All language subtitles for archie_bunker_s_place_s03e11_the_photo_contest

Second most important thing I wanted to
tell you. The first most important thing

I wanted to tell you was that Amy said
that Thursday would be a good day to

it, and I said, no, Amy, remember we go
ice skating on Thursday?

So then Chris suggested, why don't we
have it on Wednesday? And I said,

Wednesday is perfectly fine with me. But
Heather said, no, she goes to see what

the Don is on Wednesday.

So we all decided we could have the
photo club meeting on Monday, okay?

And I said my Uncle Archie would be more
than glad to help us out.

What? I figured that would get your
attention.

But you don't have to do anything
anyway, so why not?

Hold it, hold it, hold it. How much is
this going to cost me? It's free. It's

part of the Astoria Girls Club.

And I ain't got to do nothing? Sure?

I'm positive.

Well, okay. If I don't have to do
nothing, then I guess it can't hurt me.

Thanks. Now can we go get my new camera?

Hold it. I thought you said it wasn't
going to cost me nothing.

The club won't. The camera will.

Oh, gee, come on. You know something?
You've got such a talent for bugging

people. You ought to go around door to
door selling religions.

I need a new camera. Please, please,
please, please.

Now, wait a minute. Let me tell you
something.

We already got a perfectly good camera
here in the house.

We do?

Yes, yes.

It's over there in the buffet someplace
there.

It used to belong to your rani. It used
to drag it around to all the family get

-togethers. Just to cut off all her
relations heads with us.

Yeah, that's it. That's it, huh?

Ain't that nice?

I don't know. My counter dianthus has to
be a 35 millimeter.

What does she know about a 35?

This is a 620.

Ain't that better?

Hey, this is your all -time all
-American camera.

But it's so old.

But listen, old is good, dear honey.

Come on.

This here camera is one of the finest
that Mr. Buster Brownie ever made.

Mr. Ruby, see?

You look in the little window there, you
take your shot, press the button here.

When you got your pictures took, then
you wind this back up here. You look in

here for the next shot.

Do you do that every time you take a
picture?

No.

I've only done that because there ain't
no film in it.

You understand?

You need a roll of film in there to hold
everything together.

So, you could go and buy yourself a roll
of film and then work on that.

I need a new camera.

Well, if you're going to demand a new
camera, I'll tell you what you're going

have to do.

You're going to have to save up all your
allowances and buy one.

I need it before I graduate high school.

Don't be smart.

All imported foreign cameras is very,
very dear.

Is the Jap still getting back at us?

Hey, but I'm not even asking for a new
catalog. I'm asking for a used one. See,

they're having a sale at Powell's. All
right, let me look at the sale. Let me

look at the sale. See what they got
here.

35 mm.

Oh, come on. Look at all the junk that's
on this thing here.

F -1 -4.

Single lenses, reflexes, yeah, electro,
sync, macro, folk, my God.

You'd have to go to college to learn how
to work that.

Can we get it?

I'll tell you what we'll do.

If you can find some scotch tape now,
see, if we can put that little one

together over there, if we can get a
nice little trade -in for this one, I'm

saying if I ain't promising nothing, in
fact, I can almost guarantee you no.

You're welcome.

Uh -oh, the big lady.

Hi, lover boy. How you doing?

Just a minute. Did you ever get me the
hubcap for that 57 Plymouth? No.

Then obviously our love was never meant
to be. You don't need a romance. Just

buy me a drink.

Oh, look at Betty the bag lady. Better
get lost, Betty, or I'll call the

Oh, can't you spare a sandwich for a
little old lady? I haven't had a bite in

two days.

Get out of here. I gave you a hamburger
yesterday.

You call that eating?

Oh, well, excuse you, me.

Hey, you better check in at McPhee's if
you don't like our cuisine.

Okay. Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey.

Give me back my pretzels there. I don't
need them. McPhee's only gives me beer.

Well, give me a drink. At least leave
the basket.

Come on, Betty.

Come on.

Hi, kid.

Hey, hi, Steffy.

Hey. Hey,

what you got there?

Boy, that's a real tip.

Yeah, pretty fancy.

Hey, kid, maybe you shouldn't be lugging
out all over town, you know? It didn't

come out of a crackerjack box.

I have a photo club meeting right after
school.

Hey, Steffy, you got the camera. Let's
take a group shot.

How about some group work around here?
Come on, this is a place of business. We

ain't got no time for this fooling
around taking pictures.

Business, business, that's what we're
here for.

Come on, Steffi. We've got time for a
quick one, huh?

Okay, now.

Everybody move a little bit more to the
right.

No, no. A little more to the left.

Hey, I'm getting seasick.

Okay. Everybody say cheese.

Cheese. Oh, look at this. Excuse me.
Look at this over here. One white for me

and they do whatever they want.

Don't do that. Don't be taking pictures
of me when I'm looking this way.

Come on, now. I can't even turn my back
a minute on you.

Don't do that no more. Sit down there.
Sit down and have your lunch.

Can I stop smiling now?

Oh, boy.

I wouldn't make a very good model, would
I?

Oh. Hey, I came in ten minutes before
that kid.

How come she got so first?

She's sorry because she's still growing,
you know, Mac?

Hold your horses there. I'll get your
food now.

Yeah, when you get it, you know what you
can do with it. Ah.

Don't do it.

Cut it out.

Oh, hi there, Mr. Brando. Hi. How you
doing?

Not coming out, is it, Arch? Oh, well,
I'll show you. There's a trick to that.

See, first you got to work it all the
way down to the bottom, see?

Then you got to put your hand right
there and squeeze it this way. All

guys.

You get it?

Yeah, it's coming out fine now, Mr.
Brando.

Don't take pictures of a mess like this
here.

Sit down here. Sit down at the table and
have your lunch.

Okay. I mean it.

Okay.

Can't make nothing work.

Oh, no, no. It's working fine now, Arch.

Oh, no, I didn't... I meant it.

These are really good, Amy. Did you
develop them yourself?

Are you kidding? My dad had them done in
a special lab.

Your dad is so cooperative.

Cooperative. He runs the whole show.

Oh, hi, Mr. Bloom. Hi, Steffi. Huh?

Oh, this is a great shot. Gravy camera,
Amy.

Come on.

Archie Bloom, a gent. Look at you in a
posy.

You know, you'd make them department
store dummies look good.

Would you just stay there a minute,
Arch?

Okay,

now check the light. Try and adjust your
f -stop.

Make sure the flash is on and focus.

Great shot. Great shot. Okay.

It's all right if I pass by here? Oh,
sure. Go right ahead. Mind if I sit in

chair? Yeah, sure. Sit down. Yeah. What
do you got here?

Photos. Of who?

As if I didn't know.

There he is.

Terrific, aren't they? Yeah, yeah.
Bloom, looking at these photos is sheer

torture. You know that?

There he is again.

This shows you that a thousand pictures
can be wiped one way. I won't mention

which. Oh, come on, mention it. Yeah,
all right.

That's me at work.

Oh, yeah? Come on, come on. This is your
father here in his office?

No, it's his boss's office.

He snuck in at lunch. Well, it will be
my office very shortly. Ah, yeah, yeah.

Oh, look at the Rolls Royce you're
sitting on there. Is that going to be

pretty soon?

No, it belongs to an Arab. Amy.

He was sitting on an iron throne?

Yeah, until he kicked him off.

Amy, we're losing the light, and I want
to catch that picture of me coming out

of 21.

21? You'd be barely welcome in Shapiro's
deli.

What the hell are you doing, Blue?

Tormenting your child, taking pictures
of you in all these phony places. What

are you talking about? It's for the
photo contest, the day in the life of a

Bye, Stephanie.

Bye, Amy.

The day in the life of a dad? You never
told me there were no contests.

It's because I didn't enter.

Why not?

Because she didn't have the right
subject.

Goodbye forever, huh, Bloom?

Well, I know I ain't exactly your dad,
but I'm something like that. What's the

matter? You ashamed of me?

You told me not to take any more
pictures of you. You said I got on your

Oh, well, I really didn't mean that. And
anyway, I mean, you can't help that,

see? I mean, you were always going to be
on some man's nerves because you were a

girl.

Maybe it's too late. I can't get the
pictures in by Friday.

Well, wait a minute. Maybe we can if we
get a move on. You just fire up the

camera and you leave it to me to get you
the pictures of me. Huh?

Yeah, well, hurry up, because Mrs. Camby
ain't going to be able to straighten

herself up again. Look at the way she's
standing.

That ain't the shots.

Take another one.

Go ahead.

Good, good.

Now, you entitled that one, Race
Relations in the Hall.

Stephanie, are you sure these are the
kind of shots you want?

Well, they're not really. Well, well,
certainly they are. Certainly they are

kind. I mean, how else are you going to
pose me typical?

You want to think typical? I should be
pouring you a glass of beer.

For breakfast?

Uh -huh.

Never, never, never, never.

Gonna be late for school. Yeah, you're
coming down to bar at noon, huh?

Yeah. Yeah, bring the camera.

Because I got some terrific shots all
lined up. Okay.

See you, Mrs. Cammie. Really terrific
shots lined up down there.

Okay, Archie.

Why are you doing this?

For the kid, for the contest.

You sure it's not a contest between you
and Bloom?

Bloom? Bloom is the freudest individual
out of my mind.

Did you mention the beer?

What the hell? It ain't too early.

Don't be always arguing with me, will
you? I'm your boss. Do what I tell you.

Get the equipment and bring it right
back in here.

You finished that, kid?

All right. Where's Veronica?

Busy. She ain't supposed to be busy when
I want her out here.

Now, you can eat that on your way to
school, you know. Put it in the bag.

Ice cream? Yeah, well, if you don't like
a bag, put it in your pocket. Jose,

come on, come on, come out of here. As
fast as I can? All right, put that right

down here now.

Give me that.

Don't hit me.

Would I hit you?

Put the pan down there and let's get
started, huh?

Now, get your camera ready there.

And you'll entitle this one, Harmony at
Wake.

I don't believe it.

Do you believe the immigration
inspectors?

Smile at the camera.

Okay. Shoot.

All right, I got it.

What? Get out of here.

You knew we was taking pictures here.

What do you want from me? What the
hell's the matter with your face?

I am chopping up onions. Can you wipe
that off? All right, I'll wipe it off.

but I got a better idea. Get over here.
Leave the tears on the face. What are

you talking about? Just leave the tears
on the face. What's the matter with you?

This is going to be a beautiful shot.
What are you going to do? Get ready to

shoot, kid. What?

This one, you call this one the
sympathetic boss, huh?

Shut up, huh?

You're weird. You know that you're
weird, aren't you?

Well, Mr. Bernard, we got one with a
minority and one with a woman. I'll lay

two to one. You're next.

Mr. Bernard!

Okay, yes, here. Over here. Okay. Now,
how does this look, huh?

I don't know.

to you, Mr. Ben. I'm talking to a kid
here. We're trying to get some

heartwarming photography.

Okay, now give me a minute.

What are you going to do? Raise the
prices again?

Yeah, as soon as you pay your tax.

Now, I'll be reading this to Mr. Ben.
You call this helping a misfortunate

customer.

I appreciate that, but I know the menu
by heart.

I know, Mr. Ben. Can you smile with me?

Terrific, but it's over here.

Okay, sure.

Just one or two more.

Oh, look at Betty. How are you, dear?

What do you want, Funker? Listen, I just
want you to take one little picture

with me. That's all.

Nothing for nothing. Oh, no, nothing for
nothing. What are you talking? Here's a

whole dollar. Oh, that's nice.

How about throwing in a sandwich, too?

Yeah, I'll get you a sandwich, sure.

Excuse me, Barney, huh?

That's my sandwich.

Take a dime off his tab, will you?

Okay, open the bag.

There's your sandwich. All right. Now,
smile.

Now, you call this one kindness to the
poor. Go ahead.

That's it.

Okay, Betty.

Go on, get going or I'll have to call
the police on you here.

This is going to be a beautiful shot.
This one's going to be a win.

One minute, Betty. One minute. Turn
back. We'll get one more with Betty

Smile again, dear. Okay.

You call this one farewell to the pool.

Okay. Get going. Get going, buddy.

That's the girl. Give my regards to all
the gang at the ball door.

This is going to be one hell of an
exhibition.

These are very nice girls. All they need
is trimming. Okay.

Are they ready yet? I think so.

Jessie, this is a good roll.

Some of these shots are terrific.

Thanks, Diane.

And these...

My Uncle Archie thought them up. They're
so natural.

They are? I think some of them could be
winners.

They could?

Definitely. Look at this one.

What's wrong?

I don't think I can enter this in the
contest.

Why not?

I don't think my Uncle Archie would like
it. I was only testing out my camera

when I took this. Stephanie, these are
wonderful.

They're so real.

I don't know.

He'll love them. It'll be a nice
surprise.

Uncle Archie doesn't like surprises.

Listen, there are 25 girls in the
competition, and if you want a winning

you've got to show your best work.

Now you tell me, which are the better
shot?

Those or these posed ones here?

I hate those posed pictures. He made me
take them. Well?

Okay. Then we'd better get to work. We
don't have much time to mount them all

before tomorrow.

Which way is this going? The other way.

Look at the time.

Yeah, look at the time here. We're
getting late.

It's getting her down.

Stephanie!

Come on, kid. What are you doing up
there?

My stomach feels funny.

Oh, come on, come on, come on. Don't be
faking here. Come on.

Hey, feel her head.

You don't have a temperature.

No, come on, come on.

You just got some butterflies running
around in there, that's all.

Well, maybe this is contagious.

Maybe we should all just stay.

Don't get me, Dad. Listen, I went
through a lot of trouble getting all

people down the saloon to come and see
your show.

Well, maybe they won't show up either.

Maybe they all got sick, like me. That's
cold, that's cold, that's cold. A

novice, that's all, eh?

Hey, everybody gets a little novice when
they know they're going to have to

exhibit themselves.

All right, eh?

Yeah, okay.

Now, lock all the doors. Oh, it's me.

And I'm telling you, Miss Peachon, it is
amazing just how much I learned about

the right exposure and composition for
some of these shots.

That's fascinating.

Isn't this nice the way they do this in
here?

Hello, Mr. Bunker. Oh, hello. How are
you? How are you? Oh, this is our

housekeeper, Mrs. Camby. This is Miss
Peachon.

Peachon. You're right. Diane.

Hi,

Stephanie. Why is she hanging back like
this?

She's a little nervous.

Why? She did a fine job.

And you turned out to be a wonderful
subject, Mr. Bunker. Oh, gee, thank you

very much. Well, my late wife, Lord
Vestasauce, used to say I was very

photogenetic. And your wife was right.

Where do you see these shots, Arch?
Thank you, Bloom.

Listen, I want to tell you, it's all in
the way you pose the pictures, see? So

that the subject can bring out the inner
selfishness.

So where am I? Over there, where all
those people are. Oh, look at this. Our

exhibition's drawing the biggest crowds.

Come on, let's take a look. Hey, could
you let me throw that? Because I happen

to be the person that's in the
photographs here tonight.

Wait, wait, wait.

Something's wrong. These ain't the
pictures that ought to be up here.

Huh? These ain't the right pictures
here.

All right, this one's the best.

Do you know me?

No. Never talk to strangers. Get out of
here.

So you're making a scene.

The scene, the scene is up here. This is
a scene of disaster.

You don't always have to keep looking at
it, do you, Zia?

How can you humiliate me that way, huh?

Well, here we are, Mr. Vannar.

Where? At the photo show.

Oh, yeah, I didn't want to miss it.

Hey, here's Stephanie's stuff over here.
Come on, let's get over here. Wait a

minute, wait a minute, Barney. Wait a
minute, Barney. You don't want to see

of this here because, I mean, this ain't
me, you know.

On the contrary, Arch.

I'd say that was a definite aspect of
you.

Archie, these pictures are wonderful.

What are you talking about? They make me
look like a jerk.

It's true.

You got guts.

What do you mean by that?

Well, listen, you know, a lot of parents
wouldn't let their kids show pictures

of them like this. Well, that is very
true.

May I have everyone's attention, please?

I'd like to thank everyone for making
this such a success and to commend the

efforts of all our girls.

Now, to announce our winners, I'd like
to introduce our contest judge, Warren

Silver, photo editor of the Queen's
Shopping News.

The moment that you thought, you let my
foot bloom.

Thank you, Diane.

I won't prolong the suspense.

Third place goes to Fern Walsh.

Is your uncle really mad?

Let me just put it this way.

Can I stay over your house till I'm 18?

Second prize goes to Jeannie Borelli.

And now the big moment for her. For her
style, humor, and exceptional sense of

character, I'm proud to present the
grand award to Stephanie Mills.

We're all proud of you, honey.

I'm sorry I embarrassed you, Uncle
Archie.

Oh, that's okay. We just won't put them
pictures in the family album, you know,

so that people will have to look at them
after I'm gone.

You think maybe we can take them off of
the wall now?

Ladies and gentlemen, I have an
important announcement to make.

As photo editor of the Queen Shopping
News, I've arranged to have Miss Mills'

winning photos published in a special
edition in our very next issue.

If you see me like that over there...

How can you say you love me?

Because I see you that way, that I love
you.