Original subtitles

Bunker, I've only been gone two weeks. Look how you keep records.

You draw teeny weeny pictures.

I learned that at that seminar you sent me to for the restaurant owners. Don't

you see them drawings, what they call visible A's, huh?

Look, I got beer kegs over here, huh? So I made a little drawing out of a beer

keg. I suppose the cow is the meat order.

No! Can't you see that particular cow there has the big dairies underneath

Milk?

Bingo.

A child could figure that stuff out. I don't want to hear no more from you

today. Big dairies?

Yes, big dairies.

Don't give me that face, sis. I certainly wasn't referring to you.

Where's Harry?

Larry called in late because Bonnie kept him up all night crying because this

was the anniversary of the first time that Blanche left him. How can I get

service around here? Just a minute, Barney. I'm busy right now. Boy, what a

dump. Hey, listen, if you don't like it... Hi,

Molly! Hi, Molly, look who's here!

How you doing there, Barney?

Hey, you feel good.

Don't do that.

Why didn't you phone or something? Well, you know I like to surprise you. Yeah,

but you know I hate surprises. I know.

Yeah.

Hey,

you ain't thinking of moving back to New York? No, are you kidding? I love San

Francisco. Oh, geez, I'm thrilled to hear that.

Well, come on, sit down. Will you tell me all about it? Okay, this is just a

quick trip to see my daughter and my grandson and maybe do a little business.

Hey, Mr. Klein.

Hey, you guys. How the hell are you there?

I think you miss Veronica back there, don't you?

No.

That's the way it is here, Murray, you know. Once you go out that door, who

cares?

Mr. Klein, can I get you something? No, it's too early in the morning for that.

Actually, what time is it?

Um, it's 10 .30. Ah, scratching the rocks.

Ah, bourbon for me, huh? To wash me down beer.

Ah. Atta boy, Brucie. Atta boy. Great job.

Who was that?

That was a horsefly. I know what that was, but who was that?

Oh, that there was Bruce. He works around here, you know, but the man lives

murder flies.

Well, listen, tell me about California. You still managing them buildings out

there? Yeah, yeah, but I'm going to give it up. It's just boring me to death.

Actually, I found a terrific bar in San Francisco.

Oh, thanks.

Oh, do tell.

Yeah, that's why I'm here. I'm going to...

I have to sell my share in this place.

Oh, well, Murray, listen. I'll start looking for a buyer for you right away.

I'll tell you, pal, it ain't going to be easy, you know, with the recession and

all. And so few people want to stay the course with Mr. Egan. Everybody's broke.

Well, I got someone right here in Queens.

You know who?

Oh, you'll love me. He's terrific. And he knows the business.

Oh, no, wait a minute. You see, all the bar in the Bronx.

The Bronx?

God, what kind of people have the... Just answer me one question.

Does he look like every other guy in here except one?

Don't worry.

He's white. Oh, jeez.

It's only my friend over here. He's always worried about the silliest

You had a year and a half to find someone you like, and you've vetoed

I've tried to sell to. Now, look.

I need the money. I'm going to sell this guy the place. And please don't give me

any arguments.

What do you mean? Every time I ever had a conversation with you was an argument.

I have to meet the guy right now. I'm coming back here. You'll like him. I

promise you that.

I'll be back after lunch. Two o 'clock. Wait a minute. Today?

Yes. I've got to settle this thing by the end of the week. Bunker, I give up.

that a pancake or a chicken?

The hell with the check that looked at this man.

Murray! Hey, how are you? Good to see you. What a surprise.

Lest you tell Murray Klein that he can't sell his share of the bar without my

disprove.

We've been through this before. Now, Murray can sell to anybody he wants to.

How you doing, Murray? I'm fine, Buck. Did you hear what he just said? You hear

this? You can't sell to nobody that I hate. Oh, yes, he can.

Unless the guy happens to be a crook or a registered pervert.

Look, I'll be back right after lunch. When I bring him back, try to be polite.

Okay? See you later. See you, Murray.

Hey, hey.

Why'd you have to try to be so nice to this guy?

Listen, Bunker. Now, you know this has been coming for two years.

Now, you're gonna have to have a new partner, and you might as well accept

He comes back in with that guy at two o 'clock.

I guarantee the guy's gonna be out of here by 2 .10. Make it five.

You're gonna make things worse for yourself.

What the hell do you know? You can't even tell a pancake from a chicken.

It's true.

Oh, Barney. Barney's sleeping at the bar. It looks like you.

Barney, why don't you go home and get into your own bed?

Oh, not today, Arch.

Oh, geez, I forgot. The blanch at the place.

That bed holds so many memories that don't include me.

Barney. I ain't got time for your problems today.

Today, I'm fighting for my life here.

If you were tired, go into the office and lay down, huh?

Thanks, Arch.

Don't be looking at me. Drink your beer.

What the hell is this all about?

Of course, this illegal's trying to tell me I can't get married. Now, does he

have the right to tell me I can't get married?

Why are you telling this man he can't get married?

Because if we marry Rosa Gonzalez, my sister Felicia is going to throw me out

the house.

The solution is this.

Don't marry Rosa Gonzalez.

Well, Mr.

Wagner, here it is, huh?

Oh, gee, this guy looks like a schmo. I'll have him out of here at 2 .04.

And this must be the new partner that Archie's been talking about. That's

Hi, Wagner. This is Harry Snowden.

Pleasure. You need anything, you just holler. Right. This is Archie Bunker.

Archie, say hi to hi.

Hi, hi.

Hi, hi.

This is a lot different from the Bronx.

Well, listen, you want to feel at home, we'll shoot holes in the walls.

He's a kid, huh? I know what you mean.

And I'm glad this is a low crime area.

Well, it's what the police call a four -moited night.

That means four a night. On the streets, or what goes on in the homes, there's

no record.

Look, it's like I was telling you. This is quite an operation.

There's a restaurant down there, and here's the bar.

Very impressive.

Guys, flying.

Thank you, Bruce. Great shot.

We do have horse flies.

But some of our long -legged rats are fast enough to catch most of them.

And what they miss, this man here gets.

Bruce, run in the back and empty some of the traps there.

You'll be surprised there, Si.

We almost get enough pelts every day to make a coat. Does your wife like that?

This is your wife, like a friend.

I told you, he's a great giver. A great giver.

Oh, gee.

My Latino's out there. It's a kind of a blood feud. One of them's from

Guadalajara, the other's from Nicaruga.

I'll set him. Excuse me, sir.

No, no.

No, no.

Very fine.

You want a half that cannon?

No, thank you.

Okay. But remember, it's always here in case you gotta use it. But please, shoot

the greys, never the hog.

Because these illegals, you know, they ain't as plentiful as they once were.

He doesn't use a gun.

Don't you remember that night I had a little too many there? I almost killed

you.

Look, I don't want you to get the wrong impression about this place. Come on in

the office, there. Oh, yes, yes, yes. I got to show you the office.

The office, sir.

Hi. Hi, sir.

The office, that's the main center of our entire operation. Go right in there.

What are you trying to do to me?

What are you talking about? All I'm doing is cooperating with you. Come on.

my poor friend, Barney Hefner. Do you remember Barney Murray?

Yes, yes.

Hey, hey, hey. Barney, wake up, Barney. Don't wake the poor guy up. I mean,

nowadays, he's happiest when he's unconscious.

He's been laid off of the bridge. He's broke.

Down flat, you know. He may even lose his home.

Si, we may have to let him move in here for a while. You know, not too long.

Recession's bound to be over in 85.

Step over here. I want to show you the bookkeeping system, see. I just learned

this. It's very good. I don't write nothing down in the orders no more, see.

No writing. I just draw little pictures, you know. I mean, of course, let's face

it. Literature today is a dead item.

Excuse me, please. Yeah.

Please. Oh, sure.

Yes.

I've seen enough.

More than enough.

Look, all right, please let me try to explain. There's no need to explain.

What's happening here.

This is like Bellevue with a liquor license.

I was safer in the Bronx.

I got the man out of 203, huh?

What kind of a crumb are you?

I'm only trying to help you. Oh, you call that help, huh? Well, let me tell

something. Since you're not going to let anyone buy my share, I'm going to buy

your share, and then I'm going to sell the whole damn thing right out from

you, and how do you like that?

Oh, hey, hey, hey, Murray, you can't do that. Oh, no?

Read your contract.

Or hire someone to read it to you.

Murray, wait a minute.

What a dream.

Oh, Arch.

I dreamed that Murray Klein came back.

Well, you know what he was doing to Blanche?

He ain't doing it to Blanche, Marty. He's doing it to me.

and see how Murray can buy the bar from you if you don't want to sell it.

Because of the way all they've been was wrote up, the part is a contract here. I

can't understand what he done there. I don't even understand the language. Look

at them words I marked off. I don't know what they mean.

In Paris de l 'Ecto, I in Terralia Paris passu.

Yiddish. What the hell am I supposed to do with Yiddish?

Larry, do you know anything about Yiddish?

Yiddish is all Greek to me.

These are legal terms. I'm sure this contract is valid or Murray wouldn't be

calling this meeting.

What are you going to do, Arch?

Harry, what I'm going to do is... I don't know what the hell I'm going to

Mr. Benowitz, Mr. Bunker is here without an appointment.

You heard that?

I'll take care of it, Lillian. I don't want to argue with him because I never

know when he's going to be dangerous.

You're kind of mysterious yourself, lady.

What about Murray Klein, Alex?

Does she have to be here?

Yes, she's my secretary.

Marsha, you remember Mr. Bunker? Not from this angle.

You could move.

Now, come on, Gary. What about Murray Klein?

Bunker, I'd love to discuss this with you, but it would be prejudicial to

Klein, who is my client.

Hey, I'm your client.

You and Murray are clients of this firm, and my Uncle Abe has arranged for me to

handle Murray's side.

You have been assigned to my brother, Harry.

Harry, that guy hates me.

Hate is a strong word.

But accurate.

Marsha, would you tell my brother his client is here?

Sure.

It would be my pleasure.

How could you do a thing like this to me, huh?

I mean, I've been looking at you as if you was the Jewish son. I never wanted

it.

Take the lady's orders.

Sorry, Pop.

This assignment is the nadir of my career, but if you have anything of

importance to say, which I doubt, say it and let's get on with this. We can't

get on with this. You can't be my lawyer.

you're worried about conflict of interest, please feel free to hire

firm. Oh, maybe I will.

Good. Just remember you pay them in advance.

Let's get on with this, sir. I've read your contract with Murray Kleinbunker.

Come into my office and I will explain it to you. What the hell is that to

explain? You don't stand a chance.

That's good, isn't he?

You may be smiling now, Gary, but remember this.

Every dog has his wine.

Oh, good. We are all here, so let's deal with this quickly.

Okay, fine, Marsha. I want you to get everything down. Now, don't miss a word,

okay? Okay, take a seat.

All right, not in that chair there. If you don't mind, I'll sit over here.

Hello, Arch.

Excuse me, Mr. Bunker. Do you spell B with a T, Z, or an S?

Marsha?

May we?

Now, paragraph four states...

In the event the partners determine that they can no longer mutually operate the

business, then either partner has the option to buy out the other partner's

share at the present market value. I know all about that, Gary. Your Uncle

wrote that in there for me so I could buy Murray out at any time.

Bunker, I already told you, regardless of your intent, that clause works for

either of you. Who the hell are you representing here? I am representing

and justice.

Well, you cannot represent that and me at the same time.

Can we continue?

I'd love to.

Now, my client, Mr. Klein, asserts that the partners have reached an impasse,

wherein they can no longer remain in business together.

Therefore, he's choosing to exercise his option.

Now, Mr. Klein originally purchased his share for $24 ,000.

That was before the restaurant addition. So, given today's economic

conditions... We feel that $40 ,000 is a perfectly fair price. Ah, who cares?

Who cares? I'll offer $50 ,000. $50 ,000?

$50 ,000, $50 ,000, $50 ,000. What the hell are you, a parrot?

Why didn't you do that in the first place? What's the difference? I'm doing

now. It's done.

It's over. Sutton, come on. We can all go home.

Uncle, where do you expect to get the money? Where does anybody get the money

a bank?

You're mortgaged up to your neck. The banks won't give you the money to buy a

toaster. Who'd... I got three toasters.

Tell him. You're my lawyer.

He's got three toasters.

Funker, you couldn't raise 50 cents.

Mr. Klein has offered $40 ,000, and I assert his legal right to purchase this

store. Is counsel agreed?

Absolutely. And the case is concluded.

Well, I ain't agreed, and counsel is fired.

Oh, thank you. Thank you.

Congratulations, Mr. Klein. Oh, yeah, thank you.

Oh, wait a minute, wait a minute, wait a minute. Is that all there is to this?

Oh, yes, that's all there is to this.

Sorry, Arch, but the only way to deal with you is tough.

Well, all I got to say to you, Murray Klein, is you left your heart in San

Francisco.

I left my money in the bar, and I want it back.

Sure.

But I ain't like you, Murray, you see.

I can't do like you and go off and start a new life all over again with a

beautiful wife named Leonie.

Marcy.

I'm sorry, Murray, but my memory tells me that her name is Leonie and that's

I'm all alone with two girls growing up around me there breaking my heart.

I ain't got nothing to wake up in the morning for.

I ain't got nothing to wake up in the morning for. Why the hell wake up?

Wake up, yes, and go into the city.

And jump off of the George Washington Bridge.

Why go to Manhattan? The Queensborough Bridge is right around the corner.

Molly, give me two months. I'll settle for three, you know? Three months to try

to do something else.

I mean, it's like a pal asking you for three more months of life.

Murray, please. Now, let's not undo what's been done.

The thing is settled.

Ah, see, he wants it settled.

So he won't have to wait for me no more.

That's what's going to make him happy. Oh, wait a minute. I've got an idea.

No, you don't. Listen to your brother who loves you.

Go ahead, Counsel.

Mr. Clyde, you do not have to take over Bunker's place.

You can borrow the money you need based on your equity in the bar.

Don't do this to me.

I mean, at least consult with your wife, Leone.

Oh, it's no use.

I talked to Leone about this, she'll only say... How come?

That's because Leone is a wonderful girl.

Now, do this thing, huh?

Me and Leone.

Deal, Maria, deal, deal.

I'm sorry.

Oh, Murray, Murray, I'll never forget you for this. You shouldn't.

Congratulations, Bunker.

And Gary, hope you enjoy yourself.

Come on, come on, Murray, look at that. The bar will have a drink.

Yeah, you'll pay.

Well, for the first one anyway, huh?

And you, I'll see you at 9 a .m. tomorrow morning at the bar.

The nightmare continues.

Oh, your voice.

Murray, Murray, Murray.

Oh, listen, hey, hey, hey.

You ain't sorry about it. No, of course not. Come on, will you? You're still the

best apparel. Best in the world.

Of course. That's what really means something to me. Yeah, of course. Come