Original subtitles

Huh? Or.

Huh?

Or.

Yes, sir, I assure you that we're doing everything we can to reduce our

overdrafts.

Yes, yes, I do agree. It would be nice to revert back to the original situation

of people putting money into the bank.

Oh, no, don't worry, sir. From now on, it'll be full squeeze ahead.

Jenkins! Yes, sir?

What's our position on overdrafts? Oh, very tight, sir. I've just had our

managing director on the phone.

Oh, well, I think we might manage a small one for him, sir.

He's not applying for one. He wants us to reduce our existing overdrafts. Oh, I

see. And he's quite right.

Have you written to all our customers who owe us money? Yes, I have indeed,

All but one.

I said all, Jenkins.

Yes, I know, sir. Jenkins, I know you're new here.

But we have no favourites at this branch. People who persistently live on

people's money are nothing but parasites, and it's got to be stamped

Now, you send this man a letter along with all the others. Very well, sir, but

think you'll be sorry. Oh, why should I be?

It's you, sir.

Jenkins, how many times do I have to tell you that a bank manager does not

an overdraft?

He has a temporary inverse credit balance.

Rose, by any other name... Jenkins?

Sorry, sir.

And by the way, there's another account for the blacklists.

Cover Farm, Turner and Evans. Very good, sir.

Under no circumstances whatsoever are you to cash them another cheque.

Pay cash, £20.

Oh, Sid. Yes? I almost forgot.

What? We've got a cheque to pay in.

Oh, that's a novelty.

I haven't done that before.

Listen, I'm just popping out of the post office, so would you look after these

seed potatoes?

Yes, right.

Right, ta -da.

See you.

Good morning, sir. Oh, hello.

We're paying in today.

Indeed, sir. Yes. Allow me.

Oh, that's very kind of you.

We can't have our customers straining themselves.

Oh, thank you.

No trouble at all, sir. Just bung it on the table. Thank you, sir.

Thank you.

How much have you got in there?

Fifteen pounds.

Fifteen pounds?

Is it in copper?

No. King Edward's.

Thank you, pardon.

Potatoes for planting.

Oh, I thought this is what you were paying in.

I didn't know you could bank potatoes.

No, no, you see, you confused me when you said you were paying something in.

no, no, this is what I'm paying in. It's our monthly check from the MOOC

marketing board. Oh, good, I tried it for a substantial amount.

35 shillings.

You must have a very small heart.

Oh, no, not really. Same size as everybody else's, about that high.

I couldn't resist that.

Very amusing.

We've only got one card. It's giving milk, you see. What are the others

Best bitter.

Just put this in your account. Wait a minute.

I've got another one. I need to take some out. Very well.

Turner. That's it.

Clover Farm. Yep.

Oh, dear.

What's the matter?

You're on our blacklist.

Oh, that's good. I thought we were in the red.

You are in the red.

You're positively scarlet. Well, won't the one I'm paying in cover it? Good

heavens, no. Compared to your overdraft, this cheque is like a drop in the

bucket. How much is in the bucket?

£250.

That's not a bucket, it's a bath.

I think our manager would like a word with you. No, I'm not really dressed. I

won't bother him. Take a seat.

Come on, Sid, what are you doing?

Rob in the bank? We might have to, mate. He wants to see us about our overdraft.

Now, who would have thought this might happen?

I think a strategic withdrawal is called for. Come on.

Going somewhere, gentlemen?

No, no, just having a look round.

Mr. Benson, we'll see you in a moment. Just take a seat.

Thank you.

I feel like a condemned man.

Now, look, don't worry, Sid. I've been expecting this.

So I've made preparations.

What kind of preparations?

Psychological. You mean we're going to plead insanity?

Look, be serious.

Old Benson thinks we're going to go in there, tremble at the knees and beg him

for mercy.

He's dead right.

No, he's not.

The first thing we'll do, we'll go straight in and ask for an extra...

for an extra 500 quid. Now, that'll shake him. Yeah, right to his

Then we'll talk about the improvements.

Improvements? Yeah, the rebuilding.

Rebuilding? Yeah.

You mean that sheet of corrugated iron we put over the outhouse next door?

As far as he's concerned, that's an extension of the outbuildings, you see.

And the windows that fell out on the couch, that's air conditioning. Nah,

get... The main thing is to establish friendly relations, right?

Yeah. He was in the Royal Navy, so I'll give you and him something to talk

about. Yeah? Yeah. That's true. Yeah? Yes.

I mean, he wouldn't refuse an old shipmate. No!

And he's a member of the local golf club, and I'll get him going about golf?

And I'll compliment him on his cocker.

His what?

Cocker spaniel.

Yeah, yeah. Well, look, if all else fails, we'll invite him to dinner.

That's it. Mr. Benson, we'll see you now. Yes, right.

Here we go. Operation flannel.

Good morning, gentlemen.

Morning. Well, let's not stand on ceremony. You know us.

Vic, and I'm Sid. And I'm Mr. Benson.

Please sit down. Thank you.

Now, about your overdraft. Yes, well, we thought of taking out an extra 500

pounds.

That's very good, gentlemen, yes. That's extremely funny.

Let's be serious, shall we? I'll get you a file.

There we go.

Now then, cigarettes.

Thank you. I don't smoke.

No? Oh.

Very wise, nowadays.

It's a disgusting habit.

Now, about the overdraft.

I must say, it's a very nice office you've got here.

Oh, it's very nice. It's very executive, isn't it? Well, it's no more than you

deserve, a man in your position.

Yeah, finger on the nation's pulse. That's it, maintaining the gold

Stabilising the economy.

Bolstering up the pound. Gentlemen, this is the Fletchley Trust Savings Bank,

not the International Monetary Fund.

Yeah, well, you're still part of the great armada, eh, shipmate?

I beg your pardon?

Shipmate. Old naval expression.

Sid was in the Royal Navy.

Oh, really?

No, about the overdraft.

Were you in the Navy at all? As a matter of fact, I was.

Oh, there's a coincidence, eh? Oh, yeah, there's a coincidence.

Yes, Abel Seaman Turner.

Lieutenant Commander Benson.

Yeah, it's wild.

We were all in it together then, weren't we? I mean, to tell you the truth, I

missed the comradeship.

The runs ashore, up and down the gut.

Nelson's blood.

Those were the days, eh, shipmate?

I hated every minute of it.

Pardon? I was seasick in the Atlantic, washed overboard in the Bay of Biscay

torpedoed in the Mediterranean.

You nipped about a bit, didn't you?

Now, if you don't mind, may we discuss business, shipmate?

Yes, yes, of course.

It's all yours, Rick.

Well, I'll...

Tea off, then, shall I? That's good. That's very good. Tea off?

Yeah, well, the quicker we get on the green, huh?

Quite. Well, now, according to these figures... You are a golfing man, Mr.

Benson? Yes, as a matter of fact, I am. Oh, good.

Perhaps you can introduce me to the local club.

I don't think I shall be playing there again after what happened last week.

Don't tell me you caught the captain teaching your wife a few strokes.

It was the club professional. They ran away together last Friday.

Your move, Sid.

How's the dog? She took him with her.

I surrender.

Now, I really must insist that we discuss your overdraft, gentlemen. I'm a

busy man. Oh, of course you are, Mr. Benson. We realize that. And we thought

save you time, we'd like to invite you to dinner tonight.

That's it? Yeah, we can discuss it all like gentlemen.

Well, I rather wanted to clear it all up now.

Well, another couple of hours won't make much difference. It's our own produce.

Home cooking?

Well, it's no trouble. Trouble? It's a pleasure.

What about 8 o 'clock?

Well, whatever's convenient to you. Oh, lovely, yes.

Well, thank you very much. It's all right. See you tonight, Mr. Benson. Yes,

we'll sort out the overdraft after you've had a few.

He means after dinner. Oh, fine, yes. Well, thank you again.

All right, well, that's it, then. Eight o 'clock, right? Eight o 'clock. Thank

you.

Bye -bye. Bye -bye. Eight o 'clock. Yes, all right, well.

Bye -bye.

That's very satisfactory, Jenkins.

Very good idea, sending out all those letters.

I'm beginning to show results already, sir.

Yes, if I play my cards right, I could have free dinners for a couple of

Oh, sorry, am I disturbing the lady of the house?

I'll peel your ears off in a minute.

No, you look quite nice in a penny, Sid.

I think there's a bit of Fanny Craddock lurking about in you.

You want a murphy up your cake hole? Oh, no.

Stop interfering.

Might I ask what you're doing with that potato?

I'm peeling it, you twit.

Peeling it? You're demolishing it.

Look, I mean, there's more potato on the peeling than there is in the pan.

Well, it had a lot of eyes in it.

Do you think that's enough?

Yeah, I think so. All right.

What are you doing now?

Salting it.

Well, I wouldn't do that.

Go and lay the table. I'm only trying to help you, Sid.

Well, it says in the book here, put plenty of salt on. All right, all right,

I'll leave you to it then, shall I? All right, thank you. It tells you, salt

gives it flavour. Yeah, well, that won't. Why not? It's scouring powder.

Oh, come on.

Now, what are you going to do now? I'm going to check them out. Don't be

ridiculous. I'm not peeling any more. My peeling hand's seized up.

I'll wash them, that's all. You'll be all right.

At least they'll have a nice shine.

I'll tell you something else.

They'll be 99 % germ -free.

There we are.

Evening, Mr Turner.

Oh, it's you, is it? You got my message? I did, sir. It came as quick as I

could. I gathered the matter was urgent. It is. Life and death.

Let's follow me, of course, then.

Now, I understand from the lady wife that you like two bottles of her own

plonk. That's it.

Right, sir. Come in. Thank you very much. Good luck.

Here we are, sir. The wife's speciality, shut on earth to Fletchley.

What kind of wine is it? Rhubarb, dandelion, porcini, potato or

Correct.

That's what it is. Rhubarb, dandelion, parsley, potato and elderberry. It's a

sort of vegetable cocktail.

You sure you don't mean vegetable soup?

I hope so, if you don't want it. No, no, no, I want it. I'm only joking.

We've got our bank manager coming to dinner. We hope to persuade him to

our overdraft.

After a few glasses of that wine, he'll forget everything.

Very good, eh?

Just a minute. It says dandelion and burdock.

Well, it's not to be taken internally on this one, but I can assure you they

both contain wine, sir. The wife has to use any available bottle, you

understand. Well, of course. How much do I owe you? Cash or kind?

Pardon? Cash, 12 and 6. Kind, two dozen large eggs, or three pounds of farm

butter, or a freshly plucked pullet.

I'm very partial to a plucked pullet.

I am.

I'll settle for the eggs.

Yes, sir, right. Well, I'll pick them up tomorrow.

Thank you very much. Good night, sir. Good night. Thank you.

That's great, that is.

How's everything going, sis?

It's all just in go.

I've got the wine, and the dinner's on.

What little delicacy are you cooking up to a temporal Benton's palate? Well,

here's the menu. I'm starting off with potage de paise, followed by filet de

beurre supreme, sauté de la madeleine, and schwachs provençal.

That sounds fantastic.

What is it?

Soup, meat, spuds, and cabbage.

I prefer the continental version.

I wonder if this little gastronomic feast will be ready then. Well, I'm not

quite sure. I couldn't remember whether I had to cook the meat on two for eight

hours or on eight for two hours.

So I split the difference and I made it four for six hours.

You said I got to hand it to you, boy. You've got hidden talent.

Yeah. Well, there's nothing to it. You just get a piece of meat, bung it in the

oven, turn on the gas. Before you know it, it's cooked.

That's not cooked, it's cremated.

I wonder if he likes beans on toast.

Any luck, Sid? Yep.

I managed to whip up a beef casserole. Beef casserole?

That won't be very meaty, will it? There's hardly anything left from that

No, no, I've added some extra meat.

Where did you get it from?

Well, I wouldn't like to tell you, but it prolongs active life.

I wouldn't put it past you. No, no, no.

I'm only joking. I managed to salvage enough for one. So when you're dishing

remember, give it to him. Right.

Right, FHB. Aye.

Family hold back.

Yeah, that's it. And the same goes for the wine. Right. The more he drinks, the

less you're going to worry about the overdrive. Lovely. Right.

Finally, that looks lovely, doesn't it?

Very Cathy Royal.

Thank you, Sidney.

Where did you get the tablecloth?

Well, it's not actually a tablecloth. What is it?

It's a sheet of your bed.

My bed?

Well, what's the matter with every sheet of your bed? Well, that's him. Shall I

let him in? No, no, we'll feed him through the keyhole.

Can I take your coat? Thank you. I'm not too early. No, no, it's fine.

Thank you. Sit down.

There we are.

Thank you.

Thank you.

Thank you.

How about a drop of vino?

Oh, very kind, Bianca Orosa.

Pardon? The wine, is it white or red?

Oh,

it's more of a purple.

Yes, it is an unusual colour.

Yes, it's an unusual wine.

Oh, well, nothing ventured.

Yes, well, you're going to enjoy this.

Are you having a little difficulty? No, no, no, no, it's coming. Come on, Sid.

I'm doing my best.

Let me cement it in.

Should I have a try? No, no, no, I'll get it.

It's moving. Oh, good. It's moving, I've got it.

Well done.

Well, I'd be quite happy with a beer. We offered you wine and you're going to

have wine.

Can't get a grip on it now.

Push the cork in the bottle. Oh, that's it.

It's moving. Good.

It's moving.

I'm sorry.

I'm very sorry about that. Once again, you'll be all right. It's all right.

We've been turpentine. No, no, no. Thank you.

There we are.

There.

Blimey, don't get your taste buds going.

Thank you.

Aren't you gentlemen having a drink? No, no, no. We'll have some later. Go on,

knock it back. Cheers.

Cheers.

Anything the matter?

There's something floating about in my drink.

Well, you're all right, as long as it's not swimming.

It looks like potato peel.

Probably a bit of cork. Don't worry about it.

There we are. Crystal clear.

Thank you. Cheers.

Unusual vintage.

A bit presumptuous, is it?

Downright impertinent.

Here we are. Have a bit more. Go on. It's an acquired taste.

I dare say you're right.

Yes, well...

If you'll excuse me, I'll get on with the nosh. Yeah, I'll go and bring in the

soup, right?

Now, you'll make yourself at home, Mr Benson, right?

I wouldn't lean on that arm, if I were you.

Well, at least I haven't made a mess of the casserole.

Hey, I think they're winning, Sid.

Eh? He's not knocking that wine back. Oh, that's great.

Go on, get the other one out of the sink.

Well, we've got two more to go at, yeah? No, there's only one. I must be seeing

double. Eh? Look.

Dandelion and burdock, eh?

Not to be taken internally?

Where did you get that bottle he's got on the table? From the pantry.

What did it say on the label? You told me not to say any notice of what's on

label. What did it say?

Poison, sheep dip.

We poisoned him.

What are we going to do?

How do I know? I never poisoned anybody before.

We'll have to tell him.

That's it. Go on, now. How do we tell him? What do we say?

Well, I don't know. Perhaps we can work it into the conversation.

Oh, yeah.

Very good. Work it into the conversation.

Sorry, Mr. Benson, didn't I be a bit late? Can I pour you another glass of

poison?

It's only fair to tell him, Sid.

Come on, quick.

Quick.

Ah, gentlemen.

You all right, Mr. Benson? Excellent, excellent.

You know, I think I'm developing quite a taste for this wine now.

Are you sure you won't join me? No, no, no.

Wine doesn't agree with me. Especially that one.

Well, you know what they say.

One man's meat is another man's poison.

What? How did you know?

Know what?

About a poison.

Well, it's a very common saying.

Then you don't know.

Is there something the matter?

Tell him, Vic. Huh?

Tell him.

Oh.

Oh, uh... Hmm?

Yes.

Something's the matter.

Well, what is it?

Tell him, Sid.

Well, I wish one of you would tell me.

Mr.

Benson? Yes?

I've got some bad news for you. Oh, what is it?

Well, the... Oh, come on, come on. It can't be that bad. It is.

Yes, I second that. Well, I wish one of you would come to the point.

Well, promise me you won't panic.

Mr. Turner, I never panic.

Rest assured, whatever you tell me, I shall remain perfectly calm.

I second that again.

Inside the company, I'm known as Ice Cold Benson.

Remember that I'm a bank manager. I'm used to handling all sorts of crises.

Nothing you say to me will cause the slightest tremor. Well, in that case, I

think you ought to know that we opened the wrong bottle.

Is that all?

There's nothing to worry about. One wine is very much like another.

That one wasn't.

That was sheep dip.

We... we... poisoned you, Mr. Benson.

You poisoned...

Don't come near me, you murderous! Keep away!

Help! Help me! I wonder if we ought to

transfer our account.

Are you quite sure, Matron?

Ask her to check the morgue. Oh, shut up!

No, no, no, not you, Matron, no.

Thank you very much. Yes, thank you.

You didn't go to the hospital, then? No.

Perhaps he couldn't get that far.

Oh, that's it. Go on, look on the bright side. I've just been realistic.

I'm telling you, sir, I don't think anything's even happened to him.

We'd have known if it had, wouldn't we?

Ah, there you are.

Good morning, gentlemen.

It was an accident.

I am not saying a word till I phone my lawyer.

For all I care, you can phone the Attorney General.

Haven't you come but the bank manager?

I've come to collect my eggs.

Is that all?

Well, if you care to throw in a pound of butter, I'll not refuse.

We thought you might be coming to arrest us.

Now, what would I want to do that for? You haven't been up to any mischief,

you? Just a little.

We've committed a crime.

Oh, well, I shouldn't let that worry you, sir.

I know they might do things by the book in London, but I believe rules can

always be stretched, and we like to look after our own in Flitchley.

You're going to have your work cut out.

Well, I don't think so, sir. We have a golden rule in these parts. You scratch

my back, and I'll scratch yours.

Now, what little misadventure have you two been up to?

We poisoned the bank manager.

Well, I'm sure... You what?

Mr Benson, we poisoned him.

Oh, dear, you shouldn't have done that.

No, but it wasn't deliberate.

We gave him some of that to drink. We thought it was your wife's homemade.

Don't you like that sheep dip?

I don't think it is, sir.

What did she say on the bottle?

If I'm not much mistaken, this is a bottle a wife made up years ago for the

gentleman who had the farm before you. You mean we haven't poisoned Mr Benson?

No, but I think he may wish you had.

You mean to tell me that's not homemade wine? No, it's homemade jollop. What?

An old herbal laxative.

There's going to be a run at the bank today.

How do you feel now, Mr. Benson?

How do I look?

Dreadful, sir. That's how I feel.

Mr.

Turner's waiting to see you, sir. Oh, is he?

Show him in, would you? Yes, sir.

Mr. Benson, we'll see you now, Mr. Turner. Thank you.

All right, then, about last night. I don't wish to discuss it.

I have only one thing to say to you. I'm calling your overdraft in now.

Unless the bank receives payment in full, your farm will be foreclosed. Is

so? Now, just listen to me, mush.

According to your booklet, overdrafts are allowed or extended upon deposit of

the equivalent negotiable securities.

Have you any negotiable securities?

We have.

And what are they? Follow me.

Come on.

that 30 bucks.