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And Shah Razim now boards the private
launch, which will ferry him across the
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channel to Britain.
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Oh, my God.
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This is terrible.
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This is terrible.
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The Shah's boat has blown up.
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This once gleaming gazelle -like craft
is now a ball of flames.
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A human casserole where blood is the
gravy, barbecuing the bodies in a
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spit.
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Gee, I wish I had a figure like that.
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You can.
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Benzinger lift and grip girdle.
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Benzinger twin stretch panels hug your
curve and prevent unsightly panty ride.
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You really do look ten years younger.
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The Benzinger lift and grip girdle.
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Be a little firmer with your figure.
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Thank you, Bob. Well, what a body blow.
Shaw Racine, coldly and cruelly
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assassinated by terrorists just when no
one at all was expecting it. The death
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of the late Shaw's brother will come as
a real kick in the teeth for President
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Cyclops.
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that the Shah is not dead. They blew him
into a thousand pieces.
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You think maybe they can operate?
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I think that our prime concern was to
protect the Shah from Arab assassination
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attempts. To do that, we had to convince
them he was dead.
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Oh, I see.
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Everybody thinks the Shah is dead, and
in fact, he is.
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That sounds foolproof.
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Sir, the CIA arranged to have that boat
detonated by remote control.
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Rafim and his blindfolded lacquit are
now being secretly ferried to Britain
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where the conservative government have
pledged their safety until we can
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secretly smuggle them here to
Washington.
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Did I know about this?
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Of course, Mr. President.
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Oh, oh, thank you, Deacon.
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I think you are blown up, master.
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Now you can travel to Britain in safety
and comfort.
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You don't sound well, toast of the
zodiac.
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Yes, very hot and feverish.
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00:05:06,000 --> 00:05:08,680
I have some coffee here to cheer you up.
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00:05:21,580 --> 00:05:25,799
sight of your holy countenance and had
to pluck out my eyes with a pair of
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00:05:25,800 --> 00:05:28,260
tongs. And another thing.
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Master. Scott of the Antarctic was a
film with Kenneth Moore.
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If only you hadn't lost those
seasickness pills.
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Now there is nothing at all I can take.
Nothing.
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You are wrong, Master.
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What? It was John Mills.
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Scott of the Antarctic with John Mills.
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But an hour or so, diamond of the
firmaments.
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00:05:56,870 --> 00:05:59,590
One more hour, and I'll be back on dry
level.
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00:06:03,241 --> 00:06:04,869
The
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00:06:04,870 --> 00:06:15,389
National
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00:06:15,390 --> 00:06:16,389
Seaman Strike.
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All cross -channel ferries will be
stranded where they are until further
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00:06:21,710 --> 00:06:23,570
American couple being held by the KGB.
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00:06:23,930 --> 00:06:27,360
Mr. Dubenkian claims the crew's missile
was found in their rucksack.
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00:06:28,710 --> 00:06:30,970
And the assassination of the Shah of
Iran.
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Police raid a cafe in Brixton.
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00:06:35,870 --> 00:06:36,920
Good evening.
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00:06:37,210 --> 00:06:40,250
We've just asked to go before Thursday's
general election.
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00:06:40,650 --> 00:06:42,710
Social Democrats look set for a victory.
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00:06:43,010 --> 00:06:47,230
The latest public opinion polls show
Labour trailing with 16 .1%.
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00:06:47,850 --> 00:06:52,249
the Conservatives with 31 .5%, and the
Social Democratic Alliance with a
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00:06:52,250 --> 00:06:58,989
resounding lead of 52%. The shift to
liberalism is reflected, too, on the
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00:06:58,990 --> 00:07:03,069
side of the Atlantic, where Republic and
President Johnny Cyclops is now caught
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up in a desperate struggle for his own
re -election in the autumn.
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00:07:10,010 --> 00:07:11,060
Yes?
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00:07:12,810 --> 00:07:16,330
The deacon is here with your campaign
advisor, sir. Oh, fine.
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00:07:16,331 --> 00:07:17,949
Morning, boys.
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00:07:17,950 --> 00:07:19,490
Send them in, will you? Oh, no.
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00:07:21,090 --> 00:07:25,749
Melvin Hickey, PR coordinator, chief
executive of the Johnny Cyclops re
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-election think tank. A tremendous honor
and privilege, sir. And that is Biff.
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00:07:30,710 --> 00:07:31,760
Well,
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00:07:32,590 --> 00:07:34,190
now, boys. Oh, Lord!
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00:07:35,490 --> 00:07:40,230
Take pity on us, thy humble servants.
Bless us with thy divine love and mercy.
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00:07:40,530 --> 00:07:44,210
Give the Democrat Party election
candidate a withered arm.
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00:07:47,630 --> 00:07:50,730
typhus among the Soviet Politburo
forever and ever, amen?
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00:07:52,350 --> 00:07:55,730
Now, Mr. President, this is the way we
see the election campaign.
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00:07:56,410 --> 00:08:01,809
Using the Johnny Cyclops bomb as the
very cornerstone of our foreign policy,
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create an image of strength.
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00:08:03,130 --> 00:08:05,240
Yeah, wait a minute. Johnny Cyclops
bomb?
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00:08:05,410 --> 00:08:07,070
What Johnny Cyclops bomb?
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00:08:07,430 --> 00:08:08,970
It was named after you, sir.
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00:08:09,230 --> 00:08:12,300
I didn't think it was named after Laurel
and Hardy. What is it?
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00:08:12,350 --> 00:08:13,400
Riff?
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00:08:15,281 --> 00:08:21,869
bomb is the devastating new deterrent
that gives you up to 50 times more
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00:08:21,870 --> 00:08:25,869
fatalities than most leading nuclear
bombs for the same capital outlay. That
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00:08:25,870 --> 00:08:29,990
means more death and destruction, more
value for your money. How does it work?
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00:08:30,050 --> 00:08:33,969
The answer is simple. Fusion of heavy
neutrons cause a realignment of
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quark particles, creating a supermassive
new energy release. Yes, the Johnny
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Cyclops bomb.
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00:08:43,371 --> 00:08:51,359
batch of Johnny Cyclops bombs into full
deployment just as the primaries begin.
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00:08:51,360 --> 00:08:55,739
I announce these glad tidings coast to
coast on my Texaco complanar of
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salvation.
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00:08:56,791 --> 00:08:58,459
Suddenly you're back in the race.
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00:08:58,460 --> 00:09:02,679
Yeah, but if one of those things
accidentally went off, it could blow up
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00:09:02,680 --> 00:09:04,700
entire state. I mean, think of the ribs.
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00:09:04,980 --> 00:09:07,570
We have, sir. That's why we're citing
them in Europe.
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00:09:07,571 --> 00:09:13,919
of the most destructive instrument of
death ever known being called the Johnny
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Cyclops bomb.
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00:09:15,080 --> 00:09:19,259
Well, Biff thought it was a good idea.
Am I right, Biff? The Johnny Cyclops
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00:09:19,260 --> 00:09:25,720
bomb. It grabs me. It grabs Biff, sir. I
don't care if it grabs Biff. Listen,
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00:09:26,960 --> 00:09:28,400
who the hell is Biff, anyway?
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00:09:28,401 --> 00:09:32,279
With respect, there's only a little late
for this. The bomb is being launched
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00:09:32,280 --> 00:09:33,780
tomorrow. Launched tomorrow?
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00:09:34,080 --> 00:09:39,059
When? Deacon says launched, sir. He
means launched to the press at a small
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00:09:39,060 --> 00:09:42,800
cocktail party, not literally launched
against Russia.
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00:09:44,400 --> 00:09:46,640
Unless, of course, you... No, no, no!
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00:09:47,020 --> 00:09:52,159
I want my name taken off this goddamn
thing. I want it called the Quark Bomb
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00:09:52,160 --> 00:09:57,020
instead. The Quark Bomb? And you shut
up. I like it. I don't give a... You do?
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00:09:57,280 --> 00:09:58,330
Oh, you hear that?
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00:09:58,500 --> 00:10:00,980
Biff likes it. He grabs Biff.
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00:10:01,280 --> 00:10:03,060
Well, settle then, the Quark Bomb.
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00:10:03,061 --> 00:10:06,619
It's going to change. As you wish, sir.
Finally, the Johnny Cyclops campaign
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song. Right. I think you'll like it,
sir.
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00:10:10,920 --> 00:10:13,160
Raised on a riverbank in Omaha.
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00:10:13,920 --> 00:10:16,740
Went to the mission where he played his
guitar.
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00:10:17,340 --> 00:10:20,140
Always took his hat off when he spoke to
his ma.
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00:10:20,660 --> 00:10:23,580
Once gave a nigger kid a lift in his
car.
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00:10:24,400 --> 00:10:29,320
Johnny, Johnny Cyclops never started
World War III.
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00:10:30,340 --> 00:10:32,860
Who thinks his tax returns on the
left...
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00:10:34,380 --> 00:10:36,340
Authorized to cover up in 1954.
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00:10:36,680 --> 00:10:39,960
And who spends a night a week in bed
with a whore?
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00:10:40,480 --> 00:10:43,140
Johnny Cyclops, that's for sure.
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00:10:44,520 --> 00:10:49,020
Johnny Cyclops never started World War
III.
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00:10:50,060 --> 00:10:55,399
Back from diplomacy, never lost his
tack. They sing throughout his term, no,
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00:10:55,400 --> 00:10:59,760
never ever cracked. Never flinched from
duty and was never scared to act.
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00:11:00,000 --> 00:11:03,000
Loved to put the shit up the Warsaw
Prat.
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00:11:16,910 --> 00:11:22,110
I've got to tell you, I still think the
stars and stripes have the edge.
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00:11:24,250 --> 00:11:25,300
And then?
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00:11:25,590 --> 00:11:26,640
And then?
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00:11:27,410 --> 00:11:30,090
Has the Satan's strike over yet?
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00:11:30,330 --> 00:11:32,930
Not yet, bangle of the fatherland.
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00:11:44,400 --> 00:11:46,260
new suit I found for you, Master.
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00:11:46,880 --> 00:11:53,880
Nice and inconspicuous. So now you are
truly incognito.
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00:11:53,881 --> 00:11:55,179
Yes, yes.
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00:11:55,180 --> 00:11:56,300
I must have air!
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00:12:03,300 --> 00:12:06,840
I think, Captain, I had better have my
uniform back.
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00:12:07,220 --> 00:12:10,220
It will be done in about ten minutes,
Master.
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00:12:10,460 --> 00:12:12,510
Good. What do you mean, done? Where is
it?
140
00:12:12,800 --> 00:12:16,960
Oh, it's perfectly safe, Master. I just
put it in the washing machine.
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00:12:27,160 --> 00:12:33,859
58 years ago, in small -town Pocatello,
Idaho, a young baby was
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00:12:33,860 --> 00:12:34,910
born.
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00:12:35,540 --> 00:12:41,180
As a child, he grew up among the fresh
pine forests and cool mountain streams.
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00:12:42,120 --> 00:12:44,780
gambled with the gophers and prairie
dogs.
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00:12:46,220 --> 00:12:52,900
Today, that child is Johnny Cyclops,
president of the United States,
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00:12:53,260 --> 00:12:59,459
guardian of the free world, and founder
of the most terrifically lethal
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00:12:59,460 --> 00:13:05,680
instrument of mass destruction the world
has ever known, the Quack Bomb,
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00:13:06,320 --> 00:13:10,000
formerly known as the Johnny Cyclops
Bomb.
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00:13:10,920 --> 00:13:13,160
to the president of the same name.
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00:13:13,680 --> 00:13:14,900
Okay, Mr. President?
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00:13:15,780 --> 00:13:21,080
Yes. I voted for Johnny Cyclops the last
time, and I'm not ashamed to admit it.
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00:13:22,080 --> 00:13:25,020
I like him because he's such a decisive
man.
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00:13:25,860 --> 00:13:29,580
They say he never suffers from any form
of amnesia whatsoever.
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00:13:32,000 --> 00:13:33,720
A very decisive man.
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00:13:33,721 --> 00:13:38,249
We interrupt this commercial to bring
you a news bulletin. In the United
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00:13:38,250 --> 00:13:41,089
general election, there has been a
narrow yet decisive victory for the left
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00:13:41,090 --> 00:13:44,709
-wing Labor Tribune party of Kevin Pork.
Mr. Pork is expected to see the cabinet
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00:13:44,710 --> 00:13:47,780
meeting very early to discuss his
program of radical reform.
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00:14:11,400 --> 00:14:12,780
Sorry, Kev? In office.
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00:14:14,400 --> 00:14:16,720
Four years, 11 months and 30 days.
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00:14:18,700 --> 00:14:20,750
Read it back to me again, will you,
Dave?
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00:14:21,180 --> 00:14:22,230
Oh, right away.
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00:14:25,320 --> 00:14:27,490
Minutes of Her Majesty's cabinet
meeting.
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00:14:29,100 --> 00:14:33,879
Convened at 10 .33 a .m. One
nationalised banks, increased pension,
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00:14:33,880 --> 00:14:37,520
social benefits, granted free public
transport for all.
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00:14:38,410 --> 00:14:42,609
Set up massive job creation scheme to
reduce unemployment by five and a half
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00:14:42,610 --> 00:14:43,609
million.
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00:14:43,610 --> 00:14:46,470
Total cost, 1 ,000 billion pounds.
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00:14:46,970 --> 00:14:50,950
Two, withhold all future EEC
contributions, serve notice of
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00:14:51,430 --> 00:14:54,709
Abolish Trident slash defence spending
by 98%.
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00:14:54,710 --> 00:15:01,270
Cancel the civil list and close down the
Daily Telegraph.
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00:15:01,430 --> 00:15:06,170
Total saving... Total saving, 1 ,000
billion pounds.
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00:15:06,450 --> 00:15:07,730
Any other business?
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00:15:07,731 --> 00:15:12,169
Abolished House of Lords, withdrew from
NATO, asked private education and
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00:15:12,170 --> 00:15:13,429
settled the Seaman Strike.
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00:15:13,430 --> 00:15:15,720
The meeting was adjourned after ten
minutes.
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00:15:20,730 --> 00:15:25,930
I can't understand how the other
governments made it last so long.
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00:15:27,490 --> 00:15:30,150
Still, it has consummated the marriage,
as it were.
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00:15:30,750 --> 00:15:33,970
And there's nothing for it now but to
tell you.
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00:15:35,410 --> 00:15:36,710
Tell us what, Kev?
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00:15:37,120 --> 00:15:42,860
Well, it's a rather personal matter.
It's very personal, actually.
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00:15:43,580 --> 00:15:47,900
Now, how can I put it without telling
you now?
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That's too much of a shock.
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00:15:50,820 --> 00:15:55,060
You see, I am... No.
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00:15:55,920 --> 00:15:57,420
It's no good. You've got to know.
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00:15:58,420 --> 00:16:04,600
The truth of it is, I am secretly
Superman.
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00:16:16,260 --> 00:16:17,310
Superman? Correct.
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00:16:22,080 --> 00:16:23,400
Bit of a big one, isn't it?
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00:16:26,860 --> 00:16:30,300
Obviously, you'd like some sort of
proof. Well, there you are.
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00:16:32,880 --> 00:16:39,840
And, of course, there's the... Holy
Mother of Moses.
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00:16:46,410 --> 00:16:48,210
this affects things rather heavily.
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00:16:48,310 --> 00:16:50,090
I think that's putting it mildly.
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00:16:52,550 --> 00:16:53,600
Sorry.
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00:16:54,741 --> 00:17:02,449
As from tomorrow, I shall announce the
immediate withdrawal of all American
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00:17:02,450 --> 00:17:05,849
forces, both nuclear and conventional,
from British soil.
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00:17:07,190 --> 00:17:11,269
In future, I shall be handling all our
defense needs personally in my capacity
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00:17:11,270 --> 00:17:12,730
as the man of steel.
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00:17:17,829 --> 00:17:20,659
that it's part of our policy of
unilateral disarmament.
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00:17:21,750 --> 00:17:26,009
There'll be no need for an independent
missile anymore because I myself am
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00:17:26,010 --> 00:17:27,630
faster than a speeding bullet.
201
00:17:30,850 --> 00:17:32,110
That's it, boys and girls.
202
00:17:32,750 --> 00:17:34,550
That's about the top and bottom of it.
203
00:17:48,430 --> 00:17:52,100
I saw something rather interesting with
my telescopic and X -ray vision.
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00:17:53,610 --> 00:17:58,469
The new Shah of Iran isn't dead at all.
He's on a cross -channel ferry bound for
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00:17:58,470 --> 00:17:59,730
Dover at this very moment.
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00:18:00,510 --> 00:18:03,580
Didn't you get a memo from MI5 telling
you that this morning?
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00:18:03,690 --> 00:18:06,270
Yes, I left it upstairs in my in -tray.
Oh,
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00:18:06,661 --> 00:18:13,969
that's a point, Brian. If the Saudis
find we've let that man into Britain,
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00:18:13,970 --> 00:18:15,050
they'll be hell to pay.
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00:18:15,480 --> 00:18:18,850
I shall issue instructions that he's not
to be allowed off the boat.
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00:18:19,120 --> 00:18:23,030
Wouldn't it be quicker to fly down there
at super speed and tell him yourself?
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00:18:24,700 --> 00:18:26,440
I don't think that'll be necessary.
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00:18:27,160 --> 00:18:29,330
I mean, there's no need to go mad, is
there?
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00:20:32,430 --> 00:20:34,450
But try dragging Dennis along, will ya?
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00:21:39,580 --> 00:21:45,619
Why is Johnny Cyclops like a two -bit
hooker? Oh, why is Johnny Cyclops like a
216
00:21:45,620 --> 00:21:46,670
two -bit hooker?
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00:21:48,800 --> 00:21:50,980
Sick minds, Mr. President, sick minds!
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00:21:51,780 --> 00:21:53,280
Well, how do they think I feel?
219
00:21:53,500 --> 00:21:57,359
The one man we were all depending on
going back and forth across the English
220
00:21:57,360 --> 00:21:58,900
Channel like a shuttlecock.
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00:21:59,120 --> 00:22:00,820
If only we could airlift him off!
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00:22:01,080 --> 00:22:04,879
Far too risky, sir. We must not alert
the Soviets, not while they have two of
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00:22:04,880 --> 00:22:05,779
our citizens.
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00:22:05,780 --> 00:22:08,260
We've got to get him off that goddamn
boat! Sir!
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00:22:10,030 --> 00:22:12,860
us to panic, he would never have given
us clean trousers.
226
00:22:15,730 --> 00:22:20,550
Listen, Mary, Mary, get me Downing
Street, will you? I gotta talk to this
227
00:22:20,650 --> 00:22:23,270
Pork. Just who does he think he is?
228
00:22:23,271 --> 00:22:27,169
Oh, God save us. The Prime Minister of
Great Britain thinks he's Superman.
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00:22:27,170 --> 00:22:29,989
Will you give up? Can you imagine what
would happen if the press got hold of
230
00:22:29,990 --> 00:22:30,629
this note?
231
00:22:30,630 --> 00:22:33,789
I'm sorry, I can't make question time in
the house today. Brainiac has escaped
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00:22:33,790 --> 00:22:34,870
from the Phantom Zone.
233
00:22:36,390 --> 00:22:37,440
Hello?
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00:22:38,610 --> 00:22:39,660
Yes, I'll hold.
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00:22:39,661 --> 00:22:41,789
It's the President of the United States.
236
00:22:41,790 --> 00:22:45,049
Oh, glory hallelujah. What are you going
to tell him? I'm sorry, the Prime
237
00:22:45,050 --> 00:22:48,549
Minister is out of his mind at the
moment. Will you stop whittling like a
238
00:22:48,550 --> 00:22:49,600
We've got to... Hello.
239
00:22:49,601 --> 00:22:54,289
No, I'm terribly sorry, Mr President.
We're not quite sure where he is at the
240
00:22:54,290 --> 00:22:56,090
moment. Hang on.
241
00:22:57,330 --> 00:22:58,650
I think this could be him.
242
00:23:01,510 --> 00:23:03,070
Sorry, I'm late, boys and girls.
243
00:23:03,071 --> 00:23:04,349
Is that for me?
244
00:23:04,350 --> 00:23:05,750
President Cyclops, Kev.
245
00:23:06,530 --> 00:23:08,030
He won't be allowed in. Goodbye.
246
00:23:08,031 --> 00:23:12,719
interest you to know, I've just been to
see the doctor.
247
00:23:12,720 --> 00:23:15,560
Doctor? I haven't been feeling myself
just lately.
248
00:23:16,720 --> 00:23:18,340
We weren't going to say anything.
249
00:23:19,320 --> 00:23:24,539
Well, no use pretending, is it? I think
I've been overdoing things, but I had a
250
00:23:24,540 --> 00:23:27,519
talk with the doctor and he's given me
some pills to take. Oh, it'll be for the
251
00:23:27,520 --> 00:23:31,459
best, Kev. I'm sure it will. Which
doctor is this then, Kev? Doctor Destiny
252
00:23:31,460 --> 00:23:32,510
Earth 2.
253
00:23:34,260 --> 00:23:35,860
You know him.
254
00:23:36,120 --> 00:23:38,360
He helped me to rescue Lois Lane.
255
00:23:40,240 --> 00:23:41,320
Starfish of Atlantis.
256
00:23:43,320 --> 00:23:46,200
Well, Crypto, it's time for your fly
round the block.
257
00:24:22,410 --> 00:24:23,460
Of course you do.
258
00:24:24,010 --> 00:24:25,060
No way.
259
00:24:26,570 --> 00:24:28,710
Well, it don't look right to me.
260
00:24:29,230 --> 00:24:30,490
And that's another thing.
261
00:24:30,670 --> 00:24:31,720
What?
262
00:24:31,721 --> 00:24:34,849
You know when the colonel brought these
things in here and said they were the
263
00:24:34,850 --> 00:24:38,209
most lethal and dangerous bombs in the
whole world and we had to guard them
264
00:24:38,210 --> 00:24:39,260
our lives?
265
00:24:40,030 --> 00:24:41,850
Yeah. What about it?
266
00:24:42,410 --> 00:24:43,460
Nothing.
267
00:24:44,950 --> 00:24:48,690
Just that I could have sworn there were
six of them.
268
00:24:48,740 --> 00:24:53,290
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