All language subtitles for archie_bunker_s_place_s03e12_stephanie_s_tryout

Hey, hey, that ain't like you, leaving
half a lunch there.

People can get along with a lot less
food.

I gotta get back to school. Could you
sign this for me, please?

Yeah, sure.

What is this?

It's just a consent form.

Yeah? What am I consenting to?

Nothing is for me.

Wait a minute, wait a minute. The last
time I signed one of these things,

remember? I wound up on my behind in a
skating rink, looking up at a hundred

rotten little kids laughing at me?

We're the school baseball team. Oh, what
are you, a cheerleader or something?

Nope, a right fielder.

A what?

A right fielder.

Girls can try after the team now.

Are you listening to this, girls on the
baseball squad?

That's part of your ERA there, Arch.

You see the way the school's just
falling apart nowadays? Girls playing

baseball, but no prayers in the
classroom.

I pray in temple.

Girls ain't supposed to be playing boy
sports.

Oh, come on. Why can't she play
baseball?

It ain't so much the playing of the
baseball. It's the playing around.

It's what goes on in the locker rooms
after the game.

What? What?

I don't understand you.

Males and females looking at each other.
The Lord never intended that.

Geez, when I was in school, school, I
couldn't wait to get into the locker

There was this short stop.

Josh, Josh, Josh, will you please have
fun with the child?

The girls have their own locker room.

Listen, I think it's terrific that more
girls are going out for sports these

days. It develops their confidence.

I'll tell you what it develops.

Did you ever hear of muscles in the
wrong place?

Like between your ears?

I made big muscles in the arms and the
legs.

Yeah, like the Russian lady shot
putters. Don't like a Mack truck.

Yeah, but they're wider in the axle.

You know something? You want to develop
confidence in girls, I'll tell you what

to do. You put them in pretty dresses,
you tell them they're beautiful, and

that's it.

I want to play baseball.

No, kiddo. I'm sorry. I can't go for
that.

Oh, come on. Why can't she play ball?

When we use women lying, it's a
documentary fact.

And women ain't supposed to compete with
men.

You are such a chauvinist.

Oh, God, how I hate that word.

My daughter was forever calling me that.

Said my poor wife, rest her soul, almost
believed in it. Listen, the next time

that wonderful woman, Philly Shoefly, is
on the TV, I'm going to have you watch

her.

My girlfriends are trying out for the
team, so why can't I?

Because I said so. And case closed.

Here it comes, Stephanie. Catch it.

Oh, I got it.

Hey, hey, hey, hey. What's going on out
here?

Hey, come on. Stop. Stop that. I'm
coming out.

What do you stinkers are doing here?

Kambi's helping me practice.

Come on, come on, come on. Give me your
ball. He ain't supposed to be playing

hardball in a little yard like this.
It's dangerous.

And she ain't supposed to be playing
because she ain't getting on that

team. We're just having a little fun and
exercise.

Care to join us? No, no.

Hey, I'd sooner go in and watch the
president play football.

All right, Stephanie, here it comes.

Uh -oh, pathetic, pathetic, pathetic.

I take it you can do better.

Are you kidding?

You're looking at the only 300 hitter on
the 1940 Brian High varsity. Really,

Uncle Archie?

Do I ever lie?

Give me the ball. Let me show you
something.

All right, get ready for this, huh?

Ready? Here we go.

Strike one.

Give me the ball again. I just didn't
want to take a full swing.

Knock the ball into the traffic over
there by Northern Boulevard.

Okay, I'll lay down a button. Go. There
you go.

Hey, hey, hey, don't chase a bull like
that. You ain't chasing a kitty cat.

But I can catch it. When you can't catch
it, always block it. Block it. Block

it. Let me see what you're using here.

See, you were left -handed. That meant
it was for a variety. Where'd you find

that old hunk of junk?

From your trunk down in the cellar.

Oh, well.

That's because it's been down there many
years without air, you know.

Here, take it. I'll tell you what we do.
I'll try you out on your pitching.

Here's the ball.

I'll go over here and I'll catch you.

And you pitch him in, see?

Get down like this. Now put the ball
right in there. Right in there.

There you go.

Are you all right?

The ball took a bad hop.

I should have been wearing the mitt when
I was doing that. Maybe you should take

it easy. It's been a long time. No, no,
no. That's okay.

Hey, hey. Tell you what.

I'll give you some practice catching pop
flies, okay? Have you got enough room?

Sure. I hit them straight up in the air
and they come right down in the yard.

Hey, I used to be able to do this all
day long.

You ready now?

Here we go.

You better go get your ball.

Me? You hit it.

Oh, goody outfield. The outfielder's
always supposed to chase the ball there.

It sounded like somebody's window.
Definitely sounded like somebody's

Yeah, it sounded like somebody's window.

Ah, well, don't worry too much. Of
course, the party probably ain't home,

know. What kind of a lunatic would play
hardball in the midst of a residential

neighborhood? Oh, gee, Barney, it's good
it was you. Here, give me the ball.

Hey. You ain't doing anything. You want
to stay and play with us?

Never mind all that. Your ball busted my
window and you're going to pay for it.

All right, I'll pay, I'll pay.

Why are you playing with the kid anyway?

I thought you were against baseball with
girls.

Well, I changed my mind.

You mean you're going to let me try
after the team?

Yeah, why not?

I'll be right back with the consent form
before you change your mind again.

Good for you, Archie. You really made
her happy. Oh, that's swell, swell,

Fold it up, huh?

Only a trick.

Huh?

I seen the kid play. She ain't no goods.

So why should I stop her, you know?
She'll go try out for the team, they'll

her down, and then I'm off of the hook.

A little reverse psychology, huh? Hey.

That's pretty smart.

Hey.

Here it is.

Yeah, okay. Here, you hold the ball.

And I'll sign the consent form, see,
allowing you to play ball.

There we go.

Now. Thanks, Uncle Archie. Now can we
practice some more? Hey, I'll tell you

what you do.

Watch Barney and me play a little catch
here, huh? You take the mitt, Barney.

And I'll pitch to you. Why can't I
pitch?

Of course I'll pitch. Well, how come
you'll get the pitch?

Of course, it's my ball.

A little later, Mrs. Camby, after we
work out here.

All right, but don't overexert yourself.

Oh, don't worry about it. Fine.

Watch this, Seth.

There you go, fine. You ready? I didn't
see it in there. Hey, you're looking

good, Arch.

Ain't this fun, Stephanie?

Come on, then. Maybe you'll learn
something.

Oh, I think I could maybe go nine
innings again.

I think you could.

Oh, gee.

Oh, I hear pain.

Well, it's just a little soreness right
here, Mr. Van Arkham. Yesterday in the

garden, I was out there doing some
planting.

Hey, Ark, give me a hand with this, will
you? What do you want?

I ran your old health permit.

This year they want to put up there
where everybody can see it. Yeah, you

I'll hammer. Stick it up there. We'll
take a look and see what it looks like.

Oh! Oh!

What's the matter?

I can't put my right elbow.

Well, use the other one.

Oh, it's almost this bad.

Can't we just put it down here?

I hear agony.

What's with you two?

Oh, Arch coerced me into playing
baseball yesterday.

I used muscles I retired 30 years ago.

You play baseball?

Yeah, you know, we had to try to whip
the kid in shape.

Hey, you gonna let her join the team?

Hold it.

Hold it with you. She ain't gonna get on
that team. Don't be jumping to

contusions, huh?

Never put the horse in front of the
card.

Hi, everybody.

Hi, Stephanie.

Now, listen, we know you didn't make the
team. I'm awful glad you're not crying.

I'm going to take you to the movies.

But I did make the team.

Well, that's great.

And I'm the only girl who made it. And
I'll be practicing every day after

and all day Saturday.

Congratulations.

Well, well, very, very good.

And I owe it all to you.

Honey, don't say that. No, you've done
this all by yourself.

Hey, Steffi, come on in the kitchen.
I'll fix you a chocolate milk.

Okay. Go in there.

What the hell went wrong?

Hey.

Saturday. Remember your day off?

Have I got something to show you in the
Queen's shopping news.

Isn't that the most exciting thing
you've ever seen?

30 % off weekend lingerie sale.

I'm glad I received that news sitting
down.

The bottom of the page.

Oh, yeah. Oh, geez. Look at this. Dick
Marsh Junior High's team goes co -ed.

And there's the kid in her uniform.

Come on. I know you're more excited than
that. But you've been to practice every

day this week.

I wanted to be there to keep an eye on
her, you know, so she wouldn't hurt

herself. Come on, admit it. You're proud
of her. Well, I gotta admit she ain't

as bad as I thought she was gonna be.

And she's at least as good as some of
them there. Well, if it isn't the

celebrity. Yeah, celebrity is right.

Look what's in the paper.

My picture in the Queen's shopping...

read this. I'll cut it out for you, for
your scrapbook. Thanks, Mr. Canby. I'll

see you.

Yeah.

Wait a minute. Hey, didn't you see what
I brought you here?

Hey, wait a minute. Hey, look at this.

A Reggie Jackson glove. Yeah, and it's a
lefty, too, just for you.

You can't play the game right unless you
get the right equipment.

Huh?

Thanks, Uncle Archie.

Best right fielder ever.

Oh, that's the way to talk.

Yeah. Hey, keep playing the game hard,
you know, and get in all the practice

can. Who knows? Someday you could be
another Babe Deidre.

I ain't that nice. Here, read that last
part there again.

Are yous all listening over there?

Yeah.

Couch green.

Hold it, hold it, hold it.

What the hell?

Coach Green added that Miss Mills shows
remarkable agility.

Well, agility, that ain't a word. What
it means is ability.

Which I knew the minute I started the
coaching team.

As well as a thorough understanding of
the game.

Sure, why not? I'd give her all the
practice I knew.

So, Archie, when are you going to start
your strut? When I get over my boss.

Look, here. Hey, Stephanie gets quoted
here.

When asked how it feels to be the first
female player selected in the history of

the Astoria Hawks baseball team, Miss
Mills replied, neat.

I see you taught her how to handle the
press.

That kid talks with her best.

When's your first game, Arch?

Next Wednesday, 3 p .m. there.

And I want you to come along with me,
Mr. Banner. I'll give you a play -by

-play. Good, I'd like that.

Here comes the star out. Hey,

hey,

hey, hey, hey. Watch with the face
there.

You been crying or something?

Coach Green made another cut, and I'm
off the team.

He cut you from the team?

He can't do that.

That's up for your new miss.

Well, wait a minute, wait a minute. Did
he cut the runt and the fatso, too?

No.

You mean you're the only one he cut from
the team?

I'm sorry, Uncle Archie.

You're sorry? You ain't gonna be sorry
about.

You ain't done nothing wrong.

It's that coach who's gonna be sorry.

He's the guy that done something wrong.

I know how to handle this.

There's no use trying to stop me.

I know the story of a root. Of a toast
grain?

That's my name. Ask me again, I'll tell
you the same.

Uh, where are you? I'm over here. Where
are you?

I'm over here. Where are you? You better
stay where you are or I'll come and

find you. Ah, there you are.

Hey, well, your kid's on the team this
year. That's nice when the parents come

out and root their kids on. What's your
boy's name, huh?

Stephanie.

Oh, yeah.

These kids sure can't be pigs, can't
they? Oh, my little Stephanie ain't no

Oh, no, no, no, no. The kid's on the
team.

Well, that's what I come to ask you
there.

Why ain't she on the team?

Well, look, Mr. Mills.

Well, Bunker, Archie Bunker.

Well, look, Mr. Bunker, you see, being a
coach is not your easiest job in the

world. You know what I mean? Yeah, well,
yeah, I know all that. But, I mean, I

just wanted to... Oh,

that's okay. You didn't hurt it.

I just wanted to find out why you cut
her off. And tell me, just give me one

good reason.

Well, look, Archie, you mind if I call
you Archie? I mean, you seem like a

regular guy.

Look, Archie.

You know, you know, and I know that
girls are not cut out for baseball, huh?

mean, they're more for dancing and
cheerleading, that kind of stuff. I

don't want your Stephanie breaking out
muscles in all the wrong places, do you?

Now, you know and I know that out there
is a lot of hooey.

You want her suiting up here in the
locker room with all of these guys, huh?

We both know that that's a lot of hooey,
too, because she's got separate

dressing faculties in here.

Okay, then this whole thing just boils
down to this.

Girls cannot compete with boys. That is
a known proven fact of life.

Yeah, I know that, but listen.

I've been out watching that kid
Prattinson out there.

She's as good as any of the other kids
out there. She's better than that runt

with the big ears. Why don't you cut
him?

Because he's a hustler. The kid just
needs to grow, that's all.

Yeah, well, there's another one there
that grow too much. Who?

El Blimpo.

Which one's that?

You know, stupid -looking, fat, roly
-poly kids, always standing there,

his face, hunks of jelly rolls dripping
off his chin there.

He's standing there boiping while the
baseballs roll past him.

Why don't you cut him?

Because he's my son.

Oh, I see. I think we're through
talking.

Well, you know what I think?

I think you never wanted her on the team
in the first place.

Bunker, would you want her on the team
if you were the coach?

But then why did you have to lead her on
that way? I mean, all that junk in the

paper. Look, Bunker, I was getting a lot
of pressure to let a girl try out for

the team. So, okay, I let her make the
first cut. She gets a picture in the

paper. We get the publicity. I get off
the hook. Everybody is happy, right?

Oh, yeah.

Everybody is happy.

Except Stephanie. Her heart is broken.

Bunker, what would you rather have me
do?

Let her come out and practice every day,
then sit her on the bench all season

and never let her play?

See, nobody's thinking about a little
girl's feelings.

How the hell I'm not? I love those kids.
I'm a coach and I'm a teacher.

Well, you know what else you want?

What?

You want me to tell you?

Yeah. Yeah.

You are a showbiz.

I've been hearing that kind of talk for
years from people like you. Oh, Jesus.

I'm going to tell you what you are.
You're one of them bleeding hot

Uncle Archie, what happened?

What happened is I just had a
conversation with a very dumb guy.

I take it you didn't change his mind.

How could I change it? I couldn't find
it.

Did he at least say why he cut me off
from the team?

Yeah, he said why.

It's because you happened to be born a
girl.

But I was just as good as some of the
boys.

Oh, I know that. I know that.

Certainly he was just as good. Hey, he
was better than a lot of them there.

I want to tell you something.

This should be a lesson to you.

This here is a man's world, huh?

And most of the men in it, they ain't
like me.

They don't want girls to have no fun or
do nothing. 99 % of them, they ain't

even worth the time of day.

And that's why, when the time comes, I
got to be so careful picking one out for

you.

Right, Mrs. Campbell?

Certainly, I'm right.

Stephanie, if you want to play baseball,
practice until you're better than the

boys. Then they'll have to let you play.

Yes, that's right.

Why can't a girl play anything the boys
can play?

You know, the Little League tryouts are
coming up, and I'm going to be there.

Oh, well, I think you ought to forget
about Little League, you know.

Too good for girls.

Tell you what, though. Come on, let's
you and me go out in the backyard and we

can play, huh?

Come on, let's go.

Hey, we don't need the school team. We
don't need the little league.

All we need is you and me and the bat
and the ball. Give me the bat and the

ball. Now, no out -of -the -park home
runs this time. Don't worry about

Mr. Camion. Keep the ball well away from
all them houses over there. I'm going

to hit it over in this direction.

Okay? Fade over there and get it.

This can't be right through our kitchen
window.

Playing ball again, Arch?

What are you thinking about, Barney? I
busted my own window over here.

Oh, yeah?

Well, try to explain that to Rusty over
here.