Original subtitles

Hey, Arch, the cabin's ready. The car's all packed. I can hardly wait for

tomorrow. Yeah.

Oh, boy, it's great to get back into the old tackle box once more. You know, I

ain't been fishing a lot of the wind. Right.

I look way far over here, huh, bud?

A putrefied wife.

Okay, boss, we're going.

We got dates with two sisters.

What do you mean? You're dating nuns?

He means the Gonzalez sisters, and they ain't none.

They're floobies.

Floobies. He means floosies.

Very bad women.

Get out of here. These jabonis, they're all sex crazy.

Well, single fellas do have fun.

You know what my wife makes me do with her every Friday night?

Harry, spare us any of that.

I'm talking about going to the laundromat. What a bore.

Harry, Harry, Harry, Harry.

You silly lug.

Don't you know that it's married people like you and Alice that have the true

merriment? Really? Tell me about it.

Oh, not now.

Tonight I got a hot date.

I don't want to keep Josephine waiting.

Well,

have a good time there, Barney, but don't forget, fishing tomorrow night,

And I want to leave right after work.

You bet, Arch. And I want you to have a good time with Gerda. Oh, don't worry

about... What?

What? What?

Gerda, that's Josephine's sister. She'll be over to meet you in a couple of

minutes. Why?

Well, because, you see, Josephine wouldn't go out with me unless I fixed

with a date tonight.

See you all.

Don't go out that door. And there he goes, out the door.

Go ahead.

What the hell is this?

Why are you standing still for this? I'll tell you that right now.

Harry, you stick around and then lock up.

Hey, Alice is expecting me early tonight.

Well, get on the phone. Tell her you're going to be late.

Well, what am I going to tell her? Well, can't you just make up some excuse,

huh? Tell her of anything, and something believable, you know?

Tell her I died.

Hi, Alice. I'm going to be late tonight. I've got to close up.

I know, dear, but can't we go to the laundromat tomorrow night?

The linen sale, yeah.

Hey, honey, I gotta go now. A customer.

Hi. Hi. I'm looking for Archie Bunker.

Oh, you must be Gerda, huh?

Yes.

Well, you must be Archie.

Absolutely not. No way.

My name's Harry Snowden.

How are you, Harry?

So, where's Archie?

Oh, Archie. I don't know. He ain't here.

I've been stood up.

I'm really sorry.

Don't worry about it.

Thanks, Harry.

Well, I guess I better go.

Hey, don't go.

Stay here. Have a drink. On me. Oh, no, no, no. I couldn't do that. On Archie,

then.

That I could do.

What do you have?

Make it a hot toddy, please.

Hot toddy?

Just a great thing for these cold New York nights, huh?

I guess I picked up the habit in Vermont.

I go skiing there all the time.

Skiing? I love skiing.

Do you ski, too?

No. Well,

I always wanted to, but you don't know how scared my wife can get.

Oh, some wives are like that.

Too bad, huh?

I think the only way I could get her on a ski lift... as if there was a flea

market at the top.

Harry, you are funny.

I am? Yes.

People around here don't think so. When I tell a joke, they throw pretzels at

me. Better pretzels than beer bottles.

Hey, you got a pretty good sense of humor yourself.

Oh, isn't I have to?

If you met my husband, soon to be my ex, you'd know why.

That bad, huh? Well, in that case, after this, you better have another drink.

Oh, I'd love to.

But if I'm not sober when I get on my subway, I'm liable to end up in

You don't have to take the subway.

After I close up here, I'll give you a ride home.

That's very sweet, Harry.

Well, it's the least I could do.

Archie should have stuck around.

Who's Archie?

Caballero. Hey, you're looking good in there, Arch.

Buenos dias, mi amigos.

I guess to show you all women don't have to bring in misery.

Take Harry there.

His true joy is being married.

Well, you had Blanche. You lost her.

Why are you always bringing her up?

Think of fish, Bart.

Fish. Fish.

And all the fun we're going to have up at the lake.

Yeah. You're right, Arch.

Just you and me and Rusty.

Oh, no, no, no, no. No, Rusty ain't going to go. But who's going to feed

if I leave him here alone?

Hey, Bart. Bart, I'll take care of Rusty for you.

Oh, will you, Harry?

My pleasure.

Hey, that's what I call a real lovely gesture.

Just give me a key.

Oh, no. This key never leaves my person.

However, I have a spare key secreted in a place that no one would think of

looking in a thousand years.

Under the doormat.

What do you think you're talking to a child?

The key is under the clock on the mantel.

John, time out for a drink.

Hey, what would you like?

Strawberry margarita? Banana daigri?

Screwdriver? Why don't you just surprise me, lover?

Coming right up.

Unbelievable. The man has no absence.

Unbelievable. Absolutely unbelievable.

The man starts out with a picture trip and you don't even bring his tackle box

with you.

I'm sorry, Arch. I must have left it outside the car when I was unloading

Rusty's toys. All right, brilliance. Open the door, huh?

Let's get started. We should have been on the road about an hour ago. And look

at this.

What are you doing?

Feeding Rusty.

I'll give Rusty that stuff. It makes him sneeze.

Hey, look, fellas, I'll talk to you later. I swear there's nothing funny

on.

Ho,

ho, ho, ho.

Excuse me, please.

Nothing funny going on.

Then what, Tretel, was that thing?

Rusty.

Rusty. Flush in the turn.

Come on, Harry.

Rusty can't even lift up the seat.

Honey, it's getting lonely up here.

Don't come down!

What do you mean, don't come down? I want to come down!

Harry?

Okay.

What do you think of this here guy?

Three days this week. He's out for two -hour lunches. He's still saying it? Oh,

yes. Mr. Daniel, you could have knocked me over with a feather in Barney's house

when I seen that woman standing there.

What'd she look like?

How should I know she was naked?

You shouldn't be standing here listening to me. Move someplace else.

There's one thing I'm glad of, you know.

At least I give him credit for being intelligent enough not to be damn cool

enough to say anything to Alice.

Hi, Alice.

Hi, Alice. Hi.

Gee, Alice, you're here. Can I get you a drink or... No, no, no, thanks.

Listen, Archie, can I just talk to you for a second?

No.

Oh, yes, yes, Alice.

Certainly. What can I do for you?

Well, you're...

You know, you're Harry's friend, and you see him every day at work.

I was just kind of wondering if you had any idea why he's acting so strangely.

Oh, gee, Alice, I ain't seen anything strange about Harry. You, Mr. Venner?

No.

Oh,

come on, come on, try.

It's just that he seems so far away, you know, and doesn't talk to me anymore,

and stays out late every single night. I'm telling you, I don't know what to

Well,

the first thing to do, Alice, is sit down, huh?

You know, if I didn't know better, I'd think he was having an affair.

Alice.

No woman would be interested in Harry.

No, no, don't think that.

Think this.

Harry is still the same old guy.

When you get caught between the moon and... Harry, guess who's here? Alice.

Hi, Alice.

What are you doing here?

Alice is here to see you. Right, Alice?

Yeah, sure. I just dropped in. You see, maybe...

clothes. I had to buy them. Everything else was dirty.

Well, as long as you're all dressed up.

Want to take me out for lunch?

I, uh, I gotta go to Ganzoni's, pick up some clams.

Jose already picked up the clams.

Okay.

Guess you better just go.

Wherever it is you're going.

So long, Alice.

Don't be such a stranger, huh?

Yeah.

This here is very sad.

I want to have a word with you in New York.

Come on, get in there.

Sit down over there.

You listen to me. This here savage, he's got to come to an end to you, Harry.

And anyway, this ain't like you.

Wait a minute.

How do you know what I'm like?

Are you kidding?

I know you better than you know yourself. I've known you for years,

Snowman.

Snowden.

Whatever.

I'm trying to tell you this whole thing is wrong.

A 58 -year -old man like you carrying on.

I'm 51.

Get out of here.

All right, I'll take you away.

But that ain't the point.

That's exactly the point.

I've always seemed older than my years.

I've had to be an adult ever since my father died.

Oh, God, how I remember that day.

And a fine man he was.

I hate to think of what he'd think if he knew about all of this here. I remember

well, Harry, you and me standing together.

Alongside of the grave.

And then lowering the poor man into the ground.

Arch, he was lost at sea.

Now, please.

It ain't fair to Wallace.

You're absolutely right.

I gotta end it right now.

Yes, yes. That's what I want you to do. Do that.

I'm going to tell Alice.

Go and find Alice and tell her.

I think we should separate.

At least for a while.

Hey, thanks, Arch.

This little talk has helped me a lot.

What the hell went wrong?

So then I told Alice this was the best thing for both of us.

We were stagnating.

It was time we went out and met new people, experienced new things.

That's exactly what I hollered at Blanche as she drove off with the

By the way, thanks again for letting me stay here.

Are you kidding?

It's my pleasure.

Two swinging bachelors on the prowl.

You know, maybe I'll grow a beard. Oh, yeah.

And I might buy that underwear that Jim Palmer wears.

Why would you want to buy another guy's old underwear?

Forget it.

I'm going to call Gerda and tell her we are going out tonight.

Hey, she is fantastic.

Yeah. Does she have a sister?

Yeah.

Josephine. Did you go out with her?

Almost.

Hi, Gerda. Harry.

Hey, we off at the night, kid?

Huh?

Oh, sure, sure. I understand.

Well, Friday night, then.

Oh, uh, what about Saturday? That's better for me anyway.

Oh, you're busy, huh?

Well, uh, is it okay if I call you next week?

Terrific. Talk to you later.

Boy, you really did terrific.

I did? Sure.

They usually hang up on me.

Hey, Harry, how about a little Chinese checkers, huh?

Okay, Bond.

Just as soon as I finish unpacking. Great. I'll go get the board. I want to

the greenies.

What happened to my beer?

Oh, I'm sorry, Mr. Vannar.

I got a lot on my mind.

Did I tell you Gerda left me?

Yes, Harry, you did.

Yeah. She went back to her husband.

He bought her a new car.

A diesel.

Harry.

May I say something?

Oh, sure, Mr. Bernard.

You're starting to bug me.

I'm back there bugging poor Mr. Bernard.

Yeah, I know.

You know, the other day I heard this whimpering out in the front yard.

Rusty's dying?

That's what it sounded like.

But luckily it was only Harry.

Why don't you give Alice a call? I'm sure she'd be happy to hear from you.

Oh, no, no.

I couldn't do that.

Do it!

Alice says she'd be here any minute.

Oh, ain't this beautiful?

Love trials.

Oh, look who's here.

Hi, Alice.

Hi, Harry.

Hey, Alice, what'd you do to yourself?

Well, I got a new hairdo.

Harry, Alice looks better.

Listen, could we talk now? Because I got to get to work soon.

Wait, you got a job? Yeah, down at Alexander's.

I'm in ladies' lingerie.

Well, a very dignified line of work.

Yes. Why don't we go in the storeroom?

Sure.

She seems to be taking it okay.

She sounded fine. She's even got a job.

Yeah, ain't that nice?

You always hated women that worked.

Not always.

I'm flexible, you know. My mind is an open pit on a lot of subjects.

So, Alice, how you been?

Pretty good.

A lot better than I expected.

How you been, Harry?

Me? Oh, terrific.

Skiing, jogging, really feeling good about myself.

Alice, I'm so miserable.

I thought you said you felt terrific.

Oh, I am.

I just mean I feel miserable about the way I hurt you.

I did a terrible thing.

Yeah?

But you were right.

I was?

Sure.

But we were stagnating. I was much too dependent on you.

Oh, I wouldn't say that. Oh, Harry.

You were always there, you know, to take care of me and...

Now I'm changing.

I got you to thank for that.

Well, I swear.

Let's talk about getting back together again. I'll take you to dinner tonight.

Well, tonight, um, I'm having dinner with a friend.

Well, can't you break it with her?

Well, Harry, it's... It's not her.

It's him.

Why did all this have to happen?

I guess we were just in right.

They're coming.

Oh, hey, well, well, well, Alice, everything's settled, huh?

Yeah, everything's all settled.

Oh, ain't that nice.

Congratulations, Harry.

When do you go back to your house?

Tomorrow, Arch.

Tomorrow, that's good.

When I go to pick up the rest of my stuff.

I knew this was going to happen.

The minute I heard that that woman was taking the job, I said to myself, this

is the end.

Listen, Harry, why don't you come over to the house for dinner?

Oh, thanks, Billy.

Uh, Harry, uh, April would be a good month.

Harry shouldn't be alone right now. He needs his friends.

Let's do it tonight.

Well, Billy, you know, tonight, my favorite TV show, Dialing Fabola for

I'll make beef stroganoff.

I like beef stroganoff.

But, Jesus, I don't like beef stroganoff.

I like beef stroganoff.

So do I.

Why, whenever there's some tragedy, there's always two losers, some other

and me.