All language subtitles for Watching s05e04 Wining.eng

It was boredom at first sight.

You could hardly call him right.

He is no one's Mr.

Right. So what do I say now?

But then I'm not so ideal.

I'm not gentle or genteel. So the
question should be what does he...

Still asleep?

No, I always eat breakfast with me eyes
closed.

Bernard's still asleep.

I suppose it is him.

Not with them old tramp who wandered in
looking for the best of the night.

It's him.

Your old tramp wouldn't have had a key,
would he?

Thing is, what are we going to do now?

Peppa said we should change the locks.

It's not that simple. It's as much his
place as it is hers.

Oh, she said he'd fall for it. It was
right when he ran off with the choir,

mistress. Mind he didn't say which
rights.

I best dream it.

Oh, no.

Please don't.

Hiya.

Oh, hi.

Brenda.

Bernard. And this is Malcolm.

We've met.

Look, Uncle Bernard, we've got to sort
things out. Please don't call me Uncle

Malcolm. I wasn't going to. Poor Uncle
Bernard.

Well, now, that's very good.

Do you know, you amaze me. I do.

I never thought you'd land one like
this, if you don't mind me saying so.

I do.

You make me sound like a ten -pound cod.

Oh, sorry.

What weight are you?

Look, we're going to have to decide what
to do. Why?

Well, it's obvious. You and Peggy won't
want us staying here.

Well, don't tell her.

Any tea?

But if you're back to stay, I mean...
But I'm not. I've just popped in for a

change of underwear.

Well, after two months.

Well, choir mistresses are very faddy.

Come on, what's happened?

I want to tell you the truth. I've come
to my senses.

I'm really getting a bit too old for
running round after Rob.

Anyway, it wasn't being fair to Peggy.

No, no, I've seen the error of me ways.

Mind you, she was a nice young thing.

Young? Forty -six.

Poor child.

But I thought I'd best come back
because... She's thrown you out. She's

me out.

Is there any toast?

No, I'll be going.

I'm calling at my mum's lunchtime. I'll
have a word with Peggy then.

Oh, no, no, don't do that, Malcolm,
please.

Oh, well, look, why spoil it for
everybody?

I mean, you two can stay on it. I
wouldn't get in the way.

You'd hardly know I was around.

In fact, I could help about the place.

Except I'm no good at ironing.

That's OK.

Neither am I.

Oh, well, you're all right, aren't you,
Mother? Hold on a minute. Look, it

wouldn't be indefinitely just for the
foreseeable.

You see, the thing is, the longer Peggy
is stuck with your mother, the more

amenable she'll be when I reappear.

So what do you say for the moment?

Mum's away.

I thought we'd have gifts on Saturday
instead of a starter.

Fine.

What was that green gooey stuff we had
at the Howard's?

Guacamole. Right.

Here we are.

Guacamole with buckets of mixed crud
ice.

What?

Bouquets of mixed crudity. Oh!

And for main course, I thought Bilbo
squid with tequila and lime.

Will you go to Daly's for me? What for?

The squid, you can't get it round here.

I can't go traipsing round town with a
briefcase full of squid.

Your friend?

I mean, do you want to impress Nicholas?

What's this girlfriend called?

Lucinda. Look, it's not just that. We
owe Brian and Pauline a meal. And I

Why not ask Brenda?

If she's coming over, she can pick up
the squid.

Oh, I see.

For a minute there, I thought that you
were suggesting that she and Malcolm

for dinner on Saturday.

For Brenda with Nicholas.

What's funny?

Nothing.

Our Brenda's changing. She's growing up.

And with Malcolm having his own
business, she's coming round to

there's more to life than lounging round
all day, watching telly, playing cards

and drinking.

15 -2, 15 -4 and a pair. And in the
box... Oh, five

for a run.

Three. Sorry.

Thought you said you'd never played this
game before.

I haven't, but I've met players like you
before.

Right.

How long did your Pamela been married,
then? Just a year. It was a rush job.

Has she always been on the up?

Just about.

Pretentious Pam, the poser I used to
call her, until... Until?

Until she found out and broke me
collarbone.

A bit of a heavy, is she?

Nah. She's just a big softie, really.
Doesn't realise her own strength.

Well, I say big softie.

Really, I mean sort of gigantic.

Right, that's 15 -2, 15 -4, and a pair.

Yeah, my deal. Hold on. And in the box,
15 -2, three for a run, and one for his

knob. I win.

Are you sure?

It's 14 pence you owe me, and no, I
don't want another game.

Oh, well, fair enough.

What do you usually have for lunch?
Breakfast.

Oh, right.

But I had it early this morning.

Malcolm insisted.

Said he didn't want to leave me in the
house with a strange man.

Strange? Me?

Maybe he meant odd.

Hello?

Hiya.

I was talking to the telly. It was a
game show, Odds or Evens.

No, I haven't forgotten. Wes Kirby at
one.

You've got to be joking.

All right, then. I'll see you later.

Ta -ra.

She wants me to call in at the fish
market and pick up a squid.

Well, don't forget to paint the little
red dots on it.

What? Measles.

Do you owe her any money?

Yeah, a fiver. Oh, do you know? Our
sisters always owe each other money.

You want to borrow another pound from
her, then when you give her the fish,

can say, here's that six quid I owe you.

Terrible. Where did you get that from?

Sir Dandy, that's for Dan 1948.

I see. Well, never mind.

Some other time, perhaps.

Now, don't worry. I understand.

If Bennet's sick, the place for you to
be is by his side.

As you say, you wouldn't be able to
relax stuck over here, chattering on

inconsequentials.

No, Corleen, don't you give it another
thought.

I'll call you next week to see how he
is. Bye now.

Stupid cow!

Hello,

David Lynch.

They've cried off.

Selfish bitch.

I mean, it's tomorrow night.

So inconsiderate. And you should have
heard what she had to say about your

conversation. I'm listening to her.

All she ever talks about is bloody horse
riding and macrame. And it's not as if

she's any good at either.

You've seen that thing hanging up in
their porch.

Looks like an egg box in a friend's
vest. Please calm down.

Now, what's happened?

Pauline rang. They can't come tomorrow.

Well, don't get upset.

I mean, there must have been a reason.

Oh, there's a reason. All right.

Ben...

Stupid Mandarin Pekingese.

Oh, right.

Well, it is a pedigree. Don't you dare
side with them when I'm being

I'm sorry.

Well, we'll just have to have a
foursome. But it won't be a proper

then. Normally recipes are for six.

And the place matters.

We need another couple.

At one day's notice, Pamela, be
reasonable. I mean, it's so obvious.

engaged.

Wondered if you and Brenda would like to
come here on Saturday night evening for

the evening to eat. For a meal.

It's all due to a misunderstanding in
that I thought David had asked you and

David thought I'd asked you.

Oh, there'll be another couple called
Nicholas and something else. And it

be a pleasant evening.

Bye. Oh, it's Pamela here.

Terrible joke.

And anyway, it was ten quid you borrowed
off me the last time, so it's eleven

you owe me now.

It was pretty awful, wasn't it?

Where'd you get it from?

Bernard. Bernard?

Did I say Bernard?

I meant Bernard Matthews.

Originally it was a sick turkey, but the
joke didn't work so well.

So, Brenda, will you come then,
Saturday?

Nicholas is very interesting.

It's very modernised as old pubs. You
know, the sort of thing. Gets rid of the

spit and sawdust image.

Put the neon lighting and genuine
plastic beams.

Between you and me, David's hoping to
handle his account.

Well, so long as they don't frighten the
horses.

So you're all right for Saturday, then?

Saturday? Tomorrow, dinner at our place.

Oh, yeah.

But, er, just tell us something, Pam.

What? Who cried off?

I've been saving the Santa million for
tonight.

Seems a bit of a waste now.

What do you mean?

Nothing.

I suppose I could serve from two
bottles.

Will you do something useful? Go and
tidy the living room?

What's the panic? Nobody's going to be
here before eight. Go!

Nicholas isn't just a friend, you know.

He's a potential client.

This could prove a very expensive
evening.

Very expensive.

David, shut up! They're coming and
that's the end of it.

Yeah, probably will be. The end of my
business.

Oh, no, what time did you tell them? I
didn't. Go and answer it.

Please, God, let it be Jehovah
Witnesses.

Hi there, come in.

Going to bed?

Just tidy it.

Are we early?

Of course not.

They are.

Bulgarian. Oh, right. Well, they make
some pretty good stuff.

Yes, well, it could turn out to be a
very good year.

1990.

The other's not here yet, then?

No, not yet. Perhaps in a couple of
hours.

So we are early? Not at all, no. We just
need to tidy round a bit. Then maybe

you could hold the fort while Pam and I
go upstairs to change and shower.

Oh, I'll give you a hand.

Thanks.

Oh, I was always really good at this
one.

You haven't lost your touch.

Oh, no, I mean babysitting here with
Brenda. Used to do it with me eyes shut.

I don't blame you.

I took my shooting socks off, did it
with my eyes shut and my hands in my

pockets.

Pardon?

No, I've got a very sensitive left foot.

Do you want it a bit lighter?

Oh, no, everything's going according to
plan.

So far.

Brenda, please, not the asparagus.

Each posy is balanced.

They're to dip with.

That's anchovy and pea, that's the herb
dip, and you'll just love this

guacamole. Stop it!

I used sun -dried tomatoes and a bit of
cayenne pepper and just a smidgen of

Tabasco.

If you want to help, you could blanch
the mange, too.

Mange, too?

Blanch them? Yes.

Well, if you just point them out, I'll
tell them a ghost story.

They need topping and tailing and
stringing. They're one minute in boiling

and run under the cold tap.

I'll just put the lemon on the filibub.

I don't understand you, Pamela.

Why don't they just stick to the old
-fashioned meals like our mother used to

defrost?

How many's that?

Four. Brilliant.

Oi, Pam, I'm starving. Can't we start
dicking?

Come on, let's all have a little wiggle
in your guacamole.

They'll be here any minute.

Would anybody like a sherry?

Haven't you got anything to drink?

What about you, darling?

Shh, he's concentrating.

Pamela. Tio Pepe, please.

Malcolm.

Don't disturb him. He'll end up with a
star -shaped round and a square orifice.

Oh, sorry, I thought you were Brenda.

Please behave.

Yes, Malcolm, behave.

You can have it back later.

Hello,

Nicholas. Hi, Pansy.

Meet Linda.

Hi. Hello.

This is Brenda.

Hi, I'm Pansy's sister.

I'm Malcolm.

All right.

Hello. Hello, Malcolm.

We were just about to share it. Yes,
what will it be?

I prefer a G &P, if possible. Large one,
if you like. Luke's lost the top

tonight. I'm driving.

An orange juice, please.

Right. Well, please take a seat.

I say, we're not late, are we? Oh, no,
no, of course not.

We'll eat and say another.

20 minutes.

Just think of it as an early breakfast.

So I said to this yobbo with the
placard, the farmers round here can't

have their crops ruined by hares, you
know.

So what happened?

Well, they're caught and relieved one at
a time.

To be chased by two slobbering
greyhounds.

The farmers?

The hares.

You call that sport?

Absolutely.

Obviously the excitement of the chase is
not something you'd be familiar with,

dear. I'm not a dear.

anyone? The countryside has its
traditions. These things go back a long

Coffee? Oh, now I know why you two were
late. Got caught up in the traffic

coming back from the bear baiting, did
you?

Anybody like a Drambuie?

Please don't include me. The Waterloo
isn't my cup of tea.

Oh, Waterloo cup, very good.

Yes, well, if you haven't actually been
there, you're in no position to comment.

Well, I've never been to a public
flogging, but I'd still object.

Unless it was you.

Can we talk about something else? Well,
actually, I'd say flogging was too good

for some of the oiks at the Waterloo
this year.

Oh, well, at least we agree on
something, eh?

I meant... Do you know anyone to see
Home and Away yesterday?

I don't watch football.

So, Australian soup often?

Yucky. I'm afraid I don't get in in
time.

Lucky you.

Well, I don't usually watch it. I just
happened to see a snatch yesterday.

As I was changing channels, looking for
the news...

Anyway, there was this chap, the image
of Bobby.

Bobby? From Dallas.

Maybe I only watch wildlife programmes.

They're my favourite.

Actually, I don't watch any television
at all, really.

Nor me.

Well, hardly any.

I like Tomorrow's World.

Well, there are some quite good
documentaries.

And drama.

Maybe, but it can be an awful waste of
time.

Even when one's sat through some
terribly confusing plaything, one still

wait for tomorrow's telegraph to find
out if one enjoyed it or not.

What'll give one hand with one's dishes
if one wants?

I don't suppose you happen to have a
drop of the old five -star, do you,

Certainly, Nicholas. Come through here.

The disaster.

Well, the squid was a bit rubbery, but
apart from that, everything was fine.

I don't mean the meal. All that arguing.

It was supposed to be a nice, friendly
dinner party. Instead, it turned out

the House of Commons.

Well, it wasn't that bad.

Anyway, what else can you expect if you
can invite Greenpeace to nosh with the

Third Reich?

You didn't have to argue.

David was right.

About what?

Nothing. Didn't want us to come, eh?

No, yes. Well, he didn't think it'd be a
good combination.

Didn't think the likes of them would mix
with the likes of us.

Well, he's right.

Those kind of people are exactly the
kind Malcolm and me can't stand.

So you've your own car business?

Motorbikes, actually. I specialise in
vintage machines.

You must be very talented.

Oh, it's just a knack.

You know Nicholas Long?

Too long.

Oh. He lives nearby. We're occasional
partners.

Oh. He drinks too much when I'm driving.
Just hope we get home OK.

What? You don't mean you'll try when
you're driving in a car? No, no.

It's just that I've got this problem.

It's just a little thing, but it's
unpredictable.

Do you want to talk about it?

Why not?

I'm sure you'll understand.

I'll try.

Well, suddenly, for no apparent reason,
I just lose all power.

I see.

Normally, you're psychic, are you?

You know, you've got the force, the
power, psychotransmission.

I'm not sure.

It's a citron.

What?

My car.

Two CVs.

See, it suddenly just cuts out. I stop,
wait a minute, turn the key, and she's

away again.

It's a bit scary.

Well, it would be, yeah.

Have you not taken her back to the
garage?

Twice. Each time they said they'd fixed
it, but after a few weeks it's happened

again.

Well, these occasional faults are
usually the most difficult to trade.

So it seems.

You wouldn't care to take a look, would
you?

Me? Well, oddly enough, the 2CV engine
is an opposed four -stroke twin.

I thought it might be.

Like a motorbike engine.

Right.

So, would you?

You mean now?

Well, not if it might upset... No, no, I
suppose I could have a quick look.

Yeah.

Malcolm's going to take a look at my
car.

Now? We want to be sure it'll get us
home later.

Do we?

Spoilsport.

He's very practical.

Is he?

Handy to know, types like that.

Can turn his hand to anything.

Genuine artisan, eh?

All too easily taken advantage of,
though, I'm afraid.

Well, I'm not sure that we do that. I
was thinking of the wee cranky.

Pardon? The Queen of Animal Lib next
door.

If I had my way with that girl... She'd
have to be drugged first.

Can I get you something?

Only if it's long, sharp and pointed.

A drink.

No, sir. I think we'll be on our way.
Where's Malcolm?

No, nothing.

Pardon?

No sign.

Switch off the engine.

Start her up again when I say.

Pardon?

Switch her off.

Start her up again.

Are you all right?

It's the jolt. That's touching the HP
lead.

Let me see. Can you do this?

It seems OK.

It was this hand.

You live.

Sure. Positive.

I'm a nurse.

Oh. I thought you knew about bands and
things.

Just a knack.

Shall I bring it round to your workshop?

Please, yes.

Let's get back.

Yes.

The worst type.

Needs occasional thought.

So you said.

Do you have any?

What?

Occasional thought.

One or two.

We had to drive round to warm the engine
up. Oh, yes, great.

Left me sitting there like one of the
guests of the Addams family.

She's your sister.

Yeah. Where did my mother go wrong?

And that Nicholas would like to vivisect
him from his green wellies with his

legs still in them.

She was all right.

Oh, was she? Well, pleasant.

Ovaltine? Yeah.

Care to make that three?

I thought you'd be in bed.

Oh, well, I just dozed off on the
settee.

Good time?

Well, halfway between bad and disaster.

How was the thick squid?

Bit like your joke. Should have been
buried at sea.

Oh, Malcolm, there's a call for you.

Belinda? Said she couldn't make
Wednesday with Friday be all right.

Oh, er, right.

Oh, wrong.

Who's Belinda?

Lucinda. I must have said I'll have a
look at her car.

Oh, must you?

Sorry, have I said something I
shouldn't? No, no, of course not, no,

just a girl, a woman who's in trouble.
I've got trouble with her, er... Well,

it puts out occasionally.

I had a go tonight, but I just got a
shock.

Nothing happened.

Don't worry, I trust you.

Just don't be taken in.

People like her will use you if you let
them. And make sure she pays you well.

Oh, yeah, of course, yeah.

And don't get used.

Oh, Mark, put the milk bottles out, will
you?

Oh, Mark, bring me over and clean up,
will you?

And mine.

Have I fallen in his spell?

Does he drown me in Chanel?

Is he vibrant?

Is he out? So what do I see in him?

Am I dazzled by style?

Has he made my life worthwhile?

Does he melt me with his smile?

Don't make me laugh.

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