Original subtitles

Can I get you a table?

No, thanks.

Is the owner around? I'm from the health department.

Oh, gee.

They're in the kitchen. You want me to get them for you? No, I'll just go on

back. It's that door on the right.

Yeah, okay.

Hey, hey, hold it, hold it, hold it, buddy. It ain't in there. It's over

What?

If you're going to the can, you go in there.

I want to go in there.

Come here, come here, come here. Let me show you.

Relief is right through that door and to the left.

I'm the health inspector.

Is your boss around?

Well,

I am my boss.

I'm Bunker, the owner.

I'm Klein, the owner.

Do you have to always say that?

Yes, until you put my name on that sign. Well, I'm going to say what you want.

Well, hi.

I'm Steve Connery from the health department.

Pleasure to meet you. You don't know that.

Can I show you around?

A fly just went blazing past my face.

Hey, I don't want you to think we've got loads of flies around here. In fact, he

was the last one that come back since September.

Come back from where?

Well, wherever they go.

Capistrano.

Yeah, well, I'd better get started.

Wait a minute.

Where's the other guy that used to be on this job?

You know, the old man with the deadly wheeze?

Yeah, he went on disability and moved to Arizona.

Oh, gee.

I knew the poor man was a consumptuary.

Did he die?

Now, are you sure that you want to do this now? Why don't you come back and

we're not so crowded? Yeah, but we're not so crowded. Well, it shouldn't be

crowded in the kitchen.

No, no, no, it ain't never crowded in the kitchen.

Gee, what I meant, I mean, what he, what he, get into this, sir. I'll tell you

what I'll do. I'll warn the chef.

I'll tell the chef that you're here. No, no, that's okay.

The element of surprise is what makes this job so much fun.

Okay? Hey,

buddy, if you're looking for the can, it's on the other side of the bar.

Do a lot of people think this is the can?

What do you want?

Don't let me bother you. I'm just looking.

Yeah? Well, if you want to take a tour, they start at Rockefeller Center.

Right now, I'm up to my asparagus and hollandaise sauce.

Sounds good.

It is. I can really cook.

I'll bet you can.

Hey, why don't you go out and have some lunch, huh? Bye -bye.

Oye, está mirando en el freezer.

Yes?

Hey, hey, hey!

Hold it.

What are you doing there?

I have to check your equipment.

In my country, you can't do that till you're engaged.

Oh, shut up. He didn't mean it that way.

Did you?

Let me, uh, think about it.

What's the matter?

Are you depressed?

Not only are you funny, but your thermostat's cracked.

What is it? Some kind of a survey?

And the handle on the refrigerator is broken. Have it fixed.

Who are you?

The health inspector.

Oh, my God.

Immigration? Sanitation.

Oh, what's that you're doing in my soup?

Taken its temperature.

There? Will it live?

Toss in two aspirin and call me later.

Better yet, what am I call you?

I'm Veronica.

O 'Brien, right?

Rooney. Close enough.

Hi, I'm Steve Connery. Hi. And you got the map of Ireland written all over your

face. Yeah, you're full of malarkey.

You married?

Uh, not lately.

Veronica Rooney, huh?

Okay, Veronica Rooney, what's your phone number?

Why? I have to call you later.

Remember?

¿Qué pasa?

Foolishness. Amor.

Hey, you guys, mix the enchilada.

Now, what was you saying?

What part of the kitchen is the inspector now?

Veronica.

Violation all in herself.

We don't have any violations.

But don't you understand? Some of these guys, they go around with their own

roaches and thousand legs and sprint all over the premises.

Don't be ridiculous.

I ain't being ridiculous.

Of course, they're looking for payola. They're looking for promotions.

Look, he may notice that the handle on the refrigerator is loose. He may notice

that the thermostat in the oven is tracked. And he may notice that the

clog. He may... I missed the drain.

Here you are.

I'll be back to check. Thank you. Well, wait a minute there, sir. I mean, after

all, them things you noted down there, they're only little minor things, you

know. I mean, we could have them fixed by tomorrow.

Fine. I'll be back tomorrow.

So soon?

Can't you give us a break here?

I mean, after all, we were a busy place. Look at the customers we got in there.

There he goes!

I wouldn't be a damn bit surprised if she printed out all them things to him

there.

Harry, what was they doing?

They was just standing there, looking at each other.

Let's find out. Yeah, look for Roach.

Hey, Veronica, what needs fixing first?

My hair.

All right, everybody, look around here for a thousand layers.

I'm talking about what the health inspector wants.

So am I. I got a date with him tonight.

You got a date with that young kid? What for?

For fun.

He's taking me out dancing.

Veronica, that's nice.

What are you talking about? That's nice. Don't say that. Let me talk. Can I get

in here? No.

Veronica, listen to me. Don't do a thing like this.

That's only a young guy. You're the woman of the oldest generation.

What are you talking about? I sometimes go out with women who are 20 years

younger than me.

But that's all right. That's only natural. A man is supposed to be older.

Who said?

Good.

that. You ever took the trouble to glance into his Bible there?

Certainly.

That's why he made Adam first and Eve years later.

Don't give me that face.

If we'd have wanted it the other way around, he would have got out of a much

older woman somewheres.

Where?

Anywhere he had millions of people to choose from.

Veronica, because I'm the only guy around who's worried about your

Oh, that's so sweet, Archie.

You just keep on worrying, huh?

While I take an hour off.

Taking one hour off? What the hell for?

To get my hair done.

Yeah.

I'm telling you, no good is going to come from this.

What did you say?

I said what you say.

Well, the man's right.

She'll be here any minute. She's coming in any minute. This woman is going to

ruin us with her love life.

And she's so ridiculous.

She doesn't think that she's ridiculous.

But, Murray, for her own good, it's up to us to make her feel ridiculous.

Wow.

Well, let's all laugh at her.

Hi, everybody.

Not yet. Let her say more.

Guys, I feel like I'm 16 years old again. I feel ridiculous.

What happened?

Don't nobody guess. It's bound to be off color. What wonderful thing has

happened to you, Veronica?

I fell in love.

Ah, she's kidding us up. Nobody can fall in love in six days.

Seven nights.

Yeah, there's six days and seven nights.

Sounds like a cruise.

Sounds like savagery.

Well, you think what you think and I'll think...

I think.

I'm in love, I'm in love, I'm in love, I'm in love, I'm in love with the one

like Mocha!

She'll soon change that tune.

Here I go again!

I think it's terrific that Veronica has a boyfriend.

You just put your fingers on the problem there. He's a boy, she's an older

woman. Technically, that still works.

She's too far gone. And for tacticals.

Well, you can all say what you want, but she's going to be dumped.

What makes you think she's going to get dumped? Because, Mr. Van, that's life.

There's the dump boys and there's the dumpees.

And an older woman is always the dumpee.

Well, okay.

I guess it becomes my sad duty to go out there and straighten the route.

I'm the only one who can do it. I'll do it.

Okay, you do it.

And if he fails, Mr. Van Arb, I'm afraid I'm going to have to ask you to go out

there and give Veronica some good advice.

I can only quote Oscar Wilde.

Is he the salesman from Schenley's?

I don't know much, but he said, all advice is bad and good advice is fatal.

Somebody's got to say something better than that.

Oh, look at me.

Already you talked to her? Hell yes.

Well, well, what?

I've been invited to a party.

To a party?

Yeah, Steve's sister's throwing a party next week and she invited me.

I send you in there to straighten a woman out and you go in there and boost

your own social life? The only reason I'm going to the party is so I can keep

eye on her.

I'm not sure I can do all this.

You've got to show me what you're talking about.

Wonderful.

Does it hurt? Only when I breathe.

Are you enjoying yourself? Yes, I'm enjoying.

Can I get you a drink, honey?

Are you going to ask me to do that?

Sure. Then make it a double.

Hi.

Hi. I bet you made all this food.

Well, I helped. I knew it. Steve's just crazy about you.

Oh, yeah?

You're not Aunt Maggie?

No, I'm not Aunt Maggie.

I'm Veronica Rooney. Oh, it's very nice meeting you, Mrs. Rooney. Now, look,

just call me Ver... Hi, I'm Veronica.

Hi, I'm Kim.

Of course you are.

I just love your dress.

Oh, thank you, thank you. I wish my mother would wear bright colors.

She's always in phase.

Your mother?

Great music, huh?

Oh, groovy.

You, uh, you like Blondie? Oh, sure.

And Dagwood and Baby Dumpling, too.

I don't know those groups.

No, see, they used to be in the funny papers.

They were a riot.

old -fashioned.

I am not.

Oh, sorry, Steve. Thank you. Thank you.

Geez,

you should have brought yourself one, too.

Maybe you said you couldn't disco.

Oh, is that what I was doing, huh?

Oh, boy. I am so glad that you invited Murray to the party. He is a beautiful

conversation. Oh, yeah?

What was he talking about?

Leaves.

told me all about myself and we just left.

Oh, it was nothing. Just a slight knowledge of astrology.

Astrology? Oh, do me, do me.

Do you?

I was born November 15, 1955.

I got four hours older than her.

Oh, Scorpio, then, huh?

Well, tonight you should concentrate on Taurus and the Bulls. Oh, show me one.

You're looking at one.

Hey, come on, Maria, let's dance.

Oh, excuse me, ma 'am. Ma 'am? See you later, Victoria.

No, no, it's not Victoria. Hey, Steve, it's okay. It's okay.

You know, tonight I kind of feel like a Victoria.

You having a good time? Yeah, good.

Great party. Great, great.

Meet a bunch of people.

Neat. Yeah, all old friends.

Yeah.

Real old.

Come on in.

Oh, sorry, I was looking for the horseradish.

It's awful hot in here.

Nothing's hot.

Oh, hey, I thought it was you.

You're a kid, you know that?

I haven't stopped laughing since I met you.

Oh, sure you have.

Lots of time.

We gotta talk.

When everybody goes home?

No, we gotta talk now.

Later.

No, Stevie, there ain't gonna be no later. The party is over, and we gotta

goodbye.

Goodbye? What do you mean, goodbye?

Oh, boy, I sound like Paul Henry to now Voyager.

Who? What are you talking about?

That's what I'm talking about.

You don't know who Paul Ann Reed is.

Let me guess. Is he, uh... No, honey.

Honey, you just don't know.

So we got to say goodbye.

We were having so much fun. Why are you doing this?

Because, because I... I don't... I just... I want to feel good

about... about going out to dinner.

We've been out to dinner lots of times.

Yeah, everybody is always watching us. So what do you care?

Well, it's like they're waiting for me to cut your meat.

Hey, I don't know if you notice, but I'm a little older than you are.

Yeah, you're also a little shorter than I am. It really doesn't make much

difference. Well, it bothers me.

It bothers...

We're higher heels.

Oh, I'm going to miss you.

Don't do this.

I've got to.

Because I'm not willing for people to think that you're going out with me for

only one reason.

We know that's not true.

Yeah, but they don't. But they don't matter. I know they do. They do.

That awful?

Yeah.

Yeah, it's awful.

Veronica?

If you ever decide it ain't awful, you give me a call?

So fast it'll make your head spit.

For your information, you don't spell pea soup P -E -E.

There.

Wait a minute. I just want to say something to you there. I know what

You can't say I didn't warn you.

I knew he was going to get dumb.

Hey, Arch.

I asked you to keep your big mouth shut.

I never said I would, did I?

I tell the gods on a stroke there, Veronica. Ain't you sorry now? You got

yourself mixed up in this foolish little interlude?

Yeah, Arch, I'm sorry.

Like Dinah is about Bert.

See? You see that?

I don't think that woman understood one word, the whole point of the subject

laying beneath my thoughts.

And you ask me why I go to the Equal Rights Commandment?