Original subtitles

I'M SURE I LEFT MY SKATEBOARD HERE SOMEWHERE.

YOU GUYS REALLY NEED TO START KEEPING BETTER TRACK OF YOUR THINGS.

I SPEND GOOD MONEY ON YOUR TOYS.

YOU GOT OUR SKATEBOARDS AT A GARAGE SALE.

FOR A QUARTER.

WHICH WAS A QUARTER TOO MUCH,

CONSIDERING YOU LOST IT.

I DIDN'T LOSE ANYTHING.

I THINK.

OK, I CAME IN THROUGH THE FRONT DOOR,

SKATED DOWN THE RAMP AND OVER MOSEBY'S TOES.

WHAT?

SAID I WAS SORRY,

AND HE STARTED TO YELL, SO I DID A QUICK UEY

AND I DUCKED DOWN BEHIND THE CANDY COUNTER.

EXCUSE ME.

WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

WE'RE LOOKING FOR ZACK'S SKATEBOARD.

DADDY, LOOK OUT!

WHOA!

FOUND IT.

♪ HERE I AM IN YOUR LIFE ♪

♪ HERE YOU ARE IN MINE ♪

♪ YES, WE HAVE A SUITE LIFE ♪

♪ MOST OF THE TIME ♪

♪ YOU AND ME, WE GOT THE WORLD TO SEE ♪

♪ SO COME ON DOWN ♪

♪ JUST ME AND YOU KNOW WHAT TO DO ♪

♪ SO COME ON DOWN ♪

♪ IT'S YOU AND ME AND ME AND YOU ♪

♪ WE GOT THE WHOLE PLACE TO OURSELVES ♪

E, WE GOT IT ALL FOR FREE ♪

♪ SO COME ON DOWN ♪

♪ THIS IS THE SUITE LIFE ♪

♪ WE'VE GOT A SUITE LIFE ♪

Esteban: OH, MY GOODNESS.

ARE YOU ALL RIGHT, DADDY?

YOU FELL REALLY HARD. I HOPE YOU DIDN'T BREAK A BONE.

WELL, IF I DID, HONEY,

I HOPE THE HOTEL DOESN'T CHARGE ME WITH ENTERING AND BREAKING.

THANK YOU.

I'M HARRY.

HI. I'M CAREY.

I'M HOLLY.

SORRY TO BLOW THE WHOLE RHYME THING.

I SWEAR I LEFT MY SKATEBOARD

OVER NEAR THE CANDY COUNTER.

I KNOW. MAYBE THOSE LITTLE ELVES MOVED IT.

YOU KNOW. THE SAME ONES THAT SPILLED THE SODA IN MY HAT.

AND WHO BROKE MY JUNIOR MICROSCOPE.

AND USED MY PANTYHOSE AS A SLINGSHOT.

YEAH, THOSE ELVES SURE ARE RASCALLY.

BUT THEY'RE CUTE.

SIR, ARE YOU ALL RIGHT?

WHAT HAPPENED?

WHY DO YOU ALWAYS LOOK AT ME?

FORCE OF HABIT.

WHAT WAS IT, THE RASCALLY ELVES?

COME ON, NOW, DON'T BLAME THE LAD.

THOSE LITTLE ELVES USED TO GET ME IN A LOT OF TROUBLE WHEN I WAS A KID.

BUT, SIR, LET ME GET YOU A DOCTOR.

NO, NO, NO. REALLY, I'M OK.

I JUST NEED TO CHECK IN AND LAY DOWN. UH!

THAT'S AS FAR AS I CAN GO.

OH, WELL, FORTUNATELY, THE CARPET HAS A LOVELY PATTERN.

YEAH, YEAH.

BY THE WAY, LOVE THE SHOES.

THANK YOU.

ARE YOU SURE THERE'S NOTHING I CAN DO FOR YOU?

WELL, NOW THAT YOU MENTION IT,

I'D LOVE A ROOM WITH A VIEW.

DONE.

UH! I CAN'T MAKE IT.

THE ROOM WILL BE FREE.

NOW I CAN MAKE IT.

LOOK, I'M TELLING YOU, MR. MOSEBY.

I DID NOT LEAVE MY SKATEBOARD THERE.

DO YOU THINK I'D FORGET WHERE I LEFT MY OWN SKATEBOARD?

WHOA!

YOU FOUND IT.

THIS WHOLE THING IS SO UNFAIR.

I KNOW I LEFT THAT SKATEBOARD BY THE CANDY COUNTER.

I JUST DON'T SEE HOW IT GOT TO THE OTHER SIDE OF THE ROOM.

HI, ZACK. HI, KID WHO LOOKS LIKE ZACK.

ACTUALLY, I PREFER CODY.

THAT LOOKS LIKE FUN.

WHAT DO YOU HAVE TO DO? SHOOT THE LITTLE MONSTERS?

YEP. AND YOU NEED TO WATCH OUT FOR THE--

[WHIRRING]

EVIL SPACE MONKEY.

I WISH I COULD PLAY, BUT I DON'T HAVE ANY MONEY.

OH, THAT'S OK, LITTLE GIRL.

I'LL LEND YOU SOME MONEY

AND TEACH YOU HOW TO PLAY, TOO.

PLEASE. WHO'S GONNA TEACH YOU?

SHE SHOULD LEARN FROM A PRO.

STEP ASIDE.

YOU'RE GROUNDED, REMEMBER?

THIS ISN'T FOR FUN.

I'M TEACHING THE LITTLE GIRL A NEW SKILL.

LET'S CALL IT "TUTORING."

OR WE CAN CALL IT "DISOBEYING MOM."

OK, NOW, YOU GRAB THE CONTROLLER,

AND AS SOON AS YOU SEE THE SIMIANS, START SHOOTING.

THIS IS REALLY HARD. I'LL NEVER BE AS GOOD AS YOU.

JUST KEEP TRYING. YOU'LL GET THE HANG OF IT.

[WHIRRING]

DON'T FEEL BAD.

THAT MONKEY'S REALLY DEVIOUS.

I JUST FEEL BAD THAT YOU'RE WASTING ALL YOUR MONEY ON ME.

PLEASE. DON'T WORRY ABOUT THE MONEY.

CAN I HAVE ANOTHER BUCK?

LISTEN. WHY DON'T WE HAVE A PLAY-OFF GAME?

AND IF YOU WIN,

I'LL GET DADDY TO PAY YOU DOUBLE WHAT YOU'VE LOANED ME.

BUT IF I WIN, WHICH IS LIKE IMPOSSIBLE,

THEN YOU PAY ME. OK?

THAT SOUNDS FAIR.

NO, IT'S NOT.

YOU KNOW YOU'RE GOING TO WIN.

YOU'RE SUCKERING A LITTLE GIRL OUT OF HER MONEY.

HER DAD'S MONEY.

AND IT'S HIS FAULT I'M IN TROUBLE.

WELL, I CAN'T WATCH THIS.

I DON'T WANT YOU, TOO.

WOW, HOLLY. YOU'RE DOING REALLY WELL.

TAKE THAT, EVIL SPACE MONKEY.

I DID IT. I WON. YOU'RE AN AWESOME TUTOR.

YEAH. I GUESS SO.

THANKS, ZACK.

YOU'RE MY BEST FRIEND IN THE WHOLE WORLD.

AND DON'T FORGET. YOU OWE ME 40 BUCKS.

THESE BROWNIES ARE FABULOUS.

WHERE DID YOU LEARN TO BAKE LIKE THIS?

CHEAP CHARLIE'S.

YOU GET 'EM FREE WHEN YOU BUY SNOW TIRES.

OOH, OOH, OOH! IT HURTS TO LAUGH.

I THINK MAYBE NOW I SHOULD ALTERNATE WITH THE HEAT THING.

THEY SAY YOU SHOULD DO THAT.

YEAH.

OH!

AH! SORRY.

[KNOCKING]

ALL RIGHT, OK. GOT IT.

HI.

OK.

GOOD MORNING, MR. O'NEIL.

A LITTLE GIFT FROM THE TIPTON.

WHY DID WE HAVE TO GIVE HIM ALL THE HEAVY FRUITS?

WHAT'S WRONG WITH A BANANA AND A HANDFUL OF RAISINS?

JUST PUT IT DOWN. IT'S NOT THAT HEAVY.

OH! HEY!

OHH!

I OK.

WELL, I HOPE YOU ARE FEELING BETTER.

OH, I AM. AS GOOD AS--OOH!

OOH.

OOH.

OHH!

PERHAPS A FREE DAY AT THE TIPTON SPA

MIGHT HELP EASE YOUR PAIN.

SOON YOU'LL BE RELAXED FROM YOUR NOSE TO YOUR TOES.

YES, AND ON YOUR WAY CHECKING OUT OF THE HOTEL,

SPREADING THE GOOD WORD ABOUT THE TIPTON.

OH, YOU CAN COUNT ON THAT.

YEAH, THAT'S WHY I TOLD MY DOCTOR I WOULDN'T CALL MY LAWYER.

LA--

LAW--LA--LAW--

WELL, YOU KNOW LAWYERS.

SOMEBODY ALWAYS HAS TO BE RESPONSIBLE.

DID I MENTION THAT ESTEBAN IS AVAILABLE TO YOU 24/7?

THAT'S RIGHT. I ALL YOURS, SIR.

24 MINUTES OUT OF THE NEXT 7 HOURS.

NO, THAT'S 24 HOURS A DAY, 7 DAYS A WEEK.

AY-YI-YI. THAT'S A LOT.

OH, HI THERE.

WILL YOU PLAY A GAME WITH ME?

I'D LOVE TO, BUT I HAVE TO WORK.

THAT'S OK.

I'M PRETTY MUCH USED TO PLAYING BY MYSELF.

MY DADDY TRAVELS ALL THE TIME,

SO I DON'T HAVE ANY REAL FRIENDS.

OH, WAIT. WAIT.

MAYBE I HAVE TIME FOR ONE QUICK GAME.

GREAT. HERE'S HOW IT WORKS.

THERE ARE 2 BLACK CARDS AND 1 RED CARD.

ALL YOU HAVE TO DO IS KEEP YOUR EYE ON THE RED ONE.

SOUNDS EASY ENOUGH.

WHICH IS THE RED?

THAT ONE.

YOU'RE GOOD AT THIS GAME.

IT MUST BE BECAUSE YOU'RE SO SMART.

THANKS.

HEY, HOW ABOUT THIS TIME WE PLAY FOR CANDY?

IF I WIN, I GET A CANDY BAR.

THAT SOUNDS FAIR.

WHICH ONE IS IT?

OOPS. GOT YOU THAT TIME.

ONE CANDY BAR, PLEASE.

I WAS SURE IT WAS THAT ONE.

WHY DON'T YOU TRY AGAIN?

THE ODDS ON YOU WINNING ARE 2 TO 1.

SURE. WHAT HAVE I GOT TO LOSE?

I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU WIPED ME OUT.

WE COULD PLAY AGAIN AND YOU COULD WIN IT ALL BACK.

I HAVE NO MORE CANDY.

I LIKE YOUR WATCH.

I'M TELLING YOU, THAT LITTLE GIRL IS EVIL.

I BET HER HEAD SPINS AROUND.

THANKS FOR PLAYING WITH ME, MADDIE.

YOU'RE MY BEST FRIEND EVER.

ESTEBAN, CAN YOU PLEASE HELP ME WITH THIS BAG?

OF COURSE.

HEY, SWEET THING. HOLLY CLEAN YOU OUT, TOO?

YEAH. IT'LL TAKE 3 WEEKS SALARY TO REPLACE ALL THAT CANDY.

WAIT. LET ME GUESS.

HOLLY LET YOU WIN AT FIRST

AND THEN SHE GOT REALLY GOOD?

NOW THAT YOU MENTION IT, YEAH.

STILL THINK SHE'S JUST AN INNOCENT THIRD-GRADER?

OK, I SEE YOUR POINT.

BUT SHE'S JUST A LITTLE KID.

WHERE WOULD SHE HAVE LEARNED TO CON PEOPLE LIKE THAT?

I'M THINKING SHE WAS HOME-SCHOOLED.

I'M LLING YOU,

HOLLY AND HER DAD ARE UP TO SOMETHING.

I DID NOT JUST LEAVE MY SKATEBOARD LYING AROUND.

MY ROLLER SKATE.

COMPLETELY UNRELATED.

MAN, HAVE WE GOTTEN BIGGER

OR HAVE THESE VENTS GOTTEN SMALLER?

I DON'T KNOW.

BUT I SUGGEST YOU GET YOUR KNEE OUT OF MY KIDNEY

OR WE'RE ALL GONNA BE SORRY.

HI, DADDY. ESTEBAN AND I ARE HOME.

OK, HERE YOU GO, MISS HOLLY.

THANKS, ESTEBAN.

MR. O'NEIL.

WAIT. YOU PROMISED TO BUY SOME OF MY WILDERNESS GIRL COOKIES.

OH, RIGHT. I LOVE THE MINT MARSHMALLOW MUSHIES.

WHEN WILL THEY BE HERE?

3 WEEKS.

FROM NEVER.

GOT THE CASH.

PUMPKIN, YOU'RE A CHIP OFF THE OLD BLOCK.

COME HERE. WHOO-HOO!

I DON'T BELIEVE IT.

I KNOW. HIS BACK IS TOTALLY FINE.

NOT THAT. I BOUGHT A DOZEN BOXES

OF THOSE STUPID MINT MARSHMALLOW MUSHIES.

MR. MOSEBY, WE'VE GOT SOMETHING VERY IMPORTANT TO TELL YOU.

UNLESS IT CONCERNS YOUR ENROLLMENT IN MILITARY SCHOOL,

I'M NOT INTERESTED.

THAT GUY HARRY IS FAKING HIS INJURY.

WE SAW HIM DANCING IN THE VENT.

WHY WAS HARRY DANCING IN THE VENT?

HE WASN'T IN THE VENT. WE WERE IN THE VENT.

YOU WERE DANCING IN THE VENT?

NO, WE WERE SPYING IN THE VENT.

SO WHO WAS DANCING?

HARRY.

HARRY CAN'T DANCE. HIS BACK IS INJURED.

THAT'S WHAT WE'VE BEEN TRYING TO TELL YOU.

IT'S NOT INJURED.

OH, RIGHT. RIGHT. RIGHT, RIGHT, RIGHT.

AND YOU DIDN'T LEAVE YOUR SKATEBOARD

IN THE MIDDLE OF MY LOBBY.

THIS MAN IS A GUEST IN MY HOTEL,

AND YOU ARE TO LEAVE HIM ALONE.

BUT--

COME ON--

WHY DO PEOPLE NEVER BELIEVE ME?

PROBABLY BECAUSE YOU SAY THINGS

LIKE "THE ELVES DID IT."

WHAT'S WRONG?

DID HOLLY TAKE YOU GUYS FOR MORE MONEY?

NONOWE SAWARARAR HPICKIO OH, AND TAKE YOUR PASSKEY.

BECAUSE HE CAN'T ANSWER THE DOOR.

RIGHT.

GO.

OH.

RUN!

"OPERATION SMOKE OUT THE RAT" IS A GO.

CRANKY PANTS IS ON HIS WAY UP. OVER.

COPY THAT, CANDY GIRL. BETTER-LOOKING TWIN OUT.

YOU KNOW, NEXT TIME I'M PICKING THE NAMES.

COPY THAT,

OK, WE HAVE TO TIME THIS PERFECTLY

SO HARRY IS JUMPING AROUND WHEN CRANKY PANTS WALKS IN.

DON'T WORRY.

I'VE GOT THIS BEE STINGING MAD.

WHERE DID YOU GET A BEE?

I KNOW A GUY.

[BUZZING]

GET AWAY.

GET AWAY!

ALL RIGHT. OK. YOU WANNA PLAY BEE BALL?

AH!

GOT IT.

[CRYING]

[KNOCKING]

MR. O'NEIL, ARE YOU ALL RIGHT?

YEAH. BUT A SWARM OF BEES JUST FLEW OUT OF THAT VENT AND ATTACKED ME.

YOU DON'T WANT PEOPLE TO HEAR

THAT THE TIPTON'S INFESTED WITH BEES.

WOULD YOU LIKE A FREE DINNER?

WELL, IF YOU INSIST.

OK, COAST IS CLEAR. PROCEED DOWN HALLWAY.

I'M STANDING RIGHT NEXT TO YOU.

DO WE HAVE A LOCATION ON CRANKY PANTS?

CANDY GIRL SAYS CRANKY PANTS IS ON THE WAY UP NOW.

ALL RIGHT. YOU READY, RED SCHNOZ?

I'M READY, SOON TO BE FAT LIP.

OK. THIS IS DEFINITELY GOING TO GET HARRY UP

AND RUNNING OUT OF HIS ROOM.

AND WHEN HE DOES,

I'LL TAKE A PICTURE OF IT AND SHOW IT TO MOSEBY.

WHOA. THE SWEDISH BIKINI TEAM IS ON THIS FLOOR?

[WITH SWEDISH ACCENT] OH, IT'S SO COLD IN HERE.

I SHOULD'VE WORN MORE CLOTHES.

Man: HEY, I WANT AN AUTOGRAPH!

COME ON, CODY. GET UP. YOU'RE GONNA MISS THE SHOT.

GIDDYUP. YAH! YAH!

YOU MEAN AFTER ALL THAT, YOU STILL DIDN'T GET A PICTURE?

WELL, I'M SORRY.

MY PHOTOGRAPHER FELL DOWN ON THE JOB.

[GROANING]

DON'T WORRY. WE'LL GET HIM.

MAYBE WE SHOULD TELL YOUR MOM.

SHE'LL NEVER BELIEVE US.

SHE MIGHT, IF IT DOESN'T INVOLVE ELVES. CODY, WHAT HAPPENED TO YOU?

HE WAS TRYING TO HELP ME PROVE THAT HARRY ISN'T REALLY HURT.

ZACK, YOU HAVE GOT TO STOP INVOLVING PEOPLE IN YOUR HARE-BRAINED SCHEMES.

LOOK, MOM, I KNOW ZACK HAS LIED IN THE PAST

AND NO DOUBT HE'LL LIE IN THE FUTURE,

BUT AT THIS MOMENT,

HE HAPPENS TO BE TELLING THE TRUTH.

THANKS, BUDDY.

OW.

CAREY, I BELIEVE HIM, TOO.

THAT LITTLE GIRL CONNED ME OUT OF ALL MY CANDY.

YOU MEAN SWEET LITTLE HOLLY

WHO SOLD ME THE LOW-FAT LEMON LOOLOOS?

THEY'RE LOW-FAT ALL RIGHT BECAUSE YOU'RE NEVER GONNA GET 'EM.

MOM, I PROMISE I'LL NEVER LIE AGAIN

IF YOU JUST BELIEVE ME NOW.

YOU KNOW WHAT? I DO.

I THINK IT'S TIME TO GET A SECOND OPINION ON HARRY'S BACK INJURY.

LET'S GO.

[GROANS]

1, 2, CHA, CHA, CHA.

1, 2, CHA, CHA, CHA.

[KNOCKING]

WHO IS IT?

CAREY!

AND HER BROWNIES!

UH, JUST A SECOND.

COME IN. THE DOOR IS OPEN.

HI, HARRY.

I HOPE YOU DON'T MIND.

BUT I FEEL SO BAD THAT MY SON'S SKATEBOARD CAUSED YOUR INJURY

THAT I'VE HIRED AT MY OWN EXPENSE

THE BEST PHYSICAL THERAPIST IN BOSTON.

OH. UH, WOW. YEAH. UH...

YEAH. YOU DESERVE IT.

NO, I DON'T.

YEAH, YOU DO.

YOU KNOW WHAT?

ALL I NEED TO FEEL BETTER ARE YOUR BROWNIES.

NO, I INSIST. OLGA IS THE BEST.

SHE HAS THE GENTLEST TOUCH.

I FIX BOO-BOO NOW.

UH...UH...

YEAH. YOU KNOW,

I THINK MY BOO-BOO JUST NEEDS A LITTLE REST.

YOU KNOW WHAT YOU KNOW ABOUT BOO-BOOS? BUPKIS.

YOU KNOW BUPKIS ABOUT BOO-BOOS. I KNOW BOO-BOOS.

NOW, ON COUNT OF 3, WE FLIP HIM LIKE BLINI.

WAIT.

3.

WHAT HAPPENED TO "1" AND "2"?

I SPIT ON "1" AND "2."

SO I GOT YOU DOWN FOR 5 BOXES OF MINT MARSHMALLOW MUSHIES

AND 5 BOXES OF CHIP-A-DEE-DOO-DAHS.

I BELIEVE I SAID I ONLY WANTED ONE BOX OF EACH.

BUT 10 MORE AND I WIN THE BICYCLE,

AND I'VE NEVER HAD A BICYCLE.

WHAT THE HECK. MAKE IT 20 BOXES.

BUY YOURSELF A HORN. HONK HONK!

I DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU AND...RUDOLPH ARE DOING HERE,

BUT I'M SURE IT'S GONNA GIVE ME THAT STOMACH PAIN.

SO MOVE AWAY FROM THE DOOR.

THERE'S A PERFECTLY LOGICAL EXPLANATION

OF WHY WE'RE STANDING HERE AND CAN'T MOVE.

TELL HIM, RUDOLPH.

DOES THIS FEEL GOOD?

ACTUALLY, YES.

HOW ABOUT THIS?

YEAH.

GOOD.

NOW WE DO RUSSIAN ACUPUNCTURE.

I NEVER HEARD OF--AH!

OK, YOU KNOW, I THINK WE'RE GOOD WITH THE LITTLE NEEDLE.

HE'S RIGHT.

TIME FOR HOT ROCKS.

HOT ROCKS?

TO RELAX YOUR MUSCLES!

AND THAT'S HOW OUR SHOES GOT GLUED TO THE FLOOR.

NO WONDER YOU NEVER LIE.

YOU STINK AT IT.

Harry: AAH!

DADDY!

AAH!

NO!

DADDY! AAH!

HOLLY. PUMPKIN, ARE YOU ALL RIGHT?

I THINK SO.

IT LOOKS LIKE YOU HAVE MADE A REMARKABLE RECOVERY, MR. O'NEIL.

IT'S A MIRACLE!

THAT PHYSICAL THERAPIST IS AMAZING.

MADDIE?

JA. JA. I MEAN YES.

YOU MEAN OUR CANDY-COUNTER GIRL?

I TOLD YOU HE WAS FAKING.

OH, ZACK, I AM SO SORRY I DIDN'T BELIEVE YOU.

OF COURSE NOTHING IN YOUR PAST WOULD HAVE LED ME TO BELIEVE YOU.

NONETHELESS, THIS ONE PARTICULAR INSTAN--

APOLOGY ACEDL THPOL.

"OPERATION SKATEBOARD IN THE LOBBY" WAS HER IDEA.

I JUST COME UP WITH THE NAMES.

SHE'S 42 INCHES OF PURE EVIL.

[GRUNTS] MMMM!

WIMP.

OH, MR. O'NEIL. MR. O'NEIL.

I HAD TO GO ALL THE WAY TO DELAWARE,

BUT I FINALLY FOUND THAT PILLOW YOU REQUESTED.

FORGET IT, ESTEBAN.

WE PROVED HE WAS FAKING.

SO YOU'RE DONE WORKING FOR HIM.

SO I CAN TAKE A LITTLE BREAK?

BY ALL MEANS.

OH, GRACIAS.

MR. MOSEBY, WE WANNA APOLOGIZE AGAIN,

AND WE'RE GONNA PAY BACK EVERY PENNY WE OWE YOU.

THAT'S RIGHT. I HAVE LEARNED MY LESSON.

AND I HAVE ALERTED EVERY HOTEL ON THE EASTERN SEABOARD.

DON'T WORRY. FROM NOW ON, WE ARE GONNA WALK THE STRAIGHT AND NARROW.

GOOD.

THANK YOU, MR. DOORMAN.

YOUR PEANUT BUTTER STICKY WICKIES WILL BE HERE IN 3 WEEKS.

COME ON.

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