All language subtitles for Watching s05e09 Bonding.eng

It was boredom at first sight.

You could hardly call him right.

He is no one's Mr.

Right. So what do I say now?

But then I'm not so ideal.

I'm not gentle or genteel. So the
question should be what does he...

Hello, Brenda. Oh, you're back.

Thanks, sir.

Oh, did you have a nice... I've put my
watch down somewhere.

Not in special.

Oh, good.

Where was it now? A weekend in Wales?

No, Mother, it was two weeks in
Torremolinos. Two weeks? Doesn't the

fast? Especially when you can't fight.
Oh, there it is.

Now, who'd hang a watch on an elephant?

You. Yeah, I suppose I must have.

Did you get me card?

I don't think so. We had one from
Pamela, though. They're in Italy.

Or was that last year? Oh.

Thank you.

We want something for you, though. Came
this morning.

Hiya. What have you brought me? Two
weeks' dirty washing.

Gerald, where's that letter that came
from Brenda?

Do you mean the one you had a nose in
because it wasn't sealed properly?

Now, you'll need to get a new dress, but
they don't bother much with hats these

days, though the posh ones do, and it
was engraved.

Where is it, then?

Try the fruit bowl.

That's where I found my dental
appointment three days too late. Which

me, Pamela wasn't in Italy, like you
thought, because she was on the phone

Tuesday, though it might have been
Saturday, because it was afternoon, and

she'd lost a filling in Asda, which
serves her right for sampling the golden

delicious.

Oh.

No.

What of any more?

A few.

Malcolm, nobody's going to buy us a
lawnmower, besides which we'll have no

to mow.

Well, we will eventually.

We may need bunk beds eventually, but
we're not putting them on the list.

Bunk beds?

For children?

I wasn't thinking of your mother and
Auntie Peggy.

All right, then.

Pardon? I'm a cross -out lawnmower.

I have.

And garden waste incinerator, orbital
sander and 24 -foot extension ladder.

Well, I suppose it might be difficult to
wrap.

I know a Danish pastry maker.

I know a Norwegian bingo caller.

It's a joke. See, you said I know a
Danish pastry maker. Malcolm, I did

understand.

I don't really know a Norwegian bingo
caller. Malcolm.

Malcolm, it's your wedding as much as
mine.

Sorry.

How come everything on the list is to do
with your side of things?

My side?

Well, that's very sexist.

We won't have sides, Malcolm.

I hope you'll be in the kitchen just as
much as me.

Of course.

Oh, I don't know. You two and your
lists.

Didn't have those in my day.

You've taken the surprise element away.

Oh, I'll never forget the excitement of
unwrapping our presents.

Those matching storage jars.

All 11 sets of them.

Any biscuits?

Oh, I'll get some.

Malcolm.

Oh, no, thanks.

He's £6 over.

We don't want you looking all slobby on
our wedding photos, do we?

I'll bring them in. He can suit himself.

Hiya. Hi.

Going OK?

Fine. Just put her up.

How was it?

Not bad.

How are you going, though?

I'll tell you.

I didn't have a baby in the film.

You should have told him that. The chair
is adjustable, you know.

I don't mind one at a time, thank you
very much.

What are you doing?

Replying. That seems a bit of a rush to
me.

You don't think... Hardly. She's a
nurse.

Well, what? Your sister's was a rush job
and she married a chemist.

He was an industrial chemist. Not us.

They've got five now, haven't they?

According to Malcolm, they decided it
wasn't worth waiting once they'd made

their minds up.

Once she'd made their minds up.

Oh, that's not fair.

She's very nice.

And Malcolm's been keen to settle down
for some time now.

You agreed.

It wasn't up to me.

To be best man.

Yes, a long time ago.

When we thought... No, no, no, no, no,
no. I agreed to be best man.

There was no appendix saying, provided
you're marrying Brenda.

But that's what we thought.

And anyway, an appendix can't talk. It
grumbles.

I suppose she does know.

Well, like you say.

She is a nurse.

Not Lucinda. Brenda knows Malcolm's
getting married.

When should you be back from holiday?

Yesterday.

I suppose you should go round there and
break it to her gently.

What makes you think she cares?

She's split with him, remember?

Yeah, but it doesn't work like that.

You mean she still wants him?

Possibly, but only if... Someone else
does.

Exactly.

I'll go round there tomorrow, break it
to her gently.

Yeah. Ollie, Pummy, I haven't left him
again, have you? Don't be soft.

Thank you, Pummy.

Blender around.

Hi, Mum.

Oh, hello, love.

Oh, you haven't left him? No, no. Oh,
good. I mean, I do understand, but like

I've always said, it is for better or
for worse.

Though I suppose to be better, it would
have to have been pretty horrible

beforehand, wouldn't it?

Yes.

Just in time, am I?

Yeah, go on then. You can make it.

Oh, how's life?

Deadly. How's yours?

Oh, heavy.

We'll have to small talk over with.

What do you want?

What? Well, you want to talk to me about
something, don't you? No.

No, nothing special.

Do you know, I've never much liked Mum's
taste in roller blinds.

You could have told me that over the
phone.

Yeah, I suppose I could.

stuff any good for ants?

No, it kills them.

Look, what do you want?

I thought you should know.

Malcolm's getting married.

Oh, is he? Yeah. Malcolm Steinway?

Yeah. Well, that's interesting.

Who answered the ad?

What? Oh, well, it's to Lucinda.

Oh, I remember.

Tall, dark girl.

I'm sure they'd be very happy together.

At least they wouldn't be ruining two
other relationships.

Mother, there's your coffee.

Yeah.

Oh. We're still friends, you see, Ian's
sister.

Did you get one?

Yeah, well, we were bound to.

Bound to?

David's a special man.

Well, that I didn't know.

You agreed ages ago when we thought,
when Malcolm asked him.

Well, if it.

You always knew everything before I did.

I'm sorry, Brenda. No, there's nothing
to be sorry about.

I tell you what, I'll take Sarah off
your hands.

You're not going?

No. I hate weddings. You know me.

All that phony poncing around in long
frocks, listening to boring speeches and

throwing your freesias to the eager
virgins.

You're what?

Yeah.

But being so tall, we did have an unfair
advantage.

Have you got no speaking time yet?

For the reception?

No, that's next.

Best let me give a hand when you do.

Some relations can be a bit, well,
difficult.

On his father's side, that is. Don't mix
well.

If we sun like that... Actually, it's
more that they mix too much.

Bernard's on your side.

Bernard's on everybody's side.

Is that Bernard and Auntie Peggy? They
can't make it.

Today's RSVP.

They'll be in Ilfracombe.

That's a relief.

Sorry, lovey, but we booked last month.

Don't forget the fur for the hem of your
nightie.

Oh, that'll be to keep your neck warm.

Malcolm! OK.

OK.

Oh, but not my Aunt Jean and Uncle
Walter. They'll be in Florida.

This is what comes of rushing things.

People are on holiday.

And Brenda Wilson?

You asked her?

She's a friend.

She can't come.

She's twitching in Norfolk.

Perhaps I'll have another lesser
-spotted gob to it.

Oh, yeah.

Birders say have a bird rather than
spot.

Do they?

And a lesser spotted gob twit?

Yeah, that was me.

You're well out of it.

I'll go and make us some cocoa.

I've arranged for the flat to be in
joint names.

Oh, good, good.

From the 14th.

Fine. That's six weeks from today.

Good. The day we get back from our
honeymoon.

Yeah, yeah.

Malcolm, you don't seem too
enthusiastic.

Oh, I am. Especially about... Well, I
mean about everything.

You are sure, then?

Absolutely. You're the best thing that's
ever happened to me.

You care and me not forever taking the
mickey.

And I never will.

Nor will I.

Good. They all make jokes about things.

Right. I mean, some people turn
everything into a joke, don't they?

Yes. As if they don't know when to stop.

Malcolm. They don't care how much they
hurt people. Malcolm.

Playing tricks and going on and on and
on. Malcolm, it's over.

Just you and me now.

Yeah. It was four years, you know.

Over. No, just under, about three and
three quarters.

It's over.

Right.

Kiss me.

What now?

Kiss me.

Malcolm? Yeah?

Sit down.

Nervous? No. Good.

Have you got the ring? Yes.

And the spare one in case the vicar
drops the first one down the grating.

Yeah, well, it has happened. I read
about it in Melbourne.

Right. Australia.

Yes, I will remember to take the second
one back on Monday and collect your

cheque. The jeweller won't mind. I know.

I offered him a rental fee, but he
said... Relax, don't worry.

That's exactly what he said, yeah.

Can we head straight?

That's mine.

Oh.

Oh, yeah.

Is that the car?

No. You sure? Positive.

Yeah, well, they might arrive a bit
early.

Not three hours early.

I told you your safety margins were a
bit on the big side. Well, lots of

can go wrong.

Just that today, nothing has.

Right. So far.

Malcolm, nothing can go wrong.

Relax.

Think of something else.

Right.

How's Pam?

Fine. And she will take me mother, won't
she? Yes, that's what we arranged.

She's taking Sarah across to Brenda's,
then coming straight here.

Brenda? I thought she was in Norfolk.

Oh, she said that.

One of her little jokes.

Well, it doesn't matter anyway.

No.

It would never have worked, you know.

We're so different. Yeah.

You see, I've always been afraid to
list. If a thing is going to happen, it

happen. There's nothing you can do about
it.

Then why are we ready three hours early?

Well, sometimes you have to give a bit
of room for things to happen, don't you?

But nothing has, so far.

You see, Brenda thinks exactly the
opposite. She thinks you have to make

happen. We're completely different.

Yeah. Like chalk and cheese, yin and...
Tonic? Yang, sorry.

We're poles apart, north and south.

Mind you, in magnetism, unlike poles, do
attract, don't they? Malcolm!

And yin and yang. I mean, strictly
speaking, they're complementary, aren't

They go together, don't they?

And so do yin and tonic, which is just
what you need.

No, thanks. Yeah, just a little one.

And no more schoolboy physics.

And Chinese philosophy.

Stop it.

I've got a bottle.

Stop it.

What do you think, Ruthie?

Middle one?

Do you think so?

Goes with your eyes.

Does it?

We'll have to try and get to bed
earlier.

I wish they'd bring back ten o 'clock
closing.

Is the little one OK?

She's looking after our Gerald.

Oh, I hope he doesn't go teaching her
any of those rude sea shanties.

He's not going to join the Navy, you
know, Mother. Look, you can't say that,

Brenda. Youngster's changed. Look at
you.

Who'd have thought one day you'd become
a shorthand typist in an insurance

office? I thought, Pam, don't you want
to travel?

Who's joking?

Brenda. What? Cheer up.

Brenda. Come here.

Come here and sit down.

So?

He's getting married, love.

What are you on about?

It's over.

Well, if you're talking about me and
that Malcolm Stowell... Look, I know you

think I'm a bit of a nutcase with
nothing but a few pounds of strained

between my ears. But I do know a bit
about things.

Living and loving and all that stuff.
See, I've done it. A lot of it. I mean,

I've made a cock of most of it, but I've
still done it.

And I know I talk a lot about you all
moving on and finding your own way, but

do care, you know.

Oh, don't worry, Mother, it doesn't
show.

Oh, totally.

You see, Brenda, what I want is that you
should all be happy.

I love you three as if you were me own.

We are, you know.

I see you're getting hurt.

I'm not hurt.

You still love him, don't you?

I don't even know if I ever did. Let me
give you some advice.

You see, Brenda, it's not like the
pictures.

What isn't? Life.

He's getting married and that's the end
of it. It's no good you charging off

down to the church like Dustin, what's
-his -name, and shouting down from the

balcony. He won't come running out after
you so you can both ride off into the

happy ever afters.

No. No, life's not like that.

I suppose not.

Best forget him. Find someone else.
Someone more on your wavelength.

After all, there's plenty more fish on
the beach.

And pebbles in the sea. Right.

Mother. What, love? Will you do me a
favour?

Yeah, go on. Will you give her to Sarah?
I've got to finish my nails. Mother.

What, love? Thank. For what? For talking
to me.

Pleasure. After all, what's a mother
for?

Gerald, your bottle's ready.

You know you have.

Thank you

Dearly beloved, we are gathered together
here in the sight of God and in the

face of this congregation to join
together this man and this woman in holy

matrimony, which is an honourable
estate.

Malcolm, wilt thou have this woman to
thy wedded wife, to live together after

God's ordinance in the holiest state of
matrimony?

Wilt thou love her, comfort her, honor,
keep her in sickness and in health, and,

forsaking all other, keep thee only unto
her, so long as ye both shall live?

I listen to take thee, Malcolm.

To my wedded husband.

To my wedded husband.

From this day forward. From this day
forward.

For better, for worse.

For better, for worse.

Smile. Sorry.

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