Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:06,160 --> 00:00:07,720
- Aw, look, she's asleep.
- Yeah.
2
00:00:07,760 --> 00:00:09,520
Look at her.
3
00:00:09,560 --> 00:00:12,160
Look. Look at her.
4
00:00:23,160 --> 00:00:25,320
Can I have a cuddle now?
5
00:00:25,360 --> 00:00:26,880
Sure.
6
00:00:28,400 --> 00:00:30,800
- Can I have a mouth cuddle?
- Mm-hmm.
7
00:00:36,560 --> 00:00:38,600
What's funny?
8
00:00:38,640 --> 00:00:41,720
No, it's-- it's
the lullaby music-- it's--
9
00:00:41,760 --> 00:00:43,160
Sorry.
10
00:00:43,200 --> 00:00:45,400
Do you want me
to put on some Motoörhead?
11
00:00:45,440 --> 00:00:47,160
I mean, tell-- tell me
what you want me to put on
12
00:00:47,200 --> 00:00:49,240
because I'd like
to have sex with you.
13
00:00:49,280 --> 00:00:52,760
Me, too. I just--
Can we do it in the morning?
14
00:00:58,400 --> 00:00:59,680
What's the matter?
15
00:00:59,720 --> 00:01:01,280
Nothing.
16
00:01:01,320 --> 00:01:02,520
No, you know what?
17
00:01:02,560 --> 00:01:05,600
Sexual rain checks
are abusive.
18
00:01:05,640 --> 00:01:07,480
What?
19
00:01:09,040 --> 00:01:11,720
What? I just got
the fucking baby to sleep.
20
00:01:11,760 --> 00:01:14,200
It's just not healthy, the way
that you are with her now.
21
00:01:14,240 --> 00:01:17,000
You know what you remind me
of, the way that you hold her,
22
00:01:17,040 --> 00:01:18,800
the way that you gaze at her?
23
00:01:18,840 --> 00:01:20,600
Gollum.
24
00:01:20,640 --> 00:01:21,960
from Lord Of The Rings?
25
00:01:22,000 --> 00:01:24,040
Andy Smeagol,
the weird CGI man-thing?
26
00:01:24,080 --> 00:01:25,440
Yeah,
I know who Gollum is.
27
00:01:25,480 --> 00:01:26,760
Good, because that's
what I see
28
00:01:26,800 --> 00:01:28,360
- when I look at you now.
- Because?
29
00:01:28,400 --> 00:01:30,280
Because of the way you're
all hunched over her,
30
00:01:30,320 --> 00:01:33,920
like "Don't touch my precious.
Stay away from my precious."
31
00:01:33,960 --> 00:01:36,600
Well, you know, um,
first off,
32
00:01:36,640 --> 00:01:38,200
I thought you were
comparing me to Gollum
33
00:01:38,240 --> 00:01:40,320
because of my sunken eyes,
so now I don't even care.
34
00:01:40,360 --> 00:01:42,040
And secondly, look at you.
35
00:01:42,080 --> 00:01:46,040
You're shouting at your
family with a massive boner.
36
00:01:46,080 --> 00:01:47,880
- Are you proud of yourself?
- I'm not shouting.
37
00:01:47,920 --> 00:01:50,560
Why are you still hard?
38
00:01:58,240 --> 00:01:59,520
Fran's seeing someone.
39
00:01:59,560 --> 00:02:01,760
I'm 95% sure.
40
00:02:01,800 --> 00:02:02,960
Why are you so sure?
41
00:02:03,000 --> 00:02:04,360
She told me.
42
00:02:04,400 --> 00:02:05,800
But I figured
there's a 5% chance
43
00:02:05,840 --> 00:02:07,200
she's lying
just to piss me off.
44
00:02:07,240 --> 00:02:08,840
Right.
What are you going to do?
45
00:02:08,880 --> 00:02:10,280
I'm going to wait
until Jeffrey's 18,
46
00:02:10,320 --> 00:02:11,680
then I'm going
to divorce her.
47
00:02:11,720 --> 00:02:13,240
Let Fran fuck
her new lover boy
48
00:02:13,280 --> 00:02:15,200
and I can fuck
whoever I want to fuck.
49
00:02:15,240 --> 00:02:16,800
Or hug,
for Christ's sake.
50
00:02:16,840 --> 00:02:19,360
I'd settle for a hug.
I would.
51
00:02:19,400 --> 00:02:21,040
I'll hug you.
52
00:02:21,080 --> 00:02:22,560
Come on, then.
53
00:02:25,880 --> 00:02:28,960
I'm serious, you know.
You only get one shot at life,
54
00:02:29,000 --> 00:02:31,440
and then you end up
in a ditch or an urn.
55
00:02:31,480 --> 00:02:33,640
I don't want to have
any regrets.
56
00:02:36,120 --> 00:02:38,160
Sometimes...
57
00:02:38,200 --> 00:02:40,440
And I've had this feeling
for a number of years
58
00:02:40,480 --> 00:02:41,840
and never acted on it,
59
00:02:41,880 --> 00:02:43,640
but sometimes
I find myself thinking
60
00:02:43,680 --> 00:02:45,440
that I'd like to have
sexual intercourse
61
00:02:45,480 --> 00:02:47,160
with women who have penises.
62
00:02:48,560 --> 00:02:49,640
Right.
63
00:02:49,680 --> 00:02:51,600
Where she plays
with my penis
64
00:02:51,640 --> 00:02:53,320
and I play with hers,
sexually, in a bed.
65
00:02:53,360 --> 00:02:55,600
Okay.
66
00:02:55,640 --> 00:02:57,240
"Okay" okay?
67
00:02:57,280 --> 00:02:58,480
Yeah. Okay.
68
00:02:58,520 --> 00:03:00,640
You're separated
from your wife.
69
00:03:00,680 --> 00:03:03,560
You're 95% sure she's
fucking somebody else.
70
00:03:03,600 --> 00:03:06,080
If you want to do a consensual
thing with another adult
71
00:03:06,120 --> 00:03:09,160
that makes you happy or jizz,
then you should do it.
72
00:03:09,200 --> 00:03:10,640
It's not a gay thing.
Don't think
it's a gay thing.
73
00:03:10,680 --> 00:03:12,160
- Who cares?
- I do.
74
00:03:12,200 --> 00:03:14,560
Okay, then it's not
a gay thing.
75
00:03:17,520 --> 00:03:19,120
Want to share a burrata?
76
00:03:19,160 --> 00:03:20,680
Yeah.
77
00:03:20,720 --> 00:03:22,800
Look at her. She's gorgeous.
78
00:03:22,840 --> 00:03:26,600
Babies
get so much attention!
79
00:03:26,640 --> 00:03:29,080
It's nice, isn't it?
For the mums.
80
00:03:30,280 --> 00:03:31,640
It's funny,
81
00:03:31,680 --> 00:03:33,160
but with all Jeffrey's
film, TV work,
82
00:03:33,200 --> 00:03:35,040
that's never really
stopped for us.
83
00:03:35,080 --> 00:03:36,840
Right. Where is Jeffrey?
84
00:03:36,880 --> 00:03:38,680
He's, uh,
85
00:03:38,720 --> 00:03:40,760
he's having some acupuncture
done in his trailer.
86
00:03:40,800 --> 00:03:43,360
Bradley Cooper won't make
eye contact with anyone,
87
00:03:43,400 --> 00:03:44,960
so he was getting
a little bit anxious.
88
00:03:46,880 --> 00:03:50,120
Hello, there, Mi...
89
00:03:50,160 --> 00:03:51,520
Mu...
90
00:03:51,560 --> 00:03:53,000
How do you say her name again?
91
00:03:53,040 --> 00:03:54,520
"Mweren."
92
00:03:55,880 --> 00:03:57,200
It's all
character-building stuff,
93
00:03:57,240 --> 00:03:58,360
isn't it, a tricky name?
94
00:03:58,400 --> 00:03:59,360
I wouldn't worry about it.
95
00:03:59,400 --> 00:04:00,480
I'm not.
96
00:04:00,520 --> 00:04:02,000
How's Rob?
97
00:04:02,040 --> 00:04:04,280
How's Rob? He's, uh...
98
00:04:04,320 --> 00:04:07,240
selfish, horny,
good with the kids.
99
00:04:07,280 --> 00:04:11,240
That must be nice,
having a horny husband.
100
00:04:11,280 --> 00:04:13,120
For the last year,
every night I went to bed,
101
00:04:13,160 --> 00:04:15,160
Chris pretended to be asleep.
102
00:04:15,200 --> 00:04:18,480
Snores, sleepy little
fidgets, the odd fart.
103
00:04:18,520 --> 00:04:21,440
It bothered me at first, but
then something inside me died,
104
00:04:21,480 --> 00:04:23,520
and I just stopped caring.
105
00:04:23,560 --> 00:04:24,960
I mean, I'm not saying
106
00:04:25,000 --> 00:04:26,880
that you should have sex
with Rob against your will,
107
00:04:26,920 --> 00:04:28,440
but if you care
about your marriage,
108
00:04:28,480 --> 00:04:29,840
you definitely should.
109
00:04:30,800 --> 00:04:32,360
I've taken a lover.
110
00:04:33,720 --> 00:04:35,360
- Really?
- Mm-hmm.
111
00:04:35,400 --> 00:04:37,280
So, that's-- I mean,
what are you going to--
112
00:04:37,320 --> 00:04:38,840
Well, when Jeffrey
goes to university,
113
00:04:38,880 --> 00:04:40,320
we're getting a divorce.
114
00:04:45,760 --> 00:04:49,440
Five years.
Just five more years.
115
00:04:56,720 --> 00:04:57,840
Hello, nice lady.
116
00:04:57,880 --> 00:04:58,960
We need to have sex,
117
00:04:59,000 --> 00:05:00,360
but, like, good sex.
118
00:05:00,400 --> 00:05:02,080
- Okay.
- I've been thinking about it,
119
00:05:02,120 --> 00:05:03,680
and the fact is we're
gonna have a relationship
120
00:05:03,720 --> 00:05:05,280
with each other until we
die because of the kids,
121
00:05:05,320 --> 00:05:06,400
and it can be good,
or it could be shit,
122
00:05:06,440 --> 00:05:07,560
but that's up to us.
123
00:05:07,600 --> 00:05:08,960
I'm so glad you said that.
124
00:05:09,000 --> 00:05:10,720
I saw a couple
groping each other
125
00:05:10,760 --> 00:05:12,200
on the Tube this morning,
126
00:05:12,240 --> 00:05:14,280
- and I got so sad.
- I know.
127
00:05:14,320 --> 00:05:16,080
I watched that episode
of Game Of Thronesagain,
128
00:05:16,120 --> 00:05:18,200
where Jaime fucks Cersei
beside Joffrey's dead body,
129
00:05:18,240 --> 00:05:20,360
and even that made me sad.
They were so passionate,
130
00:05:20,400 --> 00:05:21,800
and they'd been together
years.
131
00:05:27,120 --> 00:05:30,160
Uh, it's--
it's not getting hard.
132
00:05:30,200 --> 00:05:32,000
I don't know.
133
00:05:32,040 --> 00:05:33,920
I mean, I haven't jerked off
in, like, three days.
134
00:05:33,960 --> 00:05:35,680
What'd you jerk off to
three days ago?
135
00:05:35,720 --> 00:05:38,600
A butt. A butt that I saw.
136
00:05:45,280 --> 00:05:46,920
Are we sexually
incompatible now?
137
00:05:46,960 --> 00:05:49,920
No, we're just stressed
and tired.
138
00:05:49,960 --> 00:05:51,320
Okay.
139
00:05:51,360 --> 00:05:53,000
Because
I still fancy you.
140
00:05:53,040 --> 00:05:54,880
I very fancy you.
141
00:05:56,880 --> 00:05:58,000
Oh, hey, look.
142
00:05:58,040 --> 00:05:59,680
Something's happening
down there.
143
00:06:02,520 --> 00:06:04,040
It's not.
144
00:06:04,080 --> 00:06:06,000
I mean, I can't sit on that.
145
00:06:07,080 --> 00:06:08,360
Well, listen, let's--
146
00:06:08,400 --> 00:06:10,160
let's go away
for the weekend.
147
00:06:10,200 --> 00:06:11,920
Let's go to Paris
or somewhere.
148
00:06:11,960 --> 00:06:12,960
I'll get us a nice hotel.
149
00:06:13,000 --> 00:06:14,880
We can eat steak tartare
in bed,
150
00:06:14,920 --> 00:06:16,960
and I can go down on you
from behind
151
00:06:17,000 --> 00:06:19,560
in a big hotel shower,
like we used to do.
152
00:06:19,600 --> 00:06:21,680
Or, if we're too tired
because we're old,
153
00:06:21,720 --> 00:06:23,080
we can just hold hands
154
00:06:23,120 --> 00:06:24,760
and look out the window
at the Eiffel Tower.
155
00:06:24,800 --> 00:06:26,120
Does that sound nice?
156
00:06:26,160 --> 00:06:29,280
Quite nice, yeah.
157
00:06:29,320 --> 00:06:32,200
Uh, what about them?
158
00:06:32,240 --> 00:06:33,640
They're not invited.
159
00:06:38,960 --> 00:06:40,840
Oh, shit,
is that this weekend?
160
00:06:40,880 --> 00:06:43,000
- Yes.
- I'm just messing.
161
00:06:43,040 --> 00:06:44,520
How much would that suck?
162
00:06:44,560 --> 00:06:46,200
Why are you always at home?
Don't you work?
163
00:06:46,240 --> 00:06:47,560
All I need to work
is a laptop,
164
00:06:47,600 --> 00:06:48,800
a phone, and this.
165
00:06:48,840 --> 00:06:50,000
What, a shit hairdo?
166
00:06:50,040 --> 00:06:51,120
- I only want the boy.
- Too bad.
167
00:06:51,160 --> 00:06:53,520
- You're going to Paris?
- Yeah.
168
00:06:53,560 --> 00:06:56,120
Oh, that'll be nice for you.
A bit of culture for the Yank.
169
00:06:56,160 --> 00:06:58,440
Actually, I did my junior
year at college there.
170
00:06:58,480 --> 00:06:59,480
Really?
171
00:06:59,520 --> 00:07:00,720
Moi aussi.
172
00:07:00,760 --> 00:07:02,080
Tu parle français?
173
00:07:02,120 --> 00:07:03,200
- Jesus.
- Oui.
174
00:07:03,240 --> 00:07:04,520
En fait,
je parles français.
175
00:07:04,560 --> 00:07:06,040
- Ooh, "en fait"?
- Yeah.
176
00:07:18,520 --> 00:07:20,280
Ah, fuck off!
177
00:07:20,320 --> 00:07:21,760
This isn't the end of this.
178
00:07:21,800 --> 00:07:23,760
Thanks for looking
after the kids.
179
00:07:23,800 --> 00:07:26,080
- We owe you one.
- Not at all. My pleasure.
180
00:07:26,120 --> 00:07:28,640
Actually, I wanted to talk
to you about something.
181
00:07:28,680 --> 00:07:30,840
I need, um...
182
00:07:30,880 --> 00:07:32,080
a short-term loan.
183
00:07:32,120 --> 00:07:33,960
I'll have it back to you
in four weeks,
184
00:07:34,000 --> 00:07:35,360
five at the most. Really.
185
00:07:35,400 --> 00:07:36,520
It's a business opportunity, really.
186
00:07:36,560 --> 00:07:37,680
Okay, uh...
How much are we--
187
00:07:37,720 --> 00:07:40,320
Just 10 grand.
15 if you want.
188
00:07:40,360 --> 00:07:42,080
Yeah,
I think I want to help,
189
00:07:42,120 --> 00:07:43,840
but I'll have to talk
to Sharon.
190
00:07:43,880 --> 00:07:45,920
You can't tell Sharon.
She'll only worry about me.
191
00:07:45,960 --> 00:07:48,560
And it would literally be,
you know, five weeks, six tops!
192
00:07:49,640 --> 00:07:51,560
So keep my kids alive.
193
00:07:51,600 --> 00:07:53,360
It'll reflect
very badly on you
194
00:07:53,400 --> 00:07:54,640
if anything happens to them,
plus I'll kill you.
195
00:07:54,680 --> 00:07:55,760
Also, thank you.
196
00:07:55,800 --> 00:07:57,600
- Bye-bye-bye.
- Bye, Mummy.
197
00:07:57,640 --> 00:08:00,520
Bye. Bye, Muireann.
Bye-bye-bye.
198
00:08:00,560 --> 00:08:02,520
I love you. Bye. Thank you,
thank you, thank you!
199
00:08:12,640 --> 00:08:14,720
Are you fucking kidding me?
200
00:08:14,760 --> 00:08:16,440
Yeah, I am.
201
00:08:16,480 --> 00:08:20,400
This joke cost me £12.
I'm glad it worked.
202
00:08:20,440 --> 00:08:22,920
Desolé.
203
00:08:22,960 --> 00:08:25,840
I already know I'm going
to be more attracted
to you in France.
204
00:08:25,880 --> 00:08:27,840
I'm going to order a tiny
bottle of champagne.
205
00:08:27,880 --> 00:08:29,600
I'm going to order
three baguettes.
206
00:08:29,640 --> 00:08:31,600
Aw!
207
00:08:31,640 --> 00:08:33,160
I'm going to go grab
my beret.
208
00:08:33,200 --> 00:08:34,520
Sure.
209
00:08:49,760 --> 00:08:52,480
- Do you like it?
- I love it.
210
00:08:52,520 --> 00:08:54,240
I had it completely
refurbished for you.
211
00:08:54,280 --> 00:08:55,680
Thank you.
212
00:08:55,720 --> 00:08:57,240
Is this the hotel
Johnny Depp stays in?
213
00:08:57,280 --> 00:08:59,080
You know it is. Why do you
keep asking me that?
214
00:08:59,120 --> 00:09:01,000
Because it's fun.
215
00:09:01,040 --> 00:09:03,200
Let's go straight up to the
room. I need to freshen up.
216
00:09:03,240 --> 00:09:04,880
I don't want Johnny
to see me like this.
217
00:09:10,400 --> 00:09:12,920
I think I'm going to have
to pump before we go.
218
00:09:12,960 --> 00:09:15,160
I see that French baby
downstairs,
219
00:09:15,200 --> 00:09:18,600
my tits just immediately
balloon with milk.
220
00:09:18,640 --> 00:09:21,080
- Have you seen the pump?
- No, where'd you pack it?
221
00:09:21,120 --> 00:09:22,800
If I knew that, I wouldn't
be asking you, would I?
222
00:09:26,640 --> 00:09:28,080
Oh, fuck.
223
00:09:29,280 --> 00:09:30,880
I forgot the pump.
224
00:09:34,040 --> 00:09:35,800
Oh, shit.
225
00:09:35,840 --> 00:09:38,400
Did the handjob not work?
226
00:09:38,440 --> 00:09:40,560
No, it did but the left
one's already full again.
227
00:09:40,600 --> 00:09:43,680
Well, do you want me to,
you know...
228
00:09:43,720 --> 00:09:45,800
- What?
- Suck the milk?
229
00:09:45,840 --> 00:09:47,760
I'll suck the milk out.
I don't mind doing it.
230
00:09:47,800 --> 00:09:49,400
I mind!
231
00:09:49,440 --> 00:09:51,600
I didn't come to Paris
to nurse my giant husband.
232
00:09:51,640 --> 00:09:53,600
Well, it looks like we've
got our signals crossed
233
00:09:53,640 --> 00:09:55,360
because I specifically--
234
00:09:55,400 --> 00:09:57,680
What? At least I won't
shit myself while I do it.
235
00:09:57,720 --> 00:09:59,200
Muireann does that
because she's relaxed.
236
00:09:59,240 --> 00:10:01,440
She's like, "Oh,
this is so--"
237
00:10:01,480 --> 00:10:02,680
Yeah, I'm relaxed, too,
238
00:10:02,720 --> 00:10:04,400
but I know how
to keep my asshole closed
239
00:10:04,440 --> 00:10:06,400
when I'm sucking a titty.
240
00:10:11,200 --> 00:10:13,040
Will you ask in your French?
241
00:10:13,080 --> 00:10:16,000
Oh, Christ. Did you not
take French in school?
242
00:10:16,040 --> 00:10:18,720
- No. I did German.
- Really?
243
00:10:18,760 --> 00:10:20,080
Say something to me
in German.
244
00:10:22,800 --> 00:10:24,040
No.
245
00:10:24,080 --> 00:10:25,000
Huh.
246
00:10:26,240 --> 00:10:28,040
- Bonjour.
- Bonjour.
247
00:10:33,080 --> 00:10:35,120
No. Uh... uh...
248
00:10:42,560 --> 00:10:43,600
No, no.
249
00:10:50,120 --> 00:10:52,000
Un instance, Monsieur.
Excusez-moi.
250
00:10:52,040 --> 00:10:53,920
Has she got any?
251
00:10:53,960 --> 00:10:55,480
I don't know. She's--
She's asking her friend.
252
00:10:55,520 --> 00:10:58,040
She doesn't seem to
understand my question.
253
00:10:58,080 --> 00:10:59,880
I'm going to get mastitis.
Oh, my God.
254
00:10:59,920 --> 00:11:01,320
I'm going to have
to get antibiotics
255
00:11:01,360 --> 00:11:02,440
from a French hospital.
256
00:11:08,360 --> 00:11:09,560
What? What'd she say?
257
00:11:09,600 --> 00:11:11,480
Look,
nous avons besoin de--
258
00:11:11,520 --> 00:11:12,800
Tell her my tits
are rock solid.
259
00:11:12,840 --> 00:11:14,160
...de lait de ma femme.
260
00:11:14,200 --> 00:11:15,480
You know what's
going to come out
261
00:11:15,520 --> 00:11:17,040
next time I breast-feed?
Not milk.
262
00:11:17,080 --> 00:11:18,960
Blood and pus.
263
00:11:22,200 --> 00:11:24,840
I know what chienne
and psychopathemean.
264
00:11:24,880 --> 00:11:26,840
Well, yeah,
I was talking to her.
265
00:11:26,880 --> 00:11:28,920
I was telling this...
fucking psychopath
266
00:11:28,960 --> 00:11:31,200
that if she doesn't help me
get the milk out of my wife,
267
00:11:31,240 --> 00:11:32,640
then I don't know
what I'm going to do.
268
00:11:33,520 --> 00:11:35,720
Oh, okay.
269
00:11:37,920 --> 00:11:39,480
Alors...
270
00:11:44,120 --> 00:11:46,040
Right.
271
00:11:46,080 --> 00:11:47,440
I'm just going to... okay?
272
00:11:47,480 --> 00:11:49,920
Order me the Frenchiest
thing on the menu.
273
00:11:49,960 --> 00:11:52,160
Okay. So like a cigarette
stabbed through a baguette?
274
00:11:54,400 --> 00:11:56,360
Merci.
275
00:11:58,320 --> 00:11:59,840
Hey, man. What's up?
276
00:11:59,880 --> 00:12:01,160
- Are you in Paris?
- Yep.
277
00:12:01,200 --> 00:12:02,680
Is it still a shithole?
278
00:12:02,720 --> 00:12:04,320
- No, it's, uh--
- Listen,
279
00:12:04,360 --> 00:12:05,720
I just wanted to say
I'm paranoid
280
00:12:05,760 --> 00:12:07,520
about what we talked
about the other day,
281
00:12:07,560 --> 00:12:09,440
and it's between
you and me.
282
00:12:09,480 --> 00:12:12,360
- You can't tell Sharon.
- Absolutely, I wouldn't--
283
00:12:12,400 --> 00:12:14,480
Good. I'm, uh, ahem,
284
00:12:14,520 --> 00:12:17,080
just about to head
into the cinema,
so I've got to go.
285
00:12:17,120 --> 00:12:19,360
All right, man.
Well, I'll talk--
286
00:12:19,400 --> 00:12:21,160
God.
287
00:12:21,200 --> 00:12:23,240
It needs bloody batteries.
288
00:12:23,280 --> 00:12:25,400
Let's just eat and we'll
just get some on the way
289
00:12:25,440 --> 00:12:28,720
home.
Ow. God, they're so sore.
290
00:12:28,760 --> 00:12:30,000
Who was that on the phone?
291
00:12:30,040 --> 00:12:33,120
Is everything okay
with the babies? Ow.
292
00:12:44,480 --> 00:12:46,200
Stop watching me drinking.
293
00:12:46,240 --> 00:12:48,720
So just stop looking at you?
294
00:12:51,600 --> 00:12:53,440
Aw. I'm not sure
295
00:12:53,480 --> 00:12:55,160
I'm ever going to get
used to having a husband
296
00:12:55,200 --> 00:12:58,480
who I can't share
just a lovely glass
of lovely wine with.
297
00:12:58,520 --> 00:13:01,520
It's really hard,
you know, for me.
298
00:13:01,560 --> 00:13:04,280
My fantasy was always
that when I get to 60,
299
00:13:04,320 --> 00:13:05,600
I'd have loads of money
300
00:13:05,640 --> 00:13:07,240
and I could hire a bodyguard
301
00:13:07,280 --> 00:13:08,440
to protect other people
from me
302
00:13:08,480 --> 00:13:09,840
and a driver
so that I could drink
303
00:13:09,880 --> 00:13:11,040
the way that I wanted to.
304
00:13:11,080 --> 00:13:12,720
What?
305
00:13:12,760 --> 00:13:14,160
So you're going
to start drinking again?
306
00:13:14,200 --> 00:13:15,880
No, I just thought
it might be something
307
00:13:15,920 --> 00:13:17,720
I might try again
in the future.
308
00:13:17,760 --> 00:13:19,440
Why are you even thinking
about drinking?
309
00:13:19,480 --> 00:13:20,800
- I'm not.
- Yes, you are!
310
00:13:20,840 --> 00:13:21,880
You just were.
311
00:13:21,920 --> 00:13:23,960
Okay. Uh, here's a reason.
312
00:13:24,000 --> 00:13:26,240
I might slightly fit in
with your family
313
00:13:26,280 --> 00:13:29,160
if I was splashing around
in my own trough of Guinness.
314
00:13:29,200 --> 00:13:30,680
What?
315
00:13:30,720 --> 00:13:33,160
That's so anti-Irish.
316
00:13:33,200 --> 00:13:34,640
Look, I wasn't--
317
00:13:34,680 --> 00:13:36,240
Forget the whole thing, okay?
318
00:13:36,280 --> 00:13:38,320
I love your family.
I love Ireland.
319
00:13:38,360 --> 00:13:40,000
And sometimes
I think about drinking.
320
00:13:40,040 --> 00:13:42,280
- That's fucked up.
- It's not fucked up.
321
00:13:42,320 --> 00:13:44,720
- It is!
- I don't drink. You do.
322
00:13:44,760 --> 00:13:46,920
One could argue that you've
had too many tonight.
323
00:13:46,960 --> 00:13:48,160
Oh, could one?
324
00:13:48,200 --> 00:13:49,520
You know,
I'd love to fight with you,
325
00:13:49,560 --> 00:13:51,400
but everybody else might
not want their dinner
326
00:13:51,440 --> 00:13:53,240
- ruined by our bullshit.
- Right.
327
00:13:53,280 --> 00:13:56,040
We're fighting because
he's an alcoholic.
328
00:13:56,080 --> 00:13:58,440
I'm going to the toilet.
329
00:14:00,120 --> 00:14:01,480
Also, he hates Irish people.
330
00:14:01,520 --> 00:14:04,480
I mean, I'm his wife for
some reason, so that--
331
00:14:04,520 --> 00:14:06,440
Is anyone even
listening to me?
332
00:14:06,480 --> 00:14:08,840
Anyway, just get
your head together.
333
00:14:08,880 --> 00:14:11,280
Okay? And have a long,
hard think about yourself.
334
00:14:11,320 --> 00:14:12,800
I mean, married to a drunk.
335
00:14:15,920 --> 00:14:16,880
Pardon.
336
00:14:18,240 --> 00:14:20,000
My tits hurt.
337
00:14:20,040 --> 00:14:21,920
Get over here.
338
00:14:31,320 --> 00:14:34,040
They hate us here. We're scum.
339
00:14:34,080 --> 00:14:36,760
No, they don't. French people
get high off of this shit.
340
00:14:36,800 --> 00:14:38,400
Fighting into kissing?
341
00:14:38,440 --> 00:14:40,920
We just performed a live
Fellini film for them.
342
00:14:40,960 --> 00:14:42,920
- Fellini's Italian.
- Good for him.
343
00:14:42,960 --> 00:14:44,680
Do you want to go
back to the hotel?
344
00:14:44,720 --> 00:14:46,400
Yeah.
345
00:14:46,440 --> 00:14:48,120
Oh, let's go to that bar
we passed
346
00:14:48,160 --> 00:14:49,880
with all the dodgy guys
out the front first.
347
00:14:49,920 --> 00:14:51,400
Why?
348
00:14:51,440 --> 00:14:53,160
Because I want
to get a little--
349
00:14:55,360 --> 00:14:57,400
- Weed.
- Yeah, I got it.
350
00:15:16,280 --> 00:15:19,480
Amaretto on the rocks.
351
00:15:19,520 --> 00:15:20,720
Hey.
352
00:15:22,120 --> 00:15:23,840
Kenneth?
353
00:15:23,880 --> 00:15:24,800
No.
354
00:15:34,800 --> 00:15:36,000
Kenneth?
355
00:15:50,880 --> 00:15:52,720
Rob...
356
00:15:52,760 --> 00:15:54,400
you sure you don't
want some of this?
357
00:15:54,440 --> 00:15:56,080
Yeah. I'm sure I don't want
358
00:15:56,120 --> 00:15:58,480
any of your stinky
French weed.
359
00:15:58,520 --> 00:16:00,640
And if we get kicked
out of this hotel
360
00:16:00,680 --> 00:16:02,200
- because of the smell--
- As if they'd give a shit
361
00:16:02,240 --> 00:16:03,840
about a bit of weed
in this hotel.
362
00:16:03,880 --> 00:16:05,920
Johnny Depp is
a habitual weed smoker.
363
00:16:05,960 --> 00:16:07,680
They c-can't have one rule
for Johnny Depp
364
00:16:07,720 --> 00:16:08,880
and one rule for me.
365
00:16:08,920 --> 00:16:10,480
I'm pretty sure they can.
366
00:16:21,360 --> 00:16:23,200
You're pumping while high?
367
00:16:23,240 --> 00:16:25,000
Yeah. Why wouldn't I?
368
00:16:25,040 --> 00:16:26,200
I mean,
it's the best time to--
369
00:16:26,240 --> 00:16:27,160
Oh, sh--
370
00:16:28,280 --> 00:16:29,280
Ow.
371
00:16:31,480 --> 00:16:32,600
Chris!
372
00:16:33,760 --> 00:16:34,720
Chris!
373
00:16:35,840 --> 00:16:37,600
- Dave.
- Hey.
374
00:16:37,640 --> 00:16:38,800
Shit, man.
I didn't see you there.
375
00:16:38,840 --> 00:16:40,040
What's, uh, what's up?
376
00:16:40,080 --> 00:16:41,760
Ah, just a bit
of midnight yoga.
377
00:16:41,800 --> 00:16:43,200
Ah, this is Catherine,
378
00:16:43,240 --> 00:16:44,960
my extraordinarily
beautiful girlfriend.
379
00:16:45,000 --> 00:16:46,560
- Hi.
- Hi.
380
00:16:46,600 --> 00:16:48,680
Street meat? I don't know
what animal it is,
381
00:16:48,720 --> 00:16:50,200
- but it tastes
fucking brilliant.
- No, thank you.
382
00:16:50,240 --> 00:16:51,600
So what are you
doing here?
383
00:16:51,640 --> 00:16:53,200
Looking for a bit
of cock-a-doodle-doo?
384
00:16:53,240 --> 00:16:55,240
What? No.
385
00:16:55,280 --> 00:16:58,120
I'm j-- I'm just messing
with you, man.
386
00:16:58,160 --> 00:17:00,520
Y-You wouldn't know it,
but that door is actually
387
00:17:00,560 --> 00:17:03,080
one of the biggest cock
meat markets in London.
388
00:17:03,120 --> 00:17:06,600
Right.
Got you. Good to know.
389
00:17:06,640 --> 00:17:10,000
No, I was just walking
home from a movie.
390
00:17:10,040 --> 00:17:12,240
Oh, cool. What did you see?
391
00:17:12,280 --> 00:17:14,120
Adam Sandler's
Fart Vacation.
392
00:17:22,120 --> 00:17:23,520
I swear to God,
I think I've broken a rib.
393
00:17:23,560 --> 00:17:25,680
It's just every time
I try and breathe, I--
394
00:17:27,160 --> 00:17:28,800
I just feel like I can't
take proper breaths.
395
00:17:28,840 --> 00:17:30,520
Sounds sore, honey.
396
00:17:33,880 --> 00:17:35,840
If it's to clean the room,
will you--
397
00:17:35,880 --> 00:17:37,720
ow-- will you tell them
to come back later?
398
00:17:42,360 --> 00:17:45,120
I forgot. I booked us
a joint massage.
399
00:17:45,160 --> 00:17:46,360
What?
400
00:17:46,400 --> 00:17:49,440
Oh, God, this is terrible.
401
00:17:49,480 --> 00:17:51,320
Can you tell them
I've broken my rib?
402
00:17:51,360 --> 00:17:52,800
Don't tell them how it
happened, though.
403
00:17:52,840 --> 00:17:53,840
Uh...
404
00:18:01,920 --> 00:18:04,480
- Oui.
- Merci.
405
00:18:04,520 --> 00:18:06,440
Did you tell them
we think it's broken?
406
00:18:06,480 --> 00:18:08,800
- Yeah.
- Okay.
407
00:18:08,840 --> 00:18:09,960
Ow...
408
00:18:18,520 --> 00:18:20,080
Bon. Tournez-vous,
s'il vous plaît.
409
00:18:20,120 --> 00:18:22,480
I did German.
410
00:18:22,520 --> 00:18:24,320
- Tournez-vous. Allez.
- Up.
411
00:18:24,360 --> 00:18:25,680
Comme ça.
412
00:18:25,720 --> 00:18:28,360
Okay, okay.
413
00:18:34,960 --> 00:18:36,960
That's better.
414
00:18:53,840 --> 00:18:55,040
What?
415
00:18:57,480 --> 00:18:58,880
Rob?
416
00:19:07,600 --> 00:19:09,440
I think
I've been assaulted.
417
00:19:09,480 --> 00:19:10,480
What?
418
00:19:10,520 --> 00:19:12,000
The man massaged my tits.
419
00:19:12,040 --> 00:19:13,000
What man?
420
00:19:13,040 --> 00:19:15,120
What man? The massager.
421
00:19:15,160 --> 00:19:16,560
He massaged my tits.
422
00:19:16,600 --> 00:19:19,280
What did you do?
Did you ask him to stop?
423
00:19:19,320 --> 00:19:21,080
No, I didn't. He w--
424
00:19:21,120 --> 00:19:23,440
It's Paris. You were asleep.
425
00:19:23,480 --> 00:19:26,120
What do you want me to do?
Do you want me to complain?
426
00:19:28,120 --> 00:19:29,680
I tipped him.
427
00:19:30,760 --> 00:19:32,800
You were asleep!
428
00:19:32,840 --> 00:19:35,080
I had to pay them.
You know, you have to tip.
429
00:19:35,120 --> 00:19:37,040
It's Paris!
430
00:19:37,080 --> 00:19:38,720
I don't know
what you ordered.
431
00:19:38,760 --> 00:19:40,800
Well, I didn't order that.
432
00:19:40,840 --> 00:19:42,960
I'm not sure we can
complain if you tipped him.
433
00:19:45,160 --> 00:19:46,840
Do you want to go
to the Pompidou Centre?
434
00:19:48,560 --> 00:19:50,080
Yeah, all right.
435
00:19:55,560 --> 00:19:57,160
You having a nice time?
436
00:19:57,200 --> 00:19:58,840
Not really.
437
00:19:58,880 --> 00:20:00,840
I don't think
we're holiday people.
438
00:20:00,880 --> 00:20:01,960
How do you mean?
439
00:20:02,000 --> 00:20:03,600
Well, I just--
440
00:20:03,640 --> 00:20:06,280
I think we're good
on a Tuesday, you know?
441
00:20:06,320 --> 00:20:07,960
When it's raining.
442
00:20:08,000 --> 00:20:10,200
Like, my favorite time
in the last year
443
00:20:10,240 --> 00:20:12,840
was when we pretended my arms
didn't work, remember?
444
00:20:12,880 --> 00:20:15,400
And you washed my hair and
put that weird outfit on me.
445
00:20:15,440 --> 00:20:18,560
Oh, my God.
Yeah, that was the best.
446
00:20:18,600 --> 00:20:20,040
Do you think it's bad
we haven't had sex
447
00:20:20,080 --> 00:20:21,240
even though we're in Paris?
448
00:20:21,280 --> 00:20:23,120
I'm not saying this
to upset you,
449
00:20:23,160 --> 00:20:25,120
but I've had plenty
of sex in Paris
450
00:20:25,160 --> 00:20:27,760
and it's not special
to have sex in Paris.
451
00:20:27,800 --> 00:20:30,680
Fuck Paris. Is the food
here that good?
452
00:20:30,720 --> 00:20:32,680
I mean, we've only eaten
cheese, if you think about it.
453
00:20:32,720 --> 00:20:34,480
I'm going to take a
shit in, like, February.
454
00:20:38,040 --> 00:20:39,640
You know
Fran's taken a lover?
455
00:20:39,680 --> 00:20:40,880
Yep.
456
00:20:40,920 --> 00:20:42,960
Poor Chris.
457
00:20:43,000 --> 00:20:45,280
I think he'll be okay.
458
00:20:45,320 --> 00:20:48,080
So just, you know--
459
00:20:48,120 --> 00:20:49,160
Just what?
460
00:20:49,200 --> 00:20:50,840
Just, you know, don't...
461
00:20:50,880 --> 00:20:52,800
Even though we're not
having tons of sex,
462
00:20:52,840 --> 00:20:54,360
don't take a lover, okay?
463
00:20:54,400 --> 00:20:56,120
Well, I don't want
to take a lover, but--
464
00:20:56,160 --> 00:20:57,320
Seriously,
if you take a lover,
465
00:20:57,360 --> 00:20:58,800
I will fucking
take a lover,
466
00:20:58,840 --> 00:21:00,360
whether I want one
or not.
467
00:21:00,400 --> 00:21:02,200
Okay. I won't take a lover.
468
00:21:02,240 --> 00:21:05,000
Unless Alicia Keys responds
469
00:21:05,040 --> 00:21:08,040
to the MySpace messages
I sent her in 2004.
470
00:21:08,080 --> 00:21:10,400
If you hook up with Keys,
I'm going after Hamm.
471
00:21:10,440 --> 00:21:12,400
Hamm? Say his full name.
472
00:21:12,440 --> 00:21:13,720
Jon Barnaby Hamm.
473
00:21:13,760 --> 00:21:14,680
Why Hamm?
474
00:21:14,720 --> 00:21:16,160
His teeth are too small.
475
00:21:16,200 --> 00:21:17,560
People don't talk about that.
476
00:21:19,800 --> 00:21:21,440
This is good, isn't it?
477
00:21:21,480 --> 00:21:23,480
This has been worth it,
I think.
478
00:21:23,520 --> 00:21:24,920
We would never
have talked about this
479
00:21:24,960 --> 00:21:26,240
if we hadn't come to Paris.
480
00:21:27,560 --> 00:21:28,600
You having a nice time?
481
00:21:40,360 --> 00:21:42,640
I'm going to go over there
and assault him, okay?
482
00:21:42,680 --> 00:21:45,800
Okay. Ah, just before
you do that, just--
483
00:21:45,840 --> 00:21:47,640
I just want to quickly
tell you something first.
484
00:21:47,680 --> 00:21:49,400
Okay.
485
00:21:49,440 --> 00:21:51,320
I may have come.
486
00:21:51,360 --> 00:21:53,520
- What?
- I'm not sure. I just--
487
00:21:53,560 --> 00:21:55,040
And-- And it was
more of a plateau,
488
00:21:55,080 --> 00:21:56,200
you know, than a full...
489
00:21:56,240 --> 00:21:58,240
Ah, maybe...
490
00:21:58,280 --> 00:22:01,040
Just because I enjoyed it
doesn't make it right!
491
00:22:01,080 --> 00:22:03,560
Right. No?
492
00:22:05,760 --> 00:22:07,200
Should we just go
up to the room?
493
00:22:07,240 --> 00:22:08,640
Yeah.
494
00:22:11,720 --> 00:22:12,920
Bonjour.
495
00:22:14,400 --> 00:22:15,880
What time's our train?
496
00:22:15,920 --> 00:22:18,280
6:13.
497
00:22:33,480 --> 00:22:34,840
Do you think Johnny heard us?
498
00:22:34,880 --> 00:22:36,520
He definitely heard us,
499
00:22:36,560 --> 00:22:38,400
even if he's not
staying here right now.
500
00:22:44,960 --> 00:22:46,840
Is it bad that I came
inside you?
501
00:22:46,880 --> 00:22:48,920
No.
502
00:22:48,960 --> 00:22:50,560
I don't know.
503
00:22:50,600 --> 00:22:52,480
It's Paris.
504
00:22:52,520 --> 00:22:55,120
You know, and if we end up
conceiving a baby in Paris,
505
00:22:55,160 --> 00:22:57,680
then...
506
00:23:02,360 --> 00:23:04,040
I didn't
think that through.
507
00:23:05,680 --> 00:23:06,880
Oh, shit.
508
00:23:09,000 --> 00:23:10,480
What are you doing?
509
00:23:10,520 --> 00:23:13,120
What's it look like
I'm doing?
510
00:23:13,160 --> 00:23:15,000
I learned this
in convent school.
511
00:23:16,280 --> 00:23:17,600
Is it coming out?
512
00:23:17,640 --> 00:23:19,920
Uh, I don't know.
513
00:23:19,960 --> 00:23:21,360
Oh, look. There it goes.
514
00:23:21,400 --> 00:23:23,400
Wow.
35617
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.
Afrikaans
Akan
Albanian
Amharic
Arabic
Armenian
Azerbaijani
Basque
Belarusian
Bemba
Bengali
Bihari
Bosnian
Breton
Bulgarian
Cambodian
Catalan
Cebuano
Cherokee
Chichewa
Chinese (Simplified)
Chinese (Traditional)
Corsican
Croatian
Czech
Danish
Dutch
English
Esperanto
Estonian
Faroese
Finnish
Galician
Georgian
German
Guarani
Haitian Creole
Hausa
Hawaiian
Hebrew
Hmong
Hungarian
Icelandic
Indonesian
Irish
Italian
Japanese
Kazakh
Kinyarwanda
Kirundi
Kongo
Korean
Krio (Sierra Leone)
Kurdish
Kyrgyz
Laothian
Latin
Latvian
Lithuanian
Luganda
Luo
Luxembourgish
Macedonian
Malagasy
Malay
Maltese
Maori
Mauritian Creole
Moldavian
Mongolian
Myanmar (Burmese)
Montenegrin
Nepali
Norwegian
Pashto
Persian
Polish
Portuguese (Brazil)
Portuguese (Portugal)
Quechua
Romanian
Romansh
Russian
Samoan
Scots Gaelic
Serbian
Sesotho
Setswana
Seychellois Creole
Shona
Sindhi
Sinhalese
Slovak
Slovenian
Somali
Spanish
Swedish
Tajik
Thai
Tigrinya
Tonga
Turkish
Turkmen
Ukrainian
Uzbek
Vietnamese
Welsh
Wolof