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Good evening, ladies and gentlemen, and
welcome to a new season of Alfred
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Hitchcock Presents.
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00:00:33,940 --> 00:00:40,299
As has been our custom, we shall present
homey little stories of an unusual
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00:00:40,300 --> 00:00:46,919
nature. We shall continue to give the
little man, or woman, his
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00:00:46,920 --> 00:00:53,479
due. When crime is occasionally dealt
with, it will be crime as
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practice.
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00:00:57,850 --> 00:01:04,509
I think that by spring, a large number
of you will be thinking of
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moving.
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00:01:05,950 --> 00:01:10,870
There is one aspect of this program
which has changed.
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If you have tuned in to hear me make
snide remarks about an innocent sponsor,
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you are doomed to disappointment.
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I am proud to say I have resolved my
antagonisms and have become
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completely sponsor -oriented.
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I have met our new sponsor and find him
to be agreeable,
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charming, witty, honest,
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sincere, intelligent, dependable,
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trustworthy, loyal, brave, clean and
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reverent.
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00:02:02,500 --> 00:02:05,980
Tonight's show is entitled Mrs.
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Bixby and the Colonel's Poop.
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But first, unfortunately, we have one of
those...
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But first, fortunately...
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We have one of those intelligent,
amusing,
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dignified, provocative, brilliantly
conceived but
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painfully short commercials.
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00:03:38,760 --> 00:03:42,020
Oh, good morning. Come right in. I can
wait if he's busy. Oh, no, no.
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Excuse me, but I believe I'm next. You
certainly are, Mr. Evans.
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Now, don't press down.
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We'll let that harden for a few minutes.
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Your wife's here.
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Oh, good.
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Well, what have we here?
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Your lunch, darling. I had some salmon
left over. Oh, thank you, dear.
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00:04:06,360 --> 00:04:07,410
Oh, and I...
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00:04:07,411 --> 00:04:11,109
I have some bad news for you. A man says
the washing machine just isn't worth
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fixing, and then there's this.
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There's what?
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Don't know his act department. They're
after more money.
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And that's from three years ago.
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All of a sudden, they just up and decide
that we owe them more money. All right,
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darling, don't get upset.
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I know, but you work so hard, and we
always seem to be just a little bit
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Come on, sweetheart, you're going to
miss your train.
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Oh, all right.
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Bye -bye.
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That isn't a new suit, is it?
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No, silly. It's an old suit.
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It's just fall, that's all. I got out my
old fall suit.
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00:04:40,511 --> 00:04:44,069
Well, it's very becoming. But I wish you
hadn't brought these potato chips. Oh,
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now, don't be silly. With all the hours
that you put in, a little self
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-indulgence isn't going to hurt you.
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You mean once a month I can have potato
chips?
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Yes, darling.
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Every time I go to visit Aunt Maud, you
can have potato chips.
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I'll see you tomorrow.
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All right. I'll be home in time to get
dinner.
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Darling, don't you think sometime you
can give up these visits?
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Oh, now, Fred.
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She's the only family that I have, you
know that.
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00:05:07,971 --> 00:05:10,799
She's put me through school. She's been
everything.
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Now, two days a month, that's not much.
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But two days, that's one night.
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And that's one night I don't have you.
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Oh, now, Fred, if I were home, you'd
just go bowling.
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Now, stop pouting.
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You don't have a mother -in -law, and
you don't have a father -in -law.
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All you have in the world to worry about
is one poor old auntie -in -law.
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Oh, this beautiful, beautiful house.
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Honestly, you'll just never know the
feeling it gives me just to be in a room
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this size.
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00:07:09,160 --> 00:07:10,480
What do you have, the same?
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Oh, the woods are lovely.
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The leaves are turning.
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You know a wonderful thing about you?
Oh, I see, you've got the golden maple.
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You've never come down here.
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In eight years, summer or winter, you've
never come down here without stopping
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in exactly that same spot.
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and admiring the view.
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You know something wonderful about you.
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You always notice that I notice the
view.
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00:07:36,070 --> 00:07:41,149
Why, any other man would... Well,
honestly, if you're not washing his
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00:07:41,150 --> 00:07:45,409
getting his lunch or fighting off bill
collectors, why, they hardly even notice
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you at all.
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Aren't you listening to me?
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I'm sorry.
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I was looking at your eyes.
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Didn't hear your words.
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Now, come on, you hardly even know what
color they are.
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Darling.
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Look how the rhododendrons have grown.
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00:08:09,840 --> 00:08:11,400
And did you see the franklinia?
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Greatest bloom in years. Yes, they are
lovely.
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I planted those the year we met.
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00:08:17,180 --> 00:08:21,999
Remember? Remember what? Remember me in
a hospital bed and you in a white
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uniform. A very nice fitting uniform it
was indeed.
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In such style.
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And not the uniform.
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The girl that wore it. Oh, darling,
please don't say any more.
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Or if you do, kindly say something
stupid like, how are your cavities?
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Because if you don't, I'm afraid my
knees will collapse and I'll spill your
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lovely bourbon all over your lovely
terrace.
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Rye, dear.
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You're in Baltimore now.
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We drink rye.
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Yes.
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I knew I wasn't in New York.
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Darling, I have an errand to do.
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Now? Now, don't worry. You go up and
change and get comfortable.
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I'll be right back.
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What's your errand?
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Oh, a wonderful thing happened.
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A neighbor of mine died.
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Remember old Harrington?
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Finest stables on the eastern seaboard.
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Well, we buried him yesterday morning,
and his wife... You don't have to go, do
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you? His wife, who hated his horses even
more than she hated him.
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Well, she decided to sell every last one
of them before he's cold on the ground.
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You mean now?
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Oh, no. Tomorrow, tomorrow morning. At
the fairgrounds. An auction.
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But I've only just arrived.
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Sweetie, don't be upset.
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I have to study the horses before I do
any bidding.
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But I am upset.
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When will you be back?
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In time for our cocktail before dinner.
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I've got your things laid out, Mrs.
Bigby. And your bath is drunk.
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Thank you, Eloise.
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Actually, the only wild horse, I mean
really wild, not descended from a
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domesticated horse, like a Mustang.
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The only wild horse is a tarpan.
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You find it in the Gobi Desert.
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It's small, uncolored.
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Mane is short and erect.
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Moves and herds of five or more. Each
herd led by a stand.
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Oh, darling, John is here.
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Oh, good morning, John.
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Darling, I'm terribly sorry to have to
take off before you're ready to leave.
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But you know, an auction like this
doesn't happen twice in a lifetime.
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Excuse me, I've got to run inside a
minute. Be right out. Be right there,
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Halloween.
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Do you have the box?
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It's right here, sir.
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As soon as I go, give it to Mrs. Bixby.
I will. And give her this letter with
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it. Be sure and give her the letter. I
will, sir.
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I'm terribly sorry. I go to the station
with you, but I really can't. Oh, don't
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worry, darling.
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Goodbye.
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00:11:22,450 --> 00:11:23,710
And take care of yourself.
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00:11:24,230 --> 00:11:25,280
I will.
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00:11:39,000 --> 00:11:40,560
Colonel told me to give you this.
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00:11:41,080 --> 00:11:43,780
Oh, good gracious, what an enormous box.
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Why, whatever could it be, didn't he
say?
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00:11:47,400 --> 00:11:50,460
Oh, Eloise, this is exciting. It's just
like Christmas.
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00:11:51,020 --> 00:11:52,340
There's a note with it, Mom.
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00:11:53,280 --> 00:11:55,870
I don't think I'll look. I think I'll
just feel first.
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00:12:01,740 --> 00:12:02,790
Oh, no.
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Oh, it can't be true.
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00:12:11,790 --> 00:12:14,210
I've never seen anything like it in my
life.
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00:12:16,510 --> 00:12:18,370
Wild Labrador mink.
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00:12:19,610 --> 00:12:24,430
Oh, just feel it. It's so deep and so
soft.
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Smell it. What a wonderful smell.
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Aren't you going to try it on?
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What? I didn't think Miss Bigby is to
wear. You'd think it was to eat.
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00:12:36,330 --> 00:12:38,430
Eloise, it must have cost at least...
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$5 ,000?
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00:12:40,980 --> 00:12:42,970
Easily, ma 'am. It could have cost
eight.
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00:12:48,200 --> 00:12:54,320
Oh, just wait until I walk into a
restaurant with this on.
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00:12:54,580 --> 00:12:58,900
Just perfect for you, ma 'am. Oh,
Eloise, it's what every woman needs.
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00:12:58,901 --> 00:13:02,859
I don't want to hurry you, ma 'am, but
if we're taking the usual train, we
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00:13:02,860 --> 00:13:03,599
should be leaving.
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00:13:03,600 --> 00:13:05,280
Oh, I didn't realize it was so late.
172
00:13:05,281 --> 00:13:06,199
It's 10 .30.
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00:13:06,200 --> 00:13:08,319
I'll be with you in a moment, Thompson.
Yes, ma 'am.
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00:13:08,320 --> 00:13:09,700
I've got your bag all packed.
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I'll get it for you.
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Please accept the coat with my gratitude
and best wishes.
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00:13:22,500 --> 00:13:27,640
For personal reasons, I'm afraid I shall
not be able to see you anymore.
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P .S. If they wonder at home, just...
Tell them that nice aunt of yours
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gave it to you.
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00:14:08,970 --> 00:14:10,230
Your bag's in the car, Mom.
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Thank you.
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00:14:12,070 --> 00:14:14,840
What about the coat? Shall I pack it or
will you wear it?
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00:14:17,930 --> 00:14:18,980
Oh, no.
184
00:14:19,090 --> 00:14:26,029
No, I can't wear it. You see, my
husband... Eloise, would you just
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00:14:26,030 --> 00:14:27,290
put it back in the box?
186
00:14:28,650 --> 00:14:31,090
I think it's a little too warm to wear
it.
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00:15:26,890 --> 00:15:28,090
Oh, driver, stop here.
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00:15:43,950 --> 00:15:45,150
Wait for me, will you?
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00:15:53,730 --> 00:15:54,780
Yes,
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00:15:55,101 --> 00:15:56,799
ma 'am?
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00:15:56,800 --> 00:16:00,580
Oh, good evening. I seem to have lost my
wallet.
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00:16:00,980 --> 00:16:05,639
And, well, the banks don't open again
until Monday. And I, well, I just simply
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00:16:05,640 --> 00:16:07,560
have to have some money for the weekend.
194
00:16:08,100 --> 00:16:09,180
Let's see what you got.
195
00:16:09,280 --> 00:16:14,159
It does seem silly to pawn this for the
little bit that I need. But, you see, I
196
00:16:14,160 --> 00:16:16,080
just didn't seem to have anything else.
197
00:16:22,060 --> 00:16:23,110
How much do you want?
198
00:16:23,160 --> 00:16:25,500
It really is a fantastic coat.
199
00:16:26,090 --> 00:16:27,140
How much?
200
00:16:27,530 --> 00:16:28,580
Uh, 50.
201
00:16:31,670 --> 00:16:32,720
Name?
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00:16:32,790 --> 00:16:34,410
Wild Labrador Mink.
203
00:16:35,270 --> 00:16:36,530
No, no, no, no. Your name.
204
00:16:37,550 --> 00:16:38,600
My name?
205
00:16:39,370 --> 00:16:41,230
You don't have to use the name, do you?
206
00:16:41,231 --> 00:16:44,489
What if you lose the ticket? Anybody can
pick it up and come in here and claim
207
00:16:44,490 --> 00:16:46,690
the coat. Oh, I won't lose the ticket.
208
00:16:46,691 --> 00:16:50,989
Okay. What do you want me to put for
description of article?
209
00:16:50,990 --> 00:16:52,040
Don't put anything.
210
00:16:53,840 --> 00:16:58,619
Look, lady, this is a ticket. This
ticket cares in half. I give you half, I
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00:16:58,620 --> 00:17:01,690
half. On each half it says article. I
gotta write what article?
212
00:17:02,140 --> 00:17:04,670
Well, why don't you just write $50 on
each ticket?
213
00:17:04,839 --> 00:17:06,039
The numbers are the same.
214
00:17:07,300 --> 00:17:09,079
Okay, it's no skin off my nose.
215
00:17:35,620 --> 00:17:37,600
Well, how was everything in Baltimore?
216
00:17:38,100 --> 00:17:39,150
Fine.
217
00:17:40,180 --> 00:17:41,680
Well, I worked late last night.
218
00:17:43,580 --> 00:17:45,280
I stayed to cast some inlays.
219
00:17:45,600 --> 00:17:49,300
Oh, now, Fred, why can't you let other
people do your donkey work for you?
220
00:17:49,460 --> 00:17:51,200
You're much too important for that.
221
00:17:52,240 --> 00:17:54,160
I'm extremely proud of my inlays.
222
00:17:54,540 --> 00:17:57,680
Oh, you see what I've brought for
measuring the vermouth?
223
00:17:59,180 --> 00:18:00,700
Why do you have to do them?
224
00:18:02,350 --> 00:18:04,580
I can get it to the nearest milligram
with it.
225
00:18:05,410 --> 00:18:06,460
Darling, how clever.
226
00:18:11,730 --> 00:18:13,130
I seem to have the sniffles.
227
00:18:17,310 --> 00:18:20,550
Darling, by the way, look what I found
in the cab today.
228
00:18:22,670 --> 00:18:24,230
It's a ticket with a number on it.
229
00:18:25,810 --> 00:18:29,000
I thought it might be a lottery ticket
or something, so I kept it.
230
00:18:29,090 --> 00:18:30,140
It's a pawn ticket.
231
00:18:30,510 --> 00:18:31,710
A pawn ticket?
232
00:18:32,040 --> 00:18:34,900
Oh, dear. I was hoping it was for the
Irish sweepstakes.
233
00:18:41,020 --> 00:18:44,759
Well, if you want to pay $50, you can
get the article. How would I be sure it
234
00:18:44,760 --> 00:18:45,810
was worth $50?
235
00:18:45,980 --> 00:18:47,100
Oh, it must be worth it.
236
00:18:47,440 --> 00:18:49,730
They wouldn't give more than 10 % on the
value.
237
00:18:50,360 --> 00:18:53,040
You mean it could be worth $500, that
little ticket?
238
00:18:53,400 --> 00:18:55,580
Sure. Oh, I think this is exciting.
239
00:18:56,120 --> 00:18:57,170
Sure.
240
00:18:57,220 --> 00:18:58,720
Who knows what we'll get, hmm?
241
00:19:01,410 --> 00:19:03,710
Honey, it's my ticket. I found it.
242
00:19:04,310 --> 00:19:06,110
Well, what difference does it make?
243
00:19:06,170 --> 00:19:08,090
I'll find out what it is Monday morning.
244
00:19:08,870 --> 00:19:11,230
But I found it. I ought to go, oughtn't
I?
245
00:19:11,231 --> 00:19:15,249
Honey, you don't know anything about
pawnbrokers. You're liable to get
246
00:19:15,250 --> 00:19:17,550
Oh, I wouldn't get cheated, Fred,
honestly.
247
00:19:18,050 --> 00:19:20,970
Anyway, you don't have $50, do you?
248
00:19:23,050 --> 00:19:24,100
Do you, dear?
249
00:19:26,570 --> 00:19:27,770
So how can you redeem it?
250
00:19:27,771 --> 00:19:29,589
Well, I...
251
00:19:29,590 --> 00:19:32,780
Just thought it might be fun to go
myself and discover what it is.
252
00:19:33,010 --> 00:19:34,450
All right, I'll tell you what.
253
00:19:34,590 --> 00:19:35,640
We'll go together.
254
00:19:35,810 --> 00:19:36,860
What?
255
00:19:36,861 --> 00:19:39,369
Monday morning, you and I will go to the
pawnbroker's together.
256
00:19:39,370 --> 00:19:40,420
Oh, no.
257
00:19:40,990 --> 00:19:42,040
Well, why not?
258
00:19:43,350 --> 00:19:46,970
Well, I certainly wouldn't want to be
seen going in a place like that.
259
00:19:46,971 --> 00:19:51,449
No, on second thought, darling, I think
it'd be much more exciting if I stay
260
00:19:51,450 --> 00:19:53,070
behind and you find out what it is.
261
00:19:53,490 --> 00:19:56,450
Well, any way you like.
262
00:19:57,790 --> 00:19:58,840
Fred.
263
00:19:59,150 --> 00:20:00,710
Would you promise me one thing?
264
00:20:02,050 --> 00:20:06,049
If it does turn out to be something
wonderful, you know, like, oh, a
265
00:20:06,050 --> 00:20:09,930
watch for you, will you phone me the
instant you find out what it is?
266
00:20:10,710 --> 00:20:11,760
You bet I will.
267
00:20:18,410 --> 00:20:20,910
Well, here's to Monday morning.
268
00:20:41,561 --> 00:20:48,329
Well, Mrs. Edwards, you sure are going
to be a beauty when I get through with
269
00:20:48,330 --> 00:20:49,570
you. Open, please.
270
00:20:52,350 --> 00:20:53,400
Telephone, doctor.
271
00:20:55,230 --> 00:20:56,280
Yes.
272
00:21:02,670 --> 00:21:03,720
Oh, hello.
273
00:21:03,910 --> 00:21:05,900
Oh, gee, I'm sorry. I forgot all about
it.
274
00:21:06,001 --> 00:21:08,069
Forgot it?
275
00:21:08,070 --> 00:21:09,870
Well, what do you mean you forgot it?
276
00:21:09,910 --> 00:21:12,990
Oh, no, no. I didn't forget to go. I
just forgot to call you.
277
00:21:13,900 --> 00:21:15,620
Fred, now do tell me, what is it?
278
00:21:16,000 --> 00:21:20,319
I think, darling, you'll find it a very
pleasant surprise. Look, I'll bring it
279
00:21:20,320 --> 00:21:21,339
home with me tonight.
280
00:21:21,340 --> 00:21:22,390
Goodbye.
281
00:21:24,420 --> 00:21:25,470
Bye -bye.
282
00:21:33,620 --> 00:21:34,670
Oh,
283
00:21:35,060 --> 00:21:36,780
Mr. Gorman, we didn't expect you.
284
00:21:36,781 --> 00:21:40,279
I've had a little trouble. I'm sorry,
but the doctor's just going out for
285
00:21:40,280 --> 00:21:41,330
It's broken.
286
00:21:41,440 --> 00:21:42,520
Broken your denture?
287
00:21:42,920 --> 00:21:44,620
Oh, what a shame. Just a moment.
288
00:21:45,771 --> 00:21:52,699
Old Mr. Gorman's outside with a broken
clasp. Do you think you could fix it
289
00:21:52,700 --> 00:21:53,419
before you go?
290
00:21:53,420 --> 00:21:54,279
Oh, sure.
291
00:21:54,280 --> 00:21:56,660
Send him in. Darling, may I come in?
292
00:21:56,661 --> 00:22:00,239
I was just up in the neighborhood
shopping and I just couldn't wait to see
293
00:22:00,240 --> 00:22:00,979
you got me.
294
00:22:00,980 --> 00:22:02,030
Hello, dear.
295
00:22:02,180 --> 00:22:05,790
Oh, you can go out to lunch now, Miss
Pulteney. I can manage with Mr. Gorman.
296
00:22:05,960 --> 00:22:07,840
Oh, Fred, where is it?
297
00:22:08,460 --> 00:22:09,510
In the closet.
298
00:22:15,120 --> 00:22:16,170
Watch your eyes.
299
00:22:21,400 --> 00:22:22,450
All right.
300
00:22:23,000 --> 00:22:24,050
You can look now.
301
00:22:31,620 --> 00:22:32,820
There you are, precious.
302
00:22:33,320 --> 00:22:34,480
Feast your eyes on this.
303
00:22:35,600 --> 00:22:36,780
Go ahead, take it.
304
00:22:40,240 --> 00:22:42,100
What's the matter? Don't you like it?
305
00:22:43,240 --> 00:22:44,290
Oh, why, yes.
306
00:22:44,960 --> 00:22:46,080
It cost me 50 bucks.
307
00:22:46,081 --> 00:22:48,199
It'll have to do for your Christmas
present.
308
00:22:48,200 --> 00:22:49,280
Oh, well, it's lovely.
309
00:22:50,660 --> 00:22:52,340
Now, let's try it on.
310
00:22:53,980 --> 00:22:55,260
Oh, it's perfect.
311
00:22:56,300 --> 00:22:57,540
It really suits you.
312
00:22:57,541 --> 00:23:00,619
You know, it isn't every woman who has a
mink.
313
00:23:00,620 --> 00:23:01,670
No, it isn't.
314
00:23:02,740 --> 00:23:05,680
Well, you run along, dear. I have to
take care of Mr. Gorman.
315
00:23:09,600 --> 00:23:12,720
I wish I could take you to lunch, but
I'm just so busy.
316
00:23:14,200 --> 00:23:17,390
Oh, did I tell you I'd be a little bit
late getting home tonight?
317
00:23:18,020 --> 00:23:22,579
No. It'll probably be about 9 .30, the
way things look at the moment. Maybe
318
00:23:22,580 --> 00:23:23,630
10 or 11.
319
00:23:32,280 --> 00:23:36,099
Goodbye, Doctor. I'll be back in an
hour. Thank you, Miss Pulteney. And
320
00:23:36,100 --> 00:23:38,390
forget to order the amalgam when you get
back.
321
00:23:47,560 --> 00:23:48,640
Come in now, Mr. Gorman.
322
00:23:49,140 --> 00:23:50,520
Well, it's nice to see you.
323
00:23:50,920 --> 00:23:52,600
And how is the world treating you?
324
00:23:57,460 --> 00:24:03,420
My honeymoon with the sponsor lasted
just as long as the first commercial.
325
00:24:04,940 --> 00:24:10,020
As for my present mood, will it outlast
the final commercial?
326
00:24:10,700 --> 00:24:12,300
You shall see in a moment.
327
00:24:15,020 --> 00:24:20,559
At least my sponsor doesn't seem to be
taking any action as a result of my
328
00:24:20,560 --> 00:24:24,600
attitude. Until next week, good night.
329
00:24:24,650 --> 00:24:29,200
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