All language subtitles for bobs.burgers.s15e20.1080p.web.h264-successfulcrab_track3_[eng]

♪ ♪

[Gene grunting]

Did I get it?

- Not even close.
- What are you kids doing?

Playing No-Look Food Wipe.

No-Look Food Wipe?

You have to wipe the food
off the table.

Sound simple? Not so fast.
No looking.

Oh, fun. Let me try.

- Oh.
- [grunting] Nuts.

It doesn't seem
like the best way

to actually wipe the table.

- It's not.
- He doesn't get it.

Bob, your Dad's here.

Oh, right.
He said he was gonna swing by.

The man likes to swing.

Hi, everybody.

- Hey, Dad.
- [Tina] Hey.
- [Louise] Pop Pop.

- Hi.
- Pop Pop, I think there's
a fun kite stuck to you.

Phew. Glad somebody said it.

I-I found it when I was
cleaning out my closet.

Remember this kite, Bob?

Um... I, uh...

- Think back.
- Yeah, I'm--

I'm-- I'm not
really remembering.

This is so awkward
for the kite, Dad.

- I gave it to you.
- Oh, you did?

Yeah. After your mom passed.

I thought it would be a good way
to spend time together,

and I meant to fly it with you,
but, y-you know,

we just didn't get around to it.

Aw. Kind of
a "sorry your mom died" kite.

Uh, yeah. Something like that.

Well, uh, that's okay, Dad.

No, no, no, I-I should've
flown it with you.

I should've flown
a kite with my son.

Anyway, that's why
I brought it over.

Pretty windy today.

We should go right now,
with the kids.

Us kids or other kids?

Oh, um, I mean,
the restaurant is open.

- Is it?
- Sometimes the only way I know

is by looking at the sign
on the door.

And I still have some prep
I need to do

for the dinner crowd, and--

- Ha.
- Why "ha"?

Those are the same excuses
I used to use.

You're just like me, Bob.

Uh, I-I'm not. No offense.

Think about it, all the
father-kid stuff we never did.

I never took you fishing.

- You take these kids fishing?
- Uh...

Well, we fished Tina's glasses
out of the toilet

on numerous occasions.

I can't hold them on my head

and flush the toilet
at the same time, I'm sorry.

I never threw
a ball around with you.

Oh, well, we've thrown
a ball around, I think.

Kids? Back me up? The ball?

Like a royal ball?
You wish, Cinderella.

- Oh, God. Am I like you?
- No.

I-I mean, you're great, Big Bob.
But no.

It's not too late, son.
You can make this right.

Bob, go.
I can cover for a few hours.

Go fly a kite. In a nice way.

Um, kids, you want to?

Yeah. Let's go make a thing go
up in the air for some reason.

Any excuse not to work.

I mean, I'm so excited
about this.

I want to get high as a kite.

- Is that how kite people talk?
- No.

Okay. Uh, thanks, Linda. We'll--

We'll be back
before the dinner rush.

I'll just go upstairs
and get my phone.

You don't need your phone.
Kids and their phones.

Uh, okay, but I should
probably get my wallet.

What do you need a wallet for?

It's a kite.
You need wind and string.

"Wind and String"
is also the name

of Ken's experimental jazz duo.

They are a tough listen.

[Big Bob]
Oh, yeah, this is a good spot.

Right? Hmm. Onshore breeze?

Someone went to wind school.

So, how do you think we do this?

Oh. Uh, I was hoping
maybe you knew.

I don't. I don't know
how to do, you know...

- Anything fun?
- Right.

I mean, I guess you're
supposed to hold it up

and then, you know,
let the wind take it?

- Yikes.
- No.

And the wind said,
"Uh-uh, honey."

Uh, here, you might
have more luck.

Uh, okay. Um...

[grunts]

Ah, you can't let it
get away with that.

- Hit back.
- Ooh. He's got a kite.

[Tina] And his posture is more
confident than yours.

So much more.

- Whoa.
- How's he doing that?

Maybe you can pay
for better wind?

Premium wind.
Maybe it comes with Hulu.

Okay, he's kinda standing
with his back to the wind.

I-I'll-- I'll do that.

That's it, son.
Copy the crap out of him.

Uh, here.

Okay. Blast off?

I don't think the other dad
said "blast off."

Oh. It's working.

- [Gene] Yeah, it is.
- [Louise] You got it.

- [Tina] Well, look at you.
- [Louise] Nice, Dad.

It's really working.

Geez. It must be 100 feet
in the air.

[Gene]
That's why it got so small.

Does anyone else want
to hold the string--

- Whoa!
- [kids exclaim]

[screams] Oh, my God. Uh...

I'm-- I'm gonna go get it.

And you're totally gonna be
able to catch up with it.

'Cause of how fast you are.

I can hear his knees
clicking from here.

I'm guessing you also never
taught our dad how to run?

I did not.

[Bob panting]

Oh. Okay, good.

It landed.

[whimpers] And I might
have a heart attack.

Just a little one. Or medium.

God, that's a lot of pain.

[grunting]

Yes! There it is.

Train station?

Does the kite commute? Ha.

Oh, I'm too tired to laugh.

Oh, shoot.

Um, excuse me, uh, sir?

My kite is stuck
to the wheel of your--

♪ The world's gonna see me... ♪

- Uh...
- [mumbling lyrics]

Sir, my kite is, um...

Sir!

- Excuse me?
- [mumbling lyrics]

Sir! Wait!

Oh, God. Maybe I can--

No, not... Ugh.

[bell chimes]

Oh, God, the door's gonna close.

Hello. Hi. What are you
doing and can you stop?

Uh, sorry, my kite
is snagged on your bag.

Um, I have earbuds in and
it's very hard to pause this.

- [bell chimes]
- Oh, God.

Train door closing.

No. No, no, no. No.

Crap.

I'm turning away from you now.

♪ I am me and it's the
only way it's gonna be. ♪

[Bob]
Great.

Ugh, what's the next stop?

- Maybe I can still walk back?
- This is the express train.

Next stop's not
until Shorebridge.

Shorebridge? That's so far away.

That's why we have trains.
Ticket, please?

- Oh, uh, right. Ticket.
- Yeah.

Uh, uh-huh. Y-You guys
still do that, huh?

- It's our favorite part.
- Uh, I...

I'm realizing
I don't have my wallet.

I left home in a hurry.

To fly this kite. Not alone.

I have a family
I was gonna fly it with.

Don't shake your head. I-I-I do.

But I will definitely pay you.

Is there maybe a system

where I can write my name
and address down or something,

and then send you the payment--

- Jerry!
- We don't need to call Jerry.

Yup.

If Dad doesn't come back,
maybe that guy can be our dad?

[Tina]
The Kitemaster?
Father of the Breeze?

Pfft. If he'll have us.

So, what do we do now?

I guess... keep waiting?

Uh, you kids want to see me
do tricks with my lighter?

- Yes!
- Yeah.
- Yes.

Why have we not heard about

these "lighter tricks" before?

Eh, I didn't want you to ask me
why I have a lighter.

Why do you have a lighter?

Well, it's not to light
my cigars that I don't smoke,

that's for sure.

Weird. Someone else must be
smoking cigars

in your clothes and your car
and your house.

And your mouth.

Yeah, a-anyway, watch this.

- Whoa-ho-ho.
- Nice.
- Cool.

That's called
"The Outlaw Jesse Flames."

More, please.

How 'bout this one? Huh?

- Damn.
- How are you single?

It's like a fidget spinner
and a blow torch combined.

They did it.
The bastards finally did it.

Please, I-I need a ticket
back to Seymour's Bay.

Uh, what if I promise
to mail a check

to the train company?

In, like,
a really nice envelope?

- Bob? That you, buddy?
- Critter?

Hey, I'll cover
this guy's ticket.

You're a senior, right, Bob?

- Um...
- Where you headed?

Oh, uh, back to Seymour's Bay.
Thank you.

Ah, two tickets
to Seymour's Bay.

I'm heading back, myself.

Came out here to visit my aunt.

- Oh.
- Sweet lady.

The other gals at the maximum
security correctional facility

just love her to death.

Okay... Um, you didn't
ride your motorcycle?

Chopper's in the shop.

Finally biting the bullet
and installing brakes.

Mm.

[Critter]
Oh, man, this is great.

We can be train buddies.

Our own little train gang.

Like a motorcycle gang,

'cept all we do
is take in the scenery.

- Maybe sell a little crank.
- Mm.

Kidding.
Not even crank season, silly.

[chuckles uncomfortably]
Y-Yeah. Right.

Um... Oh, uh, Critter,
can I borrow your phone?

I should let people
know I'm okay.

Yeah, sure. Here you go.

You on some kind
of a bender, Bob?

You hole up in a motel room
with this kite

and party for a few days?

I did that once
with a pound of hash

and a pile of jigsaw puzzles.

- That's not, um...
- Bob's Burgers.

Hey, Lin, it's me.

Uh, did my dad
come back with the kids?

No. Everything okay?

Yeah. It-It's just the kite
ended up on a train,

and now I'm at a train station
in Shorebridge.

Wait, what?

Well, this happens a lot
with kites, probably.

Anyway, could you text my dad

and tell him I'll be back soon?

I-I don't have his number
memorized because--

I only know
the restaurant's and...

uh, half of yours.

Okay, hold on. I found it.

- Can I use a train emoji?
- What?

Never mind. I did it. Ha.

- Hi, Linda.
- Is that Critter?

Uh, yeah. He says hi.
I'm on his phone.

Bob and I are gonna
be train buddies.

Hi, Critter.
How's little Sidecar?

Gonna start preschool soon.
Can you believe that?

- No. Oh, my God.
- Okay, so...

Time, huh? So, what else is new?

Let's all talk later. Bye.

- [entry bell rings]
- [Teddy] Hiya, Linda.

Coffee, please.
Eh, make it a double,

- because I am having a day.
- Aw, yeah?

Yeah. The theater
Kathleen's working at

is putting on a production of
the modern classic Sling Blade.

Ooh, the movie
about landscaping.

Yeah, sort of.

Anyway, one of the actors
got sick

and it's opening night tonight.

I've been doing some work
at the theater, building sets,

and I've been around
for rehearsals,

so Kathleen thought
that I could do the part.

Oh, Teddy, that's great.

Yeah, I-I don't know, though.

I'm nervous about my one line.

Sling Blade's working
in the engine repair shop

and I come in and I say,
"I broke my mow-lawner."

- Your what?
- My mow-lawn--

Argh! See?

Are you trying
to say "lawnmower"?

Yes, but when I was a kid,
I said "mow-lawner."

And my parents
thought it was cute,

so they never corrected me,
and it stuck.

I-I can't say the word right.

So I just tried to move on,
move forward.

Build a life where I wouldn't
have to say... you know.

But Kathleen asked me
to play this part,

and now I have to go out there
in front of God and everybody

and say "I broke my mow-lawn--"

Oh, God! I can't say the word!

- "My mow-la-a-a-awn."
- Teddy.

- "My mow-lawn..."
- Look at me.

- Teddy, calm down.
- [screaming]

Breathe, Teddy. Breathe.

Oh... Oh...

We'll get you saying
the word right, okay?

[exhales] Thank you.

There he is, there he is.

Also, I-I'm not very comfortable

with the cut-off jean shorts
they want me to wear.

Stuff's kind of hanging out.

Okay, one thing at a time.

[Critter]
So, your dad got you
this handsome kite

to bond with you
after your mom died,

but he never flew it with you,

and now you feel
like a failure as a dad

'cause you never flew a kite
with your kids?

Basically, yeah.

Geez. That's rough.
I have to admit,

I had a couple of good
kite-flying experiences

with my kid, but I never
judge anybody else's path.

We're all evolving
and developing

into compassionate
human beings and--

Holy crap,
it's that butt-face I hate.

Oh, man, I'm gonna rip
that guy's head off.

What? Who?

[Critter]
Over there. Dusty.

Uh, is--
Uh, is this gang-related?

No, no. Uh, well,
I mean, yeah. Kind of.

He used to be
in the Buzzard Kings,

but a lot of us
have gone straight now.

I'm mad at him 'cause

he's a nursery school
waitlist-spot-jumping jerk.

Uh, I'm sorry, what?

My boy, Sidecar,
was ahead of his kid

on the waitlist
for Happy Gardens,

the good nursery school.

They've got a rabbit, a chicken

- and a vegetable garden, Bob.
- Oh.

But then I heard from a parent
who's already at the school

who heard from
one of the teachers

that in Dusty's interview,

he mentioned that Sidecar's
not potty-trained.

And that he often has peanut
butter on his hands and face,

which is apparently frowned on
'cause the school's "nut-free."

And wouldn't you know,
Dusty's kid

got the last spot in the class

and now Sidecar's going
to a Montessori school,

which is perfectly fine,

but we're not sure
it's the best fit.

I got to make a move here.

Wait. Do what?

I got to get revenge.

No. No, no, no.
Critter, no stabbing.

I'm cutting off his mullet.

- Um...
- It's biker justice.

It's about taking away
a man's spirit.

The party's in the back,
but the party's over.

- I'm gonna need your kite.
- What? Why?

- For cover.
- Um, no, thank you?

My kite would love to not
be a part of this at all.

Come on, Bob,
I paid for your ticket.

You owe me.

My son's never gonna get
to feed mealworms to Snowy

- because of that man.
- Snowy?

The chicken.
The Happy Gardens chicken.

Ugh, fine, here.

[conductor]
Approaching Bog Harbor Station.

Next stop, Seymour's Bay.

[exclaims] What the hell?!

You brought this
on yourself, Dusty.

Critter?!

- Hold still.
- [yelps]

- Oh, God.
- It's fighting

for its right to party.

[Dusty screams]

You hide behind a kite

and you pull
the mullet removal move on me?

- Grow up, Critter!
- That's what you get

for jumping us in line
at Happy Gardens.

That's what this is about?

Oh, yeah, that's what
this is about.

Everyone knows
Sidecar's not potty-trained.

Not even a pull-ups situation.

Everybody potty trains
at their own pace.

I'm gonna take this home
and stick it in Sidecar's potty,

push the button
and hear Bluey celebrate.

Well, then I'm gonna take
your attractive kite!

Wha--

Ah! My kite!

[grunting]

- Come on, Bob!
- [grunts]

- What's happening?
- Don't worry.

We're getting your kite back.

Little bits of mullet
flying everywhere, dammit.

[Bob]
Yep. [spits]

Oh, God,
there's some in my mouth.

- There he is.
- He's heading for the scooters.

Ugh. Why did you have to use
my kite in your mullet war?

I'm sorry. We'll get it back.

Hop on, Bobby Boy.
I've got the app for this hog.

Oh, my God. Does this work
with two grown men?

Should we have helmets?

Bob, clicking "agree" on the
scooter's terms and conditions

means not asking
these kinds of questions.

- Hold tight.
- Waist or shoulders?

- Doesn't matter!
- Maybe chest?

No, waist is better--

[Bob screams]

And flip it and spark it,
and--

Ow.

And flip it and spark it,
and-- Ow.

And flip it, and spark it, and--

Maybe no more.

Because I keep burning myself?
That's fair.

My turn.
Pop Pop, sing some Def Leppard.

And make me feel it.

Good news, there's
a bunch of litter on the ground.

Maybe we should do
a controlled burn

in one of those
grills over there?

Eh, why not?

Or it gets uncontrolled.

[laughs]
Who knows? Let's find out.

[Critter]
Dusty may be leading us

right into
a Buzzard King's trap.

Bob, how are you with nunchucks?

And do you have nunchucks?

No. Sorry.

Oh, man, we might need backup.

Here. Text Rat Daddy.

No, text Crankshaft.

Wait, his kid's got
gymnastics today.

Text Snakebite.

- [both exclaim]
- Close one.

Hey, you ever ridden a bike
with your kids, Bob?

You can feel good about that.

- Um...
- Dear God. I'll go faster.

I'm just not
that much of a cyclist.

I don't have the thighs for it.

- Lawn.
- Lawn.

- Mower.
- Mower.

Now put them together.

Mow-lawner. [groans]

No. Again. Lawn.

Lawn.

- Mower.
- Mower.

- Lawnmower.
- Mow-lawner.

- Nope. Nope.
- [groaning]

Hey, does it have
to be a lawnmower?

Could your leaf blower
be broken?

Oh, sure, Linda,
just come in and change

the sacred text of Sling Blade?

A beloved timeless story?

[sarcastic]
Yeah, I'll do that.

Okay, okay, let's try this.

Every time you say "mow-lawner,"
I slap your face.

Uh...

Not too hard.
But kind of hard.

- Ready?
- Okay.

- Lawnmower.
- Mow-- Ow.

You're not getting away, Dusty!

Unless, of course,
your scooter's charged

- a little bit more than ours.
- Oh, God!

Ah, crap, crap, crap,
crap, crap, crap.

A-ha. Got him.

Who's potty-trained now, Dusty?

Hand over the kite.

Hand over my mullet, Critter.

Oh, wait. You can't.

'Cause you killed it.

So I'm gonna kill your kite.

- No, no, no, no, no, no!
- No, no, no, no,, no!

Eye for an eye,
kite for a mullet.

Please! It's my kite!

- Who are you?
- Uh, I'm-- I-I'm Bob.

Wait. Did you used
to be in Satan's Hole?

No, no, no,
he's a non-motorcycle club guy.

Uh, a gentle soul. Fragile.

Um... I-I mean...

Well, there's nothing gentle
about letting Critter

use your kite
to take a man's mullet.

Look at it. My essence is gone.

Yeah, it is.
You look like a dork.

- Critter.
- What? He does.

[Dusty]
I do!

Sorry, pal,
I'm gonna stab your kite.

Dusty, wait!
That kite has sentimental value.

And I want to fly it
with my kids.

I-- I-I just don't
want to be a bad dad.

That has nothing to do with me.

Yeah, but, Dusty, listen.

Today, we were gonna
finally fly it.

And we've never done it before.

And I actually
got it up in the air

and I was about to hand
my kids the string,

but then it blew away.

So can I have it back? Please?

So I can go fly it with them?

You've never flown
a kite with your kids?

No. What, has everybody
done that?

Yeah, pretty much everybody's
done that, Bob.

- Yeah, everybody.
- Oh, my God.

[sighs heavily]

Take the kite.
Go fly it with your kids.

Thank you.

- But real quick...
- [sighing] Okay.

Critter, I want to say, I--

I may have mentioned
the peanut butter

and lack of potty proficiency
in the interview.

I'm sorry.

'Preciate that.
I mean, it's true.

Sidecar might never
pee in a toilet.

And the peanut butter
on his face, that's--

That's my bad.

I've been kind of
single-dad-ing it lately.

Uh, Mudflap went to Sedona
with her girlfriends

and a three-day weekend
got out of hand,

and turned into
a mandatory 30 days, so...

it's been just us boys
and, uh...

Anyway, Dusty, I-I get why
you did what you did.

We do what we can for our kids.

Yup. Yup.
Um, can I have my kite please?

Just a sec, Bob.

Let me ask you, Critter...

do you still have my mullet?

Most of it.
The, uh, after-party.

- Yeah, um, yeah--
- Maybe we could send it off?

- You talking burial at sea?
- Yeah.

- Dusty, can I say the words?
- Okay.

Lord Neptune,
take these backward biker bangs

into your briny kingdom...

Um, can-- Guys, can I just--

Say something? Sure.

No, I--
Can I just have the kite?

Oh. Oh, oh, yeah.
Yeah, yeah, here, here ya go.

[gasps] No, no, no, no, no.

- Grab the string.
- It's getting away!

- Get it! Get it!
Get it! I got it!
- Get it by the tail.

[screaming]

Maybe you can get
another super sentimental kite

that evokes your dead mother
and symbolizes your desire

to be a good dad?

[grunts, whimpers]

[yelps] Cold. Cold water.

Holy moly, look at him.

Father of the year.

[whimpering]

Getting closer, getting closer.

Maybe?

[Critter]
It's drifting out faster

than you're swimming, Bob.
I don't know

if you wanted
to hear that right now.

But it feels like I should share
that information.

[panting] I'm here.

- Snakebite.
- Who we stompin'?

I'm all limber from Pilates.
Let's do this.

It's over.

Dusty and I are good now.

- Regrowing the trust.
- Regrowing the mullet.

Oh, yeah.

Okay.
What are you guys looking at?

It's so far away.

Can kites swim?

They sell kites by the beach,
you know.

I know.

They got butterfly-shaped ones,

and seagull-shaped ones.

Yep. Got it.

Hi. Bob?

I'm Snakebite.

I came to help Critter beat
Dusty's ass,

but I guess they're friends now?

Uh, hi.

I've been told
you're swimming into the ocean

to retrieve a kite because
you think you're a bad dad.

Maybe I can help.

I recently got my license
to practice family therapy.

[Bob]
Family therapy?

He's amazing.

Snakebite helped
me and Mudflap rediscover

intimacy through yes-and-ing
and role play.

Uh, okay.

Hey, all due respect,

I think you're screwing up
right now.

He's definitely screwing up.

He's gonna drown.

I'm not gonna drown. I hope.

Bob, being a good dad
is definitely

not about flying kites.

It's about being present.

If you give your kids
love and support

and you're present for them,

you're a good dad.

Nailed it again, Snakebite.

- Wow.
- Make sense?

Bob?

Bob, did you drown?

[gasps]

Not yet. I... [coughs]

...swallowed some water,
a lot of water.

So, okay, yeah, also, stop
swimming towards your death.

Death is, like,
the number one way

not to be present
in your kids' lives.

Yeah, uh,
you-you might be right.

Uh, I might've gotten
a little...

hung up on the kite.

- You think?
- Okay, uh...

I'm-I'm coming back.

Bye, kite.

Ew. Mullet.

[sighs] Again.

Mow-lawner.

No, Teddy.

I can't do this anymore.

Maybe you can't do the play.

I know. Gah!

Why didn't my parents teach me
how to say that word?

Why, Mom and Dad?
You ruined my life.

They thought the way
you said it was cute.

It's still cute.

Not at this point in the day,

but it was
when I first heard it.

Now I never want to hear
the word "lawnmower" again.

Oh, God,
am I saying it weird now?

No, I'm saying it fine.

[groans]
You make it sound so easy.

But I'm not you.

I can't say it
with your perfect pronunciation,

and your lilting voice.

I can't just say

[imitating Linda]
lawnmower.

Oh, my God, Teddy.

- You did it.
- I did?

Yeah, you just got
to do my voice.

I mean, I don't think
I sound like that.

It's a little offensive.

But, yeah, just do that.

Okay. I'm gonna do my line.

I broke my...

[imitating Linda]
lawnmower.

- There he is, yes!
- I can do it.

- Lawnmower!
- [laughing] Yeah.

Lawnmower!

Okay, stop.

[Louise]
More trash.

Bring me more trash.

It's okay to breathe
trash smoke, right?

Maybe just through your nose?

[Critter]
Hi, kids.

- Critter.
- Hi.
- Hey, Critter.

Trash fire, huh?

Uh-huh. Feel free
to toss something in.

Evidence, weapons.

I'm good. Thanks, though.

See ya later, Bob.

Bye, Critter.

Hey, everyone. Uh, I just...

I want to tell you I'm walking
weird 'cause my underwear's wet.

'Cause I went into the ocean
to get the kite.

I was on a train
and then I went into the ocean.

Sounds like a good story,
but let me just burn this first.

Ah, that's the stuff.

- Where's the kite?
- I lost it.

To the sea. Sorry, kids.

- That's fine.
- Okay dokey.
- No prob.

- I'm sorry, Dad.
- That's okay.

You know, son,
it's not about the kite.

What is a kite, anyway?

Just a thing.

It's the time you spend together
that counts,

even if you spend it,
you know, uh,

burning trash on a public grill.

You'll see.

That's so great to hear.

Now, Dad. And not earlier,

when you said
all the other stuff.

- Don't mention it.
- Guys, we need more trash.

The fire is hungry.

Oh, no, but what if our town has
no more trash?

Just kidding, it always does.

Hey, maybe we could
call your mom

and ask her
to bring marshmallows?

Trash fire marshmallows.

Yes!

They taste like copper wire

and urban neglect.

♪ It's not ♪

About the kite ♪

♪ What is a kite, anyway? ♪

♪ Just a thing ♪

♪ It's the time ♪

♪ You spend together ♪

♪ That counts ♪

♪ Even if you spend it,
you know, uh ♪

♪ Burning trash
on a public grill ♪

♪ You'll see. ♪

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Captioned by
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