Original subtitles

No matter how many times I total it, until it comes out the same, business at

the bar last night was down.

All right, you told me that. Now, how much are we losing? I didn't say we were

losing. So what the hell are you saying?

I just said we were down. It's just like your intelligence. It's there, but it's

down.

Oh, I get it.

Ah, but even so, I don't put no faith in no gizmo like this. It's just made in

Tijuana.

Taiwan.

Tijuana, Taiwan, it's all Puerto Rico.

Say, Arch, there's a guy here who wants to see you.

Oh, well, tell him to come back at 9 o 'clock when we're open.

Well, he says he's an old school buddy. You know him well, so I let him in

already. You let him in? Gee, look at this. He's probably some deadbeat. Wants

to put the arm on me for a loan, and he lets it in.

Yes, sir. What can I do for you?

Archie Bunker.

Do I know you?

Don't you remember?

Well, to tell you the truth, I can't say that I do.

Oh, Arch, you disappoint me.

We were buddies in high school together.

Are you sure? I went to Bryant High over in Long Island City.

Yeah, and I sat in front of you during homeroom.

Phil Webber.

Oh, Phil Webber. Oh, yeah.

Geez, what the hell happened to you?

What do you mean?

You used to be black.

No, I've always been white.

Are you sure?

Oh,

I know what you mean. Yeah, there was another Webber. He was black.

Oh, any relation?

He spells his name with two Bs.

Oh, that's it.

Well,

as you can see, we ain't open yet, but can we serve you anything?

Yeah, a cup of coffee. Yeah, Harry, give us a couple of cups of coffee, huh?

Would you like a little boyfriend eye -opener with that in? You want to have

with me? Sure, sure. Yeah, sure, thanks.

This is my bartender here, Harry Snowden. Hi, Harry. And coming up behind

there is my partner, Murray Klein.

Murray, this is Phil Weber with one B. He's white.

Phil and me, we went to Bryan High together.

Yeah. Arch, I want to show you something. Yeah? Yeah.

Remember this?

Oh, for God's sakes, look at this, the old high school yearbook.

Yeah, that was the year we graduated, Arch. Oh, jeez.

Yeah, that's why I'm here.

What do you mean?

Well, I represent the committee for the class of 1940.

And they've chosen you, Archie Bunker, to be our man of the year.

You? Me?

Him?

Why?

Oh, hey, hey, come on, Phil. Hey, who put you up to this gag? It's no gag.

You're the man of the year. We've chosen other men before.

Doctors, lawyers, you know, distinguished men. We always reach for

Now you're reaching for the bottom.

I don't want to be fair.

Come on, Arch. What do you say?

Ah, well, Arch, you'll have the time of your life.

And these Man of the Year things, well, they're great for fundraising, and it's

an important cause.

Well, what is this particular cause?

A new organ for the high school.

Jeez, it ain't often in a man's life he gets a chance to make such a classy

donation.

Maybe they could name it after you.

How do you mean?

The Archie Bunker Organ.

No, I don't think I want to push my name out in front.

I better leave my organ monogamous.

It's more stylish that way.

Yeah. Well, when would you want to hold this affair?

On the 15th.

Whereabouts? Well, we thought of the high school gymnasium. We can't because

want to serve booze. And we want a place large enough to make a lot of money.

You're talking about making a lot of money. How do you go about it? Well, my

fellow committee members and myself, we sell tickets for $25 a shot.

$10 goes to the house.

And the rest goes to his organ. Yeah.

Well, I guess that's only something I ought to do for my old alma mater, huh?

Gosh, oh, let me be the first to toast to the man of the year. Yeah, sure.

Now, all we got to do is find a place to hold it.

Well, listen, couldn't our large supply room?

Sure.

Wait a minute.

Wait a minute. We can have it right here.

Here, right? We can honor the man of the year in his own establishment.

Could we do that?

I don't know.

We have to check with the committee.

They might go for it. Well, why not?

Listen, Murray.

Here, take my card and call me within the hour.

Hi, Veronica. Open up. Just a minute. I got a new telephone number here.

What do you want?

Listen, Thursday night the 15th, I want you to whip up a very special buffet.

What's the occasion?

The occasion is my high school class is naming me man of the year.

Hey, hey, hey, that ain't no joke.

I know a joke when I see one.

All I want to know from you is what are you going to serve on Thursday?

Thursday, I'll serve leftover corned beef hash from Wednesday.

These people ain't going to want to eat no leftovers.

They believe you're man of the year.

They'll swallow anything.

They made him what?

Man of the year.

Gee, that's me, though.

Veronica, ¿qué pasa?

Señor Bunker, nominado por hombre del año.

That's what I said.

Does anyone ever pick a woman to be man of the year?

Only if she's the wife of a president or a starving nun in India or the

girlfriend of a rock star.

Do you think we'll ever have a woman president?

Women don't elect presidents in this country.

Who does?

Guys like your Uncle Archie.

I guess it's hopeless.

Hey, Steffi, don't you ever give up.

Remember, we women didn't get to vote till 1920.

Who did you vote for in 1920?

Drink your milk.

Phil Webber, Enterprises.

May I see who's calling, please?

One moment. I'll see if I can ring his office.

It's Murray Klein.

Hello, Murray.

Hey, Phil.

What'd you hear? Well, I talked to the committee, and they thought it was a

great idea.

Hey, that is terrific.

Listen, we'll get the whole thing rolling. I'll see you Thursday.

Right, Murray. Listen.

It's going to be a terrific affair.

Bye -bye.

Well,

that's the last man of the year award this month.

Are they falling for it? They always do.

Next week at this time, we'll be selling condos in the Everglades.

Good night, Arch.

Oh, hiya, George.

Glad to see you. I wouldn't have missed it for a while. It was nice of you to

come.

Freddie? Freddie, over here.

Right here.

25 bucks.

What's your name?

Alfred.

There you go, Al.

Have a good time.

I'll tell you the truth.

School was the saddest time in my life.

I went to Flushing.

Hey, listen, Arch. We're running real low on bourbon, rye, and vodka.

So soon?

What the hell time is this?

Bourbon and water, please.

It's, uh, quarter past nine, Arch. Oh, Mr. Ben, no, it can't be.

I'm sure it is. Either that or somebody moved the dots on my watch.

All right, all right. Just crack him a couple more cases. All right.

Hey, Arch. I never expected this, huh?

Look at it. They're still coming in.

And this guy, Phil Webber, he's really raking in the dough over here. Hi there,

Phil. What are you doing?

To tell you the truth, I always felt unwanted in school.

Let's see.

Oh, God.

Merriam -Titans group. Oh, it's guilt -free now.

Oh, that's an improvement.

But let me tell you, Bernard was the only guy who, after gym class, he would

never take his underwear off in the shower.

He got married right after graduating?

He did.

Did you have kids?

Yeah, six.

Six. Wow. Well, Bernard, you finally took off your underwear.

Hey, hey, hey.

You of my age, you better hope you have as many friends as there's here.

Would you believe that all these people have?

Were my old classmates?

Knowing you, I expected a much older crowd.

Hi,

$25, please.

Okay.

You alone?

Yes.

Thank you.

Where's Darcy?

He's around some place.

What is your name? Oh, he'll know me.

I went to Groton.

Hey, L .R .G.

Al! Al Witherspoon! How are you, Al? Look at all the ballplayers. Yeah. Hey.

whole infield. The whole infield all together again.

Whatever happened to the outfield?

Struck out by that big pitcher in the sky.

Well, that outfield never could hit.

L .R .G.!

Guess who?

I can't guess.

How could I forget the most beautiful cheerleader of them all? Oh, God.

Every guy in the school had a crush on you.

Did you?

Me? I was gone on you.

You never asked me for a date.

Well, I was always scared you'd tie me down.

I mean, you had to roll. You was keeping steady company with handsome Hank

Walsh. Oh, yeah.

Good old Hank.

Did you ever hear from him after that?

lot from him. I married him.

Oh.

How is he? Dead.

I'm sorry.

Don't be.

Okay.

Well, what are you doing after the party, Archie?

Oh, well.

Archie, how's Edith?

But Edith is fine now, what do you call her? She'll probably be along a little

later on.

Who's Edith?

Who?

Edith. Oh, well, Edith used to be Edith Baines.

Did I know Edith Baines?

I don't think so. Edith didn't go to Bryant. She went to Bayside.

Oh, good.

And then she later became...

Edith Bunker.

Glad you're happy, Archie.

Thank you, Mark.

Where can I find a drink?

You haven't changed a bit.

I heard they made you man of the year. I just had a fear.

Oh, I'm not Archie.

Didn't you graduate in 14?

Yeah.

Flushing. Are you from Flushing? No, Astoria.

I think you're a liar.

Ready?

$2 ,800.

Son? Yes?

This is Archie's cup.

Would you bring it to Murray and have Murray present it to him? Oh, sure.

Thank you.

Thank you, sir.

Archie, you old son of a gun!

You haven't changed a bit.

I'm not Archie, he's Archie.

Nice to be remembered, Hodge.

Oh, excuse me. I'm sorry. Come on in. Come on in.

Enjoy yourself.

It's on the house.

No, I went to pleasure.

for just a minute. I've written a little poem about our man of the year, Archie

Bunker, and here it is.

He's as straight as a bamboo shoot and a spruce on an oak tree to boot.

But Archie never cared with what tree he's compared as long as it isn't a

you something, Arch.

Yeah, it tells me who's been doing the writing on a men's room wall.

I just want

to read you what's written on this loving

cup. It says, Brian High, Man of the Year, 1979.

Thank you.

It's real it is for me to see you all again after so many years.

I'll never forget it.

I want you to know, too, that we raised a good piece of change tonight, you

know? And it's gone for a very good cause.

It will always fill my heart with pride and joy to know that the students of

Bryan High School, when they file into that auditorium every Friday morning,

main thing they're going to see up on that stage is my organ.

You're doing it. Get your hands off me. No, no, no.

What's the matter with you? Don't call the police.

Don't be ridiculous. We've got to call the police. We've just been had.

Your classmate and his girlfriend there took off with the money we left for the

big food and liquor bill. And look what they did to you.

Now, give me that. Wait a minute. Wait a minute, Murray. Gee.

They made me man of the year.

They made you schnook of the year.

Murray, Murray, Murray.

You know that, and I know that.

Them people out there, they don't know that.

Let me talk to you, huh?

Will you sit down a minute and let me talk to you?

What is with you? Wait, listen, listen.

All my life I've been nobody, you know.

I could never make anything work for myself, you know, like I wanted to be a

major league ball player, but I could never get over the sand lots.

And in the army, I couldn't even make PFC.

But here tonight, you know, for the first time in my life, I'm somebody.

Oh, gee.

Everybody is somebody.

Oh, not me.

I... I tried to be somebody, you know.

I tried hard, everything.

I remember one time I said to my old man, God rest his soul, I said, Pop,

want to be somebody.

I want to be somebody even bigger than you. That's what I told my old man.

What did your old man say to you?

Oh.

He hit me with a shovel.

Mine left.

Hey,

listen.

We're taking a lawsuit.

A thousand dollars.

Or more tonight.

I want to take the fall for that. No, no, you're not.

We'll both take the fall together.

Why? Why? We're partners.

Yeah, but I got to tell you something.

When Weber and his girlfriend scrammed out the dough with all the dough.

Listen to all them swell people out there, Hayden. We don't want to

them, huh?

Come on, let's go out there and be with them, Murray, huh? Come on. Come on,

let's go.