Original subtitles

Actually, last month, business was up 14%. But you blew six of the 14.

How do you figure that?

You hired Bruce.

Why did you do that?

Because the man is essential to the inner cleansing as it is here, Jake.

See what I mean?

I hate to interrupt this high -level discussion, but do you tycoons think

be having any dessert? Wait a minute, Billy. Look, if we're ever going to find

buyer for Murray Shear...

Then needless expenses like Bruce are exactly the kind of thing that'll scare

them away.

I ain't looking for no buyer.

Come on, guys, I have paying customers waiting. Some of them even tick. Will

hold it just a minute? Barker, you promised Murray Klein you'd cooperate.

Murray Klein is far away.

Turkey's on week, but the turkey's on seven.

Actually, they're kind of cute.

Here we go.

Hey, Billy, you are looking fantastic today.

Oh, thank you.

Billy, I had a dream about you last night.

Do tell.

You were stuck in an elevator.

Man, I was great.

How was I?

Excuse us.

I don't like this. What?

Flirting with guys.

Then don't flirt with guys.

I'm being serious here.

How come you had time to flirt with those guys? You couldn't wait one second

see what we wanted for dessert.

Excuse me, but you're way out of line here. Oh, I'm out of line?

I'm not blind, you know.

Now, you're being much too friendly with all the guys in here lately, and

frankly, I don't like it.

I enjoy being friendly, and it's part of my job.

What I don't like is you watching over me all the time like I'm doing something

wrong. Stop it!

He makes me so angry. Half the time he acts like my father and the other half

like a little kid.

Oh, that's Archie.

I'm talking about Gary.

Oh.

Well, I hate to tell you, but that's men.

That's so depressing.

Say, look, my boys are out with their dad tonight.

What say you and I go to a movie, have a couple of drinks?

That sounds great.

Except that I always go out with Gary on Fridays.

Okay, well, another time.

You know, I really don't feel like seeing him tonight.

I guess I wouldn't be doing him any favors, would I?

I guess not.

Besides, I really feel like talking.

You're right.

Hey, Harry.

Hey, Gary. Did we get here yet?

She left this for you.

Huh? Yeah, your usual, coming up.

I can't believe it.

We've gone out every Friday for a year.

One club soda.

You know what, Harry? I feel like a real drink tonight.

Well, sure, Gary, but I thought you didn't drink.

Well, people can surprise you.

What's a good drink? You know, a good strong one.

A dead man's eye -opener. Oh, I don't think so.

Eye -opener?

That's appropriate.

Well, okay, Gary.

But I think I ought to warn you. Make the drink, Harry.

Make that too, Harry. And don't forget to put in the chocolate mint brandy.

Looks like one hell of a drink.

Oh, yeah.

I learned to mix this one in the army.

Were you a bartender then?

No. I was in explosives.

She left me a note.

Did I tell you that?

Yes, Gary.

Well, she did.

Look at this.

It doesn't even say love, Billy.

Just Billy.

You know how this makes me feel.

You told us eight times.

Women love to leave notes.

Flash used to leave me notes all the time.

Would you like to see the last note that she left me before she ran off for

good?

I've had it laminated.

You've seen it, Barney. Yeah.

Well, they all said the same thing, really.

Bye -bye, Barney.

I'm leaving with the electrician. Bye -bye, Barney. I'm leaving with the

I'm in love with her. That's why I put up with this.

love with who?

Billy.

You're in love with Billy?

Where have you been the last year?

Right here on this stool.

I'm unemployed.

Control yourself.

What?

That chocolate mint brandy is sure insistent.

What do you say, Gary?

Ain't it time for your bedtime now, huh?

That girl.

That girl was so right to get angry with me. Hey, listen, I'll make you a nice

cup of black coffee. Gary, I never should have talked to her that way.

And then I'll get your cab.

I got to talk to her now.

Are you crazy?

It's after three in the morning.

You're right. That's right.

I shouldn't call.

I'll see you later.

Hey, wait a minute. I'll take you home.

Just give me five minutes.

Billy.

Billy.

All right, ten minutes more.

Come on.

Come on, Billy.

I gotta talk to you.

Ooh, not the cold water again, love.

Please, wake up.

I'm cold.

Are you awake, darling?

Oh, well, see, I came to warn you about the meteor shower.

Oh, it's terrible.

I mean, there's big rocks falling all over the place.

Well, you stay right down there, because I'm going to come down to have a word

with you. I'm worried to you.

Oh, no.

God help me.

Good work, God.

Billy, honey, I came to apologize, but I can't talk to you now. You've been

drinking. Drinking?

No. Gulping, yes.

Here you are,

fellas. Hair of the dog.

What is this?

Don't ask.

Just drink it. Did you put it in the sauerkraut juice?

Certainly. Oh, pants.

Are you expecting Billy soon? Any minute.

Hi.

I didn't expect to see you here this morning.

How are you feeling?

Like someone's playing racquetball between my ears.

Say, how are you going to drink that?

Oh, it's all yours.

Can we talk, please?

Sure.

Quietly.

Okay?

You know, Harry, that's nearly perfect.

All it needs is a dash of soy sauce and a little fresh cream.

I'm so embarrassed about last night.

I don't know. When you missed our date, I had something to drink. You know I

don't drink.

Anyway, all I really want to say is I'm sorry.

I'm truly sorry.

And I just wish we didn't keep having these arguments.

So do I.

Well, hungry customers are waiting. See you later.

Don't you now have something that you want to say to me?

Take to beer next time.

Pilly, don't you have something to say to me?

Like what?

Well, for starters, where the hell were you till three in the morning?

And don't I have a right to know?

Now that you mention it, no.

All right. I mean, if you don't want to tell me where you were, fine.

At least you owe me an apology for standing me up.

I left you a note.

The gas company leaves a note.

Did you guys hold it down?

I was nice enough to apologize.

Now you should do the same. Why should I apologize?

It's your time.

This is a game. You apologize, I apologize. I'm sick of these games.

If I want to go out, I'll go out. It's my choice.

Oh, Peachy, it's your choice.

Boy, everything's been your choice these days.

Well, well, here he is. The Romeo that comes visiting Julius with a rock in his

hand.

I have to shout.

Don't listen to me.

And you, I just found... that it's going to cost you $112 to get my busted

window fixed.

I'll pay for your damn window.

Look, look, running away from everything.

Running away all the time, out the door, just like a baby.

I can't take it.

I'm going over to McPhee's.

It's only got a tear of drums.

You, I warned you over and over again about running around with a Jewish guy.

could never work out for the two of you.

That's nothing.

issue here. What are you talking about? Certainly that's the issue.

Trying to make believe there that the two of you has been getting along

huh? You ain't been getting along, have you, huh?

Huh?

No. Well, case closed.

Am I right, Harry? You're always right, Arch.

He is not right.

People can disagree about many other things besides religion.

Let me put it to you this way.

Take any two... Harry, give me two things that don't mix.

Oil and water. Take oil and water. Leave me alone!

You know, Harry, we're surrounded by babies here.

Steamed broccoli.

Ah, that's good. No salt.

What do you mean, no salt?

Don't you know that salt is very good?

Don't give me the face. Geez, that goes back to prehistorical times.

Didn't you ever read your Bible?

If you'd done that, you'd know that salt's one of the most valuable things

the world.

Did you ever hear a lot?

Lot didn't have no more use for his wife, you know.

So the Lord said to him, what would you rather have instead?

Lot says, Lord, I could use some salt.

So the Lord turned Mrs.

Lot, who was kind of a big woman, into a ton of salt.

Lot looked up at the Lord. He says, Lord, thanks a lot.

And that's where they got that expression there.

So give me some salt. A lot.

No.

There's enough already in the food. And you're not having any more. And no

potatoes. You're having rice. Wait a minute. Wait a minute. Please. Have rice

again. Look at me.

Are my eyes getting slanty or something?

Stop giving me the Un -American festivals, huh?

Boys, there's no salt, no potatoes. Next thing you know, there's going to be no

beer. Light beer. Oh.

Everything you ever had in beer and more.

Can we make some room in here? Yeah, yeah, put it right here and I'll carve

for you. Okay. Oh, look at this. Gosh, ain't this beautiful lamb, huh?

Any time I ever see lamb on a big plate like this, you know, I think of the

little fellas prancing around in the springtime through the meadows.

I mean, you know, they're happy then.

Because they don't realize that they're going to wind up under the knife

swimming in their own juices.

So which would you like, girls, huh? The point or the pinky?

I think I'd like cornflakes.

Me too.

Ah, come on, come on. What's the matter with you? Honey, what are you, upset

about what's there?

What do you mean?

I really don't feel like talking about it right now.

Wait a minute. She's got a right to know, yeah?

This one here busted up with Gary.

Archie, you don't know what the hell you're talking about. Language,

Cut it out. You're upsetting her.

Why should I be upsetting her? I'm only telling the truth, huh? The truth is the

best thing.

And the truth is that that whole Rabinowitz family has been worried about

thing for a long time.

Believe what you ought to do about Gary. Why don't you just stay out of my

business? This is just between Gary and me.

Don't raise your voice to me, Barbara Lee. Yelling ain't nice.

Well, you don't be giving me the looks.

Just sit there like a nice little lady there with a pleasant expression on your

mug and wait for me to serve you the lamb which give up its legs so that you

could have nutrients.

I'll get it. Tell whoever it is, get

lost. Tell them you ain't gonna open the door for them.

I'm opening the door for you.

Hi, Gary.

Hi, Steph.

You want to speak to Billy?

Yeah.

Come on in.

Thanks.

Oh, well, well, well, Gary, it's nice to see you there. Listen, I'd ask you to

sit down and join us, but you wouldn't like this at all. It's a leg of pig.

You got a minute?

Billy, Billy, Billy, Billy, Billy, please don't be driving him crazy hard.

nice to him.

Since when are you so worried about being nice to Gary?

Since lately.

Happens to be a very nice guy and is very close to me. Sit down.

Billy, what's going on here?

I mean, it seems like we're arguing all the time. The whole relationship is

falling apart.

And we've got to do something about it.

You're right.

Good, good.

It's good that we're both on the same track with this.

Now, all we really have to do is, you know, talk out what's been bothering

of us.

Okay.

I don't think we should see each other anymore.

I've been thinking about this a lot, and I've been very confused.

You must have noticed that.

I'm sure I noticed it. I just hoped that it wasn't me.

It isn't you. It's me.

I'm just not ready to settle down.

You are. You're older.

You want things from me that I can't give you.

Well, I... I can't say that I didn't see it coming.

I guess I just didn't want to face it.

I mean, to be honest, the whole thing hasn't exactly been perfect for me

I guess I just hoped that, you know...

Give it a little time and it will work out.

So did I.

We've had

so

much fun.

And you've taught me things and helped me so much.

But you're not in love with me.

Listen, Billy, it's hard to know what to say because, I

mean, I know what you're going through.

It's very tough.

It's very tough to break up.

Very tough to break up.

But listen, you know, you're a young girl, and look at it this way. There'll

be many more breakups ahead of you.

You'll get through all of that by now.

And someday some guy will wander in, you know, and you'll like him a lot, and

you wouldn't dream of breaking up with him, and then you'll know that that's

probably the right guy.

You're right.

Yes, you're right. Now, you're always right, huh?

Oh, that's better, yes.

I'm glad to see you smiling.

It's going to be okay.

The kid is out there waiting.

Listen, you know what I was thinking, Billy?

After tasting the lamb, I just as soon have a bowl of cornflakes myself.