Original subtitles

Too much pizza keeps you up all night. Let the Fizzberry make it all right.

I don't understand. How can they not want me back?

People love my act. The Fizzberry jingle always gets applause.

What happened?

Things change.

What things?

Fifteen years of singing on cruise ships doesn't just stop.

Ernie, I need this job to get this tooth fixed.

Why don't they want me?

Is it something I did? Something I said? What?

No, it's... They're going for a different market, that's all. You know,

So they're looking for, you know, younger.

But if you're looking for some quick money, I...

I think I got just the thing.

It's a fun thing, huh?

It's a singing waitress at a new club they opened up. A singing waitress?

Singing waitress?

I did not sacrifice everything to end up singing hooray for Hollywood while

serving up chili fries.

I just thought you needed the dough. What I need is an agent who believes in

And you obviously don't, so you're fired.

Get your star map.

Want to find the stars?

Got a road map on how to become one.

Sorry, lady, I can only point the way.

an old friend of mine.

Linda?

It's me, Tom.

How are you?

Tom, this is so strange. I was just thinking about you. I think about you

the time.

You still look great.

I look awful. I just got back from a European tour.

Wait!

It is her.

What's this princess?

A fairy.

This fairy.

That was a long time ago.

Funny, it seems like yesterday.

So what were you thinking?

What? You said you were thinking about me. What were you thinking?

Just what a wonderful accompanist you were.

Your dad is the best I ever worked with.

Tom's not her dad.

We both got different dads.

These guys are just brats.

It's part of my youth group. I'm a big brother.

Didn't know you had a noble streak.

I don't, but...

Big Brother sounds better than Lonely Bachelor on a Barstool.

Hey, look.

It's Vicki Sue.

We're going to see her TV show.

Tony got us tickets.

Oh, I bet he did.

VIP, no doubt.

Or is there an even more special affection for people who helped her

the top?

Linda, that was a long time ago.

Funny. Seems like yesterday.

Well, if you'll excuse me, I have a photo shoot for a French magazine.

doing an at -home layout.

Ernie, how much does that singing waitress job pay?

Who is this Uncle Cuddles?

Uncle Cuddles is famous because though he searched the world over, the only

pillow soft enough for a good night's sleep was a roll of tenderness bathroom

tissue.

Sharing the bill with the toilet paper star?

And the guy who played Mr. Halitosis in the breath minture.

Those were mighty high heels for a waitress job.

So what?

The fairy suit's so tight I can't feel my legs anyway.

This is not at all... Oh, the life I expected to have.

If anyone I know sees me here, I'm going to die.

What? Who cares what people think?

I do.

I've got to take this down.

Hey, wait. You can't do that.

Kurt, call 911.

It's not breathing.

There's a twist.

It's usually trying to get your name up in light that kills you.

It's time to...

If that was some spotlight.

Where's the audience?

There is no audience.

Oh, I'm confused.

The last thing I remember, I was hitting the electricity with my wand. Boy, it's

lucky I survived.

Actually, you didn't.

You see, you're no longer alive in the mortal sense.

You're saying I'm dead?

I don't think so.

Look around.

I must be hallucinating.

It's probably lack of protein in my diet. I've been living on mush ever

I've had this terrible... My tooth, it doesn't hurt.

Oh, my God.

I am dead.

I'm dead, and I don't even have any lipstick on. Don't you guys have any

around here? I can't meet my maker looking like this.

Appearance doesn't matter. Maybe not in your business.

So, this is heaven.

Somehow, I thought the lighting would be better up here.

Linda, we're not as high up as you think we are.

Oh, when do we get there?

The question is not when, but if. And that depends on the judge.

The judge?

Judge and horticulturist, obsessed with his roses.

I hope for your sake the rose grow worked.

Ah, Miss McCullen.

Do you know what this is?

A rosebush. No.

A peach rosebush. This is a masterpiece of engineering

and an object of exquisite beauty.

It can also be a source of pain, but if

properly nurtured and tended to, it offers a deep and abiding sense of joy

and wonder.

Well, I...

I never really had time to garden.

Yes, I know. You never had time for anything, according to the charges

you. Charges? What charges?

Here we go.

You stand accused of wasting an entire life on vanity and

the pursuit of fame.

Excuse me. Why should I? Your Honor.

I would argue that Linda was a dedicated, hard -working careerist.

What he said, right.

A fancy way of explaining a shallow and narcissistic existence.

If it pleased the court, she also sang without pay at a multitude of charitable

events. As a matter of fact, just last week, I did a fundraiser for the

Tinseltown Cosmetic Surgery Center.

Typical. A show business charity with an audience.

Full of producers.

Do something.

Your Honor, doesn't she deserve some credit for her tenacity and sacrifice?

Why?

She had no hobbies, no interests, no pets.

No love.

All she left behind was a trunk full of costumes and old reviews.

Since when is that a crime? It was my life, after all. It's not as though I

anyone. What about Tom?

Best accompanist you ever had. And a man who loved you very much.

Maybe this time I'll be lucky.

Ah, this is too slow.

No, you're rushing.

Get into the feelings.

Lonely, but hopeful.

Looking for some sugar.

Nice try, but I need to work on this song. Well, I'm just trying to get you

relax. Loosen up that beautiful voice.

No, I don't have time for this.

If you didn't waste so much time saying no, we'd be done by now.

Come on.

A good man, and you threw away his love with both hands.

That good man is the reason I didn't get the part on Name That Song.

Name that what?

It was a very popular game show, Your Honor.

Linda was screen -tested for the part of Miss Melody, whose job it was to sing

all the songs. It was between me and one other girl, and I could out -sing her

with one long tie behind my back.

It's a no -brainer.

Your only competition went flat three times.

Hey, Linda.

I just passed the competition in the hallway.

How many times did she go flat? Vicki Sue, what are you doing here?

Your name's not on the list.

I know.

But when Tom told me that Name That Song was doing a screen test, I decided to

crash. You told her about my screen test?

I don't remember. Maybe.

Tom, honey, do you think that you could stick around and play that little number

that we rehearsed? No, you don't remember much.

Vicki, Sue, you can't just waltz in here and get a screen test.

Oh, no?

Her being there threw me, and I blew the audition.

Tom swore he never remembered telling her anything about it, but I think there

was something going on between the two of them. This young Tom hardly seems the

type for that.

Well, even if it was an innocent mistake.

Tom became the living reminder of the moment that ruined my life.

I fail to see how one poor audition can ruin a person's life.

Well, you don't know much about show business, do you?

Because I blew it, Vicki Sue got the part and it made her a star.

There's Vicki Sue on her hit TV show. She's got fame, fortune, family.

trainer, plastic surgery, and a sandwich named after her at the stage deli.

Vicki Sue got everything I was supposed to get.

So you spent the rest of your life angry at Tom and chasing after a break that

never came. Because Vicki Sue got my break. What a waste.

Tell me about it. I look back now and I see all the mistakes I made.

Remorse, Your Honor.

I believe Linda McCullen deserves a second chance. Mr. Jones, you are

at the proverbial straw here.

She hasn't got a clue on what went wrong in her life.

But I do. I do. You do.

But?

Uh, well, uh, I was self -centered and, uh... Vain.

Unloving. Right, right. That's it.

But I can't change all that.

Mr. Jones.

Well, you have been a faithful guardian of this court.

And a powerful advocate for the second chances.

Thank you, Your Honor.

As you know, you too get three freebies.

Freebies? Three free lifetimes for special cases.

Do you want to waste one on this undeserving woman?

I promise I won't blow it.

I will make sure that my life turns out differently this time.

Look at her, Your Honor.

How can I say no?

I hope she's sincere.

You never know with actors.

Well, Miss McCullen, I'm giving you a second chance.

You have three days, and three days only, at a time in your life most

to the future of your soul.

And how you take advantage of that time is up to you.

You will go back with your memory intact, but no one will recognize you.

a free agent in the universe with the blessing of God Almighty and his court.

Okay, can I just have a test here?

Lana, here's your ID.

Thanks.

These almond crushing rolls are great. You should try one.

Lana Casales?

It sounds like a stripper.

Bingo. What?

No, not a stripper. No, no, no, no. Please, that's worse than my real life.

Actually, you're a retired stripper.

You see, now you cover up.

I'm a makeup artist?

Yep. That's incredible.

How did you ever get me in the union?

Hey, Linda.

Look at me in...

Everything's still where it's supposed to be, instead of three inches lower.

Lana, this is Linda.

Hello. Nice to meet you. Lana, you'll be doing Linda's Fizz Fairy makeup, and

Kent can do the guy with gas.

Come on, I'll show you your dressing room.

Look at me here for the Fizz Fairy. I'm so perfect.

We try. The Fizz Fairy was two days before my Name That Song screen test.

time, I will make sure that Vicki Sue never hears about that screen test. This

time, I... We'll get the part and finally become the star I was meant to

don't think that's what the judge had in mind for a second chance.

Well, it's what I had in mind.

But I gave you one of my free lifetimes. I thought that we had... Well, rules is

rules. Besides, the judge told me that what I did with my time was up to me.

Don't worry.

Three days from now, you'll see I was right.

I'll be a star.

What could be more heavenly than that?

Take it easy. Take it easy. The director doesn't hate you. He's a bully, that's

all. Just don't let him get to you.

Him and all the other jerks like him are going to eat their words when you make

it big.

Make it big.

I don't even know if I can make it through the shoot.

You better, because don't scream.

The day after tomorrow, you have a screen test for Name That Song.

Watch the lipstick.

Fiz Perry's box. Take nine.

Too much pizza keeps you up all night.

Love Fiz Perry.

Make it all right.

Cut! Don't say anything about the screen test to anyone.

No, of course not.

I wouldn't tell a soul.

Can you keep a secret?

Yeah.

Just paid it off.

It's beautiful.

I never knew. I thought I'd ask her tonight.

No.

Why not?

I just think you should wait until after the screen test.

You don't realize what a great break this is. She could be bigger than Vanna

White. Who?

Never mind.

The point is, Linda needs to focus right now.

Her career is very important to her.

If you really love her, you'll wait.

Sometimes I wish her career wasn't so important.

I hate to see her get hurt.

Why? Don't you think she's got what it takes to make it? No.

She's got what it takes.

I just wonder if she knows how much it costs.

Take number 17.

I'm sorry. This is a closed set.

I'm looking for Tom Miller. I saw his car outside.

Tom's not here.

Tom, I hate to look this good and not have him see me.

You just want it all, don't you? Doesn't everyone?

Tom's agenda.

Let's see what auditions he's playing for this week.

So that's how you did it.

He never did tell you, did he?

Tell me what?

I'll be happy to take a message for Tom, but you've really got to go now.

Fine. Fine.

No biggie.

This is my new audition song, and I need to rehearse it with Tom.

So tell him that I'm completely available to him at any time.

And tell him just that way.

Oh, I won't.

This is the song you have to do for the screen.

Maybe this time?

Trust me, I know the producers.

This is the song that got the job. Got the job?

Gets, gets the job. Now you go rehearse with Tom and I'll be over later and help

you figure out what to wear.

Lana, how can I ever thank you?

Just give me a chance to say, I knew her when.

Yo, Lana, wait up.

Yes, I was wondering, could you do this huge favor for me? I need someone to

cover for me, making up a certain major movie star who's doing the Foreign Film

Awards. Please say yes.

I've got the chance to go to Cabo to do Elton for Amphar.

Please. It's only an hour, and it's $200 cash.

$200 cash?

Deal.

Who's the movie star?

Alejandra Dunham.

If I'd known how many checks I'd have to sign, I would have invented a shorter

name. You like your eyes?

Yes. Oh, I look fabulous.

You are very good.

Thank you.

Can you do me tomorrow for a photo shoot?

Sure. Why not?

An invitation to the White House.

Just be sure to lock your door so the press can't sneak in and give you a

late -night State of the Union.

Jimmy Carter's a lech?

Carter.

No.

Oh, I'm nervous.

I'm seeing this new guy.

And tonight is the all -important third date.

I hope he doesn't have a heart condition.

Oh, he's not like that.

He's a college professor.

He wants to know what I think.

He listens to what I say.

All most people care about is how I look and who I am.

Alejandra Dunn?

How does she look?

Oily in the T -zone. Small scar on her right jaw, but otherwise perfect.

Is she nice?

Oh, totally. She even got me an appointment with her very own dentist to

stars. I wonder what other famous teeth he does.

That's great.

I'd forgotten about that.

Yeah, me too. Tom loves this dress.

Oh, wasn't he sweet to get me roses?

Maybe I should dry them. Maybe you should worry about what shoes you're

wear for the screen test.

I think you ought to wear heels.

Video has a tendency to shorten the leg.

Peach, how did he know?

Honey, you are going to have all the peach roses you can possibly stand if

just stay focused right now.

Someday you'll settle down and have a family, but not right now.

You're too close to having the life you've always dreamed of.

We're going to get me glued together.

Oh, no problem.

I'm sorry.

I think I drank too much. And I can't seem to stop crying. Oh, what happened?

It turns out the professor was just using me.

When I didn't want to star in this violent sex movie he wrote, he laughed.

He stopped kissing me and laughed.

He stopped holding me and listening to me.

Hopping in and out to give me a heart attack.

Not that it matters since I'm already dead.

But I would not miss that screen test tomorrow for anything. I can't wait to

Vicki Sue's face when she's the one who gets left in the dust instead of me.

Oh, Jones.

How does it feel to see a real pro at work?

Does pride go with before a fall mean anything to you? Come on.

I'm in. Vicki Sue is out. What could go wrong?

Where have you been all day and night?

Well, you could grow old waiting in those Beverly Hills dentist's office,

the good news is my tooth is finally fixed. Bless Alejandra.

That poor kid.

She is looking for love in all the wrong places.

What places would that be?

Men places.

She should be more like me, focused on her career. Leave the men and baby stuff

to those with domestic skills.

Um, don't you think it might be time for a little lift -me -up?

Oh, you were great.

Totally, totally great.

A wonderful screen test. A wonderful song.

I am suddenly so tired. I may need a nap before your party.

I'll tuck you in.

You're coming, aren't you?

With bells on, we may have something to celebrate.

I hope so.

Linda.

Here, honey, why don't you keep this lipstick and... Honey, big things.

are going to be happening for you, believe me. So think about what I said.

You have plenty of time to settle down.

You're only 26.

Actually, I'm 28.

Bite your tongue.

Why do we even bother the screen test? It was a no -brainer. Book her and get

her to wardrobe. Does anyone know our new Miss Melody's agent?

Ernie Slate.

Excuse me?

Linda McCullen's agent is Ernie Slade.

So what? Linda McCullen didn't get the part.

What do you mean Linda didn't get the part? That other girl went totally flat.

True. Linda's a better singer, but she sings from her eyebrows up. What's that

supposed to mean?

Linda doesn't seem to quite connect with the feeling of the song.

You should try a bowl of the chicken wonton soup.

It'll make you feel better.

This can't be happening.

I was supposed to get that part.

Too bad they didn't know that. And what does he mean, I don't connect with the

feeling?

I feel plenty.

Really? What do you feel?

And for whom? I feel...

Like I lived in my life.

I stayed mad at Tom. I hated Vicki Sue.

And my entire broke, empty life running after something I was never going to

catch.

How could I have been so stupid?

Vanity, denial, ego, pride.

Okay, okay, jeez.

You're blowing time, okay?

Wallowing in the pain and drama of your wasted life when your younger self is

about to... Make the same.

And I can stop her.

I can tell her I was wrong.

All the things you tried to tell me two days ago.

Welcome. Thank you.

Any word on the screen test?

No. Or the proposal.

Proposal? I popped the question.

She asked for the night to think about it.

Ouch.

I don't mind that she's skittish. It's part of her charm.

And so is the way she is with kids.

how much I loved kids.

I hope Linda doesn't forget how much she loves kids.

We'd make nice babies.

Wish me luck?

Oh, I do.

I do.

Thank you, Lana.

I wasn't sure that you were on my side.

I am now.

What? How can they print this kind of trash?

I thought they said there's no such thing as bad publicity.

Well, they never had their heartache sold to the higher leader.

Here you go.

Hello?

Relax, everybody. It's not her agent.

That is one heck of a nice guy.

I know. He asked me to marry him. Well, congratulations.

I'm really happy for you. I haven't accepted yet.

Why? You love him, don't you? Yes, but I don't know if this is the right time,

you know? I mean, you said it yourself. Big things could be happening for me

now. That doesn't mean you should put your life on hold.

What happened to stay focused and don't settle down yet?

You know, Farrah didn't marry Lee Majors until after she was a Charlie's Angel.

And that didn't last.

You're kidding.

They split already?

Maybe not.

The point is, you have a chance for real happiness with Tom. Don't blow it.

Why? What's the rush? I'm only 28.

Give it a rest, honey. You're 32 and we both know it.

Who told you?

Hello?

Yes, she is.

Hello?

Yes, of course.

I'm on hold.

Hello, Ernie.

Hey, what's a good word?

Yeah, yeah, me too.

I didn't get it.

You knew.

That's why you told me to marry Tom, because you already knew I didn't get

part. That's not why I told you to marry Tom. I thought you believed in me. One

thing has nothing to do with the other. I just didn't want you to wind up with

nothing in your life except a...

A scrapbook full of old reviews.

That's not going to happen. This was one little setback. What if it wasn't?

What if you don't make it?

I'm going to keep pushing and working and trying until I do. And I will.

You'll see. I will.

I love you.

But I can't let anything or anyone slow me down right now.

I'm sorry.

I'm not at home. I'm not in my car.

You must know where I am. Why don't you tell me?

You have to be your own guardian angel.

Then what does that make you?

Keeper of time.

You have a little over an hour left.

Only an hour?

Hey, are you talking to yourself or am I really drunk?

I was just... Are

you all right, honey?

No.

My stalker got out of jail and he just called me.

I'm scared.

Oh, you poor kid.

Come on.

I'd hired bodyguards, but the last time I did, they took pictures of me sleeping

and sold them to the tabloids.

Hello?

Tom, any word?

Where could she be?

That fat man across the alley isn't wearing anything but a hat. I know.

Nice view, huh?

Oh, the view.

Of course. Where else?

Tom, there's a restaurant on Sunset called The View.

It's the one where Judy Garland was discovered.

Right, that's the one.

Let's pray we find her there.

How did you know I was here?

A naked fat guy told me.

Isn't that... I think my new pet movie star.

She does not want to be alone.

Poor kid. She's actually juggling two crises and a bad hangover.

Anybody want some vodka?

Oh, honey, thank you, thank you. But why don't you just sit right down here and

look at all the pretty stars?

Okay. Got a mirror?

She's a mess.

Hey, that was funny.

The professor would have laughed.

Of course, he wouldn't have meant it.

It's a nice place.

Yeah, it's seen better times, but I like it.

Judy Garland was discovered here.

And Red Button came here after he won an Academy Award.

I come here to think.

To dream.

I know.

That it's nice to have a place to come and think.

I'm not a quitter. I never said you were.

I swear, someday.

Someday my picture will hang here.

Everybody will know my name.

They all know my name.

On two continents.

Vous êtes très belle, mademoiselle.

That's French for, would you read my screenplay?

Is that the life you want?

Do you ever stop to ask yourself why it's so important to you to be famous?

Because then it would prove to everybody that I am special.

What do you want to prove it to? Your father who left and never looked back?

Your drunken stepfather? Your vacant mother? The masses? Why would you care?

What about your screw -ups and strangers think when you've got a sweet guy like

Tom? He loves me now.

But what about when he finds out that I'm vain and nervous and...

self -centered.

Hey, you could jump in and disagree with me.

No, I can't.

Don't.

He is a one -man fan club with everybody else put together. I'm afraid.

successful relationship with anybody not even with my parents what if things

don't work out what if he leaves so when it comes to your career you're not

a quitter but when it comes to your life you are

Oh, he's cute.

And you must really love her.

Because she's nobody.

Yours is a strange and twisted world, isn't it, honey?

Yes, but I get a lot of free T -shirts.

I'm so happy for

you.

And he's not going to lose his hair.

We'll make beautiful babies, won't we? Mm -hmm.

Would you hold my coat?

Uh -oh.

Get her away from him. Yeah, he's right away. Really chilly outside.

It's a nighty night now. Keep that on. Okay, there you go.

Nighty night.

Good night, lady.

Mess looks good on you. Yeah, Mom, relax.

Yeah, Mom.

Mom?

That's right.

You are a sucker for flowers.

Linda, hi. Welcome to the Vicki Sue Show.

The Vicki Sue Show? That's exciting, isn't it? Mom rocks.

You're on in two minutes. Two minutes? You'll do the song first, then move to

the interview.

But I... Oh, wait. I'm getting word that Vicki Sue wants to say hello, and she's

on her way, right?

Now.

Linda McCullen, look at you. How long has it been?

Tom, you still look great.

How did I ever let you get away?

You were smart.

Marry right, marry once.

What I pay in alimony could support a small country.

Thank God.

It's your daughter.

Chardonnay? I forbid you to get that tattoo.

Because if anybody photographs you with a screw mom tattoo, I could lose my baby

food commercials.

Shadi, please, I'll buy you a new car if you don't.

Boy, she still looks really great.

Well, as great as money can buy.

That is such a good answer.

Ah, jeez, Mom, get a room.

Okay, people, places, please.

Look

at

this. They got blintzes, fresh melon, little blueberry.

I need your help.

Apparently, I'm about to go on national television, and I have no idea what I'm

supposed to sing. You will, as soon as the music starts.

It'll miraculously come to me just like that? Of course. Who do you think you're

dealing with?

Well, that's true.

He did get me into the union, didn't he?

You know who he'll get?

No, I'm a gopher for God, not a mind reader.

Vicki Sue.

She didn't get the part on Name That Song, and yet she became a big star.

The other girl got sick during the very first show.

Vicki Sue, who just happened to be there, filled in, and the response was

tremendous. Vicki Sue just happened to be there? Well, there were rumors that

Vicki Sue gave the girl tainted shellfish and wrote all the fan letters

herself, but she'll have to answer for that one day. So I guess she's a pretty

big star now.

Huge.

So based on the fact that I'm about to go on her show, does that mean I made it

too? Not as big as Vicki Sue.

You're a late bloomer after all, and you may be just the flash in the pan for

her. All right.

All right, I get the picture.

Anyway, it doesn't matter.

Everything I need is right over there.

Thank you.

I'm really glad you came into my life.

Death.

Whatever.

I'm just glad you came along.

I'll never forget you.

Yes, you will. That's part of the rules.

You'll forget me and everything that happened these last three days.

Really?

The moment I leave.

When will that be?

After one more pass at the craft service table.

I'm going to miss show business.

Oh, and by the way, Linda, thanks for making good use of that freebie.

Showtime.

Anybody with kids knows my next guest.

What started off as homemade lullaby tapes for her own children when they

just little has turned into the hottest kitty craze since Barney.

Ladies and gentlemen, lullaby lady, Linda McCullen Miller.

Hush, little...

Mama's gonna buy you a mockingbird.

And if that mockingbird won't sing, Mama's gonna

buy you a diamond ring.

If that diamond ring turns black, Mama's gonna

buy you a looking glass.

If that...

gets broke mama's gonna