Original subtitles

Why did you cut me off?

That party had me on hold.

Oh.

I'm telling you, Archie don't know what he's letting himself in for.

Does he ever?

He's gonna go broke, but he ain't taking me with him. What would you do if he

goes through with it, Harry?

Who knows?

Maybe retire.

Harry, I got a dime. The operator wants another dime. I ran out.

Right with you, Mr. Klein.

Here's a man who wants to take this whole thing off my hands.

Like I said to my lawyer, Levy the hold.

When your partner wants to go off the deep end, there's no living with him.

if you go along with him, there's no living with yourself.

Harry, Harry, come on. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Make sure you talk only to Levy, Mr. Klein. He knows all the ins and outs.

Well, I had him on the phone, but he put me on hold.

That's why they call him Levy the hold.

Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, great news, great news.

I just come from talking to Swenson, the contractor.

The Norwegian?

Yeah, boozer, I know, but what the hell, the more he drinks, the lower his

estimates.

Now, look at old Pepperface here.

Hey, he's going to give his bargain rates on all the work we're going to

done here, you know?

I told him how we're going to break through that wall into the restaurant

door.

No, Mr. Van Venselier, that wall over there.

And how we're going to cut a family entrance down there, you know, so the

innocent women and children don't have to be exposed to the flonsome and

johnsome at the bar.

I keep telling you, if you go through with this, I'm out. What are you talking

about? Harry, it's going to be terrific. I got to go get our papers and

appointments. What? Oh, there you are.

Listen, leave me, I'll tell you what. You get the things together and I'll be

right over.

Okay with you?

Good, thank you. Bye -bye.

Yes, Alfred, I completed my call.

Yes, I got my dime back, thank you very much.

What?

Oh, no, I'm sorry.

I can't return it.

Tell you what, if you give me your name and your address, I'll be happy to mail

it to you.

Me too.

I'd like to shake your hand, sir.

Anybody that can give the sheriff to the phone company is my kind of guy.

Clyde. Murray Clyde.

I've seen you around, but we've never met.

Murray's an old neighborhood boy. I knew your father and your grandfather.

That's right.

Barney Hefner's the name.

Oh, you any relation to Hugh Hefner?

No, but we share some of the same interests.

What do you do, Mr. Clyde? Well, I've been in nearly everything.

I've been in car rentals. I've been in insurance.

I've been in restaurant supply, and now I'm going to be in the john.

Not bad. He left me a buck tip.

Listen.

Big deal.

How come you never leave me nothing?

Mr. Van Rensselaer, how much is a buck worth today?

About a dime.

Oh, okay.

Here's your buck tip.

My drink's on the tap. Will you hurry? I'm running a little late.

I'm sorry, dogs.

You run into a person, don't you know that you could raise a groat there?

I told you I was sorry, didn't I?

Where did I hurt you there? Don't, don't touch it. You could raise all over

pantusions or something.

There's where you touch me.

Will you get out of the way? I'm in a hurry. Oh, he's in a hurry. Hey, three

drinks for everybody.

Well, I got a little time.

deal. Free drinks for everybody. We only got two customers.

That's the best time to holler free drinks for everybody.

Arch, last time you bought me a drink was when Nixon got elected. What? I

like to buy free drinks on happy occasions like that. My God, is he

again?

Ah, never no more.

Well, hey, we all timed on the poor man.

You're out of paper towels.

Hey, watch what you're doing, buddy, huh? You're dripping all over the joint.

Well, what am I supposed to do?

Well, when you can plainly see there ain't no more paper towels, don't wash.

There isn't any toilet paper either.

Run over to C. Levy. Thanks for putting me on to this. Hey, don't run off, Mr.

Klein. Archie's offering a free drink.

Hey, hey, Harry, don't be yelling that to the world, will you? Free drinks is

for regulars.

You've seen me around here before, Archie.

Yeah, I know that, but, uh, I mean, you gotta admit that youse people, uh, youse

ain't famous for big spending over a bar.

Hell, he is all gone there.

What's the matter? Did I say something?

Oh, God, you can't open your mouth nowadays.

Listen, buddy, no intense offender there.

Wait a minute.

My intense is very offended.

Just what were you saying?

That Jews are cheap?

Hmm?

Well, let me put it this way.

Careful, Arch.

I can remember when Murray was in the Golden Gloves.

No kidding.

No kidding.

Did you win?

Oh, yeah, well, uh... What I mean is, uh... Hey, Scotchman's is much

worse.

Want a drink?

That's for you.

What was that?

Nothing, nothing. I'm looking at the wall here.

I think you can take them, Arch. All you need is a little road work.

Always the right ways at the right time.

Ah, come on, come on. Shut up and drink up there.

What are we drinking to, Arch?

We are drinking to that we just took an option on a restaurant premises next

door. We?

We. If we includes you and me, include me out. I don't want to own a

You ain't going to own a restaurant.

You're going to own half a restaurant.

I said no over and over, but you don't hear me. What do we know about running a

restaurant? What the hell is there to know?

You hire a cook for in there?

A wait -up around here, a Puerto Rican for all over, and a money -spot swimming

in.

Yeah, 80 % of restaurants die.

How come nothing's ever made it next door? The Kosherama Chinese Deli didn't

make it.

Flo's Falafel Food, Susie's Sashimi Shack didn't last a month.

That is because none of them people saved nothing unusual.

What food's unusual nowadays?

American.

What are you doing in here? Every time she comes in here, you say that. Why do

you always yell at her? I'm raising her. I'm supposed to show an interest.

Hello, Harry. Hello, Stephanie.

Auntie has told me to ask if I can have a pair of roller skates.

Sure you can.

What are you asking him for? I'd like to hear a yes from someone before I hear a

no from you.

Stop being so smart.

Maybe he wasn't going to hear no no from me.

Was I going to hear yes, yes?

Well, how are you going to know unless you ask me?

Well, all right. That was yesterday, so you missed it.

I put that tree.

Now, don't be a disgrace.

Now, get out of here. If you ain't out of here by the time I count to three...

What?

I'll hit you with a left hook and a right cross.

One, two, three, four. I passed three.

Hello, sweetheart.

See what kids pick up in school today?

You brighten it up everybody's day, Arch.

Yeah, especially mine.

Ah, come on. Come on, Harry. The rest of it is going to be beautiful.

I don't want to hear about it.

Well, you're going to hear about it. This ain't for you, Barney. Now, come

here. Come over here. Now, let me tell you something here in private. Now,

listen.

Listen to me.

I already signed the papers.

You already signed the papers? Yes.

Okay, Arch.

If that's the way it's going to be, I'm getting out.

I'm selling my half.

Wait a minute. Why are you selling your half? To who?

Well, not to you. You ain't got $25 ,000.

How the hell do you know that I ain't got $25 ,000?

You ain't supposed to hear this.

Is that why you're whispering?

Let me tell you something. I happen to be a very good standee with a certain

fine lady down at the bank. And what are you talking about, 25 ,000 bucks? You

only put in 20.

Well, I want five more.

What? 25 grand? That's not a question.

I'll tell you what. We'll split the difference.

24. Since when is 24?

The difference between 20 and 25.

Since I raised my price to 28.

Oh.

Oh, well.

Well, that's different.

Arch, you drive a hard bargain.

This guy thinks I'm some kind of a dope.

Yeah.

And because of the recent reappraisals of the said properties, we can consider

increasing the loans in question, but only at 75 % of the amounts applied for

and at a 1 .5 % additional interest.

Margaret Watson, Vice President, Loan Department, copies to Mr. Dineen and Mr.

Falk.

Thank you very much.

You know, there's nothing I enjoy more than listening to an intelligent woman

talk.

I mean, if I didn't know you, what do you call it?

I would think that you was Barbara Walters.

If you were sitting behind a curtain or something.

So, you're still there? Yes, I'm still the loan officer.

I hope you approve.

Oh, hey.

I love it. I love it. Hey, it's high time you people started getting inside

work.

Enough pleasantries, Mr. Bunker. What can I do for you?

Oh, well, first, let me spread out my documentaries in front of you here, see?

Now, I'm going to expand into the restaurant business.

I'm going to bust into the store next door, by which I mean the adjacent

I'm going to make a fortune.

Uh, do you mind if I smoke?

No.

You wouldn't have a cigar, would you?

I'm sorry.

And nothing by the other one?

Well,

uh, I need a loan.

See? but my partner's a problem.

He's scared to go along with me.

So you want to borrow the buying out money?

Yeah. Hey, like old J .P.

Rockefeller once said, when opportunity knocks, son, you better not be in the

camera.

I never heard that.

Well, only the Arabs ever listened to that old man.

I only need about $24 ,000.

Let's see.

In October of 1977, you borrowed $20 ,000 using your residence for

And now you owe us $19 ,724 .50.

Yeah, I've seen that. You know, good.

After paying off so much money over the last two years and still to hold out, I

can't quite grasp that.

Well, most of it has gone towards the interest.

That's robbery.

That's business.

You knocked on our door, Mr. Bunker, and we were not in the can.

Yeah, well, do we have to talk about that loan? Because, I mean, what I want

a new loan.

Fine. Have you any collateral?

My liquor license.

According to the Alcoholic Beverage Control Law, Section 114, Article 3.

No license shall be pledged or deposited as collateral security for any loan.

Mr. Bunker, I'm afraid a new loan is not possible.

Why the hell is it in this country, when you gotta borrow money, you first gotta

prove you don't need none?

Well, you got the Democrats to thank for that, too.

Well, what the hell am I gonna do?

Why don't you go to your partner and ask him to sell you his share on, say, a

five -year note?

Pay him a little more than bank interest. Maybe he'll accommodate you.

Try and be nice about it.

Oh, hey, if you knew me, you'd know I always try to be nice about everything.

But it's this partner of mine, you know, he can't do business with him because

he's like a child.

Oh, oh, it's my thing. It's all right. I'll get that. I'll get that.

Oh!

I didn't touch nothing to that.

Thank you very much there, Ms. Zonzo. You're a very nice lady and a

very smart lady.

And whilst I was with you, I sincerely hope I didn't say nothing to offend you.

Now, why would that worry you?

Oh, it don't. That's just something my old man told me to say whenever taking

leave of minority people.

He didn't want you to be rude.

No, never.

And he didn't want me to get hit in the back of the head with a brick, neither.

Oh, my dear.

Oh.

Hi, Arch.

Oh, hi there, Mr. Van Ness.

Hi,

Harry.

I started out for the bank, but then, you know, I had to stop.

I had to think it all over. I said to myself, this ain't fair to Harry, you

know. Busting up your career like this.

But it ain't fair to myself, because the last two years of our partnership,

they've been the happiest two years of my life.

So I said to myself, why throw two years of friendship right down the toilet?

They wouldn't give you the money, huh?

What are you doing now?

I'm calling Levy.

Your lawyer?

Yeah. I sent him a buyer. I want to tell him he can close the deal. Oh, no.

You ain't gonna tell him nothing.

I can tell him anything I want. It's my half, and I'm dumping it. Hello, Levy.

Yeah, I'll hold.

You can't sell without my legal approval.

Says who?

Says me. Look at our contract.

It says either one of us can sell out. Oh.

You wrote that into the fine print, huh? No. You wrote it in yourself, in great

big print. When I first seen it, I thought my granddaughter put it in.

Hello, Levy.

Harry from the bar.

Uh -huh.

Uh -huh.

Are you sure, Harry?

Okay, if you say so.

Right, goodbye.

Deal?

Yes, it's settled.

Harry definitely wants to sell to you. Hey, that's terrific.

Oh, boy.

But my advice, Mr. Klein, is for you to buy out Bunker, too.

Look, you don't understand, Levy. In the first place, I can't handle this alone.

And in the second place, this business is good because of him.

Listen, Klein, I admit that Archie's place is making money.

Right. And when it includes a little restaurant, it'll make more.

And I also think that Harry is a jerk to sell. That's why I am smart to buy.

Now, I'll tell you what I'm going to do. I'm going to get my bank book. We are

going to the First National and pick up a certified check.

But, Klein, what do you know about Bunker?

What's to know? The man needs a partner that's good enough for me.

But you, he doesn't need.

Klein, listen.

Bunker is an anti -Semite.

So is the manager of my supermarket. So is my mechanic.

I still have to eat and I still have to drive.

Yeah, but a partnership, it's like a marriage.

Would you marry someone who looked down on you?

I did.

You married an anti -Semite?

No, she was Jewish, but she looked down on me anyway.

I get it, Klein.

You're one of those kinky types who insists on looking for pain.

No, Levy, I'm one of those kinky types who refuses to look for pain.

Mr. Van Rensselaer.

What do you think of this guy, huh?

He ain't here, Lolo.

He had the years of friendliness and fondliness and camaraderie as he trains

me there, sells me out.

He's a traitor, he's the worst. Hey, who was the worst traitor in history?

Brutus? Judas?

Iago?

Quigley? Them, them, them.

Remember them.

Hey!