All language subtitles for Teachers s01e07

All I'm saying is that if blokes had
breasts, we wouldn't hold them in such

reverence, would we?

You've got to ask this, haven't you?
Does it stop you putting them on a

pedestal? Jesus, you. And the doctor.

If you had the choice, what would you
have?

A woman's tits or a woman's arse?

Tits.

Easier to play with.

Whoa.

Are you ready for the tour de force?

I don't know that I can take anymore.

This time, our downloaders created a
piece of scanning genius.

Oh, what?

That's extraordinary.

Is that inspired? Or is that inspired?

Cowabunga.

You're quite sexy, actually.

In a really strange and perverse kind of
way.

You carry that mental picture into your
interview. You might get more than a job

off that.

Have you, um, done your... What's your
application for? I'm still sorting it.

Closing date's day off for tomorrow.

How do you know?

I bothered you with the notice card.

So what the fuck am I doing sitting here
with you shadows staring at Claire's

passport?

Who's he calling?

Bados? He's sitting here looking at a
handful of dead people.

Fair play.

It's all you will ever be.

All that you've got and all that you
feel.

It's all you will ever be.

Hmm.

There, there, not mine.

I confiscated them from the boys'
school.

I brought them home for a lot.

They were just in my bag.

You mean you and your mates have been
drooling over them down the pub?

No. Be honest.

Susan was that safe.

You are a very sad man.

You've got drool on your cheek.

You were a therapist, weren't you?

I helped out at an old people's home,
yeah.

Helped out, meaning?

On the catering side.

Oh, you were a cook.

Well, I delivered sandwiches there.

Well, they're not going to check up, are
they?

You were also a nursery school helper.

Flamed sandwich round.

What? What's happened?

All right, I'll change it.

Can I have a cup of coffee?

Fucking stop!

So, when are you getting the dirty, Mac?

It's getting good.

I'm starting to see people in a whole
new light.

Don't even go.

Look at this lot. All the chemistry
left.

It's just it.

First things first.

Angie's off. Bob's agreed to cover Year
11 this morning. And, Stephen, it's your

turn for 8F.

Now, the ongoing problem we have with
the pictures circulating the school.

This is an example of the kind of thing
that's now being distributed.

Mr McKenna.

Any luck narrowing down where this
material might be coming from?

I think we can safely say it's European.

Can we?

If you catch anyone with this stuff on
them, it's your duty to report it to me

ASAP.

I also want you to incorporate the topic
into your tutorial group discussion.

Let's tackle it head on!

Did you see that?

What?

Stephen put some of those disgusting
pictures into his briefcase.

Doing his own work. Dirty old shite. You
take it home.

Ah, only for research purposes.

You don't think this could upset some
people?

It's a picture of a naked woman. It's
not like we've never seen one before.

It's not in the flesh, eh, Jeremy?

Are you having trouble?

I'm busting out of everything and my
teeth are swelling up like melons. My

will probably break in a minute.

Some people feel that this kind of
material is inappropriate at school.

What's inappropriate about it? Well,
it's... good shoes.

But she's gorgeous.

She's also naked.

Do you have a problem with that? Me?
Yeah.

Well, I... No.

I suppose it's, um... Do you feel
aroused?

Sorry? Bit of a tingle. A what?

In the trouser area.

Go on.

Admit it. Admit it.

Oh, go on, admit it.

It's the school talkie, not you.

I bet you've got loads of magazine stuff
to wear.

I'm not talking about what people do in
the privacy of their own homes. I'm

talking about publicly.

And, you know, if this kind of material
makes you feel uncomfortable, then you

have a duty, a right to reporting. So
I'd report them.

Usually you report people in authority,
like bosses,

clergymen. Teachers.

Teachers? Yeah.

And they could get into trouble if it
got out that they'd been looking at the

girls?

If that's what you thought they were
doing then, then yeah.

Right. What?

Just right.

As in right that's interesting or right
I have something to report?

Just right at the moment.

Right.

I got a feeling that you had something
on your mind. Did you?

About someone who'd been looking at you.

Oh, yeah, yeah. I have to stress you
must be absolutely positive that this

authority figure was definitely looking
at your... My tits. Yeah. Yeah, he does

it all the time. He doesn't. He does.

He did it in French this morning.

French?

Oh, well, well, then you must do what
you have to do.

Report it to the proper authority.

Well, that's you then, isn't it?

Yeah, yeah, yeah, I suppose it is.

Did Mr Gilbert see anything?

It was Mr Gilbert who did it. Bob?

Yeah, he looked at me.

Bob did?

Look, you said I should report it, so
I'm reporting it, OK?

Yeah, uh, leave it with me.

I need you.

What? Now, please.

Back on question two. All name.

Ah, I've had a complaint.

What kind of a complaint?

A behaving inappropriately with a
student kind of complaint.

What have you done?

Not me.

Christ.

What made you think it could be me?

Who's the complainant against?

Bob.

Pauline Young caught him staring down
her blouse.

Have any of the other girls complained?

No, but if you were Bob, what sits would
you look at in that classroom?

Pauline's... Pauline's decided to make
an official complaint.

Who put that idea in her head?

What are we going to do?

We? I've tried every trick in the book
to crawl up Bob's ass.

This could ruin everything. I need your
help.

Do you know what to do?

Do I?

What do your instincts say?

Run away.

After run away.

Talk to Bob and sort it out.

Very good.

Then run away?

Have you seen Bob?

Let me see.

No.

Simon, another application form for you.

Took most of the day to chase this one
up.

Cheers.

Can I ask you a question?

Can I stop you?

bloke who looks at women's... breasts.

Oh, I've never seen you looking at mine,
but then that may just be mine.

No, no, no, no. I have looked at yours.

Have you? I mean, sometimes when I think
that you've got great ones, not that

I'm constantly... I think that answers
your question.

Don't lose that one.

They're in great demand.

How many have you sent out?

A list.

She made a list.

Of course she did.

Twelve. For how many jobs?

Just yours.

Twelve applicants?

That's just this week. Fuck.

Twenty -three in all.

Deadlines tomorrow.

Do you know how many people have applied
for my fucking job?

I'm surprised.

Twenty -three.

Well, the more reason to appear keen and
eager.

Maybe I should just quit while I'm
ahead.

You said yourself the only real
advantage I have is being able to smile

people while I'm here, and I can't even
do that properly.

Bob sees straight through, and that's
before I've told him about Pauline.

You're probably being too obvious.

I'm just being nice.

It unnerves people.

You're right. What's the point?

So, what are you going to do with the
rest of your life? Now you're not going

be a teacher.

Well, I don't mean I'm going to give up.

I want this job.

Miserable as it is, it's all I've got.

I'm stuck whining. Come round to the
flat this evening. We could go over the

application. You mean Jenny's?

Yeah. Come to Jenny's flat?

It could be in by tomorrow. It could be
in by tomorrow.

Well, I'll ring and notify Igor that's
boom and I'm coming, Shark.

I bet she doesn't even have a telly,
does she? She does, actually.

Sofa? Yeah.

Strange. I always imagined her listening
to organ music, hanging upside down

from a beam.

Shall we say 8 .30?

Come to the pub.

I can't, I've got a fever.

I'm more arsed than you.

I wish.

What's it about?

I had a confidential in -school private
matter which I can't divulge to anyone.

What is it?

I just said I can't tell you.

I thought you were just building it up
for us.

Pauline Young's complaining about him
looking at her.

Chef, then as I'm in charge of Year 11's
personal care, I've got to deal with

it.

Shit, that fucks me right up.

Wrote down by Pauline Young's text.

Erica Roberts from last year. Now, there
was a girl. Oh, yeah.

She had trouble seeing a keyboard in 19.

Simon?

Simon?

Oh, yeah, hurry. I can't stop.

Just take a minute. I wanted to ask your
advice.

Penny's someone who's well -known for
his wisdom.

What are you doing here?

Can't I just turn up on my son's
doorstep spontaneously?

No. What's wrong?

Why should something be wrong?

Because that's the way my day's been.

23 fucking applicants.

I've got to be out of here.

Me and Marcella, why is it that just
when you think you've got everything

sorted, something comes along and fucks
you up?

I don't know.

Then to cap it all, I get landed a
nightmare scenario between a...

A teacher and a young girl's chest.

Sounds interesting.

He's been caught looking at her breasts.

This teacher, it isn't you, is it?

No. Why do people keep saying that?

Well, if it's not you, what are you
worried about?

This is the bloke I've got to suck up to
for the interview.

And now I've got to accuse him of being
a dirty old man.

So what are you going to do about it?

The only thing I can do is find some
other sucker to deal with it.

Sorry, do you want to... Cup of tea.
Well, I thought we might have something

bit stronger.

I've no idea there are so many wedding
catalogues in the world. The amount of

stuff she's ordered.

Time check?

9 .15.

Oh, shit. That's before we get near the
reception.

So I want you to be my best man. Help
sort things out for us.

Yeah, whatever.

No need to sound so chucked.

Well, it was hardly presented as the
role of the year, was it?

I want you to be best man to help sort
things out.

And with the exams coming up, my
interview, if I get one.

Have you thought about this back night?

Oh. Of course you have.

So is the bride and the best man who are
flapping about like maniacs while the

groom orders his students to sit on his
arse until the wedding.

I need to get out of here. I could ask
Eric to do it. No, no, I'm not saying I

won't do it.

We could meet up tomorrow, go through
this properly, see where we've got to.

See where we've got to by tomorrow?

You're hopeful.

It's getting a little mixed.

Is Susan in?

She is. Great.

Can I come in? Do I have a choice?

No.

I'm late.

Are you?

Yeah, yeah, just to see my dad.

He's, uh...

Asked me to be his best man, so now I
thought, you've got to do this, you've

to do that. Fascinating.

Actually, I wanted a word with you.

I've got a little problem to sort out on
the school front. I'm not talking to

Bob. Has Susan told you?

Oh, yeah.

There's absolutely nothing you could
offer that would entice me to spoil my

relationship with Bob.

I'll leave that for you to do.

How

many other

people have you told about Bob?

It's Jenny.

Well, how the hell am I supposed to get
someone to help me out if they're all

pre -primed? Shall we just get on with
the form?

Well, if I don't sort this, there'll be
no point filling it out.

Might be all right.

Oh. Bob might die.

Yeah, you could get Pauline Young to
flash her chest at him and induce a

attack.

What's your definition of a dirty old
man?

Stephen.

More specific?

I don't know.

A bloke who lusts after young girls.

Do you know the eyes?

I think so.

Every time.

I've heard notice before, but you've got
quite small, shifty little eyes,

haven't you?

They're big and they don't shift.

Oh, another sign of a sweaty upper lip.

But the sad fact is that all men are
like that.

No, we are fucking not.

You all end up there sooner or later.

Bollocks. What about my dad? He's all
right. How do you know?

Because he's in my dad's.

You want a tissue for that lip?

Did you talk to him about that?

Yeah, yeah, I did, actually.

What did he say?

Not much.

Jeff is not a dirty old man, all right?
And I'm not going to be one. Why are you

saying this?

It could have something to do with your
preoccupation, some might say obsession,

with all things sexual.

I'm not obsessed.

I just like women.

Is that so bad?

Not yet.

In 30 years' time.

Hello, Stephen.

So you were there all night and you
didn't even start it.

Do women look at men?

Only when we have to.

No, I mean lustfully.

Cool.

So it's not just bloat then?

No, it's just bloat, but truth is it's a
full -time job.

You're late, by the way.

I'm dealing with it, Chloe.

Go and talk to Bob now.

I need to make a call to a mate of
Dad's.

Coward. I will talk to him. I just got
other things on.

Wedding business.

The sooner you get it sorted, the
better.

Back on those 0800 numbers.

Eric.

Simon Casey.

Yeah. Yeah, yeah, you too.

Look, I'm desperate to get some raunchy
stories about Jeff when my best man

speaks.

If you're looking for raunchy, you've
come to the right place.

My name's Roxanne. Can you guess what
I'm wearing?

Look, I know there's not much scope, but
I'll go with whatever you've got. Oh,

you're a cheeky one and make no mistake.

Did he?

Who?

Yeah, and I'm feeling hot for you, big
boy.

Yeah? Yeah?

Yeah. Yeah, yeah, you do that.

Yeah.

Fuck. What did he say?

Beverly from the wine bar, Jackie,
Carolyn, Louise, Belinda from accounts.

God, he's going to fax the rest of you.
I mean, my dad's been through more women

in the last three years than I have in
ten.

My dad's not obsessed with fax.

This does not make him a dirty old man.

No, I don't... In my book, it makes him
a top man.

You measure a man by how many women he's
been to bed with, do you?

Well, I know it's not an ideal gauge,
but... Geoff, for a woman, you'd be

calling him slut.

You say that like it's a bad thing.
Don't you dare.

I'd quite like to have a chance to be a
slut.

Yeah, if Geoff's got his plate full.

Organise your arguments.

But be prepared to explore opposing
views.

Remember, the best way to achieve
results is to anticipate

what the questions are going to be.

Look at old exam papers.

What kind of journey is the central
character on?

How is he or she changed?

Simon?

Simon?

Bev's not feeling too good.

I just need to take a quick walk around.

All right. Go with her.

The rest of you, get on.

How did he get his soap scenes?

Laser imaging.

Cocky little bastard.

What do

you want now?

I've got a problem.

Just the one.

No, well, yeah, in a way. Make it quick.

I was saying to Susan just yesterday,
the kids here, you know, butter wouldn't

melt, but then you run into them in
town, and particularly the girls, well,

look at least ten years older.

It could be easy for us to, you know,
let thoughts get in the way.

Not that they do, it's just that the
girls, they've got...

I mean, they look...

Great.

Do they?

Some might say.

Not me.

No, no, no, no, of course not. I'm not
saying. It's just that sometimes, you

know, when boredom gets the better of
you. Look, is there something specific

wanted to ask me about the girls?

What?

What? Are you having trouble controlling
your feelings? Is that what this is all

about? No. Because if it is... I'm not.

Good.

So, if I look at you for more than ten
seconds, you find it unnerving?

I find two seconds unnerving.

What are you saying constitutes a bona
fide litre?

Twelve seconds?

Fifteen? I don't know.

Can we stop this now?

Why? Because it's boring.

This is scientific research.

You're undermining women as people.

Stop taking it out on everybody.

You bottled it with Bob, no one else.

I didn't bottle it. I just... You've got
to choose the moment carefully.

Is it all right?

It's as good as it's going to get.

Excellent.

What are you giving me that for? The
deadline's gone.

You said Wednesday.

Correct me if I'm wrong. Today is
Wednesday.

Yeah, it's after office hours. I'm a
civilian.

So you're not going to take it?

I only get paid till 3 .30.

Bring it to me tomorrow with a finger of
fudge and a caramac, and I'll think

about it.

Do you want another drink?

You're buying.

Carol asked you.

Did she?

When?

I've got to go and listen to Jeff going
about the wedding now.

Have you got in touch with Cynthia,
Madeleine, Roberta?

The rate he's going, I bet he shags 60 %
of the wedding guests, plus most of the

catering staff.

I mean, no fucking woman is safe.

Has he ever tried it on with you?

We've all had your dad, dear.

You've changed your tune.

Well, I've just realised it's all true.

That's the trouble.

I'll get you one, and then I'll go.

Same again?

Half with you.

Sorry? She'll go halves with you.

Would you stop doing that?

What? That translating is scary.

You're not staying for the round.

What did she need to do?

Perhaps she can shift some air.

Hollow legs.

An eye that starts to focus after eight
points.

Where are you going?

Oh, I'm getting back early.

It'd be nice to be the flat in daylight.

Oh, right.

Why?

Can I have a beer as well?

So, how was your day?

Beverly, Belinda, Caroline, Jackie.

Ring any bells? What?

I could go on.

Glennis, Trudy, Julia, Lindy. Who have
you been talking to?

I phoned up Eric to get some stories for
my best man speech. And I end up

listening to a roll call of your last 25
conquests. You could have asked me.

I was planning this wild stag night.

Pub, stripper gram, nightclub.

But then I find out that nothing I could
organise could ever top the last three

years of your private life.

In fact, how about a half a lager and a
round of whist at the Legion? Make a

pleasant change. I mean, I defended you
to Jenny and Susan, but maybe they were

right. About what?

You, us, men.

We're all the same. In what way?

Obsessed with sex.

Are we?

Aren't we? Well, I'm not.

What about you?

I'm going for a piss.

Cheers.

You have people in at the station.

I mean, people who've been caught
stealing underwear or something

or flashing.

What kind of people are they, normally?

I don't know.

Sales assistant, managing directors,
teachers.

No, no, no, I'm being serious.

Yeah, so am I.

Yeah, but they're usually old, though,
right?

No, actually, the young ones are the
worst.

They usually stem from some kind of
sexual inadequacy.

Oh, then fuck.

What? Well, I am totally adequate when
it comes to sex.

Well, that's hardly something to boast
about, is it?

Well, I have no sexual hang -ups,
therefore I...

Can't be a sexual deviant, therefore I
am not a pervert.

I am not a pervert!

What

you'd

like to know?

Claire was looking for you.

What for?

Pauline Young's mum called.

She didn't, did she?

No. Cow.

Your form's due in today, though.

I'll give it one last glance and then
get it straight through you. By the end

the day, please.

We've got a week to wait through for to
have a crack from the shite.

Serious.

Claire was looking for you, though.

Yes.

Have you seen Claire?

I've just got in. What? She's looking
for me.

What if Pauline Young has gone over my
head or Mum's phoned up the school or

Bob's had a moment of remorse and
blabbed the whole thing to Claire?

I told you to sort it out.

This could ruin my chances of getting
the job.

Keep your head down.

See Bob before Claire sees you.

Good thinking.

One of us has got to try.

Simon! I've been looking for you.

Vice, Bertha.

Something's come up, and I want you to
deal with it.

It concerns a year 11 pupil.

That's why I'm here.

Let's try and keep it discreet for the
time being.

Aye.

Follow me.

The situation's got completely out of
hand.

You understand we can't just ignore it
now.

The best thing you can do is admit that
you're fucked up and face the

consequences.

Do you want to give me that?

So now what?

Well, Mrs. Hunter wants to see you, but
she'll probably only suspend you for a

couple of days, so just stay at home and
do your revision.

It's fine.

And if I ask them to explain, they end
up looking wound up fat.

Well, I've dealt with our friendly
neighbourhood porn distributor.

Delicate situation, tactfully handled,
case closed.

Who was it?

Ian Potter.

Ah, makes sense. His dad's a website
designer.

His mum's a porn queen.

It's a joke.

Oh, look who his tutor is.

What's that supposed to mean?

Well... Should there be a lack of moral
guidance at home, it's psychologically

proven that the child automatically
turns to the most surrogate parents.

all that girl.

Sadly, in Ian's case... Fuck off.

This is his latest batch, yeah?

I can definitely see your influence in
these.

Well, he's very talented, he's just a
bit misguided.

But very... perceptive.

Little fuck!

Oh, kill him!

I'm just in a tactful mood.

Maybe you should go and talk to Bob.

Oh, Bob.

Can I have a word in private?

Just can I have a cup of tea?

I'll bring it with you.

Can't I wait?

No, this time, no.

All right, you've got five minutes.

It's a new tactic, the kiss in my arse.
It's not working.

I'd rather not talk about kissing arses,
please.

How's this all about?

I won't beat around the bush.

I've received a complaint about you from
a pupil.

Who?

Pauline Young. She felt that you were
looking at her in an

inappropriate manner. What?

She said that you were leering at her
breath.

When?

The day before yesterday, in French.

She, uh...

She made a complaint to me and now I'm
selling it out.

You jokes have little shit.

If we can't sort this out civilly, then
I'll be forced to take the matter

further.

And I think that Claire will be a lot
harder on you than me.

Oh, do it.

What? Take it to Claire. I've got
nothing to hide.

I'd like to think that I... We can sort
this out amicably without taking it any

further. Yeah, so you can come up
smelling of roses. Fuck you!

And that we can manage to maintain a
good working relationship in the future.

Future? You have no future here.

This needn't become personal. It already
is.

I'm trying to help you. No need to fill
this out because you haven't got a

snowball's chance in hell of getting
this job.

Are you in today?

I don't give a toss!

It wasn't personal, it was political.

How does creating a picture of me
sagging bob make it political?

Well, you said yourself that making
women into sexual objects was bad, so I

tried to balance it up.

Good thinking.

See? I do listen.

Sometimes.

Hey, what's that?

That... That is my life in ruins.

How does it feel to be hot off the
press?

Like it actually happened.

I want an appointment with Claire and a
new phone, please.

What happened to the other one?

Simon.

Oh, sis.

Oh, Ian.

I can't be in a position of authority
and not expect to be unpopular from time

to time.

Goes with the territory.

How would you know?

I've finally fucked up my relationship
with Bob for good.

Which is why you're working on that.

Much good it's going to do me.

Why don't you go and talk to Claire?

Try having another word with Pauline.

I'm never talking to a woman again.

I'm a woman.

Not to me.

Thanks.

What have you got?

Bob, I know that you're angry right now,
but I think if we could sit down and

talk about this over a drink...

We'd be able to find a way. Fuck me.

You want to get him back on your side?
You want to go out with him?

Maybe it could do with being a bit
informal.

All right.

I know that you're angry, but I believe
that it's important that we maintain a

professional relationship, even if we
don't see eye to eye...

professionally.

Repeat a professional, man.

It all sounds a bit poncy to me.

I'm trying to manufacture sincerity.

I just thought you'd have mastered that
by now.

Is that for me?

Thank you.

That's good work. Read the handling of
our resident pornographer.

I was, uh...

Fair but tough.

Good. But it can't be seen to condone
that kind of behaviour.

Oh, I know.

Do you mind if I have my say? We were
just talking about... I know what you

talking about.

Whatever he said to you was total
rubbish.

I'm sorry.

He's blown it out of order. We were
just... Ian Potter.

Ian Potter? There's no excuse for that
kind of behaviour.

Oh, I know.

That's what Hyman was saying.

Was it?

You agree with him?

Yeah, of course.

Are you two having problems?

I, uh... If you are, get them sorted.

Bob! Simon!

I can't stop. In bed.

What's bed?

In here.

I can't go in there.

Her walls are broken.

Do you know what'll happen to me if I go
in there? Come on!

Did Mr.

Gilbert stare at your breasts? Stop
that, please.

Depends what you mean by stare.

Well, you need to be certain, Pauline,
especially if you want it reported.

Well, Simon's been about reporting it.

Simon? Oh, get her! Oh, no, no, no, no,
no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,

no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,
no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,

no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,
no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,

no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,
no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,

no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,

no,

Do you want this matter taken any
further?

No.

Stand back. Give her space.

I'm doing really well.

OK? OK.

OK.

OK. Calm down, Mr Casey.

OK.

I had a word of calling.

Did you?

She said you told her she had to report
Bob.

What were you doing?

Well, I said it before I knew it was
Bob.

Oh, well, that makes it so much better.

You're going to have to apologise to
him, you know.

Fuck that.

You owe it to him.

Couldn't I just cut off my right arm and
call it quits?

No.

Whoa.

You look like you could use a drink.

I've got one more act of colossally
major grovelling to do first.

Bob.

Probably my last act at the school.

I'd be really pissed off if they got rid
of you.

Thanks.

Wine? Because you make him look good.

Can you walk, please?

Quiet.

Boss, it looks like we've cleared up the
supply with those pickles. That's very

good news.

What?

What?

You looked at my chest.

No, I didn't. You did.

You definitely looked at my chest.

Did I? I wasn't aware that... You
glanced down.

mean to.

Bob, I thought... Look, no, I thought...
It's stupid.

I understand you did what you did. Yeah,
but I shouldn't have tried to... Do

what you thought... Yeah, but... Look, I
need this job.

Me too.

Look, are you going to take this thing
any further?

No, no, no, it's all being sorted.

Agree to forget the whole thing?

Absolutely.

Great.

No more to be said?

Nope.

What are you looking at? I'm looking at
my mate's breast. He is, he's looking at

my breast.

I knew it wouldn't pass.

I'm just wondering which one's salt and
vinegar.

Oh!

Burger, all my dreams.

Beth had a little boy.

£7, 8 ounces, 5 .30.

I'm organising a card.

Of course you are.

So is it sorted with Bob, then?

Yeah, yeah, yeah, I think so.

You see?

You're not completely useless.

Good. Now that... It's over with. What's
your next crisis?

Job interview?

Dad's wedding?

Dying, having had less sex than him?

Becoming a dirty old man?

Yeah.

No point worrying about the interview.

I think it'd be you to say.

Then I really wouldn't stand a chance.

You pick yourself down too much. No, I
just get in before anyone else does.

Your dad's wedding will be fine. Just
get up, speak to a room full of people

aren't their snooze.

Again, do that every day.

Less sex than your dad.

Well, it's all about quality, not
quantity.

Next you'll be telling me the penis size
doesn't matter.

That's for turning into a grubby old
deviant, you know, different from any

bloke. And that's supposed to make me
feel better.

that means there's nothing abnormal
about you.

The worst thing I could say about you is
you're incredibly normal.

Was that good or bad?

That's up to you.

So are you saying I don't have to become
a dirty old lech?

You've got as much chance as the next
man.

Does this mean I can start looking at
breasts again?

You don't agree with me yet?

Have a quick look at yours.

Come on then. It's been another 30 years
since we've started worrying about

this, so make some noise.