Original subtitles

It was boredom at first sight.

You could hardly call him right.

He is no one's Mr.

Right. So what do I see in him?

But then, I'm not so ideal.

I'm not gentle or genteel. So this blessing should be what shall be.

Oh, it's a lovely country, Brandy. You'll love it.

Hey, do you think these shoes go with this top?

No. A lovely country, and the weather's glorious. And they're always going into

each other's gardens and having babies.

It's Barbie's mother, you know, barbecues. And they have long

being vegetarian and not cheating in their exams. You'd love it.

Mother, I'm not emigrating. But you haven't even tried it. I'm not going to.

Look, if it's the crocodiles that worry you, they're only in the know.

It's not the crocodiles. But I think one of those would make a much more loving

mother. Oh, now, Brenda, that's not fair.

Have you seen me tweezing?

You know, the one thing I've wanted for all of you is a happy life, an

interesting life, one that's not... Well, that's Murray, yes. Now, look, I

my children, all six. Three of you.

I mean, Pamela's settled with her... One and a half. David, and Gerald's got his

name down for the Navy.

Oh, didn't I tell you there's a receipt in my handbag?

Which just leaves you, Pamela, Gerald, Brenda.

So, fair dues, you've been back here a couple of months now. Five weeks. And

really, you're in danger of getting into a... What time do you make it?

Oh, what?

I mean, I'm sure that tall boyfriend of yours would take you back if you just

answered his letter.

He hasn't sent any, Mother.

And anyway, it's no good. I recognise you're writing.

I was only trying to help.

Look, I'll be going soon. I'm just trying to sort myself out. I might go to

London. Oh, now, there's a lovely place. And the trains leave Liverpool on the

hour these days. Have you seen my handbag?

No.

Anyway,

you take your time, lovey. There's no hurry.

Well, she's changing the lock.

Gerald, haven't you better go to school or something?

Not yet.

Isn't she a bit of a chush?

I'm starving. I can't go all that way in an empty stomach. You've just had your

breakfast. I'll blend it quickly.

Oh, I see. We'll open up a tin of something. I'll mix them up. Bye.

Look after yourselves.

But not too carefully.

Why?

Are yous not wrong with that breakfast?

I can't.

Only because you spent half an hour messing around with it and making rude

with the alphabet spaghetti.

It's in the washing up bowl and you can do the rest while you're happy. No need.

Look at this old cowboy's own thing.

Gerald, don't be stupid.

Right, Miss Jacobson. I'll tell him.

Mr Stoneway?

Yes. Oh, Mr Stone will be along in a few minutes.

Thanks very much.

Excuse me. Morning. Have you got some parcel string and some blunt needles?

Pardon? How did it happen?

He was being stupid with a big knife and a can of beans.

And now he'll have to have an injection, won't he? Morning.

I'm afraid you will need an architect.

That really hurts. Shut it!

Take no notice. Come on with me. We'll soon fix you up.

Would you like to take a seat?

No, I can't. I'll watch.

I'll be back in a moment for some details.

Come on.

Hi,

Brenda.

Fancy you remembering.

Oh, the 2CV manual.

Oh, it's great, Dad. I've seen the film.

So, er... How are you?

Well, you're not.

Pardon? What are you doing here?

Me? I just called to pick somebody up who I dropped off last night, who's on

nights. Her car's due for an MOT, and I said I'd have a look at it first, see if

anything needed doing first, so to speak.

Lucinda? Lucinda's car, yeah.

How is she?

Well, one of her brakes is a bit low, and the pump's... Lucinda.

She's very well. Thank you.

Oh, hi.

Um, Brenda just called with her, uh, casualty. Your brother's cut his hand?

Oh, dear. Serious?

I wouldn't lie to you.

The cut?

No, it's not that bad. Maybe next time, eh? We like to keep you lot in business.

Don't try too hard.

So, how was it?

Oh, she'll get through, but you are due for a service.

Would you do it for me?

Yeah, sure.

Right, well, you need to get to bed and I need to get to work. It's no good

without the manual.

I take your word for it.

He got your message.

Where is it? Wasn't that your fella from the council that's just left here?

How did he do it? If he fell off his skateboard, I'm not surprised. And I've

told him they're not allowed in the Navy.

He was only a tin of beans.

Oh, well, let's get something else in for tea.

Doctor's with him now. It's not too bad. If I could just take a few details.

Oh, right.

Oh.

Oh.

Are you all right?

I caught it on the steps in the main watsit. You see, I'm his mother, and if

want me to sign anything, give us your shoulder, will you, Brenda?

Sign anything?

Well, don't you want to keep him in? That won't be necessary.

What about you?

Can I help?

Oh, yes.

If you've got a hammer and a long nail there.

Aren't they marvellous? They can turn the hand to anything.

Oh, marvellous.

Had a good day?

All right.

You? Great.

Do you know I had lunch with Brian Jackson today?

Really? Came up with an idea for Friday.

Golf? No.

A meal.

The four of us. Where?

At his golf club.

Of course.

Well, it is the Royal Liverpool.

Remember, we went once before.

Yeah, when you two played all afternoon and me and Pauline joined you for the

evening. Oh, was that how it was?

Well, I suppose we could do the same again.

You're transparent.

We need a baby fitter. Brenda?

Yeah, I'm sure she will. Anything to get away from home.

She's not happy, is she? No, and she's reverting.

Malcolm had mellowed her out and now she's gone all acid again.

Well, she's not on... Oh, no, don't be stuffed.

She's as anti -that stuff as I am golf.

Now, don't be like that.

David, you must think I'm stupid.

I know all this is because you want membership at Brian's club.

I'm on the waiting list.

What's so special about it?

It's a championship course.

The greens are really good and don't say... What about the potatoes?

They're worse than her.

Maybe we should help them out.

Yeah. Who?

Malcolm and Brenda.

Give them a little push like the one they gave us.

Yeah. Haven't forgiven them for that.

Just a joke.

You could do it.

Me? Yeah, get him over to your office.

Show him your facts.

What on earth for?

Because it's the sort of stupid thing you'd be interested in.

Then suggest you go for a drink.

That's what you men do, isn't it?

It does occasionally happen, yeah.

Right. We'll get them there for about ten to three. Let them settle in. Make

excuse and leave.

Leave who where?

Oh, my God, you're thick.

Yeah, there it is. Look, there's the CCD.

Cash card dispenser.

Charged coupling device.

Scammed the document and the SIGs are digitised and sent to the modem. Yes,

well, we've got to keep the modem well fed.

For modulation.

They need to be mixed with the carrier to go online.

Oh, so you've got ECM as well. I wouldn't go anywhere without it.

Error correction mode.

Automatically retransmits any corrupted data.

Well, as long as Mary Whitehouse doesn't find out. Really ingenious.

Actually, Malcolm, I didn't realise you'd seen one before.

Oh, I haven't. Well, only pictures and diagrams, you know.

You see, my mother never cancelled me How It Works magazine.

Hey, did you know the latest laser photocopies use CPP as well?

No, I didn't know that, actually.

Thirsty? Pardon?

Do you feel like a drink?

Oh, please.

Now, these multifunction beverage dispensers are relatively

Beer? No, they're field coffee, each with or without.

In a pub?

Oh, you mean in a pub?

One with an FBD.

FBD? Fat Beer Dispenser.

Sorry, mate, there's no food after half two.

Couldn't you just manage a bowl of soup or something?

Well, usually, but it's Friday and what's the date?

Er, twenty -eight. I thought ten. I think you're too late. Hang on.

What are you on?

Empty. No chance.

It's the last Friday of the month. He cleans the pan.

Why are you here?

Nostalgia.

Hello, Harold.

Oh, it's a bit... Yeah.

Swing. Well, let's see.

Que nous recommandez -vous?

Pouvez -vous nous recommander des spécialités locales?

L 'un, l 'autre, l 'autre, l 'autre, l 'autre, l 'autre, l 'autre, l 'autre, l

'autre, l 'autre, l 'autre, l 'autre, l 'autre, l 'autre, l 'autre, l 'autre, l

'autre, l 'autre, l 'autre, l 'autre, l 'autre, l 'autre,

Hi, Brenda.

Hiya. What are you doing here?

Nostalgia.

Well, for the mess it was or the mess it's become?

Both. Can I get you a drink?

No, thanks. I'm on my way. Well, come on.

For old time's sake.

All right, I'll have a bocker and lime.

How's Pam?

Blossoming. This morning I left her cleaning the fridge.

I told her the physics O -level had come in handy one day.

That's 287 plates.

All right. There you go, Harold.

Now, keep the change.

Oh, charlotte. I mean, messy, messy.

Well, here we are, then.

Back full circle.

To square one.

This is where you two first met.

I know, I was there at the time. So was I.

Conversation hasn't improved much, either.

I've just remembered something.

I must ring the office.

Excuse me.

I like your hair.

You're the only one.

So, how's Lucinda?

Oh, fine.

Fine.

She needs a service.

The Requiem's nice.

Brenda. Sorry.

So, do you fancy her, then?

Well, you know.

I don't. That's why I asked.

Well... Yeah, it has changed this place, hasn't it?

So have we.

You think so?

But we're still friends.

Well, why shouldn't we be?

Exactly. Why shouldn't we be?

I asked first.

Well, some people fall out, don't they, when they fall out? True.

I mean, permanently.

But we haven't. We're still friends.

You did mention that.

But we've changed.

And that.

I mean, although we've come round full circle to where we started at the

beginning, Sort of.

I mean, it's not really the same, is it?

After all, when you've lived with somebody else who's not your mother, and

you go back to live with your mother after living with somebody else who's

well, it's bound to be a bit different, isn't it?

Well, not that different, actually, Malcolm. My mother does a similar line

confusion.

Look, I'm terribly sorry. Something's just cropped up.

Will you be OK, Malcolm, if I shoot off?

Oh, yeah, sure. I'll get the bus, yeah. Right.

Well, I'll give you a ring sometime.

Bye, Brenda.

Ciao.

Au revoir, Pierre.

Off you go, lad.

You see, they did too, but that had a different ending.

Who did what?

Pam and David came here when they first started to... Well, before they got...

Well, they had to get... Not that they wouldn't have got married anyway, but

they're all right now, aren't they? Do you reckon?

Yeah, well, they seem to have got over the last little difference.

Thanks to me.

What, you fixed things?

Yeah. And it looks like he's trying to get his own back.

What do you mean?

He wants it back at the office. It's a bit feeble, really.

Well, he's been set up.

Interfering beggars.

He invited me across to look at his fax.

Oh, no, not to come up and see my fax routine.

But I've done it before.

No idea.

I think Sasha Distillery wants to close.

Yeah, are you working this evening?

No. It's my night off.

Yeah.

No, no, I don't even.

Well, you used to sometimes.

Yeah, not anymore.

Life's too short, isn't it?

Some people manage to drag it out longer than others.

I was thinking of going to pictures tonight.

Oh, I was thinking of going for a meal.

So, are you off back to work?

Yeah.

You're off home, are you?

What do you think?

Pardon? It took ages to defrost.

Oh, yeah, right. It's lovely.

You should do it more often.

Yeah. Mind, everybody says that.

So? What?

Tell me.

You should defrost the fridge more often.

What happened?

What happened with Brenda?

Of course. What were they like together?

All right.

They didn't bite.

Oh, brilliant.

But nor did they fall over each other.

David, you were setting off a reconciliation, not making a couple of

They were friendly, but... Well, I just left them to it.

You're hopeless.

You should have helped things along a bit.

You don't understand.

Yep.

Anyway... It's looking good.

What is?

Well, I wasn't going to say, but he did ring me afterwards.

To say how it went?

To ask me something.

What?

He insisted it was in confidence.

Well, you and I don't have secrets from each other, do we?

Not normally, no.

What? No, we don't.

Right, well, let's keep it that way.

But I know what he meant.

In the past, she's got hostile about him talking to us before he's spoken to

her. So we'll be careful.

I don't think I should just yet. Talk!

Well, he said that over the years I'd been a good friend and very supportive,

and that he hoped that in spite of everything... Oh, get to the point.

He asked me to be his best man.

Wow! Oh, wow!

Yeah, yeah, but hold on, hold on. He thought he might be jumping the gun,

is why I wasn't to say anything to anybody. What are you doing? He's

Brenda. Don't you dare!

You'll ruin everything.

Sorry, yeah, you're right. Honestly, Pamela, sometimes I don't know what gets

into you.

David. What?

I love it when you're forceful with me.

Well... David.

What? Shout at me again.

Get off.

New Zealand or was it Newfoundland? Probably New Brighton.

I don't suppose either of you feel you've had the call.

What call? Missionary work.

What, in New Zealand?

Well, we don't know that you can choose.

I'll make inquiries if you like.

Are you going out?

Yeah, but I'm coming back.

What about you, Gerald?

No. You sure?

Much of it.

Now, listen.

If you should decide to change your mind and run away from home, you'll need

some money. Now, if I'm not around, you'll find 20 quid under the coffee

the tea carries marked sugar.

Yes, she does.

Peggy Rang.

That hive of yours is still in her garage.

Oh, right. I'll pick it up sometime.

Tonight? No, not tonight.

But you are going over that way, though.

Maybe.

On your bike?

Train. Oh, going somewhere special.

A bit.

With someone?

Possibly.

Oh, now, Malcolm, if I need to get hold of you on an emergency, where should I

ring?

Mother, I'm a mechanic, not Dr Kildare.

Well, one of your regular customers might have had an accident. You know,

punctured his crankcase or something.

Bye, Mum.

Should I keep supper?

Remember, any loaded questions and I'll cut you off.

Oh, I love it when you talk, Dave.

Yeah. Do you want me mum?

No, you?

Oh, you got me just. I was on my way out.

Oh, are you meeting... Stop it.

Sorry. You doing anything Friday?

No. What's going on?

Oh, it's David.

He's molesting me.

Well, isn't that better than cleaning the fridge out?

Get on with it.

Could you babysit Friday, then?

Possibly. I'm meant to be working Friday evening, but I might be able to change

with Lynne. What time?

Well, we've got to leave here about half seven.

So, really, any time you like before then.

And if you wanted company, you know, you wanted to bring somebody.

Seven. Oh, no parties, Brenda. I meant just a friend.

I'll be there at seven.

Right.

Actually, we're going to this posh golf club with another couple.

Look at you.

That's me and David.

Pauline and Brian.

Sort of two pairs.

That's about to be your last chance.

I do know what makes a couple, Pamela.

What's all this about?

David, he wants to get into the Royal Liverpool.

Will you push him down the stairs and I'll ring for an ambulance?

I don't think I'm doing Malcolm a favour at all.

I'm surprised you didn't come right out and ask her. Really, Pamela, sometimes

you are hopeless.

Oh, goody, are you going to chastise me again?

I probably think this is all a bit too sudden.

He's probably right.

But I think we can make a go of it.

We do get on well together.

Though, if you need time to think about it, well, that's OK, too.

What I'm trying to say is, will you sort of... Would you like to order, sir? Not

just now, thanks. I'm waiting for someone.

I understand, sir.

That's quite all right, sir. There's no hurry.

Can I get you a drink, perhaps?

Oh, not just now, thanks.

Might help.

Well, I couldn't help overhearing, and you were little.

But it's not my place to say. No, I mean, it can be. I mean, please say, a

little... Shall we say convoluted?

Convoluted. Just a touch.

You're right. I get nervous, you see. I mean, last time I was... Under the

table?

Turned down.

Oh, I see.

Then perhaps a more direct approach is what's wanted.

You mean, enjoy your soup, will you marry me?

Well, a short preliminary would help.

Happy in each other's company, that sort of thing.

But once you go for it, go for it.

Right. Oh, might I suggest not too soon? You see, it's onion soup.

Is it?

And, sir, let's have a friendly smile.

Excellent.

Might I also suggest a Laurent Perrier?

Water. Champagne.

Well, that's nice.

But I'll have some ready.

Would this be the lady now, sir?

Oh, yes.

It's all right, sir. I'll bring her over.

Thank you. And, uh, good luck.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Thank

you.

Oh, hello, Lucinda.

Oh, well, this is a surprise.

Congratulations.

Oh, do sit down.

It's all rather sudden, I know, but, well, we just knew, didn't we, Malcolm?

Yes. From the first time we met.

Oh, that's nice when you know.

I wasn't sure. I mean, I wasn't sure Lucinda was sure, but I was sure.

I knew he was cooking up something for this evening, but he wouldn't say.

He's a wily old fox.

Mothers have an instinct about these things, you know.

And even now, when he came in, well, I thought, hello.

It's you.

Yes, you see, we sold that dresser ages ago.

You took it to Chester, in your sidecar with Preston. Yes, I know, yes.

Well, anyway, all that's behind you now.

You know, I think I might just have a sherry.

A small one.

Malcolm?

Oh, Malcolm, come along. Do the honors.

Have I fallen in his spell?

Does he drown me in Chanel?

Is he vibrant?

Is he out? Don't watch who I see in it.