Original subtitles

Hi, I'm Coles Rouse, and you're watching Disney Channel.

We would be delighted to host Scooter's birthday party.

Yes, we can provide a clown.

Play hide -and -seek.

Oh, Scooter's 104.

Well, then we won't make him seek.

Mm -hmm, right.

Yes, very well then, tomorrow.

This never has a good answer, but what are you doing?

Our science project.

Zach and I have to find and identify microbes in our home environment.

That's right, so let the boy do our work.

Maybe you should work on leaving.

I have a very important hotel guest coming. Who is it? The president of the

Pocket Panky Association?

No.

And it's not an association.

It's a club.

Coming through.

Whoa!

Do you know who you are?

Tony Hawk?

Yes.

Good, because that's the name I made the reservation under.

Give me some space.

Are you going to do another cool trick?

No, I have to sneeze.

Here, use my schnozzola 2000.

Awesome. We can use your snot for our project.

No, no, no. That's a waste. It's a celebrity snot. We can sell it on the

Internet.

Okay, but I'm not signing it.

for me to take a private fencing class for my P .E. credit.

I don't like poor girls sweating on me.

Well, this poor girl doesn't want to bleed on you.

But get that thing away from me.

But I need a fencing partner to stick.

Okay, call me wacky, but I have no desire to be around you and sharp

Ready to start your lesson?

your choice. Shall I try a new recipe for liver or order pizza?

Pizza. I'll order.

You know, I was reading my textbook last night. Whoa, whoa, whoa.

You were reading a textbook?

I'm so proud.

No, no, not you. Although if you get that pizza, you're in under 30 minutes.

We'll talk.

Did you know that there are more germs on a telephone?

They're getting you from both ends.

Oh, and you don't even want to know about your pillow.

What? What about my pillow?

It has a million...

The most important thing in fencing is the grip.

Hold it as you would hold the hand of a lover.

Good, but I meant with the foil.

Help me.

Your hands are so strong.

Now, today, Diego will teach you the very...

in common.

My name is London, which has a big lock, and you're wearing a watch.

Oh, that reminds me.

Diego was late for his acupuncture appointment.

Acupuncture? Yes.

He sticks me, I stick him back.

Because I'm going to date him. Too late. We're going to get married, buy a big

villa, and live in Acapella.

People sing Acapella. He lives in Acapulco.

That's what my sweater's made out of. That's alpaca.

Okay, look, I think in the interest of our friendship, neither of us should

him. You're right. You shouldn't date him because you're my friend. And I

date him because you're my friend.

No, no, no, no, no.

Let me say this slowly.

Neither one of us dates him.

Got it.

Neither one of us dates him. Except for me.

Are you doing this on purpose?

Doing what?

Completely ignoring everything I'm saying. Doing what?

Okay,

I'm going to say it one more time. You don't date him. I don't date him. He

doesn't date you. He doesn't date me. Both Leonard and Maddie don't date

Diego doesn't date Leonard and Maddie. Neither one of us date Diego.

I got it. I mean, what do you think I am? Stupid? Ow!

I'm sure your father will be very...

with the food you choose for his birthday party.

Well, it does have to be special. After all, he is Boston's oldest citizen.

Yes, at 104, I guess his last big celebration was the Boston Tea Party.

Chef Paolo, you must now try my most delightful creation.

I call it Chef Paolo's most delightful creation.

Oh, that sauce is incredible.

If you don't mind my asking, what's in it? Tomato, zucchini, green pepper,

onion, garlic, chive, black pepper, red wine vinegar, olive oil, virgin olive

oil, extra virgin olive oil, olive oil with the questionable past, lemon juice,

dill weed, celery seed, mustard seed, mustard flower, honey, sugar, and a

secret something for taste.

Oh, um, would you mind repeating that? I'm...

I'm having guests over later. Certainly.

Tomato, zucchini, green... Say pepper and your life is over.

It's me.

Why is this boy wearing a mask and gloves?

It's the fashion.

You know, it's like sideways caps and baggy pants. Well, now it's gloves and

surgical masks.

You know, it's hip.

No, it's not.

He's just afraid of germs.

The only germs in my hotel are you two.

Well, we'll find out. We're on our way to the kitchen to look for samples right

now. Oh, bacteria and other gross stuff.

My kitchen isn't the cleanest in all of Boston. You could eat off of the floor.

Although people seem to prefer a plate.

Maddie, ready for our lesson?

Yeah, and I've been practicing.

Oh!

I am defenseless against your candy sword.

Diego must confess, he enjoys spending much time with you.

Really?

Immensely much.

Really?

Really.

Well, you know, maybe we could... No.

No, I can't.

Can't what?

Let's just not tell Lennon, okay? My lips are sealed.

Say seven -ish?

Seven -ish.

Your accent is so cute.

Hey, Diego.

Did Maddie leave?

Yes. Good. Let's go out.

Ten -ish?

Great. But don't tell Maddie.

Oh, you have my word.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I must go to the little fence.

Never said that before.

I'll help as soon as I'm done washing my hands. Cody, enough.

You started washing them a half an hour ago. You're not going to have any skin

left. Okay, I'm done.

No one touched me.

How about we don't talk to you either?

Hey, you've got your quirks too, Zach. Like never washing your hands.

Well, I will after touching this gunk we got from Chef Paolo's kitchen. It makes

me want to puke.

So cool.

Oh, that was scary.

I'm a sucker for a big stuffed animal.

It's just what I thought.

The swab we took from the hotel kitchen is black mold.

Black mold?

That's one of the worst kinds.

Especially if inhaled.

I'm taking a shower and I'm never coming out.

Honey, you can't do that.

You have to learn to deal with your fear.

Like I did when I found out I was having twins.

over a campfire.

This happens to be a hermetically sealed suit. It keeps all germs out, including

black mold.

Unfortunately, it also keeps all odors in, so no beans with dinner.

Man, I gotta tell everybody about this.

Oh, you're right. Mr. Mosby needs to know about the black mold. No, I meant

stupid Cody looks.

But I guess I can mention the mold.

want you shopping for clothes by yourself.

Don't you remember Halloween 2005?

I went as the fat ghost.

A few minor adjustments, a fishbowl, and voila.

You are going to take that off, though, right?

Never.

Okay.

Cody, think about this. If you stay in there, your science grade is going to

depend on Zach's homework.

No, it won't.

I can do anything in this suit that I could do before.

of my siblings.

Hey, isn't that Diego's handkerchief?

What makes you think that?

The big D.

That stands for this is my handkerchief.

Liar. Diego had it last night at dinner.

Okay, maybe he did.

Wait, how do you know that?

Uh, I read it in Mosby's handkerchief magazine.

you wouldn't date him. So did you. Yeah, but I lie all the time. Whereas you're

honest. Or at least you used to be. How can you live with yourself?

How can you date my boyfriend?

Diego's in love with me.

He told me the sun rises just to see me. Well, he told me I outshine the moon

and the stars.

Well, he told me that in the forest the trees whisper my name.

Yeah, they whisper, have you seen that pasty -faced beanpole Maddie

Then we'll duel for Diego.

I'm guarding.

It's a guard.

Wow. Diego is impressed with how far the students have come.

Impressed and almost headless. Where are you going? Made. Sorry.

Diego will join you.

This is written now, so are you sure you want your father's dinner served at

three? Seems a little early.

Yes, but he is 104.

We don't want to take a chance and wait till six.

Good point.

Uh, Mr. Mosby? I need to speak with you.

Privately. Why don't you have your mother write me a check for whatever you

broke, and we'll call it a day.

No, actually, it's about the kitchen.

I found something bad in there.

Kids these days. Bad means good.

for a second. Excuse us.

Define bad.

Well, I think it's black mold.

Black mold.

Did you hear that? Black gold.

Yes, we struck oil.

We're rich.

It's all right. I'll take the next one.

The sound I just made scared even me.

I guess now is not the best time to tell you that the newspaper is here to cover

the old man's apology.

Ouch!

Okay, that sound scared me even more than my sound.

Oh, this is a nightmare.

Well, on the bright side, I'm probably going to get an A in science.

What? We can't be happy for Zach?

No one must find out about the black mold.

Try again.

Why don't we just rest a while?

The kitchen has black mold?

The chicken has a bad cold.

No.

perfectly logical explanation as to why there would be black mold in our

kitchen. Oh.

Anyone?

Uh, black mold's the name of my band.

Rock on!

Rock on!

People, I assure you, there's absolutely no danger in this hotel.

Mr. Mosby, I need to speak with you right away.

Oh, why is that marshmallow talking?

I've got some good news.

You're going to be in the Thanksgiving Day Parade.

actually a harmless variety, commonly found in aged cheese.

You know what? I must have looked at the wrong picture. And now that you mention

it, I did swab some blue cheese.

Oh, well, no harm, no foul, eh, buddy?

No harm, no foul.

Because of your stupid project, I nearly shut down this hotel.

Hey, this is the first time that Zach has displayed any interest in science.

prefer you not yell at him.

My bad.

Ladies and gentlemen, it was a false alarm.

Sorry for the scare.

There's a bear?

Okay, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. There's no bear and there's no mold.

Look, the Tipton Hotel is an elegant oasis, free of any kind of danger.

I just sit in the garage.

Well, Mr.

Sports Car, you're about to get dead in your bumper.

cute guy we both like, let's handle it the mature way.

Rock, paper, scissors.

Works for me.

Do the rock.

It's all yours.

and the dust mites and... Honey, you're overreacting.

No, I'm not.

You're inside a fishbowl.

Mom, don't tap the glass. It freaks me out.

Well, you're freaking me out.

Look, I know there's a lot of scary things in the world, but you can't live

life in a bubble.

Well, maybe you can't, but I'm perfectly comfy.

All right. I'm not going to force you out of the suit, mostly because I can't

find the zipper.

But I want you to think...

I'm going skating. You want to come?

Duh!

Unless your brother would rather go deep sea diving.

Oh, yeah, I'm sorry. Cody can't go.

Why not?

Sweetie, do you have any idea how many terms there are in a skate park?

Who cares?

I'm going skating with Tony Hawk.

Take the goldfish out of the coffee pot and put them back in this.

Dad, where are you going?

I'm going skateboarding with Tony Hawk.

I want to feel the wind whistle through my scalp.