All language subtitles for The.Goldbergs.2013.S03E09.1080p.WEB.h264-NOMA_track3_[eng]

ADULT ADAM:
Back in the '80s,

we all wanted to be
a badass fighter pilot

thanks to the
cinematic masterpiece
that was 'Top Gun,'

and no one loved it
more than my big bro.

You're handsome
and clear for takeoff.

Yeah, he was a real Maverick.

His fighter jet
was our beat-up
station wagon,

and his co-pilot,
my annoyed sister.

Dear God,
you have been flipping
knobs for five minutes!

Just go already.

We ain't going anywhere

till tower clears us
for takeoff.

You're clear.

(ENGINE TURNS OVER)

(TIRES SCREECH)
ADULT ADAM: But as
fate would have it,

my brother's
high-flying dreams

were about
to become a reality.

(GASPS) Great
Goose's ghost.

Today, our lives
change forever, boys.

Behold.

Junior ROTC.

That's like pre-pre-
military training.

Dude, I think they give you
free camo when you sign up.

Sweet. Now I can hide
from my mean cousin

when we visit
my uncle's farm.

(CLEARS THROAT)

Morning, gentlemen.

Interested in joining up
with Junior ROTC?

I need able-bodied leaders
with fire in their bellies

looking to make
a difference.

That's so weird.

I'm an able-bodied person
with a fiery belly

who's ready to fly your jets
and push your envelopes

and play shirtless
beach volleyball.

What?
It's proven to be
a nice diversion

from the pressures
of flight school.

What's your
name, son?

Barry Norman Goldberg,
nickname not yet decided.

You will be amazed
by our strength
and determination, sir!

(BELL RINGS)
(SIGHS)

I've got English
on the third floor.

So many stairs.

Naked Rob,
piggyback.

You got it, bro.
Never leave
a man behind.

(GRUNTS)

* I'm twisted up inside

* But nonetheless,
I feel the need to say

* I don't know the future

* But the past keeps getting
clearer every day *

ADULT ADAM:
It was November 22,
1980-something,

and I was spending the day
with my loyal best bud, Pops.

Your mom was nuts
to take away my license.

Look at me go!

(ENGINE REVS)

ADULT ADAM: Despite his age,
my grandpa was the
youngest dude I knew.

Winner!
Balls!

You want to go hustle
some suckers at air hockey?

I'm old with a wallet
full of cash.

How do I play
this ice ping-pong?

(LAUGHS)
After we hustled some kids
in air hockey,

Pops set his sights
on our next target.

Whoa, whoa.
Look at this.

Free movie tickets.

What do you say we play
a couple more chumps?

Mom says to be weary
of timeshare people.

They're the
gypsies of the mall.

All we got to d
o is listen to them
jabber for a half-hour

and then see
Mad Max Thunderdome
on their dime.

Sign me up.

(CHUCKLES)

Howdy, folks.
And welcome.

I'm John Calabasas,

the president and CEO
of John Calabasas'
timeshares.

Thank you very much.
That's very kind.

Oh, stop.
Thank you so much.

Folks, who would like to live
in the condo of their dreams?

For two months
out of the year.

I'm talking about
timeshares, y'all.

Question.
Yes, sir.

If we decide
not to buy today,

do we still get
the movie tickets?

That's the deal, but I can
promise you this, sir,

at the end of today,

you're not gonna be thinking
about movie tickets.

You're gonna be
thinking about

Boca Sands
Resort and Tennis Club.

I'm intrigued about
this exciting opportunity.

Movie tickets
all locked up.

ADULT ADAM:
So began an epic speech

designed to pull in
old suckers.

Lucky for me,
Pops was young at heart.

Complete with sauna
and recently disinfected
steam room.

The best
overly air-conditioned
chain restaurants

that open for dinner
at 3:00 PM.

Not only
is it sunny year-round
in our community,

the women outnumber
the gentlemen three to one.

Sold!

Oh, my God.

Pops actually bought
a place in Florida?

Right?
It's a nightmare.

Hello? We're gonna have
our own beach condo.

Think of all the
spring breaks,

the Latin guys,

the romantic
walks on the beach
with the Latin guys.

Why do I come to you?

You need to chill.
It's a timeshare.

He'll be gone
two months a year.

Everyone knows a timeshare
is a gateway property.

Two months becomes six.

Six become a year.

And a year turns
into forever.

So? Pops is old,
and that's what all
old people do.

Stop saying that.
Pops isn't old.

He's 80.

Who cares? I measure
age in spirit.

Well, I measure age
by when you were born.

And for Pops,
that's 1903.

Holy crap.
Seriously?
Oh, yeah.

Shut up!
Everyone, shut up!

I got Barry news.

Everybody stop talking.

What is it,
snuggle monster?

I joined
the military.

Boom!
What's that now?

Good stuff.
What branch?

The one with the
planes and boats.

You're welcome,
America.

I just need you to sign
this permission slip.

Absolutely not.

Being a soldier
is number one

on my list of jobs
too dangerous
for my children.

List?
What list?

Oh, God.
Not the list.

I knew one day
my kids would
join the workforce,

so like a good mother,
I compiled a list
of occupations

that are strictly
off-limits.

Why can't I be
a construction worker?

Eating lunch on a
suspended beam

with your legs
dangling down?

No way.
No pro sports?

Except golf,
but you can't
drive around

in one of those buggies
with no seat belt.

Astronaut?
Your sensitive
tummy at zero g?

Deli guy.
Meat slicer.

Government clerk.
Paper cut.

Robot technician.
Robot uprising.

This is nuts.
Pops was in the army.

And he is a hero.
Couldn't be prouder of him.

But I want
to be a hero.

And you can be...

As an orthodontist
or a maitre d'

or as one of those guys
who tests pillows
for softness.

ADULT ADAM: Yep.
All hope was lost.

I'll sign it.

And then found.

Really?
I did ROTC.

It changed my life.

And I fully support this
as long as your mother
never finds out.

And one more thing.
If you do this,
there's no quitting.

I mean it.
10-4, good buddy.

That's trucker talk.

Aye-aye, matey.

That's pirate.

Hmm.

ADULT ADAM: While Barry
was committed to the army,

I was committed
to showing Pops

just how young he was.

ADAM: There he is,
rockin' the new duds.

You dig 'em,
homey?

They're roomy
where I need them,

but kind of drafty
where I don't.

Perfect! Let's go
hit the town

and live it up while
we're still young.

What the...

How did your Zubaz
get so high?

They ride up.
I don't know.

They have a mind
of their own.

Now all you can see
is 'Frankie says'.

No one will know to relax.

Who is this Frankie,
and why does he
want me to relax?

All you need to know
is you look half your age
in those Zubaz pants.

Way too young
for Florida.

Oh, so that's what
this is about.

Kiddo, it's just
two months.

Two months
in middle-school years
is like a decade.

Come on, pal.

Pops says relax.

Don't you use that
catchphrase against me!

I will not relax!

Where you going?

To my other grandpa,
the one who'd never leave me.

Pop Pop?

You really want
to replace me

with that spiteful
old bastard?

Already done.
Have fun in Florida.

I'll be
living it up here
with Pop Pop

having crazy
amounts of fun.

This is fun.

So much fun.

Shh. I'm reading
the stocks.

(PLASTIC SQUEAKING)
ADULT ADAM: Yep.
This was my grandfather Ben.

He was the anti-Pops
who could never catch a break.

Damn IBM! I should
have invested.

I'd be a millionaire.

Instead, I lost it
all on Cigaroos.

What's that?
Cigarettes for kids.

Yeah.

They had
a spokesbunny.

Isn't that adorable?
It was a slam dunk!

ADULT ADAM: As I was
bonding with Pop Pop,

Barry was ready for action.

Barry Norman Goldberg
reporting for duty, sir!

Son, I told you three times.
I know you're here.

Question. When do we get
our nicknames assigned,

'cause I'm thinking
I'm gonna be Sky Shark.

I call Sky Tiger.

Dude, I told you
Sky Tiger was my nickname.

No one's Sky Tiger.
I'm Sky Shark.

There can't be
two skies.

I was kind of thinking
Thunder Shark.

Oh, that's good!
No, bro!
I'm the shark!

(ALL SHOUTING)

Enough!

Instead of nicknames,
how about this.

Give me 20 push-ups.

If my body's already
in peak physical condition,

can I pass
and practice instead?

Practice what?
Volleyball.

You know, for when
we go to the beach

and flex our young,
glistening bodies.

I'm kind of
body-conscious,

so I'm not gonna pop off
my shirt at the beach,

if that's cool.
He's got an outie.

Shh!
There's no volleyball.

Son, if you're
not here to work,
you're worthless to me.

But I was
led to believe
I'm special.

You want special treatment?
Drop and give me 40!

Hey! How was
training, big guy?

Captain Wallace
says I'm, like,

better than Rambo,
the real one.
They're friends.

Well, I'm just proud
that you're sticking with it.

Oh, yeah.
Stick-to-it Barry.

That's what they call me.

Mom!

Dad secretly signed
a permission slip

to get me
in basic training.

Now I need to have you
secretly get me out of it.

What?
Shh!

Dad won't let me quit,

but Captain Wallace
is super demanding
and angry.

He called me worthless.

Are you (BLEEP)
kidding me?

I know. Right?
Worthless?

Well, obviously,
he's never seen you

ride a tandem bicycle
with your mother.

I was doing
most of the pedaling.

Are you sure
he called you worthless?

Maybe he called
you wonderful?

No. You have to get
me out of this, ma.

Unless you want me
to fly secret missions

to dangerous
foreign lands.

You can't go
on a secret mission.

They won't let you
call home,

and they don't know
what kind of cheese
binds you up.

So, you'll help?
Don't worry,
Snuggy-Boo.

I'll get you out.

Now, drop
and give me 20.

Huggies. (CHUCKLES)

ADULT ADAM: And with that,
Beverly Goldberg went to war.

ADULT ADAM: While I was
still upset about our fight,

Pops was ready to extend
an olive branch.

Hey, sweetheart.
You seen Adam?

I got him one of those
Atari-Nintendo games.

It's just like
the red-car, blue-car game
that we play at the arcade.

Aww, that's so cute.
But he's hanging with Pop Pop.

Pop-pop? I thought
he was bluffing.

You can always
hang with me,

you know, make
the little nerd jealous.

It'd be pretty damn
petty of me to use you
as some pawn.

Oh, I'm totally cool
with it.

We can, like,
go to the mall.

So, this is all a ploy
to get me to buy you stuff?

See? We get each other.

I'll drive.

ADULT ADAM: As Erica
and Pops had formed
an alliance,

my mom was waging war.

You, sir!

We need to talk.

Mrs. Goldberg,
I told you.

Yelling hours
are between
9:00 and 12:00.

This is
my lunch break.

Eat your tater tots, Earl.

I'm here for him.

What's happening
right now?

This is
Beverly Goldberg.

She's the Delta Force
of mothers.

And I'm here to tell you
that Barry will not be
returning to your course.

And I'm here to tell you
that your husband called

and said under
no circumstances

should I let your son
weasel out of this.

He called?

Oh, this just got good.

BEVERLY: Okay, then.

Well, I have demands.

Instead of yelling,
you will motivate my baby

with kindness and
encouragement.

And you will never, ever
call him worthless again.

Well, considering
you're asking me

to undo years
of proven and effective
military training,

the answer is no.

BEVERLY: Or is it yes?

According to the
school handbook,

any parent is permitted
on school grounds

to tend to the well-being
of their child.

Oop.
That gives me
the legal right

to be my son's
wingmom.

Uh-oh.
Wingmom?

Wingmom.
That's not a thing.

Oh, it is.

I'll see you
at 0900.

No, you won't.
Yes, she will.

That woman isn't setting
one foot in my class,

and you know why?

'Cause it's absurd
and unrealistic

and will never happen
on my watch.

Due to circumstances
both beyond my control
and beyond reason,

I'd like to welcome
a new ridiculous addition
to our class.

It's me.
What?

You were supposed
to get me out of this,
not join me!

But now we can
both feel the need,

the need for speed.

Together.

I feel that need alone,
not with my mom!

I promise
you won't even know
I'm here, Little Schmoo.

(ALL LAUGH)
Little Schmoo.

Now that should
be your code name.

No! It's Sky Shark.
That better not stick.

Infantilizing, bro!

Oh, no. The tastemakers
have spoken.

It's sticking!

ADULT ADAM:
With my mom
officially enlisted,

I had officially signed up

for a day
of fun and laughter
with Pop Pop.

Hey, where's all
the loose change?

You promised me
pocketfuls of quarters.

Hmm.

While we're here,
might as well play
a few games.

What do you think?

The only game I played
when I was a kid

was stop the Irish
from stealing our jobs.

Okay.

There's got to be
coins in the fountain.

I'll hold your legs.

ADULT ADAM:
My playdate with Pop Pop
couldn't get any worse...

Holy balls!

ADULT ADAM: ...Until
we ran into my ex.

What's he doing here?
How's my hair?

Looks like
a Chia thing.

Shut up and laugh like
I said something funny.

Since when
are you funny?

(LAUGHS)

So fun.

Oh. Hey, Pops.

Adam.

Didn't expect
to see you here...

With her.

Yeah, I'd love
to chat,

but Pops and I are
hitting up Benetton.

Need some resort
wear to be ready

to jet down to Florida
with my main man.

Well, I'm happy that you found
someone to spend time with.

Oh, this one's the best.

Hope you're
having fun, too.

(BLOWS RASPBERRY)
So much fun.

Today, I watched Pop Pop
pick up his prescription

and berate
the pharmacist

while I played
with the blood
pressure machine.

Classic us.

Ah, I see what's
going on here.

You're only
hanging out with me
to hurt his feelings.

(CHUCKLES)
Well done.

In your face, Al.
I'm his favorite
grandpa now.

Not a competition, Ben.

Oh, yes. It sure is.

I've been waiting
for this for years.

You think you're so great
with your pockets full
of paper money

and your genuine kindness.

Well, no more.

I'm the Pops now.

You're not the Pops.

I'll always be
the Pops.

No, no. I'm taking it
because I hate being
called Pop Pop.

Then pick another
name, like, uh...

Poppy.
Oh, hell, no.

Pap Pap.
(GROANS)

Paw Paw.
No, no, no.

Face it. I finally beat you,
and this little weirdo
is my prize.

Enough! I've had it
with both of you.

No one gets
to be my Pops!

And for the record,
I still won.

WALLACE: Come on, Goldberg.

The only way
out of my class
is over that wall,

you lazy sack of nothing.

Don't you listen to him.
You're a sack of everything!

You need to push
that lazy, worthless body,

or you'll be
a loser forever.

Your body is a sweet treasure,
and you're a winner!

Say,
"I'm a winner!"

(GROANS)
I can't.

Too hard!
WALLACE: You don't know hard.

Now stand up and start
from the beginning.

Oh, no, no.

He's done. Come with me
and rest up, baby.

Really?
Really?

Really?
Barry has low
energy today

because he overslept
and didn't get a complete
breakfast,

but I have raisins,
so we're good.

Oh, are we, now?

We are.

The school manual
clearly states

that nutritional health
is one of the most...
Fine.

Then everyone else
will attack the course
except for Goldberg,

who's gonna sit on the side
and eat his box of raisins.

Sir, yes, sir!
It's nature's candy, sir!

Yes. I've had raisins.

I can't believe
these came from
grapes, sir.

I wonder who came up
with the idea for them, sir.

Are you done?
No, sir!

Permission to share
a few plump raisins
with my platoon, sir!

Denied!

Just go sit on
the bleachers
and shut up.

The rest of you,
move it!

Feels pretty good
having a wingmom, huh?

Mmm. The sun makes them
taste so sweet.
(CHUCKLES)

Hey, there, soldier.
How was your day?

Tough as balls,
but you were right, Dad.

It feels good
to stick it out.

It does.
I bet you're starving.

How about a snack?

Raisin?
Mom, he knows.

He knows?
He knows.

Wait.
Do you know?
Wingmom?

He knows.
How do you know?

I have my sources!

What?
Captain Wallace tattled?

Bevy, how could you go behind
my back and try and help him?

How could you sign that
permission slip behind
my back?

Because it's important.

ROTC was the only way
I could go to college.

It's literally
the first thing in my life
I ever saw through.

And thank God I did,
because the guy I was before

wouldn't have had a shot
with you or any of this.

Look, look,
you guys both win.

Thanks to mom,
I get to protect my country

in a way that suits
my lifestyle,

being a hero
without working hard.

Well...

Mission accomplished.

Oh, so good.

ADULT ADAM: Officially
grandfather-less,

I decided to go
to my favorite place
in the world to cheer up.

(ADAM SIGHS)

Right there with you, Pac.
You can't rely on anyone.

I got next game.

Not talking to me,
huh?

All right.
Let's play for it.

If I beat you, then you
got to listen to me.

If not, I'm gone.
Deal?

You? Play me?

At Ms. Pac-man?
My best game?

Let's just say
your old grandpa

may have some skills
that might surprise you.

ADULT ADAM:
It was a game of legend.

Our entire relationship
was on the line.

In that moment,
Pops played that machine like
he never played it before.

Ha! I did it!
I win!

Actually, you lost.

Well, that's crazy.

My angry ghosts killed
that pac-woman over and over.

You're not the ghosts.
I'm not the ghosts?

You're the Pac-woman.
I'm the Pac-woman?

You're the Pac-woman.

Well, (CLEARS THROAT)
I guess it's goodbye.

ADULT ADAM:
As I was losing my wingman,

Barry was ready
for another day
with his wingmom.

Mom, ROTC's in
20 minutes.

Why aren't you dressed
in your camo sweater?

Honey, I'm not going.

But you are.
Alone.

What?
You never leave your wingman,
and you're my wingmom.

Here. I want to
show you something.

This is a picture of your dad
at his ROTC graduation.

Who does
he look like to you?

(TOP GUN ANTHEM PLAYS)
Me.

Look, your dad had nothing
growing up,

but he was able to make
so much of himself

because he wasn't
a quitter.

I think I protect you so much,
I've turned you into one.

That's why I'm ripping up
my list of dangerous jobs.

Whoa.
Does this mean those jobs
are no longer off-limits?

What you want to be in life
is up to you,

no matter how scary
it is for me.

Even a trapeze artist?
Don't push it.

Goldberg...

We don't normally say this
in the military, but...

Where's your mother?
I'm flying solo today,
Captain.

ADULT ADAM: Turns out,
even without a wingmom,

Barry could still soar
on his own.

As for me, when Pops
walked out of that arcade,

I realized I could never
fly as high without him.

I've been informed that you're
a sucker for a sales pitch,

so I figured you may want
to sit for this.

Depends
what you're selling.
Us.

By a show of hands,
how many of you fine folks

have a grandson
who you've helped raise?

And how many of you
are willing to forgive
said grandson

for acting like
a selfish putz?

'Cause the truth is,
no matter where you live,

you'll always be my hero,
always be my best friend,

always be my Pops.

Sold.

ADULT ADAM: And that's
how I made peace
with my Pops.

Sometimes it takes
almost losing someone

to make you realize
just how much you need them.

As for Pop Pop,
he'd always be

the kind of grandfather
who didn't need much,

but deep down inside,

I knew that he still
needed me.

And, to be honest,
I needed him, too.

That's the thing
about the people we love.

They're there at our lowest...

Well done, boys.
Only one thing to do now.

Yeah, there is!
ALL: Yeah!

...And they're there
when we're flying high,

helping us celebrate
our biggest victories.

Truth is you can
win any battle

when your family's
got your back,

'cause no matter
what life throws at you,

it's easy for a Maverick
when he's got Goose
at his side.

Winner!
Dang it!

That's life in
the fast lane, kiddo.

ADAM: How many girls
do you think you've
dated in your life?

Too numerous
to mention.

Sir! I figured it out.

I know why you were so mad
at my nicknames.

They weren't
good enough.

Lucky for you,
I got some more.

I was very clear.
No call signs,
no nicknames.

But what about
sky monkey?
No.

Air dragon? Air jordan?
No. No.

Thunder hornet?
Sky dagger?
No. My God.

Sky monkey.
You already said that.

Wolf man.
Iron beagle?
No! No.

Mach nine?
Mock turtleneck?
No. No.

Handsome Barry?
Tall Barry?
No. No.

Applesauce?
Yes! That's the one!

Applesauce.
You are applesauce.

No!
Oh, yes.

That's just filler.
I was saying that so you could
warm up to Sky Shark.

Pick Sky Shark!