Original subtitles

Okay.

with the long story.

I'm sorry. I thought you were my long -lost son who I haven't seen since

breakfast.

Oh.

I made the matzo ball soup just the way you told me, and it's delicious.

If you don't have trouble with gas, it's delicious.

It's so delicious, I was hoping that you and your sister would change your mind.

I love doing it for you.

And it's fun cooking for the Jewish family.

on her death was found to have no brain.

And just before she died, they elected her to Congress from Nebraska.

I told Rabbi Jacobs about our first Shabbat dinner. He said you're a

lady.

Did you tell him that she was gonna...

That's kind of a record for you.

Don't the table look pretty?

Well, I think it's too much fuss, you know. I mean, they had to roll all the

fancy dishes in the glasses. All for you, kiddo.

I wrote out a Jewish prayer for you to say at dinner, Uncle Archie. Hold it,

hold it, hold it. A Jewish prayer for me to say? I ain't gonna do that.

Well, come on, will you? I mean, if the Lord up there was to hear Archie Bunker

saying a Jewish prayer.

You'd think I was pulling some kind of a fast one.

Please, Uncle Art.

Would

you

kindly explain to her why she mustn't?

You'll learn this crap polar very young.

All right, all right, all right.

All right, all right, all right. I'll say it, but I draw the line at wearing

of them beanies.

Don't, don't, don't. Stop that. Stop that.

Here's the book.

Well, what the hell did they do? Set it to music?

sing it in that need.

Oh, I'll get it. I'll get it. I'll get it. I'll get it.

Hold it. Hold it. Hold it. Stop.

Don't open that. Don't open that.

Gee, the way the two of yous race over to that door.

Every time the bell rings in this house, yous two make it look like a jailbreak.

Archie Bunker. Hello.

Hi, hi, hi.

Uh, that's hello in Gentile.

Nice to meet you, Mr. Bunker. Oh, well, hey, likewise, I'm sure.

To the hostess, tweet to the tweet.

Oh, Murray, thank you.

You should know.

What do you mean?

Sure he should. And while he was at it, he should have brought something for the

host, too, huh?

Get out of there. Get out of there. That's for the young lady here. Oh,

you. Yeah, no, not there, love.

Go to the chairs, huh?

Okay, that's fine.

So,

uh, how long have you two been, uh, what do you call, uh, together?

Oh, gee.

We've been dating for three months.

past the awkward state.

That's nice.

Well, I couldn't say either. I don't know what they've been doing.

Mind your own business.

Now I know.

Archie, is there an I .O .J.

here? Huh?

Edith's trying to say that there's a child here, so watch your conversation.

Do I have time to freshen up before dinner, please?

She wants to go to the toilet, Edith.

The powder room.

Oh, well, take your pick.

But it's right at the head of the stairs there.

You can't miss it. It's the door with the no knob on it.

Oh, well, not there, Murray. There's other chairs.

Well, well, well, you sly dog.

How come you never brought that swell -looking number around to the saloon?

Oh, Murray, she's a lovely girl.

Yes. I'll bet your mother's very pleased.

My mother thinks it's a sin for me to date girls who aren't Jewish.

Well, it is, but lie to your mother.

I always do.

She doesn't know that I'm going with Ruthie.

Oy vey.

What did you say?

I know what it means, but why did you say it?

for dingbat.

That's the third thing I've learned today.

Edith, I hate to do this to you, but I think it's best for everybody for Ruthie

and me to leave right now.

Ain't this a howl? A grown -up man is scared of his mother.

You don't know my mother. Ruthie, please, hurry up!

Well, my mother never told me who to go out with. No, your father did.

Ruthie, please, hurry up!

Uh -oh.

Well,

I don't see nobody racing for the door now.

Well, go on, then.

Then you don't.

Come right in. Hello. I'm Edith Dunker. I'm Rose Klein.

This is Tante Gusty. How do.

I mean, shalom.

She's saying hello. I heard that.

you care.

Where's the girl?

She's up in the toilet.

We heard that.

Oh, uh, Tante Gussie, ma.

Can I meet my friend here? My partner, Archie Bunker.

Mama. So you're Archie Bunker? Yeah. That's who I am.

Murray told me all about you. Oh, yeah? Well, he told me a lot about you, too.

Murray's got a big mouth.

Well, everybody sit down. Yeah, yeah, everybody sit down. Sure, yeah, go

Sit down.

Except I usually sit there.

Well, you can sit there.

The day you were born, I didn't know you were coming.

But I was there.

See what I mean?

I'm a little scared of myself.

Nice shape.

Sissy dresser, huh?

Tell me, tell me, where did you two meet, Miss Mendel?

It's not Mendel. It's Kendo.

Kendo.

The name is not... Not what, Ma?

Not... No, Ma, it's not a Jewish name.

Yeah, that's right, Mom. She's one of ours.

Mama. You all right, Mama? I'm all right. I'm all right. I'm better than

right. I'm fine and dandy. Good.

I'm sorry, Mrs. Klein.

What's to be sorry? You're such an adorable girl.

Thank you.

My mother thought Murray was adorable, too.

Oh, ho, ho.

So she already brung you all... over to meet her mother, huh?

That's right.

Well, I guess we know what that means, huh, Mom? Oh, they

went out on a date.

Big deal.

Well, it could be a big deal there, Tonto.

These two, they've been doing their number now for three months and... Four

days, which is a lot of nights.

Archie. Well, so, it's nice he got a steady girlfriend.

Sure. Hey, I'm all for that.

Romance, you know.

Marriage. Hey, they could have a family.

You're still up to that, ain't you?

Why don't you behave?

I'm only interested in the family, the kids.

How would you raise the kids there, Ruthie, Jewish or our way?

All right, all right.

I'm all right.

Why does she keep hitting me?

It's better than throwing water on you.

Maybe I'd better get dinner on. Can I help you, Mrs. Bunker? Are you sure you

feel like it? I'd love to.

Yeah, let her help. She don't want to sit with us no more.

Now watch with the face on you.

There ain't much to do.

Would you like to sit down? I'd like to drop dead.

Hey, how could he do this to his own mother?

Well, let me get you a glass of water.

I don't need water. I could use a little schnapps, please.

Sure.

What's that?

It's booze, whiskey.

Oh, sure.

His father's not here.

If he were alive, he'd drop dead.

Good, he's dead already.

Children, children.

Sometimes I think God put them on Earth just to aggravate their mothers.

Children are sweet. I love children.

Sure, you don't have any.

A real daughter in California.

No son?

No. No wonder you love children.

I think my Murray takes those chicks out just to upset me.

Mrs. Klein, I don't think it's important what a person's religion is.

It don't matter what church they go to.

a vote, or anything.

Remember that story in the Bible? She was a Ruth, too. She said, I

go where you goeth, and your people will be my people.

And that Ruth was a Gentile, too.

You're a good person, Mrs. Bunker.

What a shame you're not Jewish.

We could use someone like you.

Mrs. Klein, I think Murray and Ruth are very happy together.

Why should you let their happiness make you so unhappy?

Because it's wrong.

What if they do have children?

What will the children be?

Nothing. Just a heen, just a hair.

Lots of people marry outside their faith and they have children.

My nephew, Floyd, he married a Jewish girl.

Did it work out?

No. But it might have if she hadn't been killed in a car accident.

She's their daughter.

Steffi is Jewish? Yeah.

And we all live together here. We have a fine time. Steffi's Jewish, I'm

Episcopal, and Archie is something else.

And we all love each other.

Mrs. Bunker, this is your home.

Sit here. Oh, doesn't the table look lovely?

Well, come on. Let's put on a kosher feedback here.

Not yet.

What are you doing with that on your head?

Come on, Murray. This is a dinner. It ain't a funeral.

Blessed are you. Hands up.

Don't holler at me, huh?

Blessed are you, our God, ruler of the universe, creator of the fruit of the

vine.

You're the Jew here.

I don't need that.

Amen.

Amen.

Gee, what a show -off.

Now, here's the bread. Pass the bread.

Here, Mama.

Here, Archie. Don't eat all of it. Pass them all. This is for you. Thank you.

You're welcome.