Original subtitles

You look at this. Harry, where the hell are you? In here, Arch.

The sign ain't supposed to be laying on a pinball table. It's supposed to be

hanging in the window there. Now, what are you doing here? Who's watching the

store? Anybody can walk in the front door, go out with a case or two of

Get in here, will you?

Stop this, will you?

If anybody was to see us, they'd think we were on a honeymoon.

Where is our scandal who'll be in contract?

Did he show up or is he drunk again?

Yes.

What do you mean, yes?

He showed up and he's drunk again.

In the kitchen.

You know, if we don't get finished Saturday night, we ain't gonna be able

throw that large dinner here. We're gonna be in big trouble.

Archie, we're already in big trouble. You know, the bar's been closed for a

week. Nothing's coming in. Everything's going out. I figure we're in the hole

for about 12 ,000 bucks besides what we gave that contractor.

Why did we have to hire a booze hound?

Hello, Mr.

Bunker. How the hell are you that?

Sorry, Mr.

Bunker. I just had breakfast.

What the hell did you have? Bourbon and eggs?

No.

Cornflakes and aquavit.

Listen, Swenson.

Three weeks ago, you and your crew promised to have this job done in two

Mr. Bunker, what can I do?

My plasterer run off to play soccer.

My floor is recovering from stab wound.

My install's toilets got molested.

But where the hell does that leave us?

I just hired a new crew, and you're damn lucky to get them.

We're going broke here and you're telling me I'm lucky?

You bet.

And you'd be even luckier if either one of you speak Spanish.

Why? They're Cubans.

Well, ship them back to Miami and get us some Americans, huh?

Don't worry. It just so happens that I speak a little Cuban -ish.

Wait a minute. Wait a minute there, Swenson.

Who's going to install these toilets here?

I'm doing the best I can. If you'd stop making changes... Hold it, hold it. I

ain't made no changes since the job began. Did you make any changes here?

minute, Arch. Now, look, Arch, I thought instead of a single swinging door into

the kitchen, we should have double doors, which means when somebody goes

the kitchen, they won't bump into somebody coming out.

Murray, we're only going to have one waiter. What's he going to do, bump into

himself?

He bumps into the cook coming out. The cook ain't never coming out.

The cook is supposed to stay in the kitchen at all times, ain't he?

Only if he's hiding from immigration.

All I'm trying to say is that between the cook and the waiter, they can have a

pass wait, you know? Coming through.

Now, switch.

Oh, where the hell did this guy go?

Maybe he needs a little more breakfast.

After standing alongside of this guy, I'm getting a little hangover.

Don't forget, you hired him.

Remember, I wanted to hire the Blumenthal brothers.

Murray, I told you before, Jewish guys are okay for doctors and lawyers, but

wankers.

It's true, you hand a Jew a hammer, he locks you off the building.

Don't start that stuff with me again. No, that's Barney. Don't tell him I'm

here, Murray. Don't tell him. Tell him I left, will you?

Hiya,

Murray. What do you say, Barney?

Hey, what's going on here?

What do you mean?

Well, you guys ain't gonna be ready for the large banquet on Saturday night. Oh,

get out. Where is Arch? He just stepped out for a while.

You making any progress in the kitchen? Take a look.

And why are you hiding behind the door?

Why didn't you holler, coming through?

Why should I holler, coming through?

Because coming through is the password for all swinging doors.

Stupid, couldn't you tell it?

He thought coming through was only for the cook and the waiter.

Barney, we're very busy here, you know.

Yeah, I can see that.

But perhaps you could pause long enough to give me back the $1 ,000 advance from

the lodge.

What for?

Because we're having the installation of offices at another venue.

Look, I went out on a limb for you. The other brothers didn't want to come here,

but I, as president, insisted.

Oh, come on now, Barney. Yeah, well, I'm going to look up other banquet

facilities at the Holiday Inn. Oh, and by the way...

One of you guys can be writing out a check for $1 ,000.

You got the checkbook, Arch? Why, no, Murray. I thought I'd hand it down over

you. No, I gave it to you. Well, then it must be around here somewhere.

Hold it, hold it, hold it. Don't bother to conduct a search.

I'd just as soon have the cash.

All right, Barney, do you want the truth?

I'd rather have the cash.

Well, there ain't no cash.

Your $1 ,000 is spent.

Do you know that that could mean expulsion from the lodge?

I don't give a damn.

Are you ready to give up your social privileges, your Hudson River cruise,

credit union, and best of all, your burial insurance that includes a casket

eight pallbearers? I don't need their pallbearers, do I?

You'd find a lot of guys would be happy to bury you.

Well, as long as you're still alive, we're going to sue you.

Hey, Bond, let me tell you something.

You're a lousy Democrat and a fink.

And as long as I'm alive, I'll never be buried in the same cemetery with you.

I don't want to be buried anyway. I hate the ground.

Me too.

Cremation is more fun.

No finks.

Cremation is burning.

Hey.

I've written a national inquiry.

I can have myself frozen for about a hundred years.

That's a good time to thaw you out.

Republicans might be in by then.

Right on time, just like I promised.

I want you to meet the new man.

Come on now, Swanson. I mean, what do I got to meet him for? I ain't going to

dance with him. I just want to get some work out of him.

Archie, let me handle this. Make yourself comfortable.

Señores, bienvenidos.

Con mucho gusto.

Me llamo Muriel Kleiner.

Muriel Kleiner.

This is Manuel Morales and... Jesus.

What kind of a name is Jesus?

It's Spanish for Jesus.

Oh, well, I ain't gonna call no Cuban Jesus.

I'll call him Joe.

Manny Mongeau.

Here is the plan.

All right.

Venise, hombre.

Archie, I think we got a little trouble with the kitchen. Remember where the old

freezer was? Yeah. Well, the new one's bigger than the old one, which means

you open the door, you can't turn the gas on. Hi.

Oh, hi. What?

Should you guys be doing this out here?

You want something?

I was just checking out the new restaurant.

Well, what do you think of it?

I think it's a funny place to put the john.

Go to school!

I think we can relax now. There's no reason why we shouldn't get this place

finished by Friday night. We got a new crew there. They're working hard. You

look at the new crew. They just got here and they're sitting down to lunch. Do

something, will you?

Ah,

why?

Lunch is in 20 minutes. This is just a coffee break.

Oh, Murray, get out of here. Let me take over here.

All right, now, hey, hey, hey.

No coffee break -o before work -o, mochacho.

Come on, wrap it all up here. Swenson, Swenson, get out here, Swenson.

Come here. Will you start these guys to work?

I meant to talk to you about that.

They won't go to work unless they get paid in advance.

Well, pay them.

I pay them as soon as I get the money from you. Did you hear this? Wait a

minute. Just a minute.

What about the $17 ,000?

You certainly can pay them out of that.

We had a few cost overruns. I show you the invoices.

We ain't interested in seeing no invoices, Swenson.

We just want to see some white done.

I need another $2 ,500.

We don't have $2 ,500.

We ain't got nothing.

We are broke.

Broke? Broke.

Broke is a

well -known word in Cuba.

Wait a minute. Get the hell back in here, Jesus.

Adios, gordo.

What did he just say?

So long, Franco.

Look at the Swedish meatball here. Where are you going, Swenson?

I feel a little thirst coming on.

I'm going around the corner for a drink.

The ship is sinking, Murray.

Wait a minute now. Where can we find you?

If I'm not in my office, you can call me at McPhee's Topless.

As soon as you get the extra $2 ,500 I need, the work can start again.

Well, we're sitting in the right place, partner.

Thanks very much.

Terrific. Ah, great.

Okay, now, everybody, stop talking. I suppose you're all wondering why I

gathered you together here.

No, we're not wondering. We know.

You just know?

Yeah. You need money.

Well, don't look at me, Arch.

Don't look at me either.

Is he looking at me?

No.

He's looking at me. But it ain't gonna do him no good.

Harry, you can lend us the $2 ,500.

I haven't got it. What do you mean you haven't got it? I bought you out for $24

,000 in cash.

That money's in the Bowery Savings and Loan.

Can't you take a little of it out of there?

Not without suffering a substantial penalty for early withdrawal.

I told you that this wasn't gonna work with these guys.

You said they was friends of mine?

Get out of here, friends.

I mean, one of them's got some money, and not one of them would turn loose of

any of us.

Not even to help an old pal out of the jam.

Get out of there.

Dead beats all of them.

Well, I don't mean you, Mr. Baird -Menselier. I know you drank up all your

years ago.

But the rest of it... Friends? No, no. No, no, no.

That's over.

Over. And I mean all over. All over.

Wait a minute.

What are you going to do? I don't know, Murray. I'll go out and make some phone

calls. If they don't pan out first thing tomorrow morning, I'm going to go to

the only guy I know who can give me $2 ,500 fast.

Oh, no. Oh, yes. Oh, Arch knows.

You mean this guy?

No. That guy was praising by his girlfriend.

I mean, this other guy.

I'll be back.

And when I get back here tomorrow,

I don't expect to see none of yous here.

In fact, I don't want to see none of yous, never no more.

My heart is broke with yous.

Well, are you just going to sit there, or are we going to do something about

this?

That wall looks slanted. I know.

This used to be a Chinese restaurant.

Hey,

Hank.

Hank, come on, put up this picture, will you? Oh, sure.

Here's the hammer. Okay. I've got a nail.

Hey, Murray.

You? Give me a hand with this, will you? Right.

Okay. One, two, three.

was crooked, but I straightened it out.

Why?

What's the matter? It's the leaning tower of Pisa. See? It leans like that?

Yeah. At least to the architect.

I'm worried.

Yeah.

Oh, Mr.

Van Rensselaer.

You've run out of water. You seem to be pacing the window.

Oh, why didn't you tell me?

I don't do windows.

is going to be all right.

Yeah, well, it's just that I'm a little nervous. It's the first time I ever had

a company want to use guys.

Well, what's to be nervous about?

Look, Archie, I'm just like your local bank.

Except with me, you got the president, the teller, and the bank guard.

All rolled into one.

Lou, I just want to talk to the president.

Well,

you got me, Arch.

Lou, you got to help me. I got a sudden...

call for money, you know.

I've been to the banks, finance companies. I even got so desperate I

wife's relatives over in Jersey, so now you're the bottom of the barrel.

You're my last hope.

Well, that's why I'm here.

Now, how much you want to borrow?

Well, see, you've been in our bar. Well, my partner and me, we want to bust into

the restaurant next door. Look, look, Arch, I'm not interested in all that.

I want to know is how much do you need and who's your next of kin?

We figured that on a, what do you call it, estimate there, something, well, say

a figure in the net, we've got to have $2 ,500.

I think I can scrape it up, boss.

Let's see.

$1 ,000.

$2 ,000.

And one, two, three, four, five.

There you go, $2 ,500.

Oh, excuse me.

What?

What is that, Ralph?

What are you talking about?

Well, the guy said he would have the money yesterday.

Now, look, if he doesn't come up with it by 3 .30 this afternoon, you tell him

we're going to be very, very unhappy.

That's right.

No, no, no, no. Don't do anything physical.

Just call up the florist and have them send a wreath to his house.

Just as a little reminder.

Okay, Ralph.

Excuse the interruption, Arch. Now, where were we?

Well, I was going to borrow you some money, but maybe I just thought I'd buy

few groceries for you.

It's okay.

Look, let me just tell you the terms.

Now, do you realize we got no balloon payments?

And there's none of those hidden costs.

We just charge a straight 20%. Oh, hey.

The banks are charging almost 13 now, and they said that ain't so bad, 20 % a

year. That's 20 % a week.

need to go for a couple of weeks. But, Louie, I ain't got no collateral.

Of course you've got collateral, Arch.

I have?

Sure. Your legs.

Your legs.

You see, until you pay us back the money, Archie, we own your legs.

I mean, what do you mean? Who, uh... Who, who done all of this? Well, let's

the good fairies did it, huh?

Oh, come on, come on, come on, Murray. Come on, tell me, tell me, who was the

good fairies?

Where's the good fairies?

Murray's a fairy godmother.

Archie, Archie, I want you to meet your friends. These are your true friends.

Are you telling me?

That these crumbs done all of this for us? And they worked all night.

Oh, well, I don't know what the hell to say.

Well, you spare he's done one hell of a job.

Yeah, we worked our wands off.

We wouldn't let you get down with me, Arch.

Listen, Arch, it's time to celebrate with a magnum of champagne.

Come on, Murray, don't be cheap. Open up a full course, huh?

I gotta apologize to you guys.

I want to shake your hands. Harry. Hey, Arch. Harry, Mr. Van Rensselaer there.

No, I'm over here, Mr. Van Rensselaer.

And Frank.

And Barney. I said terrible things to you guys.

You deserved it at the time.

But you know, my motto is, hey, forgive and forget.

And I want to tell you, this is the happiest day... Oh, my God.

Wait a minute.

Oh, my God.

Oh.

You got the money?

Yeah, I got it.

Well, give it back. I can't. What do you mean you can't? Why not? I went

straight from Louis to Lone Shark over to McPhee and his topless. I found

Swenson there. I tanked over the whole $2 ,500.

Oh, watch.

We'll never see that again.

I could cry.

You, me too.

You know... But, you know, I could almost laugh.

What's so funny?

Over there at McPhee's, there's eight topless girls.

But I was the biggest boob of all.