All language subtitles for archie_bunker_s_place_s01e21_father_and_daughter_night

What you reading?

Oh, I'm reading where a circus fired a
monkey for bothering people.

What did they do with him?

They give him a job on this paper.

Who's the song we're going to do, Annie?
It says you know it.

What are you talking about?

The father and daughter night at school.
Oh, no, no, no, no. You ain't going to

rope me into anything like that.

But you said you would.

I never said nothing of the kind.

You said fine, right.

But everybody knows that fine right
means no.

I thought no is when you said, I'll
think about it.

Listen, kiddo, I'll give you a good rule
to follow, you hear?

Unless I say yes, everything is no.

If you mean to say no, why don't you say
no?

Because if you say no too much for kids,
the kids grow up and put you in a

senile citizen's home.

Well, you don't understand at all, but
you will when you're growing up and have

kids of your own.

I'm not going to have any kids.

Well, then you better learn to say no.

No, no, no.

Hey, hey, don't be getting up into my
lap now. That ain't going to do you no

good.

No, I ain't gonna do it. Go and ask your
aunt Edith to do that with you.

It's father and daughter night and she's
not my father.

Well, neither am I.

At least you're the right sex.

Sex is one of them four -letter words I
don't allow around the home.

Can't you go and sing by yourself? Tell
them I'm sick. I got a sore throat,

large anitis or something.

I'm not gonna lie or mispronounce words.

That ain't a lie. It's making an excuse.

You see?

When you lie, you hurt somebody.

When you make an excuse, you do somebody
a favor.

I don't get that.

Well, the biggest favor we could do all
them people up at the school there is

not to sing. You get that?

I sing okay, and so do you.

The only living human that sings Wasted
Me Is Your Air Needed, though, sings

like a wolf.

good from the shower. Well, yeah, I
sound pretty good when I'm underwater

naked.

But I certainly ain't going up to the
school that way.

You don't really love me.

Well, if you really loved me, you'd stop
asking me.

Why don't you go and get out some dishes
to have a nice and forceful supper,

huh? What are we having?

Same thing we always have. You may need
it at home.

Lousy leftover meatloaf.

Sure, all kids love junk food.

Now put that thing back in your mouth
and do what I tell you.

We ain't home. Get lost.

I'll get it.

I bother nobody comes to see us but
panhandlers, burglars, and relatives.

This is a real oldie.

Hi,

that's great. I never knew you could
play.

Well, I don't really play. I just noodle
around. You see, when I was your age, I

took lessons, but I quit.

So, don't quit.

Did pianos look different way back then?

Why should they?

The pianos looked old in the old days.

Well, in the old days, the old pianos
looked old, and the new pianos looked

new.

I used to have a player piano, you know,
the one with the rolls of music inside,

and you played with your feet.

With your feet?

Oh, come on, you're just making up a
lie. No, no, it's true. I mean, that's

started me to want to play the piano.

Why are you the first one I learned?

Why not?

Okay, you ready?

Yeah.

You don't do some playing down the bar.
Well, I don't play that good. Besides,

you wouldn't pay me.

Are you in the union?

No. Then don't be looking for money.

Larry just told me something I never
thought of before.

What? He used to be my age.

Well, so used to I.

I can't picture that.

Why not? You don't think he was born
looking like that, do you?

I wasn't.

Why do you start these things? Murray,
what do you want?

What I want? I want the key to the
storeroom.

And what happened to yours? Once again,
you walked off with it. Once again.

Why should I walk off with your key?

Because you lost yours.

Well, when you find mine, let it be
yours. What's the difference?

Come on. Right here it is. Here it is.

But be careful, huh? For God's sakes,
don't lose that one. That's the last one

got. Okay, okay, okay.

See you later, spectrum.

Bye.

Uh -oh.

Hey, hey, what's the matter?

Hmm? You and Archie have a fight?

Did you do something he didn't like?

You're close.

Well, come here, sweetheart.

Come here, tell me.

Something I didn't like.

Did he yell at you?

Worse. He told me a lie.

Oh, Stanley, I don't believe that.

Who are you going to believe, him or
someone who gets a B on her composition,

Honesty is the Best Policy?

You wrote a composition on honesty?

Yeah, don't you remember?

You helped me write it.

Well, that's true. Honesty is the best
policy.

You should have gotten an A on that
composition.

What was the line that Archie told you?

She said he was going to sing with me.

brushes. But now without a father, I
can't even be in the contest.

Oh, listen, don't worry. I'll buy you a
set of paints.

All the kids' fathers could buy them
paints and brushes, but it's not the

as winning one.

Well, you want me to talk to him for
you?

It won't do any good. Well, it can't
hurt to try.

He doesn't like taking care of me.

Oh, it's you.

Geez, I thought you'd be in the
storeroom by now.

Listen, Arch, I would like to talk to
you about that father and daughter

Oh, no, no. Look, it's a contest.

The kid can't get into it without you.
No, Murray absolutely needs to know.

All you have to do is one... No, no.

I ain't gonna go up there, sit around
all night, listen to a bunch of kids

murder the music language.

And through them things, Murray, God...

There's some peanut over here scraping
away at a cello.

And another one over there making out
like she's a gypsy dancer banging her

tangerines against a little keister.

Besides, I don't want to go out in the
rain.

What rain?

Don't you know it always rains on them
parents' nights?

The whole school smells like rubber
coats and galoshes and wet wool. It

nauseates me.

Mom, I said no.

It's final.

Please. Come on. I'll see you back at
the bar.

I don't get you.

Did you hear that?

I'm sorry, baby.

No.

I got an idea.

What?

Well, no, I can't sing.

But I could play for you.

Would you?

Now, would your school let me fill in as
your father?

Well, the teacher said it was okay for
Uncle Archie to fill in.

So why not you?

I'll ask her tomorrow.

Okay.

You know something, Steph?

I wish I was your father.

I'd love having a little girl like you.

I wish you were, too.

You love me more than Uncle Archie.

That's right.

Not bad.

Even I like that one.

See? That only goes to prove that music
has charms to soothe a savage breast.

That's beautiful, Mr. Bernard.

What does it mean?

Don't you understand the English
language?

Huh?

Boy, Hank, you're a dope.

Haven't you ever seen those pictures in
the National Geographic?

There's always a native band.

playing the hollow coconuts, while the
lady savages are standing around having

their bazoom charm?

That's what they mean when they say,
music charms the savage breast.

Shakespeare played the coconuts?

Then let this guy vote.

You're wrong, Barney. The line was by
William Congreve, and it goes, music has

charms to soothe.

A savage breast.

Oh, I didn't know it if you said it that
way.

History and our friendship, you know
that?

Hey, Murray, Murray, do you know love is
just around the corner?

No, but I'll get my hat and go with you.

Mr. Klein.

Yes, sir.

Can you play something sad? I'm peeling
onions.

Come on, will you? There's enough
hilariously over there.

Harry, get up your butt and get behind
the bar, will you?

Okay, okay. Harry, can you come over
here, please, and help me count these

Oh, well now.

What's bothering you?

There's nothing bothering me, Harry.

Why do you have to go with the kid to
that parent's night?

I'm going to play for her.

Why do you have to play for her?

Well, is she going to sing a cappella?

No, she's going to sing always.

A cappella means she's got to sing
without a piano.

So let her sing without a piano.

Do you want her to lose?

How do you know she's going to lose?

Ask the guy.

She's going to lose.

See?

Yeah, but, Jose, there's one thing that
you ain't taught her.

What the hell does that mean?

That means sticks and stones can break
my bones, but ain't gonna hurt.

I'm gonna ship this guy back to
Nicaragua with the bananas and the

No, you're not.

Yeah, take a fire.

You gonna hire a citizen for an extra
$50 a week?

I'll give him another chance.

And stop giving him the... What, do you
want to let him give me the...

No, he can't do that. Okay.

I'll do that. I'm your partner.

Hey,

Arch. Why don't you go up to the school
with the kid? You'll love it. Come on,

will you? Give me a break. Why do the
schools have to get us all mixed up with

that kind of crap all...

Why do I have to go out on a rainy night
and go sing for a paint set?

The paint set isn't for you.

Winning is the thing. Doing something
important.

I'll let her paint the kitchen.

Didn't you want your bowling team to win
that disgraceful -looking trophy you

got? Hold it, hold it. That's a very
beautiful trophy.

Silver -plated bowling ball.

Being held aloft by a naked lady with a
clock in her navel.

Murray, that ain't a beautiful item.

I don't know what's beautiful.

It's okay, Uncle Murray.

My teacher said it's okay. Your teacher?
She did say it was okay.

Hold it, hold it.

Just hold it.

What's okay?

Marie can play piano for me and be my
father on Father and Daughters Night at

school. That's right. Now we've got to
do some rehearsing, get you the right

kind of dress.

Hold it, hold it. There's a flag on the
play here.

I'm going to be there, Marie.

He's not?

Oh, no, he don't need to be there
because I decide to sing with you after

What made you change your mind?

Well, he likes to take care of you.

But what about you?

I told the teacher you were going to
play piano for me.

Listen, let me ask you something. Is
there any rule against a girl having two

fathers?

two fathers, and Annabelle Fitch has
three mothers.

Well, then I'm going to play for you.

Wait a second, Arch.

Can I join you, too?

Well, I didn't know he was coming to
part.

Dear.

Dear, you come on and play the piano for
us. Only, uh, don't play so loud. We'll

just play all the singing.

right. It's in the bag. Come on. We got
to rehearse and especially you.

Bates do? She played the violin and her
father accompanied her on the flute.

Uh, some terrible duet by John Philip
Mozart.

Okay, so you didn't win first prize.

What'd you get for second?

Oh, I didn't get second neither.

I was won by some Italian kid in a role,
man, by the name of Cantino.

What'd they do?

They played Amapola on twin accordions.

And you'd think of anything.

and voice on an accordion and amapola.

Yeah, Lady of Spain. Oh, yeah.

Oh, well, you know how it is. The fix
was in there. Them prizes is always won

the kids whose parents is running up to
the school for them PPT meetings.

Anyway, guys, Stephanie was heartbroken.
Oh, yeah.

She went to the ladies' room.

Now, get some food down that kid and get
him home.

I stuck to you in there?

of your office. Come on, I've got to get
you something to eat and get you home

to bed, huh?

Steffi, we don't care whether you won or
not. We want to hear you song.

Yeah!

I feel like singing.

You want to do it.

No good.

Steffi.

Says who?

We didn't win, did we?

As long as you do the best you can,
nobody can ask for more.

And what's the difference if you didn't
win?

Winning isn't everything.

Yeah, well, you know, losing ain't
nothing either.

But hey, it's over, kids. Forget it.
That's life.

Judges are bored.

Frankly, Steph, I thought that you were
the best.

Right, Arch?

Yeah, certainly she was the best.

Come on.

Let's show them, huh?

to do