Original subtitles

That's my boy.

That's my boy.

That's my boy.

That's my boy.

What did you say, Ida? I'll tell you what I said. I said... I don't believe

Well, at least wait until you've heard what it was.

I tell you, I looked her dead in the eye and I said... Who's been at my desk?

No, I didn't.

I said, who do you think you're shoving? You didn't. I did.

And what did she say?

Nothing for a minute. And then she stepped back and she looked me dead in

eye and she said... Who's got all these papers out of order? You did.

She lives locally.

I know because I... What do you mean, I did?

Oh, excuse me, Angie.

When you went to bed last night, you left those papers all over the floor.

Well, I was tired.

So was I by the time I picked them all up.

Well, you could have picked them up in the right order.

Well, thank you, Ange.

Where was I, please?

In the corner shop. That woman was looking you dead in the eye.

Yes, she was.

And she was saying that... Where's page 23?

Oh, it's no good. I'll have to tell you after. Give them here.

What page did you say?

23.

It's exactly where it's supposed to be, between page 22 and page 24.

Oh, I'm sorry.

Oh, I'm sorry. Is this talk to the young wine? I should never have said I'd do

it. He's nervous, Ida. There's no need to be, darling. There'll probably be

nobody there.

Oh, thanks.

She didn't mean it like that. I'm sure there'll be lots of people there.

What's the name of the talk again?

Infectious diseases in the under fives.

There'll be standing room only.

Have you both got five minutes? To do what with? Well, I thought if you'd be

interested, I could show you my visual aids.

Well, she's your wife.

I'm your mother. I suppose we've seen them before.

Get them. We'd be thrilled.

Oh, thanks.

I really appreciate this. It'll be a great help, a sort of a dummy run.

Oh, I could bite lumps out of it when I find them.

Hey, quick, listen. That woman in the shop. Oh, yes. Who was she?

Oh, I don't know her name.

Mind you, it ought to be Jezebel.

She's man mad, Angie.

Do you know, she leaned right up against old Mr.

Briefweed. No.

What did he do? Lean back against her.

It may be old, but it's not silly.

I couldn't bring them all because the paint isn't dry on some of them, but

will give you an idea.

Oh, that's good, isn't it, Ida? Good, it's magnificent.

What is it?

It's a temperature chart.

It has a look of the Rocky Mountains.

Whose temperature chart?

A child with measles, from day one to day five. Oh, I see it now.

You isn't that clever, aren't you? Day one to day five.

Well, show us the next one.

we are.

Oh, I like that, Robert. I really do like that. It's not bad, is it? Do you

know, that's just what I'd like for the lampshade in the spare room.

Do you think so, Ash?

Be nicer in blue or yellow.

I'm sorry to ruin your colour scheme, but Copley's spots come exclusively in

and white.

Copley's spots?

It's a sort of an early warning system for measles.

The Copley's spot appears on the inside of the cheek one or two days before the

appearance of the measles rash itself.

Fascinating. Isn't it?

Oh, I think I've got to blow up with a measles rash here somewhere.

Oh, but wait a minute, I can do better than that. Now, where did I put it?

did you put what?

My chicken pox blister.

Fudge. There should be two. I did the before as well as the after.

The before and after what?

The scab.

I've got it here somewhere.

Shane.

I think I'd rather not see that one. It's not nasty.

Oh, no, no, I'm sure it's not. Only, well, look at your coplic spot. That's

beautiful.

But for me, spoilt.

Spoilt? How?

Well, it's like gone with the wind, isn't it?

Is it?

Yes, it's a masterpiece.

But you wouldn't want to see it twice in one week.

Oh, you mean...

If you see all these tonight... I'll have nothing to look forward to on

You're absolutely right. I'll put them all away. But now, listen, no going

through them while I'm gone. I promise. So do I.

And it was beautiful, though. Really beautiful.

I was nearly sick.

Oh, be fair. You raged about it, Copley Spot.

Only before I knew what it was.

Oh, well, I'll go and make the cocoa.

Oh, no, I won't. I can't. Why not?

Oh, I mean, if you want me to. Oh, no, no, you can't either. There's no cocoa.

But you went out for some this afternoon, especially.

Yes, and came back without it, thanks to that woman.

The woman in the shop?

She shoved me, Angie, she did. She shoved me right up against the bacon

No!

What did you say?

I didn't tell you, did I? Well, I turned, I looked her dead in the eye,

said... Any chance of a cup of cocoa?

Mr. Moxon, what does it say on the bottle?

Then why did you rub it on your chest, Mr. Moxon?

Doctor will write you up another prescription. And this time, kindly, rub

where instructed.

Good morning.

Dear, dear, dear.

Nothing I can't handle, Doctor.

That's my girl.

Would you like me to knit you a fair aisle?

Now, what have I done to deserve that?

Morning, Doctor. Morning, Miss Parfitt. Morning, morning.

And what a lovely morning it is for your day off, Doctor. I hope you're doing

something exciting.

Oh, very. We're going shopping in Leeds.

Would you want me to get you anything, Miss Parfitt? Oh, no, thank you, Doctor.

Your mother already asked.

Oh, Doctor, before I forget, you're to...

Oh, you typed it already.

I was off with it till half past ten.

That was very kind of you. Thank you.

Oh.

Would you like me to knit you a fair eye?

He'd love it. Now we're both lumbered.

Did you think my talk was all right? All right? I was enthralled, and so was

Mother.

And so will you be, Dr. Sharpe.

Will I? When?

Friday night, Dr Price's talk.

Friday, you say?

Oh, what a pity. I'm afraid I shan't be there. It's Mrs Sharp.

She's going to be feeding on Friday.

Haven't I said?

Going to be feeding?

Oh, that's all right, Miss Parfitt. I'll be feeding myself if I could. Oh, there

you are, Shane. Another five minutes and here I wouldn't have been.

Morning. Oh, Ida, maybe Miss Parfitt would know.

Know what? About that woman.

Jezebel. Why didn't I think of that?

Oh, don't start all that again, please.

Look, it won't take a second.

Last night it took an hour and a half.

Oh, he is in a bad mood.

Well, I'll ask you when I get back. Ask me what?

Well, it was yesterday. Come on, Ed, we'll be in the car, and we're not

Oh, I'm coming, I'm coming. Look, I'll have to go, but when I get back, just

say, bacon slicer.

Doctor's surgery? What seems to be the bacon slicer?

Why haven't we thought?

It won't be long.

Where are you going?

Old Mrs Popplewell to drop us prescription in. It won't be long.

Well, it better not be. We've a lot to do. I mean, you want knickers, I want

bras, and we both want a ploughman's lunch.

want anything, or is he just carrying bags and complaining?

He does want something.

Oh, yes, a long stick.

A long stick? They talk.

To point it at Copley's spots with.

Oh, bless him. I tell you what, I'll buy that. I thought a good luck present.

Ah, that's sweet.

I'll have to think, mind you, where do you go for long sticks?

Because I don't want to roam Leeds saying, excuse me, but do you sell long

sticks? Oh, look, he wasn't long.

Sorry about that. Oh, by the way, old Mrs Popplewell asked if we'd take young

Mrs Popplewell with us.

All the way?

I didn't know there was a young Mrs Popplewell.

I couldn't say no.

The only snag is she has to be back by three to pick up a little boy.

Three?

But it's eleven now.

That only gives us four hours.

Angie, even for you, four hours should be long enough. Well, it isn't.

I'd rather not go at all now. Now, don't be like that.

Well, why do we have to take her?

Well, she missed the bus.

Well, of course she did. Looking after the old lady, getting her kiddie off to

school, probably doing the veggies for tonight. I think she's earned herself a

trip into... Shane?

Is this her coming down the path?

Oh, yes.

We know her name now.

I'm not a name.

Jezebel. You mean the woman that... Robert, that's the woman that... Here we

are.

Do you know Mrs. Popplewell either?

I think we have met, haven't we?

Beside a bacon slicer.

Oh, yeah. I believe we did.

Small world, isn't it?

And this is my wife.

Good morning.

Ah, hello.

Can you manage the seatbelt, Mrs. Bobwell?

Oh, I don't know.

They're all different, aren't they?

Twenty -two and a half.

And now the other arm.

I think you'll find they're much the same length.

Well, better safe than sorry. I want this fair hour to be one of my triumphs.

So do I.

Oh, Mrs. Price, did you have a nice day?

No, thank you.

What did she say?

Well, I thought she said...

Did you have a nice day? No.

Where have they been, Miss Parfitt? To the dentist?

Well, no.

They've been for a lovely day out.

Oh, I see.

Can I have my arm back?

I'm sorry, Doctor. Here you are.

Doctor Price, I wonder... I'm sorry, Miss Parfitt, not now. Measure me later,

will you?

Something's happened, hasn't it? I wonder what.

Go up. and find out about it. Do you think I should?

Why not? You've had a dull day.

And anyway, I must go, mustn't I?

Must you? Why?

Well, to see Bacon Slicer.

Of course.

I've been expecting this.

I remember saying to Dr. Sharp when Marilyn Popplewell claps.

Arise on young Dr. Price.

There's going to be trouble.

You mean Robert's her type? I'm afraid all men are meat for Marilyn.

That from a vegetarian.

She's always been... Sorry, Miss Parfitt, over what?

Sorry? Oh, Angie, sex.

She was saying sex.

You were same -sex, weren't you?

But there's no other word for it that I know of.

There's quite a few that I know of.

I felt sorry for Robert this afternoon.

Well, you didn't act sorry.

She didn't speak to the poor boy.

Nor did you.

Ah, but I didn't feel sorry for him.

You could have told me you'd made some tea.

I forgot you're not talking to me, are you?

Are you talking to me, Miss Parfitt? Well, of course I am, Doctor. I'm your

receptionist. And if I may say so, your friend.

I'm knitting him a fair isle. A church city belt would be nearer the mark.

The thing is, Miss Parfitt, I've got a bit of a problem.

Oh, I've been hearing.

I'll tell you what I've done so far.

I've bought a long stick.

I think you'll need more than that, Doctor.

Yes, I'll need someone with me on the platform, won't I? To change the cards.

Cards? You mean your visual aid.

Oh, we're speaking again, are we? Good.

Yes, my visual aids.

And that's your problem, is it? Somebody to change your visual aids?

Oh, we're all speaking again.

Good, huh? Well, it won't be a problem if Miss Parfitt says yes.

And she will. She does.

But what will she wear?

Oh, I'm rather wearing a blue suit, if that's any help. I'll try to find

something to tone.

I've made a list of what I want to be going with.

What's this?

Is this yours, Ange?

Let's see.

flaming hibiscus.

And before you ask, nor do I.

And nor do I.

And nor does mother.

Oh, it must belong to that Popowell woman.

But how did it get in my pocket?

It really was born yesterday.

Well, she put it there, didn't she?

But why?

So she can come and ask for it back.

I'm sorry, I'm not with you.

Well, just as long as you're not with that Popplewell woman.

She fancies you, Shane.

Oh, but she's a married woman.

Well, so was Lady Hamilton.

But she still went bald -headed for Nelson's story.

I'm sure you're wrong. I'm sure she's a very nice woman.

You don't like her because she shoved you against a bacon slicer.

Bacon slicer? That's what you meant.

I don't like her either, Robert.

Only because I'd have told you not to.

I'm afraid I don't like her much, Doctor, and nor does Mother.

No, well, you wouldn't, would you?

Because... Well, look, she doesn't need that, see me? I'm a novelty, that's all.

And you doctors are always a bit of a novelty. But a very dishy novelty.

Don't encourage him, please.

He doesn't need encouragement.

I'll tell you what he needs.

Hello?

Yes?

Yes?

Yes.

It's for you.

Flaming hibiscus!

I'm sure you can manage, Mrs Willis. Well, I've managed before, Miss Parfitt.

Now, off you go, or you'll miss your bus. And I hope you find something nice.

Well, I'm thinking in terms of a beige two -piece.

Oh, lovely.

But if you see anything else, tech it.

I mean, it's a matter of skin tones, isn't it? And you are a bit on the beige

side already.

The last thing you want... Oh.

Good morning.

Good morning, Mrs Pottlewell. And what can I do for you? Nothing.

You haven't an appointment.

Thank you, Miss Parfitt. I can handle Mrs Popplewell.

Now, off you go. You'll miss your bus.

Oh, is that the time I must run?

Cheerio. Cheerio. And think pink, love.

Now, Mrs Popplewell.

Ada, is Miss Parfitt gone? Because I want to... Oh, good morning, Mrs

Popplewell. Oh, have you come for your lipstick?

Ada, I think I left it... Here.

Well, I take it.

But what I really came about... I'm sorry, Mrs. Bobblewell. We're fully

And I'm glad I've caught you, Doctor.

You haven't caught him yet.

Cos the thing is... My mother's absolutely right. We are fully booked.

you'll excuse me. But it won't take a minute.

I haven't got a minute.

But I only wanted to ask... Why don't you ask Dr. Sharp? He knows more about

these things than I do.

Does he?

Oh, yes. He's an expert.

And flower arrangements.

Pardon? For the platform.

For your talk.

I'm doing them.

Why don't you talk to my mother? She'll tell you what to do. And where to go.

And what to do when you get there.

It's all right, Doctor. I'll handle this. Thanks, Ida. Bye, Mrs Popplewell.

Oh, he's wasted in doctrine.

I beg your pardon?

He should be on telly with his shirt off.

And you should be in your kitchen with your pinny on.

Cooking your husband dinner.

Oh, Em, I married too young. Oh, and how it fazed you.

You don't like me, do you?

Whatever gave you that idea?

Where's me air freshener?

can do.

Do you know how heavy these things are?

Well, you'll have to pull harder, won't you? Robert!

Is Ida there?

Yes, oh, master of the ladder.

Will you give Andy a hand? She hasn't the weight.

need them, Shane. I mean, it's a talk in a village hall, not a night of a

hundred stars.

Oh, Doctor, it's a disaster, it is.

It's a disaster.

Oh, I wouldn't go that far.

Have a look at the back.

Well, not my outfit. I'm very pleased with that.

No, it's the lights.

They're not working.

What? Well, we'll have to get them working, won't we? I mean, there'll be

audience here, won't there?

Well, they won't be able to see me, will they? Now, don't panic, Doctor.

Whatever you do, don't panic.

Look who's talking.

under the circus.

I've been on to the vicar and he's been on to the church warden and he's been on

to the electrician and he's sending someone round.

When? As soon as he's finished his tea.

Well, let's hope he's having egg on toast.

Here I am.

Oh, Lord.

Will you come up or shall I come down?

You'll both stay where you are.

Isn't he lovely in the half -light?

Wish I could say the same for you.

Oh, nasty.

Seconds out.

Five and this, you know. What for?

My flower arrangement.

I can get more of these out by that.

Eleven. Oh, she must have stripped Kew Gardens.

You'll have to do something about that woman, Doctor.

I will tomorrow. Meanwhile, these lights.

How did that happen? If we have to thank Marilyn Popplewell, I'd rather be sick

in a bucket.

Oh, I'm sorry, love. The doors don't open till quarter to seven.

I'm not the audience.

I'm Adrian.

Adrian? The electrician. Did you...

I did. And you could have done it yourself.

It would be a calling out charge, you know.

Oh, that's okay. What was wrong? Nothing. You just hadn't switched your

on. Oh, I'm glad someone shed some light on the scene.

Oh.

Hello.

Hello. A new face.

And what a night. I think Shane's novelty just wore off.

This is the electrician, Marilyn. Come all the way... from Leeds to turn it on.

It's not all right.

Leeds? Did she say Leeds? That's right.

Leeds. And it's me.

Been wondering how to get there.

My sister's policy.

Since when?

Since she clapped eyes on Mr Universe.

You couldn't give me a lift, could you?

Tell me a small van.

And you, such a big boy.

But I won't mind.

Could you give me a hand down, please?

Oh, not you, Doctor.

Oh! Oh!

Oh, yeah, it knocked me fucking.

Well, night -night, everyone.

The rest of the flowers are out the back. They need damping down.

So will she.

Are you all right, love?

I haven't had me docket signed.

I'll be back in a moment.

It's not all she'll do in the van.

That was animal.

Animal.

I don't care if it was lust in the dust. It's got my Shane off the hook.

Now then, let's get this show on the road. Angie, you go and bring in the

of the flower arrangements.

Oh, and Miss Parfitt, you'd better attend to your visual aids. And Shane...

Shane? Oh, sorry.

Ida, tell me something.

That electrician, was he better looking than me?

Robert? No, no, no. What I mean is, did he have something I haven't got?

No, Lord.

It's just that you've had yours longer.

Come here.

Mummy's little shame.