Original subtitles

That's my boy, that's my boy

Oh, I can see for myself.

Sit down.

Have one of these.

I swear by them.

What are they?

Oh, I couldn't tell you, love. I just asked for a repeat prescription.

I just want a black coffee.

Now, that's the worst thing you could have.

Here you are.

Two for now and two for later.

How do you like your eggs?

Oh, one egg'll be enough.

How do you like your fried bread?

I don't eat breakfast, ever.

And certainly not this morning.

He went on at you, didn't he, after I'd gone to bed?

He did a bit.

So you ate the bottle?

Yes. You'd have done better eating him.

What's the matter with the boy? You'd think he'd be pleased to find I'm his

mother.

pleased to find he was your son.

Oh, well, that's quite different.

All the trouble I went to getting rid of him, and here he is again.

I thought I had a baby, not a boomerang.

Where is he?

Now. Well, not tomorrow.

He's in the bar, waiting for his cup of tea.

Right.

No clothes on.

You had no clothes on when I met you first.

What are you staring at?

Nothing much.

Pass me that bubble bar.

Please.

Please.

Here you are.

You can get two pee off that.

You and me's going to have a little chat. There's a lot to get sorted.

There is indeed.

Like when you're going.

That's your mother you're speaking to.

I've got a mother, thank you, who brought me up beautifully.

Pleased to hear it, I'm sure.

So you can get the hell out.

Oh, nice.

Oh, stop swishing your bubbles.

You've got nothing to hide from me, you know.

What's that scar?

Scar? What scar?

There.

Catch appendix, then.

Go and pack, Mrs. Willis.

Oh, you know how to wound a person.

All I said was go and pack.

No, it's not. You added Mrs.

Willis. Well, that's your name, isn't it? Not where you're concerned.

Where you're concerned, it's mummy.

Don't you hurt me. And have you know, I gave you life.

And then you gave me away.

Well, I couldn't keep your love.

You were growing out of the wardrobe drawer.

You could have bought me a cot.

Secondhand, I wouldn't have minded.

I nearly did.

Oh, there was ever such a nice one in the shop on the corner.

It had little beads on a bit of wire and a bunny rabbit.

Oh, I can see it now.

Well, why didn't you buy it?

It was 25, Bob dear.

And me with two and nine in me purse and a ladder in me stocking.

You ought to go.

You should have drowned me like a kitten. I couldn't do that.

Your little eyes was open.

How much?

About that much.

How much do you want to get out?

I'm getting out. I've got your egg to put on.

How much will it take to persuade you to pack your things and go?

My little Shane talking.

Not my little Shane that used to shake his rattle at me and scream and scream

and scream.

No, it's not your little Shane. You gave your little Shane away. This is Robert

telling you to get... out.

Then he's wasting his breath, isn't he?

I'll put the red on.

Here.

Now, mind you, dry yourself properly.

of your tablet.

That'll put meat on your bones.

Shall I put this in the bin?

Oh, there speaks the affluent society.

Put it in the oven. I'll have it for me dinner.

What time will you both be in tonight?

Well, I'll be back about six, but I don't know about... Did Robert say you

stay?

Not in so many words.

Did he tell you to go?

Let me see. You know, it's funny about me. I've got this ear and every...

must come and get you, mustn't he? Come on.

Now, before I plan me menus, any allergies?

Hmm? And you a doctor's wife.

Anything you can't eat? Anything that brings you out?

I'm not very good about tripe.

Bangos me bordelaise.

And that's it, is it? Just tripe? Well, Robert doesn't like drained prunes.

Don't remind me.

I couldn't look his nappies in the face.

I called you.

She heard you.

Have I got a shirt?

Do you mean to wear?

No. I want to boil a Christmas pudding.

That's your wife you're talking to.

Why are you still here? Because I haven't gone.

Your shirts are in the airing cupboard. White's on the left, coloured's on the

right. Dinner's at seven and it won't keep.

I might be here. I might not.

I'm on call.

Robert, haven't you got... The clinic at ten?

Oh, hell, yeah. With Mr Ferris. Is he the one you don't like?

He's the one that doesn't like me.

Oh, is he? Where is he? I'll sort him out.

Don't you ever come anywhere near my hospital.

But suppose I get run down by a taxi?

I'll tip the driver.

Oh,

take no notice, love. It's Walter off a duck's back to me.

I'll talk to you tonight.

Shane?

Don't ever call me Shane. Nice packed lunch.

Thank you.

Oh, I'll soon have him trained.

Now then, love, what's your day?

I'm on the serpentine this morning.

Doing what?

I think it's for some calendar or other. I'm supposed to be April in Paris.

Oh. Oh, well, you'll enjoy your sandwiches then.

What are they? Garlic sausage.

Now, you have a nice day.

Ida Willis.

Nicely thank you. I won't ask how you are because it's not my phone, Bill.

But the thing is this. I won't be coming back so you can let my room go.

And will you have my trunk sent round, please?

Yes. Any messages?

I beg your pardon?

Oh, he hasn't.

Oh, he isn't.

Oh, he wasn't.

Well, he would be.

Just as long as you don't let him have this address.

But you did. I'd know that ring anywhere.

Well, I'll give you a tinkle when me trunk arrives.

Oh, and remember, I know everything that's in it. Ta -ra.

Oh, well, swing for that woman.

Oh, all right, Wilfred, I'm coming, aren't I?

Wrong. Pleased to see me? Wrong again.

That's no way to greet your baby brother.

Five minutes, Wilfred, and that's for too many.

Oh, this way.

I thought you had another six months to do.

Never heard a good behaviour?

Not from you.

Oh, you haven't lost your sharp tongue, either.

Nor me long memory.

Very nice.

Very tasteful.

I'm going to like coming here.

Forget it. This is your first and last visit.

Oh, they won't mind.

Anyway, I'm your family, aren't I? Well, so are they.

What do you mean, so are they?

Oh, well, I suppose you'll have to know.

You remember when I had my little trouble?

Well, they ought to. I was the one who took you to the hospital.

Yes, in a stolen car.

And you had your little Shane.

Oh, don't start.

I love that kiddie. Look, you see that scar?

That's where he cut his little teeth.

It's where you caught your finger in the till.

Anyway, what about little Shane you gave him away?

Well, I've got him back now, haven't I?

Oh, he's not here.

Oh, can I see him? Where's his little cot?

Wilfred, he's 27 years old.

Do you want to see his duvet?

Oh, Ida.

Ida, where have all the years gone?

Half of them to Pentonville and half of them to Britain.

You missed out this little man.

Oh, I'm very sorry. I should have kept a list.

Oh, little Shane, a grown man.

He'd better be. He's got a grown wife.

How did you find him again?

Dame Fortune threw us together.

Didn't she keep that second -hand shop on the corner?

It was fate, Wilfred.

Fate. Oh, little Shane.

Oh, he must have been thrilled.

Oh, he was speechless.

There were tears in his eyes. Oh!

Oh, Wilfred, blow your nose and on your way.

Can't I stay and see little Shane?

Goodbye, Wilfred.

I'll come and see you in a week or so. Not if I see you first.

Ta -da.

Give us a kiss, though.

Show there's no hard feelings.

There are, as a matter of fact, but, oh, here you are.

Get off!

Oh, go on!

That's all I needed.

Oh, don't believe it. He wouldn't dare.

Would he?

He would.

Right, Ida, it's now or never.

Slip it off. I'll run the iron over in. No, thank you. It could do with a press.

It happens to be drip -dry. All right, then. Sit there and drip.

That'll probably catch pneumonia. I doubt that, Mrs Price.

But what if you do? Your son's a doctor.

Well, our son.

Why did you do it, Mrs Willis?

Oh, it's all so long ago. A warm summer's evening.

Gin and apes.

Out of the wind, behind the bandstand.

I mean, why did you throw water in my face?

Oh, um, I thought I saw smoke coming out of your ass.

Milk or lemon?

Mrs. Willis, Mrs.

Price, I can't pretend to be pleased to see you.

Well, I don't know why not. I'm pretending to be pleased to see you.

It's only manners, isn't it?

You gave me your solemn word you would stay away from my son.

My son advertised for me. He advertised for a housekeeper. Not a mother. He's

got a mother.

And he's got a wife. So that's both our noses out of joint.

Oh, isn't she a lovely girl, though?

Sweet, but very young.

She'll age.

You did.

She can't sew. She can't clean.

Could you when you were married?

I didn't have to.

She doesn't have to. She earns enough to pay me.

Fairy cake?

This is ridiculous.

You're not wanted here, Mrs Willis. I don't want you. Robert doesn't want you.

Oh,

in the lounge, dear.

My daughter -in -law.

And mine.

Oh.

Hello, mothers.

I'll tell you before she does.

I threw a jug of water over her. Did you?

I mean, why?

She saw smoke coming out of my hat.

Could you retreat just a little, dear? You know how I am about garlic.

Nice sandwiches, love.

Super, thanks. I shared them with the girl.

Oh, bless your little heart. I'll make extra tomorrow.

I'm afraid you won't be here tomorrow, Mrs. Willis. Oh, asking me over to your

place for the day?

I shall speak to Robert this evening, Angela. I think we can sort this out for

ourselves, actually. I think you're forgetting I'm his mother.

And I think you're forgetting so am I.

I think you're both forgetting I'm his wife.

Now see what you've done.

I shall ring my son this evening, and I hope we never meet again.

Goodbye, Mrs. Willis.

Au revoir, Mrs Price.

That's French for up yours.

Ooh,

I bet she can't wait to get on that telephone.

You enjoyed that, didn't you?

It was all right.

It wasn't a frozen dinner, you know. It was proper food.

They were real carrots.

The thought you peel.

You're trying too hard, Angie.

Sorry. She cleaned the cutlery, too.

Did she?

And the windows.

And she polished the furniture. She's done everything.

Everything? Yes.

She might as well go, then, mightn't she?

You never change your mind about anything, do you? I'm not changing my

about her.

Now, who's that?

The woman you love to hate.

Excuse me. Are we ready for our coffee?

I think so, aren't we, Robert?

I suppose so.

I'll have mine over there.

He'll have it wherever I... You'll have yours wherever you want to, Doctor,

dear. I'll bring it in.

If that woman stays, it'll be the end of our marriage.

You realise that, don't you? I don't see why.

Well, in the first place, and the last place, come to think of it, what about

our sex life?

Hmm, it's lovely.

You mean it was?

It's over, you know.

Finished. Oh?

You don't sound very upset.

Well, it's only been over since last night.

Why is it over?

Because... Because she'll be on the other side of the wall, listening.

How do you know she's listening?

Well, mothers do.

There's always the bathroom.

What for?

Emergencies. Oh, great.

You look lovely tonight, darling.

I'll meet you by the sink at six.

Any minute now, we're going to have a row.

Where? Try the sink at six.

Right, that does it. I'm telling her to go.

Here we are.

Will you pour out, love? I just want to slip and get something.

Just a minute.

Yes, Doctor, dear?

Um... Well?

Uh... Is he trying to say something?

Yes, he is. He's trying to say thank you for his lovely dinner.

Oh, were you, dear?

Uh, yes.

Then do.

Thank you for my lovely dinner.

My pleasure.

Well, I'm off to bed now. Just leave everything.

I'll do it first thing in the morning.

Night -night.

You're going to bed rather early, aren't you? Oh, well, you two want to be alone

together. I'll be perfectly happy with me crossword.

I forgot I don't do crossword.

How long has that phone been off the hook?

Oh, I must have just knocked it off when I picked up the paper. It's easily

done, Robert.

No, well, luckily, it's easily put back.

Oh, leave it off. Have a quiet evening.

Someone might be trying to get through.

At this time of night?

Yeah, at this time of night.

It'll be for me.

At this time of night? I'm sure it's for me.

Hello?

Wrong number.

It was for me.

What's going on?

Nothing. Why doesn't she want me to answer the phone?

It's not that I don't want you to answer the phone.

It's just that if it rings, I don't want you to answer the phone.

Oh!

Hello?

Ah, hello, Mother.

You knew my mother was going to ring, didn't you?

Well... That's why you took the phone off the hook. Only by accident.

I'll talk to you in a minute.

I'm sorry, what was that, Mother?

She did what?

I'll go and pack.

What am I going to do without you?

Oh, no, it's Starbill.

Now, just a minute. Just a minute, Mother.

Was there smoke coming from your hat?

Well, perhaps she thought you were someone else. I did.

I did. I thought it was the clean easy man.

Ah. Ah, there you are, you see. She thought you were the clean... She

you were someone else.

Well, it's not that easy, Mother.

I mean, she is my mother, Mother.

Only because I'd grown too big for the wardrobe drawer.

With two and nine in her purse and a ladder in her stocking. And there was

behind with the rent.

She was behind with the rent as well.

Well, I don't expect she had any family.

I didn't. I didn't. I was an orphan.

I still am.

Now, you're wrong there.

She's a wonderful worker.

She's cleaned the window.

Inside and out. Inside and out. And she's done the silver.

And I've got a shirt on.

Clean on this morning.

Of course, I don't love her like I love you.

Yes, I remember when I had whooping cough.

I should have been told about that. I should have been notified. That's a

notifiable disease.

Yes, you were, Mother. You were very kind.

So would I have been. But so would she have been.

Now, look, I haven't got whooping cough now, you know.

No, thanks to her.

She let him catch appendix. Did you know that?

She didn't. She did.

There's never known a mother's love.

No, I'm not going to get rid of her.

As a matter of fact, it's not the first thing you've ever asked me to do.

I gave up being a fireman because of you.

And an engine driver.

Now, look, Mother, you don't know her.

Give her a chance.

Well, I'm going to. Oh, he's so like me in his ways.

Yes, of course. I'll phone you tomorrow.

Oh, what are your symptoms?

Does she still live at Muswell Hill?

She's got a flat round the corner.

Oh, you poor girl.

Mother shouldn't live too close.

Well, I don't know.

Take a couple of aspirin.

Good night, Mother.

Promise me...

One thing. Anything.

You'll never throw water at my mother again.

Cross me heart and hope to die.

Did you mean it, Robert? Can she really stay?

Is that what I said?

Yes. Then, yes.

Shane! On one condition.

You'll never call me Shane again.

Sorry, Doctor.

You could call him Robert.

No, she couldn't. He's right, I couldn't.

Oh, it's so wonderful to have someone of my own at last.

I've been alone for so long.

It must be awful being an orphan.

You have no idea.

You see, you're so alone.

You've no one to turn to.

It's another wrong number. I'll go.

Finish your brandy. I'll go.

I do live here, you know.

Who on earth can that be?

I can't imagine.

But brace yourself.

Yes?

For old time's sake.

Have you come from casualty? No, he's come from the Duke of Wellington.

Is this man a friend of yours?

Oh, I don't tell him who I am. Oh, don't tell me.

Don't tell me. He's my father.

No, he is not.

Thank God.

Your father had a centre party.

Who's this, then? He's got a nice face.

Well, I suppose you'll have to know.

He's your Uncle Wilfred.

turned out of his mind.

Climb upon my knee, little Jane.

There's only one way to do it.

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