Original subtitles

God, he writes so small.

Seven, eight, nine scotches. So that's nine bottles of scotch plus two

cases with 12 bottles. He says, all right, it's 24 bottles.

Plus the nine.

And I guess, let me see, 24 and... Mr.

Bunker.

I'm 20 minutes trying to work this thing out and now you put it right out of my

head again.

What do you want? Mr. Bunker.

Hace mucho tiempo que yo trabajo aquí.

Trabajo bien. Trabajo duro y quiero más dinero.

We both don't want you to come in here. You ain't going to get it any faster

talking in Spanish than in English. So let's talk English. What do you want?

Money.

We can't afford it.

How much?

One dollar.

We can't afford it.

Fifty cents.

We can't afford it. How much?

Fifty cents. That's my bottom line.

Fifty cents.

You got it. Gracias.

Fifty cents an hour.

That's $4 a day. That's $20 a week.

That's $1 ,040 a year.

$1 ,040 a year extra? You ain't gonna get that.

That's what you said. We should have that. No, no, you ain't gonna get that.

Another $1 ,040 a year for kitchen help.

Down in Puerto Rico, they don't even give that to the government.

Good morning, Harry. Good morning,

Uncle Larry. Good morning.

How about a kiss for your uncle, huh? No, not today.

Why not?

I forgot to brush my teeth.

Oh, well, how about a big hug?

You got it.

Where's Uncle Larson?

He's in the office.

How are you? I'm here.

Why aren't you in school?

I need to ask if I could drop these glasses off on the way. Oh, jeez, I'm

without these. Where'd you find them?

Well, you do all your reading.

You... You... You... You went to school.

You forgot something.

What? My kiss.

You forgot to brush your teeth, too.

Well, like people always say.

As you get older, the first thing to go is your memory.

How are they?

Come on, you guys.

Will one of you give me a hand in here?

Do I got to do everything myself?

Odds. Evens.

in the town?

Looking for Barney.

What do you want with him? The only thing any woman would want from Barney,

alimony.

He just came from the house. Why isn't he there?

Because he went to Great South Bay on a hunting trip.

On my alimony?

Harry, he wants you to take the empties out in the alley.

Oh, yeah. Okay.

We're not really open, miss, but can I get you something anyway?

I was just looking for somebody.

Aren't we all?

Never saw you around here before.

Well, I never saw you around here either. I've been out of town.

I'm glad you're back.

Do you work here?

I'm Archie's partner.

You poor man.

Are you an early drinker?

If there's a reason.

Something light, perhaps?

Very light. When I drink, I lose my inhibition.

Well, may I suggest the double vodka and orange juice?

You need a screwdriver?

I was afraid to say that.

Then join me and lose your inhibition.

My name's Murray Klein.

Mine's Blanche Hefner.

Nice to meet you, Blanche.

My pleasure.

We'll see.

I mean, I hope so.

Hefner, Hefner.

You were related to Barney?

I used to be his wife.

Is that Blanche Hefner over there?

Yeah, I'm back in town.

Why, is the fleet in?

God, what a low -class thing to do.

Listen, Archie, will you mind your manners, please?

This is the customer here, the lovely lady.

Lady, all I see over there is Barney's ex.

I'll come back when Fatso's off duty, huh?

Blanche, I insist that you stay and finish your drink.

Thank you.

Where are you going now?

You mind if I powder my nose?

No, no, no. Powder your nose.

And anything else that's shiny would wear.

You are crude.

You are gross. You know, that's a very attractive woman.

Well, did I ever say she wasn't?

Jeez.

Why did Barney let her get away?

He left the door unlocked.

She is a lympho.

Ain't you ever heard of that?

How would you know?

Blanche was late for her wedding with Barney because the best man

didn't wake her up in time.

I don't like listening to gossip. I always take people for what they are.

And to me, she seems like quite a gal.

I'm only trying to tell you she's a sex maniac.

A woman has to be a maniac?

Talk about gross.

Hey, fellas, you're back.

And look what I brought home.

I'll give these here to Veronica. She can fix them up for us.

Now, wait a minute. They're not for you.

I just wanted Jose to clean them and dress them for Dottie. Oh, his darling

Dottie. How do you hide us in there?

Who do you shoot ducks nowadays?

Through the head, if you're good.

Did I hear somebody call my name?

Don't yell, will you? Your grace goes through my head like a nail.

Everything goes through your head.

Because there ain't much there to stop it.

Here's some ducks for you.

Hey, Veronica, you think you can get Jose to dress those for me?

Uh, Jose?

¿Puede preparar estos, uh, uh... ...carabonis?

Primero me dices que pegue las papas. Entonces, cebollas. Estoy trabajando

un caballo aquí. Y ahora patos, ¿eh? Necesita patos de estos...

He said, yeah.

I thought I heard him say Castro was coming.

Now, listen, Barney.

Guess who's here looking for you in the ladies' room?

Well, anybody that's looking for me in the ladies' room isn't going to find me.

like Jerry Lewis.

Just guess who.

Is Stoddy back?

No, no. Think of somebody that you don't want to see.

Blanche? She says she's here to collect the alimony you owe her.

Oh, he owes her alimony, huh?

That woman is going to bleed me dry.

Well, how much did you have to pay her since the divorce?

Nothing.

I owe her for three months.

Maybe she'll settle for a couple of them ducks.

I'd better hide.

Forget she saw me.

Yeah, that's always easy to do, Barney.

Well, looks like he finally got Blanche out of his system.

I think he made a big mistake.

No, I didn't. One Donnie is worth a hundred Blanches.

Well, he's a dope, but he's right there.

I still think Blanche is a very attractive woman.

Well, I guess I'll be running along.

Oh, why?

Unless there's anything further to talk about.

Well, nobody wants to talk to you, Blanche.

Oh, shut up, will you?

I enjoy talking to Blanche.

Likewise.

Oh,

uh, Mr. Klein.

Murray. Murray.

When Barney comes back, would you tell him where I'm staying?

Certainly.

Where do you think?

At the Ramada Inn, where I'll be dining alone tonight.

Why dine alone?

Can't think of a reason in the world.

I'll help you get a cab.

I've got a car.

I'll see you to your car.

Geez, ain't that awful.

No.

It's good for Bonnie.

What are you talking about?

I hope

you've

seen everything going on out here.

Yeah, I've seen and I've heard.

Murray clicked with Blaine.

I know.

What's more important, Blanche clicked with Murray.

I know.

If Murray keeps her happy, maybe she'll forget about the alimony.

Yeah, well, at least for a while.

Wouldn't that be great?

No.

Are you still in love with Blanche? No.

Well, and if Murray takes Blanche out of your hair, won't that be good?

No.

No?

No. And I ain't gonna stand for it.

How long has he been gone?

He left here about 7 o 'clock last night to meet Blanche. We haven't seen or

heard of him since.

Yeah, well, what I'm worried about is poor Barney. He's very upset.

Well, he's a nut.

All nuts are very upset.

But Barney's feeling is very normal.

I remember when I threw over Frankie Lestronzo.

He'd done a lot of things to make me change my feelings, like firing shots at

underwear on a clothesline.

And I thought that Frankie meant nothing to me no more, until I seen him one

night in the booth next to me at Carmine's Lido with another woman,

with Siciliana.

But that made you sore?

First, it only made me hungry.

Me? You know, I was doing my own thing.

Why should I care, huh?

But you did care.

Yeah, I cared.

First I was mad.

Then I was hurt.

Then tears come to my eyes. So I couldn't see what was on the plate in

me.

Cutlets, you said.

Frankie had the cutlets. I ordered scogigli marinara.

All I could see in front of me was Frankie.

And he was sitting behind me. The guy who I was with had become a total

stranger.

And I'll bet he was nicer than Frankie.

Everybody was nicer than Frankie.

And you call that behaving normal?

Yeah. Take the case of my girlfriend, Aurora Finsterglass.

Now, she...

He's one loony case is enough.

That's right, Arch.

Jealousy may be stupid, but it's normal.

What do you mean? Even when you're happy with somebody else?

Happiness with your new love is always a little tarnished. If your old love is

happy, too.

I get it. If Barney could see Blanche unhappy, that'd make him happy again.

I wonder if Blanche could help with that.

Come on. The only way you'd get Blanche to be unhappy, is if you wipe out the

male population of Greater New York.

Hello, everybody.

Hello. You miss me?

Look what the cat drug in.

Is that a shot?

No, Blanche. I ain't got time to bandage boys with you.

Archie was worried. He called the Ramada in.

Yeah, and they said you just wasn't there.

That's what they're supposed to say, dummy.

That's right. You see, we drove out to Long Island, and we went, where was

past the Hamptons, like somewhere like that? Uh, doing what, as if I didn't

know.

And we had a little lunch, I think, and some dinner.

Well, now I gotta drive back to Jersey.

Oh, wait, is Murray gone with you? No.

We both need a change.

We've got to get into the office and finish a little work there. Before you

Murray, can I use the office for a minute? I'd like to have a word with

if I may.

Please, please, be my guest.

Oh, Mr.

Van Rensselaer, you always were a devil.

I bet you've got some more naughty limericks to tell me.

I believe I do, and even more.

You.

I'll bust you right in the nose, even if you are an ex -fighter. Why? Just

because I took off a little time?

You shouldn't have went nowhere with Blanche.

Two of you's got Barney's heart busted.

Oh, come on. She's through with him, he's through with her.

Ah, don't you understand nothing? See, this is a very normal thing.

And Barney can't stand seeing Blanche have no fun.

And neither can I, if it comes to that.

She's free. She's supposed to have fun.

I understand. Listen, there's an old saying.

A new love can't be varnished by happiness.

Because happiness ain't a varnish.

Happiness is... Just a thing called Joe.

Yeah, something like that.

Uh -oh.

Fuku just come in.

Should I talk to him?

Not you, me.

Hey, Barney, I stayed late just to cheer you up. Wasn't that terrific of me?

Yeah, you're okay, Veronica.

But I won't be seeing you after tonight.

I'm not coming in this joint anymore.

Hey, Harry, where's my tab?

$39 .90. You want to pay it?

No. I want to make a note of it.

I know just what you're going through, Barney, but you ought to be thinking of

that nice new lady you got.

Barney. Huh?

Blanche wants to talk to you.

Where is she? She's in the office.

Won't take long.

She has to leave in a minute.

Go ahead.

Okay. Thanks, Mr. Bernard.

What's going on, Mr. Bernard?

If Blanche understands what I just told her to do...

Our problem with Barney might be solved.

Oh, just one final word.

You guys won't be seeing me after tonight.

Oh, God.

Oh, Archie, I'm so sorry. I didn't realize I was going to cost you a

Well, you did. And you just cost the two of us $39 .90.

What do you want, Blanche?

Barney, I am an unhappy woman.

Huh?

I said I'm unhappy.

You'll get your alimony.

What kind of a life do you think I have?

A new man every week.

The exterminator.

The TV repairman, the awning man, the exterminator.

You already mentioned the exterminator.

He had a helper.

And then Murray?

Wasn't he up to your standards?

Never mind what he was up to, Barney.

You don't know how lucky you are. You have a girlfriend that loves you.

I've heard all about you and Dottie Nertz. That's words.

Nertz, words.

It's somebody. I have nobody.

Nobody? I thought you had everybody.

Who's everybody?

A few ships that crash in the night.

I never had a lasting relationship.

There was me.

Husbands don't count.

Look, Blanche, somewhere along the line, there must have been one guy that made

you happy. Huh? The TV repair guy? The exterminators?

They all got me down.

I know they do.

Barney, I'm miserable.

You're not crying.

I'm crying on the inside.

Gee, Blanche, I always thought that you were... Yeah, you thought I was happy.

Everybody thought I was happy.

I've got to head on home.

I'll go with you. I'll help you cross the street.

What a kind offer.

Thank you, my dear.

Nice bunking in here, Blanche.

And you think that's a swell lady, huh?

Oh, she's nice enough to see a man rancidly across the street.

Grow up.

She ain't helping him across the street. He lives around a corner.

your account here. Where did you get that idea?

Drinks for everybody.

Hold it, hold it. Hold it, what are you doing? What's the matter? Can't a fella

feel good if he wants to?

Well, that good you can only feel for cash, no tell.

And by the way, what about poor Murray here? You still sore as him?

Why should I be sore as him?

Hey, Murray, Murray, I just want to tell you that you and Blanche make a swell

couple. You really look nice together.

I'm glad.

His drink's on me.

Oh, jeez, I don't know where this drink is from. I don't

know, only the wrong aisle sitting there.