All language subtitles for archie_bunker_s_place_s04e17_the_red_herring

You know, seeing this picture in the
paper here, I'd say the president's

younger every day, wouldn't you?

Arch, I haven't seen Mr. Reagan since he
was playing football in the movies.

Oh, gee, that's right, yeah.

I forgot you was blind, Mr. Dan.

Now, let me tell you something. He's
better looking than ever, despite of all

them stories you hear about his gray
hairs, which is naturally called black.

You get the nice white skin, you know,
and the ready cheese. He's always

in one of them nifty black suits.

Who is elected president? Reagan or
Dracula?

That ain't very funny, you know. A
little respect ought to be awful. Guess

I'll give you a hint.

It's a man, not a woman.

Mike.

Mike Gorman, you old son of a gun.

That joke wasn't even funny when I could
see.

Oh.

Edgar, how are you? I'm fine, fine.

Everybody, I want you to meet a friend
of mine, Mike Gorman.

Hi, I'm Harry Snowden. Pleased to meet
you. Yeah, hi there. Nice to know you.

Look at this, Mr. Ben. I've got a
friend. Mike, what do you got here?

Your birthday present.

Four Mozart sonatas for flute and
strings.

Oh, my.

Thanks, thanks.

It's your birthday?

Tomorrow, tomorrow. Happy 65th birthday,
you old pie maker.

Pie maker?

Well, that's because of the Pie Delta
sorority. We went on a panty raid once,

and Edgar never came back.

Me? Oh, you mad, mad Mike.

Billy, Billy, men talk here. Get lost,
huh?

So, you two knew each other in college,
huh?

Uh -huh. At Rutgers.

We were both interested in politics
there. We don't talk politics in here.

What do you mean? We talk politics all
the time in here. We were just talking.

And by the way, did you catch that
president on TV the other night?

I certainly did.

Hey, exposing all them commies and
filtering the nuclear freeze movement.

You were smearing millions of people.

Boy, smearing's too good for them. I
wish I could have stood on that channel

watched it all happen, you know, but I
had to turn over to a military program.

Yeah, Gomer Pyle.

Why don't we have a little table, huh?

Billy's got a corner table open.

Yeah, sure, help yourself.

Yeah, sure.

Ah, yeah, pleased to meet you there,
because, you know, any friend of Mr. Van

Ars, who happens to be one of my closest
buddies in the world.

Archie, why don't we throw a party for
Mr. Van Ars? We could do it right here

the bar.

No, no, no, I don't want no parties.

I'll ask Mr. Gorman for a list of all
his old friends.

I said I don't want no parties.

Of course, we'll have to close the bar
because, you know, the guests wouldn't

want to be mingling with the regular
customers.

Who are you talking about, close the bar
and lose all of that business? My

regular customers are more important
than any guests. I help the guests.

You mean the guests will just have to
put up with the regulars?

Yes, the guests will have to put up with
the regulars.

Your bar.

I don't think this is going to be too
much of a party. There's no boys.

Well, uh, 65 -year -old boys.

I guess they can't play any of my
records.

Uh, no.

Barney, hurry up.

Mr. Vanna, I'll be here in a couple of
minutes. Yeah, I'll be ready. I hope he

likes his modest gift.

You see, unemployment has curtailed my
usual extravagance.

Bernie, you're wrapping a fork, a knife,
and a spoon.

Yeah, that's his gift. A complete
service for one.

Bernie, let's go on to the bar.

I know that.

But don't tell Van Awe. And don't tell
him it's not Sterling. Because otherwise

I might be too embarrassed to give it to
him.

Hey,

where have you been?

I've been out. Just about everybody's
here. Give me a break. It takes a little

time to shop for Mr. Van Nose's present.
I think it's something classy. A

bowling ball?

This here is the what he called
disguise.

The present is in there and he don't
want to know that.

Did you put the lights out at home?

Uh -huh. Did you put out the garbage
there? Uh -huh. Everything all right at

house? A bird got in. I'll kill it
later.

I'm Herb Taylor.

When is Edgar going to get here?

Oh, Mr. Gorman is bringing him over in a
few minutes.

He doesn't suspect a thing. Great.

I can't wait to see Edgar again.

I haven't seen him since the teachers'
union meetings back in the 50s. Really?

didn't know Mr. Van Rensselaer was a
teacher. Yeah, we talked together before

all the trouble.

What trouble?

You know, the committee stuff and all
that.

Committee? Ah, ancient history.

Excuse me, I think I see an old friend
over there.

What committee stuff?

Boy, I hope this isn't what I think it
is.

Ziggy?

Ziggy Kalbinski?

Is that you?

Rachel Hickerson.

Oh, my Lord.

I haven't seen you since the year. Oh,
well, we all went through, but we're

still here.

Have you seen her tailor?

Yeah. He looks good.

Ziggy didn't just get out of jail
yesterday. It's been years.

Is he still active in the party?

Party? What party?

This is what I think it is.

What do you think it is?

Look, honey, let me put it this way.

Did you see the movie Red?

Oh, I love Warren Beatty. I know you do.

He's a cute guy. But you remember what
the movie was about?

Yeah, Warren Beatty was in love with
Diane Keaton, who kept sleeping with

Nicholson, and I don't blame her for
someone who loved Jack Nicholson.

Honey, you're missing the point.

The people in the picture were
communists.

I missed a big surprise, huh?

Not yet.

Is something else coming?

With luck? No.

I never know what the hell he's talking
about.

Well, I'm going to mingle here. Oh, no,
no, no. Don't mingle. No mingling.

What are you talking about? Mr. Banner
will think I don't like his friends.

I'll find out soon enough.

Oh, no. What do you think he'll do when
he finds out who these people are?

Nothing major.

We'll just phone the FBI and the
National Guard.

Philly?

Philly? Yes, Mr. Van Halen, I'm right
here. Oh.

Philly, I understand that you organized
this surprise party.

Yeah. It was a nice idea.

Thank you. But you shouldn't have.

Oh, you really shouldn't have.

I know. I agree with you 100%. Another
thing. My name is Barney Hefner.

Yes. I think that the factories of this
country should be nationalized. I mean,

and the national anthem should be sung
every morning before white folly by a

prayer.

I'll explain it to you later. But right
now, we've got to stop Archie from

talking to certain key people. All
right. Like who?

Who's he talking to now?

Um, Herb Taylor. Yeah, that's one of the
key people.

All right, stop this. How are you going
to stop this?

With tact, Gary.

Tact. I think I better explain
something.

You're a Republican, ain't you?

But just look at the plight of the
working man in this country.

Talk about your exploitation.

I had to work all day in a woman's shoe
store.

Don't you like feet, darling?

I hate feet, darling.

I'll tell you what I do like.

Gee, I don't see no blood there. She
said you was fighting with knives.

Everybody, here's the cake.

Happy birthday, Mr. Van.

Oh, thank you, Stephanie, thank you.
Hey, I propose a toast to Mr. Van

Rensselaer. And to all those here who
sacrifice so much for their beliefs.

I'll drink to that. To the man who told
the Un -American Activities Committee to

go to hell, Edgar Van Rensselaer.

I'll drink to that. For he's a jolly
good fellow.

For he's a jolly good fellow.

For he's a jolly good fellow.

Calm down.

What do you mean, calm down?

I'm calmer this minute than I'll ever be
again in my life.

Hold that glass and let me through
there.

Just a minute. What the hell is going
on? What, am I surrounded here by a

of commies?

I don't think you are, Mr.

Bunker. I mean, most of us are liberals,
Democrats, maybe some socialists. Hey,

Arch.

Rachel here is a Trotskyite.

Barney, you dope, I'm talking about
politics, not disease.

And if she's got anything like that, you
just see to it that she don't use the

lady's can.

All right, let's not talk about this,
huh? Mr. Bernard, when I'm standing in

middle of communists, what the hell else
am I supposed to talk about?

Hey, how about that Knicks game last
night?

Thank you, old friend.

Maybe we better go. Yeah, that might be
best. I'll call you.

Thank you for your hospitality, Mr.
Booker. Oh, jeez, don't mention it. My

hospitality. I never saw you... Oh, gee,
one must always overreact. Honey, what

are you talking about, overreact? You
can't overreact to a communist. A

communist is a traitor.

I don't know what you're yelling about.

I mean, they really seem like nice,
ordinary people to me.

Hey, kid, that's your clue to being a
communist, a nice, ordinary person.

So long, Arch.

Party, party, party. Where the hell are
you going?

Going up to Rachel's place to party.

Do you know what kind of a party you're
getting into?

A memorable one, I hope.

But first, we are going to paint the
town red.

Party, party.

Do you think that woman's going to
brainwash Barney?

Hey, Bunker, it's a pretty small load to
wash.

That's what I'm worried about.

Maybe we better have a talk about this,
huh?

Yes, Mr. Van Rensselaer. I believe that
we ought to.

Now, here's the chair. Let's just sit
down and have that talk.

I certainly think so.

I mean...

There's only one question that I want to
ask you.

And that is, who are them people?

Why are they here? And what do they mean
to you?

Archie, will you stop interrogating Mr.
Van Honor? These are simple questions

with simple answers.

Well, you see, I was a high school
teacher.

I taught American history.

This was back in the 50s during the
height of the McCarthy era.

You should have seen McCarthy in action.

Charlie McCarthy?

No, Senator McCarthy.

Same name, different dummy.

Anyway, there were investigating
committees all over the place.

And here in New York, they subpoenaed
the leaders of the teachers' union.

And I was called up.

Why you, Mr. Van Resselier?

Because someone said that I was seen
associating...

with the people that you saw here
tonight.

In college and later when I was
teaching.

Anyway, the committee asked me a lot of
questions.

Oh, I know the one question they must
have asked you, Mr. Bernard. A communist

question, right?

That's right, they did.

Well, you told them you wasn't, didn't
you?

No, I didn't.

Archie, just leave him alone, okay?

Listen, listen, kid.

I'm going to ask some questions, and
maybe you better leave us alone.

Mr. Van Laan, this means a lot to me.

I mean to say, if you want to remain my
friend, you've got to answer to me that

question that you wouldn't answer for
that committee.

Are you now, or have you ever been a
communist?

Arch.

I want to remain your friend.

But I didn't answer that question then,
and I'm not going to answer it now.

You're not dead.

You can answer it.

I guess there ain't nothing more to be
said.

I guess you're right.

Oh, I think you've been a little
ridiculous about this communist thing.

Let me tell you something, Harry.

When it comes to communism, you can't be
too ridiculous.

Late Richard E. Nixon, remember?

He went all the way to the top on that.

All the way to Russia to try to make
peace.

Ah, come on. Let me tell you something.
That was the one big mistake of the

man's reign.

You know, Walter, you ought to leave
your brain to science.

Hey, Mr. Wiseguy, I might just do that.
Leave my break to science one of these

days. I meant now.

Archie, we all know you're upset because
Mr. Bernard is your friend.

No, not no more, he ain't. No more.

But why?

Just because he was a communist doesn't
mean he still is. Whoa, whoa, wait a

minute.

How do you know he was ever a communist?

It's obvious, isn't it?

Yes, yes.

All of his friends were communists. Ah,
oh, that's guilt by association.

I mean, using that kind of logic, your
uncle is Mr. Van Aert's friend. What

that make him?

That would make me a communist if he was
still my friend, which he ain't.

You see my point?

During the McCarthy era, thousands of
innocent people were accused of being

communists just because they had friends
who may have been.

And that's what could have happened to
Mr. Van Aert.

Oh, I understand.

Oh, excuse me there, buddy, but this
place is the barber's resort for a

customer. To hell with him.

He's right.

Who is

it?

Uh, it's only me, Mr. Vance. It's the
Archie Bunker here.

Arch?

Just a minute.

What brings you here, Arch?

Well, I was just going bowling, see.

Yes? Well, I suddenly realized that if I
was going bowling, I shouldn't really

be passing your front door because the
bowling alley's in the opposite

direction.

So, uh, while I'm trying to figure out
what I was doing down there, I thought

maybe I'd come up and ask you about it.

Would you like to come in? I certainly
would, Mr. Bernal, yes.

I'm glad.

Glad you stopped by, Arch.

That was nice of you to give me that
party.

Oh, don't mention it.

Mind if I sit down by the window over
there?

No, no. Please, please do.

You know, I was thinking, the government
every now and then makes mistakes, as

we all know.

I mean, who's to say that you was the
only blind guy by the name of Van

Rensselaer that was teaching school in
them days?

A city the size of New York, there could
have been hundreds of us there.

And the government mixed you up with
some other guy, the real guy, you know,

who, from all we know, could still be at
large.

I'll never forget the morning of that
hearing.

You know what I did after that hearing?

You went to lunch.

I went job hunting.

The Board of Education fired me.

But what can you expect when you refuse
to answer the questions that the

committee asked you?

The Constitution says I don't have to
answer questions like that.

I don't have to tell the government what
I think, what I read, who I vote for,

or who my friends are.

There's times, you know, of emergency
where you've got to take the

and set it one side and do what the hell
you're told.

I can't agree with you.

Ah, Mr. Bannock, come on, you gotta
agree with that.

Arch, if I have to agree with it, it'll
be a friend.

But I'm afraid we can't be friends.

Well, you don't have to yell at me about
it.

I, uh... One of the reasons I come over
was I wanted to bring you this birthday

present I got you here.

Birthday present?

Yeah, it's, uh...

It's just a little piece of sculpture.

What is it?

It's Ronnie Regan's head.

Oh, you mean it's a bust?

No, it's his head.

When he comes on the TV, you know, you
could... You could touch that, see?

And then you could see him just like the
rest of us.

That's wonderful.

Thank you, Arch.

Hey, will you be back at your old place
at the bar?

Sure thing.

Oh, that's swell, Mr. Van Aar.

While talking to that, I guess I'd
better get back to the bar myself.

You know how they are down there. They
find it hard to run everything and all

this. I'm there watching them, telling
them what to do and all that.

There's just one very minor point before
I leave.

I know you wasn't ever no communist or
anything, and I ain't gonna ask you the

question.

Oh, that's all water over the bridge.

But I would like to know, did you ever
go to one of them, uh, them commie

party meetings?

Just one.

I don't know. It was probably years and
years ago.

No.

When was it?

The other night at your place.