Original subtitles

It was boredom at first sight.

You could hardly call him bright.

He is no one's Mr.

Right. So what do I say now?

But then I'm not so ideal.

I'm not gentle or genteel. So the question should be what does he...

Well, I know it is, but it's not going to cost you anything, is it? Because

paying. Pamela, don't be childish!

Well, I suppose so. I'll just have to find out if Link can cover for me. We'll

do that, and I'll speak to you later.

All right, bye.

The only thing that you promised Pamela, he can't go. Business commitment.

Is Pam annoyed?

Er, possibly.

Pamela!

Oh, all right, then.

You're not... You're not funny.

I wasn't trying to be.

The woman's mad.

She certainly wasn't pleased.

Keep things happening, business. If your top client wants something in a hurry,

you've just got to accommodate.

David. What?

When you were in there, you didn't notice Sarah's green coat, did you? No,

didn't. Oh,

I'm sorry.

Davy was playing hide -and -seek.

I love it, Brenda. It's hot and they have wine for breakfast, just like where

that Shirley Vaseline went and never came back.

Valentine. Is it?

Well, I hope you sent him a card.

And then you'll have to go out and join her. Mother, I'm coming back.

Well, you go and enjoy yourself. You need a break. And it's OK by me, cos

got some work to do on David's boat.

I'm not asking you for permission.

No, of course not, no.

It's probably OK by David, too.

What do you mean?

Well, Pam leaving him on his own with the kids for a week and, er, Ros.

Oh, right.

Right. I think you're right.

Sure.

Mum, Pam thinks you need a holiday too. Oh, I'll go and pop you a coffee. No,

sorry, but it's not that sort of holiday.

the bike was labouring a bit. You had to pull over to let a funeral past.

Friends now? Of course. You couldn't help it, could you? Isn't it?

So be good. And you.

Bye, Bren. Have a good time. Bye.

Bye.

Now, David, Gerald and I won't be interfering with anything or anybody,

long as you give me a key, I'll not disturb people when I get in at night,

because it's usually morning.

Now, Malcolm, could you take this upstairs for me, please? The room next

Rob's, Pam said.

And don't you think it would be better if he stayed here, too, because there's

no point in keeping two houses warm, and he's very good at washing dishes, and

he can drop me off on his way into work every morning the way he has been doing

these last few months.

Pamela Lynch? Yeah.

And Mr. David Lynch?

I know you think she isn't. I know it says that, but there's been a change.

Of course, you do not have to explain. I understand.

This is my sister.

Of course. My husband.

Lifts are on your right.

He couldn't make it.

That's for him.

Enjoy your stay, sisters.

Should I smack him?

No, come on.

to the pool.

Don't worry about me, you just rest yourself.

What

are

those for?

Looking for talent, what do you think? Great. It was a joke.

Cool.

After a bit of the old ornithology, are you, Bren?

Well, Steve Seddon from our group came here last month and he said he saw some

great ones.

He saw a brown booby and a desert lark. Eh, well, you can put me down for both

of those.

What do you think about that?

Oh, very nice. But won't David miss it?

You can borrow one of Malcolm's.

And these.

What's that for? To stop your nose from getting sunburned?

You're going to catch your death?

In any way, I don't know why you'd bother.

I mean, who's going to see him apart from me?

Who indeed, Brenda?

Who indeed?

Now, what do you think you're doing?

What's it to you?

I should call the police.

You joke, that's all.

loitering with intent to burgle. I'm assessing.

What? I have to find out what's in there.

Who says?

What's it to you?

These are my son's premises.

Are they just?

Well, he's never here.

Who sent you?

A firm.

What sort of firm?

Felicitas. Oh, Peter, Lily, Burke and Creep. How do you know?

I tell him about this, and you'd better watch out. My son can be very aggressive

when roused.

Perhaps he's not hungry.

So, er... What are we going to do tonight, then? I've got work to do.

Yeah, and I've got exams soon. I think I'll have an early night.

Oh, I do worry about you, Gerald.

See, we've never had anybody sensible in the family before.

Must be a worry for you. Oh, it is.

I mean, all the others have all been sulky and argumentative and

but him... I don't think I do.

Well, I don't know what to make of him. I often wondered if it was... There was

something in the water when I was, you know, carrying him. No, no, before he

born.

Anyway, I've never had any since.

Children? No water.

If he's not coming, this will only get warm.

Oh, I could get used to this dress.

He's nice and affectionate, Nina. The tall one with the maroon jacket.

Lovely form.

What do you want, the usual?

Surprise me, eh?

Did you get through?

No.

There you are. I told you not to ring. Now you're convinced he's out on the

tile? No, he was there, all right. He was engaged.

Or somebody was trying to ring him at the same time.

Oh, forget home, Bren. We're here to enjoy ourselves.

What's this?

Well, I've got a Chippendale and you've got a Paradiso.

It tastes more like a paraffino.

Try the next one.

Who's paying for the money, Anne? Himself.

Oh, I don't like them.

To husbands and boyfriends, may they never meet.

Don't laugh.

Speaking of which, do you remember when Malcolm worked in the shop?

How could I ever forget?

And he had that mate who was a bit of a prat.

Terry Milton?

That's him.

No, he wasn't a bit of a prat.

He was a complete prat.

Well, don't look now, but...

I don't think so.

But where are you going? To the airport.

Oh, don't be soft.

All right.

But can we change hotels?

Oh, well, this one's paid for.

Anyway, he wasn't that bad.

I thought it was you.

Cameron, on me head.

Yes, he was.

I mean, I know you've got a tidy room, and when you put things in the dirty

washing basket, you always check the pockets, but the least you could do is

something occasionally to upset me.

You see, I've nothing to complain about to the other girls at bingo.

I mean, the least you could do is to occasionally leave the seat up.

Oh, Malcolm, has that dishwasher thing finished yet? Yeah, I've just entered

It took ages.

So? Oh, yeah, yeah.

Oh, right.

Oh, that's better.

Where's Gerald?

He went up ten minutes ago.

Well, why didn't you tell me?

I thought you were talking to me.

Oh, here she is.

Malcolm, can you fix that table in the window?

I came down to make coffee. Anybody want?

Oh, no, thank you. That stuff's poisonous. We'll have a proper drink

Now, you bring your chair over here.

Hey!

Now, come along, David. You know what they say? All work and no play. Make

something or other.

And while the cat's away, the mice can play around a bit. Yes, but I don't like

cards. Which is all the more reason. So come on, bring your chair over.

Nothing wrong with it.

Oh, good. So we can start straight away. Oh, really? I've got work to do. Oh,

just an hour or so to get us all in the mood. For what? Another hour or so.

Oh, good heavens. Look what I've found in my handbag.

You deal, David.

And I'll tell you when to stop.

One, two, three.

No, no, not yet.

What are we playing?

I'll tell you in a minute.

Five.

Six. Yes.

Seven. Yes.

Eight. Yes, great, stop.

Can we pick them up now?

Yes, we're off.

So what are we playing? Well, looking at this, I think, yes.

Gin rummy, ten pence a point.

Losers buy the gin.

Thank you for it.

I mean, it was obvious that those executives at mod shops wasn't capable

recognising excessive talent.

Even when I was displaying it right under their noses.

In fact, my promotion to senior management was stymied by one little

that you?

Yeah, it is.

Oh, no, it was more of a mutual sort of partner to Wade.

Anyway, me and him's a team now, aren't we, Frank? That's right. So what do you

do? Well, various.

Various what?

Things. We're into sort of promotions.

Like bubble -dealing?

Glazing. Any hand will have a thing.

Brushes.

Are you road sweepers?

Specialist brushes.

Brushes will have applications beyond the normal call of human experience.

Is your mind having as big a boggle as mine?

At least.

And you sell these brushes?

No, we market them.

You sell them on a market?

Look, what is it with you scousers? Why do you always have to knock anyone who's

got a touch of the entrepreneurial?

That reminds me, did you pack the kale in? Yeah, but I forgot the drops for

earache. What about face ache?

I thought he was with you.

It's all right, I've been insulted by experts.

You're on housing benefit as well, are you?

Yeah, you?

No, but she is.

Well, her husband threw her out for using the snoopy cuticle of the toilet.

You're all right now, aren't you, Pam? Oh, yeah, fine.

I've just sold the kids and bought her half share in a greyhound.

Get out of here.

It's true.

Well, don't take no notice of her.

Well, how do you think we could afford to come on this holiday?

My randy lad's just won three on the trot.

Just like old times, eh? Well, it's like riding a bike.

Yeah, well, I'm off.

Make sure these two are on theirs.

Where are you going?

She don't change.

She has, actually, more than you'd know.

Still with muscles, Malcolm, is she?

When it suits.

What about yourself, then?

What about it?

When it suits.

Maybe. But don't hold your breath.

On second thoughts, Terry, in your case, hold your breath.

Come on, Frank, let's go.

I don't need to come here to be abused.

Oh, no? Where do you normally go?

Simeon's.

What?

That's where we normally go.

Oh, right.

Lucky Simeon.

So you're not staying here, then?

No, no, apartment's down the road. We just use the pool.

Oh, and why not?

Yeah, we'll see you then.

Bye, Frank.

No joy.

No, I must be out.

Don't you want to find David?

No way. I've said to him anything serious, he can get me here.

Otherwise, I don't want to know.

So you've inherited them all, then?

What? Your mother's maternal incident?

Well, we're going to survive.

So?

So? So where are we going?

You choose.

Well, I don't know the place.

So we'll have a mooch round and see what's on offer, eh? All right.

I'll just try them once more, eh? Forget it. Right, get changed and let's go and

have a laugh.

That's one bottle of gin each, you owe me.

Oh, I've had enough. I don't even like playing cards.

No, neither do I. Let's play something else. Oh, really? I'm just going to

the drinks in. What a good idea, Rod. A new bottle of gin over there.

Now, Malcolm, where was it you found those games when you were rooting round

place this afternoon?

Oh, yeah, looking for something to amuse the kids. Yeah, over there. Oh, right.

Let's have something intellectual, shall we?

Oh, yes, here we go.

Now, you all know the rules.

20 points the garment.

Garment? Yes.

Have you never played strip scrabble before?

My name is Sharon.

What would you like me to do for you?

I'll make you a list.

Excuse us, Sharon. It's the first day out of the nun review.

Sharon.

Today is your first day here, yeah?

I can tell.

There has been no one so beautiful in town this year.

Oh, I bet you say that to all the girls. You haven't got a trace of Dunbar. No,

no, no, no.

It's not true, huh?

Here, for you, I'll make something special.

This time, on the roof.

Thanks. You don't like on the roof?

Okay, then. On the house.

Well, you can count me in.

So long as it's not a paradiso. No, no, no paradiso.

It's for Camel. No, for you. I make a ruby hanky.

A blend of the finest liquor.

You will find it like the teeth of the freshly opened tomato.

Oh, I can't wait.

Hey, you could make these and the grapes.

Do you want grapes?

Oh, no, no, no, I was just... Oh, never mind.

I'll get out.

And two beers, please.

Oh, it's all right.

Certainly, sir. And with the two beers, that will be 35 shekels.

35? Beautiful ladies have expensive drinks.

I'll give you later, OK?

That'll be the best offer you'll get all night.

For an organiser.

Oh, what a stroker.

A stroker?

A brat.

Oh, right.

Yeah, you've got to make allowances, though, haven't you? Why? Because he's

Hemel Hempstead.

Oh, you know.

What kept you?

Oh, just getting the recipe.

What a stroker.

Oh, come on. Let's drink these and get out of here before it finishes.

No, stay a bit.

Besides the overs one.

I'm not that thirsty. Oh, too late.

I'm through that beer, Matt.

Hello, girls.

Managed to find a thing?

Just an unlucky guess.

Yeah, I'll bet.

You're right. We're born, Matt, the kiss.

What, you've gone religious now, have you? We are now.

So you're still seeing a big fella, then?

You mean Malcolm, old God?

Malcolm. He's still working all hours for peanuts.

I told him, you know. I said, all that burning in Midnight Isle at Bowfence,

well, what's it like, then?

There's garage catching fire.

get up myself, but the old stepping up's left me a bit sweaty.

Anyway, where was I?

Oh, yeah, Malcolm.

Yeah, it was the best thing he could have done, leaving.

I mean, he was never exactly your management material.

Oh, like you?

Well, that's right.

I mean, if you ever thought about aiming a bit higher, girl, I am, for the

moment, open to offers.

That's really nice to know.

I mean, if you go for a walk down the beach now, if you like, call me down and

warm you up a bit.

Well, let's see, how can I put this?

Given the choice, I think I'd rather bungee jump off the leaning tower of

with a bunch of nettles rammed up in jacksie.

Five, seven, and a triple word. Hold on, hold on.

Mescal. I wanted to see on the double letter.

What's mescal?

Oh, well, I don't know. Maybe I should do something else. No, no, no, you put

them down now. Are you going to challenge?

Yeah, too right.

Well, I could put calm or calm, but it wouldn't score so many, you think?

Mescal, no.

No such word.

Go on, Joyce. No, wait a minute. Here it is.

Mezcal. A colourless Mexican spirit. Go say it loud!