All language subtitles for Teachers s03e06

I was supposed to have three pre
-periods today.

Guess how many I got?

One.

One. And why was that, Brian?

Because two selfish fuckers phoned in
sick to stop me from stress.

Lady Bath.

Half the math department are off. New
rule, no talking about work in the pub.

How could we talk about each other?

How do you mean?

Well, I work with Kurt. So if I wanted
to talk about Kurt, is that talking

work?

What do you want to say about me?
Nothing.

Just checking.

If I wanted to slag you off, would I be
allowed to?

I can't believe you want to slag me off.

Matt's not here.

We can talk about him. We haven't
established if that council's talking

work or not. Oh, talk about what you
fucking want.

Okay, we can talk about Matt.

Where was he today?

He phoned in. Did he say what was wrong?

Not stressed.

Probably caught whatever his kid had at
the party.

Was he chucking up?

Strangely enough, I didn't ask.

There's one thing I hate talking about.
It's vomit.

Oh, did you see the sick on Matt's wife?
Ryan.

Oh,

shut the fuck up.

What's wrong with you?

Oh, Carol, you're not going. Oh!

Close your eyes.

Oh, God.

Fuck off, you prick.

Yeah. I was just thinking.

Right.

Finished?

Yeah.

You recovered?

From what?

From whatever it was that kept you at
home yesterday.

Oh, yeah. I might spell it now.

Pleased to hear it.

You didn't carry on drinking all weekend
after your party, which was great, by

the way.

There's your answer.

Your wife's great.

Thanks. But did you have a good time?

I know it's hard to enjoy your own party
when you've got guests to look after.

No, I love when you're panicking with
me. I'll see you in there.

Milk and sugar?

How long have you known me?

What's that got to do with anything?

You just asked if I wanted milk and
sugar.

And do you?

You don't know how I like my tea after
all these years.

You can't expect me to remember every
little detail.

It's not a little detail.

It's a fundamental part. Tell you what,
next time, make your own fucking tea.

Right, I've got my tea.

A little bit of full fat milk.

One spoonful of granulated sugar, as
usual.

Morning. Can I start by thanking you in
advance for the amount of cover you were

taking on this week?

I'm aware of the stress that some
members of staff have failed to cope

I'm also aware of the lack of support
from certain colleagues.

To reduce the stress caused by covering
for those already suffering from...

Stress, I've come up with a plan. From
today, each of you will be assigned a

stress partner with whom you can share
your worries, talk through your

I've gone to a great deal of trouble to
match you up with partners best suited

to deal with your individual problems on
a one -to -one basis.

Any questions?

Good.

Mr Nolan.

Tom Nolan. He teaches geography. How's
he going to help me?

I know the same things as him.

I do the same things as him.

The only difference is he's an answer.
How's that a difference?

Who the fuck's Mr Lewis?

He teaches art.

He's off sick with dress.

You're covering his class this morning.

Mr Chong?

Be that Chinese bloke.

Is he?

Ah, Miss. Is there anything you'd like
to tell me? Any problems or anxieties?

You're his dress partner.

You lucky bastard.

I am lucky, actually.

Because I need to talk to someone about
this discharge of notice.

Aren't you worried what it says about
you?

It's clear for us you've got lots in
common with Matt.

I'm not worried about that, but I am
beginning to wonder why we're still

about this.

Because... I don't know. He'll probably
just talk about me anyway.

Let's hope not. I'm just saying he
might, but if he does, I want you to

that he did.

Will you do that?

If I say yes, will you stop talking?
Yes, then yes.

Yes, yes, help me.

Any idea when Mr Lewis might be back?

When was he last in school?

I don't know.

What's he like?

Is he a charmer?

Is he the ladies' man?

I don't know.

Form.

Texture. Base.

Metaphor. Is it?

Symbolic or something?

Hit the giant penis.

No?

Can I assume that in the unlikely event
either one of us had a genuine problem,

we'd rather die than share it with a
fucking teacher?

That goes without saying, but thank you
for saying it.

The only trouble is, if we make a big
deal about not wanting to do the

we could end up being paired with sad,
scary people who think it's not

Feeling OK?

Yeah. You?

Yeah. Fine.

He came to fix the fat white dish to the
wall of my house.

And you know what causes me stress?

It's knowing that my wife is having the
best.

Sex of her life with a bloke who is only
supposed to give her three new

movie channels.

That's fucking great.

What?

Claire wants me to cover for some
strapped -up physics teachers if I'm

in the bog.

I know fuck all about physics.

Fuck all about geography.

That's a lucky fucker getting into it.

She's a lucky fucker getting Matt.

She's great.

She's great.

They're both great.

Who would you rather have as a stress
father?

Me or Matt?

Matt.

I've got time to think about it.

Okay, um... Maybe... I don't know.

Matt? But who would you choose between
Matt and Lindsay? I mean, they're both

great.

Good question.

You head back.

It's supposed to hit them where it won't
show.

I always go to the kidney.

Billy Todd fell asleep and banged his
nose in the desk. Bites of blood

everywhere. Are you coming to the pub
tonight?

Why? Do you have to book a table? I just
wondered if Matt's wife was going to

listen out.

Why wouldn't she?

After what happened on Friday.

When you made a fool of yourself.

Did you?

I didn't say you'd make a fool of
yourself. Or was that just a rumour?

Rumour? Yeah.

Maybe some twisted psycho thought he'd
have a laugh at my expense.

I don't know where she got that from.

I'm making a fool of myself.

Don't ask me.

Well, if you don't know, I don't know.
We were both there.

Maybe she wasn't really talking about
Friday night.

Maybe she's making a more general sort
of point about you.

Me? And her.

Oh, come on.

What? I know.

It's not the affair you had with Penny.

She told me a while ago.

I'd better get him looked at or put
down. I'll see you later.

See everything?

Maybe later.

I was right, wasn't I?

About what?

Matt.

He said something, didn't he?

About me, yes?

No.

Are you sure?

Yes.

Funny. He didn't mention me. I thought
happened.

On Friday.

But then he probably feels humiliated.

Right.

I had sex with Matt again.

Party. During the party, we went outside
and we shat.

Why?

I just wanted to prove a point.

What? That you could have sex next to
someone's sleeping kids without the kids

waking up. No, that whatever he said
about his wife and children being

important, I could just flick my finger
and he'd come running.

And he did.

Wow.

That must make you feel so much better.

Yeah. It does.

Just wait!

Okay, turn the page and copy out the
next diagram.

It's all about electricity, sir.

Do I look as if I care?

Well, how does it work?

Electricity?

It's complicated.

Well, could you tell us a bit more?

I think we're making progress, aren't
you?

Obviously, if you want to tell me about
some of your problems, please feel free.

I don't want to talk about me and that
bitch of a wife of mine all the time.

Maybe you could talk about your husband.

Oh, are you married?

I'm not sure you even told me.

One last session at the end of the day,
yeah?

So, there's current, measured in amps.

Voltage, measured in volts.

And resistance.

measured in something else.

Three things, then. Current, voltage,
resistance.

And that's why a plug's got three
prongs.

Well, what's the difference between an
amp and a volt?

A rattlesnake can have sex for 36 hours.

Have you told anyone?

About Penny and me?

Of course I haven't.

Not from Liz.

Oh, you're joking.

Of course I'm joking.

Penny told Liz.

Still joking.

Still not laughing.

You don't think Penny has told anyone,
do you?

I doubt it.

Well, what did she tell you exactly?

Just that you had an affair, it went on
for ages, then you stopped it.

That's it?

She didn't mention what you were like in
bed.

they're asking.

No, I wasn't asking.

She didn't say I was great.

I could pretend she did. Would you?

God, you're great in bed.

Excellent.

That's a really stupid thing to do.

Glad it's over.

Is that why you shoked her and you're
afraid of her?

I thought she did tell you about Friday.

I don't know what I was thinking.

I imagine it was something like, my
wife's downstairs, my kids are asleep, I

think I'll have sex with Penny. Yeah,
well, that really was the last time

Ever. I believe you.

Thanks. I believe you, because Penny
said she told you it was the last time

ever. Ever.

And now she thinks she's won. Won what?

It wasn't a fucking competition.

There's no point getting arty about it.

Because if you do, she might start
shooting her mouth off.

And she hasn't got as much to lose as
you.

What the fuck? What are you doing
telling Lindsay what happened on Friday?

Okay, Anthony, perhaps you'd like to
finish that off at home.

What? I heard you the first time, so I
imagined at the rest of the school.

You're accusing me of being indiscreet.

Louder, the word I had in mind. We
agreed that it was best for both of us

didn't tell anyone.

Sorry.

You know how easy it is to open up the
Linbury. It must have just slipped out.

Well, don't let it slip out again.

I'll do my very best.

Especially if I see your wife.

You're pathetic.

Milk and sugar?

At this point,

is it plugged in?

Maybe the amp prong has been wired up to
the voltage prong by mistake.

I'll get a screwdriver.

No interruption, Piers. Could I possibly
have a quick word? Of course.

He talked to me, I talked to him, he
talked back to me.

You were having what some people call a
conversation.

We might even try it again.

I'm sure you will, because you and Matt
are such good friends now, aren't you?

I never thought I'd say anything. I'd
like to do some teaching now.

Coming to the pub?

No. Why not?

That would be none of your business.

You'll be there.

Oh, no, I won't.

It's you. You're always there.

Not tonight, I'm not. Why not?

Can I borrow your answer?

None of your business.

Oh, right then.

Even though it's none of my business,
why aren't you going to the pub?

Don't think I can feed any more penny to
thee.

What's your... Can I borrow your answer?

I mean, both of us are.

None of your business, which can only
mean one thing. What?

Isn't it obvious?

If it's obvious, I wouldn't be asking
you to explain.

Oh, you might. You're not that bright.

Now, just tell us, will you? OK.

Matt and Lindsay, an item, maybe.

Have you seen them enjoying their
intimate little conversation?

They're stress partners. They're
supposed to talk to each other. I

spoken to Tom Nolan once.

Because you don't fancy him. Matt
doesn't fancy Lindsay.

Have you asked him?

I don't need to.

There's no way someone like him would
fancy someone like her. Well, why not?

Well, maybe Matt's fed up of going home
every night finding his wife covered in

sick. There could be another reason why
Matt's seeing Lindsay so much.

She's suffering from stress.

She's telling her stress partner all
about it.

All about what?

I don't know. You just said she's
suffering from stress.

She is. And if you know that, then you
must know what it is she's stressed

about.

Okay, I do.

I know she's unhappy because of her
weight problem.

That's not a problem.

She likes being fat. No, she doesn't.
Every night I have to listen to her

throwing up.

Oh, we don't have to talk about it. So
how come she isn't getting any thinner

she keeps choking up?

Because she's eating faster than she can
vomit.

And she's drinking too much.

She's not.

Well, not by your standards, maybe, but
compared to normal people, it's very

sad. She's not sad.

On the surface.

You know, I don't think I should be
telling you this, but I

think Lindsay is on the verge of a
nervous breakdown.

You won't say anything to her.

Of course we won't.

If you buy the next two rounds, and some
cigarettes.

Aren't fat people supposed to be more
cheerful than thin ones?

I mean, when was the last time James
Winslow checked into the private?

He won't fit through the door.

Bastard.

Grint.

Are you happy?

Not really, sir.

Reach downtown.

Do you remember what Claire was saying
about some colleagues not supporting

other? No.

She was sitting behind me. She was
looking at you as well.

What, are you using her famous x -ray
vision?

Thing is, I'm out of a point.

Don't you think we should support
Lindsay?

Help her with a breakdown?

The secret breakdown we're not supposed
to mention?

Yeah. The secret breakdown you're
talking about in a public place where

can hear you?

No one listens to me.

There she is.

How's she doing?

I'm not doing this by myself.

OK. But I'm not cleaning up her thing.

Any bobbins left? I don't know. I didn't
get the chance to look.

Empty. No biscuits of any kind.

Oh, well.

What are you doing?

Moulding. Oh, I don't see the flavour at
all.

Why, for fuck's sake, why?

Because I'm hungry.

We call that a reason.

Well, she's not saying we're the worst
department by any means, but there's no

denying grades are getting... Sorry,
Bob.

I'm not going to fear it, I hope.

No, nothing serious.

Really?

Yes.

So what's the problem? While Matt's
reasons for turning up later are

more interesting than performance
indicators, could you at least pretend

you don't think we're all wasting our
fucking time here?

23 .12 will be your home.

You're welcome.

What's up?

Nothing.

I had a free period and happened to be
passing, so I thought I'd, you know,

smile at you.

Please don't.

It's stupid.

It's stupid.

Sorry.

Vulva?

Amoeba.

Maybe you should get a stress partner.

Someone who is not sick with stress.

She wasn't showing any of the telltale
signs of going mental.

What are you saying? That I got it
wrong?

No, but where's all the hysterical
laughter?

The hysterical crying?

Staring in space, staring at brick
walls, picking fights, looking mental. I

haven't picked a single box.

The thing you've got to understand is
people on the verge of a nervous

don't look like they're cracking up. I

think Brian and

kids could look any more mental.

The ones who don't look mental you can
worry about.

What's Lindsay been saying to you?

Why, what's she been saying to you?

Nothing. But then I'm not as stressed
about it as you are.

Oh, yeah.

So, has she said anything?

About?

Stuff.

You're going to have to be a tiny bit
more specific.

We can't.

Okay.

I mean, we want to, but we promise we
wouldn't.

So we can't. Right.

would sell you.

If you promise not to repeat it.

Well, I understand it.

Lindsay's probably been there this
break.

Eating disorders, depression, low self
-esteem, you name it, he's got it.

I'm surprised you didn't pick this up in
your sessions.

Yeah, I must be really proud.

Didn't you see any signs?

I've heard.

Shitting herself?

No, I think I might have remembered
that.

Can I just ask how you came up with this
theory?

It's not our theory.

But the person who told us wishes to
remain anonymous. Who's that then?

We can't give you her name. Her?

He might have said her to confuse you.

Yeah, that's possible.

Penny.

Yeah, how did you... Oh, fuck.

You might have said that to confuse you
as well.

No, I think we've established it with
Penny who told you. The question is, is

she right?

I mean, we all know Penny can misread a
situation.

Can she?

But Penny lives with Lindsay.

True. And you don't. Also true.

So Penny's probably right, which means
you should look after Lindsay.

But without letting her know that you
know she's mental.

Well, I shouldn't just ask her if she's
planning to top herself.

Christ, no!

See you tomorrow.

Where are you off to? Taking Jessica out
for a meal.

Which restaurant?

Bury. Where are you going?

A pint of lager, sir.

Unless you'd rather have a soft drink,
right?

What's wrong with your eyes?

Nothing wrong with me.

Oh, right. Um, yeah.

I'd rather have a pint of lemonade.

Why?

Not off the booze for me.

You've already had a pint of lager.

I'm gagging for one myself.

Oh, go on. Have lemonade.

If we all stick to soft drinks, we could
have a night out together.

Must be nearly kebab time.

What?

We said we were going to cut down on
late -night eating, remember?

Because of the indigestion.

Oh, yeah.

Heartburn.

Terrible sometimes.

I'm off.

I'm coming.

I've got 17 minutes to drink to him,
though.

You go.

We'll look after Lindsay.

We'll even walk her home.

Really?

I'll, um, see you later.

Don't drink too much.

Oh.

So, are you going to walk me home, then?
Oh, God, it's miles away.

You said you would.

I was pissed.

Still am.

Come and stay at our place.

A bit closer.

We've got a sofa bed.

How'd you turn it into a bed?

Can't remember.

Just lie down. Leave it as it is.

No. You do your backing.

You need to sleep in a proper bed.

Go in this room.

What about me?

You can lie on that.

I'll do my backing.

Okay.

What the fuck's going on?

I can't sleep. It's too uncomfortable.

What do you want me to do?

You could budge up a bit.

Not again.

Come on, I'm freezing.

You know, Lindy's gone to the loo twice
already.

So?

So, she might have been chucking up.

I didn't see her do anything odd
tonight.

She drank seven pints and three large
whiskies.

But she didn't get all maudlin.

She didn't start banging on about how
big she is.

She didn't mind just having nothing in
the fridge.

Only because she passed out.

You could tell she was on the verge of
doing something mad.

Like what?

Do you think I should lock the door?

In case she wakes up and comes in here
with a knife.

Why would she come in here with a knife?

If she remembers there's nothing in the
fridge.

I'll take a chance.

I'll show up and go to sleep.

Sorry.

You're

nearly

there. No.

What happened to you last night? I hit
Brian and Kurt.

And that was okay?

They didn't say anything strange?

They were very nice.

Kurt let me have his bed, which was warm
and crispy.

Morning.

Hunter.

What did she say?

She says Claire's not coming in today.

Feeling.

He's not feeling well.

Did he say what was wrong?

can take the day off. I don't see why
the fuck I shouldn't do.

Get well, Kurt.

So, did Penny talk about me in the pub?

Not that I recall, but that I can't
recall very much.

Now, Kate and Brian would have said
something this morning if she'd have

them. They wouldn't remember. So would
you please stop going on about Penny?

There's nothing to worry about.

Nothing to worry about?

You think Penny's harmless?

You think she wouldn't try and fuck up
my life?

Or yours?

Of course she wouldn't. No?

So... She wouldn't tell everyone you're
having a nervous breakdown?

A nervous breakdown?

Are you having a nervous breakdown?

Of course I'm not.

Well, according to Penny, you are.

Hi.

Well, I don't know what to do.

Should I kill her?

Or should I tie her up and amuse myself
by hurting her while she begs for mercy

and then kill her?

The killing part's what I like best.

Would you do me a favour?

You want to hurt her as well?

Of course.

But I'd rather you didn't tell her it
was me who told you about this.

She doesn't need another reason to fuck
up my life.

How's she going to do that when she's
dead?

Something wrong?

No.

Yes.

I don't know what to do.

I think someone's been going around
saying I'm having a nervous breakdown.

Why would you think that?

Are you saying I'm paranoid?

Me? No.

Why would someone say I was mental if
I'm not?

I can't imagine.

You wouldn't just make it up.

Would you?

Not unless you were some sick, twisted,
evil witch.

Did you have someone in mind?

Not really.

See ya.

Do you see Miss Trespun?

Do you know where Melanie is?

She won't be coming in today.

Oh, she's not sick as well?

No.

She's resigned.

Said she can't take anyone.

Oh.

I think she'd get bored.

She's having a breakdown.

You don't get bored if you're having a
breakdown.

Tell you what would make you look really
mental.

Wearing a straight jacket?

Walking around with a little radio
pressed to your ear, wearing rubber

and talking to yourself about leaving.

Should I do something?

Maybe if you gave her a cigarette or the
bathroom.

Thanks for speaking.

You know what else might help?

A cup of coffee.

Oh, the kettle's broken.

Can of Coke, then.

Maybe a couple of chairs so we can sit
down.

I'll try and talk to her.

Mm -hmm.

Do you think stern at our place? The
tips are over the edge. I don't know.

do you think? I don't know. That's what
I'm asking you.

Oh, give us a hand.

What are you doing?

Lindsay needs a chair. Where is she?
Sobbing her arse out with Matt.

Are you sure?

She's covered in snot. You can't fake
that stuff.

Grab a leg, will you?

Actually, I've got a bee somewhere.

Oh, that's nice.

Fuck.

Now that's an idea.

Maybe not.

What else?

Did she do anything mental last night?

No. And yet this morning she's falling
apart.

Yes. But doesn't that make you think
that maybe she's... Hayley's on the

think she's going to jump!

And here comes Gert.

Got enough people now?

You know who I'm waiting for.

And she's here too. Now can we go and
try and get some lunch?

No chance.

But I'm only staying ten minutes.

No, you're not.

They think they're trying to talk me
down.

I told you. So in ten minutes we'll
pretend I've done it.

I'm not moving?

Not until Penny begs me to forgive her
and tells the whole world that she's a

great big twat.

Some of us know that already.

She's not going to jump.

Why not?

If you really want to kill yourself, you
don't jump off a roof that's only six

feet off the ground.

If she dies, she won't head first and
crack her skull wide open. She's not

to crack her skull wide open because
she's not... going to jump. If she lands

her stomach, she'll probably explode.

Please. No, you have to stay.

For one thing, this is mostly your
fault.

My fault?

If you hadn't shagged Penny, I wouldn't
be here.

I suppose I have to admit that's true.

I still don't understand why you did
shag her, by the way. You and me both.

You've got that lovely wife.

Beautiful and amusing.

Combination I always hate, but you might
find attractive.

I do.

Just...

Seeing how I appear to be stuck up here,
and given the fact you'll be dead by

the end of the day, I feel as if I can
tell you something I do

quite a lot.

I'm afraid quite a lot suggests that
Penny wasn't the first.

No.

Or even the second.

Do I have to guess what number she was,
or are you going to tell me?

She's not going to jump.

Thank you. That's exactly what I've been
saying.

Too lazy to haul her fat arse over that
railing.

My money is on a bottle of vodka to wash
down some paracetamol. Why do you say

that? Well, she likes a drink.

She could do it lying down. If she was
going to kill herself, then maybe. But

she's not.

It's true, then.

It's true, yeah.

Jill Serber, Alison George, Helen Dale,
Pierce Nipples.

Maggie Melville, Kate Thelden. Her right
leg was shorter than her left, which

proves I can't be very choosy. Right,
I've had enough. Hang on. You can't go

yet.

If you tell me about one more short
-legged, fat arse or pierced nipple, I

really will be heading for the paving
stone.

How do you feel that way?

Ella Jane.

Bigger, tipped -eyed, short, by the way.

Perfect. Come on, let's do this.

If you don't scum on the roof for an
hour, it'll be fine.

It'll be okay, depending on you. Not
fine.

Peggy, what the fuck are you on about?
She's putting on an act. No, she's

out for help.

Well, the map was ready to talk her
down.

Don't be too right next time, Professor.

There won't be a next time.

There will be if we leave it to you.

Well, that's just me.

Honestly, I'd put it behind her. One
hand on a lump of wet black. The other

What?

See your face.

Mental.

What, 10 minutes?

You should have said something.

Like what?

All right, Lindsay, you're not dead
then.

That's nothing.

She's fine.

Absolutely fine.

I thought you weren't coming on the
phone. I wasn't.

But when I heard about Lindsay, I had to
drag myself out of my fucking bed.

Dosed myself with a few drugs I could
find and get myself down here before

great lump launched herself into space.

You know who I blame?

That great lump?

You. You live with her. You must have
seen some warning signs.

Of course you didn't.

Too busy thinking of yourself.

Why would it work this time?

I've reversed the polarity.

What? Changed the wires, right?

You don't think Penny might just be
right about Lindsay pretending she's

Why would anyone pretend they're mental?

You pretended you were gay.

Only because you said I was gay.

No -one in their right mind would
pretend to be mental.

So, either way, Lindsay really is
mental?

Yep.

I can smell burning.

That's good.

How's that good?

It shows it's heating up.

And a black smoke.

Is that good?

I've got some people to see you.

Oh, yeah?

Take a seat, please.

There's plenty of room at the front.

What's going on?

I want you to tell everyone you're not
having a breakdown.

Why would I do that? Because you're not
having a breakdown.

Who thinks I am?

There you go.

Well, I got it wrong.

Okay?

No. It's not okay.

She's not really mental. How come she
keeps staring at walls?

And forgetting what she said.

And nearly falling off the roof.

Because she's trying to make me feel bad
for spreading stupid rumours.

And I do feel bad.

So you can stop now.

Please.

Okay.

I was pretending.

I'm not really mental.

So, why did you say she was?

I was a little... confused.

I'm sorry.

A little... naive.

Immature.

Fucking stupid.

Now you're talking.

Well, the important thing is, is
Lindsay's not mental.

She really isn't.

Well, fuck you.

Fuck the love of you.

I know I'm being really stupid.

I just got jealous of you and Matt. Not
because there's anything going on, I

know, but...

Because you're so close.

Right?

Yeah, stand.

No bulimia in me.

I'm so, so sorry.

And I want to put things right.

Tell me something, anything I can do,
and I'll do it.

A bit of gobbling first, I think.

On your knees.

I'm joking. I'm joking.

I want you to sort things out with Matt.

You and him shagging is when it all
started to go wrong. I know.

So tell him you've been a twat.

I mean, believe you.

Trust me.

Did I mention the bisexual music teacher
who let me watch as she tuned the

violin? Interesting story. I think Billy
wants a word.

Bye.

I don't know how to convince you that
I'm going to.

No? It's tricky, isn't it?

Especially since last time you said we
could still be friends and you proceeded

to jump on me.

Sorry about that.

I'm sorry, I behaved really bad.

But you did too.

If we can both admit that, maybe we can
put it behind us and move on. Hang on.

You think I behave badly?

All I did was cheat on my wife and treat
you like shit.

How's that bad?

You're right. It's good. What's wrong
with me?

I've no idea. Sorry.

So am I.

No, I was saying sorry for having no
idea.

Well, that's not how I took it. Well,
it's how I meant it.

Well, too bad.

I said sorry too, so we're both sorry.

Oi! Right, I guess we are.

That's that.

Unless you want to shag me again.

No.

No, I won't.

How could anyone believe me? She doesn't
have a problem with the way she looks.

Why would she when she's so... Yes,

thank you. I think I've heard quite
enough of you for today.

I've been thinking.

If you've got it wrong about Lindsay's
being mental...

Does that mean you're mental? I didn't
get it wrong. I just made it up.

So, is Penny mental, like you said?

No, I was wrong about Penny. You were
wrong as well?

Was anyone right? About anything?

I doubt it. The point is, no one's
having a breakdown. No one's mental.

No. Why not?

Because there's something about me that
makes you want to talk.

And the one thing you want to talk about
is the women you've shagged.

And the one thing I don't want to talk
about is the women you've shagged. I'm

not going to talk about the women I've
shagged.

Promise? Promise.

Abigail Cooper.

Small mouth, large tongue.

Trini Russell.

And can I have ten large vodkas and a
bottle of paracetamol, please?

Francesca Hemmings.

I'm warning you.

Please,

shut up.