All language subtitles for Catastrophe.2015.S03E06.1080p.AMZN.WEB-DL.DD+2.0.H.264-playWEB_track3_[eng]

Why don't I get
a fucking letter?

You're spending a fair amount
of time in my house with my son,

and I don't care for it.

Blah, blah, blah, blah,
blah, blah, blah.

I'm sorry.

Are you serious?

What?

- Take it off.
- No. What's wrong with it?

What's wrong with it?
It's a turtleneck.

Well, all my ties
are in Spain,

and if I wear a jacket
and a shirt without a tie,

I just look like
Ahmadinejad.

- He's handsome.
- No, he isn't.

Where'd you even find
a turtleneck, anyway?

It's one of Dad's.

So bury it with him.

Anybody need to
empty the tank before we go?

Hey.

Hey!

Can you bend your knees
or something?

- Huh?
- Just try and stoop down a little.

- It's just hard to--
- Sure. Yeah.

You look lovely.

Should wear black
more often.

I wear it a lot now,
but thanks.

You look like
a motorcycle assassin.

- I'm sorry.
- Thank you.

Sorry.

Ah, no. No.

Okay.
That's enough now.

Now is the hard time,

but it's
supposed to be hard.

When I lost Chris,
I thought I would never--

Point is,
it gets easier.

I'm here for you.

- How you holdin' up?
- What do you mean by that?

I mean,
is my friend Rob okay?

Yeah, I'm okay,

'cause the situation dictates
that I be okay.

My wife just lost her father,
and I'm rising to the challenge

'cause I'm not a fuckin' wino
who lives under a bridge

like you think I am.

Are you sure, because the
Metropolitan police reported

a Bigfoot type
shoveling McNuggets into his gob

under the Vauxhall
bypass.

Okay.

Room for one more?

Oh, uh, Mia,
I think your car is, uh--

- There's a space.
- Yeah, but Rob is gonna--

- Oh.
- Well, I think Rob's--

I, um--
I'm just gonna go, uh--

I-- I forgot my wreath.
I'm just--

That guy,
farmer face,

you know,
the one with the...

rosacea cauliflower nose.

- Frank.
- Whatever.

You need to know that
that display

had nothing to do with Des,

and everything to do with
getting into your pants.

You've still got it.

It was really nice of you guys
to come over.

Oh, well, we were in
the neighborhood, so--

How you feelin'?

Yeah, good.

Well, obviously,
I'm-- I'm not good,

I'm fuckin' terrible.
Yeah.

My dad's dead but there's just been
too much going on

to be-- I do think it's weird that
I'm not feeling sad yet.

Is it? I mean,
it's just--

It's a lot of, you know,
organizing the funeral,

and Mum, and keeping
an eye on Mum and--

Just gettin'
the sandwiches.

Oh, I took care of
the sandwiches.

Oh. Great.

Oh. Sorry.

- It's just--
- No, it's-- it's okay.

I'm glad
someone's crying.

It's just funerals.

They bring everything up to
the surface, you know.

Sorry.

Douglas dumped me just out of the blue.

He just evaporated.

I looked it up.
It's called ghosting.

It started in
California.

- It's when--
- Yeah, I know what it is.

I know what it is.

Oh, it just seems like everything is
terrible for everyone right now.

Thought a few more of your exes
might show their faces today.

Connor Verne,
at least.

He was almost part of
the family once.

- No, he wasn't.
- May he rest in peace.

What?
Connor Verne's dead?

That's terrible.

He fingered me the night before my
leaving certificate.

Then told everyone
that was why I passed.

He knew what
he was doing, though,

for such a young lad.

- How'd he die?
- Uh, I-- I don't know.

I mean, if I was to guess
I'd say heart disease.

Or finger cancer.

- Hey.
- Hey, can you talk?

Uh, actually,
I'm in the middle of a--

So, listen,
I think I might have made a mistake.

Um, I offered Catherine money
not to have the baby.

Oh, Jesus.

I want the baby
to be happy,

so I thought
the best way to do that

would be for it
to not be born.

Wow. What'd she say
to that?

She said get out of
my Range Rover.

Yeah, well, you know how
women don't want men

telling them they can't
have an abortion?

I don't think they like you to
encourage them to have one, either.

Yeah. Pretty sure
I've done the wrong thing.

All right, well, listen,
I gotta go.

I'm at-- I'm at
Sharon's dad's funeral.

What?

Oh, my God,
that's so sad.

I'm so sorry.
Um--

Could you give me
the address so I can send

a Edible Arrangement
or something?

I don't know the address,
it's Ireland.

Houses don't have numbers.

It's the one by the limestone
jutting out of the bog.

I don't know,
fuckin' Dingleberry Lane.

- Hey. Who was that?
- Uh, sorry. Dave.

He sends his love.

Fuck's sake.

God love him.

And no disrespect
to your mother.

We have to get that woman
away from Mum.

She's too weak
to help herself.

Ah. So...

this is where
it all began.

- What?
- Riverdance.

It was a lovely song
your cousin sang.

Yeah. I mean,
it went on a bit, but, yeah.

Do you think he
wrote it special?

I think Tracey Chapman
wrote it special,

but it was lovely
nonetheless.

Do you want to go in?
I'll bring you in.

- I'll take her in.
- I'm right behind you.

Save me a seat.

Honey, I know
it's a busy day,

but if things settle down
a bit later,

could you maybe
run me out to a shop

to get a couple of those
nice Irish wool sweaters they have here?

You know, the big,
thick fisherman ones.

You know
the ones I mean?

My dad's dead.

Why am I not more upset?

You are upset.

Not enough.

When you found out that kid
you went to summer camp with died,

you barely got out of bed.

I had to slap you around.

This is my dad.

This isn't some kid
you showed your dick to once.

- I spent my summers with him.
- Yeah, two summers.

You cried
until you threw up.

Is that what you're
supposed to do?

What's wrong with me?

I know I can cry.

I cried last week in the bank when
that woman told me my bag was messy.

Look, our emotions
are weird, okay?

That's why
they're emotions.

You know, there's no playbook
on how to grieve.

I want to be sadder.

He fuckin' died
20 minutes ago.

Don't be sad that
you're not sad now.

You're gonna unfold.

You're gonna spend time
on the floor.

- Do you promise?
- I promise.

Last thought I had about him
was that he was a bad dad.

And he wasn't.

He was a great,
complicated, grumpy,

pain in the hole
great dad,

and--

If I could have just had
one weekend with him.

You know, I think we could have sorted
a lot of our shit out.

Fuck it,
not even a weekend.

An afternoon or a lunch
with no kids around.

I wasn't done with him.

That's not a boner,
is it?

I'm so sorry.

Fuck's sake.

Bye-bye, Mallandra.
Bye, girls.

Bye-bye, sweetheart.

- Take care of yourself.
- You, too.

I'm gonna take the fastest pee
in the world,

- and I'll be right back.
- Okay.

Shall we tell her to go?
I'll just tell her to go.

- What do you mean?
- Well, if you don't want her here,

we just have to
tell her to go.

Why? She makes me laugh.

And she does the dishes
after every meal.

If she wants to be here,
then I want her here.

Oh. Oh, okay.
I wasn't--

I'm not ready
to be on my own.

- Bye.
- Take care.

Here.

Don't open it now.

Okay. Is it a check
for 8,000 pounds?

- Asshole.
- Prick.

Have fun in España.

Bye.

Bye.

What the fuck
is going on?

It's sweet.

Wait. What if they fall in love
and get married?

Does that mean we'd be
brother and sister?

- Are you okay with that?
- I suppose.

Don't think I'm ever gonna have
sex again, anyway.

Seems like a silly thing
to be all--

You know,
after everything.

Well, that's a
pretty big decision.

You might want to
check with your brother first.

Hey.

- You okay?
- Yeah, just, um--

Well, are--
are you okay?

Yeah.

I'm just lying in
the back of Melissa's car.

It's a bit smelly.

It's not as smelly
as our car,

but it smells like
lemongrass and burger meat.

It's not a bad smell,
I just--

I just wonder if she
cooks in here or something.

Why are you in
Melissa's car?

Oh, I just can't handle being
around anyone right now.

It's all right.
I had a free period.

I didn't run out of
the classroom screaming.

You okay?
Why'd you call?

I just wanted to say hi.

Do you want to watch some
"Better Call Sauls" tonight,

and I'll brush your hair?

- Sure.
- Okay.

- Bye.
- Bye.

All right.
All right!

Just clearing some shit
out of my house.

Have a nice day.

And correct me
if I'm wrong,

you are a
48 year old man.

Well, do you think that
it's adult behavior to, uh--

Maybe I've lost my mind,
but it seemed to me

that we were in
a relationship.

No, you're right about
all those things.

Um, I am 48, well, I will be for
a few more weeks,

and we were in
a relationship.

So what happened, then?

We had something.

And the sex was--
All of it was--

I have never enjoyed
blowjobs

like I did with you.

Before you,
it was always, you know,

just a bit more of
an obligation.

But I loved it with you.

The chemistry of us
was just--

It just felt right.

In my mouth.

Oh, Fran,
I don't know.

Your son doesn't like me,
I'm not mad about him.

- I don't like your husband.
- He's my ex husband.

Are you sure about that? You don't know
about the little visit he paid me?

Quite the menacing
little twat.

Anyway, it worked.
I'm out.

- He what?
- And if it's the sex you miss,

go and have sex
with someone else.

I don't have
a black belt in it.

I didn't invent
getting my dick sucked.

Oh, I tried to call,
but I dropped my phone in Carol's sink,

and now all it'll do is
camera and Angry Birds.

Could you take me to
Car Phone Warehouse later?

- Yeah.
- I gotta zip and use the bathroom.

I thought you were
staying with Carol.

Oh, I had to
get out of there.

It's too cold.

I mean, cut up some peat
and throw it on a fire.

I wouldn't be surprised
if Des froze to death.

I had to wear
three coats.

I looked like
Nanook of the north.

Anyway, I feel like I gave it
the good old college try.

You know? I set her on
a good path, I think.

Carol is not gonna be
alone for that long.

Have you seen
her ass?

I mean,
for a woman her age.

How did Sharon get
such a bony ass?

Fran.

Oh!

Jesus!

Christ!

Just what the hell
are you doing?

Hey!

Your mother is
a prick tease.

Okay.

She gets my mother
all juiced up for company,

and then she just
up and splits.

Are you sure your mom's upset?
Did you ask her?

My mom's not gonna tell me
if she's upset. She's a martyr.

If she tells you she's not upset,
she's definitely upset.

She tells you she's grand,
then you know she's fine.

Do you want me to tell
my mom to go back there?

Well, that would be bizarre.

No, I don't. I just want you to know
that I don't like what she did.

Oh. Okay.

And what's with
all the whistling now?

When did she become
a whistler?

Do you want me to tell her
to stop whistling?

I wouldn't even mind if she was whistling
something decent.

You know?
It's just fuckin'--

I don't want to hear that shit.

I mean, practice and then come and
whistle me something decent.

You know? Bring me
the finished product.

You think someone that old
would have a hard time

thinking of new ways
for you to hate them.

- How long is she staying?
- I don't know.

She was buying stuff
online earlier

to be delivered
to our house.

That doesn't feel like
a short visit.

I wouldn't worry
about that.

If she's
drawing breath,

she's ordering stuff
online.

For her, it's not about
receiving the stuff,

it's just about...

hittin' that order button
and gettin' the buzz.

Like a junkie.

Oh. Thank you.

For what?

Just for lettin' me
lay into your mother.

I like a lot of things
about you,

but that is up there,
like that is near the top.

Hm. Well, I mean, the things
I hate about her are set in stone.

You know, so what you say
I listen to,

but that's never gonna be as bad as
what I know about her.

Well,
thank you anyway.

We're okay, aren't we?

Yeah.
What do you mean?

I don't know,
it's just--

It's been
a tough year so far,

and you were so great
about the, you know,

all the shit with
me and that--

- And, you know.
- Yeah.

And you going back
to Braeband.

I know you hate it there
but you're doing it for us.

I just--

I just think you're
a really good person.

- No, I'm not.
- Yeah, you are.

You're a good husband,
and a good dad,

and for a little while,
after you shower,

you even smell good.

I love you.

Oh. Did you have
a nightmare?

What's the matter, honey?

Um...

a few months ago,
I started drinking again.

Nothing terrible
has happened,

but I feel like shit.

I need help,

and I wanted to
tell Sharon,

but then Des died,
so I couldn't,

and I know it would be a really bad thing
to drink right now,

but I want to.

A lot.

Fucking drinking again?
You can't drink.

I know. I--

- Jesus, Mom, can you not--
- No. You don't know.

You never could drink.
Why is it gonna be any different now?

You're just like
your father.

What the fuck does that
have to do with it?

You know how my jaw
always clicks?

You know,
when I eat steak?

It's 'cause
your father broke it.

That's why I
kicked him out.

Jesus. Mom,
why didn't you tell me?

Why would my little boy
need to know

that his daddy got drunk
and punched his mommy in the head?

You put a plug
in the jug, mister,

because if you ever
hit Sharon,

I'll fucking kill you.

I'm not gonna hit her.

Oh, please.

Your being drunk and
her being as annoying as she is,

you're gonna hit her.

- Hey, what's up?
- Oh, nothin',

just checkin' in,
see how you're coping.

Really?

Well, I'm totally
fuckin' fine.

Turns out losing your dad
isn't hard at all.

Would you like to
talk about it

- over a drink?
- Not really.

I can make it
easy for you.

Meet you at your local?
I'm here now, as it goes.

Well, look,
Rob's out,

and I feel bad
leaving Mia on her own,

so do you want to
do it another time?

- Okay.
- I'll talk to you.

Bye.

Do you have OWN?

What?

The Oprah Winfrey Network?

I don't know, Mia.
There's, like, 700 channels.

It might be in there.
Hunt around.

Oh, wait.
Never mind.

I just found
my favorite show,

"My Children Are
Schizophrenic."

Oh, so great.

Can you imagine
you have the one kid, it's schizophrenic,

and then you say, well, let's roll the
dice and have another kid,

like a friend
for that one,

and then that one's
schizophrenic, also.

So they buy the apartment
or the house next door--

- Hey, Fran.
- ...it's not a lot of money

with the disability
and everything.

It is great TV.

Okay,
ladies and gentlemen,

I think it's time that we
get this meeting started.

If you could, uh,
take your seats, please.

Yeah, we'll just hang on
for a few stragglers.

Gonna start volunteering
at the local hospital,

get a sensible haircut,
buy a couple of vibrators.

Maybe get one of those ones with
the wee dangle thing that tickles the--

Amway, that's it now.
I'm out.

I'm 46 next birthday,
so it was gonna happen sooner or later.

Oh, Christ.

Look, I'm too tired to be blowin'
smoke up your arsehole,

but that is too young
to be puttin' yourself out to pasture.

You know? I've seen you
in yoga pants.

You still have
something to offer.

I'm just so horny.

I know, honey.

I mean,
the taste of him.

- It's like--
- I've gotta piss.

It's like--

Aye. She's broken.

I don't think she'll ever
get over this one.

No tincture in the land
can save her now.

Upon reflection, though,
if Fran wanted to be with that cunt,

I should have let her
be with that cunt.

Plus, your nose
is fucked up.

I don't care about my nose,
I care about my son,

and I have vestigial feelings
for the woman I made him with.

You know how
being a dad is.

Something you'll
soon learn.

Yeah. I'm excited.

I've decided I'm gonna hire
a couple of nannies,

and just be more of a benevolent figure
in the background.

Like a nice guy he knows

but who won't shape
his personality.

I mean, yeah, he'll have
my shitty genes,

but nature, nurture,
I mean, the jury's out.

No, the jury's in.
They both matter.

I'm totally scared.

Well, why shouldn't you
be scared?

Who are you that
you don't need to be scared?

If you're alive,
you should be scared sometimes.

The world's a fuckin'
slaughterhouse. I'm scared.

I'm really glad
I came out with you guys.

Tell you what, though.

You'll feel a love like
you've never felt before.

Even fuck cocaine.

What about heroin?

I don't know,
I've never tried heroin.

You've never
tried heroin?

I'm done feeding.
I'm gonna go to sleep.

Bye.

How have you
never tried heroin?

I thought you were
from Glasgow?

Oh, fuck's sake.

It's gonna be all right.

You okay?

I'm grand.

- Hey.
- Can you--

Can you come and get me?

Can you not get a taxi?

Wh-- Hang on a second,
there's a--

There's a man here who wants to have
a quick word with you.

Hold on a second.

Uh, sir, your wife
is very drunk,

and we had to remove her
from our establishment,

so now she's on the streets
like rubbish,

so come and
get your rubbish,

and take it home,
and, you know, make love to it.

Okay. Tell her
I'm on my way.

Okay.

Oh, no, wait.

She-- She looks like she's
headed into Hernando's.

It was brilliant.
I cried a lot,

and then I threw up
on the window, perhaps.

Well, that's great, honey.

I know.

I cried for, like,
an hour.

I think I was worried
because I--

I've never lost someone
I really loved before.

Don't ever leave me.

I won't.

Because I'm never
gonna leave you.

And it's not even
because I love you, I just--

I mean, I do, but
there's a working part missing now.

You took it out.

Or something and--

Now I just don't work
without you.

I'm 100 percent
reliant on you.

Okay?

Is that sexy?

Is that sexy?
I-- I don't know,

but that's how I feel.

Do you want to put
your hand up my skirt?

Sure.

Come on, that's--
Get in there.

- Listen, I need to--
- Oh, hang on.

'Cause I need pizza.

Well, Jesus,
don't go in there.

Let me make you something
at home.

No, 'cause I want
something disgusting,

you know, with the
little pepperonis

that are all curled up
like oil cups,

and the oil's all,
you know, yellow.

The oil is all yellow.

All right, let--
let me pull over.

No, it's fine.
It's the light.

For Christ's sake.

Jesus!
Fuckin' open your eyes.

Oh, my God!

- Open your fuckin' eyes.
- Fuck.

Shut the fuck up!

Give me
a fuckin' second.

Goddamnit.

Oh, my God.

Oh, my God. Rob!

Rob!

Rob!

What happened?

Are you okay?
I'm gonna get help.

- Fuck!
- Are the police coming?

What? I don't--
I don't know.

An am-- I think it's
an ambulance.

They're gonna give me
a breathalyzer.

What? What?

I'm not gonna pass it.

What?

I'm sorry.

♪