All language subtitles for Teachers s03e07

Where's Carol?

Avoiding the pub.

Just when the tits were getting worth
looking at, she buggers off.

Do you think you'll ever find anything
else interesting about a woman?

Why is she avoiding the pub?

Apart from the smoke, beer, music, her
being pregnant.

When my mum was pregnant, she listened
to Johnny Cash.

Bit of a coincidence, don't you think?

How's that?

He's a strong heroic, Tom.

When have you ever done anything heroic?

I'm heroic in small ways.

Like I stand by my principles.

You don't have any principles, do you?

I never eat burgers on trains.

I was thinking more along the lines of
principles that actually mattered.

I'd never knowingly go out with one of
Kurt's ex -girlfriends.

I'm with you on that one.

Then why not?

Carol, for instance.

There's no way I'd shag Carol. You don't
want it, do you?

No, but even if I did, I wouldn't.

Supposing Kurt shagged someone I
actually found attractive.

Like Penny?

You wish.

Not really.

Claire. Let's say you shag Claire.

Why? From then on, she'd be off limits.

Even if it was only once.

She was pissed.

She didn't enjoy it.

I'd still say, sorry, Claire, no matter
how much you want it, the X is hexed.

See you, mate.

We'll see you next time.

The game's over as soon as we pass
through the gates.

Really?

No. You big cheating fuck!

Stop trying to grope me!

Another guess what?

There's a thick dinner lady.

I've fallen for that one. Quickly!

Where? She's gone now.

She was gorgeous.

You sure you didn't imagine her?

If I was going to imagine someone, I
wouldn't imagine a dinner lady, would I?

What would you imagine?

A cowgirl.

Why would a cowgirl turn up here?

She wouldn't. I'd just be imagining her.

Would she have a lasso?

Of course she would.

Oi, I bagzied her. What are we looking
at?

I imagined a fit dinner lady, except now
she fancies me.

Except I bagzied her so Kirk can keep
his grubby little hands off.

Now it's anything different.

You've grown a beard.

Claire will shit on you if she sees
that. Not the beard.

No. Give us a clue. It's me, Simon.

We know.

Duh.

Simon! That's right!

Fucking hell!

Oh! Fucking hell!

It's fucking Simon!

I know!

Don't even think about it.

I was in the area, so I thought I'd pop
in and see how your culture went out.

You need a place to stay, right? All
right.

I was going to stay with my dad, but the
step -sister's got my room, and I

didn't fancy sharing it.

Why? Because he has you.

Five.

Well, seeing as I'm your best friend,
you can have my bed.

Stop that. You can have my bed.

All right.

You can have my bed.

Fuck off.

I can't wait to hear all about the
culture.

Psych, sex.

Although, not necessarily in that order.

I'll see you both tonight.

You're not coming in?

I don't think some people are going to
want to see me.

Oh, look.

Everyone's going to be really excited.

Oh, God.

Penny.

I... You look... Wow.

John, can I have a word?

What the fuck's he doing here?

Um, Bob.

Bob, how have you been? If you're
looking for a job, you can sod right

You don't abandon people and then just
swan back in whenever you bloody well

feel like it. I just couldn't become a
problem.

Yeah, well, I wouldn't like to be in
your shoes when Claire sees you.

Congratulations.

You'll all be pleased to know that for
the third year running, we've beaten the

record number of staff off with flu on a
single day.

And the downside, we're going to be even
more stretched than usual.

Is something the matter?

The sink.

I've got to split it out.

Anne?

Claire, hi.

Relax, I'm not staying. I just popped in
to have a word with Kurt and Brian.

They made me come in here.

Would you like some supply work?

What? Short notice, I know, but whenever
there's a bug going round, the

sensitive cells in the English
department always seem to be the first

Is there a problem, Bob?

He said there was no fucking way you'd
ever allow that little shit to fucking

teach in any fucking school ever again.

Nonsense, Simon.

Like he's going to want to teach here
after he's been all the way around the

world.

All right, then.

Liz will give you your timetable. And
another thing, lose the beard.

It's sinister.

Don't, for a moment, think I'm happy
about this. Just because Claire's

what you did doesn't mean I have.

Fucking asshole.

His wife left him for the satellite
installation, man. I think he's got

separation anxiety.

I'm Matt, by the way.

You're a Clayton.

If you hadn't buggered off, I wouldn't
be here.

Sorry about that. I'll try not to hold
it against you.

I'm really impressed, you know.

Why is that?

I'd never thought you'd actually go
through with it.

Even after you left, I thought, there's
no way you'll get on that plane with a

fine flat.

You'll bail out at the last minute and
spend ten months lurking around Bristol

to embarrass the show's bank.

Now look at you.

It's her.

No.

Don't look.

At who?

The dinner lady.

That way. Stop pointing!

Nice. Nice? She's fucking gorgeous.

She's looking natural.

Phew.

That was close.

So, what do you think I should do?

More of that.

That'll work.

I've got an idea.

I don't understand how that works.

You go up to her and ask her if she
wants to come for a drink with you,

it? Why doesn't Brian ask it?

Brian fancies us.

Yes. I'm shit enough at chatting women
up when I don't fancy them. When they're

gorgeous, I just get all... Scared. I
don't get scared.

He's like a big, terrified lion.

I just have trouble hiding the fact I'm
gagging for it.

Girls can find that off -putting.

Which is why we need a date.

What do you mean?

Well, you've been travelling. So?

Well, that's the whole point of
travelling, isn't it?

To learn how to trick girls into having
sex with you.

What if she thinks I fancy her?

You don't. No, but she might think I do.

You're not asking her to go for a sex
drink.

As long as you make it clear that your
mates are going to be there.

Although, don't mention me by name.

Do you mention me by name?

Or even better, just refer to me as the
hilarious one.

So I go up to her, ask if she wants to
go for a non -sex drink with me, not

because I want to, but because I've been
travelling and Brian doesn't want her

to know he's gagging for it, making
absolutely clear that both my mates, one

anonymous, one to refer to only as the
hilarious one, will be there.

You see?

Simple.

What could possibly go wrong?

Can I help you?

I was just looking for something.

What?

A knife.

What kind of knife?

Like this one. Can I have this one?

Well, not that kind of knife for strange
men.

Oh, Mr. Plague Teacher, it's my first
day.

Piece of advice.

Don't carry a big knife.

You've got no impression.

I'm not a psycho.

Let's face it, if I was, I'd have
brought my own knife.

I'll have to take your word for that.

All right.

I didn't come for the knife. I followed
you in here to ask if you wanted to come

for a drink.

All right.

But I haven't finished yet.

What time?

It's not just going to be me.

It's going to be with some mates.

I already said yes.

As friends.

We'll put the knife down now.

You just went up to her, asked her if
she wanted a cup of drink, and she said

yes.

Basically. And it was definitely yes.

It wasn't, yeah, okay, right, or yeah,
straight after I put my head in the

She needed some persuasion, right?

Oh, I had to make it clear that it
wasn't a date and that my mates were

be there.

That's good.

Otherwise, there's no way she'd agree.

Now you censor him and put the law upon
you. It is one thing to be tempted,

Escarlo, another thing to fall.

It is one thing to be tempted, another
thing to fall. What does Angelo mean

here? It's all right to think pervy
stuff as long as you don't go through

it. You go through with it.

So you've never been tempted to do
something you shouldn't, Brandon. I do

want. I don't care what anyone else
thinks.

So you...

Never secretly fancied your best mate's
girlfriend?

Oh, Mingus.

All right, all right, all right. What
about his mum?

Of course not.

You better fucking not.

All right, it's something we all do.

I know I have. Not your mum, Lee.
Obviously, no -one hears mum. Although,

hear your mum.

And here's the crucial difference.

Just because I'm tempted by Ben's mum
doesn't ever mean I'm going to spend the

night with her.

Although... Even if I did, I can't see
how technically it would be all that

wrong. I mean, we're both adults.

Forget about me and Ben's mum.

That's not a good example.

What are you thinking of in terms of
strategy?

I was thinking of maybe playing hard to
get.

No.

What do you reckon?

Whose side are you on?

What I tend to do is one half in, one
half out.

Cover your face.

Perfect.

What are you doing here?

Oh, it's a popular demand. I'm back for
a short while. How come?

Your headmistress was in trouble. She
needed a little help. I happened to be

passing. Now, if you don't mind, I've
got to be somewhere important.

Oh, right. Can I come with you? Of
course you can.

I'm 18.

Are you? In a couple of months.

Come on in.

So he's just in travelling, is that
right?

That's correct.

Oh, where'd you go?

All over.

Oh, yeah, like where?

Fiji. Oh, whereabouts in Fiji?

Listen, it's probably not a good idea
that he come to the pub.

It'd be irresponsible of me and I could
get fired and picked up.

So, where is she?

Wednesday. I set a mirror up by the
kitchen door.

Shall we come with you?

If you want.

No way. Too obvious.

Tell you what, you pick her up, we'll
meet you by the castle. Be sure.

Definitely. Like the land of his lord.

Okay.

Wow. You look amazing.

Thanks.

So, let's go.

What's with my arms?

Try phoning them.

Nah, looks too defensive.

Try any poppy?

Nah, too casual.

Hang him by his side.

Nah, you look like an arse. What about
my hips? Oh, shit, she's coming. What

fuck do I do?

Do something to keep your hands busy.

The alternator's completely shut.

We're going to have to bag him.

What's going on?

Charred naked.

I bet you've got some great stories
about travelling.

Oh, I wouldn't know where to start.

The sex.

What about it?

Well, how much was there?

Can we talk about something else?

I knew it.

It's like you've grown up into this
mature person.

Not only have you had loads of sex, but
you don't want to talk about it.

And I admire that.

And respect it.

But it was more than twice, right?

I don't want to talk about it.

Five times? I don't want to talk about
it.

Ten? I'm not saying.

You're not saying or you don't want to
talk about it?

Just ask me one question.

Were any of them Brazilian?

Why Brazilian?

Everyone knows Brazilian women enjoy
sex.

British women enjoy sex. Just not with
you.

How about you?

Do you enjoy sex?

You don't have to answer that.

I suppose.

I have to go.

You want me to come with you?

No, I don't want to ruin your evening.
You stay here and enjoy yourself.

Brian will look after you.

Who's Brian?

Brian. You don't mind looking after her,
do you?

Feel free to talk to her.

See you all tomorrow.

So, you're Brian.

We forgot to give Simon our door key.

Why don't you run after him? He can't
have got that car.

Ah, fuck it.

Just have to wait.

I'm going to call it a night.

See you.

Bye.

How did it do?

Very good.

With the whole... silent.

You really think so?

Golden rule. Never come across.

Too interested in them.

I got the impression she wasn't that
keen.

Oh, she was keen.

Really? Yeah.

I think that's why she left.

Because if she did fancy me right, the
last thing she's going to do is make it

obvious like a slapper would.

Especially if I'm playing hard to get.

No, what she'd do, if she had any sense,
would be play even harder to get.

And she was certainly doing that.

Bollocks.

You need a lift?

Nah, fine, thanks.

You sure?

Get in.

I've decided I'm going travelling.

I've seen how much good it's done Simon.

And I don't just mean in terms of sex.

Although, yes, sex is definitely better.

Where are you going?

I'll just dig a pin in the map.

She's thought it through.

I'll bet you anything you like.

A million quid. I haven't got a million
quid. Twenty quid. I don't know, twenty

quid. How much you got?

Anything apart from money.

Your eyebrow.

My eyebrows?

If I win, I own your eyebrows for six
months.

I can do whatever I want with them.

Shave them, dye them, give them to
people as presents.

Whenever and wherever I choose.

That's a fucking stupid idea.

Sounds like someone isn't going
travelling after all.

All right, then.

I'll bet you my eyebrow.

Right, well... Thanks.

Oh, bollocks.

What's wrong?

I forgot to get Kurt's key.

Oh, do you want to go back?

Fuck it, I'll wait.

I'll go out with you. Seriously, you
should get home.

You could always take mine.

That's a great room.

If you want.

Or I could just sleep on the floor.
Whatever suits you.

I don't want to get in your way. You
won't.

I just feel like nothing's going to
happen.

You feel like nothing's going to happen.
Just feel like nothing's going to

happen. What if you don't want to? I
don't.

Then what should we say?

That's true.

We could have a lot of willpower.

And when I say something's not going to
happen, that's usually a guarantee that

it won't.

So?

Let's go.

You awake?

I heard you wanted to go out.

Sugar?

Two, please.

It's a pretty good outfit. Yeah, I like
it.

Strong?

I haven't cleaned the seat yet.

Oh, right.

I wasn't trying to escape.

All right, I was, but not because, you
know, I mean, I enjoyed last night,

but... Are you married?

No. You've got a girlfriend?

Not just at the moment.

What's the problem, then?

Brian, my mate, he really likes you.

He didn't even speak to me.

He's playing hard to get.

He's very good at it.

The thing is, he really fancies you, and
if he finds out that I... I won't tell

anyone if you don't.

Really?

Of course not.

Do you mind if I take a shower?

Of course not.

Just put the hot water on.

It'll take 15 minutes to warm up.

I'll just wait here.

Are you cold?

Yeah, freezing.

Can I get back in bed?

Just for the record, I'm only getting
back in because I'm freezing and I'm

waiting for the water to heat up.

I'll just drink my tea and then I'll be
on my way.

Because it's one thing to stab a mate in
the back when you're drunk.

another in the cold light of day.

Nine times he probably just decided to
stay with his dad or something.

About where he pulled.

I doubt it.

Oh, come on, he's been all the way
around the world.

Of course he pulled.

If he did, then he's a lucky bastard.

Don't let him get in front.

You're an idiot.

What?

Sleep well?

I was going to phone, but...

Walking back to yours, and then I
realised I'd got to take a cheese, so in

end I went back to my dad's place.

So you didn't pull?

How am I going to pull between leaving
the pub and walking out?

Was that you I saw last night, getting
into that car with that attractive

I doubt it. Because he was wearing that
same shirt, trousers, shoes, and an

identical head.

Oh, yes, you're right. I'd completely
forgotten about that.

You forgot?

This... A strange woman picked me up and
I'd never seen her before. Probably not

from around here.

In fact, she was just passing through on
her way to London.

You shagged her, didn't you?

Not necessarily.

You've got your shag face on.

All right, I admit it.

That is my number one fantasy of all
time.

To be picked up by a strange woman and
given sex for free.

She wasn't driving a Lamborghini
contact, was she?

I don't think so.

Well, still.

And how are we feeling this morning?

Oh, terrible.

We were so drunk last night, didn't we?

I can hardly remember a thing.

Me neither.

Didn't we make a bet?

You're not fucking having my eyebrow.
Well, then, you'd better go travelling,

then. I was drunk. It was a crap bet.
And anyway, I didn't sign anything.

Oh, you mean a pardon, then?

Oh, what was she like?

Just, you know, slightly Japanese.

Slightly Japanese?

Oh, she sounds perfect.

I'll see you later.

You don't want to talk about it, right?
Not really.

He's doing good.

Patterning himself to know, grace to
stand and virtue go.

More nor less to others' pain than by
self -offence his way. What's the Duke's

point? Angelo's a hypocrite.

But why is he a hypocrite?

Because he breaks all his principles.

And why does he break them?

Because he's a hypocrite.

Or maybe, and I think this is a key
point, he's just a human being.

And he's fallible, just like everyone
else.

His only real crime is that he builds
himself up as this paragon of virtue. In

fact, he's just a victim of his own
principles.

The rules are as follows.

You have to stick a pin in the mat.

Wherever it lands, you have one month in
which to spend a minimum of seven

nights there.

What if I can't find the map?

Forget it.

I'm not playing. You never know. You
might get Brazil.

Close your eyes.

There's no way I'm going.

Expeditions like that take months to
arrange.

Your skin freezes in 15 seconds at those
temperatures.

And where am I going to find a team of
husky dogs? I guess you'll have to

complete the seedling.

The vet's off.

You can't call the vet off, Claire.
Sorry.

So I win? As of now, Lindsay's the proud
owner of your eyebrows.

Fuck off.

What's up?

What is she doing?

I have no idea.

Bitch, that Lindsay really pisses me
off.

So whereabouts in Fiji?

Fiji? Yeah, you said you went to Fiji.

Yes, I did.

Fuck me, where's Fiji?

It's a group of islands on the Pacific
Ocean.

That's correct.

So which island?

I can't remember.

Was it Viti Levu?

Which one's that again?

That's the largest island.

It measures 146 kilometres long, 106
kilometres wide. That's an area of 10

square metres.

No, it wasn't that one.

I can't remember the real name, but the
locals referred to it as... Serpent

Island.

Serpent Island?

I have never heard of it.

Must be one of the smaller Mamanuka
Islands.

Yes. Yes, it was.

Cool.

Serpent Island.

Wow.

Fucking I get somewhere like Serpent
Island.

I think I'm going to have to talk to
Eileen.

Good for you.

Really? I think I've played hard to get
enough.

I think so too.

So, I'm going to ask her if she wants to
go for a drink with me.

You don't think it's a good idea?

It's up to you.

Well, I could wait a bit longer.

Bide my time.

Wait for the right moment.

Not always a bad thing.

Thanks, mate.

You worried you should tell him.

What? That you shagged her.

I did not shag Eileen. I won't tell
anyone.

It was an accident. Do you think it
happened? What do I do?

You either carry on lying, in which case
he must never find out, or you tell

him, in which case do it straight away.

Which is easier?

Depends whether you're a good liar.

I'm a good liar. That's my gut feeling.

You got a minute?

What's up?

There's something I want to tell you.
You're going to be pissed off.

About the woman who picked me up last
night.

On her way to London?

That was Ireland.

Why was Ireland going to London?

Didn't have a key. I was cold.

She said she had a spare room.

What happened?

She didn't have a spare room.

Sorry. It's okay.

I mean, it's not as if you shagged her.

You shagged her.

Wait.

Why?

Partly an accident.

Partly alcohol. Partly because... I
wanted to... You

never guessed what.

If I'm in shagged, I... This is better.

When? Last night on his way home.

Same time as the Lamborghini woman?

You were drunk, right?

We both were.

And she... didn't enjoy it.

She didn't have time to.

Just the one time, right?

Just the one night, yeah.

Yeah, but you didn't... work a double
shift.

I don't even know what that means.

You know, when you do it before you go
to bed and then when you wake up.

Doesn't that just count as one night? Of
course not.

Two separate occasions divided by sleep.

I wasn't aware there was a distinction.

Which was it? This has nothing to do
with you. Answer the question.

Did you work a double shift?

Sorry.

One day.

That's all it took you to fuck things
up.

I wish you'd never come back.

You did the right thing.

Not shagging her, obviously, though.

I'd have done the same thing. But
telling her.

I don't know.

If there was anything you needed to tell
me, I'd definitely rather tell me.

There's something I should tell you.

You didn't shag Carol, did you?

No. Because if that's your baby, then
bad luck.

I didn't shag Carol.

You promise?

I just...

Lied about traveling.

You didn't go around the world?

Not all of it.

Well, even if you've got halfway.

Strictly speaking, I didn't actually get
that far beyond, you know.

Europe. I mean, I went to London.

You went to Fiji, though. That's not
technically in Europe, Kurt.

It took you ten months to do all that?

No, three weeks.

Well, what have you been doing since
then?

Not much.

Loitering about, really.

Why didn't you tell us?

Because I didn't want to feel like a
tit.

So... How many women did you have sex
with?

In all... One.

Really?

Was she resilient?

She was from...

You know what?

I wish you'd never come back to.

Even though you didn't go anywhere, I
wish you'd gone somewhere and then not

come back.

Although, if you had gone somewhere,
then I wouldn't have been pissed off

you in the first place.

Why is she sitting over there?

She's trying to avoid negative vibes.

Pull up a chair.

We'll move up.

I have to make a few phone calls anyway.

Did I just miss something? He's a twat.

I thought he was your second best mate.

Turns out I was wrong.

Turns out he's a liar.

Not even a very good one.

Quite a good one. He had me fooled,
which is amazing.

He's a fucking arsehole. I never liked
him.

We're all agreed then.

Simon is officially a twat.

Sweats. I quite like him.

I don't mind him.

Well, I've never been a fully paid -up
subscriber to the Simon Casey Fun Club.

don't dislike him.

What if he knew what he'd done?

What's he done?

He slept with my girlfriend.

You don't have a girlfriend, do you?

I was just about to move in when he got
her so drunk she ended up having sex

with him.

Plus, He worked a double shift.

I'm not saying I'd have definitely
pulled her.

You'd have probably just made a massive
tit of yourself.

You should have at least let me have a
go.

Given enough time, you might have even
spoken to her.

I was playing hard to get.

You couldn't get a word in edgeways
without Simon bleating on about other

he shagged, haven't he? So really,
you're pissed off with him because he

someone you fancied, even though she
fancied him and he fancied her.

I thought you never liked him.

Well, I don't. I'm just trying to work
out what he's done wrong.

Well, everyone else can, apart from me.

And me.

I stopped listening a while ago.

Let me say what you like. The fact is,
he's shagged her.

Twice! And now, thanks to him, I'll
never be able to shag her without seeing

smug face grinning back at me.

Plus, he lied to me about travelling.

No, he didn't.

What about all those stories of women he
shagged? His exact words were, I don't

want to talk about it.

So, what?

I just imagined the threesome with the
Brazilian women and the giant tray,

great.

Yes.

Okay, the last party, isn't it?

But if he hadn't let me think all those
things, I'd never have made that stupid

bet, I'd never have lost my eyebrows
and... It really pisses me off.

A giant arsehole.

What a worm.

Kurt, please.

What?

I think you're being a bit overdramatic.

I'm the victim here.

I'm the one he liked.

He didn't have to make that stupid bet.

Now, if you must know, I think you're
also being overdramatic.

No, I'm not.

What if he'd seen her first?

What if he liked her as much as you did
and then bagged her?

And then she begged you for sex.

I wouldn't have shagged her.

Even if she'd been like, Oh, Brian.

So gorgeous. Can I slug you?

Can I lick your chin?

Why would she lick my chin?

Some girls do that.

It's funny how things change, isn't it?

You know, this place.

I mean, it looks the same.

It sounds the same.

It smells the same. But somehow it's
different.

Well, I don't just mean because people
have left.

I get the sense that even if they hadn't
have left,

they'd still have changed.

Time waits for no man.

How far away do you think that cloud is?

A mile.

Late. Yeah.

He doesn't know excuse for what I did.

I came back.

And after one day, screwed up in the
worst possible way without even trying.

You liked her.

You bagged her.

I was supposed to set you two up
instead.

You worked a double shift.

The worst thing I could do now would be
to pretend there's an excuse for what I

did.

There is an excuse.

Really? I always assumed you shagged
Eileen without really thinking about it.

I never stopped to think that maybe you
liked Eileen.

Maybe even as much as me.

Very attractive.

I'm supposing you'd bagged her the
first. I mean, what would I have done?

I'd have done my best not to shag her,
but at the end of the day, if she'd

offered, I'd honestly say I wouldn't
have.

The fact is, the only reason you'd have
done something like Shag Island was if

you really liked her.

You don't think it could have just been
a meaningless woman, Stan?

You're not that much of a shit.

That's a very good point.

So, seeing as you like her so much, and
seeing as she fancies you,

If you want to start seeing Eileen, it's
fine by me. I wouldn't want to upset

you.

Do you know what would upset me more?

Is if you didn't go out with her because
of me.

Even though I'm only here a few weeks.

You'd better use what time you've got
left.

So it's forgiven?

Even better. He's not going to stand in
my way if I want to go out with her.

What if you don't want to?

I don't. I didn't think so.

It can't be that bad. She's quite
attractive. She's got a lovely bed.

All I have to do is, you know, see her a
few times, string it along until

Christmas, and then, you know, just run
away.

Nothing like true love.

You were special.

That's it. I've had enough.

And I don't care if this makes you cry.

That fetus was doomed the moment it
inherited your genes.

No amount of hot housing, positive
energy, or fucking lettuce is going to

So bring us to our palace where we'll
show what's yet behind that meets you.

should all know.

The end.

That is a shit ending.

No one dies.

They all get married. They have sex.
They live in a palace.

I'd call that a happy ending.

Angelo marries Mariana, but he fancies
Isabella.

So? So he's doing the wrong thing.

The way I hear it, that sometimes, you
know, the wrong thing isn't necessarily

the wrong thing to do.

What the fuck are you talking about?

He doesn't hate Mariana.

He shagged her, didn't he? And she
seemed to enjoy it. And, well, he'll get

executed if he doesn't marry her.

Hi, Lee.

Hi.

Do you want to come for a drink?

Should you really be talking to me?
What, is your friend Steven?

Actually, good news. He's okay, you
know.

Oh,

I'll come for a drink.

Great. But I'm not going to speak with
you again.

Let's be clear about that.

Fine by me.

Is this because of what I said this
morning?

How I'd made a big mistake and how it
can never happen again? No, it's fine.

Because that was me on a bad day.

I just don't fancy you anymore.

You don't?

Sorry.

You did enjoy it, eh? It was nice.

Don't sugarcoat it on my account.

I just prefer men who are less needy.

You're fine, mate.

I'll see you down there.

Oh.

Bad luck, eh?

Yeah, gutsy.

Maybe she just didn't enjoy it. She
enjoyed it.

Yeah, right.

Coming down the pub, Kurt.

What's he doing?

That's all right. I've forgiven him.

You could have told me.

I'll come and find you.

Well, I'm not forgiving him.

Suit yourself.

See you later.

OK, I'll forgive you.

If you buy me a pint.

Start off.

The way I see it, the bet's officially
void.

How do you work that out? I only made it
on the basis that Simon had been

travelling. I was only going because he
went, and because he didn't go, I don't

have to, which means...

So let's cancel, and you don't own my
eyebrows.

You were never going to go anyway.

Oh, never know that for sure.

Kurt has an excellent point.

You think so?

There's probably a clause in the
contract saying that it's only

Simon having been travelling.

Really?

No. I'm lucky.

I can't.

Do you want me to help you with that?
I'll be fine.

Well done, mate.

We spoke to her.

Oh, yeah.

Maybe now that Simon's shagged her, you
don't think so highly of her.

Probably. Well, if you want to make a
move, I'm not going to stand in your

No way.

Don't mind, seriously.

The ex is hexed. Be against all my
principles.

She's hardly an ex.

It would be a shit thing if I started
flirting with her in front of you.

Friends don't do that to each other.

Can I get her on a drink?

You sit down.

I'll get you a drink.

Thanks. Vodka tonic?

You just sit down.

Hey, check this out.

Thank you.