All language subtitles for Catastrophe.2015.S04E06.1080p.AMZN.WEB-DL.DD+2.0.H.264-playWEB_track3_[eng]

That was horrible.

You should be able to
handcuff your kids

to the airplane seat.

They'd be all, "bleh,"
for like a minute,

and then they'd be fine.

Have a super trip
to Vermont.

Hope you get trampled
by a moose.

What a monster.

I know. I mean,
what was her problem?

Frankie went up to her, what,
like two or three times?

Yeah, if she didn't want
kids talking to her,

she shouldn't have worn
a fuckin' Shrek jumper.

Oh, God, I need to stop
for a second.

I'm so tired I could cry.

Well, put on your sunglasses
and cry

I can't. Muireann popped
one of the lenses out.

Oh, honey.

Sir.

Thanks.

I'll get it in a minute.

- Hey.
- Hi.

- Get over here.
- Hey.

- Hi.
- Yeah.

What is that smell?

- It's us.
- Oh.

Well, it's at least
great to see you.

Okay. Let's go.

Let's hit the beach.

- Yes!
- Okay.

Is that the radio?

Mom's dead.

She died.

What?

Come on.

No.

What? No, what?
I don't--

- What?
- I don't--

I-- I talked to her
right before we
got on the plane.

She-- She asked me to
bring her Coleman's mustard.

I-- I found her
in her bedroom this morning.

- What happened?
- We don't know yet.

We think it's probably
a heart attack.

- Do you want me to drive?
- No.

Okay.

Did the paramedics
try to resuscitate her or--

They did not.
She was cold
when they got here.

Did they try everything?

I mean, should I go up there
and try to--

No.

- Hey.
- Hey.

Are you okay?

- I mean, yeah.
- Yeah.

- You know.
- Yeah.

Uh, Pat,
this is my brother Rob--

- Oh...
- And this is my Sharon.

This is Rob's Sharon.
This is Sharon.

Rob...

I am so sorry
for your loss.

Thank you.

- It's terrible.
- Yeah.

It's just terrible.

Did you tell them
about last night?

She just--
She didn't seem
herself to me.

She didn't seem herself...
to you?

Not to me. No.

We were having soup
from Five Corners,

she loves their soup.

And so we were just
in the kitchen

slurping on that.

But her eyes seemed
cloudy to me.

And she said--

She-- She said a couple times
how tired she was.

Oh, oh-oh.

All right, I'm gonna go
get us some lunch.

Mia said that you were
a big corned beef guy

when you were a kid, Rob.

You still like corned beef?

I'm gonna go see my mom now.

All right, well, I just get
a few different meats then,

you know,
just to be safe.

All right.

People die when we visit.

Your dad died when
we went to Ireland.

And now my mom.

I mean, we can Skype or
write letters to your mom,

but if we visit her,
she'll die.

We have a dark power.

What?

I was just wondering
if there's anyone
we should visit.

Maybe we should
visit Fergal.

That's not funny.

It's nice
seeing you laugh.

She looked kind of beautiful.

Didn't she?
Lying there.

She really did.

Do you think Pat went up there
and did her hair and make up?

Huh?

No.

I don't know.

Sounds like they had
a pretty great rapport.

I don't like that
he was here when she died.

Fuckin' grief vampire.

What do you think
his problem is?

What do I think
his problem is?

What, that he loves your sister
and he seems really kind.

And he made us
that great lunch.

He put meat on a tray.

Yeah, but I think he
smoked that meat himself.

I'll fuckin' smoke his meat.

When do you think
the service will be?

We're aiming for Friday.

We might need to stick around
for a few days afterwards

just to help sort out
her affairs.

Okay.

How long do you think
that will take?

I don't know.

Yeah, but approximately.

- I don't know.
- So I should cancel the hotel?

Yep.

Do you think you still might
want to go down to the beach?

- I don't know!
- Okay, honey, I was just--

You know, it might be
good for the kids.

All right, well,
I'll tell you what.

Why don't you
go to the beach,

and I'll stay here
and go to my mom's funeral.

I'm gonna go to
your mom's funeral.

Just after that,
maybe we should
go to the beach.

I mean,
you'll still be sad,

just... why not be sad
on the beach?

- I'll still be sad.
- I'll be sad, too.

At the beach.

Looks great.

Oh. It's for my
mother-in-law's funeral.

- Hey.
- Hey.

How'd you get on?
Did you get a nice suit?

Uh, it's probably
four sizes too big,

but it was 75 bucks,
so...

- Did you get
that dress?
- Yep.

I got the blue bikini
as well.

'cause it was so cheap.

Also, you know,
you never know.

There's another
swimsuit store up here I saw.

I wanted to have a look.
Do you mind?

Rob.

- Rob Norris?
- Tim?

How you doin', man?

What's up?

Oh, wow.
Hey, Sharon,

this is Tim Cabot.

We worked together for years
at Frye and Lowe.

Tim, this is my wife Sharon.

- Hi, Tim.
- Sharon.

You know, I had
a little girlfriend in
fat camp called Sharon.

You're not from Toronto,
are you?

Uh, no.

I'll take your word for it.

- How you doin', man?
- Pretty good.

You know,
started my own business.

Got tired of making
those donkeys rich.

What the hell are you
doing back here?

Did London kick you out
once they found out you
were a bigamist?

No, no, um--

Uh, my mom died yesterday.

Holy shit,
I am sorry to hear that.

Yeah, my mom died
11 years ago.

It sucks not having a mom.

I don't care that I'm 56,
I still want my mommy!

Listen, let's, uh,
get together when
it's a better time.

Okay.

Maybe Sharon could
fall in love with Boston,

and I could entice you
to come work for me.

Unless you don't like
box seats at Fenway,

or lobster Fridays.

I like those things.

Uh! Got ya.

- All right, man.
- Listen, I gotta roll.

- Give me a call.
- Okay.

- Sharon.
- Oh!

Oh, man.

Still mourning
after 11 years. Wow.

Yeah, it looks that way.

Guess you'd
better not ask him

to go bikini shopping
with you.

What's that
supposed to mean?

Is that a dig at me?
I'm devastated too,
you know.

And worse,
you're inconvenienced.

Honey.

I feel awful for you,
of course I do,

and for Mia,
really awful,

but am I sad for us
that it happened on
our family holiday?

Yeah, I'm-- I'm sorry.
But I am.

We've had
a really tough year,

and it's just
horrible luck.

Yeah, I hear what
you're saying.

It is sad about
the holiday,

so why don't you
take that feeling,

and, uh,
put it in a box,

and then try and
kick it up your own asshole

while I bury my mom?

Hey, sweetheart.

- I'm so sorry.
- Thank you, Jan.

I know Mia was looking forward
to seeing Frankie and, uh,

- the girl?
- Muireann.

Oh, M--
Yes, of course. Mm-hm.

Hi. I'm Sharon.

Very sad.

Bobby. Can I talk to you
for a second?

Yeah.

Your Dad's here.

Oh... Wow.

Sydney won't come
out of her room.

She doesn't
want to see him.

- Where is he?
- He's in the bathroom.

He's been in there
for 20 minutes.

I think he's
taking a shower.

But when he gets out,

probably best we
ask him to leave.

All right, well, let's just
hit the breaks for a second--

There's the big guy!

I know who you are.

Welcome to New England.

So, is Rob showing you
a good time?

Well, we've been getting ready
for the funeral.

Make sure he takes you
to Woodman's

- for some fried clams.
- Okay.

Hey, who's this little guy?

Uh, that's your grandson.

Well, how about that?

Hey, are you okay?

I mean, you-- you look
a little yellow.

Oh, yeah, it's just
a little cirrhosis.

I'm on some list
for a new liver.

- Jesus.
- I'm gonna be honest,

I'm not priority, but,
you know, why should I be?

I always rode it hard
and put it away wet.

Anyways, good news about
Brexit, huh?

Oh, I forgot.
You're a bigot.

Oh, come on,
it's just about borders.

What, are you gonna build
a house without walls?

It'd be nuts.

Plus, it'll give your cousins
in the IRA something to do.

What?

We don't owe him anything.

He wasn't even there
when you were born.

He met you when you were
four days old.

Fuckin' asshole.
You know who was there?

I was there.
I was five.

I'm not telling you
what to do,

but, you know,
if you told him
you forgive him,

even if you don't mean it,
you'll feel better,

'cause he's gonna die soon.

You can forgive someone
when they're dead.

Yeah, exactly!
I'm not on his timeline.

He chose to live that way.
You reap what you sow.

Oh, God.

My uncle had cirrhosis.

It was disgusting.

It's a bad end.

Thank you.

I'm right here.

What do you need?

In a lot of ways,
she was a great mom.

She used to cook us
casseroles in the morning.

She'd read somewhere that
breakfast was

the most important meal
of the day,

so she used to
get up at 5 a.m.

and prep a big pot of
meat and vegetables,

and we'd just
sit there and sweat
and eat it.

And she did
good deeds, too.

We found that out when we were
going through her stuff.

She raised money for
spinal surgeries for kids

through her eBay sales.

I guess there's
a button on eBay
where you can donate,

and-- and that's what she did.

Um, her friend Sally
gave me an email, uh,

that she sent her.

I'll read it.

"I heard about these babies.

"Their spines are like
corkscrews,

"but once they have
these surgeries,

"it's beautiful.

"They can play hockey
or rollerblade.

"I mean, I wouldn't have to
do it at all

"if this government
gave a rat's ass
about disabled kids.

"They'd be happy to just
throw 'em out the window.

"I bet Mike Pence
spends his Sundays

"throwing disabled kids
out of windows.

"Looks like he would,
that fuckin'

microwaved apple lookin'
assed motherfucker."

I'd go on,
but it gets worse.

Please join us at Archie's
for fried stuff and drinks.

Thank you.

Oh, honey.

I don't know why I'm--

- You miss her.
- No.

Yeah.

I hated Obama,
but I respect him.

You'd think after eight years
he'd want to put his feet up

instead of spending
all that time organizing
fake school shootings.

Jesus.

Why are you here?

Outside of looking for
a donor liver.

I'm here to
pay my respects
to your mom.

- Oh, really?
- Really.

Really? Well, you look like
a fuckin' minion.

Honey, I don't even know
what that is.

Is that bad?

Is it?

What?

Oh, for God's sake.

What the hell?

Did you see my dad
fuckin' followed us here?

Yeah.

He's probably
filling his pockets
with chowder crackers.

Are you okay?

Yeah, sorry,
I'm just--

Oh... I didn't realize
you loved her so much.

No, I didn't,
I'm just--

Sorry.

You just keep talking
'cause I gotta take a whiz.

Oh, I think maybe it's--

I think maybe it's jet lag
or something, you know?

Shit.
Do you have a tampon?

Um, no, I don't think so,
I haven't had my, um--

- Oh, fuck.
- What?

My period's
four days late.

Hang on,
is today Wednesday?

No, it's Friday.

It's six days late.

Haven't been to a funeral
in quite a while,

- I usually skip 'em.
- Really.

Is this the first funeral
you've been to

where you broke the jaw of
the deceased while drunk?

- She told you about that?
- Yeah.

Yeah, well,
I thought about that a lot,

and alls I can say is,

I hit her way less than
my dad hit my mom.

And I spoke to Sharon
and she says you don't
hit her at all,

so... it's all going in
the right direction.

And look at that little guy.

He's gonna be
even better than you.

Can I talk to you
for a second?

Yeah.

Uh...

what do you want to do
about your dad?

He upset Sydney and
he's quite yellow.

And are we taking
his word for it

that he's not contagious
with all that?

Look, Pat,

you seem like
a great guy.

Or at least Sydney
thinks that you are.

But as far as
I'm concerned,

you're just some guy
that I met yesterday

who's sticking his nose
into my family's asshole.

I know you're upset.

That's some insight there,
Dr. Phil.

So I'm not gonna take
offense to that.

Would you rather take
offense to me

telling you to shut your
Guy Smiley Muppet hole

and fuck off behind that
plant over there?

- Rob--
- All right--

Oh, great!

- Good work, Pat.
- Oh, my God.

You know,
you should probably get
her contact info

so you can be there
when she dies.

Could share a cup of soup
with her on her deathbed

while her kids are
banging on the window
to be let in.

Okay, maybe you should
go outside and get some air.

- I'd like that.
- Great.

I'm very sorry.

Hello.

You okay?

Yeah.
It's just been a long day.

Tim Cabot
called me earlier.

- Who?
- The guy you went to
fat camp with in Toronto.

Oh, Tim.

What did he want?

He offered me a job.
Really good one.

That's gotta feel nice.

Yeah, it does.

And frustrating.

Why?

Well, since you
can't take it.

Why?
Why can't I take it?

Because
we don't live here.

But we could.
I mean, why not?

It'd be like
a new adventure.

The kids would love it.

You know, and if we sold
our place in London,

we could pay cash for a house
in Swampscott, Massachusetts.

I don't want to live somewhere
called Swampscott.

Okay, then Saugus.

Jesus,
who names these places?

I just want to
get home, okay?

I just want to
get back to normal.

Look, I uprooted
my life for you,

and moved away
from my family,

and now my mom is dead,
my dad's old,

and the biggest organ
in his body is shutting off.

And my sister seems strong
but she needs me.

Yeah, but they know that
you have a family in London
that needs you, too,

and also,
they've got Pat now.

Okay, we could argue
about this all night,

but I'm taking the job
and we're staying.

You can't just tell me
what I'm doing,

I'm not a fuckin'
handmaid.

- Also, I just--
- Oh, oh, when I said "we,"

I meant me and the kids.

- What?
- I mean, you could be
a part of our "we,"

or you could
just as easily fuck off,

but I'm staying here
with the kids.

Okay,
I know you're grieving,

and in a little while
you'll feel really bad
and apologize,

but even suggesting that
I live in a different country
from my kids

is a good way to get
the ball rolling on
your own funeral.

And I don't mean to sound
psychopathic,

but I will kill you.

I fuckin' dare you
to kill me.

You would last a minute
trying to raise these kids
on your own.

Do you know
how hard I would laugh
if you killed me?

Not as hard as me.

It'd be a welcome relief.

From the day I met you,

I've struggled
to make you happy,

and it never works.

Have you ever done one thing--
I mean, just one thing--

just for me?

Other than grow and feed and
raise all of your babies?

Yeah, other than that?

- Countless blow jobs.
- Countless?

I'm pretty sure
I can count to 23

over four years.

I get claustrophobic!

All right, well,
you know what?

You're mean and
you're selfish,

and nobody likes you.

Oh, is that so?
Well, I don't really care.

You know,
and more importantly,

I don't like you.

Hi, this is Fergal.
Please leave a message.

Is everything okay
with you guys?

Uh, I'm not sure I have
a short answer for that.

Listen.

I called Dad and
we're gonna have lunch
next week,

so... yeah.

If I can do that,

I think you can
sort things out with Sharon.

Right?

Oh, uh,
I have something for you.

Before you leave.
Okay, wait.

Listen, uh...

I don't want to
bother Rob with this,

but can you
let him know that

I'm sorry if I tried to
take the wheel too much.

Yeah.

I might have to
mail it to him in a letter

'cause he's not
talking to me right now,
but sure.

And anyway,
don't worry about it.
You've been great.

- No.
- A real rock for Sydney.

Well, I try to be.

I think that's what
Rob needs, too.

A rock.

Huh?

I'm a rock.

- I'm his rock.
- Oh. Okey dokey.

- Yeah.
- Yeah.

Of course.

Hey. So,
this came last night.

Thought you'd
want to have it.

Guess she bought it
before she died.

She's been falling asleep
in the middle of her eBay
auctions.

She bought a ceramic banana
last week for $1500

'cause she conked out on
the re-bid button.

I'm sorry, Pat.

Mm-mm.
Oh...

Can you pull over?

Yeah. Are you okay?

Yeah. Just want to
tell you something.

It's weird, you know,
when you're here

you don't feel like
you're in a

white nationalist
ethno state,

run by a fake
theocratic dictator.

You just feel like
you're on a pretty beach.

Yeah.
You'd never know.

I'm sorry that you
find it a struggle

to make me happy.

Because, really,
you make me happy
every day.

I mean, most days.

Honey,
I seriously didn't mean

those awful things
that I said.

I just thought,
you know,

what would be meanest.

Yeah, but I get
why you said it.

So let's do it.

You know?

Let's move here.

We could have
a good life here.

Look, I'm a husk of a man,

and if you want to be
with this,

then I don't care
where we do it.

It could be London
or Boston,

or fuckin' Cairo.

Just tell me
where to be and when,

and I'll do it.

I'm pregnant.

I know.

I saw the test
in the trashcan.

You left it, like,
on top of the pile
of trash.

And I figured it wasn't
Sydney's or my mom's.

Oh, God.

What do you think?

I threw up
when I saw it.

Yeah, me too.

But then I thought...

why not?

I mean,
it could be fun.

What do you think?

I mean, yesterday,
I definitely

didn't want to have
any more of your children,

but, I mean, now,
sitting here...

you look so handsome.

I really want to have it.

Like I really want to push out
a tiny little baby

and just kiss it
and smell it.

Can I ask you something?

I didn't fart.
There's an algae here
that smells like--

I mean,
it smells like my farts.

No, just--

Do you think we would have
ended up together?

I mean, if you hadn't
got me pregnant.

The first time.

If I met you right now,

I'd still want to
fuck you for a week.

And get you pregnant.
And marry you.

And mess it all up from there.

Let's do that then.

Want to jump in quickly?

The kids are asleep.

- No.
- Why?

I don't want to
have fun right now.

What are you doing?

Having fun.

Sharon!

Thought you didn't
want to swim?

I just didn't like seeing you
drifting there on your own.

♪ If I could have it back ♪

♪ All the time
that we wasted ♪

♪ I'd only waste it again ♪

♪ If I could have it back ♪

♪ You know I would love
to waste it again ♪

♪ Waste it again
and again and again ♪

♪ Well, I've got to ask ♪

♪ Sometimes
I can't believe it ♪

♪ I'm moving past
the feeling again ♪

♪ Sometimes
I can't believe it ♪

♪ I'm moving past
the feeling again ♪

♪ Sometimes I can't
believe it ♪

♪ I'm moving past... ♪