Original subtitles

That's my boy.

Very. Well, that's not like you.

It's like Mother.

She had me up till 20 past one.

Oh, she wasn't poorly, I owe you. No, she wanted to watch the end of the

snooker.

She's a game old girl, isn't she, for 93?

I'll just put these out for the milkman.

Dr. Surgery, what seems to be the trouble?

Oh, good morning, Miss Milton. What can I do for you?

Old Mr.

Ledbetter. Oh, how is he settling?

Oh, well, it's early days.

Dr. Price?

Well, I'll put it to him. But really, Miss Milton, if you and all your staff

can't get the poor old man into the bus, what makes you think Dr.

Cash?

But like I say, I'll put it to him.

Not at all, Miss Milton. Good morning.

Old Mr.

Ledbetter. Oh, you know him, Mrs. Willis. He used to live in Church

Oh, it used to. Well, he's had to go into some set house.

The old people's home. Oh, poor old soul. It was for his own good, Mrs

Yes, it always is from that side of the desk.

Why couldn't he stay in his own little house? Well, it's not his own little

house. It belongs to the church.

Which reminds me, I promised Vicar I'd go in and give it a good clean.

Poor old Mr Ledbetter.

Hygiene wasn't too high on his list, I'm afraid.

But he fought in the First World War, you know. He suffered on the song.

And now he's suffering in Sunset House.

Mind you, in all conscience, he couldn't look after himself. I saw him a couple

of weeks ago shuffling through the village. In those terrible boots.

Oh, I know. I said to Angie, he might as well walk round in a couple of grow

bags.

Sooner you than me clean his house out.

That's right, Mr Ryder. Rub the ointment in three times a day.

Goodbye.

There's no one else waiting, is there, Miss Parfait? No, Doctor. You can start

on your rounds now.

Oh, aren't you a slave driver?

Can't he have a cup of coffee first with his mummy?

I'd rather not, Ida. If I can get my rounds over by lunchtime, the rest of

day is my own.

Who am I seeing? Well, all your Thursday regulars, of course. Oh, and old Mr.

Nedbetter. Oh, he's in Sunset House, isn't he?

Well, he's still your patient, Doctor.

Of course he is, Miss Parfitt. I'll be late for lunch. Why?

Well, he'd like to tell me about the Battle of the Thumb. Oh, and you stand

listen. I sit and listen. It was a long battle.

I will have a cup of coffee, please. Oh, lovely. I'll put the kettle on.

Doctor Surgery, what seems to be the trouble?

Oh, hello again, Miss Milton.

I'll tell him.

It's old Mr.

Ledbetter. He won't go near his elevens till he's had a chat.

With you.

Cancel the coffee, Ida. Tell them I'm on my way.

Did you go and see old Mr. Ledbetter, Shane?

Oh, yes, I saw him. How was he?

A bit tired, by the time he'd won the war.

What's it like, Robert, Sunset House?

Oh, it's not bad. It's clean and warm and superfood.

I don't care if there's colour TV in every room.

There is. Oh.

Well, anyway, I wouldn't put any one of mine in there, not even our Wilfred.

What? Wilfred. What about him? Maureen rang.

Maureen? Wilfred's Maureen. We went to her wedding. You know, you gave her a

pressure cooker.

Oh, well, if that's what she rang about, it's out of guarantee.

She rang about Wilfred. And so's he.

She's been a good daughter to our Wilfred, isn't there, Maureen?

He won't end his days in an old folk's home.

Nor will you, Ida. Nor will you.

I wonder.

I wonder.

Does Morrie want me to ring her back?

No, she was in a call box.

She just wanted to give you Wilfred's new address and to say goodbye, of

Goodbye? She's moved to Milton Keynes.

She's what?

She's bought a starter home.

A starter home?

With six children?

What, six fathers?

Oh, shame.

Don't exaggerate. Three fathers.

You know, Summer, I can't imagine Wilfred in Milton Keynes. Oh, he's not.

still in London. I was going to say. I mean, all his friends are in London and

all his favourite pubs and all his girls.

If he's still at the flat in Brixton, what do I want with a new address?

He's not still in the flat in Brixton. He couldn't afford it, not by himself.

He should have gone to the council.

He did. He went with a social worker.

Who's all of 16 and wears an earring.

He's been given alternative accommodation. It sounds super.

I think it must be a small hotel. It's called Halfway House.

Isn't that a nice name?

Halfway House?

Oh, no.

What's the matter?

Well, a Halfway House, Angie, well, it's not exactly the Ritz.

They're like dothouses, aren't they? Oh, they can be. I was called to one one.

It was full of tramp and drunk, and Wilford should be very happy there.

Well,

we'll soon see.

Did Maureen leave her phone number? Yes, it's on the pass.

How could she do it? Her own daddy.

Why do you suppose they call them halfway houses?

Because they're where they put you till they work out where to put you.

And if they can't work out where to put you, the way you stay.

Well, no brother of mine and no uncle of yours is going to end his days in a...

Hello, halfway house.

To whom am I speaking to, please?

Am I?

Oh, well, hello, Mr Mbopo.

My name is Willis, Ida Willis. I believe you have my brother staying with you,

Wilfred Willis.

What do you mean you done did have?

It's what?

He ran away on Monday and he hasn't been heard of since.

I don't remember when I've been so worried.

Three days he's been missing. Three days.

We don't know he is missing. He might be staying with friends.

Oh, daff him.

That's true.

He'll come here, won't he? Will he?

After all the terrible things I said to him last time.

What did you say to him? It's time you got a job of work.

And take your own beer.

Oh, I don't. I called him a drunk and a lecture and a layabout.

Mind you, I didn't tell any lies. I stuck to the truth.

But I don't think he'll come here ever again.

Oh, Shane, what are we going to do?

Have lunch. He's out there.

Talking of hungry... Oh, no, Angie's quite right.

Life must go on.

It'll never be the same, but it must go on.

There's a cold chicken in the refrigerator.

And I don't think we'll bother with the veggies. I'll just cut some bread and

butter. Oh, and there's a pack of lager in that cupboard.

I can't see the chicken.

Well, of course you can. It's there by that boiled ham. What ham?

There's no lager.

Of course, it's on the shelf by the gin.

What gin?

Oh, it's going to be one of those days.

Out of my way.

Well, there was a chicken here.

I cooked it myself and I boiled the ham.

Did you can the lager and bottle the gin?

I can do without your merry quicks, thank you very much, Shane. Get me a

Angie.

And don't say what loaf.

Now, do you want crusty or flat?

There's none.

Oh, Angie, there are two loaves. I bought them this morning, and half a

doughnuts, because I said to Mrs Croft, if my brother were here, I'd be getting

a dozen of these.

Oh, if there's one thing our Wilfred couldn't resist, he's here, isn't he?

Where?

Somewhere.

He's nowhere up there. And he's nowhere down here.

And he's nowhere out there. I'll be right round the garden. Did you drain

fish pond?

No.

It's only three inches deep.

Oh, yes.

Well, where can it be? Where can it be?

Oh, who's that? It's the police.

They've found the body. Put the kettle on, Annie.

All right, Inspector.

Keep your helmet on.

Oh, Mrs Willis, now it's good that you're here. Miss Parfitt, whatever's

matter? It's your brother.

Wilfred, where is he? In Church Cottage. Where?

Oh, it was such a shock, Doctor. I'd gone there to clean and there he was in

window. in full view.

Doing what?

Chewing a chicken leg.

Don't stop for that.

What's he doing in Church Cottage?

Squatting. He won't come out, you know. He said so through the letterbox.

Oh, shame.

Don't worry, I'll get him out, no danger. I don't think you will, Doctor.

barricaded the door and he's got old Mr. Ledbetter's musket.

And we know he's got food.

And drink.

Oh, that's a point.

One chicken, one ham.

Arthur doesn't doughnut.

He'll be starving by three o 'clock.

Another drop of sherry, Miss Parfitt?

I wonder if I should. I'm sure you should, Miss Parfitt.

Well, if you say so, Doctor.

And then I really must ring the police. I believe.

About Wilfred?

What good will that do? He hasn't committed a crime, you know. He's broken

Ledbetter's latch.

Oh, dear.

The poor old man's homeless, Miss Parfitt. And lonely.

And frightened.

Don't overdo it, love.

Look, Miss Parfitt, just give me one hour. Just one hour to get him out. But

what if you can't? Then I'll ring the police myself.

Shane! It's OK.

Please, Miss Parfitt.

Well, I should say no, but... Right, you.

She's putty in his arms.

You haven't forgotten he's got old Mr Ledbetter's musket?

What? Oh, well, I'm sure it's not loaded. But it is. He fired it. He what?

a warning shot, but it killed a passing crow.

He's a dick.

Not half as desperate as he's going to be. Come on, Shane, let's get the old

fool out.

There's no sign of life.

Shane, you don't think he's... Shot himself.

No such luck.

Wilfred!

Wilfred! Whoever you are, I'm fully armed and quite prepared to... Oh.

Only you two.

What do you mean, only us two? Who were you expecting?

If you must know, news at ten.

What? At twenty past two?

I rang them up, you know, told them all about it. All about what?

What do you think? My tragic plight, of course.

Tragic plight?

Look, Wilfred, your Maureen's gone to live in Milton Keynes, which she has

right to do.

And put me in the workhouse.

Put... Oh, talk to him, Shane.

Come down, Wilfred.

I will not be moved.

I will not be moved.

I will not be moved. Oh, Wilfred.

Well, I won't.

Will you come down or shall I go up there and drug you down?

Don't you threaten me, Shane.

Here's what you'll get.

We won't get him out of there, you know.

Do you want to bet?

Come along, Shane. It's time we were going.

Ask about the food.

What?

Oh, right.

But what about the food, Ida?

What food, Shane?

The food we brought for Wilfred, Ida.

What was that?

Did somebody speak?

Yes, I did.

I said, what was that?

You said something about food.

Oh, that.

Oh, yes. Well, I did bring you some food, but, well, you won't want that

will you? Not now you've taken to killing your own.

Come on.

Let's leave him the apple pie at least.

You like apple pie, don't you, Wilfred?

I do quite, yes.

There's cheese here and pickled onions.

Oh, and what's this?

It looks like a fruitcake from up here.

Yeah, it looks like one from down here, doesn't it?

Ida?

Yes, Wilfred?

If I was to lower a basket... Go on. If you was to lower a basket... Well,

you could put that food in it.

Yeah, I could put that dead crow in it too, but I'm not going to.

Wilfred, why don't you come down and open the door?

Because you'd rush me, that's why, and drag me out. I wasn't born yesterday.

Oh, Wilfred, how could we possibly rush you?

You're the one with the gun.

All we've got is a basket of food.

And half a bottle of scotch. I'm coming down.

Nice there, isn't it?

Wilfred, it's filthy.

Oh, cosy, though.

Lovely in the winter. You know, a couple of logs in that grate there.

Look, Wilfred.

Look, you can't stay here. You know that, don't you? Why not?

I'm not harming anyone. And I can't go back to that halfway house I ride. No,

you can't. Because Mr Mbopo won't have you.

You're on his blacklist.

Can't go to Moorings. Can't go to you.

I'm on the scrappy panther.

I'm a burnt -out case.

Never grow old, I shame.

Nobody wants you when you're old.

I'm better gone.

Oh, no, Wilfred!

Not that!

You what?

What then?

Wilfred said what then?

I heard him.

Wilfred. I'm listening.

Why don't you come home and live with us?

Live with you?

You'd be very welcome, wouldn't he, Ida? As welcome as the flowers in May.

You could have that nice big bedroom at the top of the... What did you say? I

said, no, thanks. It wouldn't be the answer.

But why? Why wouldn't it?

Well, I'd have to change my whole lifestyle, wouldn't I? And your socks

day.

It's not a matter of socks, our Ida.

It's a matter of sex.

Now... I'll put it to you

this way.

Supposing I pull... Pull what?

You remember when I was here last time, I pulled that Coraline Crompton.

I'd say she pulled you.

I'd say it would have tugged a wall.

Well, whatever it was, where did we end up? I dread to think.

Where? In her bedroom.

What's wrong with that?

Shit. I'll tell you.

I'll tell you what's wrong with that. It should have been my bedroom. I felt

like her toy boy.

I can't live with you, our Ida. I mean, I'd have no sexual freedom, would I? No,

you wouldn't, because I'd cut it off.

You're disgusting.

Come on now, Shane, we're going home. Look, what about Wilfred? Well, what

him? Well, he can't stay here and he won't come home with us. Why can't I

here? It says it's a let, doesn't it? Why can't it be let to me?

Wilfred, it can't be let to you for the simple reason that... Why can't it be

let to me?

For a long time, aren't they?

I expect the vicar's got a lot of questions to ask.

Like what?

Well, like, is Wilfred a suitable candidate?

Suitable candidate? He wants to rent a cottage, not stand for parliament.

All the vicar needs to know is, can he pay the rent? And, I mean, it's not a

lot, is it? Five pounds a week.

I've a good mind to rent it myself and sublet it for 50.

Ah, but they wouldn't let you have it, would they? Why not? My money's as good

as anyone else's.

Isn't it? No, the point is, could you do the job?

Job? What job?

Do you mean to tell me that I know something you don't? It's beginning to

very much like it, but don't let it go to your head.

Now, come on, what's all this about a job? Well, it is the sexton's cottage,

isn't it?

Well, I don't know. You tell me, is it? Yes, that's why the rent's so low. The

cottage goes with the job.

That word again.

What job?

And what exactly is a sexton?

I didn't know either.

According to Miss Parfitt... Oh, little Miss Knowall.

Well, yes, all right, go on. According to Miss Parfitt... Hang on, wait till

I've answered.

Price Residence, to whom am I speaking to, please?

Miss Milton?

Well, Doctor's not on call, you know.

But if you want Doctor Sharp, you might catch him at... Oh, dear.

Oh, Doctor will be sorry. Well, we all will. Poor old soul.

It's old Mr Ledbetter.

Well,

he was a great age, wasn't he?

Yet was it peaceful?

Oh, isn't that wonderful?

He just nodded off.

Well, it's the way we'd all like to go, isn't it?

Eventually.

When's the...

Oh, on Thursday?

Oh, good, I can manage that.

Full military on us?

Oh, my words, I'll look forward to that.

Well, thanks ever so much for letting us know.

Bye -bye.

Oh, I should have asked, do they want a few shots fired over the grave?

Might bag a few more crows.

Poor Mr.

Ledbetter. Well, you know what they say, Angie, in the midst of life, we are in

death. Do you want a cup of coffee?

I'd rather have a gin and tonic, or would that be disrespectful?

Oh, two, the dear departed.

If he was here, he'd probably have a double.

Now, then, where were we before the reaper interrupted?

I was telling you about Sexton.

Oh, so you were. Yes, well, go on. What about the... We're back.

Oh, hello, darling.

Hello, Wilfred. How...

at all? Oh, it was a doddle, a piece of cake.

I had that vicar eating out of me hand, didn't I, Shane?

I'm afraid you did. I've never heard so many lies.

Look, I've still got my fingers crossed.

Regular churchgoer? When were you ever a regular churchgoer?

When I was inside, that's when.

You got me out of my cell on a Sunday morning, see?

I used to pass around the inbox.

And sell the loose pages for fag papers.

Do I get one of those?

Yes, but not this one. Shane looks as though he needs it more.

He does.

Wilfred Willis.

Sexton of this parish.

Andy, you were right.

Wilfred, what is a Sexton?

What is it?

What is it?

Well, it's a caretaker, isn't it? With religious overtones.

Well, won't that involve... And I don't like to mention the word in front of

you. Work?

That was a snag. I know he said no.

But then I thought of halfway out and Mr Mabopo. And you said yes.

He said please.

What exactly is the job, Wilfred? What are you supposed to do? Not a lot.

She said, what are you supposed to do, not what will you do?

Luca gave you a list, didn't he? Oh, yes, I... Here it is. Now then, let's

Oh, that's a betting slip.

Religious overtones, I think.

Oh, here we are.

Bells.

Bells? Church bells.

I'm supposed to pull them.

You'll be good at that.

Hey, hey, hey, I'll polish them. You'll be good at that.

No chance. Here, let's have a look.

Tidy churchyard.

Well, that's just sweeping up a bit, you know, the odd dead leaf. And the odd

dead crow.

You know, you'll probably have to cut the grass and you might... Oh, no.

What, what?

Did the vicar tell you? Tell me what?

You're the grave digger.

Gravedigger. I mean, it worried me a bit at first, but like I said to our Shane,

who gets buried this day and age?

And the world's moved on, Angie.

Everyone goes up the creme now.

Isn't that right, our Shane?

I wouldn't bank on it, Wilfred, not if I was you. There's a lot of old people

who still don't like the idea of... All I'm saying is, don't throw away your

spade.

Ida. What, love?

That phone call.

What phone call?

Oh, Angie, you're right, aren't you?

Oh, Wilfred.

I've got some sad news for you. What? And bear in mind I haven't got a drink

me hand.

Have mine.

Is it that sad?

It's that bad.

You've got your first client.

Eh? Who is it, Ida? Old Mr.

Ledbetter. Oh.

When? Soon after you left.

He was asleep?

I don't think he was, actually.

Anyway, I hope he wasn't, because Wilfred's burying him on Thursday with

military honours.

What's for military honours, Ida?

A foot wider, a foot deeper, and dig it up the double!

Repair and Synchronization by Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0