Original subtitles

previously and according to jim no you guys want to be in a commercial oh come

on show this is an opportunity of a lifetime there's nothing i'd love more

going on a cruise well then let's do it i'm not an actor don't worry I have

enough talent for the both of us. No. No, no, no, no, no. We need to get

a better husband.

She's got to go.

Ted, this is my husband, Jim. And Jim, this is Ted.

He plays my husband.

Oh. Some guys get pretty uptight standing around watching their wife kiss

look. Wait a minute. They're going to kiss?

Hey, handsome.

Hey. Hey.

Well, Cheryl, I've done it. What?

I've officially spit in all five of the Great Lakes and two oceans.

Oh, yeah.

It's a great story at the dinner table.

You know, really, don't tell that story at dinner. Oh, dear.

You drop the kids off at the Ocean News Club?

Yeah, they didn't even say goodbye.

Hang up a sign that says, no parents allowed, and suddenly they can't become

Vegas for kids.

You know, I missed you.

Oh, yeah?

I did.

Look at that.

Two kisses in one day.

Boy. Sure, giving them out freely, aren't you?

Ted, me.

You know, I can get goofy down here if you really feel generous.

I knew it. You're upset about me kissing Ted. I told you, I'm fine with it.

I'm fine. I'm as fine as a fine wine.

Which, by the way, tonight, easy on the wine? Oh, come on. I'm telling you.

Oh, I'm sorry to interrupt.

Yeah, but we saw you shooting the commercial today, and you and your

make a great couple.

Oh, thank you. But actually, that wasn't my husband. This is my husband.

Right here.

And she's funny, too.

Good night.

Still fine?

Okay.

Oh, baby.

Oh, hey.

What is Ted doing here? I don't know, but be nice.

I am nice.

Okay, maybe I didn't make myself clear.

Don't be an ass.

Hello,

everybody.

Hello. Lovely.

Well, hi.

Hi.

Ted's here.

Isn't that great? Yeah. That's great, isn't it? Yeah, it's great.

So, Jim, did you get a chance to take in the science while I was working?

With our wife?

Yes, I did, actually.

I went to the southernmost point of the United States, and I mooned Castro.

Well, I guess the ball's in his court now.

Wow. No chair for the Andy man, huh?

No, no, no, no. We can work this out.

Cozy. So, Ted, how did you get into the acting game? Well, I was a camp

counselor for special needs kids, and we did a midsummer night's dream.

I caught the bug.

Oh, that must have been so rewarding.

I went to camp.

Yeah, and it was this big swimming hole, right?

And I would do cannonballs that would bring birds out of the sky.

Well, we didn't have a swimming hole. Most of the kids were confined to

wheelchairs. Oh, boy, you missed out.

Hi, what will we be drinking this evening?

Oh, Jim, how about a nice bottle of Chardonnay, huh? I'll take a look at the

wine list.

I once played a snotty wine to do it in an Alton Twins movie.

I saw that. You were snotty.

Thank you very much.

Andy could work out there today.

You'll find that I'm good at a lot of things.

What do you say later we go test the stabilizers out on this ship?

Andy, I'm gay.

Oh, I didn't know.

It just happened.

What's with this technique?

You've been working all day. I haven't seen Cheryl. Now I've got to share her

with Ted. I'm sorry.

My boss insisted. I couldn't do anything about it.

Look, why don't you come by the set tomorrow? Hang on.

You got a part for me?

No. It's this bartender thing.

I can play bartender.

I can play bartender. No. Come on, Gina.

If it wasn't for me, Cheryl wouldn't be here right now. You owe me.

Let me play the bartender. Let me play the bartender. Let me play the

What?

I'll see what I can do. But you better not embarrass me.

That really hurts my feelings.

Since when do I embarrass people?

I haven't embarrassed anybody.

Hey, bread guy. Bread guy. Yeah, just throw me a roll, would you?

Ow!

Hey, Carol.

How's it going?

Oh, fine.

I'm just having a little trouble waking up.

It's taken care of. Boy!

Thank you, Dana.

As I was getting the director new underwear, I thought, how could this job

possibly get more demeaning?

Get Cheryl a coffee with skim milk. No, no, he doesn't have to do it. Actually,

I'll have one, too.

Dana. Oh, and some croissants.

Oh, chocolate for me.

Yeah,

would you warm him up?

I like this. It's like having our own little helper monkey. Yeah, he's my

Libyans? I said that without giggling.

You're the bartender?

No, I'm Esteban.

From Albania.

Is that a mustache?

You like it?

I did it myself. I don't know why, I just thought Esteban would have one.

Okay,

bartender pours two drinks.

Happy couple, smiles and toasts.

Is that a mustache?

Yes, I made it myself. I thought Esteban would have one.

Good.

I play harmonica.

Is there any way we work that in?

Harmonica?

And action.

I thought Esteban would do something like that.

I like what you're doing. Thank you.

But can you bring it down a little?

Sure, sure. How much?

To just handing them the drinks.

Sorry.

Thought you wanted it to be good.

and I'm freshly squeezed.

What does that even mean?

It's showbiz talk, Cheryl.

Ted, tell her.

That's a new one to me, Esteban.

Jim, Jim, can I talk to you for a second? I'm working here. No, no,

problem with your wardrobe.

Really? What's the matter?

You're in it and they want it back.

You firing me? Good guess.

I'm Dina.

Dina. No, no, no, no.

Dina wanted me to handle it. Besides, she already got to fire you, and I

my shot, so let's go.

Go away. I'm not going anywhere with you. No.

Make me.

I missed you very much.

Hey.

Well, hello, movie star.

Hello. Would you like to have a drink with your husband?

You know, I would. Have you seen him, Esteban?

Hey, hey, look what we have here.

It's my wife and her husband.

That's a good one, Ted.

You're everything. You're like an actor, comedian, magician.

You're a jackass of all trades, huh?

I say two.

Take the hat to your left and put it on. And when the music stops, if you don't

have a hat, you're out.

Vamonos.

Okay, here we go.

Two to the left.

It says here they're making flubber in the Oceaneers Club.

Nah, we like the latter.

Hey, Goofy's doing calisthenics poolside.

You're going to seduce me. The girls are right there.

I will keep it really quiet.

What is with you?

What? What?

You said you're okay with this Ted thing and next thing I know you're punching

him out.

I didn't punch him out. He ran into my elbow.

For God's sake.

What? Are you guys fighting?

No, honey.

Now you're confusing me because I thought we were fighting.

broken, and I think we can cover up the bruise with makeup, but my boss is not

happy. Yeah, well, to be fair, I don't think she was a happy person to begin

with. Come on, girls.

We need you on camera in a half an hour.

And Jim, I may not make it to Haiti, but I have the rest of my life to make you

pay for this week, and I'm going to start by giving you this dirty look.

That's right.

Get used to it.

didn't actually do this you're gonna actually kiss this creep yes jim

Ready for some make -out? I mean make -up. Sorry, Jim.

Me? Andy, one of the extra kids threw up. Can you get up here with the mom?

Well, it sure as hell isn't about me!

Okay, now, we're looking at each other. This is the big moment.

We've had the best vacation ever. We're holding hands.

We're in love.

Remember, we're on Disney's magical island.

Cheryl, where do you think you're going? I've got to talk to Cheryl for a

minute, Annie. Let me go. No, sorry, Jim. No can do. Fine.

Well, if you're going to make me sit out here in the sun, at least give me some

sunscreen. Here.

Let me go. All right, all right. Fine.

Cheryl.

Cheryl.

Cheryl, I do know who I married. I want you to kiss him if you have to.

Cut.

I believe this.

Jim.

ruining things. What's going on here?

Where's Cheryl?

She didn't want to do the kiss scene.

Really? She played the sister card. What could I do?

I was a good guy and I got my own way. Yes!

Where's my lovely wife? Probably looking for you.

Oh, so she didn't want to do the kiss, huh? I take that, pretty boy.

Jim, could you just leave?

Yeah, um, do I still have to... No, the cruise is still free.

Yes! This really is a magical island.

Okay, and action.

And we're leaning in for the kiss. And romance, romance, romance.

And cut.

That's a wrap.

Okay, was it me or was that kiss special?

Dana, I'm a professional. When I'm on the job... My main focus is... Drinks

later? Oh, God, yes.

Nice job.

Drinks later?

Oh, God, yes.

Hey, great work today.

Thank you.

So, uh, drinks later?

Oh, God, yes.

Hey, sis.

Thanks for the free trip. Hey, thanks for taking my crap all week. No problem.

By the way, I've been spitting in your coffee the entire cruise.

Please, I knew you'd do that, so I've been switching it with your coffee.

Damn it!

I drank my own spit!

I drank my own spit!

Hey.

Ready?

I went to the shoot trying to find you and tell you that it's okay that you

kissed him.

And I really meant it this time.

I wasn't going to lie or anything.

But you weren't there.

You didn't do it.

What? No.

Call me old -fashioned. I only want to kiss my unreasonable husband.

Okay.

New rule.

Only one husband.

Yeah, fine, but you know, Jim, you didn't have to hit Tim. Oh, it was an

accident, honey. I'm very competitive. I wanted that hat. I didn't want to get

kicked out in front of the kids.

Until last night on the ship, we really want to get into this one.

Right, you're right.

Let's save it for the plane that didn't bring a book.

You know, I do know who I'm marrying.

Yeah?

I love you.

Me too.

It's the first star. Make a wish.

Well, I don't see it. Would you just go with me on this and make a wish?

What do you wish for?

I wish that we'd be together forever and we'd always be this happy.

How about you?

What do I wish for? You know what I always wish for.