All language subtitles for The.Goldbergs.2013.S03E08.1080p.WEB.h264-NOMA_track3_[eng]

ADULT ADAM:
Back in the '80s,

my mom was obsessed
with Thanksgiving.

When it came to her cooking,
everything had to be perfect.

She even made practice turkeys
before the big day.

Mmm!
I need feedback.

That's good!

But not great.
What?

I'm going again.

ADULT ADAM: To my mom,
it was a time for family.

For my dad, it was a hassle.

Why do we got to schlep
all the way here
to go shopping

when we got
a perfectly good market

a minute away
from our house?

Well, I thought
this time of year,

a change
of scenery would...

Oh, look! Murray,
there's your father!

What are the odds
we'd run into him

in a totally random
grocery store?

You got a bag boy
to tip you off, didn't you?

So, I have eyes
everywhere.

What? Does that make me
some kind of villain?

Bevy, every year
you ask me to invite

that spiteful, miserable man
to Thanksgiving.

You got to give it up.

You're right.

He's your father,
and I have no right to...

Hi! Ben, look!
It's your son, Murray!

You remember Murray.

Hi, Dad.
How you doing?

My foot's still
got that thing.
And I need eye surgery.

Yeah, good stuff.

So, any plans
for the holiday, Ben?

BEN: Yeah,
I got it right here.

This compartment
is the stuffing.
That's the sweet potatoes.

That gray circle,
that's the turkey.

Come on,
wouldn't a home-cooked meal
be much better than that?

That depends. You know
what happened the last time
I ate your cooking.

That was right after
we got married.
That was ages ago.

Your turkey was drier
than the sun.

It was like eating
the inside of a vacuum bag
filled with pencil shavings.

I did not enjoy
the meal.

You? No.

It was the first time
I'd ever cooked
Thanksgiving by myself.

My kids were little.
They were hanging
all over me.

I didn't even
have a baster.
I was baster-less!

No baster could fix
your food crimes.

Sorry, pal.
You deserve better.

Nice seeing you, Dad.
BEN: Eh, it was okay.

BEVERLY: This is not over.

You invite that callous,
hurtful man to
Thanksgiving right now!

See, I see why
you're hocking me
all the time to invite him.

You just want
to show my dad
that you're a good cook.

The best cook.

And family is important
and stuff.

Well,
it's not gonna happen.

It's bad enough
you invite my moron
brother every year.

Oh, stop.
Marvin's not that bad.

Gobble, gobble!
Hide your turkeys, ladies!

(BOTH LAUGH)
You little muskrat!

(BLOWING)
Oh!

Looking good,
Uncle Marvin.

I'm feeling good.
I lost 10 pounds.

I gained six,
lost four, gained two.

Also,
your voice is weird.

It is. I, I'm hoping
this isn't where it lands.

(CHUCKLES)
That's the spirit.

(IN DEEP VOICE)
Mur-man!

Ah! Hey!

What's with the, uh,
pajamas?

You mean
these certified
medical scrubs?

As you know,
I'm almost a fully
licensed chiropractor.

Ah. Good.
Another one of your
half-baked schemes.

Schemes?
What schemes?

First, you were
breeding alpacas.

Then you were selling
alpaca wool.

Then came
alpaca burgers.

What the hell
was I supposed to do
with a dozen dead alpacas?

Regardless...

Those were
all obvious steps
to chiropractology.

I don't know
if that's the official title.

They reveal that to us
at graduation.

That's something
to look forward to.

You see that?
Negativity.

I could take away
all of your stress

just with a single
(IMITATES CRACKING)
crack of your cervical spine.

(SCOFFS) No.

Come on. Come on!
Come on!
Aah! No!

I'm serious.
Stay away from me.

Hey, come over here.
Come on.
No, no, no, no.

Don't struggle. I don't want
to break anything.
Come on. No. no!

(GRUNTS)
Get off me!

This feels dangerous
and unsafe!

It is if you fight it!

Oh, I hate Thanksgiving!
I hate it so much!

I'm a healer!
Let me heal you!
Make it stop!

* I'm twisted up inside

* But nonetheless
I feel the need to say

* I don't know the future

* But the past keeps getting
clearer every day *

ADULT ADAM: It was
November 20th,
1980-something,

and Pops was ready
to pass down
a Thanksgiving tradition.

Erica, guess what.
I got something for you.

A car?

No.
Did you get me a car?

No.
Did anyone get a car?

No. What is it
with you kids
and wanting a car?

It's kind of like,
we don't have a car,

but we want one.

Like a car.

Look,
this is even better.

I want you to take over
the Thanksgiving toast.

My grandfather
passed it down to me,

and now I pick you.

Ha! You have to keep
a lame-ass

family tradition alive.

You see, that's why
I'm picking your sister

'cause she's the heart
and soul of this family,

who'll keep
this tradition alive.

Lies!

I'm the heart, soul,

and deadly fists
of this family, not her!

I want to do it!

You're right, kiddo.
If you really want to be
toastmaster general,

then you deserve
a fair shot.

You're so dead.

Saying words good
is my specialness.

To life!

You're clearly
picking me.

I'm picking you.

To life.

Dad, I, I know
you're swamped

watching your big
football contest.

Go, blue team.

I actually like
the green team.

Fun stuff. Listen,

I don't want
to waste your time,

but I thought
you should know

that I might be working on
my best video project yet.

What's happening?

I just need six more hours
of therapeutic massage

under my belt before
I'm board-certified.

This isn't a good time.

Gotcha.
(POPPING LIPS)

Anyway, now
that I'm getting older

and growing
as an artist,

I'm venturing away
from robot movies

and fart-based comedy skits
to more serious work,

with real emotional
impact.

This still
isn't a good time.

The moment
felt right.
It's not.

Roger that.

* Beep, bap,
bee-bap, boop *

Point is, I need
a better wide-angle lens

to fully realize my vision,
but they're quite pricy.

My vision is
I won't have any children
asking me for money.

Go away!

Okay, okay, but this
counts as an hour.

I'm gonna go get
the paperwork
for you to sign.

Look, all I want you
to do is watch
what I have already.

I think you'll see
what I mean.

ADULT ADAM: That year,
I discovered the song
Cat's In The Cradle.

Like any teenage kid,
the catchy chorus

and "My dad is a jerk" lyrics
spoke to me.

* And the cat's in the cradle
and the silver spoon

* Little boy blue
and the man in the moon

ADULT ADAM:
What I didn't realize,
it spoke to my dad even more.

* But we'll get together, then

* You know we'll have
a good time then *

Oh. That song.
(REMOTE CLICKS)

Always manages to hit
you hard, you know?

I guess.
It's only halfway done.

You finish it.

Wait. For real?

Yeah.
Before I change my mind.

ADULT ADAM:
Turns out Cat's In The Cradle
made my dad feel things,

and like any good son,
I'd use this
to manipulate him.

Hey, Dad, they just
released a new
Dungeons & Dragons module.

Can you drive me
to the hobby shop tonight?

I understand none of that,
but I feel good saying no.
I'm off to work.

Okay, but when you
coming home, dad?
I don't know when.

ADULT ADAM: All I did
was subliminally
remind him of the song.

We'll get together then.

Damn.

Let's just go now.

ADULT ADAM: As I was
working over my old man,

Barry was working out
a new toast.

"F" is for family.

"A" is for how awesome
this family is.

"M" is for "Mmm, turkey."

"I" is for my eyes
that get to see you all.

"L" is for LL Cool J
who probably
also celebrates Thanksgiving.

"Y"?

Because he's American,
like us.

Family!

(CLEARS THROAT)
I mean, you got charm.

Uh, but what you don't have
is a good speech,

or charm. I just said that
to cushion the blow.

Damn it.
What am I supposed to do?

Erica's so smart
and emotional

and has these female hormones
that make her feel stuff.

How do I compete
with that?

Well... (CLEARS THROAT)
The first thing you got to do

is lie down
and let your Uncle Marvin

crackle your spine bones
and your neck tendons
to release toxins.

Okay.
Okay?

Okay!
Okay!

Right there?
Yeah. Facedown.
There you go.

Got to get
a good stretch on here.

This flank.

Hey!

Aah! Oh!

That...
That hurts my body.

That means it's working.

As for your speech,

there's one thing
that I learned
in back-cracking school,

and that's how
to captivate a client.

Go on.
You see, in the manual,
it says

that constant talk
and distraction
helps them ignore

the searing pain
that is spinal alignment.

That makes sense.

It's not just about
using your words.

It's also
about flash!

(BONES CRACK)
Ah!

Flash! You're right.

That's what I need
to add to my toast!

Exactly.

Now, just get up there
and show them
what you got, kid.

BARRY: I'm good.

You look good.

ALF: (ON TV) Get away
with murder, so to speak.

Right now,
I could walk over...

Well, what's going
on in here?

Just watching ALF
and playing
cat's cradle.

No relation to the song.

You know the song,
right, Dad?

(HUFFS) That song.

You know what would
push this father/son
moment over the top?

You whip us up a malt
to share.

That's a great idea,
pal.

What's going on?

Just some father/son
bonding time.

Tell me
what you've done to him,

or I'll make you go outside
and play catch with your dad

on the lawn
in front of the
entire neighborhood.

No.
And not with one of those
soft nerf balls, either.

Not the hard, white ones
with the sewing on them.

That's right.
Baseballs.

Okay, okay!

Truth is, Cat's in the Cradle
makes dad bend to my will

'cause the words
make him sad.

How selfish can you be?

I'm sorry. I'll stop.

You most certainly will.

After you use your evil
to help me.

Seriously?
Play the song.

Get him to invite Pop Pop
to Thanksgiving

so he can finally see
what an amazing cook I am.

Isn't your thing, like,
way more selfish than mine?

Oh, yes.
(CHUCKLES)

Now that man will eat
my food and his words.

(CHUCKLES)

And also,
family's important
and stuff.

There's a lesson
in there. Figure it out.

Gobble, gobble.

ADULT ADAM:
It was almost dinnertime,

and even though I manipulated
Dad into inviting Pop Pop,

the old grouch was a no-show.

Do we have to wait
for Pop Pop?
I'm starving.

Just give me
a scoop.

Hey! Don't ruin
the presentation.

Half of eating
is done with the eyes.

Murray,
where's your father?

He'll be here
any minute.

Still waiting on Dad, eh?
(LAUGHS)

That's weird.

I thought you
called him, Murray.

(LAUGHS MANIACALLY)

Okay, you're really
laughing it up,

which tells me
you've done
something idiotic

and you want me
to hear about it.
Go ahead.

After you called
our father

to invite him
to Thanksgiving,
I called him back,

and I said that I was
going to pick him up.

(LAUGHING)
But I never did.

You know,
even for you,
this is incredibly stupid.

Uh, it's brilliant,

and you have
your son Adam
to thank for it,

'cause he keeps
on playing that
Cat's in the Cradle song.

(CHUCKLING)
And, uh, everyone knows

that it's the greatest
revenge song ever written.

How do you get revenge
from that song?

Hello?

It's about a boy
who gets shafted
by his dad,

just like we were.

And then he grows up,
and his dad calls him
to hang out,

and then the boy
is just like,

"Ha! I've been waiting
for this moment.

"I have my own life now.

"So suck it, old man!"
Click!

That's not
what it's about!

It's about spending time
with your kid.

Pfft! What you
talkin' 'bout, Murray?

It's right there
in the lyrics.

* The cat eats the baby
with the silver spoon *

Those aren't the words!

It didn't eat a baby.
No baby got eaten.

The cat eats the baby...
No baby gets eaten.

...with the silver spoo...
Would you wake up?

A cat cannot use
a spoon.

It's got paws.

A cat can very easily

just pick up a spoon
like so

and...
(IMITATE SPLASH)

(KEYS JINGLE)
Hey. Whoa! Stop!

Wh... It's dinner time.
Where are you going?

To get my father.

You're gonna ruin
my ruthless revenge
plot against dad!

What kind
of Thanksgiving is this?
Hey...

ADULT ADAM:
What we didn't know...
(DOOR CLOSES)

...was Thanksgiving
was about to get awesome.

Why don't we just hear
a toast while we're waiting?

Erica, show us
what you got.
Thank you, Pops.

(CLEARS THROAT)

Well, I'm just gonna
speak from the heart
and say...

BARRY: (VOICE AMPLIFIED)
Ladies and
gentlemen-men-men-men,

are you prepared
for the ultimate

Thanksgiving extravaganza
of love-love-love-love?

ADULT ADAM: And with that,
Barry appeared from the smoke

to take Thanksgiving
to a new level.

* Never surrender
What the heck is this?

An idiot giving
a Thanksgiving toast.

Y'all's about to get touched,
ninja pilgrim-style.

Turkey. Yah!

ADULT ADAM:
It was educational.

And so that's when
Chris Colombo
married Pocahontas

and they feasted
upon corn, or maize,

named after its a-maize-ing
taste when buttered.

ADULT ADAM: It had music.

It was packed with metaphors
and symbolism.

(GRUNTING)

It had pyrotechnics.

And breaks for hydration.

It had emotional pandering...

Look at us. Love.

He leaps from half-court!

ADULT ADAM:
...and a cinematic climax.

Three points for family!

The nuclear weapons
are disarmed!

The Goldbergs
saved the world!

In conclusion,
Thanksgiving!

ADULT ADAM: (LAUGHS)
And it was awesome!

Wait! You actually enjoyed
that confusing pile
of garbage?

It was
a real experience.

I feel like
I just went
to Atlantic City.

I liked the part
where you showed
the baby pictures.

But it made no sense!

How can a slam dunk
disarm nuclear weapons?

Can't wait to hear
what you got
in store, Erica.

Uh...

I think we should
space them out a bit.

No! Please.

Talk from the heart.

Uh... We should wait
on Pop Pop,

because that is
the right thing to do.

So I'll be upstairs.

Not writing a speech.

Just, uh, waiting
for them to show up,
so I'll be gone.

ADULT ADAM:
As Erica retreated,
Pop Pop was on the warpath.

I can't believe
you people...

Making me wait outside
nearly seven minutes
in the dead of fall.

It was just
a little mix-up, Dad.
Marvin will apologize.

You want me
to apologize to him,

the man who picked me
up from soccer practice
at midnight?

I had a thing.
That's it!

I'm not stepping
one foot in that house
as long as he's here!

Good.
Now I got something
to be thankful for.

(EXCLAIMS)

Hey! What are you doing
dropping the pants?
That's my thing.

I'm the one that invented
dropping your slacks
at the door.

It's Thanksgiving.
Pull up your pants.

How you doing, Ben?

You think
you're better than me?

(CHUCKLES)
Speaking of better,
try my turkey, Ben. Taste.

No, no, no.
I learned my lesson
a long time ago.

Here. Heat this up.
I'm starving.

Come on. You can't have
Thanksgiving from a box.

Just take a taste, Ben.

I'm not kidding you.

Take a damn taste.

I'll take a taste!
I'm eating out here!

Everyone,
just calm down.

Adam, uh, why don't you
just play your
Cat's In The Cradle video?

Oh, hey! Son of a bitch.
I love that song.

That's got
that nice message in it.

That right?

Yeah,
there's this needy brat

who's been pestering
his dad for years.

His dad just wants
to be left alone.

All right, so,
now, years later,
they're on the phone,

but his son now...
Oh, he's finally
into his own crap.

So his father
hangs up the phone

because now he's got
what he's always wanted.

To be
left the hell alone.
(DOOR OPENS)

It's a revenge song!

The son wins in the end!

No one wins!

It's about the struggle
to not let time slip away.

No one thinks that!

(DOOR SLAMS)
Adam.
Do your Jedi mind trick.

Play the video
and make people
listen to you.

That's why you've been
playing that damn song
all the time?

Oh, balls.
You were screwing
with my mind?

Mom was the one
that tricked you
into inviting Pop Pop

so she could
force-feed him turkey.

What?
What?

What? I can't hear!

I'm outside here!
Speak louder!
* Never surrender

Who's ready for a high-octane,
tear-jerkin'
Thanksgiving toast?

Oh, boy.
This is real bad timing.

Watch out, Russia.
It's the American
baseball team,

and they're hitting
home runs for family.
(GASPS)

Oh!
My decorative gourds!

Dude! You're stealing
my whole speech!

No, it's different!
You did basketball.
I'm doing baseball.

What?
Doesn't matter. I win.

I forgot what it was for,
but I beat you.

You don't even know
what this is about?

I dislike you so much!

BEVERLY: Stop it! Stop it!
Everybody stop it!
Barry!

Stop it!
It's Thanks (BLEEP) giving!

I don't care what it is!
I want these crazy people
out of my house!

No! I'm so close!

Ben, try my yams.

I learned my lesson.
No.

No yams!
I'm taking out the leaf!

No! Not the leaf!

What's happening?

(GRUNTS) Aah!

I feel so left out!

MURRAY: Ugh, my back.

ADULT ADAM: It was
a Thanksgiving stalemate.

My dad wanted everyone out,

and Marvin was refusing
to come in.

What are you
still doing here?

Thanksgiving's over.
Go home.

No. We can
still save this thing.

Barry, help me set
the table around
your father.

I can't move!

I sold 80-pound vacuums
door to door
with a shattered pelvis.

Suck it up!

Marvin, get inside.
Murray threw his back out,
and we need your magic hands.

Yes, I can see
how you might think,

based on my
consistent claim
that I'm a chiropractor,

how I might be
of some service in this
particular situation.

You can't help?
What kind of
a male nurse are you?

I am a chiropractor,
damn it.

At least, I will be
once the school
is recognized by the state.

There's no way
that man's touching me!

Okay, that's enough.
I have something to say.

Again,
it's very bad timing.

Look, maybe
we're a garbage family,

and maybe
we don't always get along.

But, you know,
maybe that's okay.

Maybe that's
a good thing.

I mean, Barry's one
of the biggest idiots
of all time,

but he gave the best toast
this family's ever seen.

Yes! Ignoring
the first part.

And if this utter dope
can pull that off,

well, then I'm sure
my dopey uncle

has learned enough
at back school
that he can fix my dad.

No! Do not get inspired
by her speech!

'Cause the fact is
it's Thanksgiving!

And if a family
can't believe
in each other

on a day like today...

Well, then, when can we?

ADULT ADAM:
Sure, it was insulting,
but also deeply moving.

That night, Erica proved
that she could toast
with the best of them.

What is happening?

(DOOR BURSTS OPEN)

Your faith in me
is all the training I need.

(SCREAMS) No!

You can do it, Marvy.

No!
It's all you, Uncle Marv.

No!
Give it a shot, Marv!

I'm a little drunk.

I'm going in!

Don't go in!
What are you doing?

(GRUNTS)
Flash!

(BONES CRACK)

How you feel?

I actually feel better.
MARVIN: Yeah?

Look, he's
standing straighter!

I told you I'm a God!
(LAUGHS)

Marvin saved
Thanksgiving!

Marvin. Marvin!

(LAUGHS MANIACALLY)

ADULT ADAM: Even though
Marvin took all the credit,

my mom still got the moment
she always dreamed of.

Damn it, Marvin!
You're... You're hogging
the yams!

Ah, buh, buh, buh!

Look at my old man
loving your food.

Guess you finally got
what you wanted.

Raised a moron.

BEVERLY:
Yeah. It's great.

But look at them
all there.

* He learned to walk
while I was away *

Family and stuff.
(CHUCKLES)

Yeah.
Family and stuff.

ADULT ADAM: It turned out
to be our best
Thanksgiving ever.

And even though Barry
and Erica battled
over the best speech,

in the end,
Pops reclaimed the crown.
(SPOON CLINKS)

I'd like to make
a little toast.

Normally, this holiday
makes me think
of the love of my life.

My wife, Irene.

But as I look
around this table tonight,

I realize we shouldn't dwell
on the loves we've lost.

'Cause there's more
than enough love right here.

Cheers.

MURRAY: Hear, hear.
(GLASSES CLINK)

(SNIFFLES)
Thinks he's better
than us, that bastard.

If anyone would like
a spinal adjustment,

meet me on the couch
when this is over.

* I said, "Not today,
I got a lot to do"

* He said, "That's okay"

* And then he walked away,
but his smile never dimmed
and said...

I don't get it.

How on earth can you think
this song's about
being a lousy father?

Just a theory.

Well...

I watch you
with your kids.
You're, um...

Not like me.

You're a good father
to them.

Even to the weird one.

I don't know which one
that is, but thank you.

(CAT'S IN THE CRADLE
CONTINUES PLAYING)

* Well, he came from college
just the other day

* So much like a man,
I just...

Hey. The...
The video over?

(STUTTERS) I got nervous,
so I left.

Yeah. It, uh, played well.

Noticed my name
on the end there.

Since when
am I your producer?

Since you paid
for the lens.

I couldn't have done it
without you.

Any of it.

* Little boy blue
and the man in the moon

So...

Yeah.

Yeah.

* But we'll get
together then, Dad

You okay?

Yeah. I'm good.

* And the cat's in the cradle
and the silver spoon

* And the cat's in the cradle
and the silver spoon

* Little boy blue
and the man in the moon

* When you comin' home, son?
I don't know when

* But we'll get
together then, Dad *

A few guys from the
water polo team
invited me on a ski trip.

No.
Would you just hear me out
before you say no?

I already said no.

Well, I wrote a little song
about father/daughter
relationships

that just may make
you realize that our time
together is fleeting.

(TV TURNS OFF)

* A butterfly emerges
from a cocoon

* A dad and daughter
gaze at the moon

* Fathers and daughters
and fathers of daughters

* And the man in the moon
is neglecting
his daughter... *

Wow!

That song made me realize
how precious our time is.

So I can go
on the ski trip?

No. I want you
by my side all weekend.

This really backfired
on me, huh?