All language subtitles for Teachers s01e04

I thought about having friends in high
places before, but it's really great.

At least I can get completely rash -arse
during the week and not have to worry

about anyone breathing down my neck.

Could you have been there with me?

Yeah, you take over year eight as well.

No, Brian, because then I'll be in
charge of you.

If you're so pleased about it, then
maybe I can run something past you.

Go on, then. Let's hear your lovely
plans.

I've got to redefine the policy of our
past repair, though.

Look, now, you've changed my mind.

No, Susan, it sounds really interesting.

Tell us about it.

Don't spare any of the details.

Tell you what, I won't bother.

Thank God for that. Who wants another
drink?

Not now.

Shots. I'm going to go and seduce
Maggie.

OK. Jenny and Susan.

Or Maggie.

Leave me out of it.

Maggie. No, disrespect.

Susan and Jenny.

Or Maggie.

Me.

Actually, I've always found you
strangely betrothed.

If that had been for Maggie, I would
have chosen you.

Liar. Anyway, what makes you think I'd
want you to choose me?

Because I know you love me. And you're
just hanging around in an aged

relationship waiting for me to come to
my senses and whisk you away. But

obviously that's never going to happen
and you're going to die embittered.

If you don't stop now, I'll have to kill
you.

If you do this on Thursday, Peter will
kill you.

What's happening on Thursday?

Me and Maggie are going to dinner with
her and Peter. Can we come?

No. I'll be rubbish then.

Well, I'm really looking forward to it.

She's my gorgeous girlfriend.

And I want her to meet all my wonderful
friends.

Carry on like that.

You won't have any left.

I couldn't help it.

Because I think you're really, really
right.

I'm over it, God.

What happened?

You talked shite, got a bit amorous. I
tried to seduce you and then you lost

consciousness.

Did I?

Yeah.

Took all me clothes off, dancing about,
got the baby all out. It's no good.

You didn't, did you?

No. But it wouldn't have made any
difference if I had.

You should have tried that.

Thing that you do. I do?

That's the first time, that's the first
night we haven't had sex.

Well, have that one sooner or later.

And you'll go first.

Definitely. Yeah, it's got to be Bob.

I saw him telling himself off in the
mirror yesterday. Oh, he does that all

time. But look at her.

She's right on the edge.

Fiver.

Be nice to me about this.

Right, this will only take a second.

I've done a new pastoral care programme
and I wanted to give you these for this

week's topic.

Ah, sex.

My favourite subject. These are for Year
11 form tutors only.

Why are we ever going to learn? I'll buy
you lunch if you both piss off now.

Right.

The idea is to make sure that each topic
is discussed in the right social

context. So, for example, when we talk
about sex, we talk about it in the

context of marriage and permanent
relationships, that sort of thing.

Morning, everyone.

Just wanted to check you're all on top
of coursework folders.

All in by Friday, please.

Remember, we all need good results, not
just for kids.

So, um, I've done up this questionnaire
to get us started.

Do we have to do it today?

Don't panic.

I've done the background for you. It's
all quite straightforward.

Four o 'clock, my office coursework.

So right for you, Jenny.

Fine.

Claire has insisted that we get on with
it as soon as possible. How come we

didn't ask whether it was all right for
me?

You were saying?

I was trying to say.

It's high priority.

So, give it a go today, and we'll catch
up again tomorrow and see how we got on.

OK? Is that it?

That's it.

Oh, and try not to get into
homosexuality.

But I've got child troney in my class.

Luke, try and get them talking.

We all know that once you're in a
relationship, gay or straight, the sex

fucked anyway. So it doesn't really
matter what you say.

So do you know that's true?

I mean, is it like a law of the
universe?

Obviously I know what you're talking
about.

That relationship, sex, death thing. I
mean, is that what's happened with you

and Peter?

Yeah, that's right. We only do it on
Sundays by appointment with the lights

If at all.

Really? No.

Is it better to wait until you're in a
stable relationship before having sex?

Can you have a good relationship without
having sex?

How long do you think you should go out
with someone before considering sleeping

with them?

What was the question again?

Can you have a good relationship without
having sex?

Yeah. With my mum.

Let's look at another question.

Is sex better in a stable relationship?

Well, you tell us. You're the one that's
got one.

Well, it can get a bit... We're supposed
to be discussing what you lot think.

You tell me.

No, you tell us. No, you tell me. Well,
we don't know.

Doesn't all the sex stop once you settle
down? Yeah, my mum and dad haven't done

it for years.

Stopped already, hasn't it? Mm -hmm.

I feel sorry for your girlfriend.

Yeah, dancing around in her underwear
and you didn't take a blind bit of

I'll probably do it before you do.

So will we.

I'm not talking about tits, Cheryl. What
is it?

Right. Have you ever been out with
someone who didn't want to have sex with

It's Greg. He's just not into it.

Do you think it's possible that even
though you're mad about each other, the

thrill of sex has waned now you're in a
relationship?

No.

We haven't done it at all.

Oh, right.

Maybe seeing someone else.

It's always possible.

Yeah, so what should I do?

Well, maybe... What do you want to do?

I want to have sex with him.

Right.

Well... What, do you think that makes me
a slug?

No, of course not.

I don't know. Are you?

But just because you've reached that
once a week on a Wednesday... Well, I

haven't. We still do it. It's just...
Look, if... If you want it to work out,

just explain to him how you feel.

How? Tell him what you said a minute
ago.

Yeah, but what if he says no?

Well, if you're not... If there's no,
er... spark, then what's the point?

So it's OK when you want some tea?

Eh. Go on, why not?

Cheers, Tommy.

Oh, Mark, I thought I'd missed you. I
need to talk to you. Can I have a look

that? Uh, I think my whole life's about
to fall apart.

Simon, if you and Maggie have got
problems with your sex life, we need you

talk to me tonight, because I don't know
if I can bear to hear the details.

Forget it. Can we have a chat about the
questionnaire?

Um, can I... Talk about it tomorrow.

Yes, but I thought I might be able to
help you out a bit. I prepared a load of

stuff when I was doing your job and we
haven't really had a hand in it. I say I

was going to go and have a fag.

I don't mind.

Do you have an issue with how I've done
it?

I think there are some aspects that
could be looked at in more detail.

Such as?

Well, I did a load of research into all
areas of sex education when I first took

the job on. You'd be welcome to have a
look at it. She hasn't got time to

to my problems, but somehow she can make
time for Jenny.

I've got more than enough stuff to wade
through as it is.

OK.

Susan with Jenny's arse or Jenny with
Susan's tits? Oh, no contest.

How about Maggie or Cagney and Lacey
both with their own arses and tits?

She's my friend, not Jenny's.

So, are you and Susan talking about
anything special?

If it was any of your business, I might
tell you.

Greg Simmons is in your form, isn't he?

And?

Is he all right, do you think?

If you consider collecting Jeffrey
Dahmer memorabilia and shooting small

at weekends all right, then yes, I
suppose he is.

Has he come to you with any personal
problems?

That's Susan's department now.

OK.

These are the marking schemes for all
three pieces of coursework. Now, you

collate the appropriate components of
the sonnet essay mark with those of you,

the bridge, and of mice and men.

And in order to try to salvage
somebody's pitiful or non

-existent sex lives...

I propose that we exchange our sexual
insecurities together as a group to see

that makes for a stimulating solution.
So let's start with the most extreme

in the group.

Simon!

What? Swap your coursework for objective
comparison later in the week.

I'm dead.

We're going to need more detail here,
mate.

I needed out of a hole, so I dictated an
essay to the class and told them to

rewrite it in their own words.

Nice one.

They've all made exactly the same
mistakes. They've got practically the

grades. Apart from one swatty little
freak who couldn't just cheat like

else, don't know. He had to go and do it
himself.

So now my best student's got the worst
mark and she'll spot it.

Relax. Who cares about other people's
marks?

If Jenny were talking about, it wouldn't
be so bad, but now my personal

life's falling apart and Susan's
deserted me.

We don't mind listening to you dribble
on if it makes you feel better.

Have you ever worried that

things aren't working out, you know?

Sexually? All the time, mate. It's
nothing a woman can sort out.

Can't you get it up? It's not that.

I think life's gone a bit... missing.

Has it all fallen apart and you've
forgotten why you loved her and you wish

were dead?

No. Is it that you still love her, but
she's looking at you and thinking, I

wouldn't shag him again if you put a gun
to my head?

What happens to...

Every relationship after a while. How
the fuck would you know?

Bad news.

It says you have to work hard to keep it
fresh.

50 ways to keep your relationship alive.

Here's a good one.

Why not invite your friends to join you?

Generous offer, but no thanks.

Surprise your partner in a public place.

What? Like... That's good.

Well, why not try role -playing?

I tell you what, I'll be you, you be me.

When's Maggie coming round?

Just don't say anything about what we've
been talking about, will you?

Get us a drink or I'll see you for
wasting police time. Nothing in. Play

not till Friday.

Pub then?

I've got homework to do.

What, you're not even going to eat?

Maggie, you know what you go around
Tesco's? Do you ever find yourself

lewd thoughts?

Fuck it.

Let's go out and eat. I've got plenty of
time for work.

Excellent.

Would you rather have sex behind the
fish counter in Tesco's or at the

in Quicksilver?

Do you think we're getting... What?

Nothing.

One of the girls in my class came to see
me today.

Oh, yeah?

Yeah, she's worried that her and her
boyfriend aren't having sex.

I thought they'd be shagging like
monkeys like we used to.

What do you mean, used to?

We still are, aren't we?

I meant when we were 16.

Oh, right.

Yeah, well, obviously not.

So, er, she came to me for advice.

Oh!

Hmm.

What?

Hmm, erm... So, what did you tell her?

Well, I told her... to tell him how
she's feeling.

A bit young to be losing interest in
sex, aren't they?

No, they haven't done it at all. That's
the problem.

She can't persuade him to.

Well, if they don't want to do it now,
what's going to happen later on?

Have I felt the urge to do something
really dangerous?

I'm not doing a runner from this
restaurant.

No, that's not what I mean.

More like,

All right.

Where's the most exciting place you've
ever had sex?

In a car park.

Is that it?

With my best mate, Jill.

Fucking hell.

Do you remember?

If that's something, would you still...
What about you?

Where have you done it?

Well, in the Mediterranean with a woman.

I did it in the back of my mate's car
once while his mum was driving.

I didn't want to fight a reddy. I
remember this time I went to arrest this

who'd been done for shoplifting and we
went into the changing room. Yeah, OK,

OK. And this other time I did it at work
in a cell. There were seven other

blokes. All right, but not really what
I... Well, I've always kind of...

Fancy doing it in a... In a restaurant.

Is that the best you can do?

They have nice, clean toilets in here.

Oh, you mean now.

God, no, I'm not saying it.

Hello, children.

Can I... Can we

use your room, bro?

No.

You haven't cooked for a week and I'm
going to bed.

But... Remember what I said earlier?

You know... Yes.

Well, if you're watching this, can we
sleep in your room?

Mm.

So I may, I think we'll just watch TV.

We haven't missed much.

If you're only on that ball.

Of how many?

Seventy -three.

Excellent.

Don't mind me. Jesus Christ. What the?

I got cold around lap 42.

What about?

Took your advice.

I dumped Greg. What?

I asked him. He said no, so fuck him.

I didn't tell you to do that.

I said that he was jealous.

Homosexual Pauline's got nothing to do
with you. I told him what you told me.

There's no point in us going out if
we're not going to shag. I did not say

You dumped him just because he didn't
want to have sex with you?

Yeah.

How did we all get on?

Any problems?

No.

Simon?

We can't just give them a set of rules
and tell them to get on with it.

I mean, one of the girls might come to
me with a problem, and I'll give her a

piece of advice that'd work for someone
else, but it'd be totally wrong for her.

Was there a specific problem?

No.

No, it's just this stuff's totally
irrelevant.

Thanks for that.

Thanks. Did anyone have a more positive
experience?

I still think there are other areas that
could be included.

Yeah, I think we've established that's
what you think. Well, shouldn't we use

this as an opportunity to talk about
divorce?

Over half the kids in this school have
parents who aren't together. We are

coming round to that eventually. Yes,
but you can't address the positives of

marriage without addressing the
negatives. You need to look at it in a

lateral way. Yeah, well, as you're
obviously the expert on relationships,

sure I should defer to you. But as I'm
head of year, I'll continue to decide

we teach this subject.

As long as it doesn't mean any more work
for us, I don't care what we have to

teach them.

I just think it's bollocks.

Yeah, well, fortunately, you don't
actually have a personal thing in the

curriculum. Sorry, I don't have time for
this.

I knew I could rely on your support.

Well, it's shit.

I don't believe you did that to me in
front of them. You're supposed to be my

friend. Yeah, when it suits you.

What's that supposed to mean?

Whenever I want to talk to you, you're
too busy.

Oh, take to all the rubbish.

Jenny!

Don't you ever walk out on me like that
again.

There's no point being there if no
-one's going to listen to me.

I don't want to listen to you telling me
how you would have done the job better.

Yes, you'd rather listen to Simon
telling you how to do your job better.

I'm just trying to give equal respect to
every foreign teacher. Would you mind

fucking off?

Shame that doesn't include me.

You're just pissed off I got the job and
you didn't. No, I've gone out of my way

to cooperate with you, but you just
throw it back in my face.

Well, I'm sorry that's how you feel.
It's not the way I see it. Look, try and

put yourself in my position.

I worked really hard on all that stuff,
and of course I was disappointed not to

get the job.

But what seems like a real shame is if
all the work I did goes to waste.

It might actually be useful to you.

And if you don't want to use it, that's
fine, but at least do me the favour of

casting your eye over it.

I will look it up.

In fact, why don't I copy it for the
others and we'll discuss what the best

forward is. They don't want to hear what
I have to say.

They might welcome you a bit more if you
give them a bit more of a chance.

Including Simon?

OK, so he's over -excitable and he's not
the most reliable person in the world,

but at least he's enthusiastic about
what he's doing.

And I'm not.

I'm not saying that.

Maybe you should start thinking about
the signals you give out.

Why the fuck did you tell Cheryl to dump
me? I didn't!

It's not my fault you don't want to shag
her.

Look, if there's something wrong, you
should talk to someone.

I can't do it. Of course you can.

I can't.

I've got crabs.

Man, they're disgusting.

There was hundreds of the bastards all
wriggling about, so I tried to kill them

off with disinfectant, but it didn't
work.

Then all the skin peeled off my skin.

Peeled off you?

I only did it once with this girl.

Then I've got these.

Well, it's probably just as well you've
split up and that Cheryl doesn't know

why. Oh, no, she killed both of us.

Does Cheryl know her?

Yeah.

Oh, Pauline.

You really know how to shit in your own
school bag, don't you?

You just get your dick in a multi and
forget about it.

Is everything all right?

Might be.

I just wondered.

You said you were worried about him
earlier.

Young love, no big deal.

What, you and Greg?

Right.

Is there anything I can do?

He needs someone to lick his wounds for
him, if you're offering.

Miniature fucking crabs going... in his
pew.

Oh, my bloody bastard.

What about us?

Right, Pauline Young with crabs, or
Cheryl Catherby with... a really bad

At least he's got good reason not to
have sex with his girlfriend.

He's still not been to Tesco's.

Have you ever done it in a really,
really exciting place?

Depends what you mean by exciting.

Like in a car park or a police cell?

I had a wank in the IT room once.

It was break time.

I nearly did it on a plane.

What do you mean, nearly?

Well, I met this really nice girl, and
we got chatting.

And? At one point, I thought she was
going to snog me.

That should make me feel better, and
yet, strangely, it doesn't.

Maggie's done everything with everyone.

Really? What, recently?

No, I just...

I feel like she's done all these really
adventurous things and I haven't.

I'm scared she thinks sex with me is
really boring just because we do it in a

bed or on the sofa.

Not even that now.

Be fair.

You've got a good repertoire of
positions.

How the fuck do you know?

How do you know?

I'm not telling you that.

You might have sex one day.

All right, Maggie.

Not too tired.

I'm fine, thanks.

Have I got something on my face?

No.

They don't see girls that often.

Just the sight of one can overwhelm
them.

I'll just go and put my jacket on and
then I'll come back.

You're not going to leave me in here
with these two, are you?

Sex and relationships.

Please tell me you're not teaching this.

Simon is.

Oh, well, that makes it so much better
then, doesn't it?

It's all right.

If you had to do one of these three
things and not tell anyone why you were

doing it, which one would you do?

Walk to work naked every day.

Or cycle, if you prefer.

Take all your lectures dressed as a Hare
Krishna.

I'll go up to everyone you meet from now
on and say, have you let Jesus into

your heart?

Why would I do any of them?

Well, it's a game. You have to... No,
they're all ridiculous.

Yeah, but that's the point.

It's a game. You have to choose one.

I don't want to choose one.

You've got to.

I'll do one on me.

No, no, no, no. Peter's got to choose
one. I don't think I do.

All right.

All right.

We'll try another one, same set -up.
One, you have to resign from your job

go door -to -door selling feminine
hygiene products. Simon.

Shut up.

What exactly is clinical psychology?

It's about people who are really fucked
up.

Yes. That would be the technical
definition.

But I specialise in the treatment of
acute psychosis, which, when agitated by

cognitive dissonance, and

that's

what the Edinburgh Conference is about
this weekend.

I mentioned it the other day. I don't
think you did.

Sometimes it's hard to forget you're
married to a teacher.

But it's easy to forget you're married
to a psychologist when you're hardly

there.

I thought your department dinner was on
Saturday.

That's next week.

And I'm afraid the following weekend's
gone as well.

That's fucking brilliant.

So, what was it you've been chasing me
round about since yesterday?

What? I know you wanted to speak to me
and I'm sorry I've been so snowed under

at work, but now I'm all yours.

Doesn't matter.

Well, go on. No, I don't want to.

Oh, I get it now. You're all grumpy
because I can't spend every hour of the

pissing about with you.

Is that why you had a go at me at the
meeting?

No, that's because you're still a load
of bollocks.

Yeah, well, I'm your boss now, so don't
shit.

I never thought you'd have bought into
all of that.

But you know what kids are like.

Whatever we say, they do the opposite.
So spread the word. Marriage is good,

shagging is bad, and there's no such
thing as a gay teenager.

Okay?

Is that really your brief?

Part of it.

Come to the new job.

Along with parent liaison, career, study
skills, different things. They expect

you to do all that on top of everything
else? I enjoy it.

And Simon leaves me alone.

Sounds like an awful lot of extra work
for three grand a year.

More wine.

Go on, Pia, get that down in your neck.

Busy day tomorrow.

And you wouldn't want to be drunk in
charge of an inkblot.

So, what was your big problem, then?

Well, uh... It's personal, sort of.

But not for now.

Go on, then.

Oh, God, no, it's not personal about me,
it's about you.

Oh, is this the nymphomaniac with a
boyfriend who can't get it up?

Yeah, she just, well, it turned out that
she dumped him because he didn't want

to have sex.

Can't just dump someone because they
don't want to have sex with you.

no one would ever be in a relationship,
would we, darling?

There's nothing wrong with our sex life.

We take any turns to go on top.

Me one week. Me the next.

Sometimes we leave the light on.

Once, I, uh...

Oh, contact lens.

I didn't know you were lenses.

Ow! It's gone round the back again.

Are you all right?

Help me, Simon.

Sorry, where's your bathroom?

Um, Simon knows where it is.

I bet you don't have a clue what you're
on about.

What about your eye?

What about it? I'm being spontaneous.

That's not spontaneous. That's just
doing it because we've been talking

it. You can't just decide, let's be
spontaneous. You have to be spontaneous.

Okay. Well, let's do it when we get
home. No, that's worse. That's planning

Next we'll be comparing diaries to make
appointments for it like they do.

Right, so we're not going to do it now,
we're not going to do it when we get

home, so when are we going to do it
exactly?

Well, I don't know.

Okay, you're right, let's do it now,
then. No, I tell you what.

Let's never bother to do it again.

I've got a jaw in the back of my head.

I'm glad you all had a scintillating
evening with us.

Well, I'm glad you're glad.

Did Peter enjoy it?

Yeah. Why?

Didn't he seem to be enjoying it too?

Yeah, kind of.

Four o 'clock, my office, Simon.

It's actually to my show, Bob.

He's changed a bit.

That's the best of us.

I thought I'd be more clued up about
what you were doing.

He's got a lot on.

Is everything all right with you two?

Your relationship expert, one of us,
Evan.

Sorry, I'm just trying to be helpful.

You worry about your relationship with
Maggie, let me worry about my

relationship with Peter.

What do you mean, worry?

Why should I be worried?

What have I got to worry about?

You disappear after the bathroom,
sometimes burying the youth about a

then. Come back two minutes later,
barely speaking to each other. That's

I've been trying to talk to you about.
It's all going wrong. Me and Maggie

haven't done it for ages.

It's only until you and Peter.

How long is ages?

Three days.

Oh, for God's sake. Yeah, but it's the
beginning of the end.

I'm worried we're never going to do it
again.

Right.

You've got two minutes.

You can't do it like that. You can't
just fit me into your schedule like I'm

pupil. Yes, I can.

How can you be so cruel?

This is how I have to be.

But why?

Because I've got a new job.

But I preferred it the way it was.

Time up?

Well, it's not two minutes.

I know, but I'm bored.

I brought this in for you. I thought you
might find it useful.

Thanks. It's just for reference. Don't
feel you have to use it.

I will read it, then. Thank you.

Is my coursework all right, then?

Great, yeah. Very good.

Good.

What about mine?

Fine.

Well, to be honest, I messed up, so I've
only read a few.

But I'll read the rest at lunchtime.

Right.

Come on, Pauline, that was crap.

Greg tie you out, did he?

Where are you going?

I can't believe you did that to me! You
two, stop it!

Quiet!

Mrs Hunter's office, now.

It's all right. I'll sort it. I know the
background.

Shall I?

Yeah.

Thanks.

Joe.

It didn't mean anything.

It meant I've got a dose of you.

Come in, sit down.

Greg's through Pauline. He got a dose
off her.

Tell me what happened.

I never talked to her again, the dirty
bitch.

I loved him and I thought he loved me,
but he did it with her and he never even

did it with me once, the lying fucker.

Imagine how much that hurts.

I don't know.

In the long run, it's probably better
you didn't sleep with him. Well, Simon

said I should.

What do you mean?

Simon said there's no point in going out
with someone if they didn't want to

sleep with you. He said if Greg didn't
want to sleep with me, I might as well

dump him.

So I went and asked him and he said no.
So I went ahead and dumped him. And all

the time he was sleeping with Pauline.

Let me get this straight.

You told a 16 -year -old girl to ask for
sex from a boy with crabs who's been

banging her best mate.

You can't blame me for the crabs bit.

And if Brian hadn't gone and told
everyone, she wouldn't have known and it

all be fine.

You told Brian?

Yeah, well, it just slipped out.

What the fuck did you think you were
doing?

I was trying to help them out.

She only asked me in the first place
because of your stupid questionnaire.

The whole point of the questionnaire was
to ensure that these kind of

conversations could be had in a proper
structured forum. There are guidelines

about this kind of thing.

Come on, I like you, my best mate.

You've got to be really careful not to
put yourself in a vulnerable position as

much as anything else.

Sorry. It's not difficult.

I'm only asking you to describe a black
group, for Christ's sake. Oh, if you're

pissed off about something, then take it
out on us.

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry.

How about desirable, sensuous,
voluptuous?

So it's about sex?

Say what?

Exactly. He needs blackberry picking to
represent sexual awakening.

But he's clever because it cuts two
ways.

While it is a serious initiation into
adulthood, it's also something for

everyone to enjoy.

Oh, so we're allowed to enjoy it now?

Well, you certainly did.

Yeah, well, you would have done given
half the chance. You were the one who

begging for it. Yeah, and you were the
one with crab.

To sum up, sex can be fun, but as you
can see, it's not without its

complications. That's why it's best in a
stable relationship.

Now, you don't really mean that, do you?
Don't start him off again. We'll never

get anything done.

Look, sex is important, but it isn't
everything, in my opinion.

Can we get on, please?

Jenny's sonnets look good to me.

High for the low A, lowest D -stroke E.

And how are Simon's? Quite impressive,
actually.

The standard was consistently high.

Generally good Bs.

Not all of them, surely?

All except for Jeremy Stephens, who was
significantly lower.

He, er, flew that week.

They can't all have done so well,
actually.

There's no need, honestly, Bob.

It's all in order, as far as I can see.

They're all good FAs.

Well, I'll take your word for it.

Well done, Simon.

Very good, everyone.

Have a nice weekend, but not too nice.

Mock exams are only a month away.

Are you going for a drink? On payday? Is
a clean month stuffed?

Monday by then.

Pleasure.

I can't believe I got away with it. She
thought they were all fine.

I told you, Jenny's not going to care
about your coursework. She's probably

worried about her own.

I'm going to go so drunk tonight.

I thought you'd be much better at
cheating.

What? What are you talking about?

If you thought I cheated, why didn't you
say something?

If it makes you feel better, I helped a
few of the weaker students as well.

I thought you were supposed to be
perfect.

You'll want the best for the students,
don't we?

Unless, of course, you just do it to
make your own life easier.

No, well, yeah.

But I want what's best for them, too.

Right, go into the bar. Who wants any?
No, let me get you one. Scotch.

Thanks.

Am I forgiven?

It's not personal, it's work.

Have you forgiven me at work, then?

I don't know yet.

I'll find that out on Monday.

I try my best.

But everything I seem to do seems to
blow up in my face.

Boy, you know the rule.

We don't drink in your pub, you don't
drink in ours. We just wanted to go

somewhere quiet so we could sort things
out.

OK.

Look at them, aren't they being grown
up?

Working it all out on the side without
any help from you.

All right, you've made your point now.

Fuck off.

Right. Peter's away for the weekend.
Who's coming out to play?

I've got to cook for Maggie. Be a mate
and take little and large. I've only got

the fat to myself.

Did you say you were kooking?

Fucking marvellous.

I need a hand.

If you like.

I should have gone round to yours.

I thought they'd stay in the pub and we
could just...

Cuddle up in front of the telly and have
a nice night in.

Sorry. I'm not bothered by them.

Can you do me a favour?

What?

Come over here.

I want you to stir me

back in a sec. And you stay there. Don't
move.

I really like the fact we've got a
proper, mature relationship.

No, you don't. You're just relieved
we've had sex again.

Brian and Kurt are too.

Aren't you boys?

Yes.