Original subtitles

Come on, guys.

The findings of the research,

which Europe commissioned to us, as a team of experts,

lead us to ask that the ERDF funds, for the 2018-2024 period,

be spent to rehabilitate those Italian suburbs...

that are more exposed to economic marginalisation,

lack of services and degradation.

And it is in these realities, in the metropolitan suburbs,

that Europe's future is being played out.

We need to ensure that my country's people no longer say that...

politics is all a "magna magna" (slang for "misappropriation of public funds").

(the interpreters have difficulty translating the expression)

Overall, the reactions have been positive, haven't they?

Yes, but it's not enough.

In three months, we'll have to provide more specific data and projections.

For example, in 10 years, in the areas of multi-ethnic concentration,

the growth factor will be twice higher than average.

If you think that almost 3 million people and 112 different ethnic groups live in Rome alone,

well... it could be a great ethnic lab! Isn't that wonderful?

As Pasolini suggested in all his works,

the overcoming of the barriers and prejudices the term "suburb" is associated with,

must absolutely start from inside us,

or we won't get anywhere.

The ZEN district in Palermo, Quarto Oggiaro in Milan, Sant'Elia in Cagliari...

must be the driving force behind integration, for the whole country.

It's not that simple.

There are some suburbs in Rome with shocking data: Trullo, Tor Bella Monaca, Bastogi.

Bastogi, for example, is a very complex reality.

It is time to go beyond words, starting with us, starting with me.

- Dad. - Agnese!

Excuse me a minute. I'll be right there.

- Agnese! What a surprise! - Hi, Dad.

- How did your trip go? - Well.

- Do you have 20 euros? - Yes.

Dad... I've met a boy.

- I'm glad. Do I know him? - No, you don't. He's Alessio.

- And who is Alessio? - Him. Alessio.

- Hi. - Nice to meet you.

We're off.

"Off", where?

To Alessio's place.

- Where's his place? - Where is it, Ale?

In Bastogi.

Where?!

Bastogi.

Bye, Dad.

Excuse me, guys... Wait!

When you were talking about Bastogi, what did you mean by "a complex reality"?

Giovanni, you know me, I'm optimistic in nature, but that place is hopeless.

- "Hopeless", in what sense? - Scampia is a spa, compared to it.

- Is everything OK? - No!

Where are we?!

Get out of the way!

Let me pass!

- What are you doing? - What are you doing? Are you crazy?

You're cutting me off!

Are you nuts? What did I do to you?

No!

Get that slow "hearse" out of the way!

"Abandon all hope, ye who enter here."

Mom? Hello? What a nuisance you are!

Little Thumb!

He's sleeping.

Venom!

Hey, "Bombay", enough with the Turmeric already!

What are you eating?! My curtains smell like cumin!

- Mom, let it go! - Stay out of this!

(Renato Zero singing "Periferia")

What do you want?!

- No! - Dad!

Dad, what are you doing here? Did you follow me?

No. I just... wanted to give you another 20 euros.

You weren't answering the phone, and I thought you hadn't enough money.

How did you get here?

How did I get here? By car.

- Where did you park it? - Downstairs.

Come on in. And close the door, or the smell of Turmeric will come inside.

Marika, get me Fabione.

Hello.

Hello.

Fabione!

What?

Do me a favour: don't touch the silver car.

Who's gonna take it? It's awful. It doesn't even have a windscreen.

- Actually, it did have a windscreen before. - Don't make a big deal out of it.

We're off.

- Dad, the 20 euros... - Yes.

20 euros. I couldn't hear you... You weren't answering the phone...

- Bye, Mom. Bye, Aunts. - Bye.

I'm going for a walk with Alessio. See you at home.

Yes, but how are you coming home?

Why did you attack me? You wrecked my car.

I thought you were going to beat me. We'll fill out an accident report.

And what should I write? That I crashed into a baseball bat?!

I have grounds to sue you, you know?

- We've been sued 8 times. - Shut up!

- Besides, you were following them. - You were following them, too.

- Look, I usually don't do things like that. - I do. I've been following them for a week.

Why? Have they been dating for a week? I didn't know.

- Some father you are! Congrats! - Indeed! - Wow!

What's it to you?

And, frankly, how dare you? I was abroad on business.

People like you don't look after their kids. They go abroad.

"You"... who? No, let's drop it.

I want to know what your daughter wants from my son.

No, it is I who want to know what your son wants from my daughter.

This thing can't go on.

Dude, I'm the one saying that this thing can't go on, that it can't continue. Enough!

Mrs. Monica, I've got it. Calm down. Don't be angry. We've finished cooking.

What do you want? Where are you? I can't see you with this smoke.

Go back inside. All of you, with your smoke.

"Listen, Agnese. Listen to your dad.

"The latest statistics have revealed that 82% of the intercultural marriages..."

- No, it sounds too technical. - What are you doing?

- Are you talking to yourself? - No, Yolanka, I was working.

- Did you buy me the degreaser? - No, I forgot about the degreaser.

You didn't forget to buy those books, though. Who cares? It's Yolanka who does the cleaning!

I'm really sorry.

(she speaks in Russian)

"Agnese, your dad is with you, to show you the light, to show you the way..."

I sound like a priest.

"Agnese... no.

- "No, Agnese! No!" - Dad, "no"... what?

Nothing. It's just that your dad wants to tell you something.

Dad, I wanted to tell you something, too.

Thank you.

Now I realize you were right: it's wrong to judge people by their appearance.

Have you seen how cute Alessio is?

His family, his friends are, as you said, real people.

He understands me. He loves me.

Thanks for all the beautiful things you've taught me! Thank you so much!

Thanks, Daddy.

The Informed Parent

Adolescent Crisis

Alessio, this is Mom. Call me.

Alessio, this is Mom...

Hey!

Shut up a minute!

Alessio, where are you? Will you call me, please?

- Hi, Ma'. - Hi, Mo'.

- Hi, Mo'. - Hi, Moa'.

Hi.

- Is Alessio back? - Not yet.

Again? Get this stuff out of here. Today is a bad day.

Are you upset about Alessio's girlfriend?

- If Sergio knew... - Sergio doesn't exist.

Don't be mad. We also got a cap for Alessio.

- You must stop! - You know we're compulsive shoppers.

Sue Ellen, "shopping" implies going to the register and paying. You're two thieves!

- She steals. I distract them. - Doesn't matter.

Hi.

- Alessio, Sue Ellen got you a cap. - No, Alessio, don't touch that stuff, please.

- Come. We need to talk. - What a pain you are!

Alessio... Alessio!

- Alessio! - She's pissed off.

- Dating Agnese is the wrong thing to do. - What do you mean?

Did you see her purse? It costs a month of my pay.

- Even my aunts have one like that. - But they stole it!

Mom, take it easy.

No, I won't take it easy, Alessio. I don't want you to suffer.

She'll give you such a harsh eye-opener you'll be shocked for life.

I don't trust those people, Alessio. We're not like them.

We're better, right? With those drug-dealers downstairs.

- Here, drugs are simply being sold. - What the fuck are you saying?!

I understand what I mean. I understand what I mean!

- What happened? - An accident...

- A baseball bat did this. - Alvaro, how do you know that?

How? Look: 50 windscreens get smashed every day.

- Did they also beat you? - No. Just a minor altercation with a lady.

- You let a woman beat you? - No, she isn't a woman. I mean, yes,

she's my daughter's boyfriend's mom.

Wait a minute. So you let an in-law smash your windscreen with a baseball bat.

An "in-law"! That seems excessive to me. Excuse me.

- Please. - My ex-wife.

- Hello, Luce? - How are you, Giovanni?

- Are you all right? - Yes, I'm all right. And you?

I'm fine.

This year I have a small problem with the blooming of lavender,

but we're working on it around the clock.

Madam?

Yes, Jérôme?

The bees have come late this year.

Yes, I know, I know.

- Tell me about Agnese. - Agnese, too, is in full "hormonal bloom"!

I know. She told me.

I'm sure this period, in which you two are alone, will do you good.

- Let's hope so. - Tell me more about Agnese.

All she does is talk about... what's the boy's name?

- Alessio. - Alessio!

She told me he's very cute. Did you meet him?

Yes, he's very cute. I also met his mom.

Really? Tell me about her. How is she?

Well, she's a woman... a very decent woman.

I'm glad.

Listen, Giovanni, I have work to do now. Keep me updated; I care.

Yes. Everything is under control here.

D'accord. (OK)

Luce, you were born in Porta Romana; stop speaking in French!

Giovanni, stop disturbing me.

OK, OK...

It was my ex-wife, who has a problem with the blooming of lavender.

Women definitely give you a lot of problems.

- Good morning, Sister. - Good morning, Monica.

You're always elegant, Countess. How beautiful you look!

Thank you, darling. Why don't you come here every day?

I come when they call me. You should talk to Mother Superior about this.

Countess, could you kindly move along? You're holding up the queue.

- What's in the purée? - What's in it, Countess?

Potatoes! I'm adding some roast beef; it's good for you.

- Thank you, darling. You're an angel! - You're beautiful.

What would you like, General?

A nice plate of rice salad.

- You've asked for spaghetti, right? - Yes, I've asked for spaghetti. Spaghetti.

Spaghetti for the General. Here you are.

Thanks.

- Mrs. Nicoletta! What would you like? - # You choose what to give me.

You've answered me with a song.

(she sings an opera)

She sings all the time.

Lock the door properly, and then give the keys to your father.

- I get it, Mom. Get off my back! - Hey!

Monica, your son is here.

Hi, Mom.

Hello.

Hello.

- Mom, can you give me 20 euros? - What for?

I'm bored to death. I want to go and get a tattoo.

OK.

- But I want to see it tonight. - OK.

Excuse me.

Hi, Mom. How are you?

I'm fine, my love. And you? Are you with Dad?

No, I'm with Alessio's mom, at her workplace.

Where does she work?

I don't know. I'm not sure. In the suburbs.

Great!

I think she works in a canteen for the elderly,

something like that.

Very nice!

When do you come back?

I don't know yet, but soon, my love.

Great. See you soon, then.

Big hugs, my love.

I love you, too, Mom.

Kisses.

Kisses.

Well, we're off. Bye, Mom.

- Goodbye. - Bye.

Au revoir!

Don't say anything.

Lavinia, how are you? Hi, darling.

- Nice exhibit, isn't it? - Sure!

- Giovanni, if I see another grey, paint-peeled suburban building, I'll vomit. - Come on!

- Do you remember with how much passion I decided to do this job? - Of course.

"I want to be a social worker. I don't care if I'll earn pennies. I must take care of the poor."

- We wanted to change the world. Great times! - What morons we were!

- I can't wait to be transferred to Merano. - Why?

After spending my whole life in a clinic, explaining contraceptive methods,

yet another 13-year-old girl came to me... pregnant.

A 13-year-old?

Yes. Her mother, too, was 13 when she had her. Even her grandma got pregnant at 13!

These people from the suburbs will never change. They have it in their DNA!

Listen... How is Agnese? I haven't seen her since she was in nursery! How old is she now?

"The number you have called is currently unavailable."

- Who is this? - Yolanka, where's Agnese? Is she at home?

She's in her bedroom, with her boyfriend. He's her fiancé, I guess.

What do you mean, "fiancé"?

- (she speaks in Russian) - What does that mean?

- "Bad guy". - "Bad guy"?

"Bad guy"!

Thank you.

- What are you doing here? - They've been upstairs for 20 minutes. I'm going up.

- Let's go up immediately! Run, run! - How beautiful it is here.

It looks like a square in Nepi, my grandma's town.

You don't have a lift, either, though.

Who's this big head?

- Who lives in here? The Savoys? - Here we are.

Go, go! I don't feel well...

- Yolanka, where are they? - In her bedroom. They haven't come out yet.

- Mom! - What?

Agnese's dad has invited me for a nice coffee. How kind of him!

Yes, a very nice coffee...

- What were you doing? - We got a tattoo.

Look, Dad: "AA. Alessio and Agnese together forever". Nice, isn't it?

A tattoo! But, Agnese...

- A tattoo! - I understand, but better that than...

- Let's go. - Yes.

Can you please make us a coffee?

- For her, too? - Of course, for the lady, too.

"Lady"!

- I don't understand. What's Ivanka saying? - "Yolanka". No... forget about it. Please.

Thanks, Yolanka.

- Hey, "Medjugorje"... - Medjugorje is in Bosnia. I'm from Russia.

Exactly.

- Please, sit down. How much sugar? - No sugar!

Thanks.

- I'm going. - Yes.

You've run out of toilet paper and limescale remover.

- Yolanka, can you buy them tomorrow? - No. I'm very busy.

- You go to the store. - Thanks anyway.

You let your maid treat you like that?! Look here.

I was a maid. She's doing fuck all, I'll tell you.

- Bye, Dad. We're off. - Where to?

For a walk.

- Bye, Mom. - Bye.

- I'll call you later. - Bye.

Doesn't this girl have a mother? What about your wife?

- Yes, she has a mother, of course. But we're separated. - And where is she?

- Right now, she's in Provence. In France. - Ah.

She's staying there for two months. But her work is going well,

and she's considering moving there. Agnese usually lives in Rome with her.

- What's she doing in France? - She's creating new essences.

- What? - Perfumes.

- Ah, she's a perfumer. - Yes.

- You're pouring it into my glass! - I know. I'm pouring it for you.

Ah. Thanks!

You're welcome.

What do you do?

- I've worked in a think tank in the last few years. - Tic Tac?

- "Think tank". - What's that?

- We're a team of experts that do high-level research. - I'm not following you.

We're currently working on suburbs.

- We're trying to obtain funds from the European Parliament. - Are you a politician?!

- No. Let me explain. - Ah.

"Think tank" literally means "a tank for thoughts".

"Think" means "pensare",

- "tank" means... - ..."tanica" ("jerrycan").

Exactly...

- So you just sit there and think. - Yes.

- And you get paid for it. - Yes.

I see...

Anyway, what do we do about those two kids? You saw the tattoo they got.

By the way, I forbade her to get one.

But she got it anyway. What does that tell you?

She obviously behaves as in Maria Montessori's theory.

- This woman... I don't know her... - Never mind.

Well, we don't need this woman to tell us we should stop following them,

- because if we don't let them date, we'll just make things worse. < Exactly.

I did the very same thing:

I married Sergio because my father didn't want me to. And he was right.

- Is Sergio Alessio's father? - He hasn't seen him in 13 years.

- Alessio is almost 14. - He's been "on vacation"...

- since Alessio was 3 months old. - What do you mean, "on vacation"?

"In the slammer". "In jail". What do you call it?

Excuse me, how did Alessio's father end up in jail?

A mistake. He removed a man's spleen.

- A professional error. Is he a surgeon? - A hairdresser.

- And how did he do that?! - With his scissors.

Well, it's his job: he's a master of cut.

Now I have to go and serve dinner to the elderly, you have to go to "think",

so let's do as that lady friend of yours says:

let's leave the kids alone. Their relationship will last as short as a cat on a ring road.

Excuse me?

- I understand what I mean. - Obviously!

- Bye, Dad. - Bye.

- See you later. Alessio will walk me home. - OK.

Go!

(they paraphrase a football chant) "One of us. Agnese is one of us."

- Let's go and see the film. - Come on.

- A ticket. - For which film?

The highest-grossing one.

What are you doing here?

Excuse me.

- We said: "No more following them". - I was worried.

Tell me about it. I can't sleep at night thinking about them on holiday together.

"Holiday together"?! Where?

Hey! Shh! Quiet!

You're telling me to be quiet!

You've been eating, shouting, belching, "copulating" for half an hour!

- Do you want two slaps in the face? - Cool it!

Cool it!

Come. If he slaps you, he'll ruin you.

Get out of here!

About your holiday with Alessio...

I think it's important that we explain our wishes to each other,

but also that we share our doubts.

What doubts, Dad?

We'll take the bus to Brindisi, where a lorry driver friend of Alessio's will put us up.

Isn't he nice! He'll also catch some fresh mussels for us in the industrial port.

He'll make us a sort of mussel sashimi. Just the way you like it:

- raw mussels and lemon. - It's not exactly like that.

You have to be careful: mussels contain the bacterium of cholera.

Don't worry: he'll disinfect them with lemon juice.

Let's forget about the mussels. Let's talk about your trip.

From Brindisi, we'll take a ferry to Vlorë, in deck class.

Darling, Vlorë is in Albania!

Its sea is like Greece's, but it's much cheaper.

Agnese, you don't realize this vacation is not possible.

I can't say yes. You're too young.

- Why, Dad? Last year you let me go. - But it was a college in England!

- I know. But everything is already planned. - "Planned" by who?

- By Alessio. - Alessio. Exactly.

- What do you mean? - Alessio is a good boy. But, Agnese...

do you realize this relationship is not possible?

Why, Dad? He loves me.

Of course he does! When will he find another girl... like you again?

So that's the problem:

we have a nice house, while he's from Bastogi.

No, no.

What about all that talk you and Mom have given me since I was 6 months old?

Is it all bullshit?

Shh! Don't say these words.

Dad, do you know what the truth is? The truth is that you're a racist!

Shh! Shut up!

What were you thinking?

Everyone was fleeing Albania. They would cram into ships to come to Italy.

And now you want to go there on holiday!

Forget it!

"Item not recognized."

"Item not recognized."

- It's a litre of milk, trust me! - Mom, let me do it.

About the vacation... I say "no". I won't let you go there.

I'll go anyway.

How? I won't give you a cent.

- Do you think I don't know how to make some money? - Hey!

Don't say that, even as a joke!

You and I have always managed not to fuck up. We've stayed clean and honest.

Who put this stuff in our bags?

- Sue Ellen, was it you? - No, it wasn't me.

It wasn't us.

- No? - Don't you believe us?

She doesn't believe us.

- How much stuff! I didn't put it in the bag. - Who's going to pay for it?

- Monica, thanks! - Shut up!

- You know we have a shopping addiction. - It's called "stealing"!

I worked there for 15 years. You embarrassed me!

If you really have to steal, al least do a big job,

in a jewellery store, or in a bank,

so we'll all be set for life.

"Anti-cellulite cream"...

What good is it for you?

- I'll be here at midnight. - Make it 1:30 am.

No.

Alessio!

Let's make it 12:30 am.

- Is that understood? - Mom...

- Good evening, Monica. - Hi.

- Out of curiosity, what time did you tell her? - 12:30 am.

So did I.

- OK. See you later. - Bye.

I don't feel like going home only to come back later.

Nor do I!

There's a cinema near here. If you'd like to pass the time...

What's on?

I don't know, exactly, but it usually has an excellent program.

Is it funny?

Who died?

- The main character. - Him, too?

He committed suicide.

So who's left?

Shh!

Shh!

What is it?

I'm drinking.

No...

No...

- What language is that? - Armenian.

What?!

- Armenian. - Armenian...

- It's a French production, but the language is Armenian. - I see.

It's all clear to me.

Thank God it's over.

- Where are you going? Wait! - It's over.

- There are the end credits. - Do we have to watch them all?

- Out of respect... - Should we read the names?

We don't even know them! They're Armenian!

It won't take long.

Let's go. It's over.

Wait.

They're all crying. It's easy to make people cry with a film where everyone dies.

Just spend a week in my building: you'll see how much you'll cry.

What a bore that film was!

I think your judgement is a little reductive. The ending is a bit strong,

but it's an important film, about social malaise and Europe's new identity crisis.

You're talking to me about Europe! Castel Sant'Angelo is around the corner,

but I haven't even been there yet.

- Besides, I'm not into Europe. - What do you mean, "you're not into it"?

I don't care about it. I'm not interested in it.

And it's always the same story with politics:

- it's all a "magna magna". - No, no! Don't say that!

Why shouldn't I say it? I do say it: it's all a "magna magna"!

They aren't working.

I'd burn these machines!

What are you doing? You'll hurt yourself!

- It's not working. - Yes, it's working.

Put this on it.

Thanks.

I was a good cashier.

Then they fired us to install these self-checkouts.

Do you know what I used to do?

I used to guess who people were by what they were buying.

For example,

bagged salad and patterned toilet paper... a single person;

spinach cutlets and coconut snacks... a depressed person.

I always guessed right.

Always.

They say that now, with these new checkouts, it's quicker and people save, like...

- ...2 minutes, not more. - 2 minutes.

What do they need those 2 minutes for?

Hello? Agnese, what number are you calling from?

- I'll be right there! - What happened?

- They stole their phones, jackets... everything. Let's go! - Bastards!

My son had never ended up in a place like this before!

Tell the director of "The Malaise" to make a film here!

But this is an extraordinary situation. I don't know these people.

Agnese, how did you end up at this party?

It's Ludovica's party. Your accountant's daughter.

See?

Oh, fuck!

Alessio had never been robbed of his phone before. It's a thieves' party!

Don't lecture me. Where you live, they even stole the lift.

- No, they've never installed it. It's different. - OK. Let's go.

- I understand what I mean! - Get on the car.

We came from Bastogi to let these people steal your phone! If your aunts knew...

Don't tell them!

I'd show an increase of 9.4%, compared with 7.9% in 2017.

As to those Employment Indicators, estimated at 4%...

I'd wait for the OECD's final figures.

It looks perfect to me.

I'd also like to plan a speech about automation and the effects it has on the labour crisis.

The European Social Fund must provide support for small business start-ups,

social cooperatives...

Excuse me.

Agnese, are you all right?

Yes. Can you pick me up at Alessio's place in Bastogi at 10 pm? I'll stay for dinner.

"Dinner in Bastogi"?! I'm working late tonight.

- I'll go back home by bus, then. - No!

No. I'll pick you up. No problem.

You have school tomorrow and... I'll pick you up.

OK. Bye.

"The words of a great Polish poet, Wislawa Szymborska, come to mind."

She's so good!

- What did you do now? - Nothing.

Good evening.

Come in.

- Good evening. - Good evening.

Meatballs and chicory. Would you like some?

- I, too, stop by a deli, when I'm late. - No. They gave me these at work.

Doggy bag?

I'm sorry about the other night, about Alessio's phone.

- Don't worry. - We bought him a new one.

Yeah, sure..."bought"!

- By the way, I've changed my accountant. - You've done the right thing.

- Where are the kids? - They're tinkering with the computer.

Help yourself to a pastry, while you wait.

Drink something with it, or it'll lie heavy on your stomach.

What's this strong, sulphurous smell, like of rotten eggs?

Sarmale.

Wait.

Stefana, you've been in Italy for 15 years; haven't you learnt how to cook properly yet?

(with a Romanian accent) Sarmale is a delicacy, you ignorant boor!

How pissed off she gets!

- But what's sarmale? - Cabbage rolls stuffed with meat.

Romanian stuff.

It's better than those Indians' fried food.

- They're not Indian. - No?

They're from Bangladesh. They're "Bangladian". It's not the same thing.

No.

For Indians, cows are "forbidden", and they live only on chickpeas and lentils.

Those people are Muslim, instead.

It's Ramadan for them, and we'll have to endure the smell of fried onions for 30 nights.

Isn't that great? You don't have these things in your courtyard.

What do you call it? "Con..."

- "Conta..." - "Contamination".

- Where is it? - Well...

Here, the Italians are cross with the Romanians. The Chinese don't care about anyone.

The Egyptians don't let the Senegalese enter their fruit shops because they're black.

"Contamination"!

Everyone's pissed off, here.

And I'm more pissed off than them, because they cook this foreign stuff that stinks!

(Stefana answers in Romanian)

It pisses her off!

How come you and I don't get along, then? We are both Italian. We eat the same things.

You buy them from a deli. Mine are leftovers from the canteen.

- Dad? - Yes?

- Alessio invited me to go to the beach with him, tomorrow. - Where?

- It's a place near Rome. I don't remember... - Where?

Wait. I'll call him and ask him.

- Hello, Agnese. - Hi, Ale. Where are we going tomorrow?

To Coccia Di Morto.

- Why are you going there? - We're going to the beach.

- To Coccia Di Morto. - Where?!

To Coccia Di Morto.

What kind of name is "Coccia Di Morto" ("Dead Man's Head")? And where is it?

Where is it?

Near Passoscuro. We'll go by bus, via Ponte Galeria.

Near Passoscuro ("Dark Pass"). We'll pass through Ponte Galeria.

What's this gloom? "Scuro" ("Dark"), "Galera" ("Jail")...

No, Dad. "GaleRIA".

Anyway, if you want to go to the beach, we'll go to Capalbio.

We know everyone, it's easier to reach, and we'll be better there.

My father says we should go to Capalbio. We know everyone there. It's much better.

Mom, he says he'll take us to Capalbio, which is a lot better.

Give it to me.

Put your father on the phone, please.

Yes.

Yes?

Why is "your" beach OK and "mine" isn't?

I didn't say that. I only said...

I've been going to Coccia Di Morto for 30 years.

OK, Monica. Coccia Di Morto is OK. But I'd like to take my daughter there myself.

- Good. Come to pick us up at 9 am. - No way!

She hung up.

She hung up! Madam hung up!

He's not happy unless he's pissing me off.

No, we're not going to Coccia Di Morto! We don't deserve that!

"Scuro", "Galera", "Coccia Di Morto"... Come on!

Bastogi may be a life experience, but Coccia Di Morto isn't!

How long until we get to... what's its name?

- Coccia Di Morto. - How long?

I don't know. It depends on the queue.

- Hi! - Jesus!

- Hi! - Hi!

See you on the beach.

Coccia Di Morto seems to be as far from Rome as Milan is from Otranto.

- I don't think this is a car park. - Don't worry! See? He's parking here, too.

- But we're in the middle of the road. - Everyone's doing it. Look.

Wait.

- How long are you going to take? - I'm coming. I'm coming.

Where did they go?

Let me pass.

Here.

- Here? - Yes. Near them.

- Can you satisfy my curiosity? - OK, but drop the formalities.

All right.

Why are the twins with you all the time?

My parents had a restaurant.

At one point, my father had an affair with a Polish waitress, and...

nine months later, the twins arrived.

Then she ran away and opened a kiosk in Tenerife,

and we ended up with Pamela and Sue Ellen.

Dad was obsessed with "Dallas".

- Mom wasn't. She only liked Renato Zero. - That explains that absurd doorbell.

Of course.

- Coffee? - A macchiato for you, Monica, right?

- Yes. - And you?

A regular for me, please.

- They even got a verbal warning. - What do you mean?

From the police. One more mistake, and they'll be arrested.

- Have they been breaking the law? - They steal.

- Unfortunately, they have this habit. - Monica, it's not a "habit". It's a crime!

- You have no idea how angry that makes me. - Have they tried to find a job?

Of course. But they have a criminal record. Nobody will hire them.

- Here are your coffees. - Thank you. - Thank you.

Excuse me, girls: did you pay for them?

Of course!

- What happened to your parents' restaurant? - It boomed.

- It got bigger. - No, it really boomed. It blew up.

- Jesus! What about your parents? - They were blown up, too.

They were setting the tables.

I'm sorry.

The twins and I have considered opening a restaurant, but who would give us the money?

Banks lend money only to those who already have it.

- It's all a "magna magna". - No, it's not!

You say it isn't, but it is.

Monica, forget about banks. There are some European funds to start new businesses.

Yeah. Where are they?

You can request them. You're entitled to them.

- Have you ever enquired about them? - No, because it's...

- I understand what I mean. - But I don't.

How do you know it's impossible to obtain them? Why don't you try?

Because I'm not able to do it.

Monica, you're an orphan of both parents,

who died of violent death.

You live in a twilight zone, because, objectively-speaking,

this is a twilight zone.

Yet, you've managed to keep a honest job. You've raised "Scarface" alone.

You're also supporting two dead weights with a criminal record.

They're sweet, but they're still two dead weights.

You want me to believe you're not able to claim your rights?

Forgive me, but I don't believe you.

You'd better say you don't want to do it. Say it: "I don't want to do it".

Now, excuse me, I'm going to get ice cream; I'm foaming at the mouth.

Your background, which sounds like a Victorian novel, has really upset me.

You're all in the sun, wearing tight swimsuits. If a serious dermatologist came, he'd arrest you.

- Excuse me. - Don't push!

Where the fuck are you going?

- Go ahead. - Yes. Sorry.

Hey, you're taking off my sunscreen.

Sorry.

- But... this gentleman... - Go ahead, I said!

I'm losing my patience.

Sorry.

- Two ice lollies, please. - Just a moment. He's serving the lady.

Two ice lollies, please.

- Come on, give him two ice lollies. - I'll take these.

- Two ice lollies, please. - Here you are. Pay at the register.

Here... Monica...

Thanks.

Come. Don't you like it? It's clean.

OK.

They've melted a little bit. Here, even getting an ice lolly is difficult.

I know! Sergio once went to get me an ice lolly, and he ended up disembowelling a man.

Here?

Not here. There.

- At the bar? - The one you went to.

He removed his spleen, I told you.

Basically, he went to get an ice lolly, but he never came back.

How many more years does he have left to serve?

Dunno... Three, I think.

What can I say?

Let's hope that, after all these years "on vacation", he has cleaned up his act.

Let's hope so.

My Crazy Life

- Rinse. - At your command, Sergio.

Let's cut it out

Where did this happen?

In Coccia Di Morti... Del Morto...

- Coccia Di Morto. - Yes.

I parked it there, and this happened.

- Hi, love. - Hi, Dad. Will you take us to Coccia Di Morto again next Saturday?

No, we're not going to Coccia Di Morto again.

Why? We had such a nice time in Coccia Di Morto.

Agnese... for Christ's sake...

You took me to a Sci-Fi place,

with your boyfriend, who is the nephew of two women with a criminal record,

and the son of an almost-murderer. Now I'm in Alvaro's body shop,

because my car was damaged again in that prehistoric place!

But... Dad...

- Daddy... - No... I'm sorry, Agnese.

I'm sorry.

I'll tell you what: we'll invite Alessio and his mom to Capalbio.

- Is Capalbio better? - Of course it's better!

But don't say it's better, or they'll take offence.

- Tell them we're reciprocating their invitation, OK? - OK. I love you.

I love you, too. Bye.

You don't just have problems with women, you have problems with life in general.

Yes, Alvaro. You can't even imagine how many problems I have.

A lot of problems!

Here we are.

- Where is it? - Here. Let's park.

Where are you going to park? There's nowhere to park.

Hey! Look out! Look out!

Don't worry. Here we are.

Here we are.

Gosh! Ale, be careful you don't fall into the ditch.

I'm going to fall... It's slippery!

Please...

- Excuse me, where's the resort? - There's no resort here.

- Where's the beach? - It's over there. About 2,500 metres away.

2.5 kilometres! You're totally nuts!

- Relax. It won't take more than 40 minutes. - 40 minutes in the sun?!

- Yes. It'll be nice. - People are crazy!

- Mom, I'll help you. - Help me, Ale.

- Isn't it wonderful? - It's a desert.

It's a desert.

Wait... Help me, Ale.

I can't do it.

Gosh! Thanks, love.

- Let's go. - Let's go...

Wait a minute! Don't run! My feet are already getting flat!

- Excuse me? - I understand what I mean.

- Don't you find it wonderful? - Wonderful?! Where?!

Hoopoes nest in that scrub over there. They are rare birds.

- Who?! - Hoopoes.

Hoopoes...

Fuck you!

- Are we sure there's the sea, here? - Yes. It's beyond the scrub.

30 minutes in the sun... I'll kill this guy!

What's on this beach?! Gold?!

Oh my God! There are even some pigs!

No! They're wild boars!

- Gosh! Where have you taken us? - It's a nature reserve. Isn't it beautiful?

- When will we get there? - We'll climb over the dune, and we'll arrive.

- We'll be comfortable, you'll see. - "IF" we arrive!

Let's sit there.

Should we sit between these four branches? What are they supposed to mean?

You have to explain to me why you like coming here.

It's total peace. Sometimes in September you're completely alone, you don't see anyone.

What fun!

That's the beauty of it: enjoying the silence, far from the chaos.

Walking 3 kilometres to be alone...

And you say you like "contamination"!

Excuse me, can you turn it down a bit? I don't want to disturb our neighbours.

"Neighbours"?!

Let's turn it off altogether, not to disturb our "neighbours".

How about eating something?

Yes. I've thought of everything.

I've brought a fruit.

Come, kids!

- Agnese... - Thanks.

They're delicious. Please.

Come on, Ale, fill your belly with it. Eat slowly. Don't eat too much, OK?

You've brought just one fruit. Just one apricot, one banana...

Yes. It's fresh.

It's only 3 pm.

What do we do now?

Look who's here!

- I can't believe it! - No, no!

I can't believe it!

Franca?

Franca?

Franca! Franca Leosini! You host "Damned Stories"!

Oh my God! I can't believe it!

- What a pleasure it is to meet you! - It's my pleasure. Thanks.

- Can I ask you a favour? - Ask me anything you like.

Can you say hello to my sisters, who are big fans of yours?

- I'll gladly do it. - Thanks.

- Sorry to bother you. - No problem.

- Hi, Franca. - How are you, Giovanni?

- I'm sorry. - No, I'm glad to see you.

- How are you? - I'm fine.

- Hello? - Pamela!

Speak softly.

- Is Sue Ellen with you? - Yes, she's with me.

You can't imagine who I have here.

I'll give you a hint.

(she sings the TV show's theme)

- How did I sing it? - Perfectly.

- "Damned Stories"! - She's here with me.

- It's impossible! - I can't believe it!

She's here. Now you'll talk to her. Wait.

- Hello? Yes, this is Franca Leosini. - What the fuck are you saying?!

- Yes, this is she. - Franca, you're so good!

I'm glad to talk to you. I know you're following my show, and I'm really flattered.

- We're recording it to play it black later. - Thank you.

Enough now. We're holding her hostage!

- Bye. - Bye.

Thanks!

- Sorry for bothering you. - No bother at all.

- Giovanni, since we're going to Sara's place for a snack... - No, thanks.

- We'd love to have you over. - I'm here with Agnese and her friend. She's his mom.

- I didn't introduce myself: I'm Monica. - Monica.

- Is it OK with you? - Is it a sort of pre-dinner meal?

- Let's say it's a pre-dinner meal. - Yes, it's something like that.

- Are you hungry? - I haven't eaten anything but a banana since noon.

(indistinct dialogue)

Damn you!

- Are you hurt? - No, it's nothing. I was talking to the...

Why aren't you wearing slippers?

Here, we take off our footwear from June to September.

- Four months without slippers! - Make yourself comfortable, too.

No, thanks. I'm afraid I may get fungi.

(indistinct dialogue)

This year, the Biennale is very interesting.

Excuse me.

There are important artists like Cody Choi, Dimov, Boghossian.

Yes, Boghossian's work is really a punch in the gut.

I hope you didn't miss Qiu Zhijie's installation, "Memory and Contemporaneity".

"Ship on Fire" literally shocked me.

However, I think there have been some predictable choices, this year.

Choosing Zaslonov for Belarus, or Braeckman for Belgium, seems like a shortcut to me.

There are also some beautiful installations, like "The Seychelles Giant Tortoises".

Yes, it's truly a labyrinthine lab, where you live a sensory experience,

through audio and video recordings (...)

- Are you all right? - Uh-huh.

Weren't they nice enough?

They were even too nice.

- Bye. - Bye.

- Well... thank you. - Thank you.

- Bye. - Bye.

- I'm fucking sick of those mandolins! - They're called "sitars", not "mandolins".

- Anyway, I'm sick of them. - I listen to music whenever I want to.

And now Mr. Giovanni Minimo, Italy,

takes the floor. Three minutes.

Thank you. Ladies and gentlemen,

your decision, today,

to help our country and its suburbs, will change...

Well said! Well said, Giovanni!

- No... - Well said!

- "One of us. Giovanni is one of us." - No!

(they translate the chant)

You must be one of the big shots. Let's take a selfie.

Smile. Everyone in this row, smile.

No!

What a nice jacket! How elegant you are!

You're great, Giovanni! I want to take a selfie with you.

No!

- I want to take a selfie with Giovanni! - No!

- ... a selfie with Giovanni! - No!

No!

- I think it went well with the Undersecretary. - Yes.

The projections support us.

If the Government takes the same line, we'll make a lot of progress.

Do you know the date?

Not yet. Probably in a month, when the meetings resume.

- Shall I give you a ride home? - Yes, why not?

Mr. Giovanni!

Excuse me. You go ahead, I'll be right there.

What are you doing here?

- Shopping. - Compulsively.

- How nice it is, here. - Monica told us you live downtown.

- Is that building yours? - No! It's the Seat of...

Gosh, the Carabinieri! Now they'll arrest us.

Do you also operate downtown? Did you really have to come here today?

Careful!

It's not what it looks like. It's all legal. Compulsive buying is a serious disorder.

What do you mean? It's just that you can't stay here long.

- We're leaving now. - Thank you. Bye.

- Thank you and... have a nice day. - You too.

- Bye. - Bye, Giovanni.

Go. Thank you. Bye-bye.

It's lavender.

- It smells great, Mom. - Do you like it?

- Hi, Luce. - Giovanni!

- Dad! Hi, Dad! - Hi, love.

- Mom is crazy about Alessio, too, you know? - I see.

- Mom, will you do my hair? - Yes, my love.

Hi, Alessio.

- How are you? - Fine.

Hi.

- You're crazy about Alessio... - Have you seen how happy she is?

Giovanni, we must be happy, too! Agnese told me that...

- this boy... what's his name? - Alessio.

Alessio is very nice, he's the son of decent parents.

Come on here.

Listen, I've thought a lot about this.

Having ideals has paid off. I'm so proud of Agnese!

OK, but... Listen, this is important:

what did Agnese tell you about Alessio, exactly?

She told me he lives in a low-income housing area, but it's lively.

He's the son of modest but genuine parents.

Luce, wait.

Don't worry. Agnese and I talked about everything.

We've always raised her to have a joyful approach to sexuality.

- She told me about the lunch. - What lunch?

- The mom of... - Alessio.

- She's invited us to her house, next Sunday. - No, listen, Luce...

Trust me: we'd better not go.

Giovanni, our generation has failed in everything!

This is a big wall we've managed to tear down. The world builds walls, we tear them down.

The situation is slightly more complex than this.

No, Giovanni. No!

This is one small step for us, but one giant leap for mankind.

Luce, we're not going to the Moon, trust me!

- Come, Mom! - J'arrive, mon amour!

"J'arrive" ("Coming")...

Mom, when was the first time you realized you were in love?

We had occupied our high school,

and I had prepared a speech for the meeting.

I begin to speak, but the microphone isn't working.

So he comes and says: "Don't worry, I'll help you."

He runs to the end of the hall, and begins repeating every single sentence I'm saying.

- Did Dad really do all that for you? - No, that wasn't Dad.

- What do you mean? - I met him later.

He won my love with... his genuineness.

He's sincere, honest... Dad is an open book.

Hey!

- Hello, Monica? - Why are you whispering?

- How are you? - Fine.

About Sunday's lunch... How did you come up with the idea?

I don't know... I thought it was a nice idea. You're not coming?

Of course I'm coming! Agnese invited her mother, too.

- She's back in Rome, for the holidays. - Ah...

OK, what's the problem? We're not going to beat her up!

How sweet of Agnese to want to go there early and help them with the lunch.

Yes, how sweet of her.

- What are those? - My essences.

- They are for the mother of... - Alessio.

Perfumes tell about yourself.

And you're confident they'll listen to you, thanks to your essences?

I know what you think. But I don't want to argue, as usual;

- I might get a headache. - OK.

Only by going to France did I find myself again.

And I found the sense of ethics, which you've totally lost, in your country.

I remind you that Italy is still your country. You're just growing lavender in France.

- I'm not going to fall into your verbal traps. - Yeah...

- Let's enjoy this important passage of our only daughter's life! - Right...

- Do you know what this place reminds me of? - What?

Those buildings we occupied in Sesto San Giovanni.

Right?

Shouldn't we buzz them?

No...

No intercom.

Mom, is that you again?! Stop it!

Relax.

I'd rather take the lift.

There's no lift either.

- Go, Luce. - Is this a prison?

Go.

Let's go.

Wait!

Oh my God!

- Who is he? - Don't worry; he's Little Thumb.

At lunchtime, he gives in to drowsiness, but then he wakes up.

Come on.

Come.

Relax. He'll call it off.

Venom!

- See? - Yes.

- What are you doing, drinking lavender? - It's a tranquillizer.

Come.

Here we are.

(Renato Zero singing "Periferia")

- Gosh, are they Zero fans? - Yes...

Listen, Giovanni, you make speeches, you cooperate with the Government,

you talk about acceptance and solidarity. Fine.

But you're not able to distinguish between proletarians and criminals.

Boo!

Hi, Monica. She's Luce.

Go.

- For you. - Thank you.

- They are essences. - Yes, yes.

Do you want a glass of water, to recover from the shock?

- Hi, Mom. Hi, Dad. - Hi!

Mom, he's Alessio.

Alessio! Good...

- Nice to meet you. - Nice to meet you, too.

Thanks. Agnese told me your husband is on vacation.

Many people from here are away "on vacation"!

- The Amatriciana pasta is ready! - I have Coeliac disease.

- You'll keep it to yourself, of course. - Of course.

- Hello. - Hello.

Hi.

- I'm Sue Ellen. Nice to meet you. - I'm Luce.

- I'm Pamela. - Pamela and Sue Ellen, like in "Dallas"!

They are Alessio's aunts.

- You've been shopping. - Yes, compulsively.

What's that stuff? I don't even want to see it!

- Is it stolen merchandise? - Forget it.

- Giovanni, where have you taken us? - We'll talk later.

You're a dickhead!

- Lunch is ready! - We'll watch it later.

Come.

Come!

Could you move that dish?

Amatriciana pasta is good! I'm hungry!

- Here you are. - Amatriciana pasta!

Who could it be?

If it's the cops, I'll deal with you later.

Are we going to listen to the whole song?

Alessio, go and see who it is.

It's Dad. Welcome back!

Sergio is back!

Darling...

Hello.

Hello.

Hello...

Hi.

I've heard you're letting my son date a minister's daughter.

- A thief's daughter. - I'm neither a minister nor a thief.

- A minister? - What a disgrace!

I'm not a minister!

- You mentioned a "Ding Dong". - No, a "Tic Tac".

- I work in a think tank. - What are you talking about?

- Why did you tell them I'm a minister? - I said you had a real job. Thank me!

Let's eat, now, or the pasta will get sticky.

- Bon appétit. - Thanks.

I've heard you've just got back from vacation.

Were you in some exotic place?

There were Arabs, Maghrebis, Africans... Exotic, it was.

A melting pot of races. New York?

No, Rebibbia Prison. A melting pot of sons of bitches.

Eat.

- What are you doing here? - I received a pardon.

For what charge, if you don't mind me asking?

Just leave it, Luce.

"Grievous bodily harm, with removal of the spleen."

- So you are... - A master of cut.

- A surgeon? - A hairdresser.

- I feel dizzy, sorry. - Drink some wine.

- She's a teetotaller. - Really?

The coffee is ready.

- Bye, Mom. We're off. - Bye, love.

See you later.

- Bye, Mom. Bye, Dad. - Bye.

After the coffee, we need to eat some fruit.

Please...

Giovanni, I'm feeling uncomfortable. I'd like to go, now.

I think the lady and the gentleman can't tolerate our company anymore.

No, look, I've made tolerance the founding principle of my whole life.

I spent whole nights gathering signatures for your rights.

- Now you're gathering daisies. - Lavender!

I pick lavender flowers and at least ten medical plants.

Let me get this straight: you pick flowers and he just "thinks"?

You two are really indispensable!

I'm a hairdresser. It's true that sometimes I go a little too far and I disembowel someone,

but what the fuck do you do for a living?

Let me tell you what I do.

I "think". I "think", it's true.

I'm working for the future of people like you.

I'm trying to improve places like this.

Now that I've met you, I wonder if it's worth the trouble.

You "think" on your couch at home, and you want to teach me how to live?

Italy is like this because it is run by people like you,

who have turned everything into a "magna magna".

I've had fucking enough of this rhetoric, which holds that...

you must come from the streets and get your hands dirty to know life.

You keep saying everything sucks and is a "magna magna" because it suits you.

It's an alibi to mind your fucking business.

- Calm down. Think about your spleen. - My spleen? My liver is this big!

It suits you not to care about anything, because you can't do anything.

- What the fuck! - Hey...

- I'm a decent person. - No!

You're a murderer.

No!

He may be a murderer and a shitty father, but I'm the only one who can say that to him.

- She's right. - Shut up, you thieves!

I think it's time for you to go.

I think so, too.

Let's go.

My head is spinning. I must have taken too much tranquillizer.

Now let's put this thing behind us and return to reality.

Exactly... "Reality".

We have nothing to reproach ourselves with, because we've been...

accepting, tolerant,

respectful...

Even too much so.

What were they talking about?

Have you figured out what those two deadbeat "scientists" wanted from us?

"Us"... who?

When have you and I ever been "us"?

You've just come back. What do you want to be, a husband?

- A father. - Oh, please...

I defended you in front of them.

You can stay here until you find a home, but then you have to leave.

And get your feet off the table.

What were you thinking, you and your son?!

Would you pass me the peppers, please?

Alessio... no!

I said no!

I don't want to swim! I don't feel like swimming!

No!

Damn you, Alessio!

- Bye, Dad. I'm going swimming. - Bye.

Fuck you, Ale!

- What model is that? - This year's model!

- Shall we steal it? - In a minute!

Sergio is here!

Hi, Sergio!

- A bier. - Certainly.

Even in August, this place is a paradise.

Yes, it is, for those who can enjoy it.

Giovanni?

Giovanni!

We have to...

Yes.

Yes, thank you.

The European Social Fund - How it works -

After the demographics curves, I'd talk about the match-funding limit.

What do you think?

Giovanni?

Mom... don't break my balls!

Sweetheart...

And now Mr. Giovanni Minimo, Italy, takes the floor. Three minutes.

Thank you.

Good morning, everyone.

In front of you are the results of our research...

on the allocation of funds to Italy in the next seven years.

More than 70% of the citizens live in urban areas.

According to U.N. projections, in 2050 this percentage will reach 80%.

In our cartographic visualization of the suburbs, we have emphasized contamination.

Contamination...

Have you ever smelled cumin?

Its smell is so strong that it gets in your curtains.

It's used by Bengalis, but not by Indians, who eat chickpeas and lentils.

(the interpreters translate)

Giovanni, read your speech. We only have 2 minutes left.

Do you know what opened my eyes? A baseball bat.

(the interpreters translate)

If we really want to be convincing and listened to, we need to open our eyes.

In order to impose laws and rules, we have the duty to know the people...

and the places we talk about.

I met Pamela and Sue Ellen.

Has "Dallas" started again?

I fought for an ice lolly in Coccia Di Morto.

(the interpreters translate)

I've met people who remove spleens and restaurants that boom.

Our lives are not necessarily predestined by our birth, or by our names.

- Do you like it? - Of course!

Maybe each of us must try to choose his or her own way.

- Bye, Sergio! - Say hello to my husband, Sergio!

What I mean is...

Maybe some stories deserve to last longer than a cat on a ring road.

(the interpreters translate)

Oh well, I understand what I mean. But I think you understand, too.

Excuse me...

Can't you make samosa less spicy?

We know how to make samosa. You don't.

I remind you that we are "pipty-pipty" partners.

What are you saying? I don't understand.

"Pipty-pipty"?

Please learn Italian... and keep frying!

(he speaks in Bengali)

"Ganges", I understand you, you know?

- We have to make another delivery. - I'll make it.

# While I'm waiting for you to come back

# I'm pulling myself together

# I just don't know on what lucky day you'll show up at the door

# I've fixed the sink,

# and the stereo is finally working

# I'm a resourceful man, after all

# Life already knows me

# I'm here, waiting for you

# Because I want to win

# There's nothing I want more

# than to see your eyes again, erase myself and be born again

You know how long this relationship will last, don't you?

English subtitles by YRR

Like a Cat on a Ring Road