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Good morning, Shirley.
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Good morning, Harry.
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Hi, Art.
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What is this?
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Is that your morning greeting or is that
your chronic drug, Aelitis?
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Give me a break.
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I had a long, frustrating night last
night.
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Hey, just because you're outlaid,
carousing with some dame you can't make
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with, don't lay that off on me.
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I was here last night, carousing with
three drunks till 2 a .m.
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You know what it's like listening to 87
choruses of Luck Be A Lady tonight?
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Well, listen, it could be worse, you
know, when I am here and they're giving
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it's up to you, New York, New York.
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And that's all, you know, I nearly threw
up.
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I'm tired.
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I've been tired for weeks.
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We need a relief bartender. I need more
time off.
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Time off for what? Come on, Harry.
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You finish your day's work here. You
drive home. You watch a little TV. You
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to tell it. You go to bed.
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Hey, what the hell, Walker? The man
wanting a line of happiness.
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You got Raul filling in.
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He ain't making it, Arch.
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Harry, between you and Raul, me, we got
three bartenders. We got enough
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bartenders. You know, case closed.
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What case are you closing this time,
Bunker?
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Why is it whenever I hear a smart
remark, I turn around and see your face?
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There's another part of my anatomy I
could show you.
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Good.
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Then show it to me as you head for New
York.
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May I ask them again for a regular part
-time bartender? Well, if you want my
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opinion, I think we need one.
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If you want my opinion, I don't want
your opinion.
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Gentlemen, here's a final opinion.
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You get me a relief bartender, or I give
you my notice.
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Ah, listen to this guy. Gee, what a baby
he is. The minute he don't get his way,
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he's all for handing in his notice.
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Look, Bunker, what have you got against
hiring somebody else?
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They don't want to pay anybody else.
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That ain't it. That ain't it, Harry.
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You know me.
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It's never a question of money with me.
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But in which you ain't got no idea of
how excruciating it is to break down a
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employee.
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Yeah.
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Take the Chinaman there. What, do you
think he was born with that fly swatter
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his head?
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I know. He owes his career to you.
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You train a new relief bartender or you
train a new permanent one. It's your
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choice. Will you cut it out? You know
damn well you ain't gonna quit.
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I quit.
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Bye, guys. Bye, Harry. All right. All
right. All right, Harry.
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Geez, all right. I'll get another guy.
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I don't know where the hell I'm gonna
get one.
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But I guess there must be one
uncomplaining illegal in the city of New
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knows how to pour a drink.
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Hey, senores.
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Uh, any new arrivals over the boats?
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Uh, well, fuck it.
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Wait a minute.
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Using illegals back in the kitchen,
that's one thing, but right up front?
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Uh -uh.
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You're gonna have to go union. Oh, no,
no. He's right, Arch.
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You can wind up with three laps.
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City, state, and federal.
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He's right.
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You're right. He's right. You're right.
When the hell am I gonna be right?
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Still time.
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Here he comes.
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Oh, well, well, well.
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Ray, this is Archie Bunker.
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Oh, I take it you're the union rep, huh?
Yeah, right. I'm Ray Morelli.
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Oh, Morelli. Well, well. Come on, sit
down.
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Oh, what do you mean?
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Yeah,
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right. I picked up all of the lingo over
in Italy during WWII.
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Morelli. Well, I knew it had to be
something like Morelli.
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What's that supposed to mean?
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Well, I mean, most of you Union
officials nowadays is Italian. Long ago
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be the Irish, then it was the Jews.
Nowadays it's Jews.
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Hey, I made a little poetry today.
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I made a little poetry today.
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Hey, can I get you something? Hi, a
little refreshment, huh?
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I got some grappa, a little guinea
bread.
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How about a club soda?
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Uh -huh. I'll carry a seltzer for him.
I'll take a coffee.
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00:04:34,500 --> 00:04:36,480
Well, hey, you know, this is something.
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You're running around town in a nippy
suit trying to look honest.
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Better get Rabinowitz out here.
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Trying to look honest.
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I don't sound too nice.
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What did I say?
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It's kind of like an insult to my
nationality.
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Oh! No, no, no. Geez, I didn't mean
nothing like that.
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All I meant to say is that you guys come
a long way, you know, from the days
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when you was getting mowed down in front
of fruit stands.
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Hi, I'm Gary Rabinowitz, the business
manager. I'm Ray Morelli. Yeah, this
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is Ray Morelli. Hey, you got to be very
tactful, you know, with this guy. You
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know how you sometimes get very touchy
about being Jews?
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He's the same way about being a Dago.
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Thanks for the warning.
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So, you need another bartender? Yes,
sir. Let me do the talking, huh?
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All I need is a guy, you know, part
-time to fill in for my main man.
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These are some of the top people on our
hiring list.
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Take a look.
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Would you mind?
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Let's see who you got here.
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Abdul Mohammed.
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Tyrone Washington.
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Willie Jackson.
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Are these guys bartenders or part of a
basketball team?
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Mr. Morelli, what Mr. Bunker means is...
I think I know exactly what he means.
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That's what I was afraid of.
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I think I got exactly what you're
looking for.
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Ten years experience, white, stable work
record. And mention white.
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Yeah, yeah, you mentioned that. I was
very impressed by that.
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What's the name?
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Name's Pat McBride.
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I guess that's fine.
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Fine, fine, fine.
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Hey, Arch, the new bartender's here.
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What does he look like?
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Cute, very cute.
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What the hell did they do? Send me an
Irish fag.
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Don't be looking at me.
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Where the hell is he?
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Right here.
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This ain't a car, eh?
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I noticed.
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This is the owner, Archie Bunker. Arch,
meet Pat McBride.
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Hello, Mr. Bunker.
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Oh, hi.
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Pat McBride from the bartender's union?
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That's right.
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Oh, well, I think something must have
got, what do you call, misconscrued.
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I asked the bartender.
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I am a bartender.
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You don't get what I mean, sis. You
know, I don't need just a pretty girl
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going to clean up the glasses and stuff
and the straws and the umbrellas. I need
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a bartender.
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I see.
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You mean like a man bartender.
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I didn't say that.
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But yeah.
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Name a drink.
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Oh, come on. Name any drink. I'll tell
you how to make it. Honey, I ain't got
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time. Go on. Try me.
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Okay.
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Sidecar. An ounce and a half of brandy,
a half ounce of Cointreau, a half ounce
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of lemon juice, shaken well with cracked
ice and served into a cocktail glass.
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Close.
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That was perfect.
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All right, go make me one.
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Brandy and Cointreau in the back bar,
lemon juice under the bar on the right,
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cracked ice under the bar on the left.
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Why are you helping her? She's got to
know where the stuff is.
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Why are you pushing for a woman, huh?
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I'm sick and tired of all this feminism
in the ERA. I thought we was all through
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with dance.
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We had the most brilliant woman in the
country, Mrs. Phyllis Shoofly.
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Running her tail off throughout the 48,
trying to kill that thing, and I thought
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she killed it dead.
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Why are you bringing it back?
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A sidecar.
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Mr. Bunker, I've been tending bar for
ten years.
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I can make over 200 drinks.
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I know what goes in them, what to pour
them in, and how to serve them.
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00:09:43,800 --> 00:09:49,320
I tell jokes, I'm a good listener, an
avid sports fan, and I've thrown out my
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share of drunks.
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I think you should hire the young lady.
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Pat, this is the best martini I've ever
had.
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Thanks, Mr. Van Aar.
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00:10:00,580 --> 00:10:03,480
Yeah, Mr. Van Aar, complaining about his
drink down there.
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00:10:03,930 --> 00:10:05,490
I suppose yours is lousy, too.
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00:10:05,750 --> 00:10:08,190
No. My grasshopper is terrific.
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Don't tell Harry, but I think she mixes
a better drink than he does.
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00:10:12,810 --> 00:10:14,590
Ah, what do you know?
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If I put it in a frosted glass for you,
you'd drink dishwater.
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00:10:20,630 --> 00:10:23,430
If she was serving it, I'd drink tidy
bowl.
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00:10:25,250 --> 00:10:26,910
You're a dirty guy, Barney.
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00:10:28,070 --> 00:10:30,530
Hey, Arch, what did the Knicks do last
night?
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00:10:30,840 --> 00:10:34,100
Oh, I wouldn't know. Red Holtzman didn't
call me up with the result.
183
00:10:34,660 --> 00:10:35,880
Hubie Brown's the coach.
184
00:10:36,320 --> 00:10:38,340
They beat the Pistons in double
overtime.
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00:10:38,860 --> 00:10:41,240
Westfall won it with a three -point shot
at the buzzer.
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00:10:42,680 --> 00:10:46,520
Gee, I never heard anything so dumb in
my life. Excuse me, Lord.
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00:10:47,360 --> 00:10:48,360
Three points.
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00:10:48,940 --> 00:10:53,660
Gee, even a girl ought to know that a
basket in basketball is two points, not
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00:10:53,660 --> 00:10:54,660
three.
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00:10:54,930 --> 00:10:59,370
Unless it's shot from on or beyond the
line, 23 feet, 9 inches from the basket.
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00:10:59,610 --> 00:11:00,610
Got you there, Arch.
192
00:11:02,930 --> 00:11:06,530
Yeah, well, I would all due respect to
you, Mr. Bernard. I happen to think that
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00:11:06,530 --> 00:11:07,650
that's a stupid rule.
194
00:11:09,710 --> 00:11:13,610
I mean, even a giant collared guy
couldn't dunk one from way out there.
195
00:11:16,890 --> 00:11:19,250
Why are you getting sore about it, son?
You didn't mean you.
196
00:11:24,110 --> 00:11:25,110
That's $1 .80.
197
00:11:29,590 --> 00:11:30,670
Here you are. Thanks a lot.
198
00:11:30,890 --> 00:11:32,570
Wait a minute. I gave you a $20.
199
00:11:33,010 --> 00:11:34,150
No, sir. You gave me a $10.
200
00:11:34,370 --> 00:11:35,390
Oh, I know it was a $20.
201
00:11:36,010 --> 00:11:37,510
It was a $10. I saw it.
202
00:11:38,170 --> 00:11:40,270
Uh, well, wait a minute. Excuse me.
203
00:11:40,970 --> 00:11:42,350
Having some difficulties, sir?
204
00:11:42,750 --> 00:11:45,470
This guy said he gave me a $20 bill, but
it was a $10.
205
00:11:45,970 --> 00:11:47,450
I'm asking the man here.
206
00:11:48,550 --> 00:11:49,550
Continue, sir.
207
00:11:49,630 --> 00:11:53,330
The $20 had March 3rd, 10 o 'clock
reading on it. I made a doctor's
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00:11:53,330 --> 00:11:55,240
today. And had nothing else to write on.
209
00:11:56,360 --> 00:11:58,980
All right, we'll see about that. Excuse
me, please.
210
00:12:02,280 --> 00:12:03,280
Well,
211
00:12:04,880 --> 00:12:06,080
here it is.
212
00:12:06,780 --> 00:12:10,600
Here it is, sir. I guess we owe you an
apology.
213
00:12:10,920 --> 00:12:11,920
And ten dollars.
214
00:12:12,600 --> 00:12:13,640
Yeah, ten dollars.
215
00:12:16,820 --> 00:12:18,620
Archie, the guy's conning you.
216
00:12:19,310 --> 00:12:22,330
What are you talking about? Here was his
bill right in the drawer.
217
00:12:22,650 --> 00:12:25,690
He asked me to change that 20 -form a
few minutes ago.
218
00:12:26,830 --> 00:12:28,150
Listen, let me tell you something.
219
00:12:28,370 --> 00:12:32,150
You're just like all women. You just get
under pressure. You just get confused.
220
00:12:33,390 --> 00:12:34,390
Excuse me, huh?
221
00:12:35,270 --> 00:12:37,770
Hey, there you are. So sorry we didn't
convince you.
222
00:12:38,170 --> 00:12:39,129
No problem.
223
00:12:39,130 --> 00:12:42,130
It was an honest mistake. Yeah, I know.
Honest, yeah, but dumb.
224
00:12:43,310 --> 00:12:45,770
I'll bet he never made an easier 10
fucks.
225
00:12:46,570 --> 00:12:49,240
Hey. You know, it's no sense taking that
attitude.
226
00:12:49,580 --> 00:12:52,380
Let me tell you something. We've got a
policy here. We don't shortchange the
227
00:12:52,380 --> 00:12:55,820
customers. Of course, when we do that,
you know, we lose customers.
228
00:12:56,340 --> 00:12:57,980
You learned a lesson working here today?
229
00:13:00,080 --> 00:13:03,720
Yes. Well, maybe you can use it on your
next job, Corsette. You're true here.
230
00:13:10,260 --> 00:13:15,420
And don't give me that women are
confused stuff. She seemed to know
231
00:13:15,420 --> 00:13:16,420
was going on.
232
00:13:16,600 --> 00:13:18,660
And I bet that guy was a con man.
233
00:13:19,480 --> 00:13:23,840
Listen, if the guy was a con man, I'd be
$10 short and a till, wouldn't I?
234
00:13:24,420 --> 00:13:26,800
Arch, you're $10 short and a till.
235
00:13:30,460 --> 00:13:32,040
Tell that again, huh?
236
00:13:32,340 --> 00:13:33,159
I did.
237
00:13:33,160 --> 00:13:37,820
You got exactly $375 and a doctor's
appointment March the 3rd.
238
00:13:38,520 --> 00:13:40,940
I knew it. Now call up Pat and
apologize.
239
00:13:41,440 --> 00:13:42,860
If you're lucky, she'll come back.
240
00:13:44,910 --> 00:13:47,490
Morning, Mr. Bunker. Oh, hi there,
Morelli.
241
00:13:47,990 --> 00:13:49,270
This is Ben Prescott.
242
00:13:50,070 --> 00:13:51,790
Oh, you brought the guy.
243
00:13:51,990 --> 00:13:54,490
Harry, your relief bartender's over
here.
244
00:13:54,830 --> 00:13:56,410
Mr. Bunker, I'm an attorney.
245
00:13:56,990 --> 00:14:00,770
Oh, listen, hey, you're moonlighting. I
don't give a damn. It's hard times. A
246
00:14:00,770 --> 00:14:02,010
lot of people are doing that nowadays.
247
00:14:02,370 --> 00:14:06,530
Go behind the bar. Help Harry cut the
oranges there. Start getting the swizzle
248
00:14:06,530 --> 00:14:08,170
sticks and the straws ready for the
drinks.
249
00:14:08,390 --> 00:14:09,390
No, no, Bunker.
250
00:14:09,670 --> 00:14:11,050
Prescott's a lawyer for the union.
251
00:14:11,550 --> 00:14:15,690
Mrs. McBride's filed a formal complaint
against you with the Equal Employment
252
00:14:15,690 --> 00:14:16,750
Opportunities Commission.
253
00:14:17,070 --> 00:14:19,830
Here's your notice to appear before the
grievance committee.
254
00:14:20,110 --> 00:14:24,390
Mrs. McBride is charging you with
wrongful termination based on sex
255
00:14:24,390 --> 00:14:26,830
discrimination. On sex?
256
00:14:27,410 --> 00:14:29,690
What the hell are you talking about?
257
00:14:30,170 --> 00:14:32,190
I never touched that woman.
258
00:14:32,730 --> 00:14:36,290
Except if he wants her twice behind the
bar brushing thighs.
259
00:14:37,150 --> 00:14:39,350
Appear on the date indicated.
260
00:14:42,939 --> 00:14:47,680
Oh, well, my God. This ain't the America
that I was born and raised and fought
261
00:14:47,680 --> 00:14:48,680
and died for.
262
00:14:50,280 --> 00:14:51,320
Not no more.
263
00:14:54,560 --> 00:14:57,240
Sure. Sure, Bunker, go ahead and ignore
the union.
264
00:14:57,640 --> 00:15:01,020
But then it'll go to court and you could
be fined very heavily for this. Will
265
00:15:01,020 --> 00:15:02,940
you tell me something, please?
266
00:15:03,240 --> 00:15:08,280
When the hell did I lose my
constitutional right to hire and fire
267
00:15:08,280 --> 00:15:09,280
want?
268
00:15:10,520 --> 00:15:14,100
We got that right by a three -to -one
vote of our four boys.
269
00:15:16,480 --> 00:15:20,540
You got the right to life, liberty, and
the pursuit of money, and you can use a
270
00:15:20,540 --> 00:15:21,540
gun if you want.
271
00:15:23,020 --> 00:15:24,700
I guess we're lucky you didn't shoot
her.
272
00:15:28,040 --> 00:15:30,240
Maybe you ought to bring that up with
the green machine.
273
00:15:31,440 --> 00:15:34,240
Look, Bunker, we are going to settle
this.
274
00:15:34,980 --> 00:15:37,480
Now, if we hire her back, she might drop
the charges.
275
00:15:37,720 --> 00:15:42,800
No, no, no. Oh, absolutely not. I refuse
to do that on the grounds of
276
00:15:42,800 --> 00:15:43,800
principles.
277
00:15:44,720 --> 00:15:50,760
Why do I have to hire somebody that I
don't want, huh? Can you give me one
278
00:15:50,760 --> 00:15:52,420
reason? I can give you plenty.
279
00:15:52,620 --> 00:15:56,580
There's court fees and time. This thing
can run into hundreds, maybe thousands
280
00:15:56,580 --> 00:15:57,580
of dollars.
281
00:15:59,040 --> 00:16:02,740
Oh, well, for God's sakes, how the hell
do you expect me to maintain my
282
00:16:02,740 --> 00:16:04,300
principles when you mention money?
283
00:16:12,800 --> 00:16:13,800
Remember, be nice.
284
00:16:14,040 --> 00:16:15,280
I'm always nice.
285
00:16:15,640 --> 00:16:16,639
Where's your mother?
286
00:16:16,640 --> 00:16:17,640
Who are you?
287
00:16:18,740 --> 00:16:20,840
I'm Mr. Bunker. We don't know you.
288
00:16:26,700 --> 00:16:33,420
You know, it ain't nice to slam a door
in a person's face
289
00:16:33,420 --> 00:16:34,419
there, huh?
290
00:16:34,420 --> 00:16:35,760
Why would a kid do that?
291
00:16:36,780 --> 00:16:38,940
Instinct. Oh, it's you.
292
00:16:39,680 --> 00:16:42,740
What are you, a boy here? You just
slammed the door right in my face.
293
00:16:42,960 --> 00:16:43,960
Cattle tail.
294
00:16:44,180 --> 00:16:46,520
You're not supposed to let in
undesirables.
295
00:16:47,380 --> 00:16:48,520
Boys, go play in your room.
296
00:16:53,740 --> 00:16:56,060
See the way kids answer back nowadays,
huh?
297
00:16:56,960 --> 00:17:00,220
Mrs. McBride, I'm Gary Rabinowitz. I'm
Mr. Bunker's lawyer.
298
00:17:00,460 --> 00:17:02,940
How do you do? Come in. Thank you.
Please, have a seat.
299
00:17:03,200 --> 00:17:04,200
Thank you very much.
300
00:17:05,119 --> 00:17:08,040
Well, this is a very nice place you have
here, Mrs. McBride.
301
00:17:08,619 --> 00:17:09,920
Thank you. Leave me, will you?
302
00:17:10,140 --> 00:17:12,579
That's what I'm going to say here, you
know.
303
00:17:12,839 --> 00:17:14,500
It's a very nice place you got here.
304
00:17:20,619 --> 00:17:22,280
It's a very nice place you got here.
305
00:17:26,319 --> 00:17:27,900
Could you please tell me what you want?
306
00:17:29,040 --> 00:17:34,440
Well, I mean, I just come to say that,
you know, I was expecting a he -pat
307
00:17:34,440 --> 00:17:35,780
there, not a she -pat.
308
00:17:35,980 --> 00:17:38,740
I mean, it's all a fault of your union
rep.
309
00:17:39,320 --> 00:17:43,100
Mr. Bunker, the word bartender is a non
-sexist word.
310
00:17:43,980 --> 00:17:48,640
Well, that's the problem there, see,
because, I mean, I didn't know. If he
311
00:17:48,640 --> 00:17:53,000
said a bartenderess, then I would have
known who he was.
312
00:17:53,220 --> 00:17:55,000
And then you wouldn't have seen me in
the first place.
313
00:17:55,880 --> 00:17:56,880
Well, no.
314
00:17:57,100 --> 00:18:01,680
Yeah, I mean, say something here. Why?
I'm enjoying this.
315
00:18:03,120 --> 00:18:05,980
All right. All right. Look, Mrs.
McBride. Pat.
316
00:18:06,200 --> 00:18:10,820
Pat. We both know that you didn't
shortchange that customer. And frankly,
317
00:18:10,820 --> 00:18:14,040
came here to apologize for the
misunderstanding and ask you to come
318
00:18:14,040 --> 00:18:15,920
work. If I drop the grievance?
319
00:18:16,400 --> 00:18:18,780
Well, sure you don't want to make
trouble, do you?
320
00:18:19,020 --> 00:18:20,020
You're unfair.
321
00:18:20,040 --> 00:18:21,240
You deserve to have trouble.
322
00:18:21,520 --> 00:18:24,140
Is that what you want out of life, Pat?
Trouble?
323
00:18:24,780 --> 00:18:27,420
No. No, I want to work. I want to live.
324
00:18:28,040 --> 00:18:29,700
Well, I think we could talk Mr.
325
00:18:29,920 --> 00:18:31,660
Bunker into letting you live.
326
00:18:33,020 --> 00:18:34,100
I don't mind.
327
00:18:34,940 --> 00:18:36,500
So why don't you come back to the bar?
328
00:18:38,340 --> 00:18:39,420
I don't think so.
329
00:18:40,000 --> 00:18:41,380
I don't want to work for him.
330
00:18:42,780 --> 00:18:46,560
Somebody's always looking over my
shoulder, waiting for me to make a
331
00:18:47,350 --> 00:18:48,850
I do make them occasionally.
332
00:18:50,370 --> 00:18:54,190
Well, yeah, I know that. I mean, that's
only human. Everybody makes mistakes.
333
00:18:54,590 --> 00:18:55,710
I've made one or two.
334
00:18:56,050 --> 00:18:57,190
Just since we got here.
335
00:18:59,430 --> 00:19:03,330
Ah, come on, let's cut through all this
and get to the point.
336
00:19:05,110 --> 00:19:10,410
I need a bartender over there. I need a
good bartender. And you're a good
337
00:19:10,410 --> 00:19:13,470
bartender. So, you want to wait?
338
00:19:14,250 --> 00:19:16,510
Do you agree to treat me like any other
employee?
339
00:19:17,210 --> 00:19:18,270
I wouldn't settle for that.
340
00:19:21,870 --> 00:19:24,610
Listen, I'll treat you as good as any
man.
341
00:19:25,050 --> 00:19:26,510
Can you do better than that?
342
00:19:27,310 --> 00:19:28,830
Probably, but I need the job.
343
00:19:30,030 --> 00:19:32,010
All right, I'll give it another try.
344
00:19:32,210 --> 00:19:35,010
That's great. And you'll drop the
grievance?
345
00:19:35,750 --> 00:19:38,110
And I'll drop the grievance. Oh, swell,
swell.
346
00:19:38,450 --> 00:19:39,450
This time.
347
00:19:41,670 --> 00:19:43,050
Well, that's fine.
348
00:19:43,650 --> 00:19:46,110
Come by tomorrow and we'll work out a
schedule. Okay.
349
00:19:46,540 --> 00:19:50,120
Yeah, that's right. Come on by tomorrow.
We work out a schedule there.
350
00:19:50,940 --> 00:19:56,920
By the way, what about the two little
boys who hate me?
351
00:19:58,600 --> 00:20:01,820
I mean, you might be working nights. How
are you going to look after them?
352
00:20:03,140 --> 00:20:04,780
Oh, I'll figure something out.
353
00:20:05,600 --> 00:20:07,320
That's what we women have to do now.
354
00:20:07,880 --> 00:20:10,240
Figure things out, make things work.
355
00:20:11,680 --> 00:20:15,640
We only have to hope that there are nice
guys like you around to help us do it.
356
00:20:19,980 --> 00:20:22,460
Well, uh, always glad to help.
357
00:20:24,540 --> 00:20:25,540
Good night.
358
00:20:25,780 --> 00:20:26,780
Night.
359
00:20:28,760 --> 00:20:29,860
Wait, wait.
360
00:20:30,920 --> 00:20:36,700
What's this in here about nice guys like
me, huh? I mean, was that a shot?
28912
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