Original subtitles

God,

when you look at us all, civilized people shivering like a bunch of poor

Canadians.

Well, I can't take it no more. I'm freezing.

Put another sweater on. The hell with the sweater. I'm turning up that

thermostat. Wait a minute.

Archie, Archie, get your hands off that. Oh, I want to try this. What do you

want to do, pay a $10 ,000 fine? How many times do I have to tell you we've

an energy crisis? An energy crisis. Hey, fellas, let's hear it for the energy

crisis.

See,

that beer is making me colder.

Hey, Harry, give me a shot of bourbon, will you?

See, Arch?

It's even good for business.

Ah, good for business.

If we don't start warming up this chain, all our customers will be going over to

McPhee's topless.

In this cold, the only one topless over there is McFeeney.

McFeeney's gone topless?

Yeah, a bald -headed mugger stole his hairpiece.

Come on, Murray, come on. We're there, you're wasted and needed, and she's got

the house down to 20. Turn it up. No, we can't do it. Look, the country's run

out of fuel. We've got to conserve energy, gas, oil, electricity.

I do my bit.

I haven't turned on the lights in my house in ten years.

Well, the Democrats, you know, they're making up all this crap all about

shortages, and you guys is buying it. It's not crap, Paul, it's the truth.

Ah, come on, the truth. You want to know the real truth, read the paper here.

It's all there in blue and yellow.

Yellow company, see?

They're running this company.

They're making all these shortages here.

Here's a guy from Yonkers, see? He invents a pill.

You drop it in the tank, add water.

500 miles to a pill.

No kidding, March?

When is it coming out?

Never.

Why not?

Because the oil companies bought the guy out. They don't want that on the

market. They're slipping $10 million.

That guy is now living in style over in Saudi Arabia.

They give them a 14 -room inflatable tent and seven veiled wives you don't

have to look at.

I'd sell out for that, too.

Then there's another guy here. He invented a fuel you make out of seaweed

chicken doo -doo.

1 ,000 miles to the gallon.

And this car lays eggs.

Don't be a wise guy, huh, Murray?

The oil companies buy him out, too?

No, him they shot.

What was the matter with me, huh? I'm sweating now. What does that thermostat

actually say?

It says what the law says it should say.

65.

Have a spot of this, Archer. It'll warm the cockles of your heart.

And my cockles is warming up as my extremaries is freezing off.

Take it easy. Take it easy. I ain't gonna touch the damn thing.

Keep it down to 65 if you want. These can all freeze your butts off.

I'm going home. Edith's making me a nice hot meal there.

I'll be back in about an hour.

Put your long johns on.

I feel terrible.

Why?

He took me for that tetanus shot last week. Oh, he told me that you didn't

cry. That's right.

I screamed.

It's funny. It don't hurt when you eat.

Edith, what the hell is going on? Why is it so dark in the house?

I'm coming.

Oh, there

you are.

Edith, why can't we let there be lights here?

Oh, I was saving on the electricity.

You're saving electricity, and I'm losing my marbles.

You're happy? Yeah.

The print I'm trying to get to, Wheater, I was hoping it'd be warmer in the

house than when I left here.

Oh, it is.

It's warmer in the kitchen.

Come on.

I got the oven on. You and the meatloaf can warm up together.

Well, I'll hop in the oven and cuddle up in a casserole.

A child sitting here in the dark. She don't even know what she's doing.

I don't mind. There's nothing I want to do.

What? A child your age with a whole golden life ahead, there should be a

things you want to do.

Like what?

Mike, go get me a beer.

Don't be fresh, but she's absolutely right.

Another thing, if you stand in front of that icebox there, you get yourself a

whole frontal frostbite.

God bless you. Are you getting a cold?

I most certainly am.

And I'll tell you what I'm going to do about it. I'm going to go out there and

turn up the damn heat.

You can put another sweater on.

Do you want me to die?

to help President Carter.

Oh, to hell with him.

He said that we've got to save energy.

Let him save his energy. I'm trying to save my life.

Let me ask you this. Do you think Jimmy would make little Amy sit in the dark in

the kitchen doing her homework?

And let me ask you this.

Do you think Jimmy is roaming around the White House tonight trying to find a

meatloaf to warm himself up on?

I don't think the car does eat meatloaf.

Who the hell are they? They're only from Georgia.

Oh, let me tell you something. I am so sick of Washington and all its whites

all them politicians down there and them congressmen.

and a congressman. Boy, I'll bet you won't find none of them congressmen

down their electric blankets tonight.

Because if they did, their secretaries would get up and go home.

Oh, Reedus, the Democrats is doing a whole... And you put them in there.

That's the face you had on you when you come back in the polls.

Well, the Democrats' way of running this country is to go tell us all how we

ought to make sacrifices.

God, they're great on that stuff.

But they're all going to have us over the hill to the poorhouse.

We ain't going to be able to drive over there because we ain't got no gas. We're

going to have to walk it.

Well, the Reader's Digest says walking is very good for you.

Oh, ain't that lovely.

To be this digest can always put a little joy into poverty.

Listen, my whole pain.

My whole pain is this whole thing with the energy and everything. This is all a

conspiracy. Don't you know that? It's a conspiracy there.

Listen, for years, all our lives, they've been telling us to go out and

stuff that use energy.

You know, all electrical stuff. Electric toasters, electric ovens, electric

stove. Electric stereo, electric TV, electric race, electric hair blower,

electric knives, electric every damn thing. Not to mention the cars.

And now, after all the big corporations there make the billions and billions of

dollars worth of profits, signals, wham, they're changed.

And after telling us for years that we can't live without this junk, now they

tell us that we gotta live without it. The country is going straight into the

dumper.

It's all but warm in here, ain't it?

Warm? You was just cold.

Maybe I should call the doctor.

Don't call the doctor. Open the window.

Edith, please, don't be fond of me. God, your sense of time.

I think I should call Dr.

Shapiro. You're all sweaty.

Wait a minute, wait a minute. I know exactly what's wrong with me. What?

I'm defrosting.

Take a cool step.

Yeah, maybe that... Oh, no.

Oh, jeez, no.

Ain't that funny, Edith?

For the first time in my life that I can remember, the smell of beer nauseates

me.

I should be here by now. I called you over an hour ago.

Why don't he answer his beeper? What's a beeper?

I'll tell you later.

Just a minute, Archie.

Go up and be what your Uncle Archie wants. And don't go in the room. Just

outside in the hall.

Oh, and don't breathe.

Was the doctor here yet? No, but they're...

so she won't catch Archie's giant.

I see. Only I'm not going.

All right, sweetheart.

Say goodbye to your auntie.

Would you stop everything and just sit down?

He's getting beeped. I never heard of that.

Oh, them doctors.

There's the doctor having his fun and the patient laying here in agonies.

Laurie is here.

Laurie? Where is he, Juan?

Well, he's your friend. He's worried about you. Oh, my friend, yeah.

He tried to freeze me to death down at the bar.

And you tried to freeze me to death here in the house? The two of you are trying

to kill me.

It puts me in mind of Clyde Foote. He tried to kill me, too.

Who?

Clyde Foote.

By Sergeant WW2.

He's the guy that said to me one day, Bunker, go into them bushes and see

in there.

And what was in there?

A German tank was in there.

You know, they even look alike.

Murray and Clyde.

Except that Clyde was a big six -foot blonde bowhunk from Buffalo.

How did they look alike?

Oh, through the eyes, Edith. Through the eyes. The two of them got eyes of a

killer.

Who are you?

of the man that wanted me to go into the bushes.

You think I better call my doctor?

Oh.

Oh, Archie, you're burning up. It don't help to keep telling me that. Have you

melted your ice? What?

I'm going to get you some more ice.

Your voice went through me like a nail.

Oh, hello, operator. This is an emergency.

My name is Murray Klein. I'm a patient of Dr. Flanagan.

I've got to get a hold of him right away.

Oh, I'm terribly sorry.

When's the funeral?

I'm sorry.

You want me to get that? I

didn't hear my

beep. The music at the Deco Disco was so loud.

Please excuse my attire. Oh, it's beautiful.

I love it. And Archie ain't himself, so he won't even notice. I'll go right up.

Well, don't forget your bed.

They beat him at the

disco. So he can't do what?

Good thing they didn't beat him in the shower.

any feeling for me at all, you'd crawl into bed with me and put your arms

me.

You wouldn't like that, Mr. Bunker.

Did you just come off a trapeze?

Without dancing. Open your mouth.

No. Open your mouth!

at the top. I'll just have to start at the bottom.

Oh, my God. This is terrible.

I want a second opinion.

Well, it's really terrible.

You?

From your father, the real Dr.

Shapiro. My father is still retired in Florida. Now, turn over.

Why? I thought we decided we wasn't going to do that.

That's a long time.

Well, five minutes isn't a long time, Edith.

Unless you're being examined by a proctologist.

It ain't supposed to hurt coming out, Sidney.

You're all good, Mr. Bunker.

I took a culture, but I know what the results will be. He has a strep

It's all my fault.

The house was too cold. No, Edith, it was my fault. The bar was freezing.

It's not your fault and it's not his either. You don't get beta hemolytic

streptococcus from a cold room.

Mr. Bunker got it from me.

From you?

When he brought Stephanie in last week.

I didn't know I had a strep infection until the next day.

And I sneezed in his face.

Me, a doctor, in my own office.

Oh, Sidney, don't worry.

It's all right. You didn't mean it.

Would you like some cookies and hot chocolate before you go?

No, thank you. Chocolate makes my face break out.

Oh, yeah, I remember.

Don't forget the medication.

That and the shot will fix him up. I'll have the prescription filled for you.

Shame on you.

I'm coming, Archie. I'll be right there. Oh, thank you so much, Sidney. Now you

can go back and boogie some more.

I couldn't.

Please don't tell on me, Mrs. Bunker. Oh, I won't. You don't have to worry

Archie. He really likes you.

I don't know.

Do you think he'll ever forgive me for playing doctor with Gloria on the garage

roof?

Sure. You ain't done it lately.

I'll let myself out. All righty. I'm coming, Archie.

Charlie's going to get your prescription, and now you're going to

Don't poke it. My skin hurts me. All right, now.

Steffi's staying overnight at the Blooms, and I'm going to sleep in her

What for?

I don't want to catch what you got.

Why not?

You're my wife.

Oh, I want to be able to go to work on Monday.

To go to work on Monday?

Whatever happened to for richer or for poorer in sickness and in health?

Are you forgetting them precious vows tonight?

No, I'll be remembering them across the...

I don't let the buggy fly.

If Richie D. Nixon was still president, my wife would be

sleeping with me tonight.