All language subtitles for Seven Of One s01e05 Another Fine Mess

Harry, pour wine.

She was a saint, you know. I do know.

And a wonderful mother. Yes.

And now she's up there.

I know. We're not going to shift her
until the funeral.

Did she suffer much?

All her life.

She never got over me marrying an
American.

Oh, was that what he was?

During the war, I was a G .I. bride.

My mother hated them all.

Said it was bad enough having to chew
their gum without bearing their

On me wedding day, she said, Doris,
this'll kill me.

And sure enough, in 27 short years, off
she went.

Couldn't stand him, could she? Well, you
can't blame her. Not that he ever

suspected. She never uttered an unkind
word to him.

That's true. She never spoke to me.

She was like that.

I think it was the blockage that killed
her in the long run. In her pipes, you

mean.

Well, they're really his pipes, him
being the ratepayer.

She had a blockage in his pipe.

Look, you know that peculiar friend of
his, Sidney?

Well, whenever he came here, he'd use
our love.

She? Yes.

And he'd always take an orange in with
him to pass the time.

Well, one day, we got stopped up and had
to call the plumber.

You don't mean... I do mean...

Unpeeled. Didn't even skin them.

Me poor mother never got over it.

Dozens of jaffas down our love.

One of them was a mandarin. Oh, it did
give her a nasty turn.

Well, at least it wasn't a banana.

From then on, she went downhill.

Where are you going?

Oh, well, I thought I might just nip out
for a breath of air. Out? Tonight?

Don't let him. Don't let him. My poor
mother would like a breath of air, too.

You don't want me to take her with me,
do you?

You are not going out. Well, I could
open her window. Sit down. Look, you've

consideration whatsoever. Oh, no, all
right, all right. Calm down.

Don't get upset. He's not worth it. Now
he's given me a headache. Oh, here, have

one of my tablets. It'll calm you down.

Mum!

Oh.

Can I go out to the disco?

No, you can't. If I... can't go out. You
can't go out. Of course she can. Don't

you tell the child what she can't do.

Your gran would want you to enjoy
yourself, love. Have a nice time.

Thanks, Ma.

Well,

it's been very nice. It's a pity we
can't do it more often.

to bid your last farewell to Mother.

Oh, yes.

Bye -bye, Mrs... No,

that's not right, is it?

I'm a bit confused.

It's a port.

This way.

Sissy, do you want to come too, or would
you rather stay with him?

No, I like a bit of life.

I'll come with you.

Hello, it's me.

I can see it's you.

Bit early for Christmas.

Christmas?

That's not a... That's not a Christmas

wreath. Don't take your coat off. What
are you doing here anyway?

Well, you didn't turn up, so I came to
get you. Get me?

Yeah. It's talent night at the Dirty
Dashund and we're supposed to do our

imitation. Well, you'll just have to
manage on your own. I have decided to

remain here.

You mean your wife won't let you? My
wife has nothing to do with it. The old

lady is dead.

Dead? That's what I said.

When did she pop off?

At eight o 'clock this morning.

Are you sure?

Certainly I'm sure.

Well, if she's dead, why can't you come
down to the Dirty Dashund?

I mean, she can't stop you, can she? Who
can't? Your old woman. My old woman?

It's nearly 12 hours since she died.
There's no sense in grieving all your

I didn't say my old woman. I said the
old woman.

Oh. Well, you can't have everything.

What?

Half a loaf is better than having your
cake and not being able to eat it.

On account of the nearer the bone, the
sweeter the tune played on

an old fiddle.

Are you sure it isn't your wife who
died?

Well,

why don't you try and sneak out?

Or tell her you were with me.

And then she'll know you're not going to
get into any trouble.

Why don't you do that?

Why do you shove oranges down our
lavatory?

Who told you? The plumber told me.

Do you know we had to cut through two
pipes to get at those oranges?

Are you fond of them?

Why do you stick them down there?

Well, because I don't like oranges and I
get upset if I have to eat them. So you

just stick them down our WC?

Sure. If you don't like them, why do you
buy them?

What do you expect me to do, starve to
death?

A man's got some rights. Got to keep
body and legs together.

It's coming to something if I can't buy
some oranges.

It's a free country. Now that will do.

And put those down.

It's a shame you can't come down to the
Dirty Dashund.

We might have won a fry.

And then you could have bought your wife
a nice wreath.

And they've got that striptease lady
with the tassels. Oh, you mean

Thora?

I don't see why not if she's in a good
humor.

And if you're in the show, you can get a
side view.

Do you know I've only ever seen them
from the front?

Well, I can't do the impersonation on my
own.

And there's many a true word spoken in
jest. What has that got to do?

Don't play with that.

That is for my wife to calm her nerves
and give her a good night's sleep.

How many is she going to have?

Just the one. How many nights sleep do
people usually have?

Anyway, it's none of your business.

You know, if she made a mistake and took
too many of those pills...

I wouldn't be surprised if you could
sneak down to the Dirty Dash Hunt and

didn't get to hear about it. You ought
to tell her to be more careful. These

pills don't even belong to me. Say that
again.

Well, if you took too many of those
pills, your wife could sneak off down to

Dirty Tassel and swing her wreath and
win a Dash Hunt.

That's a very good idea.

What is?

What are you doing?

Well, where's the harm? After all,
she'll get a good night's sleep and we

win a prize.

And one for the pot.

Well, if you can't go, then you can't
go.

Come back here. Wait a minute. Listen,
you meet me outside in an hour and be

sure to have your costume on.

You mean that you...

Keep a letting me see her. Oh, she did
look so lovely lying there. I've never

seen your mother looking so well. Yes.
Those two weeks in Blackpool did her the

world of good.

Bye -bye.

What's he doing here?

He's your husband.

Sidney heard about sad bereavement
pressures and he came to pay his

Oh. Do you want to see the remains?

The remains of what?

Never mind, love. Come on. Come and sit
down.

Calm yourself.

Have one of these pills.

That's funny.

I know. I'll put it down there
somewhere.

The remains of what?

Here. Put it in your port wine. It'll
take the taste away.

Nothing will make me sleep tonight.

You want to bet?

You'd better have a couple, then.

PG Kins, I don't... Don't interrupt me
when I'm silent.

I don't know. I think I've had too much
port wine already.

Well, I wouldn't drink it anyway.

Oh, you wouldn't.

So what?

So, I'll see you later.

What did he mean, he'll see you later?
later. Oh, nothing, Lambykins.

Nothing.

You think you're going to sneak out when
I'm fast asleep, don't you? Yes.

No, no, no.

Well, I'm going to lock and bolt the
front door, and then I'm going to put

key in a place where you'd never dream
of looking for it, down the front of my

nightie.

front door and the bedroom door too. I
can't get out.

Well, bye.

I'm back here.

What do you want? Don't leave me in this
predicament. Help me to get down.

There's a ladder around the back.

down on that. It's too short.

Why didn't you get a longer one?

Well, you didn't tell me what you wanted
it for.

I suppose I'll have to manage.

You didn't tell him what I wanted it
for.

Nods as good as a nod to a sow's ear.

fool like a fool in me.

Do you

think we'll win a prize?

Why, certainly we'll win a prize.

What's more, the winner always gets a
kiss from titillating Thora.

We might even get to find out how she
makes the tassels go in different

directions.

Centrifugal force.

Why, sure, if she won't tell us.

Oh, boy, are we gonna have fun. And
nobody any the wiser.

lady dropped her handbag.

Hey, why don't we stop and help her to
pick it up? That's a very charitable

idea.

May we offer you a lift, ma 'am?

Thank you.

Have a drink.

Is it all right for me to drink while
you're driving?

I'm sure I'm taking you gentlemen miles
out of your way.

Yes, you certainly are. Why, Pish, we're
only too delighted to be of service.

Hey, what about titillating Thora?

Actually, my name's Edwina, and let's
wait until we get home.

What's the time?

Up past eight.

I think it's come on to race.

Hey!

Oh,

don't do that.

You'll, uh...

Forgive us if we don't see you to the
door, but my friend and me, we have a

pressing engagement.

You're going to come upstairs with me
and have a drink. No, we really can't.

see... You don't like me. Of course we
like you, don't we, Sidney? Well, I've

been thinking about that and I... Belt
up!

Listen, fatty.

You two coming up with me to have a
drink or...

Do I have to make him? Well, if that's
your tone, nothing in the wide world

would persuade me. And that goes for
him, too.

Us do what you want us to?

All right, all right, all right, we'll
come.

Just one little grape, that's all.
You're a fool.

I can't wait to get my clothes off.

Make

yourselves

at home while I slip into something more
comfortable.

Does she mean an armchair?

Oh, she does not mean an armchair.

This is another fine mess you've gotten
me into.

Well, there's nothing to keep us here. I
mean, she's out there, and we're here,

and we could be in Scotland. You know
that's the most sensible thing you've

all evening? Come on, let's sneak out.

I wonder how

she knew.

Maybe she's septic.

Hey, who do you think he might be?

Well, he's her father. Who do you think
he is, her mother?

What do you think he'd say if he knew
we'd brought her home? Why, his

would know no bounds.

Do you think he might give her
something?

Like a shot.

Maybe we ought to leave him a note and
say that she has dizzy spells.

In fact, she's the dizziest thing. Why
don't you pour us all a drink?

And turn on the fire.

It's cold in here.

I'll pour the drinks.

You might spill them. Light the fire.

No, I don't. Try the table.

Have you got a match?

Hey, it's a nice place she's got here.
Hey, put that down. Don't you know these

things are expensive?

I'll light the fire.

You get some soda for the drinks.

That should warm the place up a bit.

That's an electric fire.

Why did you light it?

Get some water.

melted water.

Cloth to smother the flames with. Get
a... Not cloth. I said a cloth.

All I need is something that doesn't
cause any damage. A simple rug would

done like this one. What the...

what you've done.

By making excuses.

Where are you going now?

Give me that.

Haven't you caused enough damage
already? You tidy the place up.

I'll take the orange to the lavatory.

Wrong flat.

I do live here.

And who the devil are you, sir? Shh,
shh.

We're just tidying the place up so that
she won't realize anything's happened.

Would you like to help?

What kind of a bomb was it? Was my wife
killed?

Oh, we haven't seen her. But your
daughter's in there with Harry.

My daughter? Yeah. He's keeping her
busy.

know that I am not the sort of woman who
indulges in improper behavior on 30

minutes acquaintance. You'll have to
wait another half hour.

And what was that noise?

Oh, my friend was just admiring your
grand piano when the leg came off in his

hand. He's putting it back.

Is that all?

For a moment I thought it was my
husband.

Oh, why does his leg come off in your
hand too?

Celebrating. You boys picked up the
right girl tonight because I...

No, you know, I had a bit of good luck
today, too, myself.

The old mother -in -law snuffed it. Oh,
really?

Oh, you knew her, did you?

Stay away.

There's only another three floors to
search.

When I wake up, I'll kill him. Yes, I
should. It'll cheer me up for the

shoot a man with his hands full, would
you?

That's the second time he shot that
lion.

You can't get away from me, sir.

There's only one way out of there, and
it's the window.

out of here.

Let's go.

Don't you think we ought to stay behind
and clear up the mess? Listen, if we're

still here when he gets back, we'll be
part of it. Now, let's go. Okay.

Well,

it just serves you right.