Original subtitles

Come and knock on our door. Come and knock on our door.

We've been waiting for you.

We've been waiting for you.

Where the kisses are heard and heard and kissed. We've come for you too.

Come and dance on our floor. Come and dance on our floor. Take a step that is

new. Take a step that is new.

We've a lovable face that needs your face. We've come for you too.

You'll see that life is a ball again, laughter is calling for you.

Down at our rendezvous. Down at our rendezvous. Be a company too.

Hey, you need a running starter. You'll never get off the ground.

Party, har, har, har.

Hi.

Huh.

You have a nice day?

Nice day?

Oh, I'm so mad I could just scream.

I just found out I'm up for a promotion.

Gee, that would have ticked me off, too.

Stan, there's no way I'm going to get that promotion.

Oh, come on, Terry. That is no way for you to talk.

That's right, Terry. You're bright, you're hardworking, you're experienced.

don't put out. You don't... You know I've been meaning to talk to you.

Will you stop?

What? Terry, honey, what are you talking about?

I asked this Dr.

Kenderson, my new boss.

He decides if I get the promotion or not.

What did he do?

He didn't do anything.

It's the way he looks at me.

Oh, you poor thing.

Poor thing just because a guy looked at her?

Hey, it's the way he looked at her, Jack.

A woman can tell what's on a guy's mind when he's looking at her.

If that were true, you would have thrown me out of here years ago.

Gosh. Okay, okay.

Listen, how did the guy look at you, Terry? Just like this.

Oh, the...

That's nothing. Hey, listen.

If the guy were really coming on to you, he would have looked at you like this.

Did you just behave?

Terry just had a problem, okay? Why don't you just report the guy to the

hospital administrator?

I can't do that, or he'd make fun of me just the way you did.

Men. And then if we'll get back to Dr. Henderson, I'd lose my promotion and my

job. Gee, Terry, I don't know what to tell you.

I got it. Just tell Dr. Kenderson that you're married.

Married? You want her to lie?

You want her to put out?

Come on, Terry, it's just a little white lie.

Forget it, Jack. I'm no good at telling lies. Even if push comes to shove? Jack,

you heard her. She hates to lie. Oh, really? Terry, how many times have you

a patient that the needle wouldn't hurt?

Yeah. Or that the medicine wouldn't taste bad. Well, that was... Or that the

bedpan wasn't cold. No.

I wrecked my case.

There we are, Mr. Jones. It's all motiled. You won't have to come

back here anymore.

Dr. Kennedy! Ah, Terry, there you are. I've been trying to get a hold of you

day. I know.

I mean, I'm with the patient now, Dr.

Kendrickson. Uh -huh.

Not so fast. I'm not through with you yet. Well, I can wait.

Oh.

Well, this could take a long time, doctor. You see, I'm very, very

don't understand, nurse. You said it's almost all... Open up.

Terry, what are you doing for dinner tonight?

I'm married.

Married? How come you never told me that before?

Push came to shove.

What? Oh, it's just an expression that my husband uses.

Oh, is your husband in medicine?

No, he's in, uh, uh, food.

He's a chef.

Well, that's wonderful. My wife is an amateur chef herself.

Your wife?

Oh, yes, I've been happily married for 15 years.

Oh! Oh, what a relief!

What? I mean, uh, how nice.

Well, listen, I was going to invite you to dinner tonight, but now I can invite

you and your husband.

My husband?

Oh, yes, my wife would jump at the chance of cooking for a real chef.

Oh, well, uh, that sounds like a lot of, you know, fun. Oh, but we just can't,

no. Why not?

Why not?

Well, uh, we have house guests.

Oh. Yes, it's their last night in town, and they want to spend it with us. You

understand. Well, bring them along, then.

They don't speak English.

Good, then I can't complain about the food.

Is it a date? No, no.

It's not a date because... Did I mention to you that my husband hurt his ankle

and just can't leave the house?

No, no, you didn't. Oh, yes, very bad. He can hardly walk, the poor thing.

Oh, it's too bad. My wife was going to cook up a really gourmet Chinese feast.

She was making her specialty, stuffed chicken wings.

Stuffed chicken wings?

Oh... Darn, they're my favorites.

Really? Oh, yes, goodness. I'm just going to be heartbroken that I have to

those. Darn.

Well, maybe some other time. Oh, sure. Listen, Doctor, thank you so much for

being here.

Oh.

You're normal.

Sorry, I can't say the same for you.

I was thinking you seemed so disappointed about dinner tonight that

worry about me, Noah. No, no, no. I said to myself, why not bring dinner to your

house? Oh, no.

No. No, no, no. No trouble. My wife would love to do it. And besides, it'll

us a chance to talk about your promotion.

Is 8 o 'clock too early?

8 o 'clock?

Terrific. We'll see you then.

Oh, my God.

Janet, you missed me.

Just listen.

Terry called. She sounded like she was in big trouble.

Terry, oh, no. Are you all right? I'm fine. This is for Jack.

What for?

So you can practice your limp.

Why do I have to limp? I told my boss that you broke your ankle. I have to

change my clothes.

His wife?

Her chicken wings?

She's cooking a festive gourmet dinner to impress my husband.

Husband? Well, if you're married, you have to have a husband, don't you? Wait

minute, Terry.

Terry, where are you going to find a... Oh, no.

You're a jack with a bad ankle. Me?

Yeah, you.

It's your little white lie, isn't it? No, wait, wait, wait a minute. I've got

see Sue Ann later on tonight.

Okay, you can hobble on over there after dinner.

Right now, Terry needs help.

Thanks, Janet, I...

What?

I told him you and your husband are staying with us and can't speak a word

English. I created a monster.

Terry, I can't. Oh, please, we're going to talk about my promotion. No, I can't.

Terry needs your help.

Okay, fine.

Where am I going to get a husband?

You know, I've been wondering that for years.

What happened, Jack? Her big brother show up?

What do you want, Larry? What do I want?

Terry invited me for a Chinese dinner.

Oh, no.

Janet!

Meet your husband. I want a divorce.

You got it.

Terry Voth is coming over for dinner tonight, and he's expecting to meet

who can't speak English.

Hey, hey, hey, just because I didn't go to college. Relax.

He doesn't speak English either. Look, Larry, I don't like the idea any better

than you do, but Terry needs our help. So what country are we going to be from?

I'm not sure what planet you're from.

Come on, we've got to pick a country.

We? Good idea. We'll be French.

But I don't speak French.

Neither do I, Larry. But what difference does it make? We'll just fake it. They

will never know the difference.

Oh, you just sit down. Okay, okay, come on.

Hi, Terry.

This is my wife, Gail. Hello. How do you do? And this is my husband. How do you

do? How do you do, Mr. Alden? Who?

Jack. Call me Jack.

Well, Jack, how's the ankle coming along?

Fine, fine.

Come along with me wherever I go.

Won't you please come in and meet our dear, dear friends from France who can't

speak a word of English.

Pierre and...

Fifi.

Fifi? Yes, Pierre and Fifi Fofum.

Like a native.

Go ahead, dear, say something.

Depuis combien de temps êtes -vous ici?

Well, we don't want the food to get cold, do we? Here.

Let me go into the kitchen.

Let me go in the kitchen and put the food away, shall we?

don't speak a word of French.

Well,

we'll just let these heat for about half an hour. You can't go out there. Why

not? Not until you've told me how you got interested in Chinese cooking.

Oh, well, my husband's away at the hospital. a lot, so I've been taking

class. Keeps me out of mischief.

So, uh, how long have you and Terry been married?

Uh, not too long.

Isn't that nice? You know, I remember when Malcolm and I were first married,

was so attentive.

Well, we better get back in there. No, I didn't get a good look at your legs.

What?

Your chicken legs.

Wing a wound of cowl.

Kitchen fun, huh?

Aren't we having some fun? You know, for a minute there, I thought you were

flirting with me. Flirting? No, no, I'm married.

Well,

then let's get back to your friend so I can practice my friend.

Hang on.

I'd like to show you something tremendously meaningful to me.

My refrigerator.

It's right over here.

Sorry, did I get you?

What's the problem with this? Look at this. This is amazing.

You open the door.

The light comes on. You close it.

The light goes off.

But how can you be sure? Let's take a look at that again, shall we?

Tell me something. If they don't speak English and you don't speak French, how

do you understand each other?

It's amazing.

They're so quiet. Don't they ever talk to each other?

Fifi, je t 'adore.

Encore. Encore.

C 'est si bon. C 'est si bon.

a lot like English.

It did, didn't it? But, uh, really what they were really saying was, uh, that

they want to go to bed.

Bed at this hour?

Oh, I certainly did. I don't understand a word they're saying.

Don't talk! Did I say something wrong?

Yeah, your face, it's so flushed.

Flushed? Yes.

Oh, boy, oh, boy, you sure have a fever. Have you forgotten I'm a doctor?

Uh, yeah, as a matter of fact, that's good.

Jack is right.

I am?

Yes, you are a bit feverish.

Maybe. Maybe she'd like to go lie down in our bedroom.

But really, I don't feel... Yes, you do. Yes, you do. Good idea, Terry. Why

don't we go into the bedroom, and you just take a little rest. Jack, your

It's a miracle!

Doctor said it would heal in one week, and looky there, time's up.

Now, listen, why don't you just lie down on the bed?

flirting with me again.

Huh? No, no, no, I just want... I know what you want.

Just because I'm an attractive woman. Oh, believe me. And I'm left alone night

after lonely night. You think you can take advantage of me? No, no. Just

you're young and so good -looking.

Mr. Henderson.

Call me Gail. Gail?

Yes, and I want you to know that I am not that kind of woman. I know, I know.

No, you don't.

Stop.

do? You know, I think you'll feel better if you just take a rest here under bed.

Never!

It's all over between us.

Over? Now I've got to tell my husband what I've done and beg his forgiveness.

No, no, no, no, no, no. You can't do that.

You're right.

This is bigger than both of us. What is?

Now then, let's talk about your promotion.

I'd love to.

is. He's in his bedroom. That's all I want to know. No, you can't.

Will you please get out of my way? Now listen, I don't like using force on a

woman.

That's why.

Excusez -moi.

Who are you?

Gail.

Where's Jack?

Hard to guess, but I'm patient.

Jack, what's going on between you and this woman?

Uh, nothing.

But I'm running out of places to hide.

Who are you?

I happen to be Jack's date.

Your wife lets you date?

Your wife? I can explain.

Oh, yeah?

Just as soon as I catch my breath.

Date? Mrs. Henderson, Gail, uh, sit down.

You know, I think it's time you learned the truth about me and Terry.

I'm listening.

Have you ever heard of a loveless marriage?

Oh, poor boy.

Well, we have a couple of minutes before dinner's ready, so, uh, let's talk

about your promotion, huh? I'd like that, but before you say anything, I

tell you something.

I've misjudged you.

You have?

Yeah, so badly, in fact, that I don't think I even deserve that promotion.

Oh, nonsense.

You have all the qualifications, you're intelligent, experienced. But I

thought... Oh, you have a good personality, a pretty face, and a

That's really nice of you to say, Doctor, but I... Terrific what?

Body. You look just as good going as you do coming.

Dr. Kenderson!

Oh, don't look so shocked.

I know you want the promotion, and, uh...

You know what I want.

Well, I didn't misjudge you at all. You are a lech.

What's so funny?

Well, you're just doing that for her benefit.

Why bother? She can't understand a word I'm saying.

I mean, I can say how much I can't wait to get it on with you.

And she thinks we're talking about the weather, right?

Is wrong a French word?

Why don't you ask me, Dr.

Strangelove? Oh, my gosh. You better believe I do.

Well, I... I hope you realize I didn't mean... It was just a joke.

One of the requirements of this job is a sense of humor. So I felt that... Don't

worry, Doctor.

She won't say anything about what we just heard.

Will you, Fifi?

Well, now, that depends.

Oh, wait.

What was... You two were just now talking about, oh, Terry's promotion,

What's to talk about? I see no reason why I shouldn't give her the promotion

right now.

Terry,

would you step over here, please?

Uh -oh.

What's wrong?

There's nothing to be afraid of, dear. Go ahead, Jack.

Gee, I don't think... Jack, I insist.

Well, okay.

Now, now, dear.

Jack has waited long enough.

Can you imagine? They have been married for a year and they haven't even started

their honeymoon.

And it's all her fault.

What?

It's all right, dear. It's all right. Jack told me everything.

It just kind of tumbled out.

Now, don't you feel better?

Much better.

You know, you're a very lucky girl to have a man as understanding as Jack for

husband. Oh, my goodness, our dinner.

Malcolm, help me. Oh, yes, darling.

All right, Jack.

What was that all about?

Well, Terry, you know, when Sue Ann showed up, I had to find a way to

her, you know, so you get your promotion, don't you know? Jack, she

promotion. You did?

Congratulations!

Jack, please.

Oh, Janet, I didn't mean to neglect you. Come here. Oh,

my God.

Yeah.

Guy, run, Guy.

Hey. What? Wait a minute, Terry. I've hardly seen you the last couple of days.

Tell me, how's that new job of yours coming?

All right, I guess.

That doesn't sound too good.

It's Dr.

Henderson's new assistant.

He thinks just because he's tall and good -looking, he's God's gift to women.

Has he been bothering you? Has he ever?

Well, you know what I would do if I were you? Jack, she doesn't need any more

advice from you.

You know what I would do if I were you, Terry? What? I'd just have a little talk

with him. I'd try that, but it didn't work.

Well, maybe you weren't strong enough.

Oh, I came on real strong, but he still won't ask me out.

Three's company was videotaped in front of a studio audience.