Original subtitles

I promise you that if you give me this job, I won't let you down. The students

already respect me.

Yeah, right.

What?

Well, look at you.

Another day, another £48 .99 after tax.

I had a horrible dream.

Was I in it? Not that kind of horrible. It was school.

Oh, calm down. You'll be on holiday in a couple of weeks.

Yeah.

Permanent holiday.

Oh dear, being naked means...

or afraid you'll be exposed as a sham.

Running away means you're trying to avoid being exposed as a sham.

But what were you doing there?

They didn't even notice I hadn't got any clothes on until you pointed it out.

Some friend you are.

Was anyone else naked?

No.

But then something really horrible stopped me, but I woke up before I saw

it was. Forget about it. It's just the pressure of the interview. My turn now.

Can I ask you something?

And I've got the reports and the exams and being my dad's best man. And he's

still banging on about the fucking stag night, which he now wants on the same

night as the staff do. Yeah, but he's old. It'll be over by nine o 'clock. You

can come afterwards.

What's another way of saying that George Jones is a lazy, miserable little

fucker? He shows potential but lacks motivation.

I know it's hard to focus on work when the end of term's in sight, but we

must... to make sure that years 7 to 10 get the attention they need over the

next few weeks, and we've still got to finish reports and records of

achievement. I'm doing them. I'm doing them now. I'll be a lot quicker about it

if you stop interrupting.

On the plus side, don't forget we've got the staff party on Friday.

Finally, can I see all members of the staff development group at 12 .25?

And, Bob, we need to get together with the rest of the panel and plan the

English interviews.

Plan?

What plan? What do they need to plan?

Hang on, I want to talk to you. Oh, I'm late for the exam. Talk to me on the

way.

I want some advice.

From me?

I realise it's unorthodox, but... Is it about sex?

Oh, I knew this was a mistake. No, no, what?

I was thinking we might go and talk to Claire about the head of the agent.

Are you sure you won't end up foaming at the mouth and chucking bread knives

around the bathroom like last time? Very sensitive, thanks.

No, but honestly, do you think it's a mad idea?

Why would you want to pull yourself through that again?

Has Jenny said anything to you about whether she might want to keep doing it?

Yeah, right.

She confides in me about everything.

Oh, shit, they've already done it.

Have you seen the questions?

No, I've been trying to catch your eye.

Susan wants our job back.

Thanks, Simon.

Well, you do.

I think that's a great idea.

Why don't you go and talk to Claire about it now before she has this

Do you think I'm ready for it? Absolutely.

Go on, go and talk to her.

Yeah, I will. Thanks.

I think I could... Gone too much at once, and with all the problems I was

at home, I just couldn't cope.

But I've separated from my husband and moved out, and I've really been thinking

about what I want.

I'd love you to give me one more go at the job.

I really think I could be good at it.

I know.

Otherwise I wouldn't have given you the job in the first place.

I promise you I'm ready.

To be honest...

I was going to leave things as they were for a while, but I will give it careful

thought.

Thanks.

What? I'm smiling about we are fucked.

How do you feel? I haven't always said that when I come out on an exam. No, we

really are, though. Well, you'll be fine. You answered all the questions,

you? What, so I get pissed?

All right, but don't get too overexcited. You've still got to come in

and bring your books back.

Shut up. I already brought mine back to you.

Oh, for God's sake.

Well, you've still got to come in anyway and have a drink and say goodbye.

Mr. Casey.

Mr.

Casey.

I'm in due. It's urgent.

Well, I'm in the middle of something.

No, it's urgent.

Kurt's definitely up to something.

He's disappearing.

I was meant to meet him at the break, though. What is it that's so urgent?

Well, that's it.

I think we should go and find it. Find out what he's up to.

What?

You all right?

Yeah.

Good.

Can I ask you how it went, then?

How'd it go?

All right, I think.

Claire wanted to see you. In connection with?

It's confidential.

Yes, confidential, but regarding what?

Nosey office stuff, I think.

I have something that might interest you.

Excellent. Let's hear it.

Well, it's private.

No more secrets.

Have I done something to upset you?

No. Have you heard something?

Memorise that, then eat it.

A big bad wolf has shown its razor -sharp fangs.

What's all that about?

I can't be seen to divulge confidential information.

Work it for yourself.

Am I in trouble?

What do they want? Don't they want me for the job?

It's got nothing to do with you or the job. Oh, thank fuck for that.

The mummy bear asked the wolf what it thought about the little lamb. And the

wolf opened its big fat mouth and said something it shouldn't have to the big

mummy bear.

Well, the big mummy bear must be Claire then.

Who's the lamb?

I thought it'd be Claire.

Susan. Right, fuck.

Who's the wolf then?

Who'd shaft you as soon as you look at me?

Jenny.

The mummy bear said that the little lamb wants to be a big sheep.

So does the wolf.

And now the wolf has told the mummy bear that the little lamb's too mental to be

a sheep. Liz, I don't know what you're talking about. For God's sake.

Jenny, shut it.

I've said nothing.

Oh, dear.

What do you think?

You're right. I can't concentrate.

But they know you, Simon. Going in there and spouting statistics at them after

all this time.

It's going to scare them, isn't it?

Susan wants her old job back and Jenny's fucked her over.

Were you sure you'd spoken to her?

Were you exaggerating?

No.

You don't know her like I do.

Then you've got to speak to Susan.

I don't want to upset her.

She's going to be a lot more upset if she doesn't get the job and then she

out why afterwards.

You look lovely today.

Piss off.

I'm not telling you. All the internal appointments will be announced tomorrow

morning. Whoa!

Shit.

I had the dream again and I couldn't get back to sleep.

Jenny was in here.

What was she wearing?

Was she naked? No.

I was running away from something and Jenny was blocking my way.

Calm down.

Once the interview's out of the way, you go back to dreaming about trains going

in and out of tunnels.

He had a dirty dream about you.

I'd seem I was gagged and tired if I was going along with it.

He... Didn't mention that bit.

But it's a nice idea.

Oh, I need caffeine.

Me too. I want to ask you about... Don't

overreact. Jenny's trying to shaft you.

Well?

You said don't react.

No, no, no. I said don't overreact.

Remember yesterday when she was going on about how you were ready to do Head of

Year again?

Well, she went straight off to tell Claire that you weren't up to it.

And how do you know?

You have to go and talk to Claire again. Put it straight in case she believes

Jenny. Shut up now, Simon.

It's true, I promise.

I got it from a confidential and very reliable source.

Liz never liked her either.

And I really don't like you when you get like this.

Stop it.

Anything wrong?

No.

Oh, mate.

They wouldn't dream of not shortlisting someone who's already doing the job.

When's your proper interview? Four o 'clock. Forget it.

All right, champ.

Listen up. This is important.

Whatever you do, don't fuck it up.

Good advice.

Thank you.

I mean, we can't happen on replacing you with someone even worse, can we?

Cheers.

Staff room, obviously.

Do join us, Mr King.

Suck that.

My money's on the attractive yet vulnerable one in the blue suit. What do

reckon? Oh, she's all right.

It's not looks that are important to the job, is it? What is wrong with you?

Who killed my friend and put you in his place?

That's you.

Fanta!

You all right, mate?

Yeah, all right. What are you doing?

Oh, just hanging in and hanging out.

I'll see you later.

Oh, see you.

Hey, Mum.

Have you noticed she's been acting a bit odd lately?

All the time.

I mean, more than usual.

You keep disappearing.

You won't give me a straight answer about anything.

I can't even get him to agree on a holiday.

I suppose you fancy a fortnight in Fertaventura.

I don't mean for sex or anything.

Not unless you want to.

It's very sweet, Brian. Obviously, I'd rather die, but... Well, you're looking

at a short -listed man.

So now I've got to look forward to the lovely interview.

If we're really lucky, they'll give the job to someone a little less neurotic.

Look, I didn't mean to upset you, but I didn't tell you to piss you off. I told

you because I didn't want anyone getting in the way of you getting your job

back, especially Jenny.

You see, you're doing fine up until that last bit. Is this really about me,

Simon, or is this because you're frightened that she might get in the way

getting your job?

She couldn't, could she?

So it is about you.

I was thinking about you.

Sweet.

Anyone seen Carol?

She's supposed to be doing the floats.

What are you doing?

I've got a busy afternoon.

Got to get myself psyched. Yeah, right. Look, equal amounts of cash in each box.

Yeah?

I feel good.

I feel bad.

Ain't it sad?

One day it's all going to end up in ruins.

And without a shame, because I'm here to change the total course of the world.

That's what I'm singing.

Your years here have brought you friendship.

Knowledge.

And above all, the confidence to go out into the world as valuable members of

your community.

I'm proud of you all.

I hope that when you go on to become doctors, lawyers, or even teachers,

you'll carry a bit of me into the world

with you.

Here you are, Simon.

That's baby.

He's really... young.

He's a baby.

Well, it won't be the same without you throwing up in the classroom.

I'll be back next year. My mum said she'd look after him when we're at

Yeah, of course you are.

I mean, I wasn't assuming just because you had a baby.

Yeah, you were.

What about the rest of you?

We're shitting ourselves till we get our results. What do you think?

All right, B, I've got a job to start in next week.

Really? What are you doing?

Working for my dad.

Hot carrying?

No, in the office.

Well, I ain't coming back, even if I get my exam.

Don't worry, you won't.

I assume you'll be back next year. Yeah, as long as I get the GCSEs.

Perfect.

Actually, shall I...

I brought you a present.

I use it.

Yep, you probably do.

Simon, are you nervous about what's after?

No, not really.

Nervously enough.

I'm not taking it for granted, but not stupidly nervous.

Good. I thought you might like to do the leaving speech.

Can I have your attention for a minute, please?

Shut up!

Right, I've been asked to say something, and I... Right,

uh... Those of you that are leaving, I'd like to say, good luck.

School's... all right.

for some people, but some of you obviously can't wait to leave, so...

And those of you that are staying on, I'll see you next year. Not that I'm

to be here next term. Well, I hope I will, but nothing's guaranteed, you

I mean, I really would love to come back, but it's no big deal if I'm not.

It might be okay if someone doesn't stab me in the back, but, uh, all depends on

Mrs. Hunter, really.

You know what I mean?

What I mean is, uh, good luck.

Thank you.

I've really fucked it now.

What's this?

A number for the job centre.

I can't do it, not now.

It's hereditary relaxation.

Now close your eyes.

Take deep breaths.

You're calm.

You're confident.

You're in control.

You feel all the tension draining out of your body.

Now, give me all your mind.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, very funny. Hey, you know you're going to walk it.

Off you go then.

Go and get a job.

Thanks.

This is for tired eyes.

Seem to work.

You be clever.

You be clever.

So, Simon, how do you feel about compulsory testing?

Well, I just think that the kids should be judged on more than just exam

results. Our job's about creating fully rounded individuals.

Actually, I just want them to like me.

That is great.

And how do you feel about how you relate to the other members of your

department?

Well, actually, I pretend not to like Miss Page, but deep down, I have a real

thing about her.

I'm leaving now.

I'll go down to the pub. I suppose you'll come in. I am, actually.

Everybody was cold.

I thought I'd really fucked up, but then Claire said that I'd done really well,

and I was way ahead of the other candidates.

And the rest of the panel thought so, too.

I mean, even Bob wanted me to get in.

It's brilliant.

You were the only one of the candidates who didn't live well. No.

Claire said that I was motivated and energetic.

I use that in one of my reports.

In fact, I use that in all of my reports.

This will be me next term, though.

Turn to page 32.

Today we shall be studying Calcerius Grassland.

This'll be you.

What is up with you at the moment?

Where's Carol this evening?

Any idea?

No.

She didn't tell you her plans when you were in the IT suite earlier.

Alone in a room with Carol.

How could you control yourself? Yeah, how did you control yourself?

What's going on?

More like what's coming up, isn't it, sir?

You're not... Not what?

What?

Oh, my God.

Claire probably said no.

No wonder you wouldn't tell me where you're running off to.

I like her.

Of course you like her. I will never trust another man.

Well, my work here is done.

Have a good night.

I had to dream again, which means that it wasn't about the interview.

Why am I still having it? What does it mean? It means you have very limited

imagination. I'm serious.

Well, let me get this straight. You're running along a corridor naked.

Jenny is blocking your way.

Yeah, but now there's a new bit.

I turn around and there's something horrible there, too.

A mirror?

the interview, then I think it means that you're obsessed with Jenny and

on your mind.

The last time I was going to say this, I am not obsessed with Jenny!

Well, then, maybe you're feeling really guilty about the fact that you've been

so nasty to her.

Yeah, but what about the other horrible thing?

Where are you going?

Congratulations. Thanks.

It's a miserable existence, but you deserve it.

Yes!

You didn't get it, then?

J -O -G -B -G -C -F -E.

And A -S -P -E.

Hey.

Hiya.

Hey. Some light reading for you, Vicky.

Where is she?

I tried to warn you. I said she'd gone behind you. Just tell me where she is.

I'll, um, I'll see you later.

So, Carol with Jenny's arse or Jenny with Carol's eye?

You know that's not funny anymore.

No, it really is.

Jenny!

Look, Susan, I knew you'd be upset, but I didn't ask for this.

Oh, that's not funny then.

What did Simon say?

You told Claire I wasn't up to it.

Why didn't you talk to me about this? And say what?

Jenny, are you trying to fuck me over?

But you believed him.

No, but no, you've got the job and I haven't. What am I supposed to think?

You're supposed to think that we're friends and that Simon might just have

own agenda.

Look, when I said I hadn't really thought about the job, I was being

But then Claire asked me directly if I was interested and the answer was yes.

You really... Do you really believe that Claire would make a big decision based

on a passing remark by someone who might be up for the same job? Why would he

make it up?

Come on, we've got a history, you know that.

Because he made a pass at you six months ago.

It was a lot more than that and it was a lot more recently.

I didn't tell you because it's not something I'm proud of.

So neither is he.

Well, I'm really glad I managed to get stuck in the middle of your fucked up

relationship.

You think you can explain your irrational behaviour?

She's the one who betrayed you, not me.

Well, not according to her, and why should I believe you?

I wasn't making it up. Liz told me what Claire said, and I was just trying to

protect you.

Well, all you've been doing is upsetting me.

Pissing Jenny off, of course.

Oh, fuck. My life is over.

No.

I'm the one who didn't get the job she really wanted. Your life is fine.

I'm sorry about your job, but Jenny's going to kill me.

What is it about you and her, Simon?

Did she turn you down?

She didn't turn me down. Did she tell you she turned me down? She didn't. I

turned her down.

Whatever.

I can't believe you didn't tell me.

Usually death threats tell me every horrible little detail of you.

Personal life? What's so different about this? I felt really bad about it

because of Maggie.

Bollocks. I've talked to you before. You treat me like a professional.

I've never done anything this bad before.

Well, what did you do?

Did you shag her?

Nearly.

I don't understand you, Simon.

All the time you've been telling me how much you hate her.

I do.

I hate the fact that she knows that I fancy her so much. I can't bear the fact

that Maggie's so much better than she is.

Funnier, nicer, kinder, but I'm still... And now,

Maggie's going to be sitting next to Jenny at the staff party.

Jenny is obviously going to want to ruin my life more than ever.

And I've got to leave them too while I go to my dad's stag do.

You and I are kindred spirits. I think we understand each other. I think I'll

just have the main course and not be very hungry.

No, no, no, no.

Don't you think we have a lot in common?

What's wrong with you?

Have you got somewhere else you'd rather be?

This had better be worth it.

Hi, Claire.

Don't you think we have a lot in common?

In what way exactly?

Well, we both work in a school.

We both like... What's that you're drinking? Would you like another?

Genitouric, that's why.

I was going to be so guiding this with.

Here's to Jeff and Marcella.

Let's hope they don't end up on the scrap heap like every other relationship

I've seen.

Jeff, master.

Thanks for your support.

Guess who got ahead of you?

You?

No?

Jenny?

If you want to go that badly, why don't you just go?

Well, if Simon's to be believed, it's all down to me.

I went to Claire and said that Susan's certifiable.

I've got stuff to sort out, and I didn't want to say anything.

I'm sorry,

everyone. I've got to go.

They'll be pulling it to pieces by now.

Disappointed? I'm absolutely devastated.

Are you?

Not really.

Oh, you know, you win some, you lose some.

Gorgeous.

And Miss Dennington?

Meg being humiliated.

Nobody's made a real fool of themselves yet, though. You're just in time. Great.

I don't understand why you can't give her a bit of a chance.

Why should I? She doesn't want me.

Well, I don't think she did stitch Susan up, and even if she did, Susan seems to

have forgotten about it, so why can't you?

I've had enough of this.

Oh, God.

Liz, can I have a word, in private?

Depends, what have you got to offer?

Excuse me.

Tell Maggie what Jenny said about Susan.

How am I supposed to know what you're talking about? You said that Claire said

that Jenny said that Susan wasn't up to the job and wanted it for herself.

No, I said that Claire said that Susan said she wanted the job.

Claire asked Jenny if she wanted the job, and Jenny said yes.

So she didn't actually say that Jenny said anything bad about Susan?

Well, actually, no.

So what was all that stuff about the wolf saying to the little lamb that she

too mental to be a big sheep?

I was just reading between the lines. Oh, for fuck's sake, I've been running

around accusing Jenny of being an untrustworthy, backstabbing, psychotic

That's hardly my fault, is it?

Yeah, I know.

It's only fair to say this, Dawn. I'm just going to say it now.

Straight up, no fucking around.

Jenny didn't say anything to Claire about you.

There you go, I've said it.

I know.

The question is why you said she did in the first place.

Listen, Paul, you know what she's like. She'll say anything if you think she's

going to get a Mars bar out of me.

Well, anyway, like I was saying, I got completely the wrong end of the stick.

Well, isn't it lucky you never take any notice of anything you say?

What happened? Why are you leaving? I'm on early shift, remember?

Oh, yeah.

Good. Brilliant.

Do you want me to come with you? No, you go and have a lovely time with your

mates and let me go to sleep.

No, let's go.

Party at ours.

I'm tired, Bob.

You're coming with me.

No fucking chance. You're not leaving me on my own with Keith Harris and all of

them.

I'll see you later.

I've made a right swat of myself, haven't I?

In what way this time?

I said something to Susan about you and I found out that I was, well, I was

wrong. I'm really sorry, Jenny. I really am.

I'm probably the last person you want to talk to now.

I've been really, really stupid and insensitive and judgmental and... Aren't

going to stop me?

No, I was just about to add a few myself.

Go on, then.

You know, Simon, I really can't be bothered.

I don't know what to do. What do you want me to do? Do you want to hit me?

Do you want me to hit myself?

Do you want someone else to hit me?

What about that bloke over there?

I could ask him if he wants to hit me. Shut up, Simon.

Oh, thank God for that.

I was getting frightened by all that I'm not angry, I'm disappointed stuff.

Where do you get the energy to keep hating me so much?

I don't hate you.

What makes you think I hate you?

Everything you do and everything you say.

All right, I used to think I hated you. I probably went around telling everyone

I hated you, but then I realised I was just a bit

scared of you.

And when we were shut together in that cupboard, what were you then?

Hating me or scared of me?

Listening after you.

That's always been fairly consistent.

What, even now?

Yeah.

You must have looked after me, a bit.

Just for half an hour?

In a cupboard?

Well, you must have.

Want to come to mine? Yeah.

Take the next turn left.

he goes to show you to live with what you don't know every step you

Oh, don't tell me. Can I talk to you? Do I have a choice?

I'm in a real mess.

I assume you've come out of Jenny's bedroom and not climbed through the

We made up and it was really nice.

No, not yet. She's still asleep.

I had the dream again.

You can't make a big life decision based on a dream.

What you can do is sit down and ask yourself why you're having the dream in

first place.

Why am I having the dream?

No. You've got to ask yourself.

It's too hard. I don't know the answer.

All right.

Let's take it step by step.

Do you want to go out with Jenny?

I don't think so.

Do you want to stay with Maggie?

I can't now, can I, after what I've just done?

No, that's too easy.

Pretend nothing happened with Jenny.

No. Do you want Maggie?

I can't pretend nothing happened.

Because it's not like it was just last night. I've been thinking

about this happening for months.

Well, now it has happened, maybe we'll sort it out.

You've got it out of your system, you can go home to Maggie and...

Get on with it. Yeah.

Either way, you're the only one who can decide what you want or

don't want.

But once you've decided, try to remember there are other people involved.

Do the right thing.

What do you want me to say to Teddy?

Something nice.

You mean something that will get you off the hook and make her feel good about

herself and keep alive your newfound friendship but without giving her any

hope.

Yeah.

I wish I fancied you.

Leave now.

Not now.

But you have a nice time.

Oh, really?

Well, tell me about it in the morning.

And get in my bed.

I want to talk to you.

What about?

What have you done now?

I'm tired.

Well, I've just been thinking about things.

You're scaring me.

I really like you. I think you're funny

and kind and lovely.

Yeah, but...

I just think there needs to be something more than that, and there isn't.

You don't dump me.

No.

Well... Good.

Do you want me to go?

Invitation makes you feel fly. If you will, devil may ride.

When the invitation makes you feel fly.

If you will, devil may ride. When the invitation makes you feel

fly. Did you ever leave a child in the inspiration that will

ride?

And everybody wants a good time.

Yeah.

To me, definitely the worst thing about the last century was the tragic death of

Princess Diana.

I mean... Oh, I think she was fine.

It's all... How the fuck have you been?

We've been waiting for you, man.

Okay, that's a drink, man.

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