All language subtitles for Watching s02e03 Visiting 1

It was boredom at first sight.

You could hardly call him right.

He is no one's Mr.

Right. But what do I say in it?

But then I'm not so ideal.

I'm not gentle or genteel. So the
question should be what does it...

Now, don't forget to water the
philodendron. Yeah, OK.

But don't touch the chamodoria.

Wouldn't dream of it.

If anything happens, ring me at Peggy's.

Happens? What do you mean, happens?

Well, you never know, something might.

Like what?

Well, I don't know, do I?

If I knew now, you wouldn't have to ring
me when I'm there.

How long's Bernard away for?

Till Monday.

Annual convention of barbershop choirs
in the Isle of Man.

Which reminds me, you need a haircut.

Oh, it's no good telling me that now
with all of them leaving the country.

They're not barbers.

They're all sorts of people. Oh, is that
so?

There we are.

Finished.

Marvellous. What is it?

Come on, I'll show you.

Well, come on, then.

What? Well, try and move the tally.

Whatever for?

Well, you're a burglar. Oh.

How did I get in?

The owner's pruning her roses at the
bottom of the garden. Oh, well, that's

silly. Everybody knows the roses should
be pruned. Mother!

Well, I can't lift that.

Well, just push it, then.

Ah!

Very clever.

Mercury switch inside.

Detects the slightest movement.

Fine.

provided the burglar doesn't happen to
have a pencil.

It could be out of sight, maybe
underneath the set or something. Anyway,

don't hang around once an alarm goes
off.

Is that so?

Well, I suppose you get to know these
things if you're fraternising with those

delinquents from across the water.

Oh, you mean Aunty Peggy?

You know who I mean.

Will she be going with you to Hilbury on
Sunday?

No, it's a club, too. We're away the
whole day.

Well, perhaps you'll meet someone nice.

Mother, I would have asked Brenda. The
only reason I didn't was the early

Because we have to leave at six and the
trains don't start till... Hey, although

I suppose I could.

Love letter straight from your heart.

I'll go.

The flowers for Miss Wilson. Yes, that's
me. Oh, how lovely. Thanks very much.

Oh, Brenda, aren't they beautiful?

Oh, golly gosh, Pamela, they are too.

Where are we going to put them?

Well, I just can't think of where to
suggest.

Oh, the bath.

And the mop bucket. And the washing up
basin.

And the toilet. Hey, don't exaggerate.

Now, where?

Well, you can just stand there and wait
for the others to die.

We shouldn't put them in milk bottles,
really.

But what about the teapot?

Stick a couple in the spout, one through
that little hole in the lid. Better

still, you can take the lid off and
shove them away.

Would you take care of them for me? Only
I'm in a mad dash.

What do you want me to do, nurse him to
sleep?

Just see if there's some jugs or
something.

So what does he do, this drippy David of
yours? Besides hanging around flower

shops the way other fellas hang around
betting shops?

He's a PR consultant.

A what?

Public relations.

They're setting up new offices in the
Albert Dock.

Well, I was never going to send you
flowers, though, sweeties, Brenda.

Unless it's extra large gobstoppers.

I wouldn't want no droopy Doreen sending
me flowers anyhow.

Is this them? No, we're meeting in town.

Hiya. Hiya.

Wrong drip.

Hello, Pamela. Hello, Malcolm.

Hello, Brenda. Hello, Malcolm.

Well, what is it?

Oh, isn't that...

Have you got some?

Quick as lightning, isn't he?

Well, thanks, Malc, but the only problem
is we haven't got anywhere to put them.

Give us your helmet.

Oh, very funny.

Have to be the teapot, then.

Right, I'm away.

If you two could finish off those
chocks, I'd be grateful.

I don't want to be tempted.

Don't you make you want to throw up?
Thanks, Pat. Give me a go to Sydney.

She's only gone to town, not Australia.

No, I mean Sydney. Have they made it up,
then? No, you divvy, that's all over.

You've got to transfer her out of town.

It's locked from the waltzing suit you
met last week.

Oh, I remember.

At Jumpers.

Yeah, thought you might.

What do you mean?

Well, you're not likely to forget an
evening being chatted up by super

Susan Roberts, and I've told you she...
Oh, come on, Brenda, let's not start

that again.

I don't trust you.

You've never bought me flowers before.

Look, Brenda... You must have a guilty
conscience.

I've called to ask you something.

Mind you, it can only be a slightly
guilty conscience looking at the state

them. And this Sunday, are you doing
anything?

I'll probably be in bed with hay fever.

The column count in this room must be
300.

Brenda.

301, counting yours.

We're going out to Hilbury Island on
Sunday with the club. A full day's bird

-watching. Black Red Star's been seen
there this year.

What? A Black Red Star.

It was in one of your magazines.

You've been passing them on without
reading them first.

Yes, well, never mind about it. Yeah,
well, I'll test you next time.

I shouldn't think we'll see one Sunday,
though.

You mean you'll come?

What time?

Ah, well, that's the problem, you see,
cos the low water's at four. So we need

to set out by six before the tide comes
in.

So we'll have to spend the night at
ours.

OK.

Great.

Well, we'll just have a quiet evening
Saturday, then, just the two of us. And

then early, um, early to, um... Oh,
yeah?

And where's the hooded crow?

Don't be rude.

She's spending the weekend over here at
me Aunty Peggy's nest.

So it's safe to ask me? What?

I'm only being invited because your old
girl's away.

It's nothing to do with that.

Oh, why don't you give Susan Rabbit a
ring?

I'm sure she'll appreciate a change of
burrow.

Forget it. It was just an idea.

Brenda, I thought you were taking an
interest.

I am.

It's just it'll be a really good day.
Take a packed lunch and a few cans. I

think you'd really enjoy it. The fact
that my mother's away has nothing to do

with it.

OK. What?

Okay, I'll come.

You will?

God, you change like the wind.

I was just testing.

And thanks for these.

Oh, it's nothing.

No, it's a thought that counts, really,
isn't it?

Well, it wasn't a guilty conscience,
honest.

I believe you.

I mean, when I say nothing, I mean, I
have to be honest, they actually cost

nothing.

What?

Well, when I got here, there was a
florist van outside and a bloke was

the back out. Oh!

Black Red Start started on Hilbury.

Who's right?

Brenda.

Brenda who?

Actually, I was about to tell you.
Auntie Peggy rang yesterday.

Right in the middle of David Jacobs,
till he can't say anything.

He had a long chat, but in the end I
persuaded her.

I said, look, Bernard isn't getting a
boat till midday. Simple enough for him

run you over first.

And then collect on the insurance.

Don't be perplexed.

After all, the air over this side is so
much better.

Don't know how she can stand it with all
that carbon dioxide.

I think you mean carbon monoxide from
exhaust fumes.

Yes, well, twice as bad over there.

Carbon dioxide?

Hold on, did you say come in here?

You don't listen.

You can take her in a chair on the prom.
Do her the world of good.

Well, they've got a prom and it's
longer.

What's that to do with the price of
fish?

Hell.

Malcolm, what's up with you?

You weren't planning anything for this
weekend, were you?

Nothing devious?

I don't know what you mean.

£1 .50, please, sir.

Here you are.

Thank you.

Anyway, I'll borrow our Pamela's moon
boot.

I'll probably need three pairs of socks.

Brenda. On each foot, that is.

We'd better cancel.

At least his phone.

Since when?

Well, just now. This afternoon I was on
the phone to Leonard and he said the

permit hasn't come through.

The permit?

Yeah. Well, you need a permit to visit
the main island.

Well, what did you phone?

Who? The permit man.

I think Leonard did. I'm sure he must
have done.

I'll ring.

Ah, but no, it's not only that, you see.
We misjudged the tides. We got the

wrong time for low water, so we couldn't
get out there at six anyway.

Oh, is that so?

Yeah, sorry.

Oh, well, never mind, then.

Another time, perhaps?

Yeah, perhaps.

Right.

So there's no point in me coming across,
then?

Well, no, not this time.

Well, maybe we'll go to the pictures
instead, then.

I wonder what's on.

Go and ask Cedric if he can borrow his
paper.

Can I borrow your paper for a minute?

Why, is the drink dead?

I'll get one in for him, will you?

I must hope for a feeder.

Just stack the three. There you go.
Thank you.

Stop.

Well, now, let's see. What is there?

Now, of course, you wouldn't want to be
stuck inside if it's a lovely day.

I wonder what it's going to be like.

Here we are. Page two. Weather report.

Oh, and what's this?

Tides. Low water. Liverpool Bay.

0400. What?

Amazing. Isn't that strange? It seems
you were right all along.

Oh. I wonder how you could have got
confused.

Unless, of course, you've set something
up with Susan Rabbit.

Don't be soft.

I'd have to be soft to fall for all this
bull you've been giving me about tides

and permits.

Do you think I came down in the last
shower?

You're up to something, Stoneway, and
it's got to smell of slaggy Susan about

it. No, no, Brenda, listen.

No, you listen.

I'll be round at your house at three o
'clock tomorrow, as arranged.

And on Sunday morning, we'll get up
early and trek out to Hilbury.

And if that great -chested cuckoo should
stick her beak over the horizon...

I'll tell you just one thing.

You and I can have adjacent beds.

In intensive care.

No, no, no, not her.

Lid in that house with the awful yellow
snow, Sam, at the end of Buckingham

Palace Lane.

Oh, you must remember her.

She had varicose veins and a sun on the
territorial.

It's my... It's my phone.

No, sorry.

I was talking to my sister.

Yeah, just for the weekend, fortunately.

Does she ever stop?

Only for meals.

Look, I must go now, Doris. I'll get
back to you later, yes.

Bye.

Good. You've been cornering on one
wheel, haven't you?

Only on Thursdays.

Pension day.

Yeah.

You can take me out in it later if you
like. You look as if you need the extra

time. Thanks. But not till rugby
league's finished.

Right. Well, I do have to meet somebody
later.

Mother,

I've been meaning to have a word.

What about?

Well, you know, tomorrow... Malcolm, if
you want cheese and chutney sandwiches,

you'll have to do them yourself.

Having an extra person here, especially
with that person... Well, I say no more.

I suppose I did ask her. Why ever I do,
I'll never know. Yes, well, talking

about guests... Blood is thicker than
water, but things are much better when

keep the river between us.

Yeah, well, you know the other day when
you said... Well, you sort of suggested

that Brenda might be going. Going?

With us tomorrow to Hilbury.

I did no such thing. Well, you said.

Hello? Interminable phone call, limited.

Oh, oh, just a moment, please. I'm
afraid Marjorie's asked to take five

off to have a gargle.

Hey, give it here.

Hello.

Oh, hello, Mrs Lloyd -Roberts.

Yes, my sister. Well, she is an invalid,
actually.

Can I borrow your moon boots?

Yes, if you want them in my wardrobe.

No, they're not. They're in my bag.

You should ask first.

You might have said no.

My face still isn't right.

Come on, love. You look beautiful to me.

and that cushion.

What? A pair of glasses.

A belt there, will you? I'll get me two.

It's just a joke. You're looking
smashing, honestly, kid.

Doesn't she? Yeah, she's great.

Great as in big and heavy?

No, I didn't say that.

Well, you could be right.

I mean, she is sort of short for a
poundage, but that's just distribution,

it? I mean, she'd be dead slim if she
was seven foot three.

What's she been saying?

Nothing, just how well you've been
looking.

Partly. We're taking a run to Chester. A
bit of shopping, a meal, then on to the

gateway. It's a theatre.

Oh, isn't it?

Take no notice, she acts dumb.

Very convincing.

Oh, well, if you're going across that
way, do you think you could drop me off?

Happily. She wants you should stop the
car first.

Oh, well.

Sorry, no.

Oh, go away. Don't be tight. You could
go by Mel.

Should we?

Well, it's a bit out of our way.

But you wouldn't mind.

For anybody else.

Oh, come on, you two. You know I was
only kidding.

For Wiley Gregory.

Malcolm,

I told you, no.

What? You have to make your own
sandwiches.

You're a big boy now.

So, Bradston Northern, coming back into
it.

We're back to square one.

Everything all right?

Yeah.

Well, I mean, no.

I mean, there's something I need to tell
her, but every time I go to her,

something happens and I can't.

And I know when I do, she's not going to
be too pleased.

Although I really hope she makes any
difference. After all, I have as much

as she has.

Is there anything I can do?

No, it's all right.

Malcolm, you'd better... I've got an
idea.

Hi. Well, have you checked the train
times?

Oh, well, that's no good. We have to
leave at six.

You'll have to spend the night here,
then. All right, well, I'll see you at

three o 'clock. Bye.

What's that?

I just spoke to Brenda. I asked her
over.

You what?

I have to stay the night because we're
at the start tomorrow.

But we haven't got room with the... the
old Sussler, eh? Oh, poor thing.

She can have my room. I'll sleep on the
settee. Oh, no.

Your mother will sleep on the settee.

I certainly will not.

Oh, well, I'll sleep on the settee.

I'll go.

Oh, it's quite ridiculous.

Oh, well, I'll sleep on the settee.

Hey.

Look.

You're not here yet.

Aren't I?

Well, who's this wearing me coats? I
mean, you're early. I've got a list.

Oh, God, look, stay here a minute, will
you? What's going on?

No, I'll be back in a minute.

Don't move.

Oh, the front door slammed behind me.

Well?

Well? Who was it?

The paper boy.

Oh, he's early.

Oh, where is he?

What? The paper.

Oh, he forgot it.

Forgot it?

At least he bought the wrong one.

Oh, Marge, Marge.

What? What? That pop forward.

He's twisted our fella zero.

I'm not interested in that.

Right, well, I'll just toddle off to the
station and meet Brenda, then. She

can't stay here.

Of course she can.

I thought you said three o 'clock.

Ah, well, he's taking me out first, you
see, and we're going the long way round.

You realise there's been screen sheets
on your bed for just one night?

So could your girlfriend stay for a bit
longer?

No, she... Hey,

are you two going birdwatching tomorrow?

back as a pair of you.

You might be right.

I don't know how I'll let him talk me
into these things.

Oh, he always had a way with words, did
our little Malcolm.

He knows doesn't he?

to stick to schedule.

Does she... Actually, I thought she was
supposed to be staying with you.

Originally, yes, but she was on the
phone on Wednesday and she suggested...

you all right?

Oh, yes, yes, he needs a drink.

In fact, we all do.

Look, there's an off -licence round the
corner.

No, Peggy, you'll get me into trouble.
Well, you needn't go.

Here you are, love. Half a bottle of gin
and something for yourself.

If Mum finds out, you tell her you've
bought it with you.

But don't panic. I'll decant it into
something else.

Anyway, thanks for your help.

By the way, how did you notice Brenda at
the door?

Oh, I guess.

After your pretend home call.

Pretend? Well, I wanted to watch my
rugby in peace, so I unplugged the

hadn't I?

And me and Bernard, we used to take our
little nephews swimming every Saturday.

Well, this particular time, he had a new
pair of trunks. I really don't think

Brenda's... That his mother admitted for
him.

Peggy, I really don't think Brenda's
that interested in you.

the ladder, you know, to pull himself
out. Do you like swimming, Brenda?

There's still a bounce in it yet.

Oh, guess what? It was so funny. There
he was, with his locker key on a little

rubber band round his ankle, looking
out.

Here's all your things, Malcolm.

You can wash in the kitchen.

There'll be no need for you to be going
upstairs.

Oh, spoilsport.

asking little one here to give me a leg
up.

Oh, that's right, love, thank you. Oh, I
tell you what, love, if anybody ever

offers to give you arthritis, tell them
you don't want it.

Oh, look at all that.

There you go.

Oh, Malcolm, could you pick up my Lucas
-Aid, please?

I've had a visitor.

Aunty Peggy?

Where is she?

She's in me bed.

Or rather, your bed.

She gets confused.

I couldn't wake her.

That's because she's got this habit of
knocking her sleeping pills back with

gin.

Probably best if you go into her bed in
the spare room.

Or you.

There's obviously far too much Malcolm
for this sofa.

I'll be OK.

I'll fight you for it.

On your own?

You'd better stay that way, little Miss
Jeroboam.

So where were we?