Original subtitles

[dramatic music playing]

Come on, come on, man.

Both: Oh, no, no! Yeah!

All right, man!

What are you guys watching?

It's this game show called risk it all.

It's where you win stuff, then--

You risk it all?

You've seen it?

Just took a shot.

Host: Whoo! Ok, kevin, johnny,

Do you wanna keep the prizes you've already won, or...

Audience, zack, and cody: Risk it all!

We'll risk it all, jerry.

Yeah, risk it all.

Ok.

Sodium chloride is what common household item?

So easy. Salt.

Um, toothpaste?

Toothpaste?

Ooh! Sorry, no. It's salt.

[audience groans]

Man, if we went on that game show,

We could win the grand prize in no time.

I mean, you got every question right.

Yeah, I did.

And the physical challenges,

Well, I could handle those with my friends thunder and...

Well, I haven't named this one yet.

Mom, they pick contestants right out of the studio audience.

Can we go? Huh?

Yeah, can we? Huh?

Oh, guys, I don't know. It'd be a whole day,

And I'm pretty busy, what with--

Well, the grand prize is a trip to hawaii.

How about tomorrow?

All right! All right!

Ai yi yi! Ai yi yi!

Hey ey ey ey!

I'll go make dinner now.

♪ here I am in your life ♪

♪ here you are in mine ♪

♪ yes, we have a suite life ♪

♪ most of the time ♪

♪ you and me, we got the world to see ♪

♪ so come on down ♪

♪ just me and you know what to do ♪

♪ so come on down ♪

♪ it's you and me and me and you ♪

♪ we got the whole place to ourselves ♪

♪ you and me, we got it all for free ♪

♪ so come on down ♪

♪ this is the suite life ♪

♪ we've got a suite life ♪

Captioning made possible by abc cable networks group

Ahh! What...

And where might you be going?

Home.

I'm going to the revolving door.

It is so much fun.

You're not going anywhere, young lady.

Look at your stock.

The oldest candy should be in front.

These expiration dates are completely willy-nilly.

And you think it's silly to be willy-nilly.

[both laugh]

Maddie: That's so funny.

I didn't think it was funny either, sir.

Well, you are staying here, madeline,

And rearranging these confections.

And, you,

[stammers] you need to be doing

Whatever it is you're not doing right now!

That is a lot of things.

I don't know where to start.

Man, he is such a pain.

He's a meanie-bo-beanie.

We really shouldn't have to take this.

I agree.

After all, there are some things

That are beneath our dignity.

Moseby: Esteban, scrape the gum off mrs. Hamilton's shoe!

Coming, sir!

You guys look great.

Both, as elvis: Thank you.

Thank you very much.

Ok, now remember, the further you go,

The rder the game gets,

So if one of us wants to quit,

Then we quit, and we don't risk it all. Deal?

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Real, "yeah, yeah, yeah,"

Or, "stop talking to me. I'll do whatever I want. Yeah, yeah, yeah"?

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

If you guys are gonna work together as a team,

You gotta listen to each other.

Both: Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Announcer: All right, kids,

Let's give a big risk it all welcome

To your favorite host, jerry barns.

[cheering]

Yeah. Whoo! Great job, kids.

Ha ha ha ha!

You all look like freaks.

[all laughing]

He's gotta pick us. I know he's going to pick us.

Who else would dress as twin elvises?

Those two over there.

We need to get his attention.

Well, I can do birdcalls.

Hey, jerry,

Ever heard a grassland yellow finch?

Buh-caw! Buh-caw!

Buh-bye! Buh-bye!

[laughter]

Yeah.

I meant something not lame.

Hey, jerry, we're willing to risk it all.

Yeah.

[laughter]

Wow! Well, hey, like your pants,

Why don't you come on down?

Ohh! Ohh!

Aah!

[laughter]

What ya doing?

I'm composing an irate letter to mr. Moseby

In an effort to expunge my inner angst

And achieve emotional catharsis.

What ya doing?

Typing.

Oh. Heh.

Esteban!

I wrote a letter to mr. Moseby

Telling him what an inconsiderate jerk he is,

And you know, I feel a whole lot better,

I will miss you, maddie.

Can I have your locker?

No, I'm not gonna send the e-mail.

I was just venting my feelings.

Oh. Did you call him a meanie-bo-beanie?

Meanie-bo-beanie-slowvenie.

Here. Take a look before I delete it.

[chime]

Wait. Where's my e-mail?

Oh, the one to moseby? I e-mailed it to him.

You what?!

Well, I had to check my website,

And the letter was in the way,

So I pressed the little sendy button.

[gasps] mr. Moseby wasn't supposed to see the letter!

Well, who writes a letter that's not supposed to be sended?

[scoffs] and you call me dumb.

Maddie will get fired and live out her life poor and alone.

She's already poor.

Not alone. I mentioned your name, too.

[gasps]

Ooh! You guys are in trouble.

Hey, we have got to delete that e-mail before moseby reads it.

Ok.

Moseby: No, no--oh. Oh. For the love of pete,

Would you--mother, for the millionth time,

I will get married when I'm good and ready.

No, I don't want to meet the woman who waxes your lip.

Mr. Moseby!

Can't you see I'm on an important phone call?

Good-bye.

I wuv you, too, mommy.

Mr. Moseby, there's an emergency.

What is it?

Flood! Fire! Rats!

Don't just sit there!

Uh, there's a wet rat on fire

Running from the basement to the roof!

Run, man! Run!

It's so big! Go!

Ok, london, go keep lookout.

For what? For mr. Moseby.

He just left.

And we wanna know when he comes back.

Go! Ok.

Ok. Ok, ok.

All I need to do is delete my e-mail.

Oh, and I need a password.

Ohh. Oh, maybe it's "esteban is the most handsome employee in the hotel."

Why would it be that?

Because it is true.

Maybe he wrote it down here somewhere.

Oh, check the drawer.

Ok.

Ohh! It's stuck.

Here. I'll get it.

Unh! Oh, jeez.

Oww!

Aah!

Ooh! You guys are in trouble.

[risk it all music playing]

Yeah!

Hey, everybody, and welcome back to...

Audience: Risk it all!

Wow! Wow! Great crowd.

I'd take you all out for dinner after the show,

But you all look like freaks! Ha ha ha ha!

[laughter]

Jerry: Yeah.

Ok, please help me welcome zack and cody martin.

[cheering]

Whoo!

Let's get started.

The first category is geography.

Tom, tell 'em what they're playing for.

Tom: The sheer joy of competition.

Kidding. It's a new hi-definition dvd player.

Now, remember, I'll handle all the questions,

And you just get ready for the physical stuff.

Our first challenge is countries around the world.

What country has just a red circle on its flag?

Japan.

Correct.

[laughs]

[cheering]

Ok, now it's time for the physical challenge.

Step this way, zack.

Hel-lo.

You know, I'm about to hit my growth spurt.

[sighs]

Whoo! Ok, zack.

You've got 60 seconds to pass under that archway

And deliver this plate of sushi

To our lovely japanese maiden.

Zack: Easy.

But first you have to get past our hungry sumo wrestler.

[crowd gasps]

Aaaahh!

Ready?

Not really.

Too bad. Ha ha ha ha!

Sayonara.

[audience yelling]

[audience groans]

Here you go, big boy.

Want some sushi?

Go get it!

[cheering]

[bell dings]

Yeah! Yeah!

Ok, terrific job, zack.

You're a freak.

[bell dings] come on.

Man, freak.

All right,

Your next category is sports.

Great. I know sports.

Yeah, but remember, I'm the smart one.

And the annoying one.

[laughter]

Tom, tell us what the next prize is.

Well, jerry, it's a wide screen plasma tv.

Wow. Ohh.

Ok, you guys wanna call it quits and keep what you have

Or go for the tv and...

Audience: Risk it all!

[cheering]

Both: We'll risk it all.

Jerry: Ok, next question,

In baseball, who holds the record

For the longest consecutive game hitting streak?

Joe dimaggio.

Correct.

[cheering]

That's what I'm talking about.

What are you doing?

Well, I answered the question.

See? You're not the only smart one.

Yeah, but now I'm the one who has to do the physical challenge.

Oh.

Maybe you are the only smart one.

All right, since your brother answered the question,

You're up to bat.

Uhh. Really, my brother is much better at sports.

I have astigmatism.

Then this'll be almost impossible.

[laughter]

You can do it, honey!

[cheering]

He can't do it.

All right, it's opening day at fenway park,

And you have 60 seconds to hit a home run through this hole.

Here's your ball.

Oh, that looks easy.

And here's your bat.

Oh, that looks dif

Here comes the pitch.

[cheering]

Carey: Come on! Hit that!

[audience groans]

Come on, f-flip the bat around.

Flip it arou-- there you go.

[air escaping]

[bell dings]

Yeah!

Whoo! Ho ho! All right!

You guys have won a hi-def dvd player and a plasma tv.

Your next category is literature.

Ooh. My favorite.

Who cares? Ha ha!

[laughter]

What's the next prize we have to offer, thomasito?

Tom: Well, jerrycito, if the boys win the next round,

They get 2 all-terrain vehicles.

Are you kidding me?!

Those better come with helmets.

Tom: And 2 helmets.

All right, then.

So, guys, are you

Gonna leave with your loot or...

Audience: Risk it all!

[cheering]

We'll risk it all.

Yeah, risk it all, baby.

Ok. Tom sawyer was written by mark twain.

Ooh, did you know his real name is samuel clemens?

What was his real name?

Oh. Would you let me do my job?

[cheering]

Ok, one of the books mark twain wrote

Was a connecticut yankee in king arthur's court--

A time of brave knights, stone castles,

And drafty bathrooms.

[laughter]

But instead of rescuing a fair maiden,

You're jousting her.

Audience: Ooh!

Look, man, I can't fight a girl.

Yaah!

Yeah!

But this girl's a freak. Ha ha ha ha!

The object is-- is to get past her and grab that flag.

Goeth.

Heh. Goeth.

[audience cheering]

Yeah!

Get up!

Come on, come on, come on, come on!

Here we go.

Carey: Come on.

Whoo!

Hey, look, orlando bloom.

Where?

"yeah!" yourself.

No, it's still wrong. I'm telling you,

It was afro, fade, jheri curl.

Where do the dreadlocks go?

[jamaican accent] right there, mon.

Why am I standing out here again?

Because you're being a lookout for mr. Moseby.

Well, why would I look for him when he's standing right here?

Hide!

Ohh!

Go.

No vacancy!

Moseby: Irene, cancel that call to the exterminator.

London? What are you doing in my office?

Praying.

And here you are.

You answered my prayers.

Eh, eh. You know what? I did not appreciate

Being sent on that wild-goose chase.

It was rats, not gooses.

[groans]

The very idea.

There are no rats at the tipton.

[chitters]

[tapping fingers as a scuttling rat]

Ohh!

Rats! Filthy vermin!

[screams]

Oh, look. He logged in.

Ok, retrieving e-mail.

And now...

Deleting e-mail.

Oh, I am delighting in your deleting.

Oh, yay! We're safe.

Aah!

Ohh.

Ok, let's go before he realizes we are here.

Gh [slams]

Ok, it was afro, fade, jheri curl.

Right.

[pig squealing]

Nice job, zack.

You got that pig dressed with one second to spare,

You freak. Ha ha.

Yeah, putting her into the hat was no problem.

It was the pantyhose, really.

Yeah, I know.

[squeals] oh, ok.

That pig's a freak. Ok.

All right, guys, this is what you've won so far--

A dvd player, a plasma tv,

Mountain bikes, a.T.V.S,

Season tickets to the red sox,

And a pair of matching jet skis.

Ha ha ha ha! Tom, tell them what the next prize is.

Tom: It's a trip for you and your family to hawaii.

[gasping]

I've always wanted to go to hawaii.

They'll be staying at the malalaka aki hali hotel,

Overlooking mount halawaki wana nama.

Well, how about it, guys?

Are you feeling wana naki lucky?

[laughter]

Unh!

Or do you wanna keep your stuff and go home?

Well, we've won a lot of stuff,

And I'm too tired to do another physical challenge.

Maybe we should stop.

What are you talking about?

We're doing great.

Hey, you're not the one

Who had to wrestle a squealing pig into a girdle.

Yeah, but what about all this great stuff we won?

Ohh, I love stuff.

So, guys, what are you gonna do,

Go home or...

Risk it all!

[grunts]

I hate to say it, jerry, but--

We're gonna risk it all!

Slling.

See? I'm great at spelling.

Well, you better be, because your word is "tyrannosaurus."

I got it.

T-y-r-a-n-n-o-s-a-u-r-u-s.

Tyrannosaurus.

That's right.

[cheering]

Ok, then, zack, all you gotta do

To win the trip to hawaii

Is spell the word "dog."

D-o-g. Dog.

Aloha.

Uh, no-ha.

Ha ha ha ha ha ha!

Man. Follow me, though.

No, you've gotta spell "dog" top-down using these giant letters.

You have to stack them on top of that doghouse

Without tripping over these obstacles.

Ha ha ha ha ha ha!

It's so confusing.

Good luck.

[cheering]

[yipping]

Hurry! Hurry!

You got it!

You can sleep in hawaii!

Ohh!

Ooh, sorry. You spelled "og."

Ice try. Ha ha ha ha!

I mean, yeah!

You risked it all, and you lost it all.

[laughter]

Don't be too sad.

We have a fabulous consolation prize.

Tell them what they get, tom.

Tom: It's a 2-night hotel package

At the luxurious...

Yeah? Yeah?

Boston tipton.

No. No.

London: Don't look now, but here comes moseby.

Maddie: London, we are not on lookout anymore.

On lookout for what?

You'll notice that the expiration dates are in order,

Just as you asked.

Oh. So you didn't feel my request was unreasonable?

Absolutely not.

Or a waste of your valuable time?

Absolutely not.

And, esteban,

You don't feel I've been a bit hard on you lately?

Absolutely not.

You know, a bit of a...

Meanie-bo-beanie-slowvenie?

The slowvenie part was hers, not mine.

Ah.

Wait. How did you know about that e-mail?

Not before I read it we deleted ion my cellphone.

And what do you mean you deleted it?

Well, they snuck into your office.

I was lookout.

Mr. Moseby, I never meant to send that e-mail.

I was just venting my feelings,

And then I was gonna delete it.

So you never meant to send it?

Of course not.

That would be disrespectful.

Well, that does make it a little better.

I really am sorry.

Me, too.

In the future, if either one of you

Feel I have done something that is unfair,

Please just come and talk to me.

And if you ever sneak into my office again,

Your jobs will reach their expiration date.

Understood.

It will never happen again, mr. Moseby.

And by the way,

It's afro, jheri curl, then fade.

I'm rich.

I can't believe we lost all that great stuff

Because you decided to get greedy.

I know, I know.

Guys, I'm sorry.

[as elvis] I ain't nothin' but a loser.

Honey, no, you're not.

It was just a game show.

And so you didn't win the trip to hawaii,

Where I've always dreamed of going,

Lying on the beach, with sun on my face,

Listening to the sound of the waves.

Oh, I wanted that trip so bad!

[sobbing]

Don't cry, little lady.

You're gettin' tears on my blue suede shoes.

Forget it. She's gonna be crying all night.

We're never gonna get any sleep.

Hey, didn't we win a free room in this hotel?

[as jerry] that's right, codycito,

You freak.

Race you down to the front desk.

Sure. Ohh!

[sobbing]

Ow!

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