Original subtitles

Will you drop me off at the mall, Mom?

I want to get those cool new sneakers with the TV screens in the tulips.

Ooh, I want those.

Will you buy them for me, Mommy?

No, I won't, Zachy.

Well, now that you're done with summer school, why don't you try getting a job

like Cody has?

Mr. Mosby, can I have a job? No.

Well, I tried.

Yes, you must be exhausted.

Hey, uh, Zach, if you, uh, need a job, I need a left -hand man.

Don't you mean right -hand man?

Not this week.

Not the best way to stop a revolving door.

Ouchie!

Now I need a right -hand man.

My favorite shade is Kiss Me Charcoal.

Thanks. I'll pass.

Oh, come on. They just cleaned up the lake.

You could swim in it now without going blind.

I'm more worried about drowning.

I can't swim.

Really? You never told me you couldn't swim. Well, it never came up. Every time

I've been in the water, there was a yacht under me.

But you have a line of Simply Lennon swimsuits.

That's why I need you to keep it quiet. If the tabloids hear about it, seal it.

Don't worry. Your secret is safe with me.

Here you go, sweetie. I packed you a little lunchbox.

Please. Working men don't have their mothers packing lunch for them.

Yes! Snickerdoodles! Thank you, Mother.

Hey, Erwin. Reporting for duty.

Hey, is that...

I would have gotten you flowers.

Here.

Have some wrenches.

Well, I'll just go put them in some water.

So, the sooner we get started, the sooner I get paid.

Well, you couldn't have picked a better first day. Why? Is that a holiday?

No.

Today's the day that we get to unclog the central garbage disposal.

fish of the day.

And that day was three or four weeks ago.

Come on, I'll let you insert.

I think that's all of it.

I think it's got a second wind.

Owner of overpriced swimsuit line can't swim?

You don't know how to swim?

Well,

it's just one of those things I never felt important to learn.

Like the alphabet.

Why don't you learn now?

Nah, I mean, you really only use it for stupid stuff like reading and writing.

I meant the swimming thing. If you learn how, this problem goes away.

Lance, can you teach London how to swim?

Sure, but I'm going to need some water.

to admit that selling that story about London to the tabloids was genius?

No. Genius was using the money to order this duck a la ronde.

I'm a vegetarian.

Here, eat the la ronde.

Well, they hit a new low at the mess hall.

Leech cobbler.

Hey, where'd you get all this good food?

Leah's parents mailed it.

Uh -huh.

You know, Leah, it's amazing your parents would do this for you after you

testified against them.

They're full of love.

Look, I know you girls are up to something. And I am going to get to the

of... Oh, is that creme brulee?

No. I'm so suspicious.

London, are you ready for your swimming lesson?

What was your voice?

London, are you ready for your swimming lesson?

Look, I don't want people to know I can't swim.

Whoa. Rich people have big bathtubs.

It's a pool.

I had it installed for our lessons.

Now stop being so silly. This is a serious matter.

Let's go.

Nice hat. You look like a dork. Nice smell. You reek like a fish.

before I came here.

Wow, that's more than you take in a month.

Don't push me, box boy.

I've been to the edge of the abyss and back. You can't imagine the things I've

seen, the things I've done.

Hey, I just ironed this apron.

Oh, poor you with your cushy job.

I'd give anything to work with food that hasn't already been digested.

Are you supposed to be at work now?

Well, I needed a break, so I came here to buy more blech.

It's pronounced bleach, I -O -1.

Hey, hey, hey, slow down.

I'm not ready to go back to Arwen yet.

I'm going to hang out, eat a little snack, maybe see what's on TV.

Oh, hey, let's see what's on Sneaker Vision.

Cody,

why are you out of uniform?

I'm not Cody.

Are you some sort of alien replicant?

We're twins.

Oh, both of you?

I thought my boss was a goofball.

In the good way.

Hey, Cody. I just fired Gilbert.

You know anyone looking for a job?

Stupid black.

Nope. No one comes to mind.

Ducky's afraid.

Don't be a chicken, Ducky.

Hey, you'll be fine.

No, help! Help!

I'm drowning!

I'm drowning! Hey, you're no friend of mine!

London! London! Just stand up!

Lance! You saved my life!

That's what I do.

Now that you trust me to take care of you, you don't need Ducky anymore,

I guess not.

But will you make quack -quack sounds when I feed your head?

I'll try.

Why don't we work on your back float? No, I'm afraid.

Just relax. I'll hold you.

Wow, this is kind of nice.

Almost like I'm floating.

You are.

And if you'd move, you'd be swimming.

I was about to file a missing little person's report.

Well, I got sidetracked at the market.

Do you know chickpeas don't come from chickens?

Oh, come on. Next thing you're going to tell me crab apples don't come from

crabs.

You know, I'm not sure, but I can go back to the market and ask Cody. No, no,

no, no, no. I still have much to teach you.

An engineer must be vigilant.

He must be aware of everything that's going on around him. He must know his

hotel. like a man knows the woman he loves, even though she's too busy with

nightclub actions.

story to the global inquirer i was abducted by aliens yeah too bad they

back good news girls cabin four escaped last night so we get pillows

hello natty oh hey

linden i've got a big problem i almost kissed this hot guy he works for the

hotel oh you're in love with a tipped employee

he just went to the market. He'll be back soon.

Yeah, he just left, um, about, uh, three hours ago.

Market's around the corner.

Well, he probably just got stuck in that revolving door. I know I do.

Or maybe he's taking advantage of you.

Oh, no, no, no, no. He just has a tendency to be a little tardy and leave

and not work when he's here.

Arwen, you're his boss. You need to lay down the law.

You're right.

Zach needs to know who's in charge.

Okay, I really need to fix this leak.

Oh, here, try this.

Minty.

Okay,

let's start with the breath stroke.

This is how your arms should move.

Can you help me?

Okay. Here.

Just go like this.

Try it like this.

All right? Just, you know, stay back and, uh... Okay, you know what? I think

we've done enough swimming for today.

what you do is you pinch the nose. Yeah.

Tilt the head back. Oh, just kiss me, you fool.

No. Okay, this is wrong.

No, you're doing great.

I mean, you and me.

Won't your boyfriend be upset?

What boyfriend?

The Global Enquirer says you're in love with one of your employees.

How do they find out these things?

So it's true.

Is it the waiter with the big bicep and the buzz cut?

No. It's the lifeguard.

With the dreamy eyes and curly brown hair.

I hate that guy.

It's you.

Oh, cool.

Here you go, Arwen.

Here's your tape.

The market was out, so I just kind of grabbed some from your office. Thank

goodness.

I can finally put my arm down.

Okay, that's not working.

Okay,

okay, then.

I guess if that's all you need, I'm just going to be on my way.

Oh, no, no, not so fast, young man.

You and I need to have a serious talk.

Now, your work has been slightly shy of excellent.

Okay, Arwen.

You know what?

Maybe I have been slacking off a bit. Oh, no, no, no. No, no, no, no. You have

been slacking off the perfect amount.

I mean, sure, it would be nice if you could occasionally hand me a wrench.

Curse my acid tongue!

You know what, Arwen? You make a point.

How about today I stay for a full hour?

You are the greatest.

I'll tell you what. Why don't you just change this pool filter and take the

of the day off and try to forget about my ruthless tirade?

you'll excuse me.

I'm gonna go, uh, sign up for some anger management classes.

All righty.

Oh, ah, a paper cut.

Well, I can't let this get infected, so I better run over to the market and get

a bandage.

Wow, this one's a sifting gossip thing? is the gold mine. No kidding. We sell

one more story about her and we can afford this hot tub.

Hey, guys.

Where's my bunk?

I carried it down to the lake.

Do you like Arnie's sofa?

Well, yes. It actually... Where'd the TV come from?

Did you guys rob a bank during that time?

You're the last person I'm going to believe. Miss, I hung out with the Loch

Monster.

Well, this is true.

We betrayed your friendship with London by selling your secrets to the Global

Enquirer.

Now you choose to tell the truth?

Yeah. And it feels kind of good.

I can't believe you leaked London's secrets to the press.

I mean, it's despicable. It's heinous.

It's her.

Hey, London.

Look, I had nothing to do with it.

Because of your advice, everything has worked out between me and Lance.

You're dating Fishboy?

Yes, and we're happy as clam.

I mean, before people rip them out of their shells and dip them in sauce.

I'm so happy for you, but there's something you should know.

Hot tub!

God, sure.

Karaoke machine.

What I'm trying to say is... You know, Maddie, you could have a boyfriend, too.

If you ever did something with that rat's mouth to call a hair.

Now, what did you want to say?

That you can always confide in me.

So, tell me all about you and Fishboy.

Write this down.

I can't go into the big pool. Other people have been in that water. It's got

poor people germs.

Don't worry, we have a filter.

Poor people germs can't afford to get through.

Okay, but do you promise to jump in and give me mouth to mouth?

You won't need rescuing.

Who cares?

I've never seen someone take four hours just to buy a bandage.

Well, I wanted to make the right choice. There was waterproof, extra adhesive,

antibacterial. You went with the ones with little puppies on them.

This one has little nurses at it.

Yeah. Well, shouldn't you be getting back to work?

No. I can't take it anymore.

I wish they were hiring where you work.

Yeah. You and me both.

Well, I gotta go. My favorite show is on.

Chunky McWilliams.

Oh, I did it again.

Oh, that Chunky.

Hey, partner.

Have any problems changing that filter?

Filter?

You didn't do it?

If that filter isn't changed in time, the entire plumbing system will get

up into the...

responsible for that?

Arwen, who is responsible for that?

I am, Mr. Mosby. I forgot to replace the filter. Well, fix it, and you will pay

for the damages.

And you'll be receiving a bill for my dry cleaner, and my facialist, and my

dirty ducky.

Isn't she hot when she's hot?

Look, Arwen, thanks for taking the blame for me, man. I promise tomorrow that...

You know what, just...

Don't talk to me anymore.

It was bizarre, Mother. I went to clean the pool, and it was already clean.

Sparkling, even. You know, like when I wax your head before you put your wig

Actually, Arwen, I cleaned the pool.

Hold on, Mother. By yourself?

Mother, I have to go. Uh -huh.

Macaroni and cheese with the smiley faces.

And I also told Mr.

Mosby the sludge was my fault.

And don't worry about the damages.

Every cent is coming out of my mom's paycheck.

Well, thanks, buddy. It takes a big man to give up his mother's money to help a

friend.

Anyway, I'm really sorry.

Apology accepted.

Now, let's get back to work.

Actually, Owen, I think you should fire me. What? Are you kidding?

Today's the day we get to scrape the bird droppings off the roof. Oh, I don't

think I deserve to have that much fun.

Sure you do.

Oh, I forgot my dirty birdie scraper at home.

Well, I guess we'll just have to use our hands.

No!

Whoa.

Check out this. week's Global Inquirer.

London Tipton dating fish boy.

What? She won't date me, but she'll date someone with gills?

Hey there, buddy.

Are you getting taller?

Well, actually... Can I borrow some money?

No. You have a job.

I'm not really working for Arwen anymore.

If he asks, I move to Lake Tanaka.

Excuse me.

Where's the bread?

In aisle two.

But I'd stalk you and Al for it, because that's where we keep the hot tamales.

Smooth. How did you know all that?

Well, I guess I spent so much time hiding here from Arwen that I picked up

things. Very impressive.

If you want a job, you've got one here.

Really? I accept.

Great! We finally filled that position that's been open all week.

All week?

I know your twin was looking for a job.

Yeah, I can't believe it either.

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