Original subtitles

Fill this with candy.

Maddie asked me to send it to her. She's spending a semester with her

Antarctica.

Antarctica is not a person.

It's a consonant.

You mean like ketchup and mustard?

Yeah, that's it.

London, I have news pertaining to your school.

You will no longer be attending classes at Our Lady of Perpetual Sorrow.

You must be part of the No Heiress Left Behind program.

No, you haven't graduated.

You've been expelled.

What could I have done wrong? I hardly ever showed up.

Nevertheless, since you've been kicked out of every private school in Boston,

you will now be attending Chivas High.

But that's a public school.

I can't go there. Public schools are filled with scary...

Exactly my point. Thanks for backing me up.

No, no, no.

Temper, temper.

Isn't fighting what got you kicked out of your last school?

Hey, the lunch lady was asking for it.

Out of matzo ball soup.

Nevertheless, when I agreed to let you stay here for the school year, you

promised me you wouldn't get into any fights.

And I won't.

As long as I get my matzo ball soup.

Why did I get into a public school?

I'll tell you what not to do.

Don't be you.

The whole rich girl snooty thing is not gonna fly.

Gotcha. I'll keep it real.

Don't do that.

I could get a whiplash around here.

Or that one over there.

I know.

All these flyers for extracurriculars.

Chess club.

Robot club.

Ooh, robots who play chess club.

Checkmate.

You're a dork.

No offense.

You know, just because you say no offense doesn't excuse the offensive

that inevitably follows.

Well, in that case...

Offense intended.

Hey, Bob, isn't high school great? Yeah, I got an upper locker, and it's across

from the girls' bathroom.

All right!

Listen, we should all plan to sit together at lunch.

That way, we'll have our own group.

Sorry, I'm gonna sit next to her.

I picked a good day to wear deodorant.

is set.

Well, I guess it's just you and me, Bob.

Sorry, dude.

Now that I'm in high school, I've decided to reinvent myself.

I'm gonna be a jock.

Oh, you were serious.

Mia! This place is horrible.

I had to wait 20 minutes for the parking valet.

The school doesn't have valet parking.

Then who did I give my car to?

out of gas anyway.

And look at this locker. It is way too small.

How much room do you need? It's not like you read books.

See? I need a walk -in locker.

What did I tell you about being all princessy? No one is going to be your

if you continue to act this way.

Excuse me. Would you be my friend?

No. Here's a hundred bucks.

be popular you walk with me in the hallway you listen to me like you care

good oh and you carry my book ah i'm the principal

good then you know where all the classrooms are young lady i have no

of oh that goes right into the school fund

You feel it too.

Okay, I admit you are incredibly cute.

But you're a freshman and I'm a sophomore.

I heard nothing after you are incredibly cute.

Zach, I'm way too old for you.

Oh, age is but a number.

Speaking of numbers, can I have yours?

That is adorable.

Kid.

Not until after we're married.

Excuse me. Would you mind not sitting so close? I don't want to get your

nerdness on my jockness.

No offense.

And yet, I'm offended.

Sorry.

Nerd.

Whatever. I've decided to go another way in high school. This whole bad boy cool

thing is getting old.

It's not as easy as you think.

Do you have any allergies? Any irrational fears?

I have fear of allergies.

It's the minophobia.

Welcome aboard, chief.

Okay, I want you to take out these walls. Those lockers belong to other

students. Not anymore.

I bought them. The corner locker was extra, but it was worth it.

something to you about high school it's a dog eat dog world and i can't be seen

with a little puppy uh don't be fooled behind this puppy dog face deep down

inside i'm a wolf hey why

is your arm around my girlfriend is this your girlfriend and is that

my arm i'm sorry man i really didn't know i'll tell you

I'm gonna have Amanda Arm talk.

What were you thinking?

Here's some place you two can talk.

Privately.

Like who?

able to live with mine.

Hello, London.

Let me go to your science class for you.

Thanks, but you don't look like me. Let me where we're going. You're the guy.

I paid him extra to wear a dress.

I can't believe the princess is having a perfect first day.

This stinks.

That could be the garbage in my underpants.

It's the first day of school.

I did some work over the summer.

I hate you.

I know.

Tony Martin?

Oh, it's an honor to meet you, young man. I've heard great things about you.

Likewise. And I hear you're into ornithology.

You're a fellow bird watcher? Do hummingbirds consume their body weight

nectar every 12 hours?

Hey, you know, this Saturday, a group of the Boston Birdie Buddies are going to

Lake Wabon in search of the blue -footed boobie.

That's on my list.

Would you mind if I tagged along?

I'll bring the peanut butter sandwiches.

Oh, smooth, of course, because... Crunchy would tear the bird!

Brother.

Don't remind me.

Militant? Yes.

I'm Marion Mosby. I would just like to apologize for my niece's behavior.

Uncle Marion, I can explain.

All right, go ahead.

Well, you know, Vance made me mad.

Oh, well, then.

Well, you don't see what had happened. Mr.

Mosby, fancy meeting you here.

You not so fancy.

Wow, I'm here before lunch on the first day. I think that's a record.

And you are?

I'm sorry, I'm Carrie Martin. I'm Cody's mom.

Oh, well, I called you about that. I know. I just like people to know I'm

batting 500.

Mom, it wasn't my fault. Yeah, it was Vance's fault.

Well, where is he?

He is in the nurse's office getting your paint job removed.

You painted a boy?

She was defending me.

So it all goes back to you. Why am I not surprised?

I don't believe we're here because Zach was in a fight. Oh, no, he just started

the fight. Oh, if you want to talk about starting the fight, and I will talk to

you.

Or I will give you detention.

She started it.

Well, if you need any help, just give us a call. Yeah, we'll be in class.

Okay, nice try.

My office.

I don't care if we're on the first floor. I want my locker to have a

Hey, buddy.

Oh, it's my good friend.

What's your name again?

Ellen. I'm the one who listens to your problems and pretends to care.

Well, thank goodness you're here. For starters, please... People don't know

beige from cream.

That is terrible.

What is wrong with you? How could you put this poor girl through this kind of

torture?

No, we don't offer taxidermy as an elective. Now, please. What the?

I know it's hideous, but it'll look a lot better when I put the marble in.

London, what are you doing? You can't just demolish other people's lockers.

Yes, I can.

My office.

No can do.

I'm waiting for the cable guy. They say between one and five, but it's always

five.

I'm sorry how silly of me.

Tell you what, you bring the cable guy and I will give him detention too.

Wipes have you actually been in?

Well, at least none.

But that's because you're only supposed to use your martial arts for self

-defense. That's according to my sensei, Barry Weinstock.

Do you take classes at the Taekwon Deli?

We've been friends for years.

Yeah, well, that was before I was a jock.

You're not a jock.

You get winded when we play video games.

Shh.

Hey, big bad Bob.

Is this nerd bothering you?

Wait.

Didn't I already throw you in the trash?

That was my brother.

By the way, kudos.

What did you call me?

No, uh, kudos is a word meaning congratulations.

From the Greek, kitos meaning.

Praise or renounce? Shut up from the jock. Meaning I'm going to break your

Whoa, whoa, whoa. Easy, Vance.

Okay, yeah, he may be a nerd, but I used to hang with him.

That makes you a nerd.

Uh -oh. Nerd adjacent.

I don't know what you just said, but I think you just insulted me. No, I

Yes, you did. No, I didn't. Yes, you did. No, I didn't.

did I tell you?

Cody?

Oh, hi, Miss Miletic.

You know, I just saw a white -dressed and nut -hatched out the window, and I

wanted to get a better view.

Yeah.

How's this, little buddy?

Perfect, big buddy.

That is so sweet.

Well, why don't you two buddies piggyback it all the way down to my

into the trash on account of me.

Look, I can't be seen talking with you.

Vance is still out there and I still have pudding in my socks.

Zach, you don't have to worry about Vance anymore.

I broke up with him when I realized what a jerk he is.

Oh. Well, you know what they say.

When one door closes, another one opens.

Honey, I'm home.

Don't you see that we could never be?

I'm calculus and you're pre -calculus.

Why bring science into this?

and we just don't add up.

Okay, okay, how about this?

When I'm a sophomore, then we could date.

If you knew your math, you know that that's just one year later, and I'll be

junior.

Okay, then.

There's only two solutions.

Either I've got to skip a grade, or you've got to fail.

I'm a straight -A student.

Hey, I'm a straight -D student.

Maybe you could tutor me sometime.

Something tells me you're not really... interested in studying.

Uh, that's not true. As a matter of fact, you're my favorite subject.

So how about Saturday?

Okay, but we're just going to do schoolwork. Of course, of course.

And the trap snaps shut.

You know, I've never been in the principal's office without getting a

certificate suitable for framing.

Yeah, public school stinks.

He's the only bright spot of my day that Nia's miserable, too.

I just think you're great, Nia. Oh, yeah?

It's about time someone said to Van.

I just know we're going to be the best of friends, definitely. Oh, thanks,

Ellen.

I just realized that if you buy your friends, they're not going to really

you for who you are.

on your first day of school.

Yay, Carpe!

Oh, Cody, Cody, Martin, I am so disappointed in you.

called down here no i got in a fight you mean like a spirited debate

no like a real fight oh no tell me this isn't gonna affect his whole doctor

lawyer in space thing no but he will get a day of detention which if you behave

yourself will not end up on your permanent record thank you thank you

testament to fairness and sensible footwear

The least I could do for a fellow birder, huh?

Carrie,

you're here again?

Should have just carpooled.

We'll work out a schedule later.

What happened?

Well, Miss La -di -da did not attend any of her classes. No, she was too busy

knocking down lockers to build her own personal lounge.

Well, I was going to invite you once I got the sushi bar in. Oh, please, do not

tell me about...

seen what the cafeteria was serving for lunch.

Mashed potatoes and macaroni. Two sergeants. Shame on you.

Excusez -moi. Next time I'll have Le Chef defrost something more appetizing.

That's all I ask.

Principal Militich, I'm sorry. I am certain that Cody will never have

again. I make no promises about Zach.

You'll be seeing plenty of him. Hey, you're two for two today, too, Toots.

watch the Toots. I didn't come down here to be a dog. I've had them since they

were infants.

I've had enough of you two.

Now sit.

I hope you're really proud of yourself. Sit!

Quiet!

How many times have I told you? This was nothing but trouble. Shut it!

you again.

I just want to say I'm sorry.

I don't want to be a jerk anymore.

What do you want to be? Your boyfriend.

Say what?

The way you stood up to me was awesome.

And I think you're really cute.

Oh, thanks.

So, this is detention.

Serves me right.

I took a dark path, which led to anger and violence.

I'm ashamed.

Yeah, you jumped on a guy's back.

Quick, call a cop.

Mark, what are you even doing here?

I didn't have anything better to do.

I do.

I should be out buying cologne for my study date with Amber this Saturday.

I thought she was unattainable.

I tanned her.

High school is a roller coaster.

Sure, it has its ups and downs.

But now we're all together in one place.

Detention. You, me, Nia, and London.

Yay, me!

I see you came prepared.

Oh, yeah, I never come to detention without bringing something to do.

Last year, thanks to Zach, I knitted 32 sweaters and a napkin.

This year, I'm rhinestoning.

Do you push... Just right on the... Oh!

Sorry, Miss Miletic.

I will see you two tomorrow.

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