Original subtitles

my science project.

The guy I used to use is all stuck up now that he won the Nobel Prize.

The Nobel Prize winner tutored you?

Nope. He just did the research and the writing.

Sorry, London. I can't help you. I have a report due on Moby Dick.

I'll pay you.

The whale can wait.

Great. I'll see you in my suite later, study buddy.

I'll be there, money honey.

And no fair.

It's project two, and I can't afford to hire a nerd.

We nerds prefer educational consultants.

I thought you said you were great in science. I am, but I really want to get

A, so I'm building a Tesla coil.

Ooh, challenging.

But I'm all booked up.

Really?

You like listening to all that classical junk, right?

If by junk you mean the music of Beethoven, Mozart, and Bach, then yes.

Look, if you help me, I could get my hands on Uncle Marion's symphony tickets

hear Yo -Yo Mama.

You mean Yo -Yo Ma?

Whatever.

I'm your nerd.

Singing contract is up, so here is the renewal. Now, for your convenience, I

have flagged where you need to sign.

You signature at the red ones and then initial at the yellow ones. What about

that green one? The green one? Oh, it's a little lettuce from my lunch.

There you are. Don't I need to read it first?

No, that's the beauty of the flags.

And nothing in your head.

I'm sure there's a reasonable explanation.

Nope.

Leave it.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm negotiating my contract with Mr. Mosby.

negotiating. We're signing.

a three -year guarantee?

I don't see that in here.

How about yearly wages tied to performance?

Good. Oh, you're outside the flags! Outside the flags!

And I demand a new filter for that spotlight.

Somebody's not getting any younger.

That's right.

About the lighting, not about the getting older part.

Zach, this discussion is not for children.

Actually,

this child...

the point.

I think I'm going to review this more carefully.

Carrie, are you going to take Zach's advice?

I know you don't believe this, but Zach can be pretty sharp.

Check it out.

I'm a gummy mummy.

Oh, hi, Cody.

So, are you done with my project yet?

You're paying me to help?

not do the work for you. Oh, I get it. You want more money.

London, there isn't enough money in the world to make me do your homework for

you. Maybe not in your world, but in my world, I have enough money to buy your

world.

Forget it. Let's just focus here.

Do you have an experiment in mind?

Okay.

How about you conduct an experiment that demonstrates the principles of gene

splicing? Oh, I can do that.

buy my jeans with holes already in them, but I can slice them myself.

Oh, it's like talking to a potato.

We'll make a potato clock.

Why would a potato need to tell time?

Oh, I got it. So it knows when it's done.

No, the potato will power the clock. See, by using copper and zinc, you

chemical reaction between the two metals, converting the potential energy

inherent within the vegetable into an electrical current.

Potato make TikTok.

Oh, yay!

Cody, smart, smart!

No, no, no, no, no. You cannot be serious.

These percentages don't even keep pace with the cost of living.

Why can't you do your math homework this easily?

Please, Mom, those are all make -believe numbers. This is the real stuff.

Noah, you deserve a raise.

It's more vacation time. A sweet two -bedroom.

I want that.

Finally, I can have my own bedroom.

Well, actually, I was thinking one for me and one for Cody, but you could bunk

with Cody.

I smell ink drying.

I hope that means something has been signed.

I'm excited to celebrate.

We'll drink that apple bubbly when you make us a real offer.

Okay, okay.

Maybe there are a few perks I could throw your way.

How about I bump up your wardrobe budget 10 %? And I'll let you keep the outfits

for, you know, dates.

Should you ever get one.

I'll take that.

Under consideration, and we'll get back to you.

free clothes.

Please, just ruin your bone.

Look, let me negotiate.

Not only will you get free clothes, the pockets will be stuffed with money.

Minus my 10 % commission, of course.

I don't know, Zach. I don't think I could let a 14 -year -old negotiate my

Oh, Mom, what do you got to lose? If I get you more, great. If not, you would

always sign Mosby's deal.

Well, you do make some good points.

And it would drive Mr. Mosby bonkers.

Which could work for us.

Okay, Zach, you are now my agent.

Great! Let's do lunch.

No, really, Mommy, I'm hungry.

Make me a sandwich?

All right. For a Tesla coil to work, we need to create an electrical field that

can power a light bulb without it being attached to any wires.

Yeah, yeah, less yapping, more coiling.

Turned it into a potato hat.

Do you think this will get an A?

Not unless you're wearing sour cream gloves and a bacon scarf.

You need to come and help me. Fine.

Hey, he's helping me.

That's right, I was helping her.

Not anymore.

Give me back my nerd. It's my nerd.

No.

Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey.

Let's not break the nerd.

We tend not to be that well muscled.

Ready to put this contract to bed?

Please address me, not my client.

Carrie, are you serious?

Molly, talk me into it. If he could do that, I figured he must be a good agent.

Great, small talk's over. Let's tango.

Now, since my client started working here, business in your lounge has gone

through the roof.

Okay, I do acknowledge there have been a few more people. A few?

It's been a stampede.

And after every show, people give her a standing ovation.

They're getting up to go home.

Well, they never would have come in without the glamour puss up there

her goodies.

Shaking my goodies?

Bubby, please, you sing, I talk.

The tourists come for the hotel, not for some so -called glamour puss.

So -called?

Look, sweetheart, this is nothing personal, but just leave this to the

professionals and get yourself a candy bar, but just one. We don't want your

goodies to go bad.

That makes a great point.

About my goodies? You should leave this for the professionals.

But I... Well, I'm glad you understand our position.

I do.

Oh, how'd it go?

Where'd you get me?

Well, more vacation time.

How many weeks a year? 52.

That's all of them. Yep, you quit.

I quit? Don't worry, it's just a negotiating ploy.

Don't look back.

I want to... Don't look back.

You looked back, didn't you?

A little.

Cody?

London? This is too hard.

It's two wires, a potato, and a clock. How much easier could it be?

A lot, if you do it.

your book report for you.

Seriously, finish the clock.

Fine, I'll finish it. It's the only way I'm going to get my book report done.

Thank you.

Cody, I connected the HV capacitor to the transformer, like you said, and

nothing happened.

I get more electricity dragging my feet on the carpet.

to back off so Cody can help me finish my project.

Well, he's doing my project.

I'm paying him.

So? I'm giving him Yo Mama tickets.

Well, Cody's been my friend for years.

Oh, yeah? Well, what's his last name?

Oh, Cody... Cody... Martin.

No, I'm pretty sure it's Cody.

See? That's why you should help me. She doesn't even know your last name.

I'll play Cody all the last names you want.

Martin. Fine. I'll play...

last things he wants.

Forget it.

I have a book report I need to do.

I want no part of any of this. London, keep your money. Nia, keep your mama

tickets.

I'm out of here.

Martin, wait!

Great. Now what are we gonna do?

Look, if you help me, I'll help you. I mean, how hard can this really be?

Wait, which wire was mine?

What difference does it make?

What should I do with this?

I don't know. Just connect it to something.

Whoa.

That's pretty cool.

See that? We didn't need Martin.

Hey.

French fries.

And they're crispy.

Nope, too busy.

Can't play hockey tonight, okay?

All right.

Zach, I'm really worried. It's been two days and Mosby still hasn't offered me

my job back.

In fact, he started referring to me as the guest in 2330.

What's Mr. Mosby going to do, hire another act?

Excuse me, do you know where the cabaret auditions are?

Auditions?

Never mind.

on long enough. I'm going to find Mosby and sign that original contract. No, no,

no. Can't you see? This is all a show.

He's not going to hire any of these no -talent losers.

No offense.

Especially you.

Here's my card.

Just don't call on a school night.

Well, I'm looking for an agent.

You see, they're coming to me now.

on my Moby Dick book report.

I got a name Minus.

Oh, that's not so bad.

Hello, Minus.

I hope you girls are happy.

We are, because you made us do the project on our own.

Separately, but together, they made french fries.

And one of Daddy's investors thinks we can sell them and make a fortune.

It'll be my first.

So, I guess we did good work together.

What's my cut?

You said you wanted no part of this.

Yeah, you taught us to keep our money, so we will.

before I wind up doing early bird dinner theater in Fort Lauderdale.

It is caving time.

Relax. Good things come to those who wait.

Carrie, a word?

You see?

I am so sorry I didn't get back to you earlier. I've been so busy auditioning

other acts.

Just in case we couldn't reach an agreement. Oh, oh, we'll be able to

agreement. Excuse me, Miss Martin. My name is Kelly Emmett, and I'm the

entertainment director for the Glitz Carlton Hotel. I saw your early show,

think you'd be the perfect headliner for our main room.

Well, I believe I had the floor.

Now, in the interest of closing this deal, I'm willing to offer you an extra

week vacation and a 5 % raise.

Really? Ha!

We at the Glitz are willing to offer you a two weeks vacation and a 20 % raise.

Shh!

Care to counter?

Okay. I guess I could scrape together 22%. That's if I replace Norman the

doorman with a wedge of wood.

We'll double your salary and give you a three -bedroom suite and one -month

vacation per year.

Shut up!

Mr. Mosby, your turn. I'll take it. Take it. Take it. But, Mr. Mosby, you...

Jack, I can't compete with that.

I guess I'm going to have to go with the other act. He's a comedian.

Does the whole thing on airline food. It is hilarious.

Because of the...

Gary, we're going to miss you.

Mom, what have you done?

I just accepted a great job offer and we all get our own bedrooms.

Thank you, Mr. Emmett. Thank you.

That was odd.

Sorry. Guess I forgot to lose that when I took off my clown suit.

Please tell me you didn't do something that's going to make me wish Cody was an

only child.

He's not really from the glitz.

He's my client Bubbles.

Bubbles.

Oh, yeah, I recognize the horn.

He was just supposed to get Mr. Mosby to offer you more.

Did you ever think about, I don't know, letting me in on the plan?

You would have said no.

And wouldn't that have been a shame? considering how well everything went.

Well, I thought I did good.

Shut up.

Now, if you two clowns will excuse me, I'm gonna go beg for my job back.

Well, it helps if you cry.

we'd like to introduce to you our brilliant new comedian.

You'll laugh till you plot.

Buddy King.

Buddy, come on up.

Hey, hey, how you doing, everybody? Great to be here. Hey, don't you love

Tipton? I tell you, it's great to be working in a high -class cabaret. Last

week, I worked in a place that was such a dump, they had a sign on the door that

said, sorry, we're open.

How did I want to take you up on your last offer? You have?

Oh, Carrie, look, the Glitz made you a fabulous offer. I mean, you'd be a fool

not to take it. And call me a fool.

As your friend, I can't let you do this. Yes, you can. No, I can't. Yes, you

can. No, I can't. We love the Tipton and everyone in it. Oh, that is so sweet.

Especially you.

There was no other job offer, was there?

No. The guy from the Glitz is a clown, my son is a goof, and I'm ready to work.

Oh, really?

Well, Carrie, I would love... I'd love to hire you back, but you were asking

way too much.

You're getting snooker fingers in my ears.

Okay, fine.

Forget the raise.

I'll settle for the wardrobe budget.

No, no, no. Not so fast. I made that offer before I found Buddy. He comes

his own clothes and no children.

Besides, he's a big hit. I mean, he really connects with the audience. Last

I was on a plane. They served me broken like a lamb.

That's not funny.

What'd you say?

I said that's not funny. And you stink.

Hey, listen, pal.

Nobody heckles Buddy King.

I just did.

Oh, yeah?

Well, how do you like this punchline?

Oh, dear.

You're right.

He is a hit.

You really connected with that...

I'll give you the wardrobe budget.

You want a piece of me too, Toots?

And an extra week vacation.

Okay, I'm done.

You've been a great crowd.

You can buy my DVD in the lobby.

Mom, great news.

I got you a job.

How do you feel about working with monkeys?

I've got some news for you too. I got my old job back and you're fired.

Well, as your agent or your son?

As my agent.

That was a smart career move.

Hey, Mr. Mosby.

That was a well -fought battle, and I hope there are no hard feelings.

By the way, just in case the Czech singer doesn't work out, I got this

clown act.

Okay, now you're fired as my son, too.

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