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1
00:00:06,960 --> 00:00:09,600
What's the matter?
2
00:00:09,640 --> 00:00:12,160
I wasn't 100% sure
you were coming back.
3
00:00:12,200 --> 00:00:14,360
You know, your flight
landed 30 minutes ago.
4
00:00:14,400 --> 00:00:16,160
My luggage was
on the wrong carousel.
5
00:00:16,200 --> 00:00:17,920
Why wouldn't I come back?
6
00:00:17,960 --> 00:00:19,800
I don't know.
7
00:00:19,840 --> 00:00:22,320
You're already on a plane,
you have a passport.
8
00:00:22,360 --> 00:00:25,440
You thought
I'd hijack the plane
to get away from you?
9
00:00:25,480 --> 00:00:27,400
Did you miss me?
10
00:00:27,440 --> 00:00:29,560
I was angry at how much
I missed you.
11
00:00:29,600 --> 00:00:31,000
I missed you, too.
12
00:00:31,040 --> 00:00:33,040
Just the last
two days, though.
13
00:00:34,440 --> 00:00:36,120
Did you watch porn?
14
00:00:36,160 --> 00:00:37,520
Yeah, absolutely.
15
00:00:37,560 --> 00:00:39,400
But I would always
take a pillow
16
00:00:39,440 --> 00:00:41,600
and make a little Sharon
out of it
17
00:00:41,640 --> 00:00:44,080
that I would hug
while I watched.
18
00:00:44,120 --> 00:00:47,240
Ha ha! I did the same,
just without the pillow.
19
00:00:47,280 --> 00:00:50,000
It's actually really hard
for me to masturbate
at the moment
20
00:00:50,040 --> 00:00:52,440
because I've got to look
over my belly to do it,
21
00:00:52,480 --> 00:00:55,080
and I know there's
a baby in there, so it's
kind of off-putting.
22
00:00:55,120 --> 00:00:57,160
It's like you wouldn't
want to have a wank
23
00:00:57,200 --> 00:00:59,360
if there were kids playing
in the background, you know?
24
00:00:59,400 --> 00:01:00,840
Yeah, yeah.
25
00:01:00,880 --> 00:01:04,240
That's kind of one
of my things, not doing that.
26
00:01:04,280 --> 00:01:06,200
Did anyone try
and convince you to stay?
27
00:01:06,240 --> 00:01:08,760
Yes. My friend Cory said,
28
00:01:08,800 --> 00:01:11,400
"I'll see you in six months
when it doesn't work out."
29
00:01:11,440 --> 00:01:13,200
- Ugh.
- I was--
30
00:01:13,240 --> 00:01:15,680
I mean, that's given me more
motivation to make this work
31
00:01:15,720 --> 00:01:17,680
than even the baby.
32
00:01:17,720 --> 00:01:20,800
Yeah. Did you sort things
out with your mum?
33
00:01:20,840 --> 00:01:23,280
No. Not even close.
34
00:01:23,320 --> 00:01:26,360
I can't believe
it's taken me 38 years
35
00:01:26,400 --> 00:01:29,040
to realize that my mother
is a shit bubble.
36
00:01:32,040 --> 00:01:33,720
Did you get
your best man sorted?
37
00:01:33,760 --> 00:01:34,920
No.
38
00:01:34,960 --> 00:01:36,240
Because I've got
a maid of honor now,
39
00:01:36,280 --> 00:01:37,400
so you have to.
40
00:01:37,440 --> 00:01:38,640
Who's your maid of honor?
Fran?
41
00:01:38,680 --> 00:01:41,040
What? No.
Although she did offer.
42
00:01:41,080 --> 00:01:42,880
No, I got panicked
one night,
43
00:01:42,920 --> 00:01:44,640
and I asked my friend
Kate from uni.
44
00:01:44,680 --> 00:01:47,680
So she's going to come
over for a week,
45
00:01:47,720 --> 00:01:49,640
hang out, you know,
have some fun.
46
00:01:49,680 --> 00:01:51,960
Does she know that you're
not fun any more?
47
00:01:52,000 --> 00:01:53,800
You're such a fucker.
48
00:01:55,400 --> 00:01:58,040
I could ask your brother
to be my best man.
49
00:01:58,080 --> 00:01:59,880
What would you think of that?
50
00:01:59,920 --> 00:02:01,680
Well, yeah. You can ask him.
51
00:02:01,720 --> 00:02:04,240
I mean, you barely know him.
52
00:02:04,280 --> 00:02:06,440
Eh. I barely know you.
53
00:02:10,960 --> 00:02:12,400
It would be an honor.
54
00:02:12,440 --> 00:02:13,720
Thank you.
55
00:02:13,760 --> 00:02:15,200
I mean it.
56
00:02:15,240 --> 00:02:16,920
You're
part of this family now.
57
00:02:16,960 --> 00:02:19,520
You've given my sister
something to live for.
58
00:02:19,560 --> 00:02:21,240
- I'm not sure she--
- I love you, man.
59
00:02:21,280 --> 00:02:23,320
I love you too, man.
60
00:02:23,360 --> 00:02:25,320
You're my brother.
61
00:02:26,720 --> 00:02:29,920
Hey, Fergal, are you drunk?
62
00:02:29,960 --> 00:02:32,000
Since Wednesday.
63
00:02:32,040 --> 00:02:34,320
Jesus. What's in there?
64
00:02:34,360 --> 00:02:36,320
Bailey's, you pussy.
65
00:02:36,360 --> 00:02:37,920
Mallandra's gone.
66
00:02:37,960 --> 00:02:39,520
She-- Where?
67
00:02:39,560 --> 00:02:40,640
Mm.
68
00:02:40,680 --> 00:02:43,240
To Spain, with the kids.
69
00:02:43,280 --> 00:02:47,440
But when she gets back,
she wants a divorce.
70
00:02:47,480 --> 00:02:50,480
She wants a fucking divorce!
71
00:02:50,520 --> 00:02:52,040
She's going to take my kids!
72
00:02:52,080 --> 00:02:53,680
She's not going
to take your kids.
73
00:02:53,720 --> 00:02:54,720
Aah!
74
00:02:54,760 --> 00:02:55,720
And don't you have to agree
75
00:02:55,760 --> 00:02:57,200
to let somebody divorce you?
76
00:02:57,240 --> 00:02:58,680
Don't let her divorce you,
and we'll fix it.
77
00:02:58,720 --> 00:03:01,160
I really fucked up this time.
78
00:03:01,200 --> 00:03:03,480
I mean, ha.
I've got a problem.
79
00:03:03,520 --> 00:03:05,920
I'm a fucking monster!
80
00:03:05,960 --> 00:03:07,920
What did you do?
81
00:03:07,960 --> 00:03:10,240
Thank you.
Thank you very much.
82
00:03:10,280 --> 00:03:12,480
Your wedding is the week
before my court date,
83
00:03:12,520 --> 00:03:14,960
so it'll give me something
to look forward to.
84
00:03:16,600 --> 00:03:18,480
D'you want a smoothie?
85
00:03:22,280 --> 00:03:24,040
Oh, there he is.
86
00:03:24,080 --> 00:03:26,680
Rob, this is Kate,
my maid of honor.
87
00:03:26,720 --> 00:03:28,080
Kate, this is Rob,
the future Mr. Sharon Morris.
88
00:03:28,120 --> 00:03:30,040
Great to meet you, Kate.
89
00:03:30,080 --> 00:03:32,320
Sharon,
can I just talk to you?
90
00:03:32,360 --> 00:03:34,600
I'm so happy
to finally meet you!
91
00:03:34,640 --> 00:03:36,680
It's great to meet you.
92
00:03:36,720 --> 00:03:38,160
You know, you've got
a good one here.
93
00:03:38,200 --> 00:03:40,600
Even if you hadn't
gotten her pregnant,
94
00:03:40,640 --> 00:03:42,280
she'd be a catch.
95
00:03:42,320 --> 00:03:44,840
You know, she got
all the dick back home.
96
00:03:44,880 --> 00:03:46,640
Well, not all of it.
97
00:03:46,680 --> 00:03:50,080
We are going to have
a legendary week.
98
00:03:51,920 --> 00:03:53,680
You know,
this is my first time
99
00:03:53,720 --> 00:03:55,320
away from my kids
in five years.
100
00:03:55,360 --> 00:03:59,520
I don't miss them, and I
fucking love London!
101
00:03:59,560 --> 00:04:01,040
Ha ha ha ha!
102
00:04:01,080 --> 00:04:03,160
Can I just talk to you
for a quick second?
103
00:04:03,200 --> 00:04:04,640
Yeah.
104
00:04:09,440 --> 00:04:11,400
She's always annoying
for the first day or so.
105
00:04:11,440 --> 00:04:13,080
No, no, it's not that.
106
00:04:13,120 --> 00:04:15,440
I mean yes, she is very
annoying, but it's Fergal.
107
00:04:15,480 --> 00:04:17,160
Is he not going to do it?
108
00:04:17,200 --> 00:04:18,840
No, he is going to do it,
but did he tell you--
109
00:04:18,880 --> 00:04:20,760
- Tell me what?
- What he's done?
110
00:04:20,800 --> 00:04:23,000
- What did he do?
- I don't know.
111
00:04:23,040 --> 00:04:24,720
What are you asking me?
112
00:04:24,760 --> 00:04:26,320
Well, do you know
that Mallandra left him?
113
00:04:26,360 --> 00:04:28,560
Yeah. She does that,
like, twice a year.
114
00:04:28,600 --> 00:04:29,840
Do you know why?
115
00:04:29,880 --> 00:04:31,600
Yes.
Because he's a prick.
116
00:04:31,640 --> 00:04:32,840
No. I think
it's worse than that.
117
00:04:32,880 --> 00:04:34,440
What are you talking about?
118
00:04:34,480 --> 00:04:37,280
I don't know, but there
was something in his eyes
119
00:04:37,320 --> 00:04:39,520
that said "I've done
something really bad."
120
00:04:39,560 --> 00:04:41,360
Something in his eyes?
121
00:04:41,400 --> 00:04:44,320
Look, I don't know, I think
he may have hurt someone.
122
00:04:44,360 --> 00:04:47,360
I'm not saying he has a freezer
full of kid-meat or anything--
123
00:04:47,400 --> 00:04:49,800
Listen. I don't know
if you're stressed or what,
124
00:04:49,840 --> 00:04:51,920
but you need to stop
slandering my brother,
125
00:04:51,960 --> 00:04:54,080
and I need to stop
ignoring my visitor.
126
00:04:54,120 --> 00:04:55,880
This is rude. Okay?
127
00:04:55,920 --> 00:04:57,680
We are both being
very rude at the moment.
128
00:04:57,720 --> 00:05:00,880
Sorry. Do you have Sudocreme
or something?
129
00:05:00,920 --> 00:05:03,720
It's just I got
a Brazilian yesterday,
130
00:05:03,760 --> 00:05:06,400
and my pussy's on fire.
131
00:05:08,160 --> 00:05:09,920
I'll get you some.
132
00:05:13,520 --> 00:05:16,400
I'd like to introduce
Rob Norris to you all.
133
00:05:16,440 --> 00:05:19,000
Rob helped establish
Frye & Loeb in Boston.
134
00:05:19,040 --> 00:05:22,280
He's also coached brands
wrestling with PR issues.
135
00:05:22,320 --> 00:05:25,640
I guess you could say
he's a sort of a
perception engineer.
136
00:05:25,680 --> 00:05:29,000
Rob, the floor is yours.
137
00:05:29,040 --> 00:05:30,440
Thank you, Harita.
138
00:05:30,480 --> 00:05:33,760
Well, the public
are like toddlers.
139
00:05:33,800 --> 00:05:36,360
They like shiny things,
like scandal,
140
00:05:36,400 --> 00:05:38,360
like astronauts maybe dying
141
00:05:38,400 --> 00:05:40,480
because they took
Braeband's flagship drug.
142
00:05:40,520 --> 00:05:43,320
So we need to distract them
with something even shinier.
143
00:05:43,360 --> 00:05:47,080
And what if-- what if
that shiny thing
144
00:05:47,120 --> 00:05:49,160
could also be
something truly good?
145
00:05:49,200 --> 00:05:51,360
I'm sure I don't need
to tell you guys
146
00:05:51,400 --> 00:05:53,640
what animal kills the most
people on earth every year.
147
00:05:55,960 --> 00:05:56,960
Sharks?
148
00:05:57,000 --> 00:05:58,760
No. It's not sharks.
149
00:05:58,800 --> 00:06:01,560
It's the mosquito
because of malaria.
150
00:06:01,600 --> 00:06:04,000
And who's treated more cases
of malaria in India
151
00:06:04,040 --> 00:06:06,040
than anyone else?
152
00:06:07,120 --> 00:06:09,280
It's not sharks.
153
00:06:09,320 --> 00:06:11,400
But it's not Braeband, either.
154
00:06:11,440 --> 00:06:14,000
It's the Dutch
company Nyromax.
155
00:06:14,040 --> 00:06:15,720
Now, what if Braeband
were able to--
156
00:06:15,760 --> 00:06:17,720
Rob, I'm going to interrupt
you for just a second here
157
00:06:17,760 --> 00:06:20,200
and say that your enthusiasm
is really something.
158
00:06:20,240 --> 00:06:21,880
- Well, honestly--
- Thank you so much.
159
00:06:21,920 --> 00:06:24,600
Guys, this is what
courage looks like:
160
00:06:24,640 --> 00:06:26,520
not some dusty old astronaut
161
00:06:26,560 --> 00:06:29,080
whose kids are basically
committing libel.
162
00:06:31,720 --> 00:06:33,600
Do you think
she'll be much longer?
163
00:06:33,640 --> 00:06:34,640
Why? Did you leave
your lip liner in there?
164
00:06:34,680 --> 00:06:36,600
No. I do that in the cab.
165
00:06:36,640 --> 00:06:38,840
You look nice.
Where are they taking you?
166
00:06:38,880 --> 00:06:40,920
Just for a steak.
Montefiores.
167
00:06:40,960 --> 00:06:41,920
Nice.
168
00:06:41,960 --> 00:06:43,160
Where are you guys off to?
169
00:06:43,200 --> 00:06:44,880
Just going to go
for a pizza, I think.
170
00:06:44,920 --> 00:06:47,400
Ready. We're going
to take it easy, Daddy.
171
00:06:47,440 --> 00:06:50,920
Just a couple of glasses
of wine, bit of dancing,
172
00:06:50,960 --> 00:06:52,240
half an E.
173
00:06:52,280 --> 00:06:53,920
I probably
won't do any E.
174
00:06:53,960 --> 00:06:55,240
Neither will I.
175
00:06:55,280 --> 00:06:58,240
Well, call me if you--
176
00:06:58,280 --> 00:06:59,680
Have a great night.
177
00:07:05,320 --> 00:07:07,400
What's up, cock-munchers?
178
00:07:07,440 --> 00:07:09,240
Pretty good.
You know Chris?
179
00:07:09,280 --> 00:07:10,320
Hey, man.
180
00:07:15,560 --> 00:07:16,680
Get in.
181
00:07:16,720 --> 00:07:18,600
Wait. What are we
not going for steak?
182
00:07:18,640 --> 00:07:19,600
Get in!
183
00:07:27,720 --> 00:07:30,200
Do you know what hospital
you're having the baby at?
184
00:07:30,240 --> 00:07:31,760
Um, St Thomas'.
185
00:07:31,800 --> 00:07:33,240
My daughters were born there.
186
00:07:33,280 --> 00:07:34,800
- No way.
- Yeah, it's great.
187
00:07:34,840 --> 00:07:37,320
My wife loved it. She had
a water birth there.
188
00:07:37,360 --> 00:07:39,640
You should do that. It just
swims right out. It's easy.
189
00:07:39,680 --> 00:07:41,880
Ha ha.
Okay. I'll try that.
190
00:07:41,920 --> 00:07:43,840
You have beautiful eyes.
191
00:07:43,880 --> 00:07:46,120
Sorry? What the fuck?
192
00:07:48,160 --> 00:07:50,120
I think I want
to get out of here now.
193
00:07:50,160 --> 00:07:51,480
Me too.
194
00:07:51,520 --> 00:07:53,640
See the guy I'm talking to?
195
00:07:56,080 --> 00:07:58,560
He wants to show me his boat.
196
00:07:58,600 --> 00:08:00,720
Imagine.
197
00:08:02,160 --> 00:08:05,560
So do you mind
if I go with him?
198
00:08:06,640 --> 00:08:07,680
I'll be back in the morning.
199
00:08:07,720 --> 00:08:09,640
I'll bring pastries.
200
00:08:09,680 --> 00:08:12,560
I'm going to the loo
now, okay?
201
00:08:12,600 --> 00:08:14,360
Because my baby is pushing
down on my bladder,
202
00:08:14,400 --> 00:08:16,240
and then we're going
to leave, okay?
203
00:08:16,280 --> 00:08:19,120
So say good night
to the rapist,
204
00:08:19,160 --> 00:08:21,840
and I'll see you out
the front in five, okay?
205
00:08:21,880 --> 00:08:23,280
Yeah, okay.
206
00:08:34,280 --> 00:08:36,440
Good shit, huh?
207
00:08:36,480 --> 00:08:38,800
You know, I want to like it.
208
00:08:38,840 --> 00:08:41,000
I mean it's naked women--
great--
209
00:08:41,040 --> 00:08:43,000
and dancing,
which I also love,
210
00:08:43,040 --> 00:08:45,160
so it's two great
things together,
211
00:08:45,200 --> 00:08:47,320
but then you add
a bunch of sweaty guys,
212
00:08:47,360 --> 00:08:50,600
and, you know,
you leering at them,
213
00:08:50,640 --> 00:08:52,160
and it's just
kind of a bummer.
214
00:08:52,200 --> 00:08:53,760
Yeah, sure.
Put this in her thong.
215
00:08:55,760 --> 00:08:57,040
Lenore.
216
00:08:57,080 --> 00:08:58,680
Chris?
217
00:08:58,720 --> 00:09:00,280
Oh, my God!
218
00:09:00,320 --> 00:09:01,840
What are you doing here?
219
00:09:01,880 --> 00:09:03,960
Yelp said you do
a good onion ring.
220
00:09:05,280 --> 00:09:07,240
You look fuckin' amazing.
221
00:09:07,280 --> 00:09:09,760
Yeah, well, you put on
an ounce in this place,
222
00:09:09,800 --> 00:09:11,160
and they make you dance
for the Chinese lads.
223
00:09:11,200 --> 00:09:12,760
Oh. Sure, sure.
224
00:09:12,800 --> 00:09:15,880
Fuck me. Chris Beesley.
225
00:09:15,920 --> 00:09:18,240
Going to get your dinky
stinky?
226
00:09:18,280 --> 00:09:19,920
I don't know who that is.
227
00:09:19,960 --> 00:09:21,760
Listen,
I'm on the clock,
228
00:09:21,800 --> 00:09:23,880
but do you want
to buy a dance?
229
00:09:23,920 --> 00:09:25,400
We could catch up.
230
00:09:25,440 --> 00:09:26,680
Sure.
231
00:09:30,360 --> 00:09:32,200
- Hey--
- Shh.
232
00:09:32,240 --> 00:09:34,680
You're not allowed to talk
while they're dancing.
233
00:09:34,720 --> 00:09:36,560
- I was just gonna--
- Shh.
234
00:09:41,160 --> 00:09:42,840
Girls.
235
00:09:42,880 --> 00:09:44,640
And do you have any kids?
236
00:09:44,680 --> 00:09:46,320
One boy.
237
00:09:46,360 --> 00:09:49,080
I've got a boy
and a little girl.
238
00:09:49,120 --> 00:09:52,800
Two kids came out of that?
Wow.
239
00:09:52,840 --> 00:09:54,360
Well, outdoors is all right,
240
00:09:54,400 --> 00:09:56,960
but my fanny looks like it
stepped on a land mine.
241
00:09:59,200 --> 00:10:00,880
How long have you been
with your wife?
242
00:10:00,920 --> 00:10:02,760
12 years. Her name's Fran.
243
00:10:02,800 --> 00:10:05,880
And does Fran not mind you
coming to places like this?
244
00:10:05,920 --> 00:10:08,240
Not as long as I fuck her
when I get back home.
245
00:10:09,800 --> 00:10:11,440
She doesn't know I'm here.
246
00:10:12,880 --> 00:10:14,440
Listen, there's
rooms out the back
247
00:10:14,480 --> 00:10:15,960
that are a bit more private,
248
00:10:16,000 --> 00:10:19,120
if you want to,
you know... talk more.
249
00:10:20,480 --> 00:10:22,720
I think I should get
back to the lads.
250
00:10:25,120 --> 00:10:26,400
You sure?
251
00:10:27,600 --> 00:10:29,040
No.
252
00:10:31,440 --> 00:10:33,320
Ahem.
253
00:10:46,200 --> 00:10:48,200
Oh. I left my bag inside.
254
00:10:48,240 --> 00:10:50,160
I'll be one minute,
two minutes.
255
00:10:50,200 --> 00:10:51,720
This bag?
256
00:10:51,760 --> 00:10:53,240
You left this bag inside?
257
00:10:53,280 --> 00:10:55,800
I want to see the boat.
258
00:10:55,840 --> 00:10:57,560
Look at me. Focus.
259
00:10:57,600 --> 00:10:59,080
There's no boat.
260
00:10:59,120 --> 00:11:01,680
There's a tiny flat
with a filthy mattress
261
00:11:01,720 --> 00:11:04,040
and nose hair
clippings in the sink.
262
00:11:04,080 --> 00:11:06,160
I want a filthy mattress.
263
00:11:06,200 --> 00:11:08,400
I want any mattress.
264
00:11:08,440 --> 00:11:11,240
I'm not happy.
265
00:11:11,280 --> 00:11:13,640
Oh, darling,
266
00:11:13,680 --> 00:11:15,240
I am so sorry to hear that,
267
00:11:15,280 --> 00:11:17,080
but you're going
to be even less happy
268
00:11:17,120 --> 00:11:21,160
if you get all cut up
and put in a bin bag, okay?
269
00:11:21,200 --> 00:11:23,760
So come on.
Let's just go.
270
00:11:25,800 --> 00:11:27,080
- Whoa!
- Oh, God!
271
00:11:27,120 --> 00:11:28,760
Oh, my God.
272
00:11:28,800 --> 00:11:31,000
Shit. Did you just
bang your head?
273
00:11:31,040 --> 00:11:33,240
- Are you--
- I'm okay. I'm okay!
274
00:11:33,280 --> 00:11:36,080
Ugh. Ow.
275
00:11:38,840 --> 00:11:40,640
Oh, fuck.
276
00:11:40,680 --> 00:11:42,360
Just wait there.
Don't move.
277
00:11:42,400 --> 00:11:43,920
Don't move.
I'll get some help.
278
00:11:43,960 --> 00:11:45,400
Don't move.
279
00:11:45,440 --> 00:11:46,640
I need some help.
280
00:11:46,680 --> 00:11:49,640
Can you get a first aid
kit or something?
281
00:11:49,680 --> 00:11:51,480
She's really banged her head.
282
00:11:51,520 --> 00:11:54,120
Hello? I need an ambulance.
283
00:11:54,160 --> 00:11:57,480
Where's the woman
that was lying there?
284
00:11:57,520 --> 00:11:59,720
Where's the woman? Kate!
285
00:12:01,520 --> 00:12:04,440
Kate?
286
00:12:04,480 --> 00:12:05,720
Kate!
287
00:12:05,760 --> 00:12:07,040
I want to tell you
what I did.
288
00:12:07,080 --> 00:12:08,440
In the States,
289
00:12:08,480 --> 00:12:10,320
you get a lot more bang
for your buck
290
00:12:10,360 --> 00:12:13,120
because you can use your
dollar dollar bills, yo!
291
00:12:13,160 --> 00:12:15,480
You've already
given me, like, £300.
292
00:12:15,520 --> 00:12:16,640
Rob, Rob,
I need to talk to you.
293
00:12:16,680 --> 00:12:18,240
Do you? Do you now?
294
00:12:18,280 --> 00:12:20,240
You can't really
put a pound coin
295
00:12:20,280 --> 00:12:21,480
down a dancer's G-string.
296
00:12:21,520 --> 00:12:22,840
It's just
going to fall out.
297
00:12:22,880 --> 00:12:24,560
I want to tell you
what happened.
298
00:12:24,600 --> 00:12:25,760
What if you didn't?
299
00:12:25,800 --> 00:12:27,400
I found out
that Mallandra--
300
00:12:27,440 --> 00:12:29,240
I threw a pound coin
on the stage once,
301
00:12:29,280 --> 00:12:32,640
but it bounced,
and it chipped
the dancer's tooth.
302
00:12:32,680 --> 00:12:36,280
Do you ever shut your fucking
trap for five minutes?
303
00:12:36,320 --> 00:12:38,200
Shut up, huh?
304
00:12:38,240 --> 00:12:40,640
- Sorry. I--
- Shut the fuck up!
305
00:12:40,680 --> 00:12:41,920
Shut the fuck up!
306
00:12:41,960 --> 00:12:43,800
- Jesus!
- Shut the fuck up!
307
00:12:43,840 --> 00:12:45,760
- No! No!
- You never shut up!
308
00:12:47,760 --> 00:12:51,480
And I'll have the 32-ounce
Kobe Tomahawk.
309
00:12:59,800 --> 00:13:01,080
Hey.
310
00:13:02,880 --> 00:13:05,760
We can't just roam London
yelling her name.
311
00:13:05,800 --> 00:13:07,200
I mean, the fact is,
312
00:13:07,240 --> 00:13:09,520
statistically, she's
going to wake up today,
313
00:13:09,560 --> 00:13:12,560
maybe with a concussion
and probably with herpes,
314
00:13:12,600 --> 00:13:15,080
but she'll be alive,
and we can send her
315
00:13:15,120 --> 00:13:17,280
directly back to Ireland
on a bus.
316
00:13:17,320 --> 00:13:18,720
I don't understand.
317
00:13:18,760 --> 00:13:22,000
Her Facebook is all
PTA and cake sale shit
318
00:13:22,040 --> 00:13:23,560
and Deepak Chopra quotes.
319
00:13:23,600 --> 00:13:24,880
Maybe she's
getting back at you
320
00:13:24,920 --> 00:13:26,200
for all that dick.
321
00:13:26,240 --> 00:13:27,760
She's missing.
322
00:13:27,800 --> 00:13:29,840
She cracked her skull open.
323
00:13:29,880 --> 00:13:32,040
I don't know what to--
Should I call her husband?
324
00:13:32,080 --> 00:13:33,520
What are you going to say?
325
00:13:33,560 --> 00:13:36,640
Uh, hey, Rick. I know
it's been six years,
326
00:13:36,680 --> 00:13:38,200
but wanted to let you know
327
00:13:38,240 --> 00:13:41,160
your wife is fucking
a guy on a boat.
328
00:13:41,200 --> 00:13:43,040
- Or dead.
- Or dead,
329
00:13:43,080 --> 00:13:45,040
but probably
fucking a guy on a boat.
330
00:13:45,080 --> 00:13:48,880
Oh. She was supposed to help
me get my dress today.
331
00:13:48,920 --> 00:13:50,640
I'm sorry, honey.
332
00:13:50,680 --> 00:13:52,560
Are you going
straight to work?
333
00:13:52,600 --> 00:13:54,240
Yeah, unfortunately.
334
00:13:54,280 --> 00:13:57,000
Why? I thought
it was getting better.
335
00:13:57,040 --> 00:13:59,000
Weren't you going
to be a spy for God?
336
00:13:59,040 --> 00:14:00,760
I don't want to burden you
with it now,
337
00:14:00,800 --> 00:14:03,120
but my prevailing sense is
338
00:14:03,160 --> 00:14:05,840
that it's bad people
doing bad things
339
00:14:05,880 --> 00:14:07,160
and I'm helping them.
340
00:14:07,200 --> 00:14:09,040
It doesn't have to be forever.
341
00:14:09,080 --> 00:14:11,760
You know, just the next
18 years or so.
342
00:14:11,800 --> 00:14:12,880
Right.
343
00:14:12,920 --> 00:14:14,400
Better now?
344
00:14:25,960 --> 00:14:27,640
Two minutes late.
345
00:14:41,640 --> 00:14:43,480
Special delivery.
346
00:14:43,520 --> 00:14:46,680
Oh, God, don't say
special delivery.
347
00:14:49,840 --> 00:14:51,120
Hi.
348
00:14:51,160 --> 00:14:52,800
Oh, my God,
what is she wearing?
349
00:14:52,840 --> 00:14:54,120
I don't want to hear it.
350
00:14:55,920 --> 00:14:57,200
Hi.
351
00:14:57,240 --> 00:14:59,280
You look beautiful.
352
00:14:59,320 --> 00:15:00,800
No, I don't.
I look like a couch.
353
00:15:00,840 --> 00:15:02,720
A beautiful couch.
354
00:15:02,760 --> 00:15:04,360
I'm going
to take the hat off.
355
00:15:04,400 --> 00:15:06,920
Fran really pushed the hat.
I don't like the hat.
356
00:15:06,960 --> 00:15:08,640
Well,
I don't think you need it
357
00:15:08,680 --> 00:15:14,400
because I would like
to look at this unencumbered.
358
00:15:14,440 --> 00:15:16,440
- Do you want to go in there?
- Yeah.
359
00:15:18,640 --> 00:15:20,720
- It's good to see you.
- Yeah. All right.
360
00:15:22,320 --> 00:15:25,240
Hey. Are you okay?
361
00:15:25,280 --> 00:15:27,280
Yes.
362
00:15:27,320 --> 00:15:28,960
Good.
363
00:15:30,560 --> 00:15:32,880
Okay,
I took it off because--
364
00:15:32,920 --> 00:15:34,280
Kate, singsong:
Sorry I'm late.
365
00:15:34,320 --> 00:15:37,640
Oh. You look lovely.
366
00:15:37,680 --> 00:15:38,760
Where the fuck have you been?
367
00:15:38,800 --> 00:15:41,080
I thought you were dead
or murdered.
368
00:15:41,120 --> 00:15:42,440
I nearly
canceled the wedding.
369
00:15:42,480 --> 00:15:44,000
I know. Sorry.
370
00:15:44,040 --> 00:15:45,760
I ended up in Brighton.
371
00:15:47,640 --> 00:15:49,040
I should've called,
372
00:15:49,080 --> 00:15:50,920
but I knew you'd just
make me come back.
373
00:15:50,960 --> 00:15:54,280
You know your husband's
called Sharon maybe 40 times?
374
00:15:54,320 --> 00:15:56,360
It's fine. I spoke to him
on the way here.
375
00:15:56,400 --> 00:15:57,680
He knows
I got a head wound.
376
00:15:57,720 --> 00:15:59,480
Oh, Christ.
377
00:15:59,520 --> 00:16:00,960
Jesus.
378
00:16:01,000 --> 00:16:02,240
Oh, you need
to go home.
379
00:16:02,280 --> 00:16:04,440
But I'm
your maid of honor.
380
00:16:04,480 --> 00:16:05,920
Why don't you two go on in?
381
00:16:05,960 --> 00:16:08,680
I'll take over here.
It's okay.
382
00:16:13,600 --> 00:16:15,800
I understand the groom would
like to say something.
383
00:16:15,840 --> 00:16:17,080
Yeah.
384
00:16:22,760 --> 00:16:25,040
I never thought
it would happen this way.
385
00:16:25,080 --> 00:16:27,240
I mean, I wouldn't
have ordered this
386
00:16:27,280 --> 00:16:29,080
if it were on the menu.
387
00:16:29,120 --> 00:16:31,080
But there was no menu.
388
00:16:31,120 --> 00:16:32,640
It was like one
of those restaurants
389
00:16:32,680 --> 00:16:35,320
where the chef just decides
what you're going to eat
390
00:16:35,360 --> 00:16:37,600
and it's scary because
what if you get, like,
391
00:16:37,640 --> 00:16:40,800
a pheasant
filled with capers?
392
00:16:40,840 --> 00:16:44,560
But then he brings you
something unbelievably
delicious,
393
00:16:44,600 --> 00:16:47,600
and you realize he knows better
than you could ever know,
394
00:16:47,640 --> 00:16:50,880
and you never want to go to any
other restaurant ever again.
395
00:16:53,440 --> 00:16:55,440
Fuck menus.
396
00:16:57,920 --> 00:16:59,560
Do you have something
you'd like to add?
397
00:16:59,600 --> 00:17:01,600
Um, amen.
398
00:17:01,640 --> 00:17:04,400
I call upon these
persons here present--
399
00:17:04,440 --> 00:17:06,920
Actually, I would like
to say something,
400
00:17:06,960 --> 00:17:09,520
as maid of honor,
just now. Is it--
401
00:17:09,560 --> 00:17:10,520
Sure.
402
00:17:10,560 --> 00:17:12,120
It's actually a short song,
403
00:17:12,160 --> 00:17:15,040
but I think
it's very fitting. Ahem.
404
00:17:16,400 --> 00:17:20,120
♪ When my bonny love
405
00:17:20,160 --> 00:17:22,840
♪ Did falter
406
00:17:22,880 --> 00:17:26,720
♪ As the river laps the bank
407
00:17:26,760 --> 00:17:31,440
♪ His furtive tongue
did loosen ♪
408
00:17:31,480 --> 00:17:36,800
♪ For my love
has just become ♪
409
00:17:36,840 --> 00:17:42,280
♪ His eye did gaze
upon a place ♪
410
00:17:42,320 --> 00:17:47,160
♪ A love safe fine
yet clear ♪
411
00:17:47,200 --> 00:17:49,680
♪ I see your wheel
412
00:17:49,720 --> 00:17:52,160
♪ Turn fit, my dear
413
00:17:52,200 --> 00:17:57,240
♪ And it pleasures me
somewhere ♪
414
00:17:57,280 --> 00:18:03,720
♪ The highs and lows
where'er we go ♪
415
00:18:03,760 --> 00:18:05,240
♪ Shall--
416
00:18:05,280 --> 00:18:07,440
Sorry, just a second.
417
00:18:21,640 --> 00:18:25,040
Edwyn Collins:
♪ Don't shilly-shally
418
00:18:25,080 --> 00:18:27,960
♪ Don't shilly-shally
419
00:18:28,000 --> 00:18:31,920
♪ You got it up with the blues,
goodbye-aye-aye ♪
420
00:18:31,960 --> 00:18:34,520
Aw.
421
00:18:34,560 --> 00:18:38,360
♪ So like a record
on again now ♪
422
00:18:38,400 --> 00:18:42,160
♪ I turned the volume
up to 10 now ♪
423
00:18:42,200 --> 00:18:45,800
♪ Let's ride this train
whatever ♪
424
00:18:45,840 --> 00:18:52,120
♪ Let's ride this train
together ♪
425
00:18:52,160 --> 00:18:55,520
Remember this place?
426
00:18:55,560 --> 00:18:57,720
Yeah.
427
00:18:57,760 --> 00:18:59,960
It's not as nice as I
remember it, though.
428
00:19:00,000 --> 00:19:01,880
It's a different room.
429
00:19:01,920 --> 00:19:04,520
I tried to get our room,
but they'd had to seal it off
430
00:19:04,560 --> 00:19:06,080
because they couldn't
get our sex funk out.
431
00:19:09,480 --> 00:19:12,040
We should probably have
some sex now, don't you think?
432
00:19:14,080 --> 00:19:16,160
I--
433
00:19:16,200 --> 00:19:18,720
This is pushing down
on my fart maker,
434
00:19:18,760 --> 00:19:21,920
so I'm not sure
it's a good idea.
435
00:19:21,960 --> 00:19:23,080
Okay.
436
00:19:23,120 --> 00:19:24,400
Hey, how are your feet?
437
00:19:24,440 --> 00:19:26,000
Those shoes look painful.
438
00:19:26,040 --> 00:19:27,360
They're killing me.
439
00:19:27,400 --> 00:19:29,520
Let me rub them
a little bit.
440
00:19:29,560 --> 00:19:32,160
Mm, thank you.
441
00:19:32,200 --> 00:19:35,880
Oh, hey, Fergal was
great today, by the way.
442
00:19:35,920 --> 00:19:39,160
I guess whatever he was going
on about wasn't that bad.
443
00:19:39,200 --> 00:19:41,640
Oh, no, it was that bad.
I forgot to tell you.
444
00:19:41,680 --> 00:19:44,120
This guy from Mallandra's
work texted her
445
00:19:44,160 --> 00:19:46,360
that she looked sexy
in her new dress,
446
00:19:46,400 --> 00:19:48,520
so Fergal went round to his
house and attacked him,
447
00:19:48,560 --> 00:19:50,280
then he tried to put him
in the dress.
448
00:19:50,320 --> 00:19:52,280
Dislocated
the guy's shoulder.
449
00:19:52,320 --> 00:19:54,960
But he's decided
to drop charges now,
so they're all okay.
450
00:19:56,600 --> 00:19:58,360
Oh. Oh, good.
451
00:19:58,400 --> 00:20:00,480
I mean, that's terrifying.
452
00:20:03,880 --> 00:20:05,520
Wow.
453
00:20:05,560 --> 00:20:06,920
What?
454
00:20:06,960 --> 00:20:08,920
Your toenails
are mighty long.
455
00:20:08,960 --> 00:20:10,640
Oh, no. I'm sorry.
456
00:20:10,680 --> 00:20:12,640
Every time I try to
bend over to clip them,
457
00:20:12,680 --> 00:20:14,240
I feel like I'm going
to puke and--
458
00:20:14,280 --> 00:20:15,920
It's okay.
I'll clip them for you.
459
00:20:15,960 --> 00:20:19,800
What? No, I'll get
a pedicure tomorrow or--
460
00:20:19,840 --> 00:20:21,240
That's ridiculous.
461
00:20:21,280 --> 00:20:22,680
You're my wife,
you're pregnant,
462
00:20:22,720 --> 00:20:24,480
your toenails
are a hate crime,
463
00:20:24,520 --> 00:20:26,680
so instead of having sex
on our wedding night,
464
00:20:26,720 --> 00:20:28,240
I'm going to cut
your toenails.
465
00:20:34,160 --> 00:20:35,080
Hey.
466
00:20:49,080 --> 00:20:50,440
Can I change my mind?
467
00:20:50,480 --> 00:20:52,520
About what?
468
00:20:52,560 --> 00:20:54,720
I think we should
have some sex.
469
00:20:57,680 --> 00:20:58,800
What?
470
00:21:00,080 --> 00:21:01,280
What?
471
00:21:01,320 --> 00:21:03,800
Well, you just hesitated.
472
00:21:03,840 --> 00:21:07,000
No, it's just I have
a handful of your toenails,
473
00:21:07,040 --> 00:21:08,520
so it's not exactly foreplay.
474
00:21:08,560 --> 00:21:10,600
It was your idea.
I mean,
475
00:21:10,640 --> 00:21:13,120
if clipping my toenails
is going to turn you off,
476
00:21:13,160 --> 00:21:14,680
don't clip my toenails.
477
00:21:14,720 --> 00:21:16,200
Well, I wanted to help you.
478
00:21:16,240 --> 00:21:17,880
I mean, they were claw-like.
479
00:21:17,920 --> 00:21:19,080
They're not claw-like.
480
00:21:19,120 --> 00:21:20,360
They're claw-like and gnarly.
481
00:21:20,400 --> 00:21:22,320
You know what?
Just forget it.
482
00:21:22,360 --> 00:21:23,760
No, don't. Listen,
483
00:21:23,800 --> 00:21:25,760
I'm not saying
I don't want to.
484
00:21:25,800 --> 00:21:27,080
Jesus, I hesitated
485
00:21:27,120 --> 00:21:29,480
because I looked at
the contents of my hand,
486
00:21:29,520 --> 00:21:30,920
and then it took a second
487
00:21:30,960 --> 00:21:34,040
for me to divert the blood
from my brain to my dick.
488
00:21:34,080 --> 00:21:35,800
Now you're making me
feel shit.
489
00:21:35,840 --> 00:21:39,080
Great, like I don't
feel shit enough.
490
00:21:40,160 --> 00:21:41,920
Why are you doing that?
491
00:21:41,960 --> 00:21:44,760
Because
you hurt my feelings.
492
00:21:44,800 --> 00:21:46,640
I don't really want to look
at your face right now.
493
00:21:46,680 --> 00:21:48,960
I don't want look
at yours, either,
494
00:21:49,000 --> 00:21:51,400
because you've twisted it from
its normal beautiful state
495
00:21:51,440 --> 00:21:55,400
into a frowny little sourpuss
like you do every day.
496
00:21:55,440 --> 00:21:57,200
Like I do every day?
497
00:21:57,240 --> 00:21:59,400
What, every day of my
cursed pregnancy
498
00:21:59,440 --> 00:22:01,800
where I've got to go to the
doctor three times a week
499
00:22:01,840 --> 00:22:03,480
because I'm 41
and every possible thing
500
00:22:03,520 --> 00:22:05,160
that could have gone wrong
has gone wrong?
501
00:22:05,200 --> 00:22:08,200
I know. I've been there
every step of the way,
502
00:22:08,240 --> 00:22:10,480
and it hasn't been
a blast for me, either.
503
00:22:10,520 --> 00:22:13,440
Oh, well, why don't you go
and fuck another drunk woman
504
00:22:13,480 --> 00:22:16,320
and see if she'll have
a nicer, less complicated
pregnancy for you?
505
00:22:16,360 --> 00:22:17,880
You know, I would,
506
00:22:17,920 --> 00:22:21,280
but I've already hitched
my wagon to this horse.
507
00:22:21,320 --> 00:22:22,720
Horse?
508
00:22:22,760 --> 00:22:24,520
Horse, I don't know, donkey,
509
00:22:24,560 --> 00:22:26,000
whatever you hitch a wagon to.
510
00:22:26,040 --> 00:22:27,200
A beast of burden.
511
00:22:27,240 --> 00:22:28,360
Get out.
512
00:22:28,400 --> 00:22:30,880
You fucking get out.
You have a house.
513
00:22:30,920 --> 00:22:32,400
I'll stay here in this hotel
514
00:22:32,440 --> 00:22:34,560
that I never should have
left in the first place.
515
00:22:34,600 --> 00:22:37,000
Okay.
516
00:22:38,440 --> 00:22:40,320
Bullshit.
517
00:22:40,360 --> 00:22:42,880
Never should have left.
What's that supposed to mean?
518
00:22:42,920 --> 00:22:44,720
Wait, are you really going?
519
00:22:44,760 --> 00:22:47,560
Are you really leaving
on our wedding night?
520
00:22:47,600 --> 00:22:48,960
Are you shitting me?
521
00:22:49,000 --> 00:22:51,720
This isn't a fucking
soap opera.
522
00:22:51,760 --> 00:22:55,480
All I have ever done is try
and do the right thing.
523
00:22:55,520 --> 00:22:57,240
The right thing?
524
00:22:57,280 --> 00:22:59,480
That's what this is?
525
00:22:59,520 --> 00:23:01,440
That's what you're doing?
The right thing?
526
00:23:01,480 --> 00:23:03,800
You fucking duty-bound
Boy Scout.
527
00:23:03,840 --> 00:23:05,880
- I didn't mean--
- I don't want to be
the right thing.
528
00:23:05,920 --> 00:23:09,520
I want to be a choice. That's
why I fucking hate this.
529
00:23:09,560 --> 00:23:11,040
You are without a doubt
530
00:23:11,080 --> 00:23:13,640
the most hard-to-please
person I have ever met.
531
00:23:13,680 --> 00:23:15,720
If I showed you a rainbow,
532
00:23:15,760 --> 00:23:18,240
you'd be like, "Oh,
there's too many colors.
533
00:23:18,280 --> 00:23:20,320
"There's too many colors
on one thing.
534
00:23:20,360 --> 00:23:25,160
Yeah, well, at least
I don't sell drugs
that kill astronauts.
535
00:23:25,200 --> 00:23:27,960
I just started there,
536
00:23:28,000 --> 00:23:29,840
and they don't kill
people anymore.
537
00:23:29,880 --> 00:23:32,720
Oh, and you believe that,
you gullible American prick?
538
00:23:32,760 --> 00:23:34,360
I only took that job
because of you,
539
00:23:34,400 --> 00:23:36,240
you fucking ingrate shrew!
540
00:23:44,280 --> 00:23:46,720
Fucking Christ!
541
00:23:46,760 --> 00:23:49,440
Why the fuck did I--
542
00:23:52,120 --> 00:23:54,480
- I'm so sorry.
- My waters broke.
543
00:23:54,520 --> 00:23:56,080
My waters broke,
and it's too early.
544
00:23:56,120 --> 00:23:57,080
What?
38427
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