Original subtitles

Not only were they three cases short this week, but they're raising the price

our beer. Ah, geez, tell me about it, will you? I'm up to my keister in

concerns.

Veronica down in Florida or wherever, leaving me Jose on the griddle, and God

knows what he's cooking.

Hey, I was a good cook before I met you.

Before you sneaked up here from Nicaruga, you thought a BL team was a

lizards, and tamales.

The recipe was beans, lizards, and tamales.

Well, Mr. Van, out of all I know, it's tough being a businessman nowadays, you

know? Despite of all Mr. Regan is trying to do for the country.

True. I picked up my cheese yesterday.

Well, I don't know. Nowadays, I feel like something. I don't know. Maybe a

vacation.

Speaking of vacations, Archie, have you thought about mine?

Yours?

You just left Baltimore.

I mean, getting out of there should be vacation enough for a lifetime.

I've been here for months. I need a change of scenery.

Oh, a change of scenery. Well, just take the trash from here out to the alley.

That's funny.

Funny.

Well, you know, this is what you got to do when they come up with this stuff.

Archie, hi.

Oh, hi.

How are things?

Oh, things is... Wholesale prices are up.

Hi, Barney. How are you doing? How are you, Catherine?

Fine. How are you?

Good. Well, well, well, well, I guess you all know Catherine Logan, huh?

Yeah. Hi, Catherine. Hi. I know I sure do.

Oh, hey, hey.

I want to tell you that there's no hard feelings since I saw you last.

As a matter of fact, I'm dating a different girl every week. Oh, I'm happy

you. Yeah. Well, I prefer it that way.

And coincidentally, so do most of the girls.

Now, Barney, we're all very happy for you there.

Catherine, come on over here, will you?

Maybe you'd just like to sit down at that table. No, not that one, way over

there. Gee, it's so nice to see you.

What brings you to this neck of the woods?

I had some stops to make in the neighborhood, so... Who is that lady?

familiar. Well, it's a girl I used to date.

Until she showed some interest in Archie, and then I graciously stepped

She dumped him.

Ring Magazine gave me a job in the ad department.

Oh, that's right. Your late husband, Mr. Soul. He used to work for them. Yeah,

right. Oh, gee.

So, how long has it been?

Oh, I ain't got no memories, but things like that.

Four or five months.

Uh, six.

Well, gee, what kind of a host am I, huh? I ought to order a little something

drink. Oh, I really don't have time. Oh, please don't be silly. Have a little

something there.

Look at them all gawking over here.

What are you staring at?

I wasn't staring.

Now, Billy, bring us a couple of beers, huh?

You know something? I nearly called you up about two weeks ago.

You did? Yeah. A bunch of us was arguing in here about how long was the long

count and the Dempsey -Toney fight and all.

But somebody come in and knew the answer, so I didn't bother.

Oh, that.

Well, it wasn't only that.

I thought it would be nice to talk to you.

Why didn't you?

It was so late.

I wouldn't have minded.

You wouldn't have?

Mm -mm.

Gee, it's a shame that you come in at just this time and over the lunch crowd.

I've got to go anyway.

Well, no, not before having something for lunch, huh?

Oh, I'm late. I'm late.

I'll see you.

Yeah, really?

Like when?

Is she coming back?

No, no, no. She ain't coming.

Well, yeah, maybe she'll come back. I don't know. Why are you staring at me?

Clear away the table or something.

Clear what?

Well, clean the table back.

What do you think of it? I'll tell him to hurry up.

Excuse me, Mr.

Bernard. Arch? Yeah.

Did you ask the lady out?

No, I didn't. Well,

are you gonna?

No.

Hey, Arch, don't hesitate on my account.

Catherine and me are ancient history.

Do tell.

Yeah, you might say we were just a brief stroll down the boulevard of broken

dreams.

Do you mind if I don't discuss Catherine and me with you, Barney?

Suppose Arch was struck by a cupid's arrow?

Well, he sure is a big enough target.

Hey, kid, ain't it about time for you to be to bed?

No, I like studying down here.

Well, I'm going to be bothering you in a minute with that TV, you know.

You're going to be showing them classic repeats of the rifleman.

Do you want me to go upstairs?

Yeah.

Well, why didn't you just say so?

Geez, I thought I did.

Okay, okay.

Don't be fresh.

Don't be stamping up them stairs.

Ah, hello. Could I speak to Catherine Logan, please?

Oh, that's you. Geez, I didn't recognize the voice.

Well, you know, I never talked to you on the phone before.

Oh,

how did you know it was me?

Very good guess.

Listen, what about you going to dinner with me some night? You know, my treat.

Well, any night at all. What about tomorrow at 7 o 'clock?

Oh, swell.

Yeah, I remember the way over there, G. I walked past your place, you know, at

least once or twice since then.

Great.

Great. Okay.

Some more.

Was you listening in up there?

I got the key. I don't think you can open it with a rabbit's foot. Oh, it's a

rabbit's foot. No, no, I got the key in there. No, no, they're all set.

Would you like a nightcap?

Yeah, yeah, I'd like some.

Oh, oh, yeah, excuse me. You know, I was getting a little nauseated in that cab

there. What the hell is that?

Marijuana.

That's what that was.

I wonder who took the shortcut to a shopping mall.

Yeah, be it. That would be beautiful.

Okay.

Hey, wait a minute. The last time you were here, I turned around and you were

gone. Oh, no, I ain't going no place. See, my hat's on the hook there.

Hey, awful nice apartment you got here, Catherine.

Thank you.

Yeah. Well, uh...

Fish in the Aquarius and everything.

Tropical fish are a hobby of mine. I took it up a couple of years ago.

I, uh, I bought some fish in a tank for my kid, you know, but hardly a week goes

by we don't see one or two of them floating belly up.

And I'm dead.

Well, she's probably overfeeding him.

Oh, I don't believe it even so.

She thinks they have sense enough to quit eating when they're full, huh?

Hey, who's looking at you? Who's looking at you?

Okay.

You know what I just spied on a wall here, huh?

There's one of my heroes there, huh?

Yeah. That's the brown bomber from Detroit, Joe Lewis. What a man.

Why does he say that to Frank, all the best, Joe? He must have sent that to

husband, huh? Yeah, Frank knew all of them.

Hey, you want to see his scrapbook? Oh, yeah, I want to see everything you got.

This is it, huh?

See, let's see who you got all here right away. Max Bear there.

Hey, hey.

And Max Schmelly. Oh, Jack Dempsey.

This is the white section here, I guess, huh?

Yeah.

Oh, yeah, the colored guys are back here.

Why did they have these guys up on the road with Joe?

Most of them were, but I finally took them down.

Yeah, why?

Because that's my past and this is my present.

Oh.

Well, that's pretty good, you know, when you can break off the past from the

present just by moving pictures around.

Yeah, well, it can be done.

I had an awful good time tonight.

So did I.

Can I ask you something?

Yeah, go ahead.

Why do you like me?

You're funny.

That's it?

Hey, that ain't bad. A lot of people are very boring.

Yeah, well, this is true.

And, um, you sing to me while we're dancing?

Well, it's like romantic, you know.

See, look at the time, huh?

And I gotta get up for work in the morning.

Me too.

I shouldn't have drunk all that.

wine tonight, you know, because it's going to be tough to drive.

Yeah, that's right.

Especially since you don't have a car. Oh, I ain't got a car.

Prepare to go where no starship has gone before.

It's an ocean.

Underwater.

It's bigger than the Atlantic and Pacific combined.

But look out below.

We've got a visitor.

You might want to think about getting us out of here. A terrifying enemy lurks

in the Pacific.

We've got a breach!

Firing phasers.

Voyager.

Tonight at 9 on UPN 57.

It's beginning to look a lot like Christmas. Nothing brings back warm

memories like the songs and carols you love.

And only time... Three of Christmas, Department 1, Richmond, Virginia.

Just remember, don't ask him too many questions.

Why not? How else are we going to find out?

He'll probably be in a terrible mood this morning. I mean, who knows what

he got in last night?

3 .17.

Just remember, it's none of our business.

Hey, hey, ho, ho, ho. How's my two beautiful little nieces this morning?

ain't this nice?

Bought out my Cocoa Crunchies and coffee for me. Thank you very much.

Are you okay?

Yeah, fine. I never felt better.

Somebody spike your toothpaste.

Oh, come on. Well, it's a beautiful morning. Ain't a man supposed to be

the morning?

Sounds like your day went rather well.

Date? What do you mean, date?

With Catherine.

Well, come on, you know, it wasn't a date or something like that you were

thinking there. It was just going out to dinner with a person, that's all.

I mean, it could have been a friend, like Mr. Van Orr.

Except that she wears a dress and I don't have to cut her meat for me.

Where did she go? Did you have fun? Are you going to see her again? Oh, oh, oh.

You're firing questions at me like that.

Forget it, huh? Tell me about something else.

Okay.

You want to hear what Phil Rogers said to the teacher in French class?

Please don't tell me nothing about your annoying little playmates.

There's the two boyfriends he was getting a call for. How is everybody,

Manor? Well, just fine, Arch. Yes, well, how you doing there, Barney? And why

ain't you at work?

What do you mean?

I am.

Oh, God bless the civil service, huh?

Archie. Yeah?

Remember those old friends I was telling you I wanted to go visit in Baltimore?

What do you think if I could get a couple of days off sometime?

Two days to visit friends?

Nah, nah, nah.

That ain't enough.

You need a week to visit old friends, and it's very important to keep up your

contacts. And Baltimore should be beautiful this time of the year, as long

the wind keeps blowing.

Thanks a lot, Archie. Not much.

Well, sounds like you had a good time last night, Arch.

Yeah, yeah, I had a good time.

So you're going to ask her out again?

Yeah, maybe I will, how do you?

Hey, Arch, I think it's time we had a little talk, man to man.

Who's going to talk for you, boss?

I get it, yeah. Come on over here. Sure. Sit down. Yeah.

Have a little heart -to -heart here. Yeah.

What the hell is the trouble with you now?

No, it's not me. It's you.

You see, when it comes to women, I like to think of myself as, well, as a man of

the world.

In a word, sophisticated.

Well, say I believe that.

What are you getting at?

Well, in a word, caution.

What do you mean?

In a word, trouble.

In a word, what the hell are you talking about?

If you give Catherine any attention at all, she's going to start clinging to

like a vine and talking commitment.

The first thing she's going to do is start cozying up to your friends.

Next, she'll be in buying you little gifts.

And before you know it, pal, bang.

She's gonna shoot me, Barney?

Worse.

Marry you.

Oh, God, Dad. Now, will you stop? And will yous all stop, huh?

Geez, you see a man going out with a woman, the next thing you do, you're

comparing them to the prince and lady blind.

I ain't think about nothing like that. And Catherine ain't interested not at

all.

Oh, yeah?

Hello.

Hello. Catherine, how are you? How are you feeling?

Gee. Oh, hi.

Hey, look who's here.

Long time no see. Oh, yeah.

Yeah, well, hey, sit down. Sit down, please, there.

Hi. Hi. Yeah, so what, uh... Need I say more?

Will you shut up?

Oh, for goodness sakes, hey.

Oh, what brings you around?

Oh, nothing really. I just thought I'd bring you a little gift.

Oh, a little gift?

Oh,

gee, isn't that... Barney, Barney, why don't you have a drink? Harry, on the

house, huh? On the house, Barney? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Oh, gee. Open it.

I didn't expect nothing.

Here you go.

I don't think I ever got nothing like this before.

It's a little stuffed mouse with my wife.

No, it's a rabbit, Switzerland. You remember last night?

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, sure.

Last night was, uh, oh.

You know, you and me, we're just getting to know each other, right? Yeah.

And, uh, I wouldn't think that it would be right if you was to make any

commitments for yourself.

Oh? Uh, yeah, yeah, yeah, let me explain.

Please do.

Go on.

Uh, yeah, yeah. What I mean is that it wouldn't be right for you, you know, to

stop making plans about a kind of a no -strings guy like me who's busy running

all over the place, having two nieces at his throat all the time.

Uh, you want our relationship to be...

Casual? Is that what you're saying?

That's exactly the word there.

Casual. An excellent word.

You know what I mean?

Easy.

Fun.

No commitments.

No commitments.

Is that what you want?

Yeah.

But that don't mean we can't go out.

I mean, we can go out all we want.

I mean, you want to go out tonight, huh?

I'd love to.

Oh, swell.

But I have other plans.

Huh? I'm busy.

Prebeat's engagement.

Capisce?

What do you mean, already? You're starting to go up behind my back?

Hey, no strings, remember?

Yeah, but, uh... I

mean, after last night...

How could you think about going out with other guys?

Who I go out with is none of your business.

It ain't? No.

Well, I know, but I mean... Hold it. Our relationship is casual, remember?

Easy.

Fun.

No, no, this ain't good. I mean, I... Hey, Arch, I heard every word. You were

beautiful. I couldn't have done it better myself.

Ah, what the hell are you talking about?

You just got out of the clutches of a grasping woman.

Don't you feel better now?

Yeah, Barney, I feel terrific.

Good.

It's me.

Archie? Yeah?

You got a minute?

I was just about to leave.

A minute?

Come on in.

No hooks.

I see you got yourself up pretty nice with this guy.

Archie, if you have something to say, say it.

Well, could I sit down?

Go ahead.

Captain.

Oh, you're over there.

Wait a minute.

Come here, will you?

No.

I don't care nothing about the plans. You can make all the plans you want. I

just don't want you going out with other guys.

That's ridiculous. In the first place, I'm not going out with any other guys.

What the hell do you call this guy tonight?

I happen to be going out with two very good friends for dinner. And the reason

that I came by the bar is to invite you to join us.

Oh, good. I blew it.

Forget it.

Please, Captain, I'm sorry.

So, the invitation for tonight is still open.

Oh, yeah.

I accept your invitation.

For dinner.

Hi. Come on. We're going to this new Moroccan place.

What do you mean, Morocco?

What are your friends, Arabs?

A lot of fun.

She's a big deal. I can do that at the colonel's. The colonel doesn't need

dancing. Oh, whoop -dee -doo. All right, here's your coat.

Help me on with it.

Oh, gee, I'm sorry. Here you go. Hey.

Here you are.

The door?

Oh, yeah, sure.

Now, why in this one moment would I forget coats and doors?

Two things I've always been so careful about all my life.